Days Go By

Let me ask you something. Well, first, hello, and welcome to the Phile. Okay, let me ask you something. Did you see the Olympics tonight? Do you want to know what the coverage was tonight at prime time on NBC? Men's Olympic Curling. Olympic Curling. Hmmm, take that American Idol. We're finding out now from the athletes taking part in the Olympics that the food is lousy. It's terrible they're saying. But seriously, how are you supposed to find good grub in Italy? Think about it. Here's something you hate to see happen: Martha Stewart and Donald Trump are having a feud. Donald Trump says that Martha Stewart's version of The Apprentice is awful. Today she hired some of her ex-con convicts to rough him up. Here's some good news, President George Bush wants to end our dependency on foreign oil. Nice to see him ripping that in the bud. Get right to it, George. You know, I was thinking, having an Arab company running American ports is like having Courtney Love keeping an eye on your medicine cabinet. That's like hiring Britney to car pool your kids, like telling Kirstie Alley to guard the buffet. You get the idea. Well, last Monday, on the 20th of February, I celebrated 18 years at Disney. Yes, 18 years. People at work asked me what I have learned in those years. Well, I learned that Mickey wears pants and no shirt and Donald wears a shirt and no pants. Last weekend we went to see the filming of Extreme Makeover: Home Improvement. The house they were building is in the worst part of Central Florida you can imagine. It was as ghetto as ghetto could be, and they are building a half million dollar house right in the middle of it. You could tell the neighbors are ready to break in and steal the plasma television. I was going to put on a blue t-shirt and a hard hat and help out until I found out everyone was volunteering. I also went hunting with Dick Cheney, and guess what? I was shot. Yep. Here's proof, people. http://igotshotbydickcheney.com/cnn.php?firstname=Jason&lastname=Peverett&age=37&occupation=Epcot+Cast+Member&hometown=Minneola&game=chicken&pronoun1=he&pronoun2=him&imageurl=&Submit=Submit

 

R.I.P.

It has been a sad week for the Peverett family. My grandmother, my late father's mother, passed away in her sleep on Monday. She was 85 years old. And our family dog Joey, who has been living with my sister and her husband in Amsterdam has also passed away. He was 15.

CANNED LAUGHTER

A young man goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist: "Hello, could you give me condom. My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me!"  Then he tells the pharmacist: "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think she expects something from me too." The pharmacist gives him the two condoms; and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says: "After all, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes allusions... and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is
expecting something from me!! During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mom facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying: "Dear Lord, bless this dinner.. thank you for all you give us...!!!" A minute later the boy is still praying:  "Thank you Lord for your kindness..." Ten minutes go on and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend even more than the others. She
gets close to the boy and tells him in his ear: "I didn't know you were so religious!!!" The boy replies:  "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!!!"

DIRTY PICTURES CLEANED UP

I apologize if anybody was offended by the pornpicture that mysteriously showed up on the Phile. My wife Jen asked me if I went to the other side. So, as you can imagine, I wasn't happy. Anyway, the dirty pictures cleaned up remains to be a popular feature. After all, it's not really porn, or is it?

FAKE OR FOTO

The last picture of the close up of the car hood was foto. Now, what about these monkeys? Are they fake...or foto?

 

Here's a new feature I like to call...

I HAVE A MIGRAINE

IF CARTOONS WERE REAL PEOPLE

Okay, that's the last Dick Cheney joke I'm gonna put on the Phile. Until he pins Brit Hume up against the wall by his throat that is.

THERE IS A GOD

The latest cover of Vanity Fair. And Jennifer Garner is going to be topless in her new movie 'Sabbatical'.

SHARPENING AXES

This weeks topic: five unpopular jobs you should have. Is there a severe labor shortage looming for the United States? It depends whom you ask. The Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) projects a labor force of 162.3 million people by 2012. At the same time, the BLS predicts that the 2012 economy will require 165.3 million jobs to be filled. For years, doomsayers have interpreted these statistics to mean the economy will experience a shortage of 3 million workers. But this simply isn't true, insisted Michael W. Horrigan in the February 2004 issue of the BLS' Monthly Labor Review. Horrigan wrote that multiple job holding and statistical differences between the BLS and Current Employment Statistics surveys, not an impending labor shortage, account for the differences between the numbers. Although the BLS says there will not be a generalized shortage, certain jobs will experience a shortage of qualified workers. Here are five that are expected to be hit particularly hard: 1. Registered Nurse The nursing shortage has been fairly well-publicized. According to a report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human services, there was a shortage of 110,000 RNs in 2000, or about 6 percent of the national demand. The shortage is expected to grow to 29 percent by 2020. What's causing this dramatic shortage? For one thing, the report states there will be an 18 percent increase in population by 2012. Plus, the aging of the baby boomers will result in a larger proportion of elderly people. To make matters worse, after 2011 the number of nurses leaving the profession is expected to exceed the number entering it. Nursing salaries are increasing to help boost interest. The starting salary for registered nurses was nearly $39,000 in an April 2005 survey by the National Association of Colleges and Employers. According to the BLS, median annual salaries were $53,640 in November 2004. 2. Machinist In Deloitte's 2005 Skills Gap Report, 90 percent of respondents indicated a moderate to severe shortage of qualified skills production employees like machinists, who use machine tools, such as lathes, machining centers and milling machines to produce precision metal parts. Machinists are becoming ever-more productive, but job opportunities for machinists are expected to be excellent, according to the BLS. These days, many young people are choosing to attend college or are shying away from production occupations. Thus, there are not enough new machinists to fill newly created jobs or replace experienced machinists who leave the occupation or retire. According to the Princeton Review, the average starting salary for a machinist is $22,500. The median salary for machinists is just over $34,000, according to the BLS. 3. Librarian Studies have shown that librarians are expected to exit the profession en masse in coming years. The American Library Association Web site quotes statistics from the U.S. Census Bureau indicating that more than one-quarter of all librarians will reach the age of 65 by 2009. A study published in the Library Journal found that 40 percent of library directors would retire by that same year. In addition to the librarians expected to retire within the next decade, interest in the profession is waning among younger workers, according to the BLS. The situation is particularly dire for colleges and universities, which report the greatest difficulty in hiring librarians due to lower pay. Graduates of library programs in 2004 reported an average starting salary of more than $39,000, an increase of nearly 3 percent over the previous year. The median salary for librarians is nearly $47,000, according to the BLS. 4. Truck Driver Getting those eBay packages delivered might take longer by 2014. A report prepared for the American Trucking Associations by Global Insight, Inc. warns there is already a shortage of about 20,000 long-haul heavy-duty truck drivers. By 2014, the deficit is expected to reach 111,000. The report blames slipping wages for the shortage. Trucking wages fell sharply with the onset of the recession in 2000 and have yet to recover. According to the BLS, the median salary for heavy or tractor-trailer truck drivers is $33,870. 5. Pharmacist What, no refills? Pharmacists should have no trouble finding a job in coming years. A recent report from the Pharmacy Manpower Project predicted there will be a shortage of 157,000 pharmacists by 2020. Already, the American Hospital Association reports a 7.4 percent vacancy rate for pharmacists. The shortage can be partially attributed to the aging population and the fact that more drugs are being manufactured and advertised to the public. In fact, the number of prescriptions has increased from 2 billion to 3.2 billion in the last 10 years. That problem is expected to worsen with the new Medicare prescription drug program that began Jan. 1, pharmacy officials told CNN in November. To help cope, universities are opening new pharmacy programs and expanding existing ones. The high pay currently offered by pharmacist employers can't hurt, either. The BLS reports the median salary for pharmacists is over $87,000.

ANYTHING FOR A LAUGH

Here's a trailer for Spongebob Squarepants new movie:

Spongeback Mountain

And now, for the infamous...

MOVIE BUZZ

Untitled Dusty Springfield biopic: Ang Lee's next movie might have Kate Moss playing one of Charlize Theron's lovers. Read that last sentence again: One of Charlize Theron's lovers. That means plural!

The Scanner Darkly: What is undoubtedly gonna be the coolest movie of the year, Keanu's brain fights with itself — and that's the least weird thing going on.

Casino Royale: The bad guy is some dude you've never heard of with a silly name and the Bond babe is an actress whose resume stops after a soft-core art flick and a swords-and-sandals flop everyone hated. When is the next Bourne movie coming out?

Indiana Jones 4: Spielberg says he "is about" to make the long-awaited fourth installment and promises it will be the "sweet dessert I give those who had to chow down on the bitter herbs that I've used in Munich." That's fine, but what about all the saccharin it took to make the end of War of the Worlds?

Jurassic Park IV: Rumors have Spielberg slotting the third dino sequel before Indy 4 so it can hit screens in 2008. Wrong. Unless Harrison Ford drops dead tomorrow, Indy's going first. Though if Keira Knightley signs on to play the dino creator's granddaughter, I'll whack Harrison myself to get JP4 going. Now back to staring at the Vanity Fair cover …

X-Men 3: The Last Stand: In this MTV interview, Brett Ratner tries desperately to explain away the awful pics that led to a fanboy revolt. Apparently they were "done in the testing process" and the finished product will look totally different. Read: less sucky. Oddly enough, I believe him. I also believe that Rush Hour 2 doesn't exist.

Project 880: Sure, James Cameron knows a thing or two about blockbusters, but tying a bajillion-dollar movie to the hope that people will tolerate wearing 3-D glasses is just dumb. I ain't putting on those red and blue things.

Fantastic Four 2: Joining the foursome: the Silver Surfer, who might be played by … Keanu Reeves? That's cool and all, but if they're looking for someone from Point Break, it was Swayze who played the surfer.

Batman Begins 2: Now that the Bond stuff is out of the way, we can go back to obsessing about a much worthier franchise. The latest word has Hugo Weaving playing the Joker and Hugh Jackman as Harvey Dent. I'm not sold on Jackman in anything that doesn't involve mutants, but Weaving is the only actor named so far who could hold a candle to Nicholson.

Fanboys: That girl from Veronica Mars is starring and calls this comedy "Swingers for nerds." It's about a crew of Star Wars geeks who take a road trip to Skywalker Ranch but get into a brawl with some Trekkies along the way. Guessing they'll fight with 20-sided dice, plastic Lightsabers and toy phasers instead of fists.

Well, that's about it. In the next entry I will try to give you my Oscar predictions. I hope you all have a good week. I will leave you with a random picture as always. 'Nuff said.

The Rose Of England

Taking nothing but his daddy's old bone-grip knife. He traded but a little for the wayward life. Faint heart never won fair hand, So says the Rose of England. From high on a hill came the clarion call, to win young men, come one, come all. Make muster 'gainst the foreign hand that's raised to the Rose of England. For her feckless boys she did weep and wail. Crying, Lord have mercy where did I fail? Out of my belly and the pick up a gun and fall for the Rose of England. God knows it's cold outside, it's a fire by day and a freeze at night. I know it's a hell out there. How loud the mouth when the heart don't care. He's damned if he don't, he's damned if he do. He'd die if he ever found out we knew. Hot potato, drop it and run, far from the Rose of England.

Hello, welcome to the Phile once again for this the 16th of February. Tomorrow is my grandmother Rose's 95th birthday. Ninety-five years old the woman will be. My mother used to say that Nanny Rose will out live everybody and so far she's right. She outlived both her husband, both her daughters and son-in-law. Anyway, the last time is her was in '02, and she was as spunky as ever. She taught me once to live life to its fullest, and I am trying to do so. God bless her. Well, did you hear that The Walt Disney Company is trading ABC Sportcaster Al Michaels to NBC Universal in exchange for Oswald the Lucky Rabbit? Oswald was the first character created by Walt Disney in 1927 but Universal Pictures held the rights to the character. Saddened by the loss of the rights to the Oswald character, Disney created a new character: Mickey Mouse. In related news Disney is trading me for Huckleberry Hound. I didn't know they once owned Huckleberry Hound, and apparently they would rather have that dog then me. Well, good news today. so far Dick Cheney has not shot anybody. This is what everybody is talking about. Last weekend Dick Cheney and some of his buddies went out hunting, drinking and goofing around and the next thing you know he guns down a buddy of his. And I'm thinking if this story gets any bigger, sooner or later they'll have to tell the President. After this story, it turns out Dick Cheney didn't have a licence to hunt. And coincidentally, we didn't have a licence to go into Iraq. the real question now is this a one time thing or will the Vice President try to kill again? Well, I hope you folks had a lovely Valentine's Day. Dick Cheney shot his buddy in the ass with an arrow. This past week, here in Orlando Walt Disney World held the National Cheerleading competition? In New York City at the same time was the Westminister Dog Show. Both had bitches doing their thing. Well, let's get on with the blog, shall we?

LAST WEEKEND  

Last Saturday myself, Jen and Logan (my wife and son) and Jen's niece Spring went to see the Orlando Predators arean football team take on Jon Bon Jovi's Philadelphia Soul. It was a fun time, and Orlando beat Philly. Anyway, during half time there was a Hard Core Wrestling Match between the Monsters In The Morning's Drunky The Bear and Tuddle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BUSHISMS  

As Monday is President's Day, I thought it'll be fun to put some of George Bush's famous idiotic quotes on the blog. So, here we go, the wit and sometimes elusive wit of George W. Bush. "Those who enter the country illegally violate the law." "I believe we are called to do the hard work to make our communities and quality of life a better place." "As a matter of fact, I know relations between our governments is good." "We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job. That's what I'm telling you." "I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well." "The best place for the facts to be done is by somebody who's spending time investigating it." "You took an oath to defend our flag and our freedom, and you kept that oath underseas and under fire." "I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend." "We discussed the way forward in Iraq, discussed the importance of a democracy in the greater Middle East in order to leave behind a peaceful tomorrow." "It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." "Part of the facts is understanding we have a problem, and part of the facts is what you're going to do about it." "This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table." "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" "I will have a foreign-handed foreign policy." "This administration is doing everything we can to end the stalemate in an efficient way. We're making the right decisions to bring the solution to an end."  

 

MAY THE FARCE BE WITH YOU  

Star Wars: The Empire Brokeback A special Valentine's Day treat: presenting, "Star Wars: The Empire Brokeback". The greatest love story never told. A parody of the "Brokeback Mountain" trailer, starring C-3PO and R2-D2. Enjoy.  

SHARPENING AXES  

In the last entry of the Phile, I told you the secret of the Best Buy numbers. This entry, I will give you the secret of a good recipe. Beer BatteredDeep Fried Pepperoni Pizza. Yes. Yes. Now I don't make a practice of patting myself on the back too often, but come on. This is pretty darn cool. We got pizza on Friday, because well it's Friday. By Sunday there were just a couple slices left and my mind was starting to wander. What to do to keep old pizza fun to eat? Deep Fry it. But not just any frying will do. Batter it, and fry it. But not just any batter....Beer batter. I did a little research onthis. Very little, actually, but it turns out that some scottish restaurants or pubs will fry a slice of pizza for you, but it's not common and I saw no mention of beer-batter. Mix some flour and some beer. Add a lot of salt. Heat up some oil. Look it's not rocket science. Drop a bit of batter into the oil to check if it's hot enough. If it bubbles and floats, then you're ready. Carefully dip your pizza slice into the oil. I didn't want to use a ton of oil, so I put in enough to cover it more than halfway and flipped it over halfway through. Fry it until it's a nice golden brown. To make sure the inside is hot, you should microwave the pizza first. Don't start with it fridge cold. When it's ready, remove your pizza from the oil and let it sit on paper towels for a few seconds. This sucker is going to soak up oil like a hooker on coke. Oh my yes. This is beautiful. The smell is wonderful - greasy crusty salty pepperoni-y... Fantastic. Eat the first few bites with a fork and knife so you can still get in to it while it's piping scalding-oil hot. Then pick it up like a man and dig in! This would be a good time to be drinking another beer, too. Try it, it's good.  

 VALENTINE'S DAY  

How much comedy and material can I get out of Valentine's Day? Anyway, when shopping for a perfect card for my wife for Valentine's Day, I couldn't believe the cards they were selling. So, I thought I would share some surprising ones with you.

Valentine, nothing says "Be Mine" like our suicide pact.

I want to whisper sweet nothings to you like "Let me stick it in your pooper."

You make me feel dead inside. Don't make me choose...between you and porn.

My love, the years we spent together serve as a daily reminder as to why I became gay.

Our love is like a rose...it will dry up and wilt in a week.

Valentine's Day? Hah! A holiday for pussies!

My love for you burns deep within me...no wait, that's just acid reflux.

My penis SHOULD be put on a pedestal.  

WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?  

Apparently I am a horse, even though most people would say I was a jackass. Click on the link to the website to find out what kind of animal are you? http://www.2on.com/  

FAKE OR FOTO?  

Okay, here we go again. The last picture from last week was...fake. Yes, those mixer things whatever they were were fake. What about this foto? is it fake...or foto?       

 IF CARTOONS WERE REAL PEOPLE  

    

DIRTY PICTURES CLEANED UP  

    

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY  

Bruce became the second person to visit Exile Island on Survivor Panama, after he was not selected to join a new tribe. Once there, he was given two clues to find the immunity idol: the clue Jeff Probst gave Misty last week, and a new clue that included a map indicating where the idol was not hidden. But the most significant clue seemed to be in the way the first clue was written. While the text was exactly the same as what Jeff said to Misty, there was emphasis added: …You also have a lot of time to think about “why” fate chose you to be the first one out here. Which is also “why” immunity is already so important. Last week, sharp-eyed viewers noticed a tree that appeared to have a letter on it: the letter Y. And that Y appeared on a tree right next to Exile Island’s supplies. That would explain why the whys are highlighted — because it’s not why that matters, but y. Why? I have no idea, but perhaps similar letters on other trees spell out the location of the idol. In other episode news, Melinda was voted out of one of the two new tribes after an alliance between Stupid Quitter Guy Shane, my new favorite person to loathe, and Stupid Yoga Energy Guy Aras, my other new favorite person to loathe, and two others decided that she should be ejected—even though Shane basically had a breakdown and decided to quit the game about six times, and did nothing but complain about the experience. Twelve seasons and still no one’s learned anything.

I COME FROM A NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS

SACKED crisp factory workers got a parting gift from bosses —a bag of the firm’s product worth 36p. Most of the 250 staff axed by Walkers binned the crisps in disgust. One said: “I couldn’t believe they could be so insensitive. It’s bad enough being out of a joband this rubbed salt into the wound.” Walkers are closing the Swansea plant next month. They offered workers the chance of relocating but most are taking redundancy. The firm gave all its British employees the crisps as part of a push for their new low fat and salt variety. Walkers’ owners Pepsi said: “We apologise if we caused offence.”

And now, it's time for...

MOVIE BUZZ

X3: The Last Stand: Bootleg publicity pics (Wolverine making out with Dr. Jean Grey! Beast sitting in on a board meeting!) sparked an outcry from X-Fans before a cease-and-desist letter from the studio made 'em disappear. The suits should dispense with these posters, too. Unless the third installment is actually a mutant-filled sequel to Rent.

Casino Royale: A spoiler-filled script review details a scene in which 007 has his two favorite spy gadgets tortured. Yeah, that's really subtle. No wonder they can't cast the Bond girl. Just imagine what body parts she's gotta worry about.

Iced: Lenny Kravitz will hit the pipe in his movie debut. Trivia time: Name two big-name actors who caught their big break playing crackheads. That'd be Chris Rock (Pookie in New Jack City) and Halle Berry (Vivian in Jungle Fever). Apparently only black actors can play crackheads.

Well, that's all I have room for. I will leave you witha random pic. 'Nuff said.

       

Tonight Make Love To All Your Kind, Tomorrow's Pickin' Valentines.

If you were a pill I'd take a handful at my will and I'd knock you back with something sweet and strong. Plenty of times you wake up in February make-up, like a fool and the morning star you're gone. Tonight make love to all your kind, tomorrow's pickin' Valentines. Hi there, welcome to the Phile. Today I noticed something at work. I was looking at these paper hearts all over the walls by our Innoventions water cooler, and it hit me. A heart is just an upside down ass. it's true. Next time you see a drawing or a heart decoration look at it upside down. Well, next week is Valentine's Day, so I hope you have brought your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife husband, or whatever your love one would be a present. if not, use that money and buy a bunch of Foghat songs off iTunes. Someone said an average person, male or female spends a hundred dollars on a Valentines gift. My gift to my wonderful wife Jennie is that this weekend on Saturday we are going to see the Orlando Predators Arena football team play the Philadelphia Soul. The Soul is owned by Jon Bon Jovi, and Jen is hoping he'll be there. I'll let you know next entry how that went. Boy, it was cold today here in Orlando. It was so cold today even straight cowboys were snuggling. Last night was the Grammy Awards, did anybody see it? My favorite part was the montage of gunned down rap artists. Everybody was so dressed up, all those rock stars and stuff. I mean, 50 Cents, honest to God, looked like 75 Cents. I stopped watching after U2's performance, but we DVR'ed it. But I heard the show got really boring. So boring that half way through Britney Spears's four month old baby got up and drove himself home. This is crazy, did you hear about this? Britney Spears was driving down the Pacific Coast Highway in California and she has her 4 month year old kid sitting on her lap. Lucky little bastard, I bet he breasts feed as well. Anyway, the authorities are now investigating this. Meanwhile, a similar thing happened to Katie Holmes as a matter of fact. She was arrested for driving with Tom Cruise on her lap. Hey, did you hear what the Republican's said about New York Senator Hilary Clinton? They said she's to angry to be President. when Hilary heard this she replied, "Oh yeah? I'll rip your throats out, bastards." And now Hilary Clinton has a new diamond ring, did you see it? It's huge, oversized and reportedly flawed, just like her husband. The last time a democrat had a stone that big it was passed by Ted Kennedy. Well, I have lots to add to this entry and pretty sure it won't all make it in this week, but I'll give it a shot.

CANNED LAUGHTER

Q: Why don't cannibals eat divorced women? A: Because they're to bitter.

Q: What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub? A: One has hope in her soul.

Q: What's blue and smells like red paint? A: Blue paint.

Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? A: "So, do you all play for the same team?"

Q: What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night? A: A new last name.

There, I think I just cleared out a months worth of really bad jokes. Well, except for the paint one. That one makes me laugh.

 

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

Despite the “huge shift in how this game is played,” as Jeff Probst called Survivor Panama’s new twist, the new rules really didn’t come into play during the first episode, which was Survivor as usual. The castaways were introduced to each other and Jeff on Exile Island, where they competed in their first reward challenge. Of the four tribes, the older men came in first, while the younger women lost. They had to leave someone behind on Exile Island, and made that important decision by playing rock-paper-scissors. Misty stayed behind, and when she rejoined her tribe for the immunity challenge, suggested she’d found the immunity idol. But it didn’t matter, as they won the immunity challenge, while the older women lost it. At tribal council, the older women admitted that the game was a lot more difficult than it seemed. Cirie told Jeff, “For the people at home that are like me on the couch: Stay on the couch.” Another woman said, “I completely agree.” The women then voted off Tina, the woman who was cast for Survivor Guatemala but dropped out after her only child, a 16-year-old son, was killed in a car accident. Her tribemates acknowledged that she’d done a lot of work and apparently viewed her as a threat. That sent Jeff into full-on lecture mode right away. Daddy Probst said, “Well, you’re only three days in to what all of you have agreed is already the toughest thing you’ve ever done, and yet you vote out the one person who could make your life a little easier. Be interesting to see how it plays out.” He did not add, “Morons.” And as for The Amazing Race: CBS will move The Amazing Race 9 from the timeslot the show has held since its sixth season. Instead of airing on Tuesdays at 9, the show will move one hour later to 10 p.m. ET, where it will face weaker competition. There won’t be any competition on FOX (since the network’s programming ends at 10), whereas it would have faced House and super-sized Idol episodes at 9. And at 10, NBC airs Law & Order: SVU while ABC airs Boston Legal. Thus, the move could help the ratings, assuming we don’t fall asleep by the time it airs. The move won’t happen immediately, though. The series returns February 28 with a two-hour episode, and the show shifts timeslots on March 7, its second week, when CBS will debut a new drama, The Unit (heh), at 9.

PALINDROMES

I think palindromes are so freakin' cool I came up with one more: Butt tub

ANYTHING FOR A LAUGH

Click on the link to see who is running for President in 2008. I'd vote for him if I could. http://www.walkenforpres.com/ 

Okay, now for a new segment called...

DIRTY PICTURES CLEANED UP

 

I'VE COME FROM A NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS

Here's the best anti-litter commercial ever from England. I'll never litter again, I promise. Click Here to see "Best Anti-Litter Ad Ever"

IT TAKES A VILLAGE IDIOT

It's generally a bad idea to say something can't or won't be done, especially in the realm of science and technology. The following are quotations from the past that haunt their speakers today: "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943. "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." -- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.  Of course there is, for the Peverett Phile, dumb ass. "I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." -- Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With the Wind." "A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." -- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies. "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962. "So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" -- Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and HP interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

SHARPENING AXES

This segment is where I play detective. Today's case is the case of the Best Buy wall numbers. You ever noticed the big weird numbers on the wall at Best Buy? They're usually just to the right of the exit, by the registers. They're yellow. Of course they look like goofy price tags. And they're just up there on the wall, for everyone to see. Some stores have only one or two sets of numbers, while some have quite a few. And they look something like this:

Well, let me tell you — if you put numbers on a wall of your store, with no clear indication of what they mean, I will go insane and become obsessed with them. It's justhow it works! Seeking meaning, I started occasionally asking "so, uh, what are those numbers, anyway?" when I checked out. Usually, I got the shrug-and-sigh double-punch. But sometimes, I got an interesting answer. And, eventually, it came together, helped tremendously by a conveniently annotated store — as well as some serious Googling. Thus, I present to you, dear reader, a Best Buy Wall Number display — annotated! Let's start at the top! (Feel free to correct any of this if you actually work for Best Buy) Shrink Percent: Ahh, shrink. You probably call it "stealing". And this store is doing pretty good with handling it. The shrink percentage is, presumably, the percentage of Best Buy merchandise that is simply prancing right out the door. A shrink percentage of .50% is, apparently, bad news — so this store is doing pretty well. Shrink Payout: Keep shrink low, and the shrink payout increases! Well, I have no idea how this shrink payout ($469) is distributed to employees (anyone know?), but I'd wager it winds up being a few extra dollars in your paycheck every now and then.
PRP Dollars: That's right: the dreaded product replacement plan, also known as the extended warranty nobody ever buys. Or do they? On this day, they've made a pretty impressive $77 (of almost-all-profit) on product replacement plans. Wow.
PRP Percent: That means that people bought the product replacement plan 2.22% of the time. Apparently, this isn't so good — the other store (pictured above) was rockin' a mighty 10.50% on the PRP. Wow again. EWSI: I like this one. Extended Windows Sales Initiative? Enhanced Wireless Secure Internet? Nope, it's better — Entertainment Weekly / Sports Illustrated! That's right, good old magazine subscriptions! You know how Best Buy always asks you if you want a subscription when you check out? Well, on this day, the pitched worked seven times. As hard as it is to comprehend that the alleged $12 dollars Best Buy makes from each subscription is worth the semi-uncomfortable sales pitch, I don't have to answer to any shareholders... Apps: Simple. Best Buy credit card applications. Looks like three have been filled out and turned in so far. MC Percent: Master Card. Yes, every Best Buy card application includes surprise bonus offer for, uh,a Master Card. Yeah, it's two card applications in one, and this store has successfully up-sold the card 100% of the three times. AS Percent: Account Shield is another Best Buy card up-sell option. Apparently a unemployment-protection feature that might generate $65 profit for Best Buy, it seems, at least in this store, people took it. So that's it! The great, one-person-cared mystery has been solved. The next time you're at Best Buy, keep an eye out for these numbers — perhaps useless, perhaps interesting, but always telling, I hope they give you insight into your store, your neighborhood, or even America itself. Although probably not.

FOGHAT NEWS

All I have this week is a clip from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Also, on February 7th was the 6 year anniversary death of my father, Lonesome Dave Peverett, lead singer and founder of Foghat. Carl's Drummer

FAKE OR FOTO

The screw was real. LOL. The photo in the last entry of the screw was foto. Are you ready for the next one? Here we go. Is it fake...or foto?

 

IF CARTOONS WERE REAL PEOPLE

At least the kid ain't pissing on anything. I never understood those Calvin stickers red necks have on their trucks.

Okay, the Phile's most popular feature. It's movie buzz time.

MOVIE BUZZ

Sin City 2: The rumored subtitle: A Dame Worth Killing For. Who might play the dame: Angelina Jolie. Of course, Rosario Dawson, Brittany Murphy and Jessica Alba are worth killing for, too. Maybe the subtitle should be plural. Or maybe it should be Sin City 2: Pillow Fight! Yeah, that's better.

Super Bowl: Look, I weigh 193 pounds, and I can bench approximately half that. You think I care about football? There's only one reason I watched the game: movie previews. New looks at Click, V for Vendetta, Running Scared, Pirates 2, Cars, 16 Blocks, The Benchwarmers, Mission: Impossible III, Poseidon and The Shaggy Dog premiered during breaks from the testosterone-fest.

Spider-Man 3: Look right to see Bryce Dallas Howard with her Gwen Stacy hair. Peter Parker's choice is simple now: ditch Mary Jane.

The Dark Crystal 2: Being a card-carrying member of Generation X requires me to report on the sequel to a movie that everyone my age claims to love. Sure, I dug those freaky-looking puppets when I was in second grade, but I also thought moon boots were cool.

Fantastic 4 2: Whether or not Von Doom returns, the foursome will take on Silver Surfer and Galactus in thesequel. I wish this sequel were taking on a new director.

Grindhouse: Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez have started shooting their split slasher/zombie movie. I'm guessing Rodriguez will get the first half — otherwise it's like the Rolling Stones opening for RATT.

Well, that's about it. I think you have enough trailers to look at (see above) as the trailer of the week to last you. I will leave you with a random picture as always. have a happy Valentine's day, hope you get lucky, and I will be posting another entry next week. Until then, 'nuff said.

 

 

ONE LAST THING

I mentioned in the last entry my friend Jeff's blog, right? Check it out if you haven't already. Well, guess who else has a blog? Chewbacca! I don't make this shit up, folks. Check out the link to see Chewie's blog. And you better not say it's better then the Phile. http://rrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnhhhh.blogspot.com/

 

Hit The Groundhog Running

How're you doing? Today is Groundhog Day. It may not mean much to you as a holiday but for President Bush it means a month off at the ranch. How many of you saw President Bush's State Of The Union address the other night? It was interrupted 72 times by applause and 30 times by subpoena's. I was watching the State Of The Union address and honestly I'm not sure what the President said. By half way through Logan, my son, stepped on the remote and the next thing I knew the whole thing was in Spanish. Well, here's an interesting story from South America. A guy in Columbia was trying to cure his nephew of hiccups and he actually shot him to death. Shot the kid to death with a revolver. And technically it worked. Here's a sad story from the world of enertainment. Richie Sambora of Bon Jovi and Heather Locklear are getting a divorce. They've been together for eleven years, and now are going their seperate ways. My wifeJen and I are happy though. She can be his rebound and I can be Heather's. Anyway, when asked why she wants to divorce Richie, Heather said "because he gives love a bad name". And when Richie was asked about it he said, "It's my life." Oh, well, hope they have a nice day.

 

CANNED LAUGHTER

 

While touring an Indian reservation in North Dakota filming a documentary, Barbara Walters was puzzled as to why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses. So, she asked a brave who only had one feather in his headdress. His reply was: "Only have one woman. One woman, one feather." Feeling the first fellow was only joking she asked another brave. This brave had two feathers in his headdress. And he replied: "Me have two women. Two women, two feathers." Still not convinced the feathers indicated the number of sexual partners involved, she decided to interview the Chief. Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers, which, needless to say,
amused Ms.Walters. She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?" The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said: "Me Chief, me sleep with 'em all. Big, small, fat and tall, me sleep with 'em all." Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, "You ought to be hung." The Chief said: "You damn right, me hung, big like buffalo, long like snake" Ms. Walters cried, "You don't have to be so hostile" The Chief replied: "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style.. ... me sleep with 'em all." With tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "Oh dear." The Chief said: "No deer.. Ass too high, run too fast.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? A: Never enough.

 

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

If anybody remembers my old blog, I love reality shows. The new season of Survivor started tonight and The Amazing Race starts at the end of the month. So, in the Phile iI will keep you updated on those two shows. This one is about Survivor. Although we’ve seen the exact same locations in two previous editions of the show, the game has changed for this season. Besides the initial tribal split, which for the first time divides the castaways into four groups of four, there’s also Exile Island, where one person will be banished each week. But on that island, they’ll be able to hunt for an immunity idol, which will give the idol holder crazy amounts of power. Together, those two twists have the potential to really change the game for the first time in its 12-season history. Although the show has aired 11 seasons in less than six years, its still the most popular reality show besides American Idol.

 

ANYTHING FOR A LAUGH

EVEN MORE TRIVIA: Many actors believe peacock feathers, or even mentioning peacocks, is bad luck. Because of their racing metabolisms, hummingbirds are always two hours away from starvation. Buttered popcorn sells twice as well as plain popcorn at movie theaters. A "quinquagenarian" is someone in their fifties. The largest diamond that was ever found was 3,106 carats. Queen Ranavalona of Madagasgar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams. The wheelbarrow was invented by the Chinese. The first president to have a picture taken was John Quincy Adams. Antarctica is a desert. The average yearly total precipitation is about two inches. The word "sneaker" was coined by Henry McKinney, an advertising agent for N.W. Ayer & Son. In 1968, a lightning storm in Lapleau, France, killed all of the black sheep in a flock and left the white sheep unharmed.

I COME FROM A NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS: Every now and then I will bring you news from England, my home country.

RANDY BRITS CAUSE $600 MILLION IN SEX DAMAGE A YEAR
(England) - A third of couples in Great Britain broke something during sex last year, and one in 10 made insurance claims after trashing lamps, vases and beds, even pulling down curtains. Forty-one per cent have suffered carpet burns, a third pulled their backs and 12 per cent twisted ankles or wrists. Saucy couples in the South East were the most accident prone, while Yorkshire lovers put in the most claims for damage. Adult store chain Ann Summers commissioned the poll of 2,000 people.

BLIND WOMAN RECOVERS SIGHT AFTER HEART ATTACK
(England, AFP) - A 74-year-old woman who had been blind for 25 years awoke in a British hospital after suffering a heart attack and could see again. The Daily Telegraph newspaper reports she told her husband, "You've got older." Doctors were at a loss to explain how Joyce Urch, who lived in a world of shadows and near darkness since 1979, had recovered her sight after the heart attack 16 months ago. Urch, who was treated at Walgrave Hospital in Coventry, where doctors spent three days battling to save her life, called it a "miracle." Man, I'm so proud to be British.

 

SVU: SPECIAL VALENTINES UNIT: Valentine's Day is just around a corner, and if your loved one likes SVU as much as mine, then she or he would love these SVU inspired Valentines cards.

 

FAKE OR FOTO: Okay, here we go with another fake or foto bit. The last entries picture of the diamonds was.....fake. Yep, those diamonds were not real. Sorry. Okay, now for the next picture. Is it fake or foto?

 

IF CARTOONS WERE REAL PEOPLE:

"Eat these Quaker Oats or I'll shove this spoon up your ass!"

 

MOVIE BUZZ

And now, for the most popular feature on the Phile, movie buzz.

SCARY MOVIE 4: What's scarier, being trapped in a dungeon with Dr. Phil and Shaq, enduring yet another parody of Tom's couch-jumping, seeing Earth attacked by giant iPods or the fact that I think this trailer is actually pretty funny?

X-MEN 3: THE LAST STAND:  Here's the plot of X3 — now officially subtitled The Last Stand — as revealed in the paperback version's synopsis. Yeah, novelizations are a great spoiler source. Just don't get caught with The Han Solo Trilogy on your desk.

CASINO ROYALE:  That whole business about Rose Byrne being the next Bond girl? Never mind! Looks as though Thandie Newton's got the gig. Byrne was probably too pixieish to pair up with the grizzled Daniel Craig, whose Bond looks like a homeless guy in a tux.

THE PINK PANTHER: It's time for the Pink Panther game! Here are the rules: Watch these six clips. Then go watch The Jerk to get the bad taste out of your mouth.

UNTITLED LANCE ARMSTRONG BIOPIC: The producer of The Bourne Supremacy wants Matt Damon to star as Lance Armstrong? This violates my first rule of biopics: The subject must be dead.

SPIDER-MAN 3: The first behind-the-scenes pics make it look as though Mary Jane gets her big showbiz break at the Miss America Pageant's talent competition. Either that, or Peter Parker has the lamest fantasies ever.

UNTITLED GEORGE REEVES BIOPIC: Suits didn't like the appropriation of the Man of Steel's motto for Ben Affleck's superbio, so the former Truth, Justice & the American Way is looking for a new title. My suggestion: Affleck's Last Chance.

THANK YOU FOR NOT SMOKING: Everybody at Sundance freaked out because an allegedly hot Katie Holmes sex scene was mistakenly deleted. But the erotic erasure is actually a good thing: If you see her having sex on-screen, it's just gonna remind you that she's done the deed with Tom Cruise at least once.

And now for the teaser of the week: The Notorious Bettie Page. hottest preview ever

Well, that's it for another entry of the Phile. If you would like, go check out my friend Jeff's blog at http://journals.aol.com/trel67/StoryTimewithJeff/ . Story Time With Jeff is funny, but from Jeff I wouldn't expect an less. He is one funny sonuvabitch. With that said, enjoy the random pic, and until next time...'nuff said.