Monday, June 18, 2018

Pheaturing Phil Collen From Delta Deep

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? Do you like burgers? I do. Burgers can be topped with pretty much anything nowadays... guacamole, peanut butter, aioli... but there is definitely one thing NO one wants to find on their patty. Any guesses? Yesterday, Curtis Mays went out to dinner with his daughter and granddaughter at Bohemian Hall and Beer Garden in Astoria, Queens for Father's Day burgers. May said that during his visit, there was a mix up with his order. He eventually asked for the receipt, and what he saw printed on it almost made him sick. Here is the receipt...

"Please spit in it too," read the receipt. Ewww, that is the second most disturbing thing on there after asking for the burger to be cooked well done! "I ate my burger already, I felt like I was gonna throw up," Mays told ABC 7. He also explained how he confronted the waitress about the receipt but she failed to provide a reasonable explanation. "I asked her 'why would you do this?' And she couldn't explain it. She said she didn't do it, so I as like 'who prints out the receipt?' So she said 'I take it up there and print it myself.'" Mays asked, "So you did it? Why are you lying about it? She just walked off." The waitress was fired immediately. The manager of the restaurant also said that it is very likely that the chef actually spit in Mays' food. And, of course, Mays did get a full refund. "He was saying, 'how can we compensate you?' I was like, 'how can you compensate somebody for spitting on your food? I ate this already," said Mays. Guac may be extra, but unwanted bodily fluids are free. Good to know.
Father's Day was yesterday as you know, and many people marked the occasion by celebrating their dear old dad on social media. However, this holiday can be pretty painful for those who have strained relationships with their fathers. Just ask Brandon Lee, Tommy Lee's son. Instead of celebrating Father's Day with burgers and beers, Brandon celebrated by absolutely dragging his dad all over the Internet for millions of people to see. The drama started on Sunday when the Mötley Crüe drummer uploaded this picture of himself with his father. In the caption of the post, he speaks about how being a dad is "a rollercoaster" and how he's "fucked up many times" but always "bounced back." Well, it didn't take long for Brandon Lee to clap-back at his dad and call him out on his Instagram page. He took a screen shot of Tommy Lee's "Honest Guy" post and added a caption that reads...

Brandon was clearly alluding to that time back in March where he allegedly punched his father in self defense, knocking him out cold. But his, uh, "Father's Day tribute" didn't end there. Brandon Lee then UPLOADED THE VIDEO of his dad laid out on the floor after he punched him! YIKES! It's official, an ugly tie is no longer the worst gift you can get your dad on Father's Day. According to TMZ, Pamela Anderson stands by her son's statement. Tommy Lee left Anderson when their youngest son, Dylan, was only 7-weeks-old.
Normally, something as seemingly inane as a self-reflective Father's Day post wouldn't receive backlash. But we aren't living in a "normal" political moment (not that there ever was one). When House speaker Paul Ryan made a Father's Day post on Twitter claiming children are his highest priority, it rubbed some people the wrong way, most notably, it rubbed singer John Legend the wrong way. "My life changed the day I became a father. Liza, Charlie, and Sam are my highest priority. Wishing all of the dads out there a happy early ‪#FathersDay," Ryan wrote on Saturday. Again, in most scenarios a video like this wouldn't be met with derision. However, it feels deeply tone deaf the current instatement of Trump's zero tolerance policy that has been stripping children from their parents' arms at the US/Mexico border, even when they're legally seeking asylum. Legend wasted no time in pointing out the hypocrisy of Ryan supporting the separation of families while claiming children as a high priority. Legend wrote...

Happy belated Father's Day Paul Ryan, may you and your allies promptly find a swift one-way ticked to hell. Because the rest of us are already living in it.
A new report by the Justice Department's inspector general has given the public new insights into the FBI investigation of Hillary Clinton's emails. Notably, the report reveals ways in which the handling of the email investigation may have helped Trump's rise to public office. On the contrary, Republican claim bias towards Clinton was overt in a series of text messages unearthed. Regardless of which way the potential compass of bias points, one finding in particular inspired what might be the best clap-back of 2018. When the Politico reporter Kyle Cheney tweeted about IG findings indicating Comey's use of a private email server, Clinton was waiting in the wings with the flames. Cheney tweeted...

I'll go ahead and let Clinton's perfect tweet speak for itself...

People on Twitter had no words. Goodbye, we are all deceased.
If you work in the service industry long enough, the odds are you'll eventually serve a celebrity. Naturally, the likelihood of gazing longingly into John Cusack's eyes before serving him his 6 p.m. dinner goes up if you're working at a fine dining restaurant (although even Cusack craves Subway every now and then). Because of this, employees at a brand new installment of a find dining establishment in Belmont, Massachusetts regularly get briefed on celebrity serving etiquette. Even though most restaurants prefer that waitstaff remain calm when dealing with celebrity guests, it's hard to not lose your cool every now and again. This is precisely what happened when the new 19-year-old waitress Sarah Ananian was told the NFL corndog Tom Brady would be making a reservation. She may have made a handful of Snapchat posts in anticipation of the football player's visit to her restaurant. In fact, a few of her equally excited friends and family members may have helped spread those Snapchat stories. Her stories about Tom Brady's dinner plans soon made the Internet rounds, and a crowd of people congregated at the pizza shop across the street. Others, the true die-hards, decided to really roll the dice and dine at the same restaurant as Brady. However, the whole shebang was revealed as a farce when Ananian was called into a staff meeting at work. In the meeting, the manager revealed that Brady didn't have a reservation in the first place. The fictional reservation was all a ruse to test if the employees could keep their cool around celebrities. While Ananian wasn't called out by name, the manager did instruct the employees to lay low next time there's a (real) reservation. Since her job is still (at the time of writing) in tact, Ananian took the opportunity to laugh at herself, and shared the gaffe with her Twitter followers.

A handful of people related to her excitement, and claimed they'd do the same in her shoes. As one Twitter user pointed out, Ananian's Snapchat stories technically helped drive more business to the restaurant. The managers might be onto something, because there's no way their employees are going to forget this training technique.
You know I don't cook, right. Well, I saw this cook book and thought it might help me.

Maybe not. If I had a TARDIS I would go to Texas in the 50s, but knowing my luck I'll end up at these people's house and see a hanging ghost...

Yikes. Math is not my strong suit, and this is something I would have a hard time with...

Oh, Peter. XD you're doing it right. Haha. They say at Walmart there's some weird sights but I never believe it until I see...

Why couldn't it be a topless woman? Then is Walmart. Marvel does a great job matching stunt men with the actors. Check this out...

Ummm... maybe not so much with Loki. Talking about Marvel, did you see the new Spider-Man Pop that just came out?

Hahaha. That's so stupid. That's as stupid as...

So, there's still a lot of Royal Wedding souvenirs you can get. Like this Nora Ephron-inspired shirt...

High school kids are really killing git with their senior high school year book quotes this year.

Did you see the pic of when Trump and Kim met? It looks familiar...

See? Hey, Burger King just changed it's name! Wot?!

Hahaha. Okay, so, last week I asked you to send in your fight stories and I'll use them for the Phile's Top Phive List. I got so many responses, so thank you. Next Monday's list will be the weirdest things your kids have done. Email them to me at and I'll pick out the 5 best ones. Anyway, from the home office in Port Jefferson, here is...

Top Phive Phile Reader Phight Stories
5. One summer afternoon during our high school years, I was lounging on the couch watching TV, minding my own business. My brother puts a bagel in the toaster, takes it out, and places both scorching hot bagel halves on my nipples.
4. Drunk In college headed to a concert. Crossing at a crosswalk, a car aggressively pulled up on me and I screamed it was disrespecting me and tried to fight it. Tried to fight a car.
3. I turned around to see some guys, all wearing matching scarves, shoving a friend. Felt like someone needed to point out the scarves, so, thinking quickly, I yelled, “Why doncha go back to scarf town!”
2. I kicked a guy out of my bar because he had previously been banned and managed to sneak back in. Outside, he slipped on some brass knuckles in his pocket and said, “If I’m going to get kicked out, might as well be for something.”
And the number one Phile reader fight story is...
1. I wrote a column in the school newspaper about water polo being a cult and the biggest dude on the water polo team cornered me at a party that night and used my face to put a dent into the hood of a Ford Thunderbird Turbo Coupe.

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. So, my son and I were talking about how we used to watch "Sesame Street" together when he was a little kid. That show sure has changed over the years.

Kermit enjoys throwing rocks off the overpass. Elmo waits for a convertible with the top down.

Betty White is older than sliced bread.

The 82nd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Kip will be the guest on the Phile in a few weeks. Okay, so, my son and I saw Incredibles 2 yesterday. It was great! A good friend of the Phile saw it as well and I thought it'll be fun to have him review it. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...

Laird’s No Spoiler Movie Review... Incredibles 2. Everyone’s absence for the past 14 years... conveniently explained by one plot point (yet the kids haven’t aged a day in 14 years), Samual L. Jackson doesn’t say mutherfucker even once. Everyone acts as if they don’t remember Jack Jack’s power at the end the first one... Men are all inept and stupid... Women can do anything. Edna Mole still rocks. 9 out of a possible 10.

Phact 1. In Aztec mythology, giving birth was seen as a woman’s battle with the gods to win her child’s life. Mothers who succeeded were celebrated, while women who died in childbirth were thought to become vampiric monsters called Cihuateteo, which stole other women’s children.

Phact 2. A teenager fooled an entire school and its officials by pretending to be the State Senator. He was chauffeured, given a tour, and spoke to the high school students about being involved in politics. They only found out when the real Senator showed up the next month.

Phact 3. In 1963, a man tore down a wall in his house and noticed an enormous and complex tunnel system behind it. He had rediscovered the ancient underground city of Derinkuyu in Turkey.

Phact 4. Margrethe II, the queen of Denmark, felt compelled to draw illustrations for "The Lord of the Rings" in the 70s and sent them to Tolkien himself. He noted her style was quite similar to his own. Her drawings were used as a basis for the illustrations in the Danish translation of the books.

Phact 5. When Elvis was referred to by his nickname “the king” after a concert, he pointed to Fats Domino and said, “No, that’s the real king of rock and roll.”

This is cool. Today's pheatured guest is is an English musician. He is the lead guitarist and former rhythm guitarist for the rock band Def Leppard and guitarist for Delta Deep, whose self-titled album and the new live album and DVD "East Coast Live" are available on iTunes and Amazon. Please welcome to the Phile... Phil Collen.

Me: Hey, Phil, welcome to the Phile, sir. How are you?

Phil: Wonderful, thanks, how are you?

Me: Hanging in there. Okay, so, yesterday I interviewed Joe Satriani and you were just on the G3 tour with him. How did you first meet him?

Phil: I was asked to do the G4 thing with Paul Gilbert, and Warren DeMartini, and we had just a great time. When the G3 tour was booked and became a real thing Joe just asked me if I was up to doing that because again we had so much thing doing all the G4 thing... the seminars, playing together and just jamming together in general. Apparently I brought a different element to it as well. It's slightly different to what normally happens. I come from a band that is very song orientated so it's really cool for me because I get to play guitar doing this and also playing the songs I love to play but in a different context. That's it really, it just broadened the whole thing. Plus I'm a rock guitar player, I like the instrumental guitar playing and not just the hard rock playing. I'm a pure hard rock player so again it's a different element that helps makes things interesting all the time.

Me: When you do the G3 shows are you doing Def Leppard songs, Delta Deep songs or instrumentals?

Phil: A little bit of both actually. We did 37 shows in 38 days, if I sang every night that would kill me. Debbi Blackwell-Cook came out and did some Delta Deep stuff and Forest Robinson played drums the whole tour. Craig Martini is playing bass because Robert DeLeo from Delta Deep had STP stuff coming up so he hasn't around. We changed the set around and I threw some Def Leppard things in but I really liked to do some instrumental stuff as well. I'm a huge fan of 70s fusion stuff like Stanley Clarke... all of that stuff, like Jeff Beck. So I thought it would be nice to throw elements of that in there.

Me: I told Joe that I'm not a big fan of instrumental albums and songs, and neither your two bands do instrumentals. Are you planning on releasing any instrumentals or have you done in the past?

Phil: No. But I've been playing a bunch of them obviously my whole life. I go to play with Jeff Beck a few years ago as well. That was really funny, he said can I come up and sing something so I came up and sung "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder which he wrote for Jeff Beck initially. It ended up being songs as well. I do a bit of both really, I'm totally comfortable doing whatever. I've been so long in the studio so just getting out there, doing instrumentals or not. In the back of my head I'm the record producer as well, and if I'm being indulgent or over-indulgent I want to pull it back a bit and put some arrangements in there as well. I like mixing up and having hybrid anyway.

Me: I mentioned to Joe I remember seeing the "Surfing With the Alien" album in a record store and the cover drew me to it as I am a big comic book fan. Did you ever buy that album or listen to it, Phil? I didn't. Haha.

Phil: Yeah, I did. That was the first time someone who has a rock guitar brought something to a new level really. It crossed over. Some people who weren't necessary rock fans could dig it. They could hum along to the stuff because it's very melodic, which is great what Joe does. I don't think he gets enough respect for that because a lot of guys just go out there and play and it's not memorable. With Joe's stuff it's all themed with melodies and songs. There's no lyrics in there but it hits all the right things so "Surfing With the Alien" was a very unique album. It totally crossed over and was a hit record, and sold well as well. It kicked a lot of boxes that one. You should listen to it.

Me: So, what do you think of Joe? I asked him about you. Haha.

Phil: I think there's a big thing between an artist and a musician. You can be an artist and a full time musician but you are necessary an artist of you are a musician. Joe is both for sure. Just last year after the G4 thing I released a song called "Yo 2 Joe" and Joe played on it. We are actually both playing together. It's out there on iTunes and we played that as well on the tour.

Me: I think you're busier now than you have ever been, with Def Leppard and now Delta Deep, and working with Joe. Am I right, are you busier now, and is hat your intent?

Phil: I'm busier than we've ever been in our lives. We were touring in South America and Mexico touring down there, and we've only been there once before with Def Leppard and I think there's a lot more of opportunities there coming up. A lot of bands disappearing. We have the original line up with Def Leppard, it's been the same for 27 years and we are constantly out there and everyone is up for doing more touring. Everyone is loving it and we got so much better as a band. We are really singing, so it's not samples or stuff like that. We get better as a band all the time and I think that really shows with the audience. People can tell the difference with that and something that is not totally live. Yes, we're definitely busier than we've been for 25 years.

Me: Def Leppard has been doing 80s circuit shows and have been teamed up with other classic rock bands, and now this summer going to tour with Journey, which is weird to me. How does the band decide what tours to do, Phil? What kinda audience is Def Leppard marketed to?

Phil: It's always who is available. Like I said there's less and less bands out there. A lot of these bands go out on these package tours and stuff like that. It's slightly different, we have two albums that went 10 times platinum in the states and there's an elite bunch of bands like Aerosmith would be one. And again, we just toured with them, it was one of the bands we played in South America with. That was killer. Just think there's less and less available and it's pretty obvious who we are gonna tour with. It's a very short list and when it comes to us they ask what do we think. Howard Kaufman, our manager who passed away, was amazing. He said we should tour with these guys this time. He suggested the Kiss tour, which we had a blast on. That was really cool. It's becoming more difficult I got to say.

Me: You guys need to tour with Foghat. You mentioned the diamond albums and when you look at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame you guys should be in it. Do you get pissed off that Def Leppard never gets nominated or don't you care?

Phil: I don't personally. It's like anything else, it's like I shouldn't really read the comments on my Facebook page or Twitter or whatever because I'll be very upset. What's out there is not really relevant in most cases. With something like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame people are trendy or the people that chose these things makes them look in a certain way. So, yeah, I wouldn't be bothered what anyone thought. The amazing Ian Hunter who used to sing in Mott the Hoople, said a great to me ages ago. He said, "When a man reaches 55 he actually stops worrying what people think about him, or what people say." I thought this was weird, so I asked what did he mean. He said, "Well, you won't care a 22-year-old is judging you because you got this life experience all of a sudden it's irrelevant." The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the Grammys, all that stuff, falls in that category. It's great if that happens, if not, it really doesn't matter. It's kinda more fun and more exciting to push myself artistically. That honestly is a huge reward to me. The fact that the band is still touring and there's actually more people coming to the shows. I find it fascinating but the more work we put into it the more we get out of it. Funny it would work out that way. That's really what happens and I think a lot of people stop caring and they stop trying. It's pretty relevant that the more we care the more we show up and make the effort we get more from it. That to me is more important.

Me: It's crazy that Def Leppard is still together and rocking, don't you think? You lost bands members, one had cancer, one lost his arm... and you are still putting out music and touring.

Phil: We were in Mexico City and we were all sitting on the couch backstage and I said, "How many bands do you know that have been together for nearly 40 years could all sit on the same couch backstage before the show and naturally hang out and enjoy talking to each other?" It's like there's not many, especially at that level. That's a blessing as well. There's so many great things that are important.

Me: You guys were supposed to put out a documentary but didn't. What happened with that?

Phil: They said there's a problem, there's no conflict with you guys. There's no arguing, fighting, we weren't shouting at each other, It was all just a bit great because our substance from trying to make great music. It's kinda boring in that kinda respect but that's really what we do. That's why we spent 3 years in the studio trying to make records and stuff, which we've done a number of times.

Me: Why does it take so long or you guys to make an album, Phil?

Phil: We got that down by the way. The last Def Leppard album we did over a year period and went into 3 different occasions and recorded. I just finished producing the new Tesla album. We've done that, and they actually been out on tour with us. We would run backstage before soundchecks or something and we had a half hour... we could do a bass piece today, or whatever it was. That'll be out soon.

Me: How does that keep you interested with working with other artists like with Delta Deep, then working with Def Leppard so it doesn't become stale? Does that makes sense?

Phil: I think I constantly evolve as a human being as well as an artist. I'm just constantly learning things and I love that. It's a learning curve as I look at it. I do have a humble approach if someone could show me something or learn something with playing with somebody or even watching someone. That's a big deal to me, and it still is. I'm still a fan. I love the fact of diversity and there's different ways to approach songs... just life in general because it's definitely the way to go because otherwise it's ego driven and I'm just listening to my own playlist over and over and that would get a bit boring. It's coo to get out there because the more I let in the more I let out. When we travel anywhere I make a point to get out and seeing the city, even if I am just on my own. It's kinda cool to do. That really has an effect on my muse and I read books, I watch movies, and listen to various types of music and it all really helps. I don't have enough time in the day to get out what's in my head... it drives me nuts. I certainly never have any writers block issues.

Me: Apart from being a musician you are a work out nut, am I right? Don't you do kick boxing or something like that?

Phil: Yeah, I just changed out my whole work out regime, I did an injury about 4 years ago from kick boxing. I think I was over training with boxing drills, just hitting stuff way too hard. My tendon and tore off the knuckle, off the bone. I wasn't actually working out, I had my hand on the floor and it just squelched. I had to stitch hot back on, I couldn't play for 6 weeks, that was kind of weird.

Me: Ack! Do you ever get nervous with kick boxing at all, getting hurt and fucking up the whole tour? I would. Haha.

Phil: Yeah, because I don't do that extreme anymore. I just do work outs and before I used to train. There's a huge difference between doing a work out and training. I really hit it hard, not literally but kinda a routine thing. I've been working out with a trainer in L.A. and he's the guy who gets guys ready when they're doing movies, like a super hero or whatever, and there's ways of doing it not hiring myself. I love the idea of basically changing it up all the time. I can remember Rick Savage was cutting a tomato and are were recording an album in Dublin at Joe's house, and he just looked up and the tip of his finger came off and I was like oh my God. He couldn't play for like weeks. It was so easily done. I think there's certain things I know to avoid. When I started doing karate years ago I was doing a spinning kick before I learnt to do all that stuff and I fell over and sprained my ribs. I became more careful after that. I just think I learn to not get into those situations. I try to avoid them. I wouldn't go skiing for that reason but I think I take care of the other thing. Like boxing drills, I'm only hitting light, and not pounding on it so I change it up a little bit. Especially when that happens. 

Me: When you hurt your hand what did you do? Did you still play the guitar?

Phil: It was my left hand and we were just about to start a tour. The funny thing was all the guys that were opening up for us were all like killer guitar players and I kinda limped through this couple of weeks and each time I bent a note with my pinky the knuckle would pop on my second finger and it would sound like I had turrets on the guitar and was playing all these weird notes. By the end of the 3 weeks I was actually okay, I just figured a way around it.

Me: Phil, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Please come back again soon and tell the other guys from Def Leppard they need to be on the Phile. Take care.

Phil: Sure will, thanks, Jason. You take care.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and of course Phil Collen. The Phile will kick off summer next Sunday with Will Vinton. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Sunday, June 17, 2018

Pheaturing Joe Satriani

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Sunday and Happy Father's Day! You-hoo! Your boss may be a total jerk, but do they recklessly throw tantrums? Yes? Well, are they constantly shirking their responsibilities and violating the law? Yeah? Okay, but are they President of the United States? A new report in Politico last Monday provides insight into the president's charming, idiosyncratic habits. In a piece appropriately titled "Meet the guys who tape Trump's papers back together," Politico introduces us to the guys who tape Trump's papers back together. Trump apparently has "an odd and enduring habit of ripping up papers when he’s done with them... what some people described as his unofficial 'filing system.'" Unfortunately for Trump and his passion for manual paper shredding, there's a thing called the Presidential Records Act, which requires the White House to preserve any memos, emails, or papers that cross the president's desk to send to the National Archives. To make sure that Trump isn't violating this particular law (don't worry, he's getting away with shirking many others), a team of government employees are tasked with taping the scraps back together. Solomon Lartey was one of the puzzle solvers until he was abruptly fired this spring. He told Politico, “We got Scotch tape, the clear kind,” Lartey recalled in an interview. “You found pieces and taped them back together and then you gave it back to the supervisor.” The restored papers would then be sent to the National Archives to be properly filed away. Lartey said the papers he received included newspaper clips on which Trump had scribbled notes, or circled words; invitations; and letters from constituents or lawmakers on the Hill, including Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. “I had a letter from Schumer... he tore it up,” he said. “It was the craziest thing ever. He ripped papers into tiny pieces.” This is a normal president doing normal things and we live in a very normal time.
A grandmother in Memphis, Tennessee was charged with child endangerment after a video caught her putting her grandchildren in dog kennels went viral. The kids told the police that there were put in dog cages because there was no more room in the back of the car. To get the full dog experience, there were no vents in the trunk and they were likely extremely hot in the 95-degree weather. A neighbor told FOX 13 that Cheeks likely didn't know that she did anything wrong, because they seem like a happy family. "I don’t think she knew because she loves her grandkids," the neighbor told Fox. "They’re always outside playing with the dogs and stuff." Cheeks should have known better. Putting children in cages? Only the government can do that!
Actress Chloe Dykstra has penned an essay detailing her years in an emotionally abusive relationship with an ex-boyfriend who has been revealed as "The Talking Dead" host, Chris Hardwick. Although Hardwick goes unnamed in Dykstra's essay,"Rose-Colored Glasses: A Confession," the actress talks about the years of abuse she suffered while dating a "mildly successful podcaster [turned] powerhouse CEO" and man "almost 20 years my senior." It didn't take people long to figure out that the man is Nerdist founder, Chris Hardwick. In the open letter published to on Thursday, Dykstra makes a number of disturbing claims against Hardwick, like saying he did not allow her to drink alcohol, forbade her from speaking to him in public, and did not allow her to have male friends. Dykstra also accused Hardwick of forcing her to engage in sex with him. She alleges that following a major surgery for a life-threatening ectopic pregnancy, Hardwick’s first question to the doctor was, "When do you think I can have sex with her again?" Dykstra said she suffered an eating disorder and hair loss during the relationship, and after years of pain, finally left Hardwick for another man. But the abuse still didn't stop. After the breakup, Dykstra said that Hardwick got her blacklisted from working with several different companies by the time she was just 25-years-old. Dykstra and Hardwick announced their split in July 2014 via Twitter. Hardwick married heiress/actress Lydia Hearst in 2016. Shortly after being posted, Dykstra's essay went viral. Employees of Hardwick's soon spoke out against against their boss. On Friday, Chloe Dykstra took to Twitter to thank her numerous supporters. I like Chris Hardwick, so I hope this isn't true... but we'll see.
Although Vanessa Trump and Donald Trump Jr. are no longer a couple, the two still have each other's backs. In March, Vanessa Trump filed for divorce from Donald Trump Jr. after 12 years of marriage. Soon after, Donald Trump Jr. started stepping out with Fox host Kimberly Guilfoyle. The new relationship was heavily criticized from the start, and continues to be to this day. On Wednesday, writer Linda Stasi wrote a piece for the New York Daily News titled, "Fox should fire reporter Kimberly Guilfoyle, who can't possibly stay neutral while dating a Trump kid." To put it lightly, eldest Trump son did not take kindly to the column, even going so far as to call it "sexist & racist." In the article, Stasi called Guilfoyle "an otherwise brilliant woman," but "when it comes to picking men, though, she’d be better off picking grapes." Trump Jr. argues that the grape reference offensive given Guilfoyle’s Puerto Rican heritage. Stasi later apologized in this tweet. But Donald Trump Jr. was not done there. On Thursday, he shared an article from Mediaite about the "absurd" Daily News piece. And Vanessa retweeted it and voiced her support for her ex and his new girlfriend. Some speculate that the two are able to remain friendly despite Don Jr.'s abrupt moving-on because they had been living "separate lives" for a number of months before ever filing for divorce. Annnnnd it looks like Vanessa basically confirmed that rumor in her tweet. However, it is clear that Don Jr. appreciated his ex-wife's support, and retweeted this comment from Candace Owens calling the supportive tweet "real feminism." You know what else would be "real feminism"? Closing the pay gap, hiring more women for leadership roles, not supporting a man who brags about sexual assault... but sure! It's nice that Vanessa and can get along with her ex's new girlfriend. Maybe those two will go grab brunch together or something. Girl power, right?
So, did you Betsy Byars books when you were a kid? I never heard of her but when I saw this one I was like what the hell...

I don't get it. You know, if there is a God some people sure strayed from his light...

Haha. So, how's your luck? I hope it's better than this woman's...

She looks miserable. On the last entry of the Phile I interviewed Martin Grams Jr. who wrote a book on the TV show "The Twilight Zone." Well, there was one episode of the show I wish I mentioned to him...

"Picture if you will an idiot with weapons..." Ha. Have you heard of Oral Roberts? Well, he had a magazine called Ministries that I would never think of reading until I saw this one...

Hmmm. If I had a TARDIS I would go back in time to the 70s and hang out with this guy...

And ask him if he'd like to write some songs with me. Hahahaha. "Born in the U.K.," "Dancing With the Dork." I'm so stupid. Here's another "stop weight bigotry" poster...

So, I have been telling you about the Rate My Professor website, and showing you some of the things students say about their professors. Look at this one...

I kinda want to meet this Jennifer professor. Haha. Man, those Marvel move making people sure do a good job matching the stunt men with the actors. Take a look at this...

Cool, right? So, if you are still looking for Royal Wedding souvenirs there's still some out there. Like this squad tee...

The new fab four? Some high school seniors are getting so creative with their year book quotes this year...

If you're thinking about cheating on your loved one you might think twice after you see this...

Hahahahahaha. Damn. Did you see the new IHOP poster?

That's sad. Did you ever meet a celebrity and what you're wearing is kind of a coincidence? Like this guy...

Okay, so, my son and I were talking about how we used to watch "Sesame Street" together when he was a little kid. That show is slightly different now than it was back then... I hope.

Kermit asks Dr. Nucleus if his new robot will have an advanced A.I. The good doctor informs Kermit that wasn't what he had in mind when he created the Fuckbot 3000.

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, so, there's this scientist who likes to come onto the Phile now and then and reveal some of his inventions he has been working on. None of them would be successful and work, but he says he has some more good ones now. I invited him back to tell us what they are. So, once again, please welcome to the Phile...

Me: Hello, Mak, welcome back to the Phile. So, what have you invented recently?

Mak: Hi, Jason, okay... are you ready?

Me: Nope, not really.

Mak: Well, you're gonna like this one... Inflatable dartboard.

Me: Ummm... I don't think that will really work, Mak, the game will be over real quick.

Mak: True, true. Okay, how about waterproof towels? You can take them to the beach.

Me: Ahhh... I had to think twice about that one. Hahaha. Nope, that would not work either.

Mak: Oh, okay, her's one for the ladies... A tampon which tells you if you're pregnant or not.

Me: I almost laughed out loud. That's sick. Do you have any more?

Mak: Yeah, I got one more... a glow in the dark pillow.

Me: Ha. Mak, good try. Come back again when you have other inventions that might be good.

Mak: Sure, Jason. Thank you.

Me: The world'd greatest inventor, Mak Asterborus everyone. Tampons that tell if you're pregnant or not. Hahahahaha. That is pretty funny, you have to admit.

Hahaha. Now for the pheature that is called for no particular reason...

In just one minute around the world, 4 Beatrix Potter books are sold, a termite queen lays up to 20 eggs, 64,583 selfies are taken by Android users, 83,300 people have sex, and about 7,150,000,000 human hearts will beat 500,500,000,000 times as their bodies create 858,282,240,000,000,000 new red blood cells.

You don't have to be British to laugh at this, but it will bloody well help.

I'm laughing just a little bit.

It was the meet-cute the world was waiting for. Two men known for their bizarre haircuts, ill-fitting suits, dynastic wealth, and presiding over the deaths of thousands of their own citizens met up at a swanky Singaporean hotel to discuss nukes. President Donald Trump met with the Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un in what has already become a propaganda sizzle reel for the authoritarian Kim regime. Once your eyes have adjusted to the fact that this is real life and not a live action remake of Team America: World Police, coat your stomach with Pepto Bismol and behold the most bonkers moments. 1. When Kim Jong Un made a Jim Halpert after Trump asked the photographers, "Getting a good picture, everybody, so we look nice and handsome and thin and perfect?" 2. When Trump showed Kim the interior of the "presidential limousine," which no, is not a euphemism. It's almost as cool as a truck. 3. When someone in Kim's entourage had to make sure a pen was safe for Kim to touch. 4. When Trump showed Kim Jong Un an absolutely bonkers FAKE MOVIE TRAILER complete with a Hollywood voiceover, pitching the story of "two men, two leaders, one destiny." Trump personally showed it to his new friend, and the White House played it before the president's press conference. “We had it made up," Trump said. "I showed it to him today, actually during the meeting, toward the end of the meeting and I think he loved it." 5. When Trump was noticeably friendlier towards a dictator than he was towards America's allies. 6. When Trump complimented Kim Jong Un as "talented" (his talents include killing people). 7. When Trump seemed to pitch Kim a Trump Tower Pyongyang. 8. When Trump said that they're starting denuclearization quickly, but also that it takes a long time, "scientifically." 9. When Trump said that they "ran out of time" to actually discuss dismantling missile launch sites. 10. When Trump insisted that the summit will be good for the approximately 200,000 people Kim has in labor camps, even though they never came up. 11. When Trump spoke very, very highly of the new bromance. 12. When Trump was reminded that Kim Jong Un is a dictator who runs labor camps, starves his people and assassinates members of his own family and said, "I'm given what I'm given, okay?" 13. When Trump said that the summit would not have happened had the Kim regime not tortured American college student Otto Warmbier to death.

The 82nd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Comedy legend and author Kip Addotta will be the guest on the Phile in a few weeks. Now for some...

Phact 1. The band blink-182 officially named their holding company Poo Poo Butt Inc. “We did it because it was the most immature, dumbest thing ever,” DeLonge said. “We thought it would be funny to have our accountants, managers, and attorneys having to say that over the phone every day.”

Phact 2. An 86-year-old wrote an upbeat review for her local paper about a new Olive Garden. She was mercilessly mocked by the Internet. Anthony Bourdain thought she had a valuable POV on small-town dining. So he published a book of her reviews.

Phact 3. Phyllis from “The Office” would pay bills and do Christmas shopping online from the office computers in the background.

Phact 4. Danny Trejo was addicted to heroin by age 12 and served time in San Quentin prison until he was 25. He’s now been over 70 films and has a brand of restaurants, bars, and donuts shops valued around $100 million. All his businesses hire what he calls “second chancers” like he was.

Phact 5. Raccoons in an experiment were able to open 11 of 13 locks in fewer than 10 tries and had no problems repeating the action when the locks were rearranged or turned upside down. They could also remember the solutions to tasks for 3 years.

This is so cool... today's pheatured guest is an is an instrumental rock guitarist and multi-instrumentalist. His latest album "What Happens Next" is available on iTunes, Spotify and Amazon. Please welcome to the Phile, the great... Joe Satriani.

Me: Hey, Joe, welcome to the Phile, sir. How are you? 

Joe: Very good today. Thanks for having me.

Me: I didn't know you were from Long Island, Joe. What part of the Island are you from?

Joe: Westbury, Long Island.

Me: I grew up in Port Jefferson, ever go out there?

Joe: Yeah, all the time. Great town.

Me: Cool! Let's talk about the documentary Beyond the Supernova first. How did this project start and tell us what it's about.

Joe: Yeah, it was in a film festival and was a fantastic weekend. These things take a long time and it was a year in the making. I invited my son ZZ to film some background footage that I thought would be an end of tour concert DVD. It was good moment for him as well to take a break from the work he was doing and just hang out with the crew, me and my wife and have some fun in Europe on tour. We started to catch some really interesting footage and as the months followed after that particular leg of the tour I started to feel like I didn't want to do a live concert DVD. I've done so many and they're extremely expensive and they don't really move in the marketplace like they used to. Even the biggest bands and artists out there sell very few and from the artists point of view it's a huge expense. I think I should be spending that on making another album instead of documenting old stuff. Plus everybody films every concert anyway so I know people go home and got their own stuff filmed on their phones. As we keep looking at this footage ZZ and I started to brain storm the idea that there was something else going on here that would make a much better film than us playing some greatest hits and some new songs. What he ended up was discovering there was this narrative that was coming out that had me coming to the end of a creative cycle and the then current release, the "Shockwave Supernova" album, which had it's own narrative of me facing up this alter ego that had been growing since my semi overnight success, and how I was trying to get rid of it. When I was making that album I revved up that whole observation and sort of fictionalized it in a way, almost like it was about an artist whose alter ego becomes so real it takes over the real personality and they sort of have a battle internally. A battle of wits. The real artist wins out and convinces the alter ego that they had to surrender. It was an interesting device to organize a big group of instrumentals that would have some kind of narrative thread.

Me: Were you surprised how the documentary turned out?

Joe: Yeah, I was a little surprised on how true what I had thought and that the artistic turmoil wasn't problem, it's what we call fun. It became obvious to ZZ that there was this turmoil going on and I was widening towards trying to shed or at least come to grips with that alter ego enough so I could move forward wit the new record and take another left turn with my career which is exciting. That became the narrative of the film.

Me: Did your son come up with the title, Joe?

Joe: Yeah, he came up with the title and this approach to capturing what really happens on tour 'cause he's been following us around since he was 4-years-old. The shows and comradery behind the scenes long with this external struggle that I carry with me while all this other stuff is happening.

Me: When you first saw the film what did you think?

Joe: I was so happy sitting in the audience at the theater listening to all the theater goers around me laughing and charring at the right moments in the film. They were really picking up the stuff in the heart and soul of the movie. It confirmed the fact that ZZ found the real story and brought that narrative out. It's not easy because we are not actors or anything, we're just a bunch of goofy musicians.

Me: You must be very proud of your son, Joe. I would be. So, was it awkward watching yourself on the screen?

Joe: Yes, extremely awkward. I don't like hearing the sound of my voice coming back at me and certainly the image is really hard to take. This goes back a year when ZZ started to show me the footage he was getting. I know he was wondering if I was going to let him show me like this. I looked at it and thought I can't put on an act on front of my own son so this is what it has to be, I have to let him get on film what he's actually seeing, and he's seeing the truth. I had to take a deep breath and say yep, that's me.

Me: Did you get used to it by now?

Joe: Yeah, I had 12 months to get used to it but its still a bit tough. I will tell you what was exciting in the film, walking on stage in little theater being interviewed by one the film festival journalists standing there with my son. I was nervous standing on stage without a guitar and without my band with me. It wasn't lost on me that was is captured in the film is this struggle of a really shy person that's got an extraverted side of him that I use to allow me to play music. When I don't have my guitar on I'm a fish out of water.

Me: Joe, that reminds me of my dad and his stage alter ego. At home he was always just dad or Dave and very shy and reserved, but on stage he was Lonesome Dave. Two very different people. Let's talk about your new album "What Happens Next," which is a great title. You recorded it with Glen Hughes and one of my favorite drummers from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Chad Smith who you work with Chickenfoot. How did you get to work with these guys on this album?

Joe: I think this goes back to the last two Chickenfoot shows that we did up in Lake Tahoe. They were the usual out of control Chickenfoot events. No rehearsal, everybody flies in from what they're doing, and we agree to try to be as awesome as possible for the fans. It's kind of a celebration of the idea of Chickenfoot more than it is a professional show. There's always cameras around and it's always a bit if a circus, but once we start playing there is a connection of the four of us that is really strong and I notice it right away. I remember thinking as I was on this last half of the Surfing the Shockwave tour the memory of those gigs as it happened right in the middle of the tour was really strong. I felt it like I walked away from a great party and my body still feels great, like I still have the party in me. I kept thinking I want that to continue somehow but I know Chickenfoot is one of the hardest bands to tie down and be organized. We can't be organized. It's part of our charm. I was thinking maybe this is what I'm trying to do next because I keep asking myself "what are you going to do next, Joe?" I was thinking of that's what I'm feeling the natural inclination is to relive that somehow but with new material. Maybe it's with Chad, maybe that's the thing. The last 3 albums had three different drummers on them, and I've been searching for something. Each time I made an album I felt very complete, like okay, I've done that with that group, now let me move on to the next. I just sort of sent a random text to Chad, I knew he was out in Europe with the Chili Peppers and I said, "How about this? You, me..." and it just popped in my head "Glen Hughes rock and soul, all instrumental, no weird time signatures, have lots of fun and make a rock record?" He sent me a positive response right away. "Yeah, let's do it it, let's figure out how and when." Then I had to reach out to Glen and ask him to do it. He was ready to do it right away at the drop of there hat. We had the Chili Pepper touring schedule, Black Country Communion and Glen's solo stuff to deal with. As it happened 2 weeks off from doing the tour in April I had to fly down to L.A. and record with those guys. It took a week because it was the time in 2017 I was going to get them in the same room together. Instead if waiting a few months I just had to make it happen right away. It added to the excitement of the sessions.

Me: Did you write the songs before hand or did you all write together when you were in the studio? 

Joe: No, I brought them material. I actually sent them all 12 songs that I recorded at home. The real work came when I returned from Singapore at the end of Surfing the Shockwave tour. I just got so busy. I literally took a day off to recover from the jet lag. I went into my little study and just started cranking out these pieces. I had tons of half songs written, I had a few that were completely written but not sure if they would fit the overall group but within a week I had to pull all that together and send them the demos so they could get prepared. They were also as I mentioned before in the middle of gigs.

Me: How did you write these songs, Joe? Did you write them with their styles in mind?

Joe: Yeah, I love the mental image of the actual band that I'm going to be recording with to help bring out special performances. If I had a song like "Energy" that leads off the new record to start to arrange it and I have a drummer whose very timid, I might think this isn't going to work with this. The arrangement of the song depends so much not only on the drummer but the bass player. All being super stars, with guitar bass and drums it just seems like everyone is going for it all at once. If I had a band that really didn't shine that way then I think I would definitely arrange the song so as not to expose that and try to being out what is their better attributes. The songs remains the song but my question begs the answer leads to the arrangement.

Me: What did you feel like in the studio with these guys? It must of been cool.

Joe: I felt like it came to cart blanche when it came to super high energy outrageous rockstar performances. Soul groove, which again Chad is one of those drummers that is equally super rock as he is super funky. He's the kind of guy that can create total mayhem on he drum kit. At the same time he realizes some songs need the deepest groove ever. He makes everything sound so human and natural. It's never over technical sounding. Although he has complete command of what he's doing he always make it sound like the drummer you want to hang out with. Glen is the same way. His singing voice, his musical heart and the way he plays bass they're all one. I never met a bass player like that before, where they're just completely unified in all aspects of musical being.

Me: Believe it or not I don't know a lot about Glen, Joe. I know he might be on the Phile soon. Is there anything you can tell me about him that's cool?

Joe: There's one little anecdote about Glen that's important... it's the first album he has done where he doesn't sing. He couldn't help himself, we'll be sitting there going over arrangements and he'd just be singing. He'd just be making up melody lines or answering my melody lines by harmonizing. All was great and there were many times I thought this should be a vocal record, we just need like a month to rewrite everything, I started jotting down everything he was scat singing, and I thought all these ideas are really great and I know he's not playing that because he doesn't want to crowd me. He was being respectful. So, I wrote them down and one afternoon we were just reviewing all the bass performance I would bring up that piece of paper and say, "Glen, you know the other day when we were doing the song you were singing this line in between my melody and I thought it was beautiful. "Can you play that?" He goes, "What did I sing?" I sang the line to him and he just played it like instantly and it sounded like his voice, just on the bass guitar. So freaky. So we decided we got to record all this stuff. I thought he was amused we had him record all his vocal tidbits. We said go crazy, go Glen Hughes over the whole thing. That was fun, and I would never have done that with other musicians.

Me: You should of had him sing and call the band Chickensoup, Okay, so, tell me about this G3 tour thing. You've been doing these tours for a long time. Are these tours fun to do?

Joe: Physically they're a lot less strenuous because I'm not required to be on stage for 2 and half hours, which has always been the most difficult part of those shows, I just have to play so much guitar every night. The G3 shows are just a little bit shorter and you'll be surprised, I shave 20 minutes off a show and my left band really appreciates it. We'll do 6 shows a week and we'll play 8 weeks straight. It piles up after awhile. That part is kind of cool. The other thing is we generally get to play cover songs on the G3 shows which we never do during the regular concerts. We really try to bring as much of my catalogue to the fans, that's what they like to hear. We don't get to celebrate by playing all those crazy cover songs we love to play. G3 is more of a celebration of the guitar, less about the career that's happening of the person at the moment. Which is liberating for all three of us. We get to relax a little bit. Once in awhile one of us will have an album that's coming out at the same time which is interesting. It moves around, I've done so many G3's only are times I had a new record. I get very excited each night that I'm going to show up and in some way like I know it's going to be Phil or John, I know they are going to do something on a random Tuesday night that's going to make my head turn. I'm going to go wow, I love that, I'm going to ask him how he did that when the shows over. That's just the kid in me that just wants to play the guitar better no matter what.

Me: I'm going to be interviewing Phil Collen tomorrow, Joe. I know him from Def Leppard obviously but nothing about his new band Delta Deep, or the man himself. What do you know about him?

Joe: I don't know Phil that well. I know he's an amazing player and a great human being and seems to really love music.

Me: Okay, so, I first discovered or heard about you when I saw the album "Surfing With the Alien" at Peaches record shop. That must of been like 30 years ago. Does it still surprise you that you are one of the first of that generation to make a living of doing instrumental music? I said it before here on the Phile I am not a big instrumental fan, but you are a legend, sir.

Joe: Yeah, it's amazing, not for a second do I take it for granted. I wake up every day just thinking wow. I'm still excited about making music for an art and that's exactly what everyone is letting me do. I've had great relationships with the two labels that I've dealt with. I've been with the Sony group for a very long time since late '95. They've been a great help to me because they've always come to the table asking what do I want to do, they want to help me do it and that's great. I always tried when I was just able to work on it on my own, and reach out when I needed help on getting things done. That's what big labels are great at. They're a group of talented people that have so much experience that if you have technical question someone at Legacy/Sony can answer your question. They also sit there and listen to me throw out crazy ideas.

Me: Has your career gone by quick? I've been working at Disney for 30 years and that went by quick.

Joe: There are times where it went agonizly slow and then there are moments where I say slow down, this is actual fun. The bad moments are always those technical moments where stuff goes wrong. No matter what business you're in stuff goes wrong. There's always problem solving every day that we all go through. Those tend to drag out the moments. I think when it comes to making the music I still really love everything about that. The traveling part that's when I sort of question my very existence. When I'm stuck on the tarmac somewhere like Russia or something... and I've been there for 4 hours. When I'm stuck in Mumbai and I got to get off the plane and stay in a hotel for 2 days. I don't have any luggage and I'm like why am I here? That kind of stuff just comes with the territory. I've always found salvation comes from the people around me. It's always the case where they are interesting people around me where I can share the experience with. That's all we got. We are only here for a very short amount of time, life is short and we are all in it together. It's during those moments where I feel it's important to reach out to whoever you are with, share the experience. It's not so bad.

Me: Joe, thanks so much for being on the Phile, I hope this was fun and you'll come back on the Phile. Take care, sir.

Joe: Great. Thank you so much.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Joe Satriani for a great interview. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Phil Collen from Deal Deep and... Def Leppard. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Have a great Father's Day.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker