Thursday, September 25, 2008

Palin '08: Restoring America's Confidence In Bush

Are you ready? Are you ready for the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated blog on the internet. Well, tomorrow at Epcot starts another Food and Wine Festival, or as the park will be known for: Every Person Comes Out Toasted. The first band is to perform there this year is Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, which is not a bad guy from a James Bond movie. Tee hee. Logan got his yellow belt in karate a few days ago. I had a yellow belt once, but only because I peed on it. Clay Aiken finally revealed he is gay in People magazine. I have no gaydar but even I saw that one coming. The Dow’s going bananas . . . it’s going up one day, down the next — it’s like Sarah Palin’s hair. Computer hackers broke into Sarah Palin’s e-mail. They posted her mail on the Internet. It’s disgraceful. I urge everyone not to read Gov. Palin’s emails — especially any drooling, adolescent love-letters from someone known as Jason from Tough blow for Barack Obama. Yesterday, a key Democratic fundraiser switched sides. She said Obama was too elitist. She is none other than Lady Lynn Forest de Rothschild. She’s worth a gazillion dollars. That’s it Obama — you’ve lost the people’s vote. She’s a lawyer as well. Is it wise to be hanging around Republicans after what Cheney did to his lawyer? Finally some good news this week: The chairman of the Fed called for a do-over. We’re just going to start the week over. The government had to bail out two huge companies, and today they strongly hinted that they’d bail out others . . . at taxpayers’ expense of course. It’s all part of a new approach that leaders in the White House and Congress are taking — it’s called socialism. The president briefly came out of hiding today to say that he shares the public’s concerns. Donald Trump called in to the “Larry King” show the other night. He said he was voting for John McCain. So what, I say. I have no idea what that thing on his head is voting for. It’s the baseball playoffs. It isn’t easy being a Mets fan. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs, and this season is no exception. What we do is, we drink. We drink until we pass out. The federal government announced a massive plan to bail out a number of banks. One expert said it cost Americans $1 trillion dollars. To give you an idea of how much that is, 10BillGateses and 35 Oprahs still don’t add up to a trillion dollars. How it’s going to be handed out is still unclear. All we know for sure is that it’s a trillion dollars, and it’s going to be hosted by Howie Mandel. According to a new survey, more Americans would rather watch a football game with Barack Obama than with John McCain, by a margin of 50-47 percent. Mostly because McCain has to get up every 10 minutes to go to the bathroom. Did anybody watch the Emmys? I didn't. The Emmys were the lowest rated in history. More people watched the Minnie Me sex tape. Don Rickles and Kathy Griffin presented an award. It’s great to see that grizzled old timer still get the laughs. And Rickles is funny, too.
Best drama went to the Green Bay Packers, I think. This is interesting: According to vehicle registration records, John and Cindy McCain own 13 cars, and Barack and Michelle Obama only own one. The McCains have 13 — which, to be fair, is only one for each house. They have a Cadillac GTS, a Lexus, 10 rascal scooters, and a hearse. Google is releasing a new phone. It’s called the G1. John McCain was very excited when he heard about it. When he heard G1, he said “Bingo!” In next week's People, Ruben Studdard will announce he's black. President Bush made a farewell speech in front of the U.N. General assembly. I thought he spoke quite powerfully today, especially at the end of his speech when he said, “Could we borrow some money?” My favorite band name at the moment: Morningwood.


From the home office in Groveland, Florida, here is this week's top ten list:
Top Ten Questions On The O.J. Simpson Juror Application
10. Can you be fair-minded during this murderer's trial?
9. Have you been attacked by Mr. Simpson in the past 6 to 12 months?
8. Are you familiar with his previous work?
7. How do you feel about sequels?
6. Experience is important -- on how many previous O.J. juries have you served?
5. Would you help O.J. find his wife's killer after the trial?
4. Can we put you down to serve on the next O.J. jury, which we tentatively plan to be in 2-3 years?
3. Can your opinion easily be swayed by phrases that rhyme?
2. Are you here just for the O.J. memorabilia?
And the number one question on the O.J. Simpson juror application... 
1. Are you one of the real killers?


It was the ultimate expression of road rage. A furious woman driver died after ramming another vehicle and spinning her wheels so fast that her own car burst into flames. Serena Sutton-Smith, 54, burnt to death after refusing to get out of her Vauxhall Nova as she sat with her foot flat on the accelerator. She spun the wheels so fast that her tyres disintegrated and the metal rims sent a shower of sparks into the engine, igniting the brake fluid and setting the car on fire. Appalled onlookers urged her to get out of the car as the flames licked around her but she told them to “Fuck off”, an inquest in Gloucester was told. The road-rage attack took place on a quiet country road in the Cotswolds between Weston sub Edge and Mickleton in Gloucestershire. The inquest heard that Paula Small was driving her Fiat Punto when Ms Sutton-Smith emerged from a side road without stopping, causing her to swerve to avoid a collision. Mrs Small was forced on the grass verge and she flashed her lights as Ms Sutton-Smith passed her. Ms Sutton-Smith then pulled over and Mrs Small stopped a short way in front of her. She was getting out when the Vauxhall Nova rammed her car. Mrs Small said: “I opened my door and put my foot out but as I was getting out there was a bang and I hit my head on the door frame. I was frozen with terror.” As neighbours came to investigate they saw Ms Sutton-Smith sitting with a furious expression, revving her engine and spinning her wheels. Nicholas Willmore told the inquest that he was in his workshop at Cottage Farm Antiques when his mother alerted him to what was happening outside. As he walked across the road to the two cars he saw smoke coming from the engine of the Nova. He said: “There was a deafening sound of an engine running as though someone had a foot stuck on the accelerator. “The car’s front wheels were spinning and there was loads of revving. I could see a biggish person at the wheel and there was movement in the car. Flames were coming from underneath the car and I thought the person might be trapped inside although I couldn’t hear any shouting. “I opened the driver’s door wide. It opened easily. The person looked at me, it was a big built woman. I said ’You’ve got to get out of the car. It’s going to burst into flames’.The person replied ’Fuck off, just fuck off’ and she raised her right fist towards me in a threatening manner before slamming the door shut. “I was a bit bewildered and moved 3-4 yards back. I could see her gesturing towards me. She seemed to be in quite a rage. Both fists were raised and being shaken and the person was looking right at me. “This was definitely done in a manner to tell me to stay away from her car.” Mr Willmore grabbed a fire extinguisher from his workshop but it failed to put out the flames. Another motorist also tried to extinguish the flames. Mr Willmore added: “The heat was getting more and more intense and the flames were growing. I could no longer see inside. There was nothing that could be done to help the person inside. “There was no attempt by the person to get out. In my opinion it was against all human instincts for someone to stay inside that car.” Ms Sutton-Smith was dead by the time fire fighters arrived to put out the blaze. Fire officer Andrew Clayton said: “The circumstances indicate that this was a deliberate act. She remained in the vehicle after ramming a car and then sat with the front wheels spinning until fire developed. “The front nearside passenger wheel gouged into the road surface by 50mm and the tyre was totally destroyed by the friction. This would have produced sparks igniting fluid, most probably brake fluid.” The inquest heard that Ms Sutton-Smith, who had previously worked behind the bar at a working men’s club in Ashton sub Edge, had a history of erratic behaviour and suffered from bipolar disorder. Alan Crickmore, the Gloucestershire coroner, said that her mental condition meant that she failed to appreciate the danger she was in. He said “At no time, prior to becoming incapicitated, was Serena trapped in her vehicle. She was certainly able to get out of it when Mr Willmore opened the door and invited her to do so. “I am driven to the conclusion that if at any time she had wanted to do so before becoming incapacitated she could have got out of the car and would not have died as a result of the fire. “I am satisfied the fire was started because of her deliberate actions. But I am far from satisfied that at that point in time it was her clear intention that death would ensue. “I think it is more likely than not that she failed to understand the peril she was in and the consequences of her actions.” He recorded a verdict of accidental death.


At some point in the next 38 days, you're going to watch a campaign ad and ask yourself if these things could get any more stupid and immature. We decided to find out. What would the ads look like if the legal voting age was lowered, so that campaigns had to target 13 year-old girls? Or 10 year old boys? Or first-graders? How would they reach all of these new, powerful demographics? So, here they are:
1. You Know What Else Is Old? Dinosaurs. McCain '08
2. It's 9 P.M. Who Do You Want Tucking
You In? Obama '08
3. Barack Obama: He'll Bring Mittens Back To Life
4. McCain/Cyrus
5. Don't Fall Under The Dark Lord's Spell! Vote For Barack Obama And The Senator From Delaware
6. Obama 2008: A New Hope
7. G.I. JOHN And The G.O.P. Real American Heroes
8. John McCain Is Rich. He's Highly Skilled In Hand-To-Hand Combat. He's Prepared To Personally Fight For The Justice In This World. We're Not Saying He's Batman Or Anything... But He Could Be
9. John McCain's Daughter Is Hot: Vote McCain
10. Vote For Someone Your Own Size: Kucinich For President
11. Barack Obama Will Bring Back The Old Facebook
12. Change? Who Need's That? Paid For By Tooth Fairies For John McCain


On the NBC talk show "Tomorrow", SNL alumnus Chevy Chase calls actor Cary Grant a "homo." Grant sues, but rumors of his homosexuality follow him for years. The one thing known for certain: Grant is the first person to use the word "gay" in its modern context on film: In Bringing Up Baby, while in a pink fluffy silk rope he exclaimed "I've just gone gay all of a sudden!"
After spending the whole day drinking, Led Zeppelin drummer John Bonham dies from alcohol poisoning. His corpse is discovered having choked on its own vomit.
President Carter's brother Billy dies of pancreatic cancer. The "First Brother" distinguished himself by whoring out to the Libyan government, and marketing "Billy Beer" -- considered one of the most abominable pilsner-style lagers ever to hit the American market.
Doogie Howser loses his virginity on ABC television.
In exchange for dropping the forcible sodomy charge against him, former NBC sportscaster Marv Albert pleads guilty to misdemeanor assault and battery. Albert's rape trial brought to light embarrassing allegations that he wears women's underwear, and asked women to procure men for group sex. The sheep issue was never raised. His defense accepted the plea bargain after the judge ruled he would admit information that Albert was involved in a sex fight resulting in the loss of his magnificent toupee.


If you were a little disappointed with last year's strike-shortened season, not to mention that horrible diversion south of the border and that other lengthy one to feudal Japan, "Heroes" is looking to get back on track with its third season. "Volume 3: Villains" began with a two hour premiere, and continues for the first thirteen episodes before giving way to "Volume 4: Fugitives" for the remainder of the season. We know that "Villains" will feature a re-powered Sylar and introduce a whole slew of more super powered baddies to the "Heroes" universe. I can't say that this was the most accessible place for potential new viewers to jump into the storyline, unless they caught that "red carpet" extravaganza before the episode began, but if you were able to keep up with it, they're certainly looking to turn things on their ears this year. That said, Sylar without powers was incredibly disappointing last season, though he still managed to be menacing. Sylar powered back up is downright terrifying. Zachary Quinto continues to be just amazing in this role, you can always feel that scared and unloved little boy underneath his heartless monstrous behavior. Just a little, but it's enough to make his portrayal amazing.


Being the sole man alive never meant you couldn't get a franchise! Variety reports that Warner Bros is putting a prequel to I Am Legend into production. The prequel boasts the return of Will Smith and director Francis Lawrence, and is based on a script outline cooked up by Smith, Lawrence, and producers Akiva Goldsman and James Lassiter. Obviously, it takes place before the plague wiped out New York. I hope they go daring and all Terminator 3-ish, and show Smith as being the scientist responsible for the whole mess. I also hope they name it I Will Be Legend. Top Cow continues its slow takeover of comic book movies -- IESB reports that Fathom movie is back on, despite creator Michael Turner's untimely death. And reportedly, Megan Fox has snagged the lead as Aspen Matthews. It's all from anonymous sources, but given that Magdalena and Witchblade are on their way, I wouldn't be surprised if it's made official before too long. Who needs Iron Man and Samuel L. Jackson cameos? September 30th brings, at long last, your chance to finally own David Hasselhoff's Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D on DVD. Don't think you can pick this up just anywhere, though, it's exclusive to Best Buy. But what price to pay for a cult classic?

Well, that's it for this entry of the Phile. The next entry will be next Thursday. I want to hit 5000 views by Thanksgiving, so please, spread the word, not the turd. Thanks for reading. Peace.

If I was invisible then I could just watch you in your room...

Thursday, September 18, 2008

I'm The Guy Sarah Palin Sucked To Get The Nomination

Are you ready? Are you ready for the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated blog. It seems just like a few days ago I updated this thing. Today's question is: Do you think Barack Obama looks like Curious George? We already have one Curious George in the White House now. ABC just showed their two-hour Sarah Palin special. It was called “Extreme Makeover — Republican Party Edition.” Here’s a warm story I read: A firefighter revived a cat by giving it mouth to mouth. That’s probably the story I’d go with too. Saturday was International Chocolate Day. I used to dance under the name International Chocolate. John McCain and his wife Cindy stopped in for a visit with the ladies on “The View.” I don’t think it was the light, chatty experience the McCains were hoping for. At one point Whoopi Goldberg asked if she should worry about slavery making a comeback if he’s elected . . . he never did answer her. After "The View",  McCain went and taped an episode of Rachael Ray’s show. He did a recipe that was one Sarah Palin’s — spaghetti and moose balls. More facts surfacing about Sarah Palin’s background every day. Sarah Palin’s father says that they shoot 90 percent of the meat their family eats. The other 10 percent they hit with their pick-up truck. Republican strategist Karl Rove recently said that John McCain’s attack ads go too far and aren’t truthful. Then Rove said, "I’ve never been so proud.” Karl Rove said that John McCain’s attack ads on Barack Obama have gone too far. When Karl Rove says you’ve gone too far . . . that’s like Mel Gibson saying you’ve had too much to drink. It’s like Keith Richards telling Amy Winehouse to ease up on the drugs . . .
On Election Day, Ralph Nader will appear on the presidential ballot in only 45 states. Nader said, "This is disappointing; I wanted to embarrass myself in all 50 states.” President Bush is back from the hospital. He had a growth removed from his head. It wasn’t a health issue — the growth just wanted to distance itself from him. One of McCain’s advisers implied that John McCain helped invent the BlackBerry. He should have gone with something more believable like he helped invent fire or something. Barack Obama had a big night — Barbra Streisand threw a big fundraiser for the Democrats. The dinner cost $28 grand a plate. For an extra grand you were allowed to leave before she started singing. Nothing says I’m a man of the people like a star-studded dinner at a Beverly Hills hotel. The OJ Simpson trial started a few days ago. It was exciting for me, because I was worried that Logan would not get to experience his own OJ trial. This time he’s being charged with kidnapping and robbery involving some guys who tried to sell some memorabilia he owned. I think it was his collection of "Battlestar Galactica" figurines. That one's for you, Ron. This will distract us from the terrible news that we will all be jobless and homeless very soon. The Dow fell 504 points yesterday . . . I have no idea what that means, but apparently it’s really bad. On Wall Street, they’re calling it Black Monday, but John McCain was quick to point out that it’s Black Monday — not “old white” Monday. This just in: Someone was able to hack into Sarah Palin’s Yahoo! e-mail account, because she hadn’t taken the proper security measures. So it’s official — no one in the Palin family uses protection. And finally, President Bush met with the cast of the Broadway musical “The Lion King.” There was an awkward moment when Bush called Simba his favorite African leader.


From the home office in Groveland, Florida, here is this week's top ten list...
Top Ten McCain/Palin Campaign Slogans
10. The Bridge To Nowhere Leads To Us
9. We Both Wear Support Hose
8. If You Like Regis & Kelly, You'll Love Us!
7. She's A Little Bit Country, He's A Little Bit Octogenarian
6. A Moose In Every Pot, A Car In All Seven Garages
5. The Choice Of Nine Out Of Ten Comedians
4. Lipstick You Can Believe In
3. Ailin' And Palin
2. Our VP Candidate Is Hotter Than Their VP Candidate
And the number one McCain/Palin slogan is 
1. She's Pro-Life, He's Near Death


Norman Whitfield: It was the 16th of September ...


Walt Disney Parks and Resorts on Thursday announced a new promotionto admit visitors free on their birthday next year. "Every guest gets in free to one of our parks on their birthday in 2009," Jay Rasulo, chairman of Walt Disney Parks and Resorts, said at a news conference in Manhattan. Visitors will have to show valid identification and proof of birthdate to qualify. Details are available at, where birthday visits can be registered in advance. Mike Lynn, a professor of consumer behavior at Cornell University's School of Hotel Administration, said admitting guests free to the parks on their birthdays could very well make money.
"The only thing they lose is the revenue from those people whose birthdays it is who might have come anyway," he said. "Having an extra customer in the park doesn't cost them anything. Those people are still a benefit because they have to buy food and drinks, and their friends and family are accompanying them." The birthday offer is part of a larger Disney promotion announced Thursday called "What will you celebrate?" It includes a 30-city tour with public events featuring Disney costumed characters, beginning in Minneapolis on Sept. 25 and ending in Phoenix in February. Disney will also start running "What will you celebrate?" TV ads featuring kids blowing out candles and brides in limousines. In addition, the parks will offer buttons to wear that identify guests with phrases such as "Just Married," "Just Graduated," and "First Visit." "Our goal is to mark the special moments in your life in a way that your family will remember forever," Rasulo said. Peter Yesawich, a consultant on lifestyle trends, said at the Disney news conference that Americans often arrange vacations around personal milestones such as anniversaries and birthdays. He called the phenomenon "celebration vacations." Miley Cyrus, star of the Disney show "Hannah Montana," plans to celebrate her 16th birthday at Disneyland in Anaheim, Calif., Oct. 5. I will celebrate my birthday away from that place.


A truck carrying $187,000 worth of nickels crashed, killing one person and scattering the coins across an interstate. "It's shiny across the roadway," said Florida Highway Patrol Trooper Kim Miller after Wednesday morning's accident. "There are nickels in
the grass, across the interstate." The southbound lanes of I-95 in Brevard County on the state's central east coast were closed forseveral hours as authorities used Bobcats
and other heavy equipment to scoop up the coins. Miller said the coins were on their way from Philadelphia to the U.S. Treasury in Miami, where they were set to be distributed to Florida banks. The crash involved two tractor-trailers, WESH-TV reported. The truck carrying more than 3 million nickels, owned by IBI Secured Transport, rear-ended an Apex truck. The Apex truck hit ran off the road and hit
a guardrail. The truck carrying the money overturned, which killed the right front-seat passenger. The driver of the IBI truck was airlifted to a local hospital. The driver of the Apex truck was transported to Parrish Medical Center in Brevard County and was treated and released. The Secret Service and U.S. Treasury went to the scene to determine how to pick up the loose change "and to make sure nobody touches any
of the nickels," Miller said.


The "Mukden Incident" occurs when Imperial Japanese troops occupying northern Manchuria blow up a portion of the railway near Mukden (now Shenyang), blame the destruction on Chinese saboteurs, and commence the annexation of Manchuria.
24-year-old starlet Peg Entwhistle dives head first from the letter "H" of the HOLLYWOODLAND sign in Los Angeles. She is the first person to commit suicide at the landmark.
A sleeping Jimi Hendrix dies in London from of a barbituate overdose when chunks of vomited tuna sandwich wind up in his lungs, causing him to choke.
The four KISS members release their solo albums. Rock on!
NBC television premieres "The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo", a spinoff of "BJ and the Bear". Claude Akins stars as Elroy P. Lobo, the slightly corrupt sheriff of Orly County, who faces his first misadventure in "The Day That Shark Ate Lobo."
France abolishes capital punishment, relegating its noble guillotine to a museum. The machine had not seen active duty for four years.
Two weeks after being outed in the New York weekly QW, attorney John Schlafly admits in an interview with the San Francisco Examiner that he is homosexual. This causes a certain amount of consternation for his mother, archconservativegay rights opponent Phyllis Schlafly.
Vitas Gerulaitis is killed in his sleep in the guest cottage of a friend's Long Island estate. The professional tennis player dies from carbon monoxide poisoning, caused by a faulty propane swimming-pool heater.


2. Thou Shalt Not “Poke” Indiscriminately
Maybe I’m missing something here, but as far as I can tell, “poking” people serves absolutely no purpose other than prompting the person on the other side to “poke” you back, sparking off a potentially infinite spiral of pointlessness that makes everyone involved just a little bit dumber than they were when it started. Before you know it you’re installing apps that offer “pro” pokes, “office” pokes, and “sexy” pokes. “Indiscriminately” might not even be the right word here. How about “Thou Shalt Not ‘Poke’ EVER” or “Thou Shalt Not ‘Poke’ Because That Shit Is Completely Retarded And Pointless”?


Two newlyweds go on their honeymoon. As they start getting hot and heavy, the woman says, "Please be careful with me—I'm a virgin." The puzzled man replies, "But you've been married three times before." "I know," she says. "My first husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist and he just wanted to look at it. And my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was—God, I miss him."


According to The Hollywood Reporter, Jeffery Erb and Robert Robinson Jr. have launched Framelight Productions with an eye to producing edgy comic and graphic novel adaptations. They already have options on Larry Hama's "Dr. Death with Kip and Muffy", Gary Reed's "Deadworld", Ralph Tedesco and Joe Tyler's "Sins of the Fallen", as well as their "1001 Arabian Nights". All of their productions aim to do one thing in particular -- involve the creator in all aspects of movie making. "We weren't the only producers wanting to make movies based on these creators' babies, but we were the only ones inviting them in as co-producers," says Erb. Edward Norton told MTV News ( that he's uncertain about the future of The Incredible Hulk and his role in it. There's been no word on whether they will be a solo sequel, or if Norton will be playing the Hulk in "The Avengers". "The minds of Marvel are sometimes opaque. I won't say [they're] obtuse, but I don't have any idea what they want to do." Perhaps they're considering Matthew McConaughey, who had no idea he was rumored for Captain America -- but revealed to MTV that Hulk is really the only Marvel character he would like to play. (They could save on the budget -- all they have to do is dye that muscled dude green.) According to The Sunday Times, Tobey Maguire has been granted an unprecedented "working father" deal for Spider-Man 4 and 5. He's willing to shoot them back to back, a six month shoot starting next year, but only if he's allowed early mornings and evenings off to spend with his young daughter. Awwww. He really is Peter Parker! According to Access Hollywood, Clark Duke is the latest to join Matthew Vaughn's Kick-Ass. He'll be playing Marty, best friend of Dave Lizewski, the main character. This film could be subtitled Kick-Ass: The Superbad Reunion. And speaking of Mark Millar -- /film has a scoop on a behind the scenes battle centered on the rights to his upcoming series War Heroes. A big-screen adaptation has been making its way around Hollywood, which has upset those who have been developing Shannon Eric Denton and Keith Giffen's series Grunts. Grunts came out first, has a similar concept of superpowered soldiers, and reportedly garnered the interest of Steve Buscemi. Comics2Film caught up with Denton, who confirms Grunts is making the rounds, but denies any knowledge of bickering or Buscemi.

Well, there you have it. Another entry of the Phile. The next entry will be done next Thurday, and I still want to hit 5000 views by Thanksgiving. We have less then 400 to go. So, spread the word, not the turd. Thanks for reading. Peace.

Hey there, where you going? Not exactly knowing...


Sunday, September 14, 2008

It's Sunday And Jesus Loves You

Are you ready? Are you ready for the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated Phile, and it's Sunday! Why on earth am I updating on Sunday? Well, today I went and got my fourth tattoo. I couldn't wait to tell ya'll. I'll be posting pics on the Myspace site soon. That is my last tat that I planned, but you never know. Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is out on the campaign trail, and she attended a rally in Wisconsin. The Alaska governor said she was thrilled to visit Wisconsin, because she’s never been to the Deep South. Oprah Winfrey is in the middle of a scandal, because she is refusing to have Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin on her show. The friction started because Palin said if she was elected she’d be the most powerful woman in the country, and Oprah said, “The hell you will.” John Edwards announced that in order not to be a distraction, he is canceling all public appearances until the election is over. However, Edwards said he will continue to make all of his private appearances. Jamie Lynn Spears may break up with her boyfriend because he cheated on her with a 28-year-old woman. When she heard about it Spears said, “That’s my grandmother’s age!” Sources in North Korea say that dictator Kim Jong Il is very sick. He may have to shift power to one of his three sons. Still, there’s an out-of-the-box chance he’ll pick Sarah Palin. Boy George says he’s written a song supporting Barack Obama. That will help Obama lock up the critical 1980s gay pop-star vote. They’re having trouble picking jurors in O.J. Simpson’s armed robbery trial. The judge says they want a jury of O.J.’s peers, but it’s hard to find anyone else who got away with double murder.


From the home office in Groveland, Florida, here is another top ten list...
Top Ten Signs You're Talking to a Fake Kim Jong-Il
10. Doesn't smile when you mention torturing dissidents
9. He's 6'5'', 250 pounds
8. Introduces himself by saying, "Hi, I'm Gary -- uh, crap, I mean Kim Jong-Il"
7. He seems Kimmy and Jongy, but not quite Illy
6. Your wife recognizes him as the Kim Jong-Il look-alike who stripped at her bachelorette party
5. Keeps using the phrase, "Chillax, bro"
4. He pays for drinks -- honestly, folks, when's the last time that man picked up a check?
3. Won't shut up about the new "90210"
2. He's only half insane
And the number one sign you're talking to a fake Kim Jong-Il...
1. Keeps referring to himself as "just a hockey mom"


Legendary dancer Isadora Duncan is killed in Nice, France when her long silk scarf gets tangled in the rear wheel of the convertible she's riding in. Her neck is broken and an artery severed. Some accounts have her thrown against the pavement and dragged for 100 feet. The freak accident occurs in full view of a number of friends.
Surgeons Walter Freeman and Egas Moniz perform America's first prefrontal lobotomy on a depressed, 63-year-old Kansas woman in Washington, D.C. They successfully create a lethargic dullard, and the duo hails the result for years to come as a medical triumph, despite the fact that two of their next twenty lobotomy subjects end as fatalities.
Grace Kelly, American-born princess of Monaco, dies after a high speed car crash the previous day. She and daughter Princess Stephanie were badly injured when their British Rover 3500 plunged into a ravine, tumbling 45 feet. In the official version of events, Grace suffered a mild stroke while driving; however, rumors persist that 17-year-old Princess Stephanie was actually behind the wheel.
I went and got my fourth tat.


David Foster Wallace: Finite jest.


In a combined effort to boost its box office receipts enough to become the highest-grossing film of all time (which it won't) and boost its awards profile enough to garner some Oscars (which it might), That Juggernaut Which We Call The Dark Knight will be re-released this coming January, according to The Hollywood Reporter. It's the month when the awards rush is high and the mainstream competition is low, and any chance to see it in the IMAX format (had ye missed it, for shame) should be relished regardless of the DVD's December arrival. And no, even if it doesn't best Titanic, director Christopher Nolan and the Brothers Warner are still looking at the cusp of a billion bucks worldwide. Yeah, so far as consolation prizes go, I've actually heard of worse. Hell, with numbers like that, maybe they could still sway Phillip Seymour Hoffman to climb aboard -- or at least help Michael Caine get his story straightened out...

Well, it's short, but that's Sunday's Phile. The Phile will be back next Thursday. I just want to thanks Rick at Ink Ink for doing a good job. Thanks for reading, spread the word not the turd.

Inked Again.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Go Local Sports Team And/Or College!

Are you ready? Are you ready for the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated blog on the internet. I am your host, Pat Riot, and yesterday was my day. So, I was supposed to update the Phile last night but by time I got home from work I crashed. So, this week the Phile is back on Friday. Later on I will tell you when the next update will be, and it's not Thursday. My new Prius is wonderful! It stays in the garage next to Jen's car, where they both chat. The Prius asked how Jen's Jag driver was, and the Jag said, "Fine. She's wonderful, kind, treats me well, and is a careful driver. How's yours, Peverett Prius?" And my car replied, "He is an ass, swears a lot, and gives the middle finger to other drivers. Wanna swap?" I love how my car plays my iPod when I plug it in. It actually is a thirty thousand dollar iPod speaker. There are some rumors on the Internet that Sharon Stone is dating a man less than half her age. No, it’s not me. Nicolas Cage’s new movie, Bangkok Dangerous, came out over the weekend. Not to be confused with my new movie, Bang Cock Dangerous. Bangkok Dangerous sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger being grilled on foreign policy: “Bangkok dangerous, California safe.” Arizona Sen. John McCain accepted the Republican nomination for president — just as I said he would. McCain issued a call for Americans to take it upon themselves to help change the country. We all want to see things change for the better, but very few of us are willing to do something about it. By the way, when I say us, I don’t mean me. And not just for white people, but for all.
There was a story going around that Oprah doesn’t want Sarah Palin on her show. But Oprah issued a statement saying there have been no discussions about having her on. Apparently, between bathroom makeovers and the best look for curvy women, they’re all booked up. It has nothing to do with Obama. O.J. Simpson’s trial started this week. It started with kidnapping and robbery, but on the way to the trial, he got pulled over by the police . . . on the way! He can’t catch a break. It’s almost as if the universe is trying to punish him for something. Like some sort of karmic retribution is coming his way . . . Google is 10 years old today. For a whole decade Google has been helping you find old friends, get good prices . . . and in some cases, getvicepresidential running mates. John McCain is ahead in the national polls. A man his age rarely sees the polls go up. A Sarah Palin action figure came out today. They’re working on a John McCain one, too. The best part is, you can change his diaper. Man, I want that Palin figure so I can undress it. Sorry, I didn't mean to type that. Barbra Streisand is performing at an Obama fundraiser. It’s $25,000 a seat. But for $50,000, you don’t have to go. If Obama thought Palin was bad news for his campaign, what about an endorsement from Streisand? That’ll get you straight into “also-ran.” The Verne Troyer sex tape is out. I’m blocking out my whole weekend so I can study it.
It looks like a woman having a baby played in reverse. Obama has said you can put lipstick on a pig, and it’s still a pig. Republicans then said, Did you call Sarah Palin a pig? And Democrats said, It’s a pig’s right to wear lipstick . . .  A new study came out that says men have a biological clock, too. I know I do. My big hand is always playing with my little one. Anybody here Kayne West fans? Kanye West was arrested at LAX. He smashed a paparazzi’s camera after he realized they were filming him. Then, he realized TMZ was there too filming him, so he tried to smash theirs as well. You can’t smash all the cameras. You’d be smashing the airport security cameras, the satellite cameras too. You can’t win. It’s like Wackamo. If Kanye wanted to really destroy the photographer’s camera, he should have checked the camera into his baggage.


From the home office in Groveland, Florida, here is this week's top ten list...
Top Ten Little-Known Facts About Republican V.P. Nominee Sarah Palin
10. Won the governorship from a scratch off lottery ticket
9. Every year wrestles a polar bear at the Alaska State Fair
8. Commutes to her office with a hybrid-powered dog sled
7. Hottest vice presidential candidate since Joe Lieberman
6. She invented the Internet
5. Three words: raised by Huskies
4. That thing on her head is related to that thing on Donald Trump's head
3. First V.P. to wear pumps since Mondale
2. Frequently gets 3am phone calls from Bill Clinton
And the number one little-known fact about Sarah Palin...
1. David Duchovny's addicted to her... and so am I


A masked man armed with a semiautomatic gun robbed an East-West Expressway toll booth late Wednesday night before driving off, Orange County sheriff's deputies said.
The gunman, wearing a ski mask and driving an older-model Ford, possibly a Taurus, pulled up to the toll booth on state Road 408 at Pine Hills at about 11 p.m. and demanded money from the attendant, deputies said. The attendant complied with the demands of the assailant, who drove away westbound on state Road 408, deputies said.


The magnificent phallic symbol Cleopatra's Needle is erected in London on the bank of the Thames. It doesn't really have anything to do with Cleopatra. The obelisk has a twin in New York's Central Park, also named Cleopatra's Needle. It has nothing to do with Cleopatra, either.
NBC television premieres "The Monkees", a sitcom about four guys in a rock band. When the show becomes a hit, the fictional Monkees somehow release a string of albums, even though three of the actors can't even play their instruments.
After releasing most of their captives, the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine blows up three hijacked passenger jets in the Jordanian desert. The 40 remaining Israeli hostages are taken to secret locations in Amman, Jordan.
The body of Steven Biko is discovered on the floor of a jail cell in Pretoria. The South African civil rights activist had been beaten and tortured six days earlier, during an interrogation in Port Elizabeth. Police officials claim that Biko probably suffered the fatal injuries when he "fell out of bed."
Anthony Perkins, star of the Hitchcock classic Psycho, dies of AIDS in his Hollywood hills home. His extraordinary versatility as an actor is captured in the films Psycho II, Psycho III, and Psycho IV: The New Beginning.
After a night of boozing and smoking crack, Frank Corder steals a Cessna P150 and crashes it into the south lawn of the White House. The wreckage tumbles over a tree and a hedge before coming to rest against the West Wing of the Executive Mansion. Corder's flamboyant suicide attack never actually imperiled President Clinton's life, since the First Family was sleeping elsewhere at the time.

And now a new pheature called...

1. Thou Shalt Not List Every Movie, TV Show, Band and Book You Have Ever Heard Of In Your Profile
Do you like Radiohead, A Confederacy of Dunces, and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off? Do you enjoy watching "The Office" and "Family Guy"? Of course you do - everyone likes those things. Why make it a point to express your enthusiasm for things that everyone likes? Maybe you’re cooler than that. Maybe you’re into cool, obscure bands like Fela Kuti and Einst├╝rzende Neubauten. Awesome, dude - you have impeccable taste in shit that nobody has ever heard of. Congratulations. Everyone knows that a person is only as good as their taste in books, movies, bands and TV shows, but what exactly do you hope to accomplish by posting a 5,000-item laundry list? Are you going to forge deep and meaningful new relationships with people based on a mutual appreciation of "Entourage", or sever ties with good friends because they AREN’T into Fela Kuti? If you feel the need to share this information with the world (and I know that you do), keep it as short as possible. Remember: You’re not going to impress anyone. It’s the Internet. Nobody is impressed by ANYTHING on the Internet.


This is being reported by the British "newspaper" The Sun, so I urge you to consider the source before going mad with anticipation. The Sun first reported that Catherine Tate, Bernard Cribbins and John Simm would revisit their roles as Donna, Wilf and The Master respectively in one of the upcoming "Doctor Who" specials slated for 2009. Later, it reported that Paul McGann would return as the Doctor in a flashback capacity. I would love for any of that to happen. Particularly McGann's return. But, it's The Sun. They're made it standard operating procedure to publish unsubstantiated rumors from unnamed sources. Much as I wish these were true, I'm not going to hold my breath unless I hear it from some sort of official source. Preferably the BBC.


It sounds glorious! Jon Favreau is doing a lot of press for the upcoming Iron Man DVD, and he sat down with CHUD to give an interview so long, it's been split in twain. Naturally, talk turned to plans for Iron Man 2 and 3, which Favreau is deep in the process of writing. Among the highlights: War Machine is likely to be in the sequel, as Terrence Howard's Col. Rhodes had too little screen time in the first film. They want to make up for that, and give him a crack at wearing the suit. The Mandarin is the overarching, behind-the-scenes villain, but he comes with a lot of racial and superpower baggage that is difficult to put on screen. Starships, dragon aliens, and ten magic rings that can upset the power of the universe don't really fit into the realistic universe Favreau has aimed to put Iron Man in. And yes, Favreau is concerned about how the various Avengers will fit into that world, too. Hulk and Captain America are feasible (and the cross-over has pretty much been forced on the former), but he's not sure about Thor. (Who is?) The recent hostilities between Russia and the U.S. have made a lot of Iron Man's arch enemies current again -- and we might actually see Crimson Dynamo pop up. (I vote yes, so we can get the Black Widow introduced to audiences.) Demon in a Bottle is coming. Expect to also see some elements of Matt Fraction's Iron Man run pop up -- the movie and his work have a real symbiotic relationship going on. There may even be a partnership forming ...
Now, isn't that a nice way to start the weekend? There's more where that came from on CHUD.

There you have it, the latest entry of the Phile, thanks for reading. The next update will be on Sunday, and then again next Thursday. Why Sunday? Why not? Until then, spread the word, not the turd. Peace.

Sarah Palin is hot!

Friday, September 5, 2008

I Heart Transitive Pictograph Verbalizations

Are you ready? Are you ready for the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated blog. I am your host, the Platypus of Death. So, last Monday guess who I met? The Baltimore Bullet. The most famous American right now. Michael Phelps. He's from Maryland, but I thought he was from Atlantis. Did you know his mother is a dolphin? Mark Spitz called saying he was upset that Phelps was invited to Disney. He was with his girlfriend Nicole, but I thought it was weird that he kept asking where the Little Mermaid was. This weekend I am hoping to get my new car, the Toyota Prius. It has a mp3 player and a rear camera. Q Branch over at MI6 in England is sending it over here as we speak. Many people have asked about Logan, my son. He's great, going to karate lessons twice a week. Yes, he's learning to kick my ass in style. So, have you been watching the Republican National Convention? I decided that I like John McCain. He looks like the guy who turns his business over to his son, but still shows up once a week. There’s a theme each night of the RNC, and the theme for tonight’s convention is, “Who Is John McCain?” Tomorrow night’s theme is, “Who Forgot to Check if the Vice President’s Daughter Is Pregnant?” John McCain’s running mate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, has revealed that her 17-year-old daughter is pregnant. The family said, “We should never have introduced her to John Edwards.” Bush appeared at the Republican Convention live via satellite. Which Bush calls live via magic. This year, there are only 36 black delegates at the Republican Convention in Minnesota. As a result, there are now 37 black people in Minnesota. John McCain was endorsed by the Log Cabin Republicans. They’re the organization of gay Republicans. McCain and the Log Cabin Republicans agree on one thing: They both want to distance themselves from Bush. There seems to be more coverage of Hurricane Gustav than the convention. Both very different, of course. One’s a stormy blast of wind that throws mud everywhere . . . the other’s Hurricane Gustav. A lot of gossip centered around Sarah Palin, McCain’s controversial choice for vice president. Some question whether a mother of five who only has been running the state of Alaska for two years should fill out a ticket run by a 175-year-old man. Palin’s 17-year-old daughter is five months pregnant. It was an unplanned pregnancy, but the family says the young man will marry her. His name is Levi Johnston. They found his MySpace page which was pulled down immediately, but before they did we found out he’s an “F-ing redneck” . . . and another quote from him was, “I don’t want kids.”
Monday, the same day I met Phelps, was Labor Day. I did very American things. I brushed my teeth; I watched NASCAR . . . The first Labor Day parade was held back in 1882. And the grand marshal for that parade? A young senator named John McCain. John McCain lasted 5 1/2 years in a POW camp in North Vietnam — even he couldn’t get through Joe Lieberman’s speech at the Republican Convention last night. Dick Cheney did not attend the convention in Minnesota. Apparently, he had already scheduled a heart attack. Hey, Sarah Palin looks like a model for LensCrafters.
Delegates were so captivated by Sarah Palin’s speech last night that at one point, the room got so quiet you could hear Sen. Larry Craig’s toilet flush. Sarah Palin spoke at the Republican Convention last night. She says she’s opposed to same-sex marriage. Palin said, “Everyone knows marriage isn’t for gay people — it’s for pregnant teenagers.” She says she’s a lifelong member of the National Rifle Association. Which explains why she is in favor of shotgun weddings. TV did great last night. The new version of “Beverly Hills 90210” premiered last night. It was a mix of the old has-beens of the old show, teamed with the sexy nobodys of the new show — kind if like TV’s version of the Republican ticket. I shit you not: Iraq to open Saddam abuse museum at Abu Ghraib. 


From the home office in Groveland, Florida, here is tonight's top ten list:
Top Ten Things Overheard at the Democratic National Convention
10. "Yes, Mr Gore, I am going to eat that"
9. "It's the biggest thing to hit Denver since John Elway's teeth"
8. "No, this is not the Star Trek convention. That's James Carville, not Spock"
7. "Is that a statue or John Kerry?"
6. "Sorry, no one under 18 is--oh, excuse me Mr. Kucinich, come right in"
5. "Hmmm...where I have heard that Joe Biden speech before?"
4. "Senator Clinton has handcuffed herself to the podium again"
3. "Hey, Senator Craig, what are you doing at the Denver airport?"
2. "Bill Clinton only showed up because he thought Denver was home of the 'Mile-High Club'"
And the number one thing overheard at the DNC...
1. "This is the Barack-iest week of my life"


Jerry Reed: When you're not, you're not.

We break the Phile for a weather report... Hurricane Ike became a formidable Category 4 storm Wednesday night with peak winds around 140 mph. The storm will remain quite powerful as it heads toward the Bahamas this weekend. The initial ocean swells from Ike will begin to impact the Southeast coast on Sunday. Currently, it's too early to tell whether Ike will slam into the Southeast coast next week or turn harmlessly out to sea. That being said, the storm is a serious threat and will be monitored closely day by day. Phans, better restock your hurricane beer. Might as well pick up some NFL week 1 beer while you're there. And now back to your already running Phile.


It turns out a construction site portable toilet wasn't the best place to hide from two men who think you tried to break into their truck. Those portable toilets can be so easy to tip over when you're inside with highly messy results. That's what the Tampa Police Department said happened to Lorenzo Earl Knight, 22, on Saturday afternoon near International Mall. Police said Knight broke into a truck in the mall parking lot, taking a $500 digital camera and the owner's manual. He had just jimmied the door of a second when its owner spotted him, the police report said. Knight took off, leaving behind a shoe and the screwdriver he used to break into the trucks, police said.
The owner of the second truck and a friend chased Knight who tried hiding in a portable toilet at a construction site, police said. The owner and friend found Knight and tipped over the toilet to keep him there until police arrived. Knight was covered with its contents, police said. He was arrested on two counts of burglary of a vehicle and one charge of grand theft. Knight, who did not have a permanent address, was released from the Orient Road Jail after posting $6,000 bond.


George W Bush is arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine for driving with a blood-alcohol level of 0.10 percent. He pays the $150 fine and has his driving privileges suspended for a month. Years later, during Bush's 2000 campaign for President, a WPXT-TV reporter from Portland, Maine uncovers the arrest record just one week prior to election day. It is also revealed that Bush's V.P. candidate, Dick Cheney, had arrests for drunken driving in 1962 and 1963.
25 workers are killed when a fire breaks out at the Imperial Foods food processing plant in Hamlet, North Carolina. Most of the victims -- predominantly single mothers -- die of smoke inhalation. The facility's rear exit had been padlocked by management to deter employee pilferage. The Imperial plant had never once in its 11-year history been inspected by the state. The owner, Emmet Roe, later receives 19 years in prison for the 25 counts of involuntary manslaughter.
3'11" actor Herve Villechaize puts a pistol to his chest and commits suicide in his North Hollywood, California home.
During a campaign stop in Naperville, Illinois, Presidential candidate George W Bush turns to running mate Dick Cheney and says, "There's Adam Clymer, major league asshole from the New York Times." Cheney responds, "Oh yeah, he is, big-time." Unbeknownst to the men, their comments are transmitted clearly to the television news feed. Rather than offer a mea culpa to Clymer, Bush later issues this non-apology: "I regret that a private comment I made to the vice-presidential candidate made it onto the public airwaves. I regret everybody heard what I said."


Steven Moffat, the upcoming showrunner for the hit Brit sci-fi television series, has hinted at a big-screen version of "Doctor Who". Upon review of the article, I can only conclude that someone took an offhand statement made by Mr. Moffat and ran with it. Perhaps they're just mentioning it to gauge fan interest in such a project. Rumors will fly, of course. "Doctor Who" movies have been attempted since the days of Tom Baker as the lead role. Two out-of-continuity movies were made in the 1960s (based on William Hartnell episodes of the program) in which thePeter Cushing Doctor fought his greatest enemies, the Daleks. If I had my druthers, I'd want to see a Paul McGann movie that fills in some of the gap between the 1996 movie and the Christopher Eccleston Doctor, but that's just me. Given the logistics of arranging such a thing, I'd put the odds of that happening somewhere between diddly and squat. Still, a movie about the Last Great Time War would be nice.


No more speculation, no more talk of ret-con and false funerals -- Harvey Dent is officially 100% dead. It comes straight from the mouth of Aaron Eckhart, who revealed his character's fate in no uncertain terms to "He is dead as a door nail. He ain't coming back baby!" And lest you doubt that he knows the mind of Christopher Nolan, well, Eckhart asked him whether Two-Face would ever be coming back. "I asked Chris [Nolan] that question and he goes, "You're dead" before I could even get the question out of my mouth. 'Hey Chris, am I?' 'You're dead!' 'Alright, cool.'" There's no chance it will be rewritten or retconned, as he was never even contracted for a third film. "No, I'm not coming back. I think unfortunately, Heath [Ledger] was supposed to go on and that didn't work out. I'm nobody. I'm a cog. I have no say over this sort of stuff. I'm sure that there's so many other characters that they could whip together. I heard Angelina Jolie was going to be Catwoman or something like that. I thought that was a great idea. I'd like to be in that one." Dent's death has now been confirmed via the novelization, the script, the actor, and the director. Though I would say that's as definitive as it gets, fanboys and girls across this great Internet refuse to accept it -- they just believe in Harvey Dent too much. But since we do live in a world where no comic character stays dead, where 299 Spartans can rise again, and Chev Chelios survives a fall from a helicopter, I guess you can hardly blame them.


The date has been set for Warner Bros and Fox to go head to head -- and it should soothe the fearful. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the studios will be going before the judge on January 6th. There's plenty of time, even at a snail's pace, for the issue to be resolved before the March 6th opening. (It's like the courtis going along with the movie marketing -- we'll get a video journal the same day. There really is no such thing as bad publicity in Tinseltown!) Furthermore, U.S. District Court Judge Gary Allan Feess says that Fox shouldn't attempt to file a preliminary injunction against Warners to stop the release of the film because the issues surrounding the case were too complex to be solved in an interim basis. Instead, both studios are being ordered to put their cases together, and start expedited discovery and depositions. This thing could get quite big -- as the New York Times pointed out, Paramount, Legendary Pictures, and even Universal could get hauled into it, alongside Lawrence Gordon, who's really the man in question in all this. And remember, this is if it actually makes it to court. This could easily be settled before Christmas, with Warners handing over a nice chunk of The Dark Knight change just to be done with it. (How appropriate that Bruce Wayne help out other costumed vigilantes.) It depends how fierce the studio is feeling, and how certain they are of their case -- but all signs point to you keeping your March 6th moviegoing plans. You really have to feel bad for the cast and crew on this one, though. All that happy buzz of ComicCon panels and promo posters squashed under a heap of legalese. Oh well, at least Fox can't take away what we've already been given.

There, another entry of the Phile. Remember, 5000 views by Thanksgiving. The next entry of the Phile will be posted next Thursday again. Hey, that's 9/11, Patriot Day. Great. Well, until then, spread the word, not the turd. Let love rule.