Sunday, June 30, 2013

Pheaturing Alexis Asbe

T-shirts, cut-offs, and a pair of thongs. We've been having fun all summer long. LOL. That's not true. Man, I'm not a big Beach Boys fan, but those are some good lyrics. Miniature golf and hondas in the hills, when we rode the horse we got some thrills. Every now and the we hear our song, we've been having fun all summer long. Sounds more like Kid Rock lyrics. I think Kid Rock had a song with the same title. Anyway, welcome to the Phile for a Sunday.  I lost a lot of readers last week, they're seeking asylum in Ecuador. This guy Edward Snowden went to Russia... that's one of his stops, and now he's apparently trying to get asylum in Ecuador. Ecuador is where everybody wants to go, right? Snowden somehow managed to get out of the U.S. with all their information. Now where is he? He's in Russia now, going to be in Ecuador or wherever. He remains at large. Now what are the odds out of 350 million Americans, the only one the government wasn't watching was him? The NSA says they have developed a robotic bird that looks and flies like a bird to use for surveillance. So if you see a bird outside your window tweeting with a BlackBerry, it’s spying on you.  In the middle of all these scandals, President Obama got some good news. The IRS ruled that he can write off the first half of his second term as a total loss.  Scientists in Japan say that by the end of 2013 they're going to be growing human organs in pigs and transplanting them into humans. How ironic is that? They'll be able to give you a new heart grown in a pig to replace the old heart which got clogged up from too much pork.  Kim Kardashian had a little baby girl, and Kanye West finally popped the question: "How do I of get out of this?" Actually, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are going to get married. And I was looking at the guy and I thought, "Gee, I wonder if he's ready for a 72-day commitment."  I have to mention Paula Deen, who had a difficult week. She was deposed as part of a discrimination lawsuit filed against her. The attorney for the other side asked if she's ever used the N-word, and she said, yes, of course. If a lawyer asks you if you've ever used the N-word, the only thing you can say worse than "yes" is "yes, of course." On Friday the Food Network announced they would not renew Paula Deen's contract, and today Smithfield, a company for whom she endorsed pork products, also severed ties with Deen. Even the other white meat is turning on her. Pork severing ties with Paula Deen is like spinach cutting ties with Popeye.  So, last night Logan and I went to see World War Z... I was so tired from work it was almost World War Zzzzzz. Anyway, I thought the Z was for zombies, but I was wrong.

That's so stupid.  Did you see NSA are putting out some children's books? I mentioned this last weekend, and this week they released another one. Wanna see it?

I cannot wait for the cartoon. I like it when some magazines or websites show before and after make-up photo's with celebrities. So once again, I thought I would show you one here on the Phile.

That's so funny. So, being summer one thing I love to do is to go swimming. There's a lot of crazy pools out there, so this summer I will be showing you some phascinating ones. “Ocean Dome”, located in Miyazaki, it's the biggest indoor swimming pool in the world. It's 300 meters long and 100 meters wide, and it's located 500 meter from the sea. The temperature inside the pavilion is always around 30 degrees, the roof is sky-blue and it has even “clouds”. It has an artificial volcano and also an artificial wave generation system.

That's almost cool. Where the hell is Miyazaki though? Japan I think.

There's a reason I'm showing a picture of a bunch of hot girls in the bath. If you see the Mindphuck email me at Real quick, did you hear what George Zimmerman said at his trial? He said, "Man, I'd kill for some Skittles right now." Monving on...

When the zombie apocalypse goes down, it would help if you were very good at running very fast. New-school zombies, the post-Dawn of the Dead remake variety, are sprinters. And they're smart. And they can find you. And when they find you they will scale a building (teamwork!) and leap through the air to yank down the helicopter you're trying to use as a getaway vehicle. Then you will be lunch. Then you will also be a zombie. Cycle repeats as you pull down your own helicopter and eat its occupant, most likely a celebrity, probably Diana Ross.  Or you could be a former United Nations official (Brad Pitt) who's let his hair grow into a style most becoming an unemployable, failed surfer. Then you'd be the only person capable of figuring out how to thwart the worldwide zombie takeover. And why you? Well, the film will not linger over the reasons explaining why you. But it's you. You may not look like Superman but you're all this movie's got.  Meanwhile, the hows and whats of what comes next are the stuff of a reasonably fast-paced, occasionally exciting undead thriller with a ticking clock attached and serious jolts coming at well-timed intervals. And that's it, really. This film made my job incredibly easy; there are no zombies-as-current-social-malady parallels, no thinky meta-demands placed on the audience, no detours into self-aware cleverness and nobody to really worry about. This is a globetrotting horror product that also wants to play in cinemas all over the globe. Complicated plots, subtext and anything gnarlier than a PG-13 wallow in zombie feeding habits would only make that translation more difficult. And the word "zombie" semi-flirting behind a mysterious "Z" in the title is as much surprise as it has up its sleeve. So with Pitt in service to a relentless plot and given very little character to clutter up the screen (requisite stuff: he loves his family; he makes them pancakes) audience zombie-anxiety can be kept at a manageable level and emotional responses streamlined into one minor-league distaste for the idea of being chewed on by a decathlete with half a face.  Those meat-and-potatoes jolts carry it pretty well, though. It might not be the next-level, horror game changer that a mega-budget summer film always pretends to promise; it's not the zombie epic to end them all... it's two hours of goosey, forgettable fun, extravagant action sequences and the threat of louder, but not necessarily better, sequels. Or you could just sit at home and complain about how "The Walking Dead" isn't what it used to be. Up to you. Which location has better air conditioning? ANyway, from 1 to 10, this movie gets a 10. Yup.

Okay, so July 4th is just around the corner and a phriend of the Phile wanted to come on and say something about it. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is, kids.

I love how we've now stretched this whole 4th of July weekend thing into a week. THIS is not 4th of July weekend. The 4th is on Thursday... WTF? So... You leave work early yesterday... then have off Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday... then you take off Friday to rest ? Congratulations, Humans... you just invented the 9 day holiday weekend.

Not me, Laird. I get today and Monday off, then I have to work all week. That's life working at a theme park. Alright, so have you guys heard about DOMA? It's the Defense of Marriage of Act, meaning that same-sex couples would receive the same federal benefits as other married couples. Anyway, a phriend of the Phile wanted to come on and explain why this is a big deal in case you don't know. I am sure most of you do know though. Anyway, please welcome back to the Phile Chair for the Democratic National Commitee... Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

Me: Hello, Debbie. Welcome back. So, the Supreme Court struck down the discriminatory . Tell the readers that don't know what this means.

Debbie: Striking down the Defense of Marriage Act gives tens of thousands of Americans the federal rights and protections that they've been unfairly denied for years.

Me: It seems recently to me there's been a lot of changes leading to this, so it didn't seem like a big deal to me, Debbie, but it is, right?

Debbie: Yes, it's just the latest step we've made in recent years toward a more equal country where people aren't treated differently because of who they love.

Me: So, how did this progress happen, Debbie?

Debbie: With the hard work of activists and people like you.

Me: HA! I didn't do anything. So, I take it the fight for equality is still not finished...

Debbie: We won't finish the fight unless we all step up and finish it.

Me: I am sure some skeptics, will say this is a gay agenda, am I right?

Debbie: There is no gay agenda or straight agenda. As Democrats, our only agenda is full equality under the law for every American.

Me: Well, judging by Facebook's newsfeed,  for so many Americans, today's decision was personal.

Debbie: Yes, just as it was when President Obama signed the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, put in place hospital visitation rights for LGBT couples, and established the first comprehensive National HIV/AIDS Strategy.

Me: I am sure there is more to do. So, this DOMA thing might lead to other things?

Debbie: Of course there is more to do. But this decision shows how the tide has turned in our favor.

Me: How high are equal rights being fought for, Debbie?

Debbie: Democrats across the country are fighting for equal rights at the federal and state.

Me: I'm pretty selfish a lot of times, and never really thought at all about equality, Debbie. What can you tell people like me who doesn't think about this that much?

Debbie: Equality is not an aspiration, it's a destination we will reach together.

Me: That's too deep for me. Thanks for being here again, Debbie.

Debbie: Thank you, Jason.

Me: Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Chair for the Democratic National Committee, kids.

Today's pheatured guest is the author of "At The Altar In Your Underwear: 40 Secrets To An Amazing Wedding And A Better You", the 27th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club. Please welcome to the Phile one of the best looking authors I had on the Phile... Alexis Asbe.

Me: Hello, Alexis, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Alexis: I am in Phile...?! Then, I am great! Thank you.

Me: You have been called Ally, so, should I call you Alexis or Ally? What do you prefer?

Alexis: Ally, if I like you. What should I call you?

Me: Jason, or Jay. I have to tell you that normally the books in the Peverett Phile Book Club are music themed, about "Doctor Who" or just science fiction, although I did pheature a book about puppet making. Your book is very different then any other books I pheatured... it's a book about weddings. Where did you get the idea to write "At the Alter in Your Underwear"?

Alexis: After 3000 weddings, looking back I sometimes felt like I was in a science fiction movie and I was a doctor diagnosing strange happenings and sightings during wedding planning. I wanted to give couples and people wanting to get married a little perspective as to what truly matters and the real secret to planning their lives and an amazing wedding.

Me: How long did it take you to write this book, Alexis? 

Alexis: Once I really put my mind to it about a year. However the idea has been rolling around in my head for about 7 years.

Me: Reading it, I was disappointed that there weren't any pictures of people in their underwear, then I saw the back of the book. I think I have that picture here...

Me: What does the title of the book mean?

Alexis: The of the book is a metaphor for being vulnerable and true to who you are. I often felt when I presented a design to someone that they could see my soul. The real me; my heart; my passion; my love through what I created for them. This is vulnerable and often uncomfortable but it is where the magic happens and people really come alive. I want to encourage people as they start their journeys together to do the same.

Me: You helped plan thousands of weddings, Alexis, are you married yourself?

Alexis: Today, yes.

Me: What did you get married wearing?

Alexis: I wore underwear if that is what you are asking.

Me: I dunno what I'm asking. What was your dress like?

Alexis: The dress I wore was an ivory silk simple sheath style dress that was fitted to the ground. Very classic. Very simple.

Me: I take it you have a big wedding?

Alexis: About 450 people were on the guest list.

Me: We eloped in Vegas, and I wore a baseball cap, jeans and a Foghat t-shirt. My wife and I thought spending money on a wedding was a waste of money when you can put that money towards a house or a trip, or something else. What do you think of this? It goes against what your career is, right?

Alexis: I think that is awesome! No, it is who you are. People often do stuff like throw a big wedding and have regrets because it is not them. I applaud you and your wife for being you!

Me: What is the most money someone spent of a wedding that you know of?

Alexis: I am not exactly sure of the overall budget of most of the weddings I did, but the more elaborate weddings I would venture to say ranged from 50k to100k.

Me: The book is split up in four parts: "The Engagement", "Planning", "The Big Day", and "The Honeymoon". Out of all those four, what did you spent the most time writing about?

Alexis: "Planning" and "Honeymoon".

Me: So, how did your husband propose to you and where did you go on the honeymoon?

Alexis: He attempted to propose while in a hot air balloon however the weather suddenly prevented us from flying. So he rolled out his banner that he had made, walked me up to an observatory area which was on a high platform. As he led me up the stairs I could see each word "WILL - YOU - MARRY- ME?" I was shocked. I had no idea he planned to propose that day... I remember the sun was shining on my face and I could feel the warmth on my face as he held me. It is an unforgettable feeling. *insert tear and cheesy smile* As for the honeymoon, went on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Me: Are honeymoon's important, Alexis?

Alexis: Time alone and decompression after such a huge event is important.

Me: Did you think of writing a sequel to the book? I have an idea for you... "At Divorce Court in Your Underwear". You can have four parts to that book as well... "The Argument", "Divorce Filed", "The Big Day" and "The Freedom". What do you think?

Alexis: LOL! That would be hysterical however I don't have good advice on that subject, huh today. :/

Me: Do you find mostly women reading your book, or both men and women? I might be the only guy that read your book, Alexis.

Alexis: Mostly women, however the men that have read my book say, "I want to see that book on my girls night stand." Don't worry you are not the only guy!

Me: Oh, crap, I wanted to be. : ) Alexis, where are you from?

Alexis: I grew up in a suburb in the San Francisco Bay Area, called Diablo.

Me: Do you still live in California?

Alexis: Yes, I live in Redding about 10 minutes from Lake Shasta. My dude is a boat racer and we all love the outdoor sports, so it is perfect for us.

Me: Do you work on wedding's just in California or around the world?

Alexis: I work everywhere! I especially like to work in tropical locations. Please let me know if you and your wife want to plan a renewal of vows in Fiji. I am your girl.

Me: LOL. I can't see that happening, but thanks. Have you worked on any celebrity weddings?

Alexis: Yes, and celebrities are exactly like non-famous people complete with stress and personal challenges.

Me: Phile readers will know I am obsessed with Kelly Clarkson, even though I think obsessed is a strong word. She's getting married in December, Alexis, will you be working on her wedding? If so, can you hook me up on the guest list? LOL.

Alexis: First I am sorry that Kelly is getting married to another man. You should have stepped up earlier! I am not working on Kelly's wedding however and I don't think it would be appropriate for you to attend since you have "serious" feelings for her. Ha Ha.

Me: Spoil sport. I have a hall pass for her, but once she's married she probably won't have one. Time is a'tickin'. I read in your bio you worked with members of the Royal Family. Which weddings did you work on for them, and were you nervous? How did they treat you?

Alexis: I did arrangements for the Duchess of York in relationship to her promoting her botanical china line with Macy's. I met her and she is lovely. A real girls girl. We talked outfits and hair.

Me: You were on the show "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition". That's a TV show where they build a house for someone... what did you do on that show?

Alexis: Yes, the best part was that I kissed Michael on set. I met the crew while they were in town having dinner at a restaurant. I thought they were clients of mine, I walked up, sat down at their table and said so "what's up?" then I realized who they were. *awkward geeky moment* After a good laugh, they invited me to work with them. Ty asked me what to order on the menu and, "what is Poule Fusse?" I told him it was a young chicken and it was excellent. People trust people, who like to eat.

Me: There's tons of reality shows about weddings, I know this because my wife watches them all... did you ever think of having your own show based on the book? Were you approached about this, Alexis?

Alexis: It's a good idea. Hmm... I have recently been approached for a TV show. I think it could be a good idea. Depends on the nature of the show. Currently, I am bound by confidentiality agreement. I wish I could elaborate more but time will tell. Are you spying on me?

Me: Nope, just smart. LOL. Is this wedding book your first published book?

Alexis: Yes.

Me: I joked about you writing a sequel, but seriously, are you planning on writing a sequel or another book?

Alexis: Yes! It is in the works and called, "Cooking in Your Underwear."

Me: Cool. Thanks for being here on the Phile, Alexis, and I hope it was fun. On the Phile I ask random questions based on Tabletopics... here's yours. Oh, this is boring... what obligation do you believe you have to your country?

Alexis: Tabletopics, HA! I believe it is my obligation to be authentically who I am, and of course... standing in my underwear!

Me: Thanks again for being here, Alexis. Go ahead and plug your websites and please come back when your next project comes out. All the best.

Alexis: Thank you! I appreciate how fun you are! Keep in touch and cozy up with me at May the force be with you and may you find yourself in your underwear and loving it!

Me: Alexis Asbe, kids. Get her book from Amazon right now.

That about does it for this entry. Thanks to Laird Jim, Debbie Wasserman Schultz and of course Alexis Asbe. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Anna Easteden, the hostess from "Wipeout Finland" then next Sunday with Phile Alum Jennifer McKee. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Strawberry Blondes Forever!

Monday, June 24, 2013

Pheaturing Phile Alum Joy Ike

Summertime, and the livin' is easy, fish are jumpin' and the cotton is high. I think Gershwin was high when he wrote those lyrics. Your daddy's rich and your mamma's good lookin'. So hush little baby don't you cry. Wot? Is that the same song?  Anyway, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. Sorry it's kinda late today, I just got back from walking the high wire at the Grand Canyon. That's a lie, I just got back from Steak 'n Shake. I think the guy on the high wire praising Jesus wasn't listening when Jesus said, "Don't look at me. I would never do anything that stupid."  What a bad week for the stock market. Yesterday was so bad the numbers looked worse than a Paula Deen talk show on the BET network. Stocks are dropping like a Super Bowl ring into Vladimir Putin's pocket. That is how bad it was.  The Consumer Protection Agency has recalled 96,000 Jeep Liberty baby strollers because there is a problem with the tires blowing out. How fat are our kids getting when they're blowing out tires on their baby strollers?  Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have named their daughter North West. Or as Southwest Airlines put it, “Please don't have a second child.”  I forget to mention this over the weekend, congrats to the Miami Heat, who won their second straight NBA title. LeBron James was named MVP after scoring 37 points in Game 7. LeBron told his teammates he couldn’t have done it without them... which would be easier to believe if he hadn’t literally done it without them.  Mitt Romney’s former campaign manager has launched a super PAC to stop Hillary Clinton from becoming president. It makes sense because if there's one thing Romney's campaign manager is good at, it's stopping someone from becoming president.  A company in Japan has a new watch with a built-in breathalyzer that can tell you if you’re drunk. It would probably work better if the watch didn't always list the time as “5 o'clock somewhere.”  The Vatican has confirmed a second miracle by the late Pope John Paul II, clearing the way for him to become a saint. Under church law you have to perform two miracles to become a saint. That seems a little strict, doesn't it? You perform a miracle... a miracle! And they say, "What else you got?"  The daughter of baseball great Joe Torre, Christina Torre, is being called a hero after she caught a baby that fell out of a two-story window in New York City. And not only that, but later she went over to Wall Street and caught a couple of stockbrokers that had just jumped out the window.  The FBI admitted they do use drones on U.S. soil for domestic surveillance. The FBI's Robert Mueller told Congress that he does sometimes use drones, but he said the good news is that these drones are made in America, by Americans, to spy on Americans.  The White House staff played softball against a team made of marijuana lobbyists. Which explains why there were 20 hits before the game even started. The on-deck circle was a drum circle.  Fashion designers Dolce & Gabbana have been sentenced to 20 months in jail for tax evasion. Their lawyers are appealing the sentence while Dolce & Gabbana are appealing the prison uniform. Orange is so last year. That's right. Dolce & Gabbana were convicted of tax evasion. It didn't help when the judge asked how they pled, and they were like "Fabulous?"  I have to say it's a beautiful day here in Central Florida, but not for George Zimmerman. Listening to defense attorney Don West is like I'm guilty and getting the death sentence.  In the trial they showed what a Skittle injury looks like.

In the last two days I showed pictures and made fun of Paul Deen. The picture and joke from Sunday's Phile caused for some of you to write and complain. I'm sorry if I offended any of you. I was just making a joke. Yesterday I showed another picture of Paula Deen that people thought I made up, but I didn't. Here's another one to show you that woman is crazy.

She's likes white guys.  In the last few entries I told you that Disney, the greatest company to work for in the world, is releasing some of their classics with the original titles. Here's another one...

That's so dumb. I have one more. Should I show it now or next entry? I say let's get this over with. Here it is.

For a second I thought it said Hangovers Fix Everything. The NSA are releasing a bunch of children's books, and I have one of them here...

That's pretty damn clever if you ask me.  Well, it's summer and one of my favorite things to do in the summer is to swim. There's a lot of cool pools to swim in on this planet, and for the next few weeks I am gonna pheature some here. Here's the latest one, kids.

This architecturally-daring pool, designed by Architexas, sits atop The Joule hotel in Dallas, Texas. Ten stories above the ground, the pool projects eight feet over the edge of the building and hangs directly above Main Street, giving dippers dazzling downtown views. Freaking cool. I wanna go to Texas now. Now for some very sand news...

Bobby "Blue" Bland
Jan 27, 1930 - June 23, 2013
Now he's REALLY blue.

In the world of children's film, Pixar has built a reputation for itself as the studio to trust. Even when they're making a blatant cash grab with something like Cars 2, you know that the finished product will look incredible, be cheery, bright and good-hearted, and move like a winner. When you live in a world that's always under the threat of another Ice Age movie, the idea of a Cars 3 (and/or however many Planes installments they've got planned) can seem almost welcome.  Monsters University, a prequel to Monsters, Inc., in which young monster Mike (the voice of Billy Crystal) meets young Sulley (John Goodman) and the two prepare to matriculate at Monsters U. It's a school that feels more akin to a DeVry-like technical institute than a university, feeding fresh employees into Monsters, Inc. its seeming sole task. But deeper questions of purpose aren't really on anybody's to-do list around here, not when there's bouncy action waiting.  The plot is Revenge of the Nerds for kids, as the misfit monster fraternity Oozma Kappa... which counts Sulley and Mike as members, stakes its very existence and enrollment on a series of intramural "Scare Games," in which the school's various creatures compete to see who can terrify simulated children the hardest. And no extra points earned for guessing either the outcome of these exercises or how much believing in oneself plays a role in accomplishing that outcome. Point A must connect to Point B cleanly when hundreds of millions of dollars in production costs and merchandizing projections are on the line. It's that Cars 2 thing again: impeccably crafted, somewhat humorous, aimed at little ones and content to know its place.  Are there difficult, fictional lessons to be learned about aptitude, loss and failure from this story? Yes, there are. You just won't be hearing about them during its running time. They exist almost exclusively elsewhere, in the animated Peanuts films of the early 1970s, the output of Studio Ghibli and in other, more ambitious Pixar movies. No hardcore bummers allowed in this world, one big enough to contain a single concept and no others: the admittedly genius goal of defusing real-life childhood fears by turning the concept of monsters on its head and re-writing them as chatty, adorable, mutant Skittles. All else must serve that premise or be denied entrance to Monsters-Land.  The solution to this aesthetic problem, long-term, seems to be a Pixar where art is coded one way and finely crafted merch-moving opportunism another. I don't have all the kinks worked out of that idea just yet. I'll leave it to them to execute the details. They've already created a body of work that can be divided up into two camps with wildly different agendas. Now all that's left is the sorting. From 1 to 10, Monsters University gets a 7. 

Okay, tomorrow something very important is supposed to be happening politics wise and I have no idea what it is, and neither do you I'm guessing. So, a phriend of the Phile wanted to come on and tell us. Please welcome back to the Phile, Executive Director for Organizing for Action... Jon Carson.

Me: Welcome back to the Phile, Jon. I you have big news to tell us?

Jon: Hi, Jason. This is huge news. 

Me: What is it?

Jon: President Obama is set to announce his plan this week to address the growing threat of climate Jon: change. 

Me: What? That's it? The President is going to announce plans about a climate change? What is he going to do or say?

Jon: We'll know more specifics tomorrow, but it's expected he'll offer a bold, national approach to reducing carbon pollution.

Me: That's it? Anything else?

Jon: He'll lay out a vision to lead global efforts to fight climate change. 

Me: Is anybody not gonna like this?

Jon: The powerful, well-financed forces still deny the science behind climate change aren't going to like this.

Me: What do you think they'll do?

Jon: They'll be fighting this progress every step of the way. 

Me: Is there anybody that sticks out in your mind who thinks this is crazy?

Jon: Yes, in fact, before he's even seen the plan, House Speaker John Boehner is calling it "absolutely crazy." 

Me: I guess that's why President Obama is calling on all of us, am I right?

Jon: Yes, Jason, anyone who believes that climate change is a threat.

Me: Well, thank you, Jon, and keep us informed.

Jon: Thank you, Jason, and do your part to help fight climate change.

Me: Jon Carson, Executive Director for Organizing for Action, everyone. 

I was just thinking, what does Carson or the President want us or me to do, call Superman? Anyway, if you see the mindphuck email me at Now, another phriend of the Phile wanted to come on and tell us what's on her mind. She shoots from the hip, heart, camera, gun, sling-shot, tank...

HAAAAHAHAHAHAHA. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Irn-Bru have always been on top of their game when it comes to advertising and celebrating the Scottish sense of humour. Now, in taking the piss out of Coca Cola's recent name on a bottle (it'll help us sell more Coke) stunt, Irn-Bru are doing a limited run of FANNY bottles. For those that don't know, Irn-Bru is this INSANE bright orange fizzy drink proudly made in Scotland. I haven't drank it since I was 20 due to an "incident" involving vodka and pukeage on a cop... HaHaHa anyway, to those not in Scotland, 'Fanny' is a staple in ones Scottish vocabulary. For example, "Aye, ya fanny" Google (Debbie) translation -> "Yes, you are a lady's body part." Maths time: FANNY = VAGINA. FANNY also = old school Scottish girl's name. FANNY does not = ARSE in Scotland. Hence why we laugh when any of you guys say FANNY and don't get me started on fanny packs. Please note I once met an old married couple called Dick and Fanny. I obviously burst out laughing in their faces, I apologised for my reaction, but they said they were used to it... HAHAHA! So now you are educated in fanny's.

Thanks, Debbie. I never heard of Irn-Bru myself. Now I wanna try it.

The 27th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

The author Alexis Asbe will be the guest on the Phile next Sunday.

Today's pheatured guest is a Phile Alum who has a brand new CD out called "All Or Nothing". She'll next be appearing tomorrow at Sally Obriens in Somerville, MA. Please welcome back to the Phile, the wonderful... Joy Ike.

Me: Hello, Joy, welcome back. It's been awhile. How have you been?

Joy: Good. Busy.

Me: You're from Pennsylvania, right? Do you still live there?

Joy: Yup!

Me: Your parents are Nigerian if I remember... have you ever been to Nigeria?

Joy: A few times... and most recently in 2011.

Me: Before we get into your new music I have to tell you recently I interviewed Tiffany Thompson for the third time and I mentioned she has a song on her new CD called "Real Joy". I asked her if it was about you. ; ) I also told her you need to write a song called "Real Tiffany". What do you think?

Joy: Hehe. That "Real Joy" song is actually one of my favorites of hers.

Me: I asked her if there was any question I should I ask you the next time you're here and she said to ask you when was the first time you took your shoes off at a show. So, when was the first time?

Joy: I took my shoes off before there were shows :) I can't even remember the first show!

Me: Do you always take your shoes off when you perform, Joy?

Joy: Yes. Always.

Me: Alright, let's talk about your new fantastic CD called "All Or Nothing" which I downloaded from iTunes. Where did the title come from, Joy?

Joy: Thanks for getting it! The title came from a number of places but mostly this desire in me to finally make a statement about my life... about doing things fully or not doing them at all. I guess I got to a point where I was unsure about things and/or did things halfheartedly. So now either its worth doing really well or its not worth doing at all.

Me: You funded this album through Kickstarter, right? Wasn't your last album funded through Kickstarter as well?

Joy: Yes. The last album was funded in part by Kickstarter. This one was funded fully.

Me: You need to date a rich guy to fund your music, Joy. Anyway, how long did it take you to record this new album?

Joy: This album happened over a course of 6 months. I was in and out of the studio a lot... back and forth between Pittsburgh and NYC. We also recorded a piece of it in Ohio. Long story.

Me: Your sister Peace plays on the album, am I right? What does she play, or does she just sing?

Joy: Peace plays percussion, but she didn't play on this album.

Me: Who is in your band?

Joy: I'm currently backed by Jason Rafalak (upright bass) and Ryan Socrates (percussion). My cellist recently moved to Virginia so I'm looking for someone to join in.

Me: I like the video for the single "Everything You Have". Did you come up with the concept, Joy?

Joy: The concept was a collaborative effort between myself and friend/director Steve Ellington. We both threw in our ideas in order to make it what it was.

Me: Tell the readers what the story line is. Was it fun to make?

Joy: If I told the readers the story line, they wouldn't go and watch it. So go, people, go! And yes it was definitely fun!

Me: I will show a screen shot here to get people really interested, Joy.

Me: Was that filmed at your apartment?

Joy: The video was filmed at a friend's house in Pittsburgh. It's a huge house and they use it for house shows, church gatherings, parties, and apparently music videos. So much fun!

Me: The new album was produced by someone from Ingrid Michaelson's band. How did you two meet?

Joy: We met through a mutual friend... a reader of my Grassrootsy blog:

Me: Speaking of meeting, did you meet Ingrid?

Joy: No, but I met her dog :)

Me: I have to ask you about Grassrootsy that you just mentioned... it's your company, right?

Joy: Grassrootsy is a blog I started 4 1/2 years ago for musicians. It gives practical advice on how musicians can build their following, promote themselves and make a living off of their art. It's not really a company per se... just a blog. It's 100% a labor of love.

Me: Cool. So, what's next for you? Any new music planned, Joy?

Joy: Well, the album is brand new so the only goal I have is to share it with the world. I will be touring extensively this year and doing everything I can to get this album out to the masses.

Me: Any plans to play in Florida yet?

Joy: No plans for Floriday.

Me: Okay, so this year on the Phile I am asking random questions thanks to a game called Tabletopics. Are you ready? Is there one soul mate for each person?

Joy: Yes, for certain people. No for others. There are certain people who are more mathematical, and less artistic about love... and for them there are many options. At least that's what I think.

Me: Joy, thanks for being on the Phile again. Please come back soon. Mention your website and anything else you wanna, Joy. 

Joy: If people want a free download from the new album, they can visit They can also find me at,,

Me: Take care, and tell Peace and Tiffany I said hello.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Jon Carson, Debbie Boldacious and of course Joy. The Phile will be back next Sunday with author Alexis Asbe and then on Monday with Anna Easteden, the host of "Wipeout Finland". So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Strawberry Blondes Forever!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Pheaturing Ten Foot Polecats

Hot town, summer in the city. Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty. Been down, isn't it a pity. I can't think of the rest. That Lovin' Spoonful song goes something like that. Anyway, welcome to the Phile on a Sunday. How are you?  The Phile has a new sponsor.  Check it out.

In a new interview, Ralph Nader said there has never been a bigger con man in the White House than Barack Obama. Can you believe that? Ralph Nader is still alive!  NestlĂ© has launched a new premium water called Resource. They say it is made specifically for a woman who is a little on the trendy side and the higher-income side. Resource sounds so much better than tap water for women who are really rich and stupid.  Have you seen the ads for the Enduracool towel? They show people sitting in the sun with the thing around their neck and rubbing their faces in it. In each ad they say the towel uses a proprietary fabric technology that activates when wet to cool a person off. So in other words, it's a towel! All towels do that.  This story comes up about twice a year. They thought they have located the body of Jimmy Hoffa, the former Teamsters union leader, after 40 years of being dead. Nothing on the NSA whistle-blower, but we think we know where Jimmy Hoffa is. The cops in Michigan dug up a field to find Jimmy Hoffa. They found nothing.  Do you guys know who Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is? He's the the guy who made "Death to America" a popular slogan. Now his successor, a moderate guy named Rohani, doesn't believe in death to America. He believes in lingering illness to America. This Rohani guy has promised that he will boldly lead Iran into the 14th century.  The Senate’s new immigration bill is apparently more than a thousand pages long and weighs 24 pounds. Some critics say the bill is too long for the average American to read before it's approved, while some senators are saying that's the point. The immigration bill is more than a thousand pages long. That doesn’t sound like an immigration bill. That sounds like a menu at The Cheesecake Factory. A new study found that volunteering can actually reduce the risk of heart problems... which would be awesome news if it didn't also reduce the risk of having a fun Saturday.  Dunkin' Donuts is redesigning its stores so that customers will want to sit down and relax... because if there's one thing that goes through my mind when I see Dunkin’ Donuts customers, it's “These people need to move around LESS.”  Some people are still talking about Paula Deen being a racist, after she said a few things. She might be a racist, but she knows how to have fun. Take a look.

I went to the store the other day and they had a display ready for summer.

When I think of summer I think of fake severed hands.  The NSA has started to release a bunch of children's books, and I just happen to have the first one her to show you...

Found him. That crazy NSA.  I have been telling you kids that Disney is releasing some of their classic movies with the original names. Disney, by the way, is the greatest company to work for. Here's the latest one...

I've never seen that movie.  June 3rd was Bad Wolf Day and I asked for you to write Bad Wolf on a piece of paper or something and take a picture and send it in or Tweet it. I have one last Bad Wolf picture to show you.

Pretty cool. By the way, if you don't know what Bad Wolf is you are not a "Doctor Who" fan.  Well, summer is here. One of my favorite things to do in summer is to swim, even though I haven't went swimming since my accident last October. There's a lot of really cool pools to go swimming in on this planet, so for the next few weeks I will be showing them to you. Victoria Falls is on the border between Zambia and Zimbabwe. It is 360 feet tall. At the top is a natural rock pool, called Devil's Pool, where the water is relatively calm. From September to December, when the water level is low, you can swim in Devil's Pool. The pictures are bound to make you just a little nervous. Or a lot.

And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, here is...

Top Phive Reasons Why Men's Wearhouse Fired Its Founder, George Zimmer.
5. You can't go around taking customers' inseam measurements unless you're a tailor.
4. The board of directors thought his "Buy one suit, get three trousers, two sports coats, six handkerchiefs, 12 pairs of socks, three polo shirts, a trench coat, three MORE pairs of slacks, two dress shirts, seven ascots and a fedora for $10" promotion was unsustainable.
3. He wasted millions in R&D on doomed "Triple-breasted suit" project.
2. They couldn't convince customers that he isn't the "stand your ground" guy from Florida.
And the number one reason Men's Wearhouse fired its founder...
1. All together now: The board didn't like the way he looked.

If you see it email me at

The 27th book to be pheatured in the Peverett Phile Book Club is...

Alexis Asbe will be a guest on the Phile a week from today.

Today's guests are the guys in the great Boston band Ten Foot Polecats. Their new album "Undertow" is available now on iTunes. They'll be appearing next tonight at Crossroads Rt 20 in Palmer, Ma. Please welcome to the Phile Jay Scheffler, Jim Chilson and Chad Rousseau from... Ten Foot Polecats.

Me: Hey, guys, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Jim: Doing good, got a new album out called “Undertow”, just finished up a short tour and getting ready for our next tour in July as well as some other summer shows around New England.

Jay: Having a ball, man!

Me: I have to say, your band Ten Foot Polecats is one of my favorite bands I heard in awhile. You are doing a summer tour, but you're not playing Florida. What gives?

Jim: Thank you, glad you like the sounds, we are touring this summer throughout the south, midwest, rust belt, great lakes area, and back on home to New England. Yeah, sorry about missing Florida, we haven’t played in Florida yet but have been asked to so we are going to have to make a point of getting down to Florida. We wish we could tour a lot more often these days.

Jay: Summer tours in Florida are for chumps! We’ll be looking at a WINTER tour in Florida!

Me: There's three of you in the band. Have their always been three of you?

Jim: Yes, three of us now and always have been three. Jay Scheffler (vocals and harp), Jim Chilson (guitar), Chad Rousseau (drums). No bass player, we couldn’t fit one in the truck.

Me: Where are you guys all from? The band I think is based in Boston. You guys sound more like a band from the south.

Jim: We are from the greater Boston area. We do get that a lot from audiences down south. They seemed pretty shocked we are from up north but they are always accepting of us and really make us feel at home!

Jay: Yeah, the south is like our home away from home. Lot of friends down there. The music, the people, the food, the climate; we love it!

Me: How did you guys all meet, and have you all been musicians for awhile?

Jim: Jay and I were in a previous band together that wasn’t quite going in the same musical direction we wanted so we form a side project that developed into this. We found Chad through many auditions after our original drummer, Dave, had to leave the band due to his heavy work schedule as a truckdriver. Once we heard Chad, we immediately knew that this was the new drummer.

Me: Who came up with the name of the band, and what does it mean?

Jim: It comes from a Bugs Bunny cartoon where scientists crossed a ten pole with a cat… the result, a ten foot polecat. It sounded cool, we liked it. We get this question a lot as well as “what’s a polecat?” 

Me: Have you heard of the 80s band The Polecats?

Jim: I didn’t know much about them then but learned about them more when someone brought it up to us. As well as a band called Ten Foot Pole. I guess we maybe should have checked this out all before, but oh well. It is what it is.

Jay: I remember them! They were English and had a song called “Make a Circuit With Me”.

Me: Correct, Jay. You guys have played with lots of cool bands, and musicians. One of them was on the Phile a few years ago... Scott H. Biram. He's a pretty cool guy, isn't he?

Jim: Yes! Scott is excellent. We have played a few shows with Scott when he has come to Massachusetts and New Hampshire as well as gone to many of his shows. He definitely gets the crowd worked up! Great songwriter too.

Me: He's into the blues a lot. What bands and artists are you guys into?

Jim: Oh boy, this list could be the length of “War and Peace”, but we’ll give you some artists we enjoy currently that people should go and check out. Bob Log III, Possessed By Paul James, Left Lane Cruiser, The Cannibal Ramblers, Yankee Cockfight, The Scissormen, The Goddamn Gallows, Filthy Still, Molly Gene One Whoaman Band, Restarvant, The Calamity Cubes, Old Gray Mule, CW Ayon, Jeff Norwood (RIP), Lone Wolf One Man Band, Sean K. Preston, Husky Burnette… ok stop us now before we type forever.

Jay: Everyone Jim just mentioned is totally worth checking out. They are each putting their own spin on blues, country, bluegrass, and just straight-up rock and roll. Everywhere we go, we discover new and surprising talent. Surprising usually because they’ll be doing something you didn’t expect or never imagined!

Me: Who did you listen to when you guys were getting into music?

Jim: Generally speaking, anything and everything. Of course I have my favorites and direct influences, like RL Burnside, Junior Kimbrough, Jimi Hendrix, The Who, Iggy and The Stooges, Son House, Fred McDowell, Roy Clark, CCR, Howlin’ Wolf, Muddy Waters, Hound Dog Taylor.

Jay: I was into metal when I was a kid. I discovered John Lee Hooker and Robert Johnson in my teens; right around the same time I found out about Black Flag, Bad Brains, Butthole Surfers etc.

Me: Let's talk about your new release "Undertow". This is your third release, right?

Jim: This is our third release, and our 2nd LP. Our first release was an EP in 2007 called “Sterno Soup”. Our second release was an LP entitled “I Get Blamed For Everything I Do” which came out in 2010 on Hillgrass Bluebilly Records out of Austin, Texas. Our third release, also an LP, is “Undertow” and that is also on Hillgrass Bluebilly Records.

Me: How do you think it compares to your past releases?

Jim: We really like how everything came out. Richard Rosenblatt recorded us and he knew exact what to get out of us and how to do it. We record very much like a live band so alot of these songs are the first or second take with hardly any overdubs, if any at all. We like the feel of the current energy in the room when recording instead of “Frankenstein-ing” it together. I thought this CD was mastered beautifully by Toby Mountain who has been entrusted in the past to bring such iconic albums as "Ziggy Stardust" and "Joe’ Garage" to CD…so needless to say we were in good hands. But the main difference in this album compared to the last is that all the songs are original compositions and have been played before live audiences before the recording began.

Jay: We like to bang ‘em out live a few times to make sure they work. I’d like to go in and record a whole album all at once, but we tend to record 4 or 5 at a time then go back and work on the next batch.

Me: There's been a lot of flooding recently, especially with Sandy last year. Is that where the name "Undertow" came from?

Jim: There is definitely a natural disaster take on the album but it wasn’t about any particular storms, but more of a metaphor between the ever changing cycles of life, from good to bad.

Jay: Also, the way the album is sequenced, there’s kind of an undertow effect. Fun, lively song followed by slower darker song. Kind of up and down like that.

Me: Who does most of the songwriting in the band?

Jim: Jay does most of the lyrical songwriting while Chad and I figure out how to work the melodies around the lyrics, or sometimes it’s the other way around, we don’t have a set way to do it. On this album all of us chipped in with lyrics, but Jay is definitely the main songwriter.

Jay: Chad helped out a lot by recording jams that we would have forgotten otherwise. A lot of those jams turned into songs.

Me: Jim, your guitar is handmade. Most guitars are, I think, but what I think it means is you made your guitar yourself. Why is that, Jim?

Jim: I designed it with Matt Sulivan of MJ Sullivan Guitars in South Boston. Matt builds high end acoustics but wanted a different challenge, and I had one for him.

Jay: Matt is a master craftsman and a true genius. Amazing what he can do with a chunk of wood and a few hand tools.

Me: How long did it take you to make it, and did you help?

Jim: Matt was pretty quick about it, at least quicker than I thought it would all come together. I didn’t help in building it at all, if I did it would probably who have sounded like shit. I left that to Matt but I did have some certain details I wanted included and specific parts, etc.

Me: Is it made from scratch, or other parts of guitars?

Jim: The body (box) itself was made from scratch as Matt used a cedar top, and bubinga sides and back to create the box, as well as a pretty neat raised pickguard out of koa to rest my picky on when I am fingerpicking with the other fingers. The neck is a warmouth and was taken from a Stratocaster I had, the pickups were some Lollar humbuckers that I heard good things about, and the hardware was all purchased specifically for my taste. No special hardware, all pretty general stuff but I do like those planet waves tuning heads that cut the strings at the proper tension, they stay in tune great.

Me: I like that it is square. My dad had a square guitar he designed as well and named it Loentz. It is one of a kind and Gibson made it. He was a Bo Diddley fan, and that's why his guitar was square. Anyway, why did you choose that shape?

Jim: I thought I recognized that last name! Your dad had some great sounds in Foghat and Savoy Brown! As far as the shape, it is kind of related to Bo Diddley’s guitar in the fact that it was modeled after a cigar box guitar. I wanted to build a guitar that had a dirtier, rawer natural tone and I think the angular corners of the box gives it that sound in comparison to the flowing interior curves the sounds flows around in some hollowbodies and semi-hollow bodies. I could be technically way off base on that but Matt and I seemed to hit the nail on the head with this guitar, I love it.

Jay: Aw cool! Foghat was bad ass! That was the golden era of rock.

Me: Is that the only guitar you play on stage and record with?

Jim: The guitar is about 2 years old now, and it has been the only guitar I play live. The guitar is also featured exclusively on the new album “Undertow”.

Jay: His other guitars are quite jealous and refuse to talk to him now.

Me: You play sitting down with no guitar strap, Jim. Have you always played that way?

Jim: I do still wear a strap but since I have been exclusively fingerpicking, I do sit down. I am pretty aggressively with the picking and butterfly technique (you would have to check out some videos to know what I mean) that I usually knock the guitar off the strap when playing standing up. I need some stability, so having some support from my legs under the guitar is definitely needed in the way I currently play.

Jay: I’m the only guy standing onstage. I feel like the guy who lost at musical chairs but on the other hand, the stage is MINE!!!

Me: Jay, your microphone and harmonica are not hand made, right?

Jay: My mic IS hand made. It’s a Shaker Dynamic. Shakey Joe from Arkansas makes them one at a time. They are relatively inexpensive and I love the sound. The harmonicas are Hohners and Suzuki’s. I used to play Herings but I think the company went out of business; can’t get ‘em anymore.

Me: And Chad, you didn't build your own drum set, did you?

Chad: No. Nothing custom for me. I play a standard maple Renown drum kit made by Gretsch.

Me: You guys recorded with the great singer Molly Gene, right?

Chad: Ahem. Actually, she recorded with US. Just kidding, of course. Molly Gene is super talented and we are all big fans of hers. We recorded a couple songs with her. It was a great experience and a pleasure and we hope to collaborate more soon.

Me: Where did you meet her, guys?

Jim: We heard her online in the ol’ Myspace days and set up a show with her when touring through Kansas City in 2009. She is amazing and has travel the world over. She is really making a name for herself and all the success is well deserved!

Me: Do you think she'd like to be on the Phile?

Jim: I definitely think you should contact her, I would love to read that interview!

Me: Okay, so, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to this little box of cards I have called Tabletopics. All three of you can answer... Which other culture would you choose to be born into?

Jim: Interesting! I think I would be most intrigued by the older Eastern/Asian Culture as it is seems to be a polar opposite to the current Western Culture (obviously). It would be refreshing to have proper spiritual conscience without being forced feed anything from any Kardashian’s, Hilton’s or TMZ.

Chad: Early Japanese history fascinates me. I’ve always had a bit of an interest in English culture as well. One of those, I suppose.

Jay: I would love to have been born into a Native American culture before the Europeans arrived. That’s a culture that fascinates me; so pure and connected with the earth.

Me: Thanks so much for being on the Phile, guys. Go ahead and plug your website and please come back soon. You guys fucking rock.

Jim: Check us out at for news, shows, and to buy music and merchandise. You can also find us on Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, Reverbnation, Soundcloud, and our music at iTunes, Amazon, Spotify, Rhapsody, and other social media outlets throughout earth and beyond. Check this video out too, it is from our song “Do That Thing” from our current album “Undertow”.

Me: Fantastic. Ten Foot Polecats! Man, their album "Undertow" is great.

There, that about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to the guys from Ten Foot Polecats, one of my favorite new bands. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Phile Alum Joy Ike and then next Sunday with author Alexis Asbe. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Strawberry Blondes Forever!