Acid Reflux Is Coming Tonight

PHIRST OF

Spicy food, are you swallowing, down my throat, curry is going, a very bad pain, it's hurtin' my brain, acid reflux is coming tonight. Gurd is what they call it, feeling ill is what I call it, I can't lie down, sitting up with a frown, acid reflux is coming tonight. Taking all the medicine I can take, wish I can have that cheese cake. The doctor says it's heart burn, I say I won't learn, but I will take a pill, hope it does the job, when I am ill. Later on, I'll throw up, as I bent over the toilet, to puke up the beer, thinking oh dear, acid reflux is coming tonight. Hi, phans, welcome to the Peverett Phile for another Phriday. How are you? This is the most updated blog on the internet. The Iraqi shoe guy has asked for a pardon from the Iraqi government. He doesn’t want to fight a court case, so he’s throwing in the towel. In a speech last week, President Bush said, “I didn’t compromise my soul to be a popular guy.” Dick Cheney said, “What’s a soul?” Barack Obama says he’s going to get to the inauguration by train. This comes as a surprise to a lot of people who thought that Obama was going to get to the inauguration by walking on water. Jim Carrey stars in a new movie where he can only say yes. That’s better than Liar Liar where he played a lawyer who told the truth. That’s about as believable as Mel Gibson playing a rabbi. Happy Hanukkah, Mel. Jim Carrey always plays in movies where he can do only one thing. In the new one, Yes Man, he can only say yes. Then he was a lying lawyer who ended up telling the truth. Then there were his movies where he was talking with his butt. So, did you all have a good Christmas? I got about 15 DVD's. Yeah! Logan got a Marshmallow shooter. With all the starving kids in Africa and the world, someone invented a toy that shoots food. I was afraid to get hit, I might get a migraine. I am allergic to marshmallow's. Logan also got a Wii. I still have no idea what that word means... Wii. Maybe the original name was Poo. Jen got a Wii Fit. That's what I call when I have to get up in the middle of the night to piss. Santa was foolish, he left his driver's license, and glasses in our house. Next year Logan wouldn't go for any of that. He is nine and I am surprised he believed any of the stories we told him. We watched Norad to see where Santa was, which is different then Gonad, which is what Jen watches to see where I am at. Today in Canada, Australia, New Zealand and England it's Boxing Day, which means any minute Jen and I are going to fight. Also today it's Kwanzaa, so we not what Obama is celebrating today. By the way, I just realized that this entry is the last entry for '08. Man, this year went by so fast.

THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST

From the home office in Groveland, Florida, where it's 85 degrees right now, here is this week's top ten list.

Top Ten Words That Almost Rhyme with "Blagojevich" 

10. Scumbag-ovich
9. Bologna Sandwich
8. Bad Boy-evich
7. Stupid Human Trick
6. You Can't Touch This
5. John Malkovich
4. Jock Itch
3. Seat Make Me Rich
2. Dumb Sum Bitch
And the number one thing that almost rhymes with "Blagojevich"...
1. Maury Povich

DECEMBER 26TH IN HISTORY

 1893

Dictator Mao Tse-tung born in Hunan province.
1980
Richard Chase, the "Vampire of Sacramento" who drank the blood of two of his six victims, commits suicide on death row by overdosing on hoarded medication.
1985
"Gorillas in the Mist" author Dian Fossey killed with machete in Africa.
1996
The body of Jon Benet Ramsey is found beaten and strangled in the Boulder, Colorado home of John and Patsy Ramsey. Her skull had an 8 inch crack, and the child's mouth was covered with duct tape. In late 1997 it was leaked to the media that a Taser gun may have been involved in the killing. The family remains under an "umbrella of suspicion": Jon Benet's body was found only after police searched the house, and John Ramsey tainted the crime scene by moving the body. The garrote used in strangulation was made from one of Patsy's paintbrushes. A rough draft of the ransom note was found on Patsy's notepad. Handwriting comparisons between the note and the mother remain inconclusive. In any event, the Ramsey's treatment of the six year old child by entering her in beauty contests dressed like a young adult nymph is perverse.
2004
A 9.15 magnitude earthquake in the Indian Ocean off the coast of Sumatra unleashes a series of powerful tsunamis. Just under 230,000 people are either killed or missing. The Sumatra-Andaman earthquake affects a huge geographical area from Indonesia to Bangladesh to Somalia, even triggering earthquakes in Alaska.

FLORIDA: AMERICA'S WANG

A 27-year-old Deltona woman told authorities she bit her husband's penis because she didn't want to have sex with him. Charris Bowers was arrested Saturday by a Volusia County sheriff's deputy, accused of misdemeanor battery. A judge set her free Sunday without requiring her to post bail. Her husband, Delou Bowers, today would not comment. According to a sheriff's office report, the Bowerses had been to a bar Friday night. Delou Bowers told authorities that when they got home, his wife began to perform oral sex on him but then began to bite his penis. He tried to stop her, he told a deputy, but she kept at it. He then began to punch her in the head and pushed her to the floor, and she let go, according to the arrest report. Charris Bowers gave the officer two versions of what happened. She first said she was sitting on the couch when her husband walked over and put his penis in her mouth, according to the report. "She then bit it to get him away from her," the report said. She later said her husband walked over with his penis exposed, and she bit it. Either way, the deputy saw the injury, photographed it then arrested Mrs. Bowers. (Thanks to the Orlando Sentinel for that article).

SOMEONE PHAMOUS HAS DIED

Eartha Kitt: She sang "Santa Baby," and died on Christmas. Man, do I love irony.

YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT PHOTOSHOPPED

This melting building is actually just a regular building covered in a huge tarp with the Dali-esque design painted on it. It's covering an apartment building undergoing renovation in Paris.
Hats off to the French. In a single stroke they hide unsightly construction and fool all passersby into thinking someone spiked their espresso. Now if they could only figure out why people keep plowing their cars into buildings undergoing renovation in Paris.

CANNED LAUGHTER

A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm. The plane gets pounded by rain, hail, wind and lightening. The passengers panic, certain that the plane is going to crash and they are all going to die. At the height of the storm, a young woman jumps up and exclaims, “I can’t take this anymore! I can’t just sit here and die like an animal, strapped to a chair. If I am going to die, let me die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here man enough to make me feel like a woman?”

A hand goes up in the back of the plane, and a handsome, tall, muscular man smiles while walking up to her seat. As he approaches her, he takes off his shirt. She sees his huge muscles even in the poor lighting of the plane. He stands in front of her, shirt in hand and says to her, “I can make you feel like a woman before you die. Are you interested?”
She eagerly nods her head “Yes!”
The man hands her his shirt, and says, “Here. Iron this.”

DISNEY'S AMERICA

Disney wants your sons and grandsons for its new cable channel. Don't worry, Disney isn't recruiting them for some kind of army that will, dare I say it, rule the world. No, the mega-media conglomerate wants them, especially the 'them' that are between the ages of 6-14, to tune into their new cable network. Well, not 'new' in the sense that there's currently a blank space where the network will be. More like 'new' in the sense that they are re-branding one of their current properties. Beginning in February, Toon Disney will morph into the newly named Disney XD. There won't be any "High School Musical" or "Hannah Montana" on this Disney network. Instead, this multi-platform brand will feature both live-action and animated fare that appeals to the mud-eating, snot-blowing, rough-and-tumble crowd of boys, tweens and teens. In addition to current Toon Disney fare like Jetix, there will be a number of new shows on XD as well. The new offerings include "Aaron Stone", about a video gaming teen who is secretly being trained as a super agent; "Zeke & Luther", a mockumentary about two skateboarders and their quest to become the best in the world; and "Kid Knievel", an animated show about a young boy trying to become the world's greatest daredevil. Now, for those of you girls who fear that they will be turned off by the XD shows, don't worry. Heck, you aren't even welcome to step on XD's door mat (Think of a big 'NO GIRLZ ALLOWED' sign on the door). That's okay, because you still have Disney Channel, which will become Lifetime for the tween crowd and continue to air programs that appeal to the female in everyone.

WHO WATCHES THE WATCHMEN?

Yikes -- Warner Bros. obviously landed on Santa's naughty list this year. The New York Times reports that the judge has ruled in favor of Fox Studios. Sayeth the Honorable Judge Feess "Fox owns a copyright interest consisting of, at the very least, the right to distribute the Watchmen motion picture." This comes as quite a surprise since last I heard, the judge didn't have enough information to make a ruling, and was moving the trial to January 20th. Judge Feess indicated he would make a more detailed ruling soon. Warner Bros. has declined to comment, and as of now, has not backed off the film's planned release date of March 6. I can hear you all crying (and I hope it's in your very best Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer voice) "There goes Watchmen, and there goes Christmas!" But it's highly doubtful Watchmen will lose its release date. There's no need to panic. Feess advised Fox and Warner Bros to look towards a settlement or appeal. "The parties may wish to turn their efforts from preparing for trial to negotiating a resolution of this dispute or positioning the case for review." So, expect a major payoff from Warner Bros. (and maybe those rumored Batman television show rights) to Fox in order that we'll still be at that March 6th show. And you thought a lump of coal was bad.

CHECK OUT MY PHRIENDS

So, what do you think of my interviews, eh? Don't forget to keep checking their websites.

myspace.com/jillwagner

jennifermckeeofficial.com

myspace.com/amandamarshmusic
proaudioband.com
myspace.com/jeffcameronsingsagain
3Kisses.com

geoffsteinproject.com

PHINALLY

Well, that about does it for 2008 with the Phile... except for the interviews. Here's the line up, pholks. Tomorrow night I will post the interview with Lindsay Rush, a singer from Pennsylvania. Then on Sunday, the interview with the legendary Webb Wilder. More news after that. So, until then, spread the word, not the turd.