Pheaturing Julia Stiles

Hey there, kids, how are you doing? Welcome to the Phile for a Wednesday. I wonder if laying on the couch is a yoga pose. I just got hired at a company that makes bicycle wheels! I'm the spokesperson. Ha! Dad joke alert. Hahaha. Start each day with a positive thought, like... "I can go back to bed in just seventeen short hours."
In Bristol, Rhode Island, the police department had a swearing-in ceremony for their first ever therapy and K-9 comfort dog. Brody, the cutest chocolate labrador puppy, recently joined the Bristol Police Department, donated by the Boonefield Labradors, a breeder based in New Hampshire, as a gift. And he already made his mark on the town of Bristol in a video of his big day. This therapy dog did the cutest thing on what was probably technically his first day of work. On April 6th, Police Chief Kevin Lynch and School Patrol Officer Keith Medeiros were broadcasting a live Facebook video of the swearing-in ceremony, only to realize that this little guy was snoozin’ away on the chief’s desk. Brody didn’t even bat an eye, as if he had no cares in the entire world. While Chief Lynch and Officer Medeiros continued on with the induction, Brody continued to remain asleep for his entire swearing-in ceremony, only moving three and a half minutes into the video to continue sleeping in a more comfortable position. Check it out...

So adorable. Now that this little superstar is more awake, he’s already been working hard in the city he’s set to serve. His Instagram account (@bpdk9brody) is full of his endeavors as he has been going around spreading joy, especially with the coronavirus pandemic hitting. His recent adventures included making window visits at the nursing home Saint Elizabeth Manor, providing joy and happiness even with social distancing. Since his swearing-in ceremony went viral, Brody has been getting attention from all over social media. His Instagram account has nearly 9,000 followers and each post gets so much love. I mean, how could you not get lost on his Instagram page when he’s this cute? He’s even doing his job virtually, providing comfort, therapy, and joy digitally to people who have never even been to Rhode Island. I love to see it, and I thank you for your service Brody!
The nation’s collective cabin fever is rising ever higher during the coronavirus lockdown and if there’s one group of people in particular who are probably going extra insane from being cooped up, it’s America’s teenagers. Proof of this can be found in the infinite well of teen boredom that is TikTok. The latest way Gen Z’s future asteroid mine canaries and first-wave attackers of Chinese laser fortresses are proving they’re down for whatever is called the Pee Your Pants Challenge. You just pee your pants on camera. Challenge over. Can we really blame a bunch of high school and under-21 college kids for getting so desperate for quarantine entertainment that they’re literally pissing their pants to make each other laugh? Think about how horrifically boring their lives are right now. They’ve been stuck at home with their parents for over a month, which in and of itself is enough to make any human go insane, let alone teenagers. Couple that with the fact that they can’t drink alcohol, and if they smoke weed they’ve probably run out of that and have no plausible reason to leave the house to get more that their parents wouldn’t be suspicious of. And not only that, but a lot of them probably aren’t even getting to decide what they’re eating for half their meals. Any family that sits down for dinner together is making that decision for them. At this point, if I had a teenaged son or daughter, I’d just say screw it and let them have a few glasses of wine or a couple beers a night. My kid is 20 and I doubt he'd do that. Whatever. It’s a global pandemic. In the absence of that… yeah I kind of understand why kids are pissing their pants for fun.
You might want to open your eyes a bit more when you’re on the road, Wisconsin. Turns out of the Wisconsin Division of Motor Vehicles is temporality waiving all road test requirements for new drivers due to the coronavirus pandemic. Yes, so basically now anybody can get a driver’s license without even checking to see if you can even identify what the yellow sign with squiggly lines is. Eek. According to the DMV, those who have completed other training and education requirements will no longer have to participate in the time-honored road test. Through a briefing, Wisconsin DOT Secretary-designee Craig Thompson noted, “Teens who have completed required driver training may have their road tests waived.” The new pilot program is said to begin May 11th. Those eligible to have their test waived will still have to take the required amount of driver’s education classes, have permission from a parent or guardian, and complete behind-the-wheel training. The state’s GDL, also known as graduate driver’s laws, will remain in place. According to Thompson, due to the requirements of obtaining a license, the state is confident that this provision will not compromise safety. In Wisconsin, allegedly 98 percent of teen drivers who were under 18 pass the road test on the first or second attempt. That being said, if a guardian or a parent thinks that their students still need a road test, they will be able to schedule one. The move comes after a similar announcement was made last weekend in Georgia, allowing 16-year-olds to get a license without driving test requirements. According to Governor Brian Kemp, the week-long suspension of in-person road tests has 30,000 teenagers waiting to upgrade from with the learner’s permit. This will allow drivers to move on to the next phase without having to take the road test. In Georgia, one of the requirements for those seeking a driver’s license is they must have a written statement attesting they have completed nearly 40 hours of supervised training with the help of an adult or any professional instructor. The state believes that with dozens of hours behind the wheel, the vast majority of these teens easily clinch the road test, even though that won’t be required for the time being.
When the coronavirus pandemic took over, many graduating seniors at all education levels lost the chance to celebrate the last bits of their careers. No final games, no final performances, no proms, no walking the stage… you get the idea. However, one high school principal wanted to do the next best thing to commend his seniors for finishing out their senior year. Virdie Montgomery, the high school principal at Wylie High School, located in Wylie, Texas, took on a monumental task to end a unique senior year. He dedicated twelve full days to personally congratulate all 612 of his graduating seniors for finishing. Principal Virdie Montgomery was not only upset that the senior class would miss their graduation ceremony at Wylie High School but was also upset about “…all these things that the seniors were going to miss.” The Wylie High School Principal told Yahoo, “We’re a very tradition-laden school and these kids have gone their whole lives looking at what all the seniors have done before them and got to do, and that they looked forward to doing.” So what did he do? He and his wife mapped out the homes of all of his graduating seniors so that they could visit every single one to congratulate them. With his wife behind the wheel, the Texas principal would pop out of the car with a skull-and-crossbones face mask, honoring social distancing and the school’s pirate mascot, and run-up to the door of each student’s home. With a Snickers candy bar and note in hand, he told each student, “Things aren’t really happy at Wylie High School right now because you guys aren’t there, but one of these days we’re gonna snicker about it.” Principal Virdie would then snap a selfie to commemorate the situation and be on his way to the next home visit. If the student was working, he and his wife would make an effort to show up at the student’s workplace. If they could not get to the student at all, the principal would give his little graduating gift to a family member and take a selfie with them in place of the student. After he unknowingly travels 800 miles over a period of 79 hours, he put a little video together of all of his entire journey. Talk about dedication. In spite of all the tragedies surrounding COVID-19, the bright side is always full of stories like these. The coronavirus might create devastating situations, but it has also cultivated hope everywhere. Even if the pandemic has exposed the worst in people, I’m glad that it’s also highlighting the best in others.
This little dude just wanted to be the talk of the school and sit with the cool kids at the lunch table. So much so that he decided to steal a car and drive it to California so he could buy a Lamborghini! Yup, true story. I have to give it to this kid for trying, I really do. It takes some guts to pull this off. Anyways, according to police, the kid was stopped by a highway patrol trooper who was trying to catch up to this little speed racer on southbound Interstate 15 in Ogden. The officer initially thought he had come across an “impaired driver or someone who was experiencing a medical emergency.” Why, well he was traveling at 32 mph in a 70 mph zone. According to Lt. Nick Street, the 5-year-old boy was having a hard time trying to make the curve that followed the road. That’s when the trooper initiated a traffic stop, and when he approached the vehicle he found a small boy crying his eyes out probably thinking he was going to get arrested. The boy was sitting on the front edge of the seat with both feet on the brake pedal. So, after the trooper helped him put his car in gear and turn off the engine, the boy said he was only 5-year-old and that he left home to drive to California because he wanted to buy the car. Ah, to be young again. Utah Highway Patrol poked fun at the situation, saying the kid might have been a little short since well, he only had 3 dollars in his wallet. Merp, you tried buddy, you’re only $381,566 short. Luckily for us, a dash camera footage of the traffic stop was released, showing the SUV slowly driving down the interstate and moving lanes without using turn signals before the trooper turns on his sirens. That’s when the troopers help the child put the car in park and turn off the engine. He then returns to his car and walks back to the SUV to ask the boy some more questions. As far as how the boy got into the situation without being noticed by his family. Apparently, the boy’s parents were both at work at the time and another sibling was supposed to be babysitting him. But, he quickly grabbed the car keys and just up and left. Luckily, he was only able to drive a few miles away from home. Still, be careful out there parents. You never know when your kid might want to go buy a Lamborghini.
There's a new Jurassic Park movie coming out soon and I have the poster for it here...

It looks exciting. Man, those people with those protest signs are pathetic. Look at this one...

Hmmm... Mother's Day is a few days away and there's some Mother's Day cards out there you might be interested in...

Speaking of "Tiger King" I have to show this... this is a real billboard for a real lawyer here in Central Florida...

It's true. Haha. Church signs are getting very clever since this whole COVID-19 business started...

That's kinda lame. So, one thing I like to do is look up words on Twitter to see what people are saying and one ion those words I look up is "Foghat." This is a tweet I saw recently...

Nooo!!! Don't trade that album in! Hey, future kids, this was Super Mario...

Haha. Now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Things Said By Parents Whose Kids Have Lost Their Minds In Quarantine
5. My kid was supposed to enter second grade but after months of homeschooling he'll be going back to kindergarten.
4. My kids got a ukulele. My 4-year-old likes to play the ukulele as she stands behind me singing the things I'm doing, "Mommy is cleaning the fridge because she spilled the salsa."
3. Our 3-year-old just walked across a load of Lego bricks and he didn't even flinch. So I'm sleeping with the light on tonight because that shit's not human.
2. What I said: time for bed. What my kids heard: time to swing from the ceiling fan and try to land on the couch!
And the number one thing said by a parent whose kids have lost their mind in quarantine is...

1. My kid is chasing his shadow. Yeah. Let that sink in.

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Haha. Okay, let's see what is going on in Port Jefferson again.

I think there's someone by the statue. Let's zoom in...

He or she is walking a dog. Okay, that's exciting. Haha.

This parade of people eager to expose themselves to the virus.

Now for some sad news...

Don Shula
January 4th, 1930 — May 4th, 2020
The old don now sleeps with the fishes.

Every single day, someone unknowingly takes the biggest dump in the world. And they will never know about it.

For much of the last two months, President Donald Trump has rarely left the grounds of the White House as he’s dealt with the fallout of the coronavirus pandemic and sought to minimize his own exposure to the disease. But that changed yesterday: Trump revved up Air Force One and headed to Arizona to visit a Honeywell facility that makes N95 masks in what the president suggests will mark the return to more regular travel. The trip also means a small army of advisers, logistical experts and security staff... a coterie of hundreds that includes personnel from the White House, Defense Department, Secret Service and more... will resume regularly hitting the road again and taking a measure of risk to assist Trump. Besides Tuesday’s trip to Honeywell, Trump says he will travel soon to Ohio, to New York in June for the U.S. Military Academy graduation and to South Dakota in July for a holiday fireworks display at Mount Rushmore. Trump says he’s also eager to get back on the campaign trail, though he’s acknowledged that he might not be able to hold his signature big-stadium rallies until the final months before the Nov. 3rd election. Trump took a March 28th trip to Norfolk, Virginia, to see a Navy hospital ship off to New York and a weekend stay at the Camp David presidential retreat in Maryland, but has otherwise stayed in Washington since early March. The president told reporters shortly before departing Tuesday that he had no concerns that resuming travel could expose those in his entourage to increased risk. “Everybody traveling has been tested,” Trump said of his aides. “We have great testing and literally they’ve been tested over the last hour, and the test result comes back in five minutes.” At a moment when public health officials have asked Americans to postpone nonessential travel to help stem the coronavirus, Trump was eager to prod a shell-shocked American electorate... reeling from the death and economic destruction wrought by the virus... to edge back to normal life. But White House officials are also taking precautions to try to prevent Trump and Vice President Mike Pence from exposure to the virus. Honeywell workers who meet Trump yesterday... just like anyone else who comes in close proximity to the president and vice president... will be first required to take a rapid point-of-care test to determine if they’re carrying the virus. “When preparing for and carrying out any travel, the White House’s operational teams work together to ensure plans to incorporate current CDC guidance and best practices for limiting COVID-19 exposure are followed to the greatest extent possible,” White House spokesman Judd Deere said. But Matt Bennett, who served as Vice President Al Gore’s trip director, said he worries that Trump is putting his staff, military personnel and local and state officials at unnecessary risk. “I think there is a value of seeing our leaders out in the country and escaping the White House,” said Bennett, executive vice president at the center-left think tank Third Way. “But it has to be balanced against the cost. The cost here could be the health and safety of a lot of people.” James McCann, a Purdue University political scientist who has studied presidential travel, said Trump early in his term traveled significantly less frequently on official presidential business compared to his four predecessors. But now that a big campaign rally is not possible, Trump is searching for a way to assert himself. “Trump is itching to get into campaign mode,” McCann said. Marc Short, Pence’s chief of staff, told reporters the vice president, who last week traveled to Indiana and Minnesota, has been debriefing the White House Military Office after each trip to discuss planning and protocols. Typically, White House advance staff fly commercial airlines when traveling to scout a location before a presidential or vice presidential visit. But Short said staffers are now taking military aircraft. The Secret Service, which is tasked with protecting the president and his family, wouldn’t get into the details of how it’s altering operations but said it’s following Centers for Disease Control and Prevention guidance. In addition to the White House advance staff, which is tasked with plotting out the smallest details of the president’s visit, the Secret Service sends its own advance team that maps out security for the visit. Officials from the White House communications office advance team are dispatched to set security telephone access for the president should he need it. The president flies on Air Force One, military-operated aircraft, on all trips, regardless of whether it is White House business, political or personal travel. The Defense Department also airlifts equipment such as armored limousines and occasionally helicopters for the president’s travel. The president usually travels with a representative from the press office, the chief of staff’s office and the National Security Council, as well as a personal assistant. Other aides, like his economic advisers, a Cabinet secretary or lawmakers, also may join depending on the nature of the visit. Republican Arizona lawmakers... Sen. Martha McSally, Rep. Debbie Lesko and Rep. Paul Gosar... joined Trump on Air Force One for the flight to Phoenix. Johanna Maska, who served as the White House director of press advance during the Obama administration, said it’s important for administration officials to remember that everyone who travels or assists in the president’s travel... from the closest aides to the volunteer van drivers who drive lower-rung aides from the airport... have families. “There is a whole orbit around those people,” Maska said. “I certainly hope that they are making the right decisions here.”

The 123rd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Ms. Sally Field will be on the Phile on Friday.

A couple pulled into the driveway after their first date. The guy leans over and gives the girl a long, slow kiss. While he's kissing her, he quietly unzips his pants, takes her hand, and puts it on his penis. When she realizes what it is, she screams, jumps out of the car, and yells back at him as she starts closing the car door, "I've got just two words for you, Drop! Dead!!" "And I've got two words for you too," the guy shrieks, "LET GO!!!!"

Today's guest is an American actress whose latest film Hustlers is now available on Blu-ray and on Amazon Prime and Hulu. Please welcome to the Phile... Julia Stiles.

Me: Hey there, Julia. Welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Julia: Hi, great, so happy to be here.

Me: Julia, where are you from originally?

Julia: I was born and raised in New York City. Where are you from?

Me: I was born in London, grew up on Long Island and lived in Florida for over 30 years. So, I read this quote from you... "I don't care if I have to make sandwiches or and sweep the floors, I'll do anything to be part of this movie." Meaning Hustlers... So, did you have to make sandwiches and sweep the floors?

Julia: I didn't. But I would've.

Me: What made you want to do this film so bad?

Julia: I had read the article when it first came out in New York Magazine. So when I was sent the script and saw that it was based on that I was like, oh, yeah, I remember that. That was a crazy story. And then I really loved Lorene Scafaria's adaptation of it. I feel like you could tell this story five different ways. I think I was largely inspired by Jessica Pressler, who wrote the New York Magazine article... the character that I play. She cares about her subjects. When I saw Jessica at a screening in New York, I was like, "Congratulations, how do you feel?" She was more concerned about what the women in real life were going to take away from the film.

Me: So, for those that didn't see the film, like me, tell the readers what Hustlers is about.

Julia: It's based on a real story from New York Magazine, called "The Hustlers at Scores," the film is about a small group of Manhattan strippers who decide to steal from their wealthy Wall Street clientele after the 2009 stock market crash.

Me: So, what about this story that you read that you found so interesting?

Julia: The idea that these women who were strippers and sex workers had no control really over their lives and livelihood. They're ridiculed and objectified and all that and they totally turn the tables on these men and Constance Wu's character in the movie says, "I became the CEO of my own corporation." It's just interesting to me that they became entrepreneurs.

Me: You do know it's a crime what they did, right? Haha.

Julia: Obviously it's a crime what they did and there's consequences to that.

Me: So, what was the main thing that drew you to it?

Julia: The focus on power and control to me was really interesting.

Me: Did you spend some time with Jessica Pressler before you saw her at the screening? 

Julia: Yeah.

Me: What did dd you learn from spending time with her?

Julia: When I was finally cast I sent her a message on Instagram and said, "I'm playing you in this movie. I think we should have coffee." And I had been following her work.

Me: What did she think when you messaged her? Did she know it was really you?

Julia: Yeah, I think she heard that I had been cast already.

Me: It's funny you remembered the story in the magazine when you first heard about this movie, am I right?

Julia: I just really liked her writing.

Me: So, what was the first meeting between you two like? J

Julia: So I ended up going to her apartment in Queens because she was working and I was working and we both ave young kids so we couldn't figure out child care so I said, "I'll just bring my son to your house. Is that cool?" And he proceeded to destroy her living room while we talked about the film. I just grilled her with a bunch of questions about everything from how she first got in touch with them and how she goes about interviewing people. I just grilled her about the while experience.

Me: Was it odd that it's a movie about dance and you're not the dancer in the film?

Julia: Right. You wanted to see me get up on the pole?

Me: Ha! I'm not saying that.

Julia: Am I not allowed to make jokes like that?

Me: Of course you can make jokes like that. You'e been dancing for a very long time, do you still dance now and then?

Julia: Alone in my living room, sure. All the time. I think that there were versions of the Hustlers script where there were kind of weird dream sequences that I was in. As the journalist and the eyes and ears for the audience, I'm kind of the judge and jury. I think that they had some dream sequences where I would be in the scene dancing when the men were unconscious. But it was a bit confusing. 

Me: Did you think when the people were dancing on set and training to dance you could do that? 

Julia: Oh, please, I have mad respect for all of the dancers on set because whatever dancing I've done, I've never done in four-inch stiletto platform shoes.

Me: You started dancing when you were really young, right? When did you start dancing?

Julia: Every time you say that I think of pole dancing.

Me: No, not pole dancing, other kind of dancing. What kind of dancing did you do?

Julia: I did a ballet. I was pretty bad at ballet to be honest. Eventually I couldn't go on point so I sort of switched to modern and tap and jazz and all that.

Me: Your mom was an artist, right?

Julia: Yeah, she makes ceramics and she has a store. As a said I grew up in New York City and she had a store on Bleaker Street for a while and in Tribeca. She says to me artists never retire.

Me: Do you feel that way?

Julia: It makes sense.

Me: Did the arts feel like an option to you or was that bound to happen?

Julia: An option. I don't take for granted that some parents expect their kids to have priority to make money and that's what is considered successful. My mom was always encouraging me to love what I do, whether it's lucrative or not.

Me: You were twelve when you started acting, right?

Julia: Eleven or twelve, that's debatable. I think I was about to turn twelve and I insisted that I was twelve. She had a friend who was a production set designer for theater company like for a really off off Off-Broadway fringe theater company and I was really into playing dress up and pretend and they were like, "Yeah, we'll put you in one of our shows." I had three lines and made a hundred dollars. 

Me: When did you realize you wanted to make acting a career?

Julia: As a teenager auditioning for acting jobs, and then even when I started working more, I would say around 17, I wasn't thinking of a career. It was just something that was fun and interesting to me. But then I think probably in my 20s, and even now, I'm like, oh, actors are truth tellers. There's an expression called l'esprit de l'escalier, it's "the spirit of the stairs." It means that thing... if you imagine somebody walking up the stairs and turning around and saying that sort of mic drop moment ... the thing that you've always wished that you could say or had the courage to say or do. I think I've discovered now that that's kind of what appeals to me about acting, it's that we act out these things that we wish we had the courage to do in real life.

Me: You stopped acting and went to university, then went back to acting. Did you think that was going to happen? Did you think of quitting acting?

Julia: I definitely thought of what other career possibilities could be. Partially trying to decide what I was going to study and seeing my peers exploring other avenues. But I came back to acting.

Me: Why do you think that is?

Julia: Probably because I thought I couldn't do anything else. Something just drew me back, it's an amazing job, I get to travel the world, I get to meet interesting people, I have a voice, I get to tell stories. Like any other job there's frustrations and times where I question things or feel like I'm not in control of what I'm doing but its a great job.

Me: How do you feel being a person who is an icon? What's your relationship with nostalgia and that time in your life?

Julia: I don't walk around going "I'm an icon." I'll be a jerk if I did, but I appreciate that.

Me: But I'm sure people say that to you, right? I mean you were in a popular movie called 10 Things I Hate About You, which I have never seen, but a lot of your fans know you from that film.

Julia: I don't take for granted that people still think about a movie that was made 20 years ago. That's a huge privilege as an actor. I hope people watch what I want to do and that resonates with them. I don't mean terms of ego and fame, I mean I was part of something that resonates with people. So when I did 10 Things I Hate About You, I had been auditioning as an actress, I was 17, and I was so sick and confused by everybody going, "Oh, just be more bubbly and effervescent. Oh, you're so serious. Oh, you're so heady or intellectual." It just was confusing to me as I'm trying to figure out who I am and what people respond to. Then I got sent the script for 10 Things I Hate About You and I was like, yes, this girl is feisty and opinionated and a fish out of water, but not apologetic about it. It spoke to me. So then to be able to do the film and then have people talk about it 20 years later, I'm like, oh, it spoke to other people to.

Me: Can you tell me a story that sticks in your mind about that film?

Julia: God, very little comes to mind as it was 20 plus years ago and a lot has happened since then. But it was really fun summer, we spent a lot of time at the Sheraton in Tacoma, Washington and we were all really excited to be there and open hearted and not jaded yet. Like open to hanging out with each other. Heath Ledger brought a didgeridoo with him from Australia and I had never been drunk before so the scene when I'm dancing on the table and having to be drunk I needed tips from all the rest of the cast who were older. Like what was that like?

Me: How did they tell you what being drunk was like?

Julia: They literally explained it to me. It wasn't like here, get drunk, have a shot. Because obviously that's illegal. But it was acting lessons like "you'll get a little wobbly and of you lower your eyelids a little bit and look like you're blurry eyed that's what it's like."

Me: You were also in the films Save the Last Dance and O. Two other movies I have not seen, but in those you were part of a biracial couple. I read that you got hate mail and push back on that. Is that true?

Julia: Oh, yeah. I never really talked about it that much in interviews but it came up once recently. When I did those movies, I was like, really? This is still an issue? Like black people white people don't get along? Some people are uncomfortable with the idea of an interracial romance? I was surprised that, yeah, it actually was still provocative. I was at Columbia and the school contacted my parents and said they were getting threats or something. I don't know, I kind of blocked it out. They wanted to have a security detail follow me around. And I was like, that's so awkward. So I just kind of brushed it off and said, no, I'll be fine. Luckily I was, so I don't know how serious it was. I didn't take it very seriously, but it was from a white person who called me the "N-word lover." Something like that, you know, hateful, horrible stuff. Probably the person was crazy.

Me: You weren't scared?

Julia: Honestly I didn't take it very seriously just for self protection. I didn't want to be walking around school afraid or draw attention to myself with a bodyguard. It's ridiculous.

Me: It's still surprising to me how people can feel that way. Is it for you?

Julia: It's surprising for me to but it's becoming more and more apparent now. It's disappointing, really, but it's not going to change what I do.

Me: Julia, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Please come back again soon. Stay well.

Julia: Thanks, Jason, back at you.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Julia Stiles for a great interview. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Chris Redd from "Saturday Night Live." Spread the word, not the turd... or virus. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon