2008, Ain't It Great?

Happy new year, pholks, and welcome to the first entry of the Peverett Phile in 2008, the internet's most updated blog. So, last night all the late night talk show's came back
on the air, but one of my new year's resolutions is to write my own monologue's, even though they might not be that funny. So, here I go. Sir Paul McCartney underwent heart surgery last year, it has emerged. I would of had heart surgery as well if my wife left me and took half of what I have. That's about twenty t-shirts, 150 DVD's and over a thousand CD's and comic books. He said to Heather Mills, "Listen, I never want to hear about you having one leg again, bitch. I had open heart surgery." Sears, the department store, was using Spyware to track customer's online. If Borders does that, I am screwed.
An adoption official praised Madonna as a "perfect-mother". Then I must be the most outstanding father in the world, and can adopt any baby I want to. Personally, I think 
Sheryl Crow is better, she adopted American. Former Olympic champion Marion Jones says she has been punished enough and should not have to go to prison for lying about steroids and check fraud. Punished? How in the world was she punished? 
A memo said "she has been cast from American hero to national disgrace." If she wasn't busted for steroid use, I bet no one would even remmeber who she was. Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline have reportedly been spotted partying together in Las Vegas. Man, I never saw that happening. Wikipedia founder Jimbo Wales will challenge Google with new Wikia Search. Jimbo said, "Yeah? I still have a better name." Ozzy Osbourne's memory leaves him lost for words. There's no joke there, really, is there? So, who thinks they wish I was lost for 
words. Richard Branson told employees who want a raise to find work elsewhere. I hope they don't come to Disney. Okay, here's the late night jokes. My jokes suck. So much for my new year's resolution. Today of course, is the Iowa caucus. As you may know, caucus is a Greek word which means, "the only day anyone pays any attention to Iowa." It’s freezing in Iowa. It’s like 20 degrees in Iowa. In fact, it is so cold, Hillary Clinton can actually see Barack Obama’s breath breathing down her neck. I grew up in an environment of strikes. Britain in 1970s, everyone on strike. Coal miners, postal workers, the dentists. I’ll never forget the British dental strike of 1979. It’s still going . . . they never resolved it. 

JANUARY 3RD IN HISTORY

1958
The editor of the scandal magazine Confidential, Howard Rushmore, murders his wife and then suicides in the back of a taxicab in NYC.
1961
Three technicians -- John Byrnes, Richard McKinley, and Richard Legg -- are killed when the SL-1 experimental nuclear reactor explodes in Idaho Falls, Idaho. McKinley's corpse is found stuck to the containment dome ceiling, impaled on a control rod. The crewmen's radioactive bodies are so hot they have to be buried in lead-lined caskets.
1962
Pope John XXIII excommunicated Fidel Castro.
1967
Jack Ruby dead of natural causes.
1969
In New Jersey, 30,000 copies of John and Yoko's album "Two Virgins" are confiscated because the cover is deemed obscene.
1987
Four non-cancerous polyps are removed from President Ronald Reagan's colon.
1990
Manuel Noriega surrenders at the Papal Nunciature. He is brought to Miami and charged with drug trafficking and money laundering.

NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS

Three people were taken to hospital with serious burns after a gas-powered fondue set exploded. The emergency services were called to Shedfield, Southampton, after reports that hot oil had exploded, injuring six people on Thursday evening. A 15-year-old girl and a man and woman in their early 40s suffered "very serious injuries" on their hands, faces and arms. Another three people sustained minor injuries in the incident. Firefighters and three ambulance crews administered first aid at the house.
A small fire around the fondue set, which was powered by a small gas cylinder, was already out by the time they arrived. The three people most seriously injured were treated at Queen Alexandra Hospital in Portsmouth. A spokesperson for South Central Ambulance Service said: "They all had burns of varying degrees and three were very seriously injured. She added: "This is unusual. I have never heard of anything like this happening here before." What a very tasty accident.

FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS

Police in Wellington used a GPS tracking system attached to a baby Jesus to track down the statue and arrest a woman in connection with a Dec. 26 theft. Investigators said the baby Jesus figure was stolen from a Nativity scene in Wellington on Wednesday night. Detectives tracked down the statue to a house in Wellington. A short time later, Danielle Santino, 18, turned herself in to authorities, the Palm Beach Post reported. Santino was charged with grand theft. The statue was returned to the village, the report said. And to think, the little baby Jesus who was born in Nazareth,
developed the GPS system to catch dipshits who 2007 years in the future would yoink his replica in Florida. That just goes to show that Florida has been a fucked up place for over 2000 years.

R.I.P.

Blues Artist 'Weepin' Willie Robinson: Of course he's weeping, what with Eddie and Bill passing away during the past year.

CANNED LAUGHTER

Q: What is the difference between a waitress who works in a strip club and a stripper?
A: Two weeks.

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud realizes, “Man, I wish we had something to drink!” “Me too.” replies Jim, “Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?” So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels great. No hangover. No bad side effects…Nothing! Then the phone rings and it’s Jim. “Hey, how do you feel this morning?” he asks. “I feel great.” says Bub. “How about you?” “I feel great too.” Jim responds, “I don’t even have a hangover, we ought to do this more often.” “Yeah, well there’s just one thing…Have you farted yet?” “No…” “Well, don’t, ’cause I’m in Phoenix!”

NUTTED BY REALITY

"The Apprentice 7", the show’s first-ever celebrity season, debuts tonight on NBC at 9 p.m. ET, after being moved around the schedule. It will feature 14 B-list once-upon-a-time-were-stars competing in New York City for $250,000 that will go to their favorite charity. The show retains its non-celebrity format, and Ivanka and Donald Trump Jr. will show up to observe, as will George. Trump will be joined by a guest judge (“famous business leaders and industry legends,” NBC says) in the boardroom each week to help him make his decisions, although we know all he really wants is validation of his decision-making. NBC also says that there’s another new change to the nature of the game: The contestants will be “using their fame along with their proven business acumen to win challenges,” and “[c]ertain tasks encourage the contestants to reach out to their network of celebrity contacts for assistance or donations.” That was probably inevitable, but will probably lead to the tasks being more about whoring—I mean, marketing—than ever before. While Donald Trump is undeniably a blowhard who makes irrational decisions in the boardroom, ratings have dropped significantly over time, celebrity shows are kind of overdone, and even the series’ own contestants are tired of it, I find myself looking forward to the return of "The Apprentice". As a Mark Burnett-produced series, it has strong production values, and is beautiful to watch, except when Trump’s hair is flapping in the wind. And the challenges tend to be compelling, even if they’re not really tests of a wide range of business skills.

IDIOT'S LANTERN

I think "Jericho" fans opened up a Pandora's Box. Months after that show's fans got CBS to reconsider their cancellation by sending tons of nuts to the network (inspired by a line Skeet Ulrich said in the final episode), "Journeyman" fans have started a campaign to send boxes of Rice-A-Roni to NBC in hopes of getting them to change their mind (the show hasn't been "officially" canceled, but it doesn't look good). If you haven't watched the show before, the reason why fans are doing this is because in one episode, our hero Dan Vasser went back in time to 1987 and got trapped in a giant box of Rice-A-Roni. OK, that's not true at all. Fans picked Rice-A-Roni, "the San Francisco Treat," because the show is set in San Francisco. I like "Journeyman". It certainly deserves to see another season more than other NBC shows, such as "Bionic Woman", "The Apprentice", or "Deal Or No Deal". I wonder though if these quirky "save our show" mail campaigns will become predictable and passe' and the networks won't give them any real attention. Maybe the "Jericho" campaign was just the right time, the right place, and the right network. I would advise anyone who likes "The Biggest Loser" to mail buckets of fat to NBC if they ever cancel that show.

GEEK TALK

From the "Things We Already Figured Out, But It's Nice to See Other People Saying the Same Thing" pile ... Instead of the usual three little tidbits, today I'm bringing you one large mish-mosh of information about the future of Superman, Batman and the Justice League flick. Over on her blog, Variety's Anne Thompson talks a bit about all three of these properties, saying it's "highly unlikely" that Bryan Singer will return to the Superman franchise now that he's decided to scale down and shell out a few passion projects (namely this summer's Valkyrie and The Mayor of Castro Street). Thompson says our next big-screen meeting with the Man of Steel will probably come in the form of a much younger actor in the role as part of that planned Justice League film. Oh, and about that planned Justice League film -- Thompson doesn't think it will be shot until after the WGA strike is resolved, which could potentially push production back to summer versus the original plan to begin shooting early in 2008. Warner Bros. still hasn't officially announced the cast for Justice League, and last we heard director George Miller was forging ahead, claiming everything was still on schedule. For Christmas, I asked Santa for this whole film to just go away. Let's see if he stands up to his end of the bargain. Finally, as far as future solo Batman installments go, Thompson says Warner Bros. is so happy with the way The Dark Knight turned out that they seriously hope director Christopher Nolan will return to helm a third film. I always thought a third film was part of his initial contract, but I gather it wasn't. You have to imagine there will be a bunch of loose ends to tie up following Dark Knight, and so here's hoping Nolan returns to finish the job rather than hand the franchise off to someone less worthy.

Okay, Movie Buzz will be back next week, here is the...

PHILE'S MUSTS FOR 2008

The Dark Knight
So many things to love about the second Christopher Nolan-written/directed Batman flick. Like (1) Christian Bale; (2) the new Batsuit; (3) the new Batpod; (4) that cool tractor-trailer crash in the movie trailer; (5) more angsty Batman brooding; (6) no Katie Holmes; (7) Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart); (8) the viral marketing campaign; (9) the cool action sequences, shot with an IMAX camera, and the new Bat-gadgets, created to help Batman stop the Joker; and (10) best of all, scene-stealing new Joker Heath Ledger, who already looks poised to out-Jack Jack Nicholson with his menacing portrayal of the clown prince of crime. (July 18)
Dark Knight Tie-Ins
Six Flags Great America is celebrating the newest Bat-adventure with a new roller coaster, the indoor Dark Knight Coaster, which simulates the feeling of being stalked by the Joker (ahhhh!!). Other Knight goodies planned for 2008: action figures, puzzles and even a direct-to-DVD animated adventure, Batman: Gotham Knight, that takes place in the time between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight.
Cloverfield
The risk of hype, of course, is that if it fails, à la last year's Snakes on a Plane, it fails spectacularly. On the other hand, the J.J. Abrams-produced Godzilla-ish movie could turn out to be another Blair Witch Project, and we're not just talking about the shaky camera work that's evident in the Cloverfield preview clips that have peppered the Internet for months. But the keep-'em-guessing marketing campaign ceased being fun a couple of months back, and now, it's time for J.J. and company to put up or just scamper off and devote their full attention to that Star Trek movie. (Jan. 18)
Iron Man
With Robert Downey Jr. as the titular billionaire industrialist turned supersuit-wearing hero, Iron Man has the potential to be a superhero flick on the level of Christian Bale's Batman. Director Jon Favreau's attention to the look, especially the Iron Man suit, and his frequently updated production blog won fans over early on, and casting additions like Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury, a cameo by Hilary Swank and Jeff Bridges as Tony Stark/Iron Man mentor turned rival Obadiah Stane/Iron Monger are icing on the cake. (May 2)
Iron Man Tie-Ins
Expect loads and loads of goodies, including toys, tools, costumes and a supercharged PlayStation 3 game. (Summer)
Speed Racer
Directors Andy and Larry Wachowski have managed to create spectacular visuals that make the movie feel like real-life actors actually stepped into the retro cartoon. That, along with the fact that fans have been waiting on the movie to wiggle out of development hell for more than a decade (Johnny Depp was once cast as Speed), makes the movie one of the must-see releases of the year. (May 9)
Speed Racer Tie-Ins
It's every speed demon's wet dream: Planned Wii, PlayStation 2 and Nintendo DS games put you in the hot seat, while Lego sets, Hot Wheels racing sets and remote control cars will entertain the kids. (Spring)
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Did it really take nearly 20 years to come up with an acceptable script, or did 65-year-old star Harrison Ford just finally see his chances of playing action hero once again passing him by? Either way, we're finally getting a follow-up to 1989's Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, with Ford back as the titular professor/adventurer, Steven Spielberg back as director, George Lucas back as producer, new It Guy Shia LaBeouf as Indy's young sidekick (and, rumor has it, his son), Cate Blanchett as his sneaky adversary and the returning Karen Allen as Indy love interest Marion Ravenwood. Buzz has it that despite Ford's more, ahem, mature physical state this time around, there's no slowdown on the action sequences, especially those involving Indiana and LaBeouf's character, who may just be the franchise's future star. (May 22)
Indiana Jones Tie-Ins
The kids who were buying action figures in 1989 are now all grown up with paychecks, a fact that LucasArts — who'll make an Indy videogame and a Lego-themed Indy videogame — is very aware of. Other toys will include new action figures, Lego sets, books, playing cards, candy (what does archeology taste like?) and a Burger King-tie-in promotion.
Sex and the City: The Movie
Fabulous clothes, even more fabulous shoes and a whirlwind tour of SATC Manhattan are nice, but let's cut to the chase: Do Carrie and Mr. Big get tie the knot … or not? All the rest is just background noise, and, be warned, SATC producers, any SATC movie that doesn't answer that question is just a big cheat for fans. (May 30)
Bond 22
Or is it called 007? That's the buzz after a recent interview in which Bond star Daniel Craig seemed to let slip that the Casino Royale sequel's title would be based on Bond's 007 status for the new movie. Not much else is known about the movie — including any confirmed Bond girls — but the action does reportedly pick up where Casino left off, and considering that little gem became the most successful Bond film ever, that's definitely a good place to start. (Nov 7)
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Director Andrew Adamson, who made The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe a box-office hit in 2005, is back to helm another round of C.S. Lewis action, and he's nearly doubled the spectacular special effects, from 800 for Wardrobe to nearly 1,500 for Caspian, which finds the Pevensie kids heading back to Narnia to help Prince Caspian claim his throne from the rotten King Miraz. (May 16)
The Incredible Hulk
We love the idea of a more cerebral Hulk, thanks to Edward Norton's spin on the scientist turned green guy. And let's be honest: Director Louis Letterier's restart of the franchise can only improve on director Ang Lee's utterly forgettable 2003 flop. (June 13)
The X-Files 2
The plot has been kept hush-hush, though it's rumored that the action takes place in present time and revolves around a stand-alone plot, i.e., one that doesn't continue the TV series' ongoing storyline. What we do know for sure: Both Mulder (David Duchovny) and Scully (Gillian Anderson) are back, joined by Amanda Peet, Billy Connolly and rapper Xzibit. As for whether fans will return to see what their alien-chasing heroes are up to six years after the TV series ended, you know the saying: The truth is out there, just not till July. (July 25)

There you go, another of the Phile. The next entry will be the Phile's second birthday. Two years of writing this shit, I cannot believe it. Until then, spread the word, not the turd. Peace.