Hey, kids, welcome to A Peverett Phile Christmas, the 12th and last one. How are you? Kids today are so coddled... Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved. Okay, so, did you know there's a murder scene in "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"? In hindsight, I have come to realize how actually messed up "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" is. For a Christmas special to traditionally air for decades (it came out in 1964!), you would think that someone, ANYONE, would realize why the evidently obvious themes and motifs throughout the entire movie are actually pretty awful. So how in the world did people not realize that there’s actually a whole murder scene in this supposedly family-friendly movie?!
Before we dive into the murder scene, if you’re still confused as to why this Christmas classic is actually not as innocent as it portrays itself to be, let me explain. Firstly, bullying is so prominent in this movie. Rudolph is bullied by Comet and the rest of his peers for being different (his bright red nose) and is even shunned from helping guide Santa’s sleigh.
Only when Santa Claus himself decides he actually needs Rudolph’s nose to help guide the way around the world from the North Pole is when Rudolph was actually celebrated as an individual. “Oh actually Rudolph, I could really use you. I guess we can accept you into our little family now because you’re finally useful for something,” is basically what Santa is saying. The stop-motion animation holiday classic celebrated getting others’ approval in order to find self-worth, especially at a young age. Even Rudolph’s father, Donner, tried hiding his nose so that maybe Rudolph would fit in.
Nevertheless, moving on to the murder scene that was so subtle, you may not even remember it. It’s actually a scene near the end of the movie, right as the credits roll in. Focusing on the misfit toys, which again, emphasizes the concept of finding societal acceptance by doing what is “supposed to be done” as opposed to celebrating who you are, one of Santa’s elves is seen dropping these toys with sad stories of rejection off with umbrellas to help them fly.
The last misfit toy to get dropped off is a bird that is supposed to be able to fly, but can actually only swim. This evil, sociopathic-like elf pulls out an umbrella to give this flightless bird so that it can land safely. But as the bird prepares to take off, the elf withholds the umbrella, sending the bird down to its death below. Of course, we don’t see the big splat, but you can only imagine after putting the two and two together. Maybe we need to do a deep dive of all the classic holiday TV specials to re-evaluate what we were really consuming as children. Apparently, there’s more truth to be told about the likes of Charlie Brown, Sam the Snowman, Frosty, and more iconically famous holiday characters. So much for an actual holly jolly Christmas as Burl Ives had once mentioned, am I right?
It looks like the holidays just got a little bit better thanks to Tic Tac! ‘Tis the season to decorate your beard, with freshly minted Tic Tac candy cane mints. Yes, because Christmas decorations on your door are so last year and peppermint is pretty much the best thing on earth.
The company got into the festive spirit this holiday season by introducing the ultimate version of Santa’s beard. Because we all know that everyone likes to decorate their beards for Christmas. Yes, men are putting Christmas ornaments and DIY lights on their beards. Think of it as a new fresh and sweet accessory.
According to the company, the new creation builds on the holiday beard trend bringing Tic Tacs fun-loving personality to the holiday experience. The freshly mint custom look takes inspiration from Saint Nick himself and puts a fun twist to Santa’s iconic white facial hair.
The Tic Tac wearable is made with more than 300 Tic Tac candy cane mints and also features a Tic Tac holster hidden deep within Santa’s beard to ensure that he’s ready to go for the holidays. Because let’s face it, Santa Claus is probably downing cups of coffee in the North Pole because of stress, so he has to make sure his breath always smells fresh.
Well, it looks like Santa is a Trump supporter and customers are not happy about it one bit. A Georgia Santa Claus who sparked controversy after posting a photo on social media of himself wearing a MAGA hat supporting President Donald Trump at a mall is now receiving hate comments from users.
Frank Skinner has played Santa Claus every Christmas for nearly 50 years, including the past 14 years at the Waycross Shopping Center in Georgia. As the mall was closing, and there were no children around, he decided to nonchalantly switch his hats and pose with the red hat for fun.
Skinner said he did so very innocently, not thinking twice about the situation. He believes someone saw the photo on his Facebook page and sent it to the Georgia mall management, and was quickly told not to come back to work. Feeling like his constitutional rights were taken away, he stated he didn’t necessarily intend to “create a firestorm by doing that but simply intended to post the photo on my page for a little humor, as I have many friends and family who, like me, support our president.”
The fake Santa stated the photo made its way to mall management with a request to remove the hat, which he believes was made out of context since he wears the hat all the time. Since that day, he is unsure what actions the mall will take next after he was replaced while management investigates.
Despite what the outcome might be, Skinner said he had no intention of offending anyone and has learned “a serious lesson.” He wrote, “I in no way meant to cause anyone discomfort,” Skinner said. “At the time I thought it was harmless fun. Now I realize in this day and age that I should not have posted it. Obviously, it did offend some folks. I can assure everyone that was not my intent. I have learned a lot from this. Going forward I will keep this in mind.”
I have said it once, and I’ll keep saying it until these types of stories go away. Regardless if you are a President Donald Trump supporter, or not, just get rid of those damn, obnoxious Make America Great Again Trump hats. They are only causing unnecessary problems.
As if we needed more to worry about.
It looks like Santa might be taking the naughty list a little too far this year after an app reportedly repeated “Santa” was going to kill children. Yes, Kersty Elizabeth Taylor described how she was “left absolutely fuming” after hearing the disturbing message on her 3-year-old son’s Finlee’s Kindle. The toddler had downloaded the app from the Amazon Children’s Store.
The mom posted a video on her Facebook, showing how the app worked, titled “Santa Call New 2018." When one pressed the call button, an incoming call from Santa pops up. Before one can say hello, an automatic voice comes on saying, “Hello there. Can you hear me, children? In five nights, if you’re free, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”
The whole idea behind the app is that it allows children to “speak” with Santa himself, as he repeats the same cheerful messages to the children. But clearly, someone has tampered the app to deliver the chilling message instead. Several parents are outraged by the app, since many children might not know the danger behind it, and might end up traumatized.
The mother is urging other parents to exercise caution when using any app or allow their children to have access to download at their free will. She successfully reported the app and is urging parents to check their children’s phones and tablets to avoid potential scares like these. Unfortunately, although reported, the app won’t automatically uninstall from anyone who has downloaded it on the phone, but Amazon is reportedly investigating the incident and is contacting the app’s publisher to demand an explanation.
How that child isn’t scared for life is beyond me. I guess the creators were Liam Nelson fans?
Ticket-holders attending a Christmas-themed event for kids at a mall in South Australia were left fuming after being disappointed over its “tacky” offerings.
The Santa’s Winter Village installation was scheduled to take place at the Colonnades shopping center in Adelaide from December 12th–23rd.
It has now shut down due to a barrage of complaints from angry parents who called the event “cheap” and a “scam.” Admission was not cheap. Early bird prices for a single ticket started at $29.70 plus an additional $2.70 goods and services fee. Attendees expected to find a variety of experiences under one roof... including a giant candy lane game, a Christmas ice show, and a meet and greet with Santa Claus in an “enchanted forest.” What paying visitors got instead was a warehouse experience with a sparse Christmas landscape made of cardboard cutouts and seemingly repurposed DIY decorations from a different amateur-hour event.
Buzzfeed News said the shopping mall’s spokesperson met with the relevant team to address the backlash and concluded the event fell below expectations. The closing notice posted on the shopping center’s Facebook page read, in full...
I have to see a picture of this thing...
Hahahaha. That looks like a Fyre Festival for kids.
If you're still looking for a Christmas tree ornament this year, how about this one?
That about says it all, right? Speaking of ornaments, when I saw this one I thought it was a severed toe at first...
Okay, you heard of Elf on the Shelf, right? Well, get ready for...
Gingerbread men are looking a little different this year...
Hahahaha. So, did you know that if you turned Florida upside down it would look like the Grinch? You didn't? Let me show you...
Crazy, right? I love that. So, you know the movie Elf? Did you know I was originally supposed to be Buddy? You didn't? Well, let me show you...
Hahahahahahahahaha. Told you. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here is...
Top Phive Things Said About The Holiday Season Of All Time
5. Three months ago I was crying every single day when I drove home from work because I was so unhappy with my life. I'm still doing that but now I get to listen to Christmas music simultaneously.
4. Here's the thing, if Santa knows when your kids are naughty or nice then he knew Rudolph was being bullied.
3. Hope I get Serotonin for Christmas.
2. A Christmas Carol is a heartwarming tale of how rich people must be supernaturally terrorized into sharing.
And the number one thing said about the holiday season of all time is...
1. To the people who put antlers and a nose on their car for Christmas you can't trick me, I know its a car.
If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, let's take a live look at Port Jefferson, shall we?
The snow is starting to melt I think. Man, oh man, I wish I was there. Okay, a friend of the Phile has made an appearance on pretty much every Phile Christmas entry. This year he wants to say something about the saying "Merry Christmas." He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man... you know what time it is...
Once upon a time... there was a world where people didn’t get all triggered and offended, simply because I wished them a Merry Christmas. A world where people understood that it’s not just force of habit because I was raised around people who said Merry Christmas... but more because I am indeed that rude prick who doesn’t give a flying fuck what religion you are or what holiday you celebrate. You’d be thankful if I wished you a pleasant day or a nice evening, right? Just think of it the same way... and be thankful that I’m even speaking to you at ALL... you whiney little twats. Merry Christmas.
Gift ReceiptA gift receipt is how you're going to turn all those shitty gifts into sweet, sweet booze.
The 143rd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Matthew McConaughey will be on the Phile in a few weeks. Alright, alright, alright. Okay, here's a story from this crazy ass state I live in...
Oh man, this is one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life. Picture this, imagine waking up at 4 a.m. to a noise in your living room, only to notice that your Christmas tree is moving. You look around and see that your dog is right next to you, so there’s obviously something else inside it. You think, "it’s a cat, let me get a broom" and poke around it so it can leave. But then, upon further inspection, you realize that it’s something else. A dog, a squirrel, Santa, a bird? Nope, a raccoon. This is exactly what happened to Aubrey Iacobelli when she was awoken at 4 a.m. by her dogs barking. She thought a cat had somehow entered her home and climbed inside the Christmas tree.
What I love about this whole situation is that she decided to record it, because well why not. She posted the video on social media showing the chaos that went down in her Tallahassee home. The caption reads, “An early surprise waiting for me in the Christmas tree this morning.” And boy was it a messy, messy surprise. The video starts with the Florida woman asking Alexa to turn on the lights realizing the animal is inside of her fully decorated tree. She then states, “there’s a cat inside my tree,” as she unsuccessfully pokes at the branches with a frying pan. A few minutes later she realizes that the cat is in fact not a cat, rather it’s a raccoon hiding in the tree and it’s basically not going anywhere since it’s not moving. She then calmly said, “this is bad,” which is also hilarious because I would be yelling my lungs out if I was her. I have to give her props because she handled this like a champ. Give her a Most Valuable Player award now. So as she keeps on trying to remove the raccoon, the video shows her dog lunging at the unwanted visitor causing the tree to fall down as Iacobelli shrieks and the dog and the raccoon go at it on the floor. The dog is visibly fighting the raccoon and you can hear the cries from both parts.
But the raccoon stands its ground, climbing a table and then scrambling up to a chandelier, swinging, while he keeps an eye on the dog that is waiting for him. The woman then grabs a broom to get it down from the light fixture and begins chasing the raccoon around her living room. At this point it’s around 5 a.m. to which she notes, “and that was my Thursday morning,” adding that her pup was indeed okay and unharmed. Eventually, the raccoon escaped through the doggy door that he used in the first place to enter the home. I mean, what a wild ride, huh? I feel for this woman. At least nobody got hurt and at least it wasn’t an alligator. Because at this point, I believe it can happen. Stay safe out there, Florida!
Phact 1. During the Christmas of 1914 (World War 1), a truce was held between Germany and the U.K. They decorated their shelters, exchanged gifts across no man’s land and played a game of football between themselves.
Phact 2. About half of Sweden’s population watches Donald Duck cartoons every Christmas Eve since 1960
Phact 3. In 1867, a Boston industrialist heard Charles Dickens read A Christmas Carol and was so moved he closed his factory on Christmas Day and gave every one of his employees a turkey
Phact 4. Some zoos take donated Christmas trees and use them to feed their animals.
Phact 5. Charles Dickens grew up during a Little Ice Age and hence it snowed for each of his first 8 Christmases influencing his writing and hence today’s tradition of a white Christmas.
Today's pheatured guest is a British musician, singer-songwriter and producer from Cambuslang, Scotland. He enjoyed particular success in the 1970s and '80s in bands including Slik, Thin Lizzy, Rich Kids and Visage, and as the frontman of Ultravox. In 1984, he co-wrote and produced the charity single "Do They Know It's Christmas?" which has sold 3.7 million copies in the U.K. The song is the second highest-selling single in U.K. chart history. co-organized Band Aid, Live Aid and Live 8 with Bob Geldof. He acts as a trustee for the charity and also serves as an ambassador for Save the Children. Please welcome to the Phile... Midge Ure.
Me: Midge, sir, welcome to the Phile for the last A Peverett Phile Christmas. How are you?
Midge: Thank you, it's my pleasure.
Me: So, can you believe Ultravox's album "Vienna" is 40 years old this year? I have to show a pic of that album here...
Midge: Yeah, it's an interesting time I suppose. Who would have thought that forty years later something like "Vienna" would be of relevant to people and still stand up I suppose sonically and technologically after all this time, but here we are.
Me: I remember my dad liking that album quite a bit. You weren't an original Ultravox member, am I right?
Midge: No, I just joined the band late '78, early '79.
Me: What was it like recording that album then?
Midge: We've been writing and doing some dates with the stuff, so we kind of routined most of the stuff. The instruments were kind of done, we figured out the technology to play that stuff live so all we had to do was to transfer that stuff to making a recording which took about three weeks.
Me: How did you guys write the songs on that album?
Midge: Most of it was in a jamming situation in a rehearsal room in North London with very basic equipment that we had. The majority of the music, the chord structures and stuff would have been Billy Currie, because he's brilliant at that stuff. Someone would start something and it would just grow. So we had a wealth of stuff, I think Robin recorded everything else on cassette, I didn't bother. We could hear little elements of songs that are recognizing now popping through.
Me: When you wrote and recorded the song "Vienna" were you surprised it was a hit?
Midge: Yes. We weren't trying to write a successful song, we were trying to write a piece of music. Pop sensibilities has kind of gone out the window. It sounds like a stupid thing to say after the success that "Vienna" was but at the time it was so remote and so obscure and such a bizarre thing to even contemplate putting out as single. Who the hell would play it on the radio? But they did.
Me: Why do you think the song was so popular then, Midge?
Midge: I think the timing was right, people needed to hear something that was straight after Christmas and when everyone was fed up hearing Wizzard and Slade and later Band Aid and all that. So they were desperate for something new and when it got its chance to be played on the radio it resonated with people. But it certainly wasn't designed to be a commercial success. It was designed to be a piece of music. Hence arguing with the label who said they couldn't put it out because it was four minutes long. We just refused.
Me: Do you think the song would be a hit nowadays if it came out today?
Midge: No. It's almost unthinkable that a song like that could be a huge hit today. An average young listener wouldn't allow it. And the spelling of an average young listener. I doubt they'll be able to spell "Vienna." That's a dreadful thing to say but... times have change. We are talking about an era where it was only a couple years prior to "Vienna" we had "Wuthering Heights" or we had "Bohemian Rhapsody" or a few years before that we had "Hey Jude." So it was radio that really designed this three minute single thing. And weirdly labels are still doing that. Radio edit, meaning just give me the chorus, I don't want anything else, I don't want to think about it. I want to hear something and walk away with it in my head instantly.
Me: Foghat's "Slow Ride" was the same way... an 8 plus minute song, but had a radio edit release. So, what was it like when you made your first solo record after being in Ulltravox and Visage, and Rich Kids before that?
Midge: Ultravox had been going like hamsters in a wheel since '79 so by the time '84 rolled around it was time to take a breather because all we've ever done was write, record and tour. We toured a lot, and the moment the tour was finished we went back to write, record and tour. The writing process took longer, the recording process took longer, so we just found ourselves like hamsters in a wheel. So we took this time off and the first thing I did was built my first studio was figure out how it works and the best way to figure out how it works is to start writing and recording things. I recorded a bunch of things that didn't really suit Ultravox and that became "The Gift" album. I didn't intend to go out and do solo stuff, I was technologically led I should say. Because I found myself after building a studio sitting in it not knowing how it worked. I've been interested in it for years and I've been doing productions for years but it's a whole other thing to walk in find a bunch of manuals and start to page one, plug it in switch it on, make sure the red lights on. That's it, all the way through the process. That's how I ended up doing the solo stuff.
Me: Was it a big change for you?
Midge: A change good and bad. The good bits are a get my own way all the time, the bad bits are I get my own way all the time.
Me: Why would that be bad?
Midge: Because there's no one to bounce off. A band that's working really well, if it's an equal partnership, if it gets to a certain level I stay back and somebody else comes in and makes where I stopped something better and it inspires me to do more. That could happen a good chunk of the time. But like any band there is stuff out there that end up on albums I don't think any of us were particularly were happy with. It was record company pressure or whatever. At the time I kind of convinced myself it was okay, it was good enough but in reality it was not very interesting at all. So when it works well it works brilliantly, when it didn't work well it was pretty dire. I think the idea of going off and exploring my own little territories and the ability to work with other people I found that really refreshing. But not instead of Ultravox, just an a side to Ultravox.
Me: I have to mention my favorite song of yours is "If I Was," I still have the 45 of that record. I didn't Mark King from Level 42 played bass on that song.
Midge: Neither did he I think. It's the simplest bass part he ever played in his life. I must've gaffer taped all his fingers together. I think he might've done that when he was on tour. I flew out to America with the master tapes and he gave me his one day off and true mid style he said, "Can you play me the vocal line?" I said, "There isn't one yet." He wanted to play around the vocals. I said, "You play what you want and I'll sing around you." So he came up with the part. "If I Was" was incredibly simplistic but it suited the part.
Me: Like I said I love that song. It was a big hit for you, right?
Midge: It was. Again none of us expected it to be the big commercial success it was. In a way it was odd because again I was still part of Ultravox. That was what I was looking forward going back to. This was a busman's holiday, this was something I didn't intend to have a big hit single with it but it happened. That was when Band Aid happened, and that took me away from the band even longer. Then Live Aid happened and my solo record had been put on hold, I was still yet to finish it, so by time I was finished with the Live Aid thing and the performance of Live Aid I put the album out and it was a success then I was off to the world. Then instead of a six month leave from Ultravox it turned into a 2 year break. Two years is too long to maintain relationships for any of us. It's a difficult thing to walk back into the door and try to pick up from where we left off because we all changed. We all moved off to different areas, we are all thinking differently. It was avery difficult thing to come back and try to do. When we did that last album, the "U-Vox" album it was a real mishmash, you can hear it. I've got collaborations going on with the Chieftians. I got collaborations going with George Martin and an orchestra. It's kind of all over the shop, it's got brass sections all over it. I don't know what we were. Maybe if we ridden it out a bit longer we'd be more focused as a unit and done something more interesting. It was a weird scenario.
Me: So, what's this you were in Thin Lizzy? Is that true?
Midge: Yeah. When Thin Lizzy was looking for a replacement guitarist after Gary Moore was ousted from the band I stepped in for a while. When they were trying other guitar players because I was already a part of Ultravox, I was never going to be a part of Thin Lizzy.
Me: That's cool. Okay, as this is a Christmas entry... I have to ask about "Do They Know It's Christmas?" How did you get involved writing it with Bob Geldof, who will be on the Phile soon. It's one of the rare songs I know by heart. Haha. I have to show a picture of you from the video of the song...
Midge: Yeah, it started with Dr. Frankenstein. It was a collaboration between two worlds that collided. Bob had been a friend for a few years and he asked me by accident really to get involved. I happened to be sitting with Paula Yates at the time doing "The Tube" in Newcastle. Bob phoned Paula and he said, "I've just seen this thing." She gave the phone to me and he said, "I want to do something. Can we get together?" And we did. He came over with this half-baked song that every time he played it for me it was different like a demented Bob Dylan. It wasn't much of a song. So I took the thing away and put some melody to it. The studio was new, I had finished there manuals, I had a good idea of how this thing worked. So I went into the studio and started to put the backing track together and tried to structure it in some kind of form. It still wasn't much of a song because it had no chorus, so it was the most bizarre construct. It just built and built and built and I layered it, layered it, layered it, and put all the instruments on it. I played everything on the track except eventually Phil Collins' drums. It was weird because he was popping in and out of the studio a lot, just to hear how it was progressing. More to the fact I was toddling his thing into this alien creature, it was all synthesizers. He said, "It sounds like bloody Ultravox." Of course, that's what he was going to get. We both kind of sat there and thought it needs some kind of hook, there's nothing for anybody to sing. We created the "feed the world" part of that but it didn't exist, the whole chorus "feed the world at Christmas time. Do they know its Christmas time again?" So we sat there and created that and glued it on at the very end. Thank God we did, because that was the bit that people could remember.
Me: Were you thinking of who was going to sing the parts when you wrote it?
Midge: Absolutely. Not. No. We had no idea who was going to sing which part. There's a moment in the studios on that Sunday on the one day we had with the artists to do all the vocals and Phil's drums, and mix the track, where I'm sitting there with a piece of paper and a pen and drawing lines through the middle and trying to count how many people are there. And trying to decide how to divide the song up, who could sing each line. We didn't have time for everyone to learn the entire song, that would have taken weeks. So there was no going back doing a remix where Boy George opens the song up and Paul Young sings a line in the middle because they don't exist. I got them all what they were all capable of, if it was the right key, or whatever. It was kind of building blocks, it was like a jigsaw, we were putting the pieces in as we went.
Me: Was it hard juggling all the egos in that room?
Midge: No, it was incredibly easy. Whether people liked each others music it didn't really matter, they knew why they were there. Even if they didn't like them, they got respect. They might think I'm bit of a twat and they hate my music or whatever but they respected the fact that I do it and was successful. There wasn't a problem with any of it whatsoever.
Me: When they got there did they know the song?
Midge: No, they walked in cold, Nobody had heard this thing prior to this. It's not like today where I could send an mp3, they all walked in cold. Besides a couple of people who've been to my studio prior to this. Sting had been in, Simon Le Bon had been in, done a couple of vocal bits which we ended up replacing because he ended up viking on the day to just do it again, feeling the atmosphere. So, yeah, it was a bit of a miracle to get their vocals done on a track that nobody heard. Phil Collins was a piece of cake, he did two takes and only did the second take because he thought he over played on the first take.
Me: Midge, thanks for being on the Phile for the last Christmas entry of the Phile. Have a good year.
Midge: Thank you, Jason, good luck to you.
That about does it for this Christmas entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and Midge Ure. The Phile will be back a week from today, on Tuesday with the last entry of 2020, pheaturing Alanis
Morissette. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Have a great Christmas.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
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