Sunday, January 4, 2015

Pheaturing Steven James Wylie

What the hell? Hello, kids, and welcome to the Phile. What year is it? I bet you are wondering what happened on Thursday. Well, it's a long story, kids. The Phile is back today and after today will be on hiatus for a few weeks. Anyway, you don't need to hear about my woes, do you? You wanna to know what is going on in the news.  Here we go... 1/535th of the U.S. Congress's corruption problem was solved, when Michael Grimm... who represents New York State's 11th congressional district announced that he will resign from office, after pleading guilty to tax evasion. The state will soon hold a special election to pick up the political malfeasance where Grimm left off. Imagine how many crimes Michael Grimm will commit without a full time job.  The U.S. Central Intelligence Agency  publicly took responsibility for the rash of UFO sightings that began in the 1950s, tweeting "Reports of unusual activity in the skies in the '50s? It was us." What terrified civilians took for dangerous flying saucers were apparently nothing more than harmless U-2 spy planes secretly used by our government to bring the nation just up to the brink of global thermonuclear war. "UFO, FU!" said someone who just got anally probed by aliens and also loves palindromes. My dad was pretty good at coming up with palindromes. Apparently I am not.  Preternaturally beautiful 42 year old mother Sofia Vergara has reportedly accepted a marriage proposal from ridiculously well-built 38 year old actor Joe Manganiello. The "Modern Family" and "True Blood" actors will be wed in a ceremony, surrounded by their wealthy and attractive friends in a location where you cannot go, ugly. They plan to get cracking on a pack of chiseled, big-breasted wolf spawn as soon as possible.  Not long after giving birth to three cubs at the Jerusalem Biblical Zoo, a Sumatran tiger mother was discovered to have eaten her offspring, which is kind of another way of saying that Sumatran tigers are exactly as rare and endangered as they were a few weeks ago.  Pop singer Miley Cyrus is likely sighing with relief, following a weeks-long stretch during which her unadorned breasts failed to gain the attention of international media. After posting a photo of her boobs... along with the presumably encrypted message to fans, "Some lame ass deff gonna [golf hole flag] dat [smiling pile of feces] but fuckkkkkkk it" to Instagram, the image was predictably pulled down. And then everybody started talking about how it was pulled down, because that's a thing that people still talk about apparently. It's not daring for Miley Cyrus to "bare it all." Daring would be to dress up as a homely Amish lady and churn butter in an asexual manner.  Bill Cosby has reportedly hired a team of investigators to research the private lives of the growing number of women who are accusing him of having drugged and sexually assaulted them, in an effort to find information to use against them. "If you're going to say to the world that I did this to you, then the world needs to know, 'What kind of person are you? Who is this person that's saying it?'" an insider claims the once-beloved comedian told his legal team, presumably while petting a cat in the dark shadows of his underground lair. Bill Cosby has released a statement asking everyone to take the rape allegations with a grain of salt. And four muscle relaxers.  Well, it's 2015 and this year the new Star Wars movie is coming out and people are already lined up for it...

Do you kids like Batman? It seems his comics have changed since I was a kid.

Why does he have a gun there?  I have to show this ad, which is real, but I thought was kinda weird...

I do have to say she is cute. Alright, let's see who took the long dark nap...

Stuart Scott 
July 19th, 1965 — January 4th, 2015
Much, much cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Little Jimmy Dickens
December 19th, 1920 — January 2nd, 2015
It's pretty tough to beat "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose".

Mario Cuomo 
June 15th, 1932 — January 1st, 2015
Hamlet under the Hudson.

Edward Herrmann
July 21st, 1943 — December 31st, 2014
He was a GOD at sea. 

Luise Rainer 
January 12th, 1910 — December 30th, 2014
She was in a total of 9 Hollywood films, and won Oscars for best actress for two of them in consecutive years. Then she did nothing for 70 years, and died. What a ride!

Sometimes it boils down to the happiness that comes from watching a monkey slap Ben Stiller’s face.  Those moments alone, while not justifying the existence of this bland, innocuous family franchise, were pleasurable enough to absorb any pointless rage that might come from wondering too much about why these films have to keep cluttering multiplex screens.  And they could be worse, after al. Much worse. They could be set in some place far less worthy of attention than various important museums. Or they could leave their target viewing audience of children under 10 wondering why a person might bother ever going to a museum in the first place. Because it’s not like those kids are going to sit down with Frederick Wiseman’s "National Gallery" and get inspired to go look at a collection of Rembrandts. Why not place the action of a harmlessly bad series of family films at the Smithsonian, and trick the audience into thinking that the exhibits come alive at night, and indulge in the fantasy that some of those exhibits contain monkeys who will attack Ben Stiller? The plot remains (mostly) the same: dinosaur bones and wooly mammoths, Teddy Roosevelt (the late Robin Williams) and a cowboy (Owen Wilson), a Roman soldier (Steve Coogan) and some cavepeople (one of whom is Stiller, meeting his double and calling him “Dada”), all come alive at night and return to their respective static states at sunrise. There’s an ancient Egyptian tablet controlling this and that tablet is corroding quickly. Consequently, the magic will end soon and that means visitors will go back to being bored at museums. Stiller and crew travel to London’s British Museum in an attempt to stop this from happening. Ben Kingsley and Dick Van Dyke, Rebel Wilson and Downton Abbey’s Dan Stevens, Mickey Rooney and that monkey, each take their turns passing through the action and battling threats like giant multi-headed snakes and the destruction of Pompeii. Characters enter an M.C. Escher painting, they melt, they get chased by angry dinosaurs, Rebel Wilson falls for Stiller’s caveman, the monkey pees on Coogan.  It’s nothing special, but it's non-toxic, funnier, sweeter and more meaningful than the first two movies. Its production values are up to the minute, a seamlessness digital/not-digital visual experience. And its chaos produces no anxiety, the real world consequences of entering historical incidents bypassed entirely. That would frighten the kids, anyway. Instead, there are subplots about fathers and sons and, because this is the end... or least that's what we're being told... there are strange, sometimes poignant lessons in how to say goodbye to people you know aren’t really people at all, like when it was time for those kids to leave Frosty The Snowman behind after he melted. It's a fantasy socialization exercise for little ones, and one last opportunity to see that monkey give Stiller the business. No harm in that. From 1 to 10, I give this movie a 7.

Beats by Dr. Dre 
Beats by Dr. Dre is a headphone line that people are willing to spend $300 on because the music they're listening to with them was free.

If you spot the Mindphuck please let me know. Okay, well, it's Sunday, and Jeff was supposed to be on the Phile Thursday to talk about football but there was no Phile on Thursday so Jeff is here today. Go that?

Me: Hey, Jeff, welcome back to the Phile. Happy new year! How was your Christmas?

Jeff: It's always great to be back here on the Phile. My Christmas was good. I am looking for a fresh start in the new year, that's for sure.

Me: Me too. Okay, it's Wildcard week... I have some readers I'm sure who don't know what that means. Can you explain?

Jeff: Wildcard weekend is the first round of the playoffs. It's for the the teams that did not clinch a first round bye in the playoffs to face off.

Me: Okay, so, how many coaches were fired? Haha.

Jeff: The Jets, the Falcons and the Bears were the only ones to fire their coaches, while the 49ers coach resigned so he could go coach in college kids instead.

Me: Any other NFL news?

Jeff: There really isn't much news. A player got suspended for stomping his leg on Aaron Rodgers. It's not the first time he has stepped on people too. In other words he is not a very nice man. One of the Steelers got hurt so he will probably miss the first round of the playoffs as well.

Me: So, how did we do with the last pick a few weeks ago?

Jeff: As far as how we did in Week 16 (not this week, but the week before that) you gained some ground on me. Both our teams won, but I went 0-2 and you at least went 1-1. So as it stands I am in the lead by 8 points.

Me: Let's pick these Wildcard picks... I think the Panthers will beat the cardinals by 12, your Steelers will beat the Ravens by 6, the Colts will beat the Bengals by 13, the Cowboys will beat the Lions by 4. What do you say?

Jeff: I am agreeing on most of your picks, but not the spreads. I am going with Cardinals over Panthers by 7, Steelers by 3 over Ravens. The Colts will win by 10 over Bengals and Dallas by 10 over Detroit.

Me: Good job, Jeff. I will see you back on the Phile in a few weeks, my friend.

Jeff: Talk to you soon.

Okay, today's pheatured guest is a singer songwriter whose EP "Everything I Love" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Steven James Wylie.

Me: Hello, Steven, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Steven: I’m excellent! Thanks for asking. Honored to get to talk with you today.

Me: Okay, you're from Franklin, Tennessee... we were gonna move there a few years ago but never did. How is it living there?

Steven: Franklin is a wonderful place to live. Its a 200 plus year old town with loads of history. Its got a great vibe. We have definitely enjoyed living here.

Me: It's right outside of Nashville, so do you get to go to Nashville often?!

Steven: Honestly I don’t go up to Nashville that often. When family or friends come visit we always head up there and do the Broadway thing etc., but for the most part we enjoy the Franklin area. We’re a bit reclusive as we pursue our artistic endeavors here. By “we” I’m referring to my wife and I. She writes fantasy fiction as does our 4 year old daughter; however, we don’t always grasp what she is writing about. But like any good parent we’re sure it’s genius!

Me: Is that where you are originally from, Steven?

Steven: No, sir. I am from Spokane, Washington. It’s located right at the state line by Idaho. We’re the red headed step child of Washington state. Second largest city next to Seattle. Beautiful country in Eastern Washington. Wonderful place to live.

Me: So, you must of grew up listening to grunge a lot. What music do you listen to now?

Steven: Lots of grunge. Of course we don’t enjoy that label but it worked and sold a lot of stuff in the 90s, as we all know. I listen to a lot of ambient/post rock stuff right now. Bands like Hammock and the Album Leaf. I also am a big fan of Bon Iver. I also enjoy a variety of country artists but it kind of happens in binges for me.

Me: Your music is very country sounding, and I can picture Keith Urban singing your songs. Do you agree?

Steven: Man, I wish he’d sing some of my songs! HA! Seriously though, I think he could definitely sing some of them. I’m a huge fan of his. His story and hard work have inspired me a great deal.

Me: Okay, let's talk about your life... 2009 was a pretty shitty year for you, right?

Steven: It was the culmination of a few shitty years to be precise. Yeah, it was rough.

Me: What happened in that year, Steven?

Steven: At that point in 2009, we were firmly set up in my parents basement, as we were going to lose our house and were filing for bankruptcy. Super neat. One of the hardest experiences I’ve ever been through and yet I’m really grateful for it. It brought us to where we are today.

Me: After that you started to write music and play... were you a musician before that?

Steven: I had been writing and playing in bands since my church days as a teenager. So it was more of a rebirth in that dark season for me to begin to feel inspired about music again. Music was something I had kind of buried alive over and over hoping it would die but it just kept coming back demanding its rightful place in my life. I finally decided to listen.

Me: How is your daughter and wife now?

Steven: They are amazing. My wife Morgan Wylie has published two fantasy fiction novels in the last year with another on the way. My daughter is beautiful, brilliant and growing way too fast before my eyes. I’m a very lucky man.

Me: Steven, how long have you been playing guitar?

Steven: I’ve been playing guitar for about 15 years or more now. Which is a huge indictment on my playing because I’m terrible. HA! Thank God for studio musicians. Seriously though, I may not be terrible but I definitely would never call my self a guitar player. I do what I have to, to get by. 

Me: You have two projects out, your solo EP "Everything I Love" and your band Red Cabin has an album. How different is Red Cabin's music to your solo stuff?

Steven: Red Cabin is very alternative and ambient in its focus. It’s got a cinematic vibe to it. Lots of delay and reverb. Less vocal structure, if there are vocals at all. It’s a pretty artsy affair. I’m working on the first full length record now. I’m diggin’ the vibe so far. It’s gonna be cool.

Me: Who is in Red Cabin with you?

Steven: Honestly it’s mostly just me. Kind of an alter ego of sorts since it is so different from my solo stuff. I am, however, enjoying the creative contributions of my friend Sean Spence from Blue Grotto Sound here in Brentwood. He will deserve credit for his work on this project. It’s been a blast to work with him at his studio. It’s a world class place.

Me: Alright, let's talk about your EP "Everything I Love." What do you love?

Steven: I love my family, friends, and the simple experiences of this gift of existence I’ve been given. I love to create things. I love to tell stories.

Me: How long did it take you to write those songs, Steven? They are definitely songs written from the heart.

Steven: Most of that project was written between 2009 and 2010.

Me: What does your wife think of your music?

Steven: She wishes I had been a lawyer... I’m kidding of course. She is a huge fan and likewise I’m a huge fan of her work. I’m very lucky.

Me: Do you find it easy to write a song?

Steven: I do if I have the right music inspiring me. Otherwise, I honestly don’t even think about writing songs until I feel compelled to write one. It seems to happen in seasons. Right now I haven’t written a thing in months. It comes and goes. I’ve learned to just roll with it.

Me: I'm a songwriter as well, but I don't find it easy at all. What was your first song you wrote?

Steven: "The Hotchie Botch." I don’t know what it was about, but I think it was suppose to be a dance of some kind. I was twelve.

Me: You are currently working on other CD's as well, right? With your band or solo stuff?

Steven: Both. I’m working on the Red Cabin stuff that I talked about earlier and I have a solo project half done called “Acoustics of Sorrow” as well. Excited for both. Not sure of the time line on either for release though.

Me: Will it be country sounding as well?

Steven: Not really. Maybe in the Neil Young sense with some pedal steel in there a bit. It will really be more of an acoustic alt rock deal than anything country. A bit folky as well.

Me: Okay, on the EP you do a song with a singer named Christine Dente. How did you meet her and ask her if she wanted to be on the song?

Steven: Her husband Scott played all the acoustic guitars on my record. I’m an Out Of The Grey fan, which was her and Scott’s band in the 90s. After meeting Scott I asked if she would be willing to sing on that song and was very honored that she said yes.

Me: Do you think she'll want to be interviewed on the Phile?

Steven: Not sure. They aren’t really doing the artist thing all that much these days. No harm in asking though.

Me: Also, I have to mention your wife again... Morgan is a fantasy/ paranormal author. That's really cool, Steven. Do you read her books?

Steven: I help revise and edit in the early stages on her books. I’ve read them a few times each before they get to the final editor. It’s one of the things I love most about our life is being able to work with her on the book stuff.

Me: So, on the Phile I have a Book Club and wondered if Morgan would like her latest book pheatured and to be interviewed here as well. Whatcha think?

Steven: For certain! Let's get it set up.

Me: One of the projects you did was write music for her novel. That's an odd idea, but I like it. Was that her idea or yours, Steven?

Steven: Mine. I was just trying to add content. I think it’s unique and unusual. I figure even if it doesn’t shock the book world we still get to make cool music people might find and enjoy anyway.

Me: Is she a musician as well?

Steven: Nope.

Me: Haha. Okay. So, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Here we go... In which activity would you like a lesson from an expert?

Steven: Meditation. I would love to talk to someone who could help me along with that discipline.

Me: Steven, thanks for being on the Phile. Please plug your website and anything else you want to. Plug Morgan's stuff as well if you want.

Steven: Thanks so much again for having me on the Phile. Please check out my music and links at and my wife’s books at You can hit us up on Twitter and Facebook from the links on our sites as well.

Me: Please come back again and ask Morgan if she'd like to be on the Phile. All the best.

Steven: I will for sure. I’m sure she’d love to be on the Phile. Let's lock in whatever works best for you.

Me: Thanks, Steven.

There, that about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Jeff Trelewicz and Steven James Wylie. Okay, so, the Phile is taking a few weeks off so I can work on some personal stuff but it should be back at the end of the month. Fingers crossed. Spread the word, not the turd, don't let snakes and alligators bite you, bye love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Monday, December 29, 2014

Pheaturing Painted On Water

Hey there, good morning. How are you? It's Monday, people. Welcome to the Phile. This is the last entry of 2014. Not too bad considering back in February I thought the Phile ended. Thank God for Apple. Talking about Apple...  Apple CEO Tim Cook announced... through a statement with the company's senior vice president of operations Jeff Williams that he is "deeply offended" by allegations made by British journalists that Apple's factory workers in China are subjected to the kinds of deplorable conditions that British journalists have shown Apple's factory workers in China to be subjected to. This just in... Dinosaur embryos found in China... working in an Apple factory.  After watching a water bottle inflate and then deflate due to the fluctuating air pressure conditions during an airplane flight, a Danish physician discovered why airline passengers need to fart so often. Essentially, your digestive tract works much like his water bottle, and while high in the air, your bodily gases need to escape. So, it exits your bodies through your butt and into the recirculated air of the cabin. Just like it does for everybody else on your flight. Have a safe trip.  Amy Adams' scheduled appearance on NBC's very serious news show "Today" to promote her new film was cancelled after she reportedly stated that she was not comfortable answering questions about the recent Sony hack that she did not participate in and was just barely affected by. "As a news program, the "Today" show doesn't allow guests to put restrictions on interviews. In this case, after hours of discussion we felt uncomfortable with the demands being made, and we determined the best course of action for all parties involved was to cancel the interview," a spokesperson for the show explained to the Hollywood Reporter, presumably while struggling to stifle an embarrassed laugh. I'm going to the movies today, I wonder if Amy is in it. Despite the mountain of human rights violations, war atrocities and Dwight Johnson movies that slam us in the face every time we glance briefly at the news, the world is actually experiencing a level of serenity and non-violence never before experienced in human history, according to Harvard Psychology professor Steven Pinker and Human Security Report Project Director Andrew Mack. A "greater majority of humanity lives in peace and dies of old age" while "our impression of the world comes from a misleading formula of journalistic narration," they posit in an article for Slate. So, are they saying things could actually be worse? "The world is terrible" is pretty much the meta-narrative. Alright, so do you guys like the "Walking Dead"? Did you see the new McDonald's Happy Meal that's coming out?

Haha. I don't know if this is real or not.  Remember a few months ago that Kim Kardashian naked cover on Paper magazine? Well, someone else did a similar cover for Dictator magazine. Yeah, you know where this is going...

Did you know that there was gonna be an Avengers movie back in the 80s? Here's proof, kids.

I would of loved to see that movie.  I was at Target the other day and I couldn't believe their new ad...

There's no hyphen in Walmart, Target. Not anymore. Sheesh. Alright, now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is another...

Top Phive Things, I, 2014 Could Never Do Without
5. Endlessly replicating Ice Bucket Challenge videos.
4. Endlessly replicating ISIS beheading videos.
3. This Malaysian Airlines commercial jet that I've hidden away and am keeping all to myself because it's mine mine mine.
2. My collection of hacked celebrity nudes and occasionally interesting but largely tedious Sony Pictures inter-office mail.
And the number one thing 2014 could never do without is...
1. That new Taylor Swift record. So many sick jams!

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know, kids.

Time Person of the Year 
Time's Person of the Year is a distinction Barack Obama and Hitler actually have in common.

Today's guests are a music duo from Chicago whose new EP "Chicago Issue" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Sertab Erener and Demir Demirkan.

Me: Hello, you two, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Demir: We are fine, thanks, trying to get used to the Chicago winter. How are you doing?

Me: I'm okay I guess. So, I have to ask a few things... those don't sound like American names, Demir and Sertab. Where are you two from?

Demir: We are both from Turkey.

Sertab: From Istanbul.

Demir: I was born in Adana and raised in Izmir and Ankara. 

Me: Do those names have a meaning?

Demir: Yes. Unlike what Bruce Willis says in Pulp Fiction, our names have meanings :)

Sertab: My name is Persian. Ser means head and tab means light or sun making it up to something I can translate as enlightened mind.

Demir: Mine is a lot more prosaic. It simply means iron, you know the metal? Together with my last name it means Iron Ironblood. Heavy metal!

Me: You're based in Chicago now, right?

Demir: Yes. From time to time we go back to Turkey for some shows and to see family and friends. 

Me: When did you first come over to America and how did you choose Chicago?

Demir: Three of my brothers live in the States with their families and they've been here since late 70s and early 80s. My first visit to America was when I was 5. Then I came to visit my brothers occasionally, but the main move was after college in 1992. I lived in Los Angeles for 4 years and then some Istanbul, then NYC, then here, Chicago.

Sertab: I came to Cleveland to have a surgery in 1993. Then I had to came back a few more times for controls. In 2007, we were in Los Angels and NYC for Painted On Water's first album. We lived in NYC for about 2 years on and off. Now it's Chicago.

Me: Chicago is a great city, isn't it?

Sertab: Yes, it's a beautiful city. Most of all people are friendly and great, and life is easy, I mean not chaotic like Manhattan. It's the 3rd largest city in the U.S. and we can find everything here from TV to movie and to music industry. It's all great but we have to get used to the cold.

Demir: Well, I was born in a city on the Eastern Mediterranean shore, where there is no snow. You can guess what I'll say. Other than that I love this city and I always joke about activating my northern genes from my mother's side. She is of Ukrainian descent.

Me: So, I have to ask... are you two a couple?

Sertab: Yes, we've been together since 1996.

Me: Demir, you have a giant tattoo on your arm that practically goes to your neck. What is it?

Demir: IT started on my shoulder as a tattoo that I designed. It has a few elements of my spiritual background stylized and turned into a tattoo. And you know ink is an addictive thing, I felt like it needed something under it, then I thought it needs to bee seen when I'm dressed up so a part of it shows from my neck. It also expands to my shoulder blade.

Me: Do you have any more?

Demir: Yes, I have a tattoo on the back of my head.

Me: What about you, Sertab? Do you have any tattoos?

Sertab: No. I gave it a lot of thought but I get bored real easily. I figured I wouldn't be able to wear it all my life. I like it on other people though.

Me: Okay, let's talk about your band Painted On Water. Where does the name come from?

Demir: I know it's not a very common phrase. The name of our band is taken from an ancient eastern art called ebru where artists literally draw pictures on treated water. Then they lay a sheet of paper on it and get the picture printed on it. It is also sometimes called marbling. But it has a deeper, a more profound meaning to us. It suggests the impermanence of life. Whatever you draw on water, does not matter how pretty or important or meaningful at that time, will be gone for sure. It's just like everything in life. Everything created will somehow seize to exist at some point in time. Meanwhile we try our best to draw the most beautiful picture of ourselves on this canvas of life. That's what it means.

Me: Which one of you came up with it?

Demir: It was suggested by a friend of ours when we were talking about all these things. He suggested Ebru but it's actually a female name in Turkish so we turned it into the phrase Painted On Water.

Me: How long have you two been a band, playing together?

Demir: Painted On Water was formed in 2007 but we've been collaborating since 1996. I produced Sertab's 4 albums and some of her singles. We wrote countless songs together and performed together on stage. We both have our solo careers but we love to be together on stage, That's why we wanted to form this band.

Me: Where did you two meet?

Sertab: In Istanbul. Demir came to my home when I was sick and it was not like a romantic movie scene or anything. I had the flu and we met each other at the door and that was that. Then we became friends, friendship leading into romance.

Me: Your music has been described as jazz, rock, electronica, and Turkish folk music. What is the difference with Turkish folk music and regular folk music?

Demir: Well, the first album has more jazz in it. We worked with some world class jazz musicians like Dave Weckl, Alan Pasqua, Mike Stern, Al Dimeola, Trilok Gurtu and Kai Eckhart. I adapted some Turkish folk songs into modern harmony and modern western instruments. It was a project on its own and we had a great time making it and playing it on stage. Now, the new stuff has more electronics and rock in it because I though our time to mess with jazz has not arrived, yet. We want louder music with newer sounds that's why I'm messing around with a lot of synth and things. I am a composer and a producer by nature and the sound possibilities these software and hardware provide is limitless. I am kid in a toy store.

Sertab: The folk music principle does not change but every people has their own understanding of story telling and music. There are countless folk musics in the world. Folk music is composed by mostly unknown composers of every other culture. Now we call it folk music because we take it as a genre, and we call non-American folk music as world music.

Demir: Basically American folk is a mix-down of many European and African folk music. Turkish folk, I guess I can say is a mix-down of many middle eastern, Arabic, Turkic and Eastern European traditions.

Me: What bands or musicians are you two into or inspired by?

Sertab: Alan Parsons Project, Barbra Streisand, Kiri Te Kanawa, Muse, Sting.

Demir: Lots of blues and country music like Grayson Capps, Buddy Guy, Eric Clapton, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Eric Bibb, JJ Cale, also David Gilmour, David Coverdale, some singer songwriters like Paul Simon, John Mayer. My guitar playing is influenced by David Gilmour, Steve Vai, Eric Clapton and Frank Gambale.

Me: I downloaded your EP "Chicago Issue", and like the cover... it looks like a magazine cover, and for a minute I thought it was. Which one of you came up with that idea, it's brilliant. I wish I would of thought about it for my 'band' Strawberry Blondes Forever.

Demir: That was the idea, to make it like magazine cover. Our publicist at the time suggested we use our photos on the cover. We figured it's a bit assertive so we want to put it into a concept. You know, fashion magazines feature chick, glamour and style, so we thought it would be a good idea to explicitly make it into a magazine cover. I think we both came up with it while discussing how to implement our photos onto the cover. Your band's name is very cool by the way!

Me: Thanks. So, is there a Chicago issue? Where did the name come from?

Demir: The name of the EP has two meanings. Well, first one is the issue of moving house here to Chicago and everything that we have to go through. It's a huge project to setup home from zero in a different city in a different country. We're getting used to by now because we've done it enough times. And the second meaning of the EP title is the Chicago issue of the magazine. The cover is a magazine cover and magazines have different issues for different cities or countries. This one is the Chicago issue because we made it and released it here.

Me: I have to ask you about the single "Why Do You Love Me". It's lyrics are taken from Shakespeare, am I right?

Sertab: Yes, correct.

Me: How did you come up with that idea?

Sertab: We thought Shakespeare said the best words about love and we did not want to come up with new ones but use his. We had to switch around the point of view though because the words are said by a woman who has to listen to a man telling her all about how much he loves her but shows nothing for it.

Demir: I was an English Literature major in college. I also took American literature as well and still am into both English and American lit. If we were to quote words of love and make it sound like cliches, why not the Bard himself. I don't mean he is cliche, I mean his words are used too many times and why not once more by us.

Me: So, have you two been playing lots of shows in America?

Sertab: We've played over 20 shows and travelled 17 states to promote our previous single "Love" on morning TV Shows.

Me: What is a typical Painted On Water show like?

Sertab: Sweat, fun, Rock and Roll, big ballads, two singers with some Turkish spice on it.

Demir: Couldn't have said better. Technically we are three people on stage, playing loud electronic modern rock and alternative music. There are also some of our Turkish hits from our solo careers.

Me: Your new EP, how can you compare that to the first EP?

Demir: It gets better in every album. It is a long journey to find the bands unique sound and solidify the message. New songs have more depth to them musically and our lyric writing is getting more intact. Also, I am singing 3 three songs on this one.

Me: Do both of you do the songwriting?

Demir: Yes. We write and re-write and re-write and re-... you get the idea... together, both lyrics and music.

Me: Demir,  how long have you been playing?

Demir: I have been playing guitar since I was 13 or 14.

Me: Sertab, do you play an instrument?

Sertab: Yes, piano.

Me: Do you find it easy in singing in English?

Sertab: Not really, but I have improved a lot since the first day. I always have a vocal and accent coach in the studio and also taking 3 English lessons every week.

Demir: I am good, at least I'd like to think so. I mean I do have an accent but instead of trying to cover it, I'd rather concentrate on conveying the feeling and the message.

Me: Okay, so, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Are you ready? Shit, honestly, this is random, but funny... If you could have another name what would you choose?

Sertab: It's not easy, man.. Demir has some for himself. I am very happy with my name. It's such a unique name and I love the meaning of it.

Demir: Well, let's see.. Seth, D. Walker, Mirkhan are a few but I keep hanging on to Demir. I think it'll be just that and sounds cool together with my last name Demirkan.

Me: Alright, you two, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Mention your website and please come back again soon. All the best. How do you say bye in Turkish? 

Demir: Hoşçakal... pronounced hosh-cha-khall and means stay well. Visit our website: and connect with us on:,   Thanks very much for having us on Phile, and see you at the shows!!!

There. That about wraps up another entry and the year of Phile's. Not bad considering from February through July the Phile was on hiatus. Anyway, thanks to my guests Demir and Sertab from Painted On Water, and to everyone who helped and was on the Phile this year. The Phile will be back on Thursday, which is January 1st with singer songwriter Steven James Wylie. Then next Sunday it's Matt Borck from the band YUCA and next Monday it's jazz musicians Connie Crothers and Jessica Jones. So, spread the word and not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Pheaturing Amy Paffrath From "Dating Naked"

Hi there, and welcome to the Phile, kids. How are you? How was your Christmas?  This might be old news but in an attempt to prove to the world how reasonable it is, North Korea has kindly offered to help the U.S. get to the bottom of this whole Sony hacker mess. If, however, Barack Obama's evil capitalist empire doesn't want the assistance, it will face Kim Jong-un's righteous and terrible wrath. "If the U.S. refuses to accept our proposal for a joint investigation and continues to talk about some kind of response by dragging us into the case, it must remember there will be grave consequences," a North Korean spokesperson declared. That's actually moderately reasonable by North Korean standards. It's a good thing this North Korea thing didn't happen while George W. Bush was in charge 'cause we'd be invading Japan right now.  An Argentinian court stopped just short of calling a captive orangutan a human, declaring the 29 year old primate a "non-human person" while accorded her certain basic rights, such as the right to not spend the remainder of her life locked up in a zoo like some filthy animal. It will henceforth be transferred to a sanctuary, where she will live out the rest of her days in a more comfortable form of imprisonment. I feel like I know a surprising amount of "non-human" persons. Haha.  Conservationist efforts to bolster the world's beaver population after they were close to extinction a century ago may have had an indirect link to global warming, according to some recently published scientific research. Apparently, the ponds that form around their dams result in large quantities of methane gas being released into the atmosphere, which contributes to climate change. Expect a spokesperson from a beaver think tank to show up on Fox News any day now to explain why global warming is a hoax. Beavers are the delinquent teenagers of the forest. They just throw stuff into a stream. Forever. Until there's a lake.  So, apparently, all that jazz about carrots improving our eyesight was all just one big, disgusting hoax, concocted by the British government during World War II to hide the fact that their airmen were using radar to locate their targets. I wish my mum was alive so I could call her and tell her how full of shit she was all those years!  Did you guy's see the Hobbit movie? Well, despite lackluster reviews and easily recalled memories of the disappointments that were the previous two Hobbit films, moviegoers turned out in droves to watch a bunch of computer-generated orcs fight unconvincingly with a bunch of digitally-reouched dwarves and elves for more hours than you can possibly image. Peter Jackson's The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies easily won last weekend's box office and took in $90.6 million since its opening last Wednesday.  If you're some stupid kid in Italy, you might not notice that this is not a panda.

But the cops noticed. Even though these crafty Italians did an excellent fur-dye-job on these Chow dogs, I'm pretty sure you can't just run around with endangered species all the time. Especially not the cute ones. Pandas are only to either miraculously exist in the wild, or be paid for by zoos and then forced to procreate for our entertainment. And that's it! No circuses. According to The Local, the proprietors of the faux panda circus are being brought up on charges of cheating its customers, and also for falsifying the dog's passports. I didn't know dogs got passports. The Italian papers got hold of this story and Tweeted this great picture of the dogs walking around groomed as the rare bears.

The dogs have been confiscated and found to have "watery eyes" from having so many pictures taken.  You know that annoying song "Turn Down For What"? Well, I think I know where Lil John got that title of the song from. One of my favorite children's books when I was a kid...

I have a question... what's a molly?  A Phile reader sent me a picture of this sign...

I do not understand it, do you? Y'know, for awhile I thought crossfit was something to do with sewing.  You know that droid BB-8 from the Star Wars trailer? Well, I was trying to figure out where I saw it before and then I remembered...

Haha. Speaking of the Star Wars trailer, some new Star Wars character names were just revealed on vintage-style trading cards. I have been showing them here on the Phile in case you haven't seen them, and I have the last one to show you here...

Oh! That's what that ship is called! I've been wondering that for years! Okay, and now from the home office in Port Jefferson, here is this week's...

Top Phive Least Popular Google Searches Of 2014
5. How to potty train a squirrel.
4. Philadelphia 76ers tickets.
3. Afghani feng shui.
2. Cosby dating advice.
And the number one least popular Google search of 2014 was...
1. Peverett Phile.

This is an easy one I think. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, I have to mention a few things before I continue. I don't know if you recall but last year on the Phile I had a pheature called The Peverett Phile Hall of Phame where friend of the Phile Joe Ramsey wrote for. Anyway, I'm asking you to please keep Joe in your thoughts and prayers... he is in the hospital in your thoughts. He is in critical care at the hospital following a recent stroke. The other thing I want to say as in the last entry when I interviewed Tommy Henriksen and we talked about Orianthi and how I want to interview her. Well, I had some emails asking me who she was so I have to show you a picture of her.

Now I say Google her, kid's. Alright, guess what time it is? He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man and here is here with a special message for the end of the year...

Good morning, humans. Don't wait to say what needs to be said. Making peace with someone important to you shouldn't wait until after they have passed on. There's nothing that makes the death of a loved one worse than regret over what should have been communicated while they were still alive. The last words I spoke to my real mother were nearly 30 years ago and they weren't pleasant. She's still alive and down in God's waiting room (Florida) with the rest of the relics. Fact is, she was a completely reprehensible human being and I owe her nine months rent for her womb... and nothing else. I have made peace with this and have forgiven her. Not so much for her... but for myself. The scars I carry on my heart, mind and soul are a constant reminder to love all, protect the weak and never give up. All that I am, I owe to the lessons that pain had taught me. I don't hate her... I forgive her. I have to. Trying to make your way through life carrying around all that anger and rage is like trying to swim with an anchor around your neck. I understand a great many things since arriving in your world. My father was an Arc Angel, my mother was a Demon. It made me who and what I am... what I needed to be. To sum up... pick up the phone. Make peace with a loved one before it's too late. Words unspoken have the loudest and most lasting echoes...

The final chapter of the nearly 8-hour Hobbit event arrives at the finish line, huffing and puffing, a digital pile-up of fighting, wreckage and noise. Does that sound like a bad thing? It's not. Well, not exactly.  The dwarves have Smaug’s (the voice of Benedict Cumberbatch) gold now, killed the beast, and returned to Erebor, their ancestral rights attained. Of course, it was never really Smaug’s gold; the destructive dragon was just hoarding it. And here, as we’ve learned already from that greedy monster and from Gollum in the Lord of The Rings trilogy, is the point of all that: wealth is toxic; it destroys your soul. And now that it’s in the hands of the good guys, they’re about to find out how ruinous it gets.  Specifically, the hypnotic death-pull of immense wealth tortures the mind of the otherwise mostly reasonable Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage), whose will to resist the evil power of the pretty coins dissipates into thin air. The rest of the dwarves know that some of the gold must be distributed to the displaced, Smaug-wrecked people of Lake-town, but Thorin grows increasingly dark-minded and paranoid, inviting war from all sides. Bilbo (Martin Freeman, here relegated to the status of key supporting player) sees this and works against plan, until eventually all armies from from all sides of this fantasy universe show up to battle for their share. And by “their share” I mean all of it.  Fighting begins. Fighting continues. And keeps on going. And going. And going. Nearly the entire second half of this two and half hour send-off (a welcome shaving down from the nearly 3-hour running times of the first two films) is consumed by chaotic battle scenes. This is a fine state of Hobbit affairs for a couple of reasons: it streamlines what had been a fairly digressive narrative, one that knit together plotlines and characters with competing agendas, sometimes to patience-straining effect; and it's fighting, which is inherently valuable.  This mega-brawl, in true Peter Jackson fashion, is also a mega-sprawl, as the director scales up and expands scope for an atmosphere of enormous, staggering violence. Fighters come from all sides and every angle. And there are orcs, meaner than ever, howling for the slaughter of children and the releasing of monstrous “war beasts.” It’s okay if you find yourself rooting for them, if only because they seem to be the most committed to mayhem... and be honest, that’s really what any adrenaline addict truly desires from movie war. Stabbing swords and brutal beheadings were always the implied payoff.  If it all feels like something of an anti-climax, then, it may be because we've already witnessed a lot of this in the previous two films and the (better, more emotionally resonant and meaningful) three before those, not to mention all the other fantasy-based, action adventures in their wake, the ones that attempted to steal and re-hash every move, to lesser effect and deadening sameness. Jackson is the current reigning master of this sort of thing, though. He's proven that over and over. And he's wrapped up this one neatly, in a big shiny pixel-bow. Maybe now he'll direct that intimate, two-person drama nobody asked him for. It'd be a nice change of pace, if nothing else. From 1 to 10 I give The Hobbit: Battle Of The Five Armies an 8.

Joe Cocker 
May 20th, 1944 — December 22nd, 2014
Up where he belongs.

Okay, today's pheatured guest is a director, actress, comedienne and host of "Dating Naked" on VH1. Please welcome to the Phile... Amy Paffrath.

Me: Hello, Amy, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Amy: I'm wonderful thanks!

Me: Amy, I have interviewed some god looking musicians, artists and actresses on the Phile but you I have to say, are one of the most good looking. Were you a good looking kid?

Amy: Ha! Well thanks for the complement! That's very kind of you to say. I mean, I look at pictures from when I was young and yeah, I'm a pretty cute kid!

Me: Where are you from originally, Amy?

Amy: I grew up in Ferguson, Missouri. Which, I'm sure you've heard a lot about lately. It's a suburb outside of St. Louis.

Me: You live in Los Angeles now, right? Did you move out there to be an actress?

Amy: I do! I did!

Me: I have seen your work in so many places, you are everywhere, but I mostly know you as he host of "Dating Naked" on VH1, which we'll talk about in a minute. But, you're the Amy in the Kindle Mayday Button commercial's. I knew I recognized you.I have to show a screenshot of one the commercial's...

Me: How many of those commercials did you do?

Amy: Those were a lot of fun! I ended up shooting 7 total. There were 3 original spots then we did some crossover ads with the NFL and NBA which was really cool.

Me: Was it a coincidence they used your name or was that already in the script?

Amy: We filmed it two ways. It was written as Maya, but they asked me to say Amy too. I was as surprised as everyone when I saw it for the first time and they used my real name. That's rare!

Me: Also, I imagine that was an easy shoot for you. You just sat and talked? Did you even have to learn your lines?

Amy: Quite the opposite actually! They were long nearly 12 hour days. I shot with the other actor, Jay Hayden so that the chemistry would be real. It was 3 long days of me on green screen while Jay was in the next room pretending to see me on the screen! We had a great time but yes it was harder than it looked. I also ended up reshooting all of my parts because the producers wanted more purple streaks in my hair. It's a fun subtle thing that some people don't even notice. But it was very important to the character of Mayday Amy.

Me: You have been in so many projects, Amy. What was your first and what was your favorite?

Amy: My first EVER was a training video for Wherenburg employees in St. Louis. I thought that would make me locally famous. It didn't. My first real project in L.A. was a film called Dinner at 8. It was shot on 35mm and it turned out so beautiful. I'm very proud of it. I had no idea what I was doing. I learned as I went and came from a very honest place. I'd say that's my favorite, but shooting my episode of "Hot in Cleveland" was pretty special. I got to act with Betty White, Heather Locklear, Regis Philbin, Wendy Malick, Valerie Burtinelli and Jane Leeves. They're all comedic icons. I was the only non name on set that day.

Me: Did you always wanna be an actress growing up?

Amy: I did. But I was also very interested in journalism.

Me: Did you go to school to study acting?

Amy: I did not. I studied broadcast journalism at the Universtiy of Missouri which has served me well in acting and hosting.

Me: You not only act, but you also are a host working for VH1, "Entertainment Tonight" and other shows. Which came first, acting or hosting?

Amy: Professionally hosting took off before acting but it wasn't long until it evened out. I like to do both and right now I'm getting to do a lot of each. I'm happy.

Me: And you did stand up comedy? How was that? How many times have you done stand up? I did stand up back in the 90s.

Amy: That's awesome! Stand up is amazing. I love it and am dying to get back into it. It's such a grind and I really admire the commitment that comics have. I have done about 15 shows. I'm due for another.

Me: Okay, let's talk about "Dating Naked." Man, if that show was in Europe they wouldn't blur out anything. It's on cable and they blur everything out. Anyway, did you audition for the show or did they approach you?

Amy: I had met with the production company prior for a general meeting. Then when the show was green lit they had me come back in and read. Then I met with everyone at VH1 and we were off to make a show!

Me: When you first heard the concept what did you think?

Amy: I was surprised that a network was ballsy enough (pun intended) to put a show like this on the air. "Naked and Afraid" works! So why not "Dating Naked"? I think its genius.

Me: Okay, for the readers that don't know what the show is about, wanna tell them?

Amy: It's pretty much what the title suggests. Singles looking for love bare all on naked dates. They are not only baring their bodies, but also their souls. It's a vulnerable experience meant to strip away barriers.

Me: How long does it take you to film a season, Amy? 

Amy: We shot the first season over about 7 weeks.

Me: On the show you are around a lot of naked people. Did that make you feel uncomfortable at first?

Amy: No. I grew up in a house with 7 kids and one bathroom. I'm used to bodies being in various states of undress. If you don't sexualize it, its really not weird at all.

Me: I saw one picture of you laying on a bed with an open shirt, but you're not naked.I have to show it here...

Me: Have you ever been offered a part where you would have to be naked? Would you do it?

Amy: I have not. I am not opposed to it. It definitely has to serve the story though.

Me: I watched your acting reels and your part on "Sullivan and Son", the sitcom on TBS made me laugh. You do comedy very well, is that your favorite genre of acting, or do you like to do series roles better?

Amy: I do love comedy. I think its where I do my best work so thank you for the complement. I've been through some tough situations in my life and laughter really is the best medicine. I love to provide that escape for an audience. Those same tough experiences give me a lot to work with emotionally so I do like to sink my teeth into a juicy drama every once in a while.

Me: Is there any show you have not been a part of that you would love to be on, Amy?

Amy: I LOVE "The Comeback" on HBO. I was a huge fan when it first aired 10 years ago and its so good now too. I worked with Michael Patrick King on "2 Broke Girls" so it's not too wild of a dream! I also love "Modern Family" and "Nashville". Would love to play Haley's boss or a crossover popstar on "Nashville".

Me: "Nashville" is one of my favorite shows! What is your favorite TV show you were on?

Amy: It's hard to pick a favorite. I was a huge "2 Broke Girls"/Whitney Cummings/Michael Patrick King fan before I was cast so that was pretty cool.

Me: You also were in movies... how is acting on movies different than being on a TV show?

Amy: It takes more time and you really get to dive into a character. TV shoots quickly so you have to figure out who you are and what you're doing fast. Movies you get a lot more time to develop that.

Me: I saw one video of you and you have a tattoo on your arm, Amy. What does it say?

Amy: It says "I don't shine if you don't shine." Its a lyric from the Killers song "Read My Mind". It's in Brandon Flowers' handwriting.

Me: That's cool. Do you have to cover it up all the time?

Amy: I wear long sleeves if an audition is more conservative. They did cover it for "Sullivan & Son".

Me: Amy, your hair changes color all the time. What color do you prefer your hair to be? You're a natural blonde, right?

Amy: I was blonde as a kid and started highlighting it in high school. Then my best friend went to cosmetology school so I became her guinea pig. I started hair modeling too and the stylists always wanted to dye my hair red. I really liked having the ability to change my attitude and demeanor just by changing my hair. Its fun to switch it up. I don't have a favorite. I love red but blonde is so fun. I may go dark next just to keep everyone guessing!

Me: So, are you married? If so, is your husband in the acting business as well?

Amy: I am! He's an actor and a musician. He's very talented. He is currently on tour with "Jersey Boys" and he's phenomenal in the show. Go see it if it comes to you city!

Me: So, what projects are you working on now, Amy? Any new movies you'll be in?

Amy: I have 2 movies coming out next year. Freshwater starting Joe Lando and Zoe Bell is debuting at Tribeca and Do Over co-starring my hubby will be out spring or summer. I'm very excited about both films. They are so different and I got to play two drastically different women.

Me: Oh, I have to ask about Tell Me Something Good. That's your new podcast, right? What do you do on the 'cast, Amy? What do you talk about?

Amy: I'm so glad you know about that! It's an idea I've had floating around for a while. I wanted to do a full half hour news show dedicated to positive news. That was too big of an undertaking so I started small with a podcast. Each week has a guest host and we talk about inspiring positive news stories. I also interview someone I find interesting or who is making a huge impact on the world. Its a passion project that feels good to put energy into it. You can't help but be happy when you're talking about good news all day!

Me: Maybe I can be a guest on it one day. Haha.

Amy: I'd love to have you a guest. We'll make that happen.

Me: Something else I have to ask you about, you are very fit, and work out a lot, doing yoga, right?

Amy: I do work out a lot. I try to do something active every day. I work out with a personal trainer 2-3 times a week. The other days I'm either hiking, boxing, doing yoga, running... I like to mix it up!

Me: And you're training to do a triathlon? Why? Haha. I would never do that? It's running, biking and swimming, right? Are you good at all three? I could do the swimming part but that's about it.

Amy: I want to do a triathlon some day. I was actually training for a relay team in a triathlon so I only did the running part. I did run a half marathon in November! That was something I never thought I'd do but I'm glad to have overcome that challenge. I'm really not a runner. But I learned to enjoy it. It's mind over matter!

Me: What made you wanna do this, Amy?

Amy: I am just happy to have my health and an able body. I watched my dad deteriorate from ALS and lose his ability to move. He would've given anything to be able to walk again let alone run. So I feel that while I have a healthy body, its a gift and I should use it.

Me: That makes sense, Amy. So, on the Phile I ask questions thanks to Tabletopics. Are you ready? If possible would you live year round in your favorite season?

Amy: Yes! I'm all about summer! Thankfully L.A. Is pretty much an endless summer.

Me: Amy, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Mention your websites and everything and please come back on the Phile again soon. All the best, and good luck with everything.

Amy: Thanks so much! It was a pleasure!, @amyPaffrath Instagram and Twitter.

That about does it for this entry. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and Amy Paffrath. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Painted On Water and that will be the last entry of the year, people. And then on Thursday it's singer songwriter Steven James Wylie. So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Monday, December 22, 2014

A Peverett Phile Christmas 6 Pheaturing Tommy Henriksen

Hello, welcome to A Peverett Phile Christmas 6. How are you? Man, I need a new Christmas logo, right? More colorful, and what's with the words "Articles" and "Interviews" and the address of this blog? You know where to find it if you're reading it. Next year I'll get a new logo.  So, I can't wait to find out what movie North Korea allows me to see this Christmas.  Good thing you pit a photo of your kids on your holiday card in case anyone hadn't seen the 15,239 you posted on Facebook this year.  Did you get all your Christmas shopping done? I saved a lot of money on Christmas this year by not spending any money on Christmas presents.  Okay, let's talk about things not Christmas related for  a minute. Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush announced that he will "actively explore" a 2016 presidential campaign, via a post on his Facebook page. This is the clearest indication yet that the brother of George W. Bush might be willing to throw away years of goodwill with the nation's Latino community, as well as a reputation for being a sensible Republican, in order to make himself seem crazier than Ted Cruz and Rand Paul in order to curry the favor of the conservative base. UPDATE: Jeb Bush announced today that he's actively exploring losing to Ted Cruz in the 2016 primaries. Oh, well.  Beloved comedian Robin Williams... who chose to take his own life this past August topped Google's annual list of most-searched topics for 2014, beating out search terms such as "World Cup," "Ebola," and "Flappy Bird." He would have probably found this immensely amusing. I have to say time marches on and attention spans whither, but Robin Williams' absence still gnaws at me like a toothache.  It would seem as though old-fashioned tobacco-and-tar cigarettes just aren't good enough for today's youth, with their fancy iTelephones and their XBox 64s. Haha. According to a new government survey on drug use, this generation of no-goodnick teenagers would much rather vape on an e-cigarette than riddle their lungs with carcinogenic gunk the way their parents and their parents' parents used to. It's just sad. Vaping is the rollerblading of smoking.  Christmas means a lot of different things to a lot of different people, so it makes sense that there are a lot of different types of Christmas songs. There are solemn, Jesus-focused songs like "Silent Night"; fun, lighthearted songs like "Jingle All The Way"; and kinda rapey songs like "Baby, It's Cold Outside." When you're looking for just the right song this holiday season, use this helpful diagram by MJ Wesner, which classifies songs according to whether they're more about Santa or more about Jesus, and whether they're more melancholy or more jolly.

Looking for a jolly song about Jesus? Try "Joy to the World." Want something melancholy about Santa Claus? Give a listen to "Please Come Home For Christmas" by Charles Brown. Sigh. So good. So, yesterday I went to see an Orlando Magic game and I was surprised at the sandals they were selling.

I love inspirational posters, and I saw this about one about Russian winters.

You're welcome, fellas.  Also you know I am a big Star Wars fan, right? And I love Slave Leia... well, check this out...

I love it.  Speaking of Star Wars... you can keep your Elf on a Shelf. I've got a 'Trooper on a pooper.

I have to show you something. Someone thought this was a picture of two T-Rex's fighting over a watermelon...

I don't see it myself.   So, I think I'm gong to the store later...

Where is this store? And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is the...

Top Phive Elf Complaints
5. Incredible markup at North Pole Wawa.
4. Workmen’s compensation doesn’t cover “mistletoe-lung.”
3. Bells on clothing target for jeers at truck stops.
2. Dead elves just tossed out on tundra.
And the number one elf complaint...
1. Santa only invites his favorites to join him in the Jacuzzi.

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. It should be pretty easy. Okay, a friend of the Phile wanted to come on and say something to you readers. So,here is a special...

I want to wish all the readers on the Peverett Phile a Merry Christmas or a happy Hanukkah or whatever you celebrate. And to you, Jason, I hope you have a great Christmas and that your son has the bestest Christmas ever!

Christmas card 
A Christmas card is proof for people you haven't seen recently that you are alive and functional enough to lick a stamp.

Today's pheatured guest is an American musician from Port Jefferson who is best known for his work with Alice Cooper. He has a new solo single called "Give 'em Hell" which is available on iTunes and a solo album coming out next year called "Tommy! Tommy!! Tommy!!!" Please welcome to the Phile... Tommy Henriksen.

Me: Hey, Tommy, welcome to the Phile! How are you, man?

Tommy: Hi, Jason, alas klar!! All is good here in Switzerland!

Me: Okay, let's get this outta the way first you... what's Orianthi really like?

Tommy: Orianthi is a great person! Great fucking guitar player! So much blues! And she is pretty funny!

Me: And she's hot and I have been trying to get her on the Phile for years.

Tommy: No worries, I just hooked you up with Ori!! She said she would love to do it!!

Me: Really? That's so fucking cool. She's not in Alice's band anymore, right? I think she's with Richie Sambora now.

Tommy: Ori left Alice Cooper to go back to her solo stuff and Orianthi and Richie are doing a record as we speak together which is gonna blow some minds!!

Me: Can you believe he left Bon Jovi?

Richie: I can’t speak for Richie but when I was with him Orianthi and my brother Jon Levin from Dokken the other night he seems pretty happy and excited as well as Ori!

Me: You knew me when I was a kid back in Port Jefferson, right? Im 46 years old now, how much older are you?

Tommy: Well, I’m 4 years older than you! I met you through a guy by the name of George Ripley and Bob Tis who worked for Foghat and the Boogie Hotel! I painted the Boogie Hotel when I was a kid to get free studio time! That place had a magic too it! I miss it BIG TIME!

Me: I just visited it in October. I must say you have a lot more talent than I have. I have none, except I play a kazoo. How did you get to know my dad and Foghat, Tommy?

Tommy: Richie Simpson first and he introduced me to George Ripley and through Ripley I met Bob Tis and Don Berman! Port Jeff was a small tough town and Foghat were the band! I would see Roger  and Craig driving there dope cars through town and heard they recorded and built a studio down Port! So I would go hang around to say hello and get to know them which I did!! Your dad was very quiet and sweet! And back then when I heard your dad say he was a vegetarian (I had no idea what that meant). I would go to Roger's house and clean up stuff for him and clean the studio and I met you at the house your family lived in Belle Tere which was the best place to live down by the cliffs! Also years later I would write songs with your dad for a band I had called Big Trouble that Lonesome Dave (your dad) came up with amazing lyrics and melody’s! Learned a lot from him about writing! 

Me: I have those Big Trouble demos, Tommy. They were good songs. You painted Boogie Hotel? For those that don't know, tell them what Boogie Hotel Studios is. I mentioned it on the Phile before so some readers will know.

Tommy: The Boogie Hotel was a magical studio built by the band Foghat! It was the place down Port! I remember when they were recording drums for the record ”Boys to Bounce and Girls to Chat” and they were getting a kick drum sound for days!!

Me: How did you get the painting job and who hired you?

Tommy: Bob Tis got my old band Ruffkut to paint and I think I guy named Jeff and Steve were also a big part of the Boogie Hotel who would later help us out also!

Me: What part of Port Jefferson are you from and when did you leave it?

Tommy: Jason, I came from the white trash part of Port Jefferson Station! I left in 1989 and have never been back! Best decision I have ever made thanks to my brother Jeff Pilson who saved my life! 

Me: You have never been back since? I was just there in October. I love it.

Tommy: No... I felt I had to get out of there! When I go back now to see my family its nice!

Me: You've even been to our house in Belle Terre... The House That "Slow Ride" Built. Do you remember it?

Tommy: That house in Belle Terre was amazing! Probably still is! That was the first time I was at a rich person’s house! Pretty cool!! And your dad was chill always!!

Me: What do you remember about it and what do yo remember about me?

Tommy: I remember it being huge! I was a kid back then so... and I remember meeting you and your mom and sister! I remember the red hair and you both were very shy!!

Me: Okay, so, when did you first start to play the guitar?

Tommy: I started playing guitar at the age of 14 after seeing this band called Tusk at the roller skating rink I went to! After meeting the Rondinelli’s I would never look back!

Me: Did you take lessons or did you teach yourself, Tommy?

Tommy: I took some lesson’s from a guy named Jim Kleinlaus in my neighborhood who was such a sweet guy and amazing guitar player! I would love to thank him if he is still around!

Me: What kinda music did you listen to growing up?

Tommy: I grew up listening to The Who, Foghat, Pink Floyd, Lou Reed, Alice Cooper! So many great bands!! Port Jeff was a rock town filled with soooo many great musicians!

Me: You're a big Sex Pistols fan, right? Was it a Sex Pistols song you learnt first?

Tommy: "Pretty Vacant" but I was more a Ramones  fan after seeing them in 1978 playing a free show in Central Park which changed my life!

Me: My son is 15 and he is playing guitar as well. He's idol is Slash... who is your idol?

Tommy: My idol has always been Peter Gabriel from the start to the finish.

Me: When did you first start playing in a band, Tommy? Was that on Long Island?

Tommy: I started when I was 15 playing in a band called No Deal... we played CBGB’s and clubs when I couldn’t get in!! They would sneak me in last minute! Pretty cool when I think about it now!

 Me: You ended up in the German band Warlock. How the fuck did that happen? What was it like in Germany?

Tommy: I got the Warlock gig through 2 guys named Tommy Bolan and Joey Balin! Germany was fucking awesome! First time I was ever out of the United States.

Me: You had an amazing career, I have to tell you, working with people like Lady Gaga, Lou Reed and Keisha. What were they like to work with?

Tommy: Lady Gaga was amazing when I first worked with her! I knew she had something (no fear) she doesn’t return my calls anymore! Success!  Keisha is another talented singer! Believe it or not behind all that auto tune she can sing! Lou Reed… c’mon… that was the gig!! Was through Bob Ezrin who I work with and co-produce with on a lot of projects!

Me: Do you have a favorite musician who worked or played with?

Tommy: Alice Cooper!

Me: You're currently a member of Alice Cooper's band... when did you first meet Alice?

Tommy: I met Alice in 2000 and was a fan as a kid and also I was a roadie and runner for him!! Funny shit!

Me: When you worked on the album "Welcome 2 My Nightmare" did you have a feeling he was gonna ask you to join his band?

Tommy: No... not at all... he just asked Bob… who played the guitars, bass, keyboards and engineering and Bob said Tommy!! Alice looked at me and said I want you in my band! And Steve Hunter had a help in that big time too!

Me: Alice lives in Arizona, so did you have to go there for awhile?

Tommy: No, he would come to us! Bob’s and my studio in Nashville and L.A.

Me: You live in Switzerland now, right, with your beautiful family. How did you end up in Switzerland?

Tommy: Meeting the best woman, Sandra who is so beautiful and kind and a great mother to our son Finn Cooper.

Me: Is your wife Swiss?

Tommy: Oh yeah… she’s the Swiss miss!!

Me: You wear a lot of leather on stage and some kind of headpiece like Havok from the X-Men comics. Did you choose your own stage clothes or did Alice say this is what you're gonna wear?

Tommy: You mean Tugg Speedman!!! Haha!! Alice say’s just go out there and kill!

Me: I just read you played with a Phile Alum... drummer Bobby Rondinelli. What hand was that in, Tommy?

Tommy: I’ve known Bobby since I was 14 we also played in Rondinelli and Doro together.

Me: And you also worked briefly with C.C. Deville from Poison. Man, you worked with some crazy people, haven't you?

Tommy: That was a band called Needle Park! It was with Kelly Hansen who is now the lead singer for Foreigner and James Kottak who plays in the Scorpions! Great band! Too many drugs for C.C. and James at that time!

Me: At least Alice is normal off stage playing golf. Do you play golf?

Tommy: Alice is in a great mood everyday and no, I don’t play golf!

Me: Another band you were in was P.O.L... not to be confused with P.I.L. Was P.O.L., a P.I.L. cover band?

Tommy: P.O.L. was my punk band in 1994.

Me: Do you like doing your own thing or working with other people, Tommy?

Tommy: I love doing both!

Me: Let's talk about your new solo album "Tommy! Tommy!! Tommy!!!" Who came up with that title?

Tommy: A friend of mine named Sparky came up with the "T.T.T."

Me: Who plays on the album with you?

Tommy: I have a bunch of guest lead guitar players! Steve Hunter, Satchel from Steel Panther, Jon Levin from Dokken, Jason Roller from Kelli Pickler and Joey Sykes from The Baby’s played some great parts and solo’s!

Me: When I first heard the single "Give'm Hell" I was expecting heavy metal song, or a hard rock song but it's not, is it? It's a pop song with rock vocals. It's a great song though. Did you write it?

Tommy: That is the first single for Europe and it's very pop with rock guitars, banjo’s, fiddle, synthesizers! Just everything I love about a song! I wrote the whole record!

Me: What brand and make do you play, Tommy?

Tommy: I play Gibson SG Les Paul custom’s! The 3 pick up ones and I own 5 of them and they are all 1991-1993s! The Gibson guitars made in early 90s are the best but I loved your dad’s Bo Diddley guitar... that square black one he used all the time!! I hope you have that guitar!!

Me: Yes, I do. So, what's happening on 2015 for you? Anything exciting?

Tommy: The "Tommy! Tommy!! Tommy!!!" record will come out in January 2015 in Switzerland, Germany and Austria on K-Tel and Rough Trade! Then I will release it in the States on a label or myself but I am doing a vinyl record on Bellyache in January of a limited run!

Me: How long do you think you will be with Alice for?

Tommy: I will be with alice until he retires!

Me: I have to show a picture of you playing with Alice...

Me: Okay, Tommy, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Ready? I need new questions. Haha. Would you rather meet your great great grandparents or your great great grandchildren?

Tommy: Great great grandchildren to make sure we got it right this time! Haha.

Me: Tommy, thanks for being on the Phile. Please come back again. Go ahead and plug your website. All the best, my friend.

Tommy:,, Thanks, J.P. !!

There you go, that about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Jeff Trelewicz and Tommy Henriksen. The Phile will be back next Sunday with Amy Paffrath who is the host of VH1's "Dating Naked" and on Monday it's the last entry of the year with Painted On Water. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye and have a safe and fun Christmas!

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker