Friday, January 23, 2009

Hotel For Blogs


Hello, and welcome to the Phile, for another Phriday. So, there you have it, phans, the new logo!!! Phucking cool if you ask me. Thanks to my friend Ron Mena for designing it. Look forward to this logo to be on t-shirts, mugs, stickers and whatever cafepress could do with it. 
So, did you have inauguration fever. ‘Twas the night before the inauguration, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, as Dick Cheney tortured a mouse. The whole country had inauguration fever — at least 52 percent of the country. The other 48 percent are McCainiacs.
Hotels in Washington, D.C., were overbooked. A lot of VIPs have no place to stay. Things were so bad, Bill and Hillary Clinton had to share a room. Anyway, congratulations to Barack Obama, the United States’ 44th president. Two million people were there to watch Obama take the oath. I think Obama owes a debt to President Bush for this. The only reason the crowd was that big was because so many people are unemployed and they have the time. It was very emotional. The liberals in the crowd haven’t cried this much since they spilled their lattes in their Priuses. President Bush is now out of a job. Now he doesn’t have to worry about those annoying day trips to the White House he had to do now and then. Dick Cheney showed up to the inauguration in a wheel chair. His aides say he pulled a muscle while moving, but I think the real reason is his legs have turned back to hooves. After a short hearing, Hillary Clinton was unexpectedly confirmed as secretary of state. Bill Clinton was so surprised he fell off his intern. President Obama got a new limousine. They had to take out Bush’s favorite piece of technology — his PlayStation. After 10 inaugural balls, Obama was up and in the office e at 8:30 this morning, and then he went to church. Is it a good sign that after one hour of being president he decided the best thing he could do for the country was pray? President Bush is back in Texas — unemployed, much like the rest of the nation. Oscar nominations came out this week. “Benjamin Button” got 13. That’s as many as people who have actually seen the movie. President Barack Obama signed the executive order to close down Guantanamo Bay. I was against Gitmo from the get-go. 


From the home office in Groveland, Florida, here is this week's top ten list.
Top Ten Least Popular New Products At The New House Of Innoventions
10. Solar-powered night-vision goggles
9. 52-inch plasma toaster
8. Wireless extension cord
7. Tasers for tots
6. The Kirstie Alley Grill
5. Digital soup
4. "Accordion Hero"
3. Automatic shoe thrower
2. Senator Craig's Electronic Tap Shoes
And the number one least popular new product at the new House of Innoventions... 
1. New video game: "Grand Theft Madoff"


The most devastating earthquake in history kills 830,000 people in Shanxi province, China. Many were killed when their clay caves, carved from cliffs, collapsed.
A huge 7.8 magnitude earthquake shakes New Madrid, Missouri.
North Koreans seize the CIA intelligence ship U.S.S. Pueblo while it is in their waters and hold its crew hostage. After a humiliating series of trials, the crew is released.
An unscrupulous New Delhi bootlegger sells wood alcohol to a wedding party, killing 100 guests.
Terry Kath of band Chicago accidentally suicides in Woodland Hills. Moral: don't pretend to play Russian Roulette.
Salvador Dali dead.
A professional bungee jumper practicing for the Superbowl was killed during rehearsal. Laura Patterson, 43, died of massive head injuries at the New Orleans Superdome. Way to go, Laura!
Montana hermit Ted Kaczynski admits to four Unabomber attacks, pleading guilty in in a federal plea bargain that spares him the death penalty, but denies him the right of appeal.

I interrupt this entry of the Phile to give you celebrity gossip so you can keep up with your girlfriend. Lily Allen accidentally texted topless photos to the lead singer of the Kaiser Chiefs. 
Shia LaBeouf had his license suspended as a result of last year's DUI bust. David Faustino (aka, "Married with Children''s Bud Bundy) has a new comedic Web series co-starring Ed O'Neill and Corin "Parker Lewis" Nemec. Robert Deniro, Sting, Beyonce and many more partied at the Inaugural balls with Pres. Barack Obama. "Gossip Girl" star Kelly Rutherford's divorce is getting really ugly. Marisa Miller had a bikini malfunction while at the beach. Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are Obama supporters now apparently. Eliza Dushku is producing a film about artist Robert Mapplethorpe. And now back to the Phile.


Q: How many perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one, but it takes a surgical team to get it out.


Hotel For Dogs 
Starring Emma Roberts, Jake T. Austin, Don Cheadle, Johnny Simmons, Lisa Kudrow, Kevin Dillon and Britney Christian who I interviewed. A brother and sister with rotten foster parents, people from whom they have to keep their pet dog a secret, find shelter for the mutt at an abandoned hotel. Turns out there are other strays squatting there too, so the kids recruit neighborhood friends to turn the place into a home for all the mongrels they can find, complete with great dog-centric inventions. Yes, everything here is crazy-adorable. And best of all, unlike a certain other cute canine movie in theaters near you, you’re not subjected to bummer-inducing pet death scenes or heart-shattering doggie funerals. Kids love having secret plans that adults aren’t in on. So this movie will dovetail nicely into that childhood desire. It’s got an elaborate, only-in-your-dreams secret clubhouse, a virtuous do-gooder plan operating under the noses of mean, stupid grownups who just don’t understand and, even better, are openly hostile towards kids and dogs. You couldn’t ask for a better fantasyland where the kid characters get to assert their dominance over their own destinies. Also? It saves its cutest, most heartwarming doggie love-bombing for the end and you get to see pugs and French Bulldogs in little outfits. Everyone likes that. The hotel set is almost as charming as the dogs themselves. Whoever designed and built the lo-fi contraptions that the dogs use to enjoy themselves—the motion simulator ride where they get to hang their heads out a car window while a fan blows in their face, a combination ferris wheel/conveyor belt food distribution system, a vending machine for shoes to chew on—should get some kind of recognition. And by that I mean something more than a mention in a review by some guy who’s barely a film critic.
And no, the dogs don't talk. Dogs are left to be dogs in this one. From 1 to 10, I give it a 9.


I wasn't a big fan of NBC's "Bionic Woman" remake. The best thing about it – besides Katee Sackhoff's guest turn – was star Michelle Ryan. The English actress not only looked the part, but her performance sometimes managed to make the show feel richer and more complex than it actually was. So I was happy to hear that she might play the new Doctor's companion on "Doctor Who". "Michelle's been in secret talks with BBC bosses," a source told the UK's Sunday Mirror. "They are likely to announce her as Doctor Who's new assistant very soon. She is perfect for the role. She is good looking and the right age to star alongside Matt (Smith). Everyone agrees they look great together and reckon fans will think they're the perfect team, too." I'm sure Ryan will get the part. She auditioned for the assistant role after Billie Piper left in 2005. She lost out to Freema Agyeman, but her profile has only gone up since then. I'm excited about the possible Ryan/Matt Smith combo. I might be in the minority here, but I hope "Doctor Who" will look and feel very different once Smith takes over the role. I'll really miss David Tennant and everything and everyone about the current incarnation of "Doctor Who", but I think it's time to regenerate. What do you think about the possibility of Ryan time traveling with the new Doctor? Are you still holding out hope for Lily Allen?


Well before Watchmen even went into production, we knew that a killer soundtrack would be involved -- not only because the graphic novel's universe revels in a slightly different form of pop culture, but because Zack Snyder is pretty into the world of cinematic music. Three days before the film hits theaters, Sci Fi Wire reports that Warner Bros. will release two discs -- the soundtrack and the original score. Considering the huge number of people that will see this film, I can only hope that this inspires a new wave of retro apprectiation (sort of like Wayne's World and "Bohemian Rhapsody"). There's the hauntingly melodic "The Sound of Silence," some iconic Nat King Cole with "Unforgettable," "Pirate Jenny," which will grace the end credits of Tales From the Black Freighter, and my personal favorite -- the wonderfully haunting and pretty much perfect "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen. But that's not all -- aside from these tunes, fans can pick up Watchmen: The Complete Motion Comic on Blu-ray, and also watch out for a special "Watchmen Music Collectors Edition" later in the month which will go retro with picture discs. If you're a fan of this whole production, I suggest you start saving your pennies now. I think a lot of promotional trinkets will be headed our way.
Music From the Motion Picture Watchmen:
1. Desolation Row, My Chemical Romance
2. Unforgettable, Nat King Cole
3. The Times They Are A-Changin', Bob Dylan
4. The Sound of Silence, Simon & Garfunkel
5. Me & Bobby McGee, Janis Joplin
6. I'm Your Boogie Man, KC & The Sunshine Band
7. You're My Thrill, Billie Holiday
8. Pruit Igoe & Prophecies, The Philip Glass Ensemble
9. Hallelujah, Leonard Cohen
10. All Along the Watchtower, Jimi Hendrix
11. Ride of the Valkyries, Budapest Symphony Orchestra
12. Pirate Jenny, Nina Simone (used in the end credits of Tales From The Black Freighter).
Watchmen Original Motion Picture Score:
1. Rescue Mission
2. Don't Get Too Misty Eyed
3. Tonight the Comedian Died
4. Silk Spectre
5. We'll Live Longer
6. You Quit!
7. Only Two Names Remain
8. The American Dream
9. Edward Blake, The Comedian
10. The Last Laugh
11. Prison Fight
12. Just Look Around You
13. Dan's Apocalyptic Dream
14. Who Murdered Hollis Mason?
15. What About Janie Slater?
16. I'll Tell You About Rorschach
17. Countdown
18. It Was Me
19. All That Is Good
20. Requiem (Excerpted from Mozart's Requiem)
21. I Love You Mom


There is a delicious irony in the penny-pinching that surrounds Iron Man 2. We're talking about Tony Stark, a Marvel character who is wealthier than God, and whose sequel will bring in millions at the box office. Yet the studio reportedly didn't want to bring Jon Favreau back because they were convinced they could pay a new guy less. Then came reports that they dumped Terrence Howard largely because they had overpaid him. Last week, Samuel L. Jackson told the world that Marvel was feeling the economic crunch, and wouldn't pay his asking price to reprise the role of Nick Fury. Now, Variety reports that Marvel is offering Mickey Rourke the grand total of $250,000 to play Crimson Dynamo, and hints that he may not sign for such a low offer. Seriously Marvel? Of course, actors are hideously overpaid and all, but I think Rourke deserves a decent chunk of change for Iron Man 2 considering what Marvel will make on the film. Meanwhile the "maybe they aren't overpaid, money doesn't heal humiliation" category, check out this Liev Schreiber quote from Details about playing Sabretooth in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. "I started to read blogs in the comic world with things like 'That's the dumpiest, most out-of-shape Sabretooth I've ever seen in my life!' They gave me a muscle suit at the beginning. I was so humiliated I thought, I've got to try to do this on my own ... I felt like I owed it to the genre to be big." Now take a moment, and be glad Fox cast someone as committed as Schreiber so that you didn't have to see Sabretooth in a rubber muscle suit. Remember Sleeper, the Tom Cruise, Sam Raimi project based on Ed Brubaker's comic series? In October, Brad Inglesby signed on to write the script, and you may have wondered why Brubaker didn't get the job. It turns out, he didn't want it. Brubaker told Sci Fi Wire: "I've talked to the producers a lot, but, you know, [if] Tom Cruise is going to star in this thing, I've got comics to write ... I would love it if they make it, and I want to go visit and everything. I can't imagine on that level working with like Tom Cruise and Sam Raimi. I think I would actually feel daunted, and I'd prefer not to feel daunted. Plus, I know that movie's going to cost $100 million. Even if I wrote a draft, I'll be better off letting them hire a bunch of other writers and then send me scripts to fix." The project is on the fast track after the success of Valkyrie, but they don't yet have a full script. Finally, The Hollywood Reporter has a charming video of Hugh Jackman telling everyone why it's cool to be Wolverine -- and maybe it was something about that macho set, but he seems to have a moment of poor self-esteem to rival Schreiber's. 


There, kids, the latest entry of the Phile. The interviews will be back tomorrow with Bryan Eden from Tribe of Eden, then on Sunday it's Jeremy Rowe from The Jeremy Rowe Band. Monday we'll have The Handful, Tuesday it's Dylan from Trading Voices which is a band, and Wednesday Adam Bentley from The Rest. I am slowly catching up on the interviews I have done, and will be do many more in the next few weeks. So, until then, spread the word, not the turd.

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