Pheaturing Joseph

Hi, kids, welcome to the Phile. How are you doing? What are Murder Hornets and how much toilet paper will we have to buy to stop them? Sam’s Club is known for selling in bulk. They even tend to go big or go home when it comes to water toys. They’re not selling a gigantic box full of Slip’n Slides, but they are selling the My First Splash ‘n Slide. Check this out...

This huge inflatable water slide has everything kids need for fun in the sun. This inflatable water slide is everything a kid could want. It has a climbing wall and a splash pool! So, $199 may sound like a big investment for some, but have you checked out ticket prices for water parks? Yeah, you’ll do a lot of saving with the My First Splash ‘n Slide. Plus, with the coronavirus pandemic still active, it’s a good idea to bring summer fun to your backyard. Connect the included air blower, and it will inflate in just two minutes. All you need is a garden hose to fill up the pool area with water. I am the king of getting overwhelmed and emotional when it comes to thinking about my childhood. Seriously, I’m getting teary-eyed just thinking about all of my favorite outdoor play memories with my childhood neighbors who I still talk to today. We had the best of times, and it was mostly due to summer activities. An inflatable pool, sporting goods, and sprinkler were all we needed for a fun afternoon. Okay, food too. And we had a HUGE swimming pool when I was a kid, but I can see this water slide being the summer toy kids look back on. Honestly, your grandchildren will look at this twenty years from now and wish they were still small enough to go down that inflatable water slide! It is made from high-quality material, so maybe I’d be able to enjoy the water slide without busting it. Kidding, but not kidding.
I have never felt this sorry for cows before. Yes, I said cows. Driving past herds of them in rural parts of towns never really made me think, “Man, those poor cows,” and I won’t speak for the activists, non-meat eaters, etc. But after seeing this video caught by a liquor store in Nebraska, I think I might be a little wearier every time I do see cows now. A camera at Lucky Joe’s Liquor Store in Neligh, Nebraska caught the most disturbing video late Thursday night. The liquor store video shows a horrible semi-truck crash, capturing how the semi flips onto its side. But that’s not even the worst part. Not only does the semi-truck flip, but as it landed on its side, it flings the cows that it was holding inside out of the roof. Here's a screenshot...

The video shows that as the semi-truck crashed, it hit a pole, initiating the momentum to send the cows flying through the top of the cattle truck. The cows landed in the building, and you can see some of them struggling to roll over and get up. The driver of the semi is luckily okay with minor injuries. The cows, however? Not exactly the same story. Apparently the driver had thirty-one cows in his cattle truck. At least five of the cows had slid out of the top of the trailer part and slid towards the building, suffering minor damage. The video shows one of them sliding into an ice freezer, getting up, and walking away. However, not all the cows were as lucky. Three other cows were already found dead, and four others had to be put down due to their injuries. According to Neligh Police, the crash is still under investigation. Again, I have never felt more sorry for cows in my entire life. It might actually make me reconsider my actions while eating burgers. Naaaahhhh.
Senator Kamala Harris, Bernie Sanders, and Ed Markey have officially pitched an idea to pay most American families thousands of dollars each month until the COVID-19 economic crisis subsides. The trio has now released their plan called the Monthly Economic Crisis Support Act. This will expand on the $1,200 sent to Americans as part of the March coronavirus stimulus plan. The legislation would send a monthly $2,000 check to those who make less than $120,000. It would expand to $4,000 to married couples who file taxes jointly and it will also provide $2,000 for each child up to three. According to Harris, the bill is a reflection that Congress’s efforts were not “nearly enough to meet the needs of the historic crisis.” Speaking about the ACT, Sanders stated, “Congress has a responsibility to make sure that every working-class household in America receives a $2,000 emergency payment a month for each family member.” The payments are said to be retroactive to March and would continue until three months after the Health and Human Service department has officially declared the public health emergency over. The legislation would also bar any debt collectors from taking the payments, delivering them regardless of whether people have a Social Security number or if they filed any taxes last year. The effort for Markey, and the two former presidential rivals, represent one of the biggest and most expensive ideas that have been put forward for the next round of the coronavirus relief. Other House and Senate Democrats have proposed federal guidelines for workers’ salaries, with Senator Josh Hawley pitching his idea of having the government subsidize employers’ payroll to avoid any mass layoffs. Bring the money I say.
Ah, my poor little heart. It can’t take this much cuteness mixed in with happiness and sadness at the same time. I love all kinds of reunion videos, whether it’s family and soldiers reuniting after some time apart, or it’s puppies reuniting with their owners. They all make my heart melt inside. So when I saw this video, I knew I had to share it with the world, because it goes to show us how much we need to appreciate our loved ones. So yeah, cue in the tears. Serena Gonzalez, a military mother from Pennsylvania is a Machinist’s mate in the American Navy who is situated in San Diego, California. Gonzalez has a 3-year-old little girl, which she had to leave across the United States in the care of her uncle, Billy Cruz until she could get back home after her service. Serena decided to re-enlist so she could give her little girl, Ariella, her post New York 9/11 charge which usually pays for veteran’s instruction costs and can be exchanged to youngsters after they have achieved ten years of administration. In other words, the mother is giving Ariella the endowment of having the ability to go to any school she needs when she’s older and ready to graduate high school. Not being able to see her daughter for long periods of time, Billy decided to surprise the Navy mom by giving her the joy of seeing her daughter. So both he and 3-year-old Ariella packed their bags and flew across the United States to give Gonzales the ultimate gift. A hug from her toddler. After arriving in San Diego, both Billy and Ariella went to Gonzalez’s companion’s place where she was staying for the night. As she was dozing off on the brown floor, her companion recorded as Ariella stood in front of her mother and Billy, as they woke her up. The Navy mom slowly opens her eyes and in disbelieve snaps up completely conscious and yells, overwhelmed by seeing her 3-year-old’s face. The mother quickly wrapped her little girl into her arms, crying out to her in complete bliss. Wanting to share the heartfelt surprise, the mother shared the video with the sweetest message, reading, “I got the best astonishment of my life at the beginning of today. My youngster. To have the capacity to hold her. What’s more, feel her arms around me once more. To see her grin again face to face. The best love I’ve ever known is from my boogie-woogie. I am honored unendingly with her life consistently.” See, I told you, tears after tears after tears. You’re the man, Billy. Thank you for your service Serena, we know it’s hard leaving your family behind. I hope you get more sweet and loving surprises like these throughout your time in service.
This year marks the 75th anniversary of VE Day, celebrated every May 8th to commemorate Nazi Germany surrendering to Allied Forces, ending World War II. Many D-Day Veterans celebrate this holiday along with D-Day on June 6th to remember the Allied invasion of Normandy, France. Both of these holidays are momentous in taking a moment of silence to remember our war heroes. This particular D-Day veteran is showing how truly tough he is, even at his old age. Fred McQueen, a 98-year-old WWII veteran, is not only remembering World War II today, but also celebrating his health accomplishments. This British veteran was not only one of the first veterans to go ashore onto Juno Beach back in June 1944, but also has beaten cancer three times. And to add even more to what he has overcome, he has officially beat COVID-19. So to sum it up, Fred McQueen has not only fought on the front lines of one of the biggest wars in history, but he has also overcome bladder, bowel, and kidney cancer, and now, he has beaten the coronavirus. He was admitted to the hospital in January for a chest infection and fever when he tested positive for COVID-19. For weeks, NHS nurses took care of him, and now the veteran is fully recovered and safely at home. McQueen was part of the 615 Field Squadron of the Royal Engineers, later joining the Second Guards Armed Division. I already mentioned that he was one of the first soldiers to touch down on Juno Beach in Normandy, France, during the D-Day invasion, but in September 1944, he was also involved in Operation Market Garden, where Allied forces were to seize nine bridges located in the Netherlands, infiltrating German territory. What a tough dude. Seriously. Fred met his wife Auriel during his army days and married her after the war. They had their daughter Joan, followed by three grandchildren, and now six great-grandchildren. This pandemic ain’t got nothing on this badass. Thank you for your service Fred! I'm glad to see you well and inspired by your life!
Instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this record...

Ummm... never mind. So, movie marquees are getting creative since this whole pandemic business.

Haha. The End Of Donald Trump... Those protestor signs really bother me, like this one for instance...

Hmmm. I really don't know what to say. Now for the home office in Port Jefferson, New York.

Top Phive Things People Are Going To Do When The Pandemic Is Over
5. I'm going to say "hi" to everyone in public restrooms.
4. Adding sweatpants to my "going out clothes" collection.
3. Stay in for another month just to be safe.
2. Get back to avoiding people from high school because I want to, not because it's required by law.
And the number one thing people are going to do when the pandemic is over is...
1. I'm going to delete Zoom for good!

Plants need water and sunlight. Water is blue, sunlight is yellow. Blue and yellow make green. Plants are green.

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Haha. Okay, so you know I live in Florida, right? Well, there's stuff here that happens no where else in the universe.

A Florida woman who was trying to graphically, albeit digitally, have an intimate moment or twelve with her incarcerated boyfriend ended up getting locked up herself after her kid walked in on her in the virtual love fest. Thirty-two-year-old Noelle Rascati was getting it on, pandemic style, with her 26-year-old partner Tathan Fields, who is serving a fifteen-year sentence. Things were pretty hot and heavy. Toys were involved. No doubt moans were moaned and absolutely filthy (but maybe also hot) things were shouted and muttered and gasped and exclaimed. The only problem was that Rascati’s little kid was in the room the entire time, walking around and, hopefully, oblivious to what mom and the man making weird noises from the computer, were doing. Rascati was arrested and charged with "engaging in lewd and lascivious conduct in the presence of a minor." It is unclear at this time if the man, Fields, faced charges for anything, though he was once previously charged for masturbating to the female instructor of a prison class, apparently. WHAT!?! How do you get off at all while your kid is walking around, let alone get off that hard? Who has an appetite for a buffet of dildos while their kid is skipping around singing the "Paw Patrol" theme song to themselves? This goes for the guy too. I mean, I guess jail makes you kind of desperate, but still. A baby running around the room while you yank on yourself is like a hundred bridges too far. Prison can’t be that bad. There’s at least a fifty percent chance that at some point in that little kid’s life they have picked up and played with a graphic as hell sex toy that their mom left laying around the kitchen or something.

In 2018, this Tumblr saw a plague evacuating big cities.

Okay, let's take our daily look at Port Jeff, shall we?

Looks like a beautiful day there. It is here in Florida as well.

The record unemployment rate reported on Friday captured the pain of a nation where tens of millions of jobs suddenly vanished, devastating the economy and forcing President Donald Trump to overcome historic headwinds to win a second term. Just a few short months ago, Trump planned to campaign for reelection on the back of a robust economy. That’s a distant memory after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April, leading to an unemployment rate of 14.7%, the highest since the Great Depression. There’s no parallel in U.S. history for the suddenness or severity of the economic collapse, which is ravaging some states that are crucial to Trump’s victory. The president is now tasked with convincing voters that the catastrophic jobs losses were the result of the pandemic... not his management of the public health crisis. He also argues that he deserves another chance to rebuild what the virus destroyed. “What I can do: I’ll bring it back,” Trump told Fox News on Friday. “It’s fully expected. There’s no surprise. Everybody knows that. Even the Democrats aren’t blaming me for that.” Bringing back jobs quickly won’t be easy. Backdated statistics show that unemployment reached as high as 25% in 1933 during the Great Depression. A broader calculation of unemployment from April’s jobs report suggests the rate might be nearly that high now, as the 14.7% rate doesn’t include people who left the labor force or still consider themselves employed despite not working. But the efforts needed to contain the spread of the coronavirus have caused much more rapid job loss than during the 1930s. “The last time we had unemployment rates in this neighborhood, it took us five years to get there,” said Erica Groshen, an economist at Cornell University and former commissioner of the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. “This time, we will have achieved that in two months.” The suddenness of the crisis has been a shock to Americans, who will be looking for reassurance from Trump. “The White House can make the point that the collapse was not the result of economic policies but an unprecedented global pandemic,” said Kevin Madden, a Republican strategist who was a senior adviser on Mitt Romney’s 2012 presidential campaign. “But they need to look forward, too: Present a detailed roadmap, restore people’s confidence and pledge to work with Democrats and Republicans alike.” Many of the layoffs are classified as temporary, which means workers could get recalled as the outbreak subsides and the unemployment rate would fall. But it’s unlikely to immediately return to the 3.5% that Trump was celebrating, as consumer spending might be slow to recover and businesses and workers adjust to changes forced by the disease. Until recently, the Trump campaign planned to use the spring to hammer its Democratic opponent with negative ads while touting the president’s handling of a strong economy. But after the pandemic ignited on American shores, the reelection team has grown increasingly worried about the president’s standing in a series of key battleground states including Michigan, Wisconsin and Florida. Kevin Pierce’s experience is a warning to Trump. The 24-year-old was a restaurant marketer in Miami who received zero state or federal benefits after a byzantine application process. “Two applications, and I still have no idea what’s going on,” he said, arguing that Trump and Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis should be punished at the polls. “They both just seem to not care about what’s going on and strictly want to build themselves up. I think it’s on Trump. His administration didn’t take the proper steps.” But Jeremy Anders, a barber who hasn’t been able to cut hair since March because of Pennsylvania’s shutdown orders, said he will still vote for Trump in November. “He’s made mistakes and I think he’s too much of an egotist, but I’m still going to vote for him,” said Anders, 36, who lives in the small town of Martinsburg. The urgency to restart the economy has fueled Trump’s push to reopen locked-down states, even though some in his inner circle express worry because the national infection rates, if the New York City area is removed, continue to rise. There has also been debate about supporting a federal bailout of state and local governments, which account for about 20 million jobs, and, if they don’t receive funding, will surely have to cut workers. “It was under President Trump’s leadership that the economy reached unprecedented heights in the first place, and he is the best choice to help us rebuild the economy again,” said campaign spokeswoman Sarah Matthews. History suggests Trump faces hurdles ahead. The president in office during the onset of Great Depression, Herbert Hoover, was routed in his 1932 reelection bid. Voters also cast out other recent incumbents who presided over sluggish economies, including Jimmy Carter and George H.W. Bush, while Barack Obama was elected in 2008 after Republicans took the brunt of the blame for the collapse of the financial markets that fall. If that happens again, the GOP isn’t just worried about keeping the White House. Voters who reject Trump may also turn against Republican candidates for Congress. That’s especially concerning for Sen. Cory Gardner of Colorado, which has been trending Democratic in recent years, and could cause problems for GOP Sens. Susan Collins of Maine, Thom Tills of North Carolina and Martha McSally in Arizona, where close presidential races are expected. For his part, Joe Biden, the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, has ramped up the intensity of his economic pitch amid the pandemic slowdown. Reacting to the jobs report, he used an online address to blister Trump for economic “failings that have been present since Day One but are coming into sharp relief in the current crisis.” Though typically overshadowed by Trump’s megaphone, Biden argues the administration offers a false choice between reopening the economy and limiting the casualties of the coronavirus. The balance, Biden says, is a national plan for testing and tracing. And he cast Trump as caring only about the wealthiest Americans, evidenced by Republicans’ nearly 2 trillion dollar tax cut in 2017 and the president’s emphasis on the stock market as “the only metric he values.” “Conventional wisdom would say ‘It’s the economy, stupid,'” said Adrienne Elrod, a Democratic strategist who was senior adviser to Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign. “If good, a president gets reelected. If not, he loses.”

The 124th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Ellie will be on the Phile Friday, kids.

The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float alone?” “Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time to talk business.”

Today's guests are the women from the Portland, Oregon band Joseph whose latest "Good Luck, Kid" is available on iTunes, Amazon and Spotify. Please welcome to the Phile... Natalie Closner Schepman, Allison Closner and Meegan Closner.

Me: Hello, ladies, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Natalie: Thanks, Jason. We are good.

Me: So, your band is called Jospeh but none of you are named Joseph. So, where did the name come from? 

Natalie: We chose our name as a tribute to the town of Joseph, Oregon and our grandfather Jo.

Me: Cool. So, I love the song "Fighter" from your latest album "Good Luck, Kid." What is that song about?

Natalie: It's about inner sibling, inner band troubles. 

Me: Is that a hard subject to talk about?

Meegan: No, it's okay. we signed up to talk about when we wrote the song.

Allison: And we're talking when we told people what it's about.

Me: So, what happened with you three?

Allison: Roughly what happened was we toured a lot and I think we have been learning a lot about communicating and our communication styles doing this. And as a family our family communication styles are. I think there were some external circumstances and relationships that have been written into the album as well, that was really creating a lot of extra attention on top of whatever was happening with being on the road so much and being totally exhausted. We were just not, bottom line, talking about what was going on. And so a lot of it was my fault.

Meegan: Yeah. Some of it we all created.

Allison: I know. It's okay. We fixed most of the problems now. It basically boiled down to this one moment where I acted really dumb to Natalie at a show and it just sort of broke the seal.

Me: On stage or backstage?

Allison: It was right after the show. 

Me: Oh, man, that's the worst time to say something, right?

Allison: It was really bad so thanks a lot. It all culminated after this one thing I said. There was a small car wreck, there was Natalie jumping out of the car into the place we were staying at.

Natalie: It was dark and stormy night.

Allison: It was actually, yeah.

Me: So, who wrote the "don't leave me in the dark" lyric?

Meegan: Oh, who did?

Natalie: It's hard to remember those sessions with who said what.

Me: The song sounds like one of you girls talking to the other two. Am I right?

Natalie: It's funny because when we were writing it before we had gone through this conflict and are were writing it essentially about Meegan's relationship she was in. But Alli and I were looking at each other and thinking this is about us. Like this is about the three of us and this is us like singing to her.

Allison: But we hadn't talked about it yet.

Natalie: Yeah, we couldn't say that.

Me: When did you talk about it?

Natalie: On the fight night.

Meegan: Sounds like a movie title... Fight Night.

Me: Haha. How close did it come?

Natalie: Basically for me, I thought about it since, and realized it would've been really hard to pull off braking up the band because we had made this album that we all loved a lot. I don't know how it would've worked but in my heart it just felt like I didn't want to keep going. It really just out an end date in my head. Previously I had always been like Joseph will go on for as long as it possibly could go on. When this thing happened I had a moment where I thought well, I won't be doing this forever. We would've still done this album...

Meegan: Maybe.

Natalie: In my mind.

Me: You don't think so, Meegan?

Meegan: Sitting next to each other in the van and all the tension one of us would of been like I'm done.

Natalie: But Meegan was amazing and basically acknowledged all the things and come to me and said, "I'm not going to be the reason why this thing ends."

Me: Was it hard that you had to do Christmas and Thanksgiving together as you three are siblings? 

Natalie: That's the exact thing pushing us to work it out, that we are siblings. We know we cannot get away from this person.

Me: Allison, what did your parents think of this? 

Allison: Our dad really honestly helped us a lot.

Natalie: He's such an incredible wise man and communicator and he mediated the situation. He said, "We're not going to have Christmas like this!"

Allison: He tried to meditate it but that's when I got into a car accident.

Me: Oh, shit, what happened?

Natalie: Allison said this fighting needs to stop then ran right into someone's mirror and it just blew right off.

Me: When you sing that song on stage does some of the stuff come up sometimes?

Natalie: Yeah. We have to find a way to mean it every single time as much as possible. So it's a constant reminder. We actually had moments where Alli was like, "Hey, remember we decided we were going to fight about stuff and not going to put it under the rug." So it's a little corny but it's good mantra thing.

Me: Was the record made before or after the fight?

Meegan: It was before.

Me: I listened to your earlier work and thought this new album was a little heavier so didn't know if this was part of the transition. Was it?

Allison: I think the songs were written but I don't think the whole record was made.

Natalie: Yeah, totally. Basically prior to our last album "I'm Alone, No You're Not" we toured just the three of us and a guitar, we wrote just the three of us and a guitar. Then when we had the label support and all of this team we ended up bringing a band with us on the road to support "I'm Alone, No You're Not." Being in those rooms with the opportunity like the band it was like this sonic palette is vast and we are only sing this much of it. So when we were writing these songs for the next one we wanted it to be a title wave sound in some moments so those quieter moments could be even more emphasized.

Me: Was that a good thing and a challenge?

Natalie: It wasn't overt. I've been playing guitar for I guess it's been about ten years now. It seems more than it is but I'm 32 so I started in my adulthood and I just have certain chord shapes that I know and I was getting so fatigued by these different voicing and everything. My friend was like what if I wrote a song playing one note at a time on a low E-string and see what happens. It was thrilling because there was this big question mark of what could feel this space and I'm just not in the 1, 3, here if 5 try out of every normal shape and so that as where there was so much more possibility if this was just a folky album, which I still love. Don't get me wrong, that's in my heart, but... this album was just not that album for us.

Me: I love the record. How do you girls feel going forward?

Natalie: So thrilled.

Allison: So proud.

Me: So, you like each other now?

Meegan: Yeah, we like each other.

Me: On the last tour were you bussing it?

Allison: Yeah, we were bussing it for the first time ever.

Me: Man, I wish I was on that bus. Hahahahaha.

Allison: Our managers said don't get used to it because we'll probably be in a van next time.

Me: Hahahahaha. I love the song "Green Eyes" from the album. Meegan, your voice sounds amazing there. What can you say about that song?

Meegan: Thank you. It's or love song on the album.

Allison: It's a song we wrote with this guy named Trent Dabs in Nashville.

Natalie: He wrote "High Horse" with Kasey Musgraves.

Me: I remember seeing you girls on "Conan" and really liked the band. I have to show a pic...

Me: Please come back on the Phile again soon. Stay well.

Natalie: Thank you, Jason. We will.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to the ladies from Joseph. The Phile will be back tomorrow with filmmaker Mike White. Spread the word, not the turd... or virus. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon