Monday, October 24, 2016

Pheaturing Shook Twins

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? Let's start off with a story about
Eric Trump having no idea he got trolled by a t-shirt. Eric Trump has no basic understanding of Spanish, even when words are similar to English. Sad! Annie and Ceci Ardelle, two sisters in Salisbury, North Carolina, masterfully trolled Eric Trump at a rally in their hometown. The Ardelles are second-generation Americans of Cuban descent, and went to protest the most vampire-y Trump's campaign stop in a subtle and smooth way. Annie took a Sharpie to a white shirt and wrote "Latinas contra Trump," which translates to "Latinas against Trump." Eric's obliviousness is particularly hilarious because contra is a word that's used in English too, and anyone who reads the Latin alphabet could maybe infer that "con" is bad, as in "pros and cons." This isn't the first time this election cycle that political figures have been caught not reading big letters on t-shirts. Last September, Jeb! Bush ('member him?!) smiled with a group of kids in "Republicans for Sanders" shirts. There's no excuse for that one, Jebbie.
Sudbury, Ontario's Sainte-Anne-des-Pins Catholic Church is no stranger to vandalism, and their statue of baby Jesus has had its head knocked off more than once. About a year ago, however, the head went missing altogether, according to Father Gérard Lajeunesse. "I'm hoping it wasn't done out of malice," he told It might be somebody took on a challenge or whatever and the head fell off, and what do you do with this? A lot of things happen around here." Whatever the case, local artist Heather Wise soon noticed the incomplete sculpture and offered to fashion a replacement. Her attempt, rendered in clay, was... well, let's say "non-traditional."

Intended to be a placeholder until Wise could carve a head out of stone (a material she said she'd never worked with before), the temporary restoration drew some rather blistering reviews. Some critics compared the spiked creation to the infamously botched 2012 restoration of Ecce Homo, a Spanish fresco depicting Jesus with the crown of thorns, by an elderly amateur artist. That, too, went viral when unveiled. Probably for the best, since the viral buzz led to someone returning baby Jesus' original head, which was reattached and presented to parishioners at mass on yesterday. Replacing the statue altogether could have cost up to $10,000, so yeah, Father Gérard is pretty stoked. "It's a happy ending to pretty crazy week, it just goes to show that sometimes the internet works in your favor," the relieved priest said. Or, to put it more religiously: the Internet works in mysterious ways.
Quick note to all you dudes out there, because apparently there's been some confusion... Typically, a visit to the men's room shouldn't entail pissing all over the floor. Nor should it include clogging the toilet with paper towels, failing to throw garbage in the... what's that called?... oh yeah, garbage can, or doing anything that little note taped to the mirror politely asks you not to. But since you just can't seem to behave like halfway sanitary human beings in a bathroom you don't have to clean, janitors have to get creative. Like this one...

That little "thank you" at the end? Perfect. Guess manners aren't dead after all.
A Wisconsin resident named Chelsea Ferguson smeared peanut butter on 30 cars she thought belonged to Trump supporters as a dumb form of protest against the Republican nominee, according to The Huffington Post. Ferguson, who was intoxicated at the time of the incident, apparently mistook parked cars belonging to the members of the Tomorrow River Conservation Club as cars belonging to Trump supporters at a Trump rally. How she mixed those two things up, nobody knows. According to the police report, Ferguson entered the Conservation Club meeting yelling about her dislike for Trump. When club members requested she leave before they call law enforcement, and she complied with their requests. That is when she headed to her car and grabbed a family-size jar of low-sodium creamy natural Jif peanut butter and began drawing offensive symbols on the parked vehicles. Soon after, a witness called the cops. If only we had a recording of that 911 call. Officers took the Jif jar found in Ferguson’s apartment as evidence. Ferguson is now free on bail.
If you are planning on dressing up as Eleven from the Netflix hit "Stranger Things" this Halloween, you are definitely not alone. Clothing retailer Lyst conducted an analysis of it most popular searches, and found that people have been clamoring for pink Peter Pan-collared dresses and dark blue bomber jackets. Pair that with a shake-and-go blonde wing and your old gross sneakers and voilà! You got yourself a Halloween costume. This dress and this jacket in particular have been popular (the jacket has already seen 89% more views than last month), and though the whole ensemble might cost you a bit more than you may want to spend on a costume, you can wear these pieces long after you finish eating your Halloween candy. Lyst also claims that blouses reminiscent of the character Barb have been popular, with pussy bow blouses seeing a 42% bump compared to this time last month. Over 3,000 people have also searched for "ruffled gingham shirts." Eleven's outfit is actually of the perfect Halloween costume. It looks warm enough for a chilly fall night, comfortable enough to take your kids trick-or-treating in (sneakers!!), and it's a little spooky as well.
Speaking of Halloween and costumes, Halloween is exactly one week away and there's some costumes I am tired of seeing already. Like the AirBuds...

This is a topical costume for besties. Must avoid. You only have a week to put your kid's costumes together, parents. I have a hint for you... How about a ghost.

Locate a white sheet. Cut holes for eyes (or not). Throw over child. It's perfect for anyone who can barely hold a pair of scissors and won't realize they have nothing planned until the day before Halloween. I'll even give you one more bit of advice... a mummy. Wrap toilet paper around child until child is not visible. You're welcome. All my life people have made fun of my last name... Peverett. Calling me pervert most of the time. But at least I don't have another name that is a lot worse...

Hahaha. This year is the 10th anniversary year of the Phile and once in awhile I like to show you a picture of someone reading this blog. Like this lady for instance...

She either liked it or hated it. Hey, did you see Hillary Clinton's impression of Monica Lewinsky?

Donald Trump also has his own stupid human trick.

Do you kids play Magic: The Gathering? I have never played. Anyway, there's a new Trump card for the game now.

See? I mentioned the story about the Jesus head, right. Well, when I saw it I thought to myself where did I see it before? Then it hit me.

Hahahahaha. This year for Halloween there's not only jack-o-lanterns that people have made, but Trumpkins. What is a Trumpkin you ask?

That is. I like the hair on it. Okay, and now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Startling Similarities And Differences Between New Caramel M&Ms, Donald Trump And Hillary Clinton
5. Despite hard shell, is quite sweet in the center.
4. Contains Orange Dye #7.
3. Understands proper State Department email protocol.
2. Can be found in the pocket of Wall Street bankers.
And the number one difference between new caramel M&Ms, Trump and Clinton is...
1. Wholeheartedly endorsed by Chris Christie.

If you spit this Mindphuck let me know. Well, with all this scary clown business going on, a good friend of the Phile has something to say about it. He's a patriot, singer and renaissance man. You know what time it is...

It has recently come to my attention that pranksters have taken to suburban streets dressed like scary clowns and are chasing people in order to freak them out and possibly become YouTube sensations. Now, I understand that you're bored and crave attention... but a few words of advice. It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt... and by somebody, I mean YOU. You see... my twisted little meatpuppets, although it may have seemed like a cool idea at first for you to freak people out, you run the risk of running into someone like ME... someone who becomes un-hinged around clowns and has an extremely violent nature about him... someone who carries a gun... someone who would shoot you through your left eye with a .45 in a split second of amped up fear and rage. So... you see, my little red nosed cunts.... you may want to find yourself another source of amusement. Because the way I see it.... it's Clown Hunting Season.

Magic: The Gathering
Magic: The Gathering is a popular trading card game for people whom life dealt a -5/-5 attractiveness spell.

Tom Hayden 
December 11th, 1939 — October 23rd, 2016
Vietnam activist, married Jane Fonda. Anybody got anything? Yeah... me neither. So long, hippie.

Today's pheatured guests are a singer-songwriter duo whose albums "You Can Have the Rest," "Window," and "What We Do" are available on iTunes. Their latest single "Call Me Out" is also now available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Katelyn and Laurie... the Shook Twins.

Me: Hello, girls, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Katelyn: Great! we just cleaned our tour van!

Me: Okay, I have to ask you, whose idea was to be a musician first? Or did you both know that's what you wanted to do growing up?

Laurie: Well, we never actually dreamed of doing this music thing growing up. We actually both wanted to be teachers (just like our folks) and run a zoo during the summers (because as you know, exotic animals don't need any care during the rest of the year!) But once we started learning to play guitars when we were 18, and playing gigs at 20, we realized that this could really be something to pursue.

Me: You both play different instruments then each other, am I right? And you girls play a lot of instruments. What do you play and how did you choose what instruments to learn?

Katelyn: We both started with guitar. Then we bought a banjo about 5 years ago and both started fiddling around on it, but Laurie just really resonated with it and it came so easily for her that she kept with it. And eventually she started picking up the djembe and looping and within this last year, she learned to play the upright bass! So with Laurie looking so impressive with all these instruments...

Laurie: Katelyn felt the pressure to learn another so she wouldn't look so useless! She was given a mandolin from a family friend and learned some basic chords, and soon she was playing it on stage. And also, we wrote a song that was in desperate need of a glockenspiel so she picked that up too!

Me: Who does most of the songwriting?

Laurie: We always write our songs together, however Katelyn writes most of the lyrics.

Katelyn: I come up with the music side mostly.

Me: I have to hand it to all siblings that work together, and I interviewed a lot. I could never work with any of my sister's. I am taking you both get along pretty good, right?

Laurie: Yes, we do. It's a very unique relationship that's hard to compare to anything else. But we work very well together and always make sure everything is equal. Like if one twin has been doing a lot of business duties, the other one picks up the slack by working extra hard the next week. And in that way it's very nice because it's like working half the time and still getting everything done!

Me: Where are you girls from?

Laurie: We were born and raised in a small town in North Idaho called Sandpoint.

Me: Your parents must be very proud of both of you. Have they always been supportive? It's one thing having one daughter that is talented, let alone two.

Katelyn: Aww, that's nice of you to say! Yes, ma and pa Shook have always been very supportive. So supportive that they housed us and our entire band (plus a few significant others) in their home in Sandpoint for 4 years after we graduated college! It would be very tough to be an emerging musician without a supportive family, because you don't make much of anything at first and you need some money to start out with to get equipment and an album recorded.

Me: Do you have any other siblings? If so, are they talented as well?

Laurie: We have one emotionally adopted big sister who is a very talented artist and she is now the art teacher at Sandpoint High School, which is our father's old job!

Me: Do you both have the same taste in music?

Laurie: Yes, exactly the same.

Me: Okay, let's talk about your music. I downloaded all your music from iTunes and loved it all. I love the song "Windows" from that album. How did it get to be the album title?

Katelyn: Well, it started out just being the song title because of the lyric, "If I only had a window to the 60s." But as we were recording this album with so many great friends, we realized that the album is like a window into our past; jamming on these songs with different musicians at various after parties and weekend get-aways. So it could sort of be classified as a concept album in that way.

Me: You recorded with a guy named The Bucky Walters. Who is he and I like he has The in front of his name.

Laurie: Ha ha ha, well, actually The Bucky Walters is a bluegrass band from Arcata California! They are great friends of ours and they played a part in the past jams of these songs like I said before, so we got them to play on the album to recreate those magical moments in a studio so that they can be captured professionally and heard forever! We also featured the girls from the band Elephant Revival on the album; Bridget Law on Fiddle and Bonnie Paine on Washboard and some vocal harmonies. We absolute love playing music with those girls!

Me: There's so many great songs on your albums, girls. I have to ask you about "Pink and Purple" though. iTunes has he song listed as explicit, but I cannot figure out why. What word are they talking about?

Katelyn: Well, I guess it's quiet enough that you can't hear it! We say,"shit" in that song but it's spoken in the background right after the verse about "sometimes I get distracted." We just wanted to be safe so no one played in on the radio or anything!

Me: Your new single "Call Me Out" you also say "shit." That one I picked out. Your music in the past has been very acoustic oriented but this new single is slightly different.

Katelyn: We've been incorporating electronic sounds live for a while, but this is the first time fully committing to an electro indie-folk production on a track. It's nerve racking throwing something new at your fans, but I think it's a good blend of the new and old us.

Me: I cannot pick what song I like best. Do you guys have a favorite?

Laurie: We like "Time To Swim," "Window" and "Long Time" the best.

Me: I noticed in a few pictures of a giant golden egg that seems to be autographed. Here's a picture of one of you holding it...

Me: Man, I have tons of questions about this. What's the deal with the egg and who autographed it?

Katelyn: The Golden Egg has become sort of our "symbol" (since we came from one egg!). Laurie met a guy outside of a bar in Seattle that had it under his arm and she convinced him to give it to her! Then she took it home and spent hours and hours filling it with popcorn kernels so now it's a giant egg shaker which she actually plays in one of our songs! The original rule that we were given from the Seattle man was that you're supposed to sign it and pass it on. But he never said a time frame of how long you could keep it or who could sign it, so we're going to keep it for as long as it wants to fulfill its purpose on stage, and various people have signed it!

Me: You asked him for his egg, Laurie? Tell us this story.

Laurie: It was June 3rd 2010 in Seattle, outside Nuemos after a hockey/the band concert. I noticed a young man chillin' on the sidewalk with a giant golden egg under his arm. When I inquired about it, he replied, "Some lady gave it to me and told me to sign it and then pass it on to someone to do the same." I immediately was drawn to the beauty, signed it and took it on as my new friend. I thought about passing it along several times, but was never ready. I decided instead to turn it into a giant egg shaker by putting popcorn in it, then turned it into a drum by sticking a small mic on it! The whole band loves this egg so, and have always wondered about its journey before it was brightening our lives! My wish was for the person who started the egg to find me and tell me its tale! My wish came true... After we played the Tractor Tavern in Seattle on April 5th, we got a very exciting email from a Kipp A. Gallagher. He told us that he and his 3 friends, Clara Ganey, and Katie Farden, Katy Heinz, were the wonderful people who started the passing of the egg. How they got the egg is the magical part! It was May 5th 2008 when the four friends went to Dicks Burgers on Capitol Hill. As they were leaving and Katy and Kipp were waiting outside the bathroom, a very tall "Hipster Mad Hatter" esque man approached them with the egg under his arm. When they inquired about it, he told them that it is a magical egg and that it grants wishes! He then gave them the egg and told the two of them to close their eyes and make a wish. As they wished, he embraced them with the egg in the middle of them all and told them to focus harder. When they opened their eyes, the Hipster Mad Hatter was gone and they had the egg in their hands. It grants wishes indeed, Kipp's wish was to be able to keep the egg! The four friends kept the egg for 2 years, loving it as a family member. When they were graduating college, they decided to let the egg go as not just one of them could take it. They returned to Dick's and passed the egg to a sailor in the same way they had received it. Then it was passed to me and it has again granted a wish... To find the people who started this egg! LONG LIVE THE GOLDEN EGG!!!!!

Me: What a crazy story. And you girls have a phone on stage? It ties in with the new single I am guessing. You actually use the phone to get a sound. How do you hook it up?

Laurie: Yes! Katelyn found this DIY telephone microphone on Craigslist for $20, and it's the best thing that she ever bought! Someone turned it into a microphone and put a quarter inch jack on it so it can plug right into a P.A. system. It gives her voice a cool slightly distorted, radio voice effect!

Me: I saw White Horse open for Barenaked Ladies and they did the same thing. One of your songs there's beat boxing. Which one of you two does that and what other singing talents do you have?

Katelyn: Laurie is the beat boxer.

Laurie: And Katelyn can sing opera!

Me: You girls also sing a cappella. Do you girls like singing a cappella or do you prefer using instruments?

Laurie: For short and sweet songs, that are so simple that instruments would just get in the way, we prefer a cappella. But that's rare when a song can be so minimal.

Me: Girls, thanks so much for being here on the Phile and I hope you can come back when your next album comes out. Go ahead and mention your website and anything else you wanna. Continued success and take care.

Laurie: Thanks for such great questions!

Katelyn: Our website is

Me: Fantastic. Please come back on the Phile again soon. All the best.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and Shook Twins. The Phile will be back Thursday with Matt Steckler from the jazz band Dead Cat Bounce. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Pheaturing Emil Hewitt From Emil & Friends

Hey, kids, welcome to another entry of the Phile for a Sunday. It's October 23rd... something cool happened once on this day. Hmmmm. Moving on... I do have to say congratulations to the Cubs for clinching the pennant and heading to the World Series for the first time since 1908. Okay, let's start off with a story coming from Britain. Early Wednesday morning, the British Army sent out the following Tweet and guess what? People weren't too happy about thoughtless blackface imagery greeting them first thing in the morning.

Although the British Army didn't see the problem when they sent the message, Twitter did. Immediately. The photo was deleted within an hour. Camouflage paint does not equal blackface. But the message about having a "sense of humour," paired with the image, certainly didn't give the organization any benefit of the doubt. It's still unclear what "humour" the army did see in the photo, but as always, it's important to leave comedy to the professionals when you're dealing with a sensitive topic. As we all know, comedians are immune to this type of misstep (they're not).
Giant Meteor, come save us all. No matter who ends up in the White House next year, people are going to be very disappointed. Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are the most unpopular presidential nominees in living memory, and many Americans are decrying the lack of a viable third-party candidate. Gary Johnson can barely remember his own name, Jill Stein panders to conspiracy theorists, and Harambe, sadly, is dead. Luckily, there's still a dark horse in the mix: Giant Meteor. In 2016, support for the extinction of all human life has never been higher, and voters agree that a huge hunk of space debris is just the inanimate object to get the job done. With incredible buzz generated by t-shirts, bumper stickers, and now an inspiring campaign ad, Giant Meteor really may have a shot in November.

This could be the end of the two-party system... and everything else... as we know it.
Today a parade of (vengeful? empowered? amazing?) women in yoga pants will march past the house of one outspoken Rhode Island man. This is the risk you take, angry men everywhere, when you write a letter to the editor called, "Please, women, put away the yoga pants." "[O]n mature, adult women, there is something bizarre and disturbing about the appearance they make in public," reads one choice quote from Alan Sorrentio's outrageous screed against pants. Sorrentino, who also takes shots at mini-skirts (my man, chill), waxes indignant on "the spector of someone coping poorly with their weight or advancing age" who nonetheless wears whatever she goddamn wants. Sorrentino also calls the pants, as a rule, "stinky." Are you baffled yet? One reader responded, "I'm disappointed, saddened, and mostly scared that I live in a town where we allow a man to publicly body shame women." A response to the borderline unreadable letter came in the form of a Facebook event called "Yoga Pants Parade," with the simple description: "From Hampden Meadows, down past our friend Alan's house on Knapton St. Let's take a leisurely walk down Knapton Street wearing our most comfortable pair of yoga pants!" So far, 210 have said they will attend. Sorrentino will likely write a letter about it.
After tentatively acknowledging his Nobel Prize in Literature, any mention of the honor on Bob Dylan's website has now been removed. While it's impossible to know if Dylan had any say in this decision, it's left many baffled fans asking the same question they asked when Dylan released his 2009 album "Christmas in the Heart." Bob. Why. Dylan was the subject of many a baffled news report after the Nobel Prize committee found it impossible to get in touch with the 75-year-old music icon after awarding him the prestigious honor. "I have called and sent emails to his closest collaborator and received very friendly replies," said Sara Danius, the secretary of The Swedish Academy, which presents the award. "For now, that is certainly enough." She went on to say, "If he doesn't want to come [to the award ceremony in December], he won't come." Maybe Dylan really wanted the Nobel Prize in Physics (for 50 years of his hair defying gravity), because there has to be some reason he seems to resent this one so very much.
Your favorite overdone​ Halloween costume just became the latest victim of America's creepy clown epidemic. A Target spokesman gave the following statement over the weekend, "Given the current environment, we have made the decision to remove a variety of clown masks from our assortment, both in stores and online." The summer of clown horror began with reports of clown sightings in Greenville, South Carolina in August. In that horrifying case, a child said he saw clowns behind his apartment complex "whispering and making strange noises." Since then, the "current environment" has been a rash of clown sightings across the nation. Clown-related Instagram and other social media threats have resulted in general alarm and several arrests. At James Madison University "clown calls started pouring in," causing students to travel in packs and prepare to defend themselves with pepper spray. In North Carolina, a 20-year-old was arrested for terrifying people with a clown mask and a hatchet .Then there was the "clown lives matter" walk that sought to respond to the epidemic and "show [that] clowns are not psycho killers." It was canceled amid death threats to the march's organizer. So can you really blame Target? Even Ronald McDonald is laying low until the clown-fear diminishes.
Speaking of Halloween costumes and Halloween, it's a week away and there's some Halloween costumes I am tired of seeing already. Like Johnny Depp and Amber Heard (couple's costume).

Come on, guys. As I said before the graphics department at CNN have been trolling Donald Trump. Check it out...

This Halloween you will not just be seeing jack-o-lanterns, but you also will be seeing Trumpkins. What is a Trumpkin you ask?

That is. Hey, did you see Hillary's impression of Monica Lewinsky?

Hahahaha. That joke never gets old. Trump has a pretty good stupid human trick as well...

He looks so mean doing that. So, I mentioned the clown epidemic a few minutes ago. Well, there's now a clown hunting permit.

Hey, did you see the new men's cologne that just came out?

Hahahaha. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Signs That The Election Is Rigged
5. Hillary will appear on the ballot without "Crooked" printed in front of her name.
4. Trump is losing, even though he's repeatedly stated that he's the best, greatest, smartest person for the job.
3. Whenever a video surfaces of Trump bragging of sexual assault, the media acts like it's a big deal.
2. Hillary hasn't yet been tossed in jail, despite Trump's legally sound, brilliantly argued pleas.
And the number one sign that the election is rigged...
1. WikiLeaks just published Hillary's drapery order for the Oval Office.

Kevin Meaney
April 23rd, 1956 — October 21st, 2016
That's not upright.

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, it's Sunday and time to talk football with my good friend Jeff. Speaking of football, the Giants are playing the Rams in London right this very moment. Let me check the score real quick... 3 to 10, Giants are losing. Ugh. Anyway, it's now time for...

Me: Hey, Jeff, what's up? Welcome back.

Jeff: Hey, Jason, not much. Same old same old. Glad to be back.

Me: So, your Steelers lost and the Giants won this past week. Yes! I had to get that outta the way. Haha.

Jeff: Yup. Your team won. My team lost. However my team still has a better record than yours over the season. Yes! I had to get THAT outta the way. (Two can play this game!)

Me: Touché. And the Giants are losing right this minute. So, what's the latest NFL news, Jeff?

Jeff: Biggest news is the Steelers lost Big Ben due to injury last week. What's worse is next week we play New England where clearly we will need all hands on deck. The Cowboys continue to win with a rookie quarterback. The nation seems at odds if Tony Romo should get his starting job back when he's healthy or if it should Dax's team from now on.

Me: So, I have a question for you... do you know why the 49ers are called the 49ers? Because they can't get past the 50 yard line. Haha.

Jeff: Well, if that was the case then they would be the 35er's because they don't even get close to midfield, no matter who their quarterback is!

Me: The Eagles are doing so bad the Giants kicking net got a ring before the Eagles did. Funny, right?

Jeff: That joke would be fine if your team wasn't actually in last place in your division right now. Would that be the same kicking net that Prima Donna wide receiver Beckham attacked one week and then kissed the next week?

Me: Ummm... yeah.

Jeff: When you're a star wide receiver you can grab kicking nets anywhere you want to. They let you do anything!

Me: Alright, in all seriousness, how did we do last week?

Jeff:  I went 1-1 with a Steelers lose. You went 0-2 with a Giants win. So with that win, I pulled one point ahead!

Me: Motherfucker! Ugh! Okay, let's do this weeks picks... I say Lions by 2 and Jags by 1. What do you say?

Jeff: I'm going with Bungals... I mean Bengals by 3 and Colts by 5.

Me: Alright, Jeff, I'll see you here next Sunday. Have a good week.

Jeff: See you next week!

He gives zero fucks. This should almost be a Mindphuck. Hahaha.

Today's pheatured guest is the lead singer for the band Emil & Friends whose album "Lo & Behold" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Emil.

Me: Hello, Emil, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Emil: Doing alright. Traveling a lot recently.

Me: So, sir, explain this... on Wikipedia actor Emile Hirsch says Emil & Friends is his new band... and I thought, wow, I am gonna get Emile Hirsch on the Phile and ask him why he changed the spelling of his name, and then I found out, no, I am gonna be interviewing Emil Hewitt. Emil, how did this whole thing start? Is Emile a fan of yours? Have you met him?

Emil: Never met the man. My friend and I sent out a fake press release to put out my EP in 2009, claiming to be Emile Hirsch’s side project composed while on the set of Speed Racer. I thought this approach as a way to get passed the fact that bloggers get hundreds of emails a day of new music... music that could be great or complete shit. What would make them wanna open your email? Deep down, we are all whores for celebrities. Everyone sort of proved my point. After getting a shit ton of good reviews, most postings didn’t mind the reality that I was not a famous actor. One blog in France got pissssssed... they did this whole “you’ll never work in this town again” thing. Funny thing was, they gave it an incredible glowing review. Guess they felt stupid. And yes, someone put me on his Wikipedia page it seems. Wasn’t me. Maybe it was him, trying to get laid? As per meeting Mr. Hirsch, I am planning on introducing myself as soon as possible. I figure hey, I am at these parties where Mary Kate Olsen sits on the couch next to me so it’ll happen sooner or later. They all hang out in the same place right? But I actually think he is a very talented fellow. Loved him in Milk.

Me: Here's a picture of Emile in case anyone was wondering who he was...

Me: I would of used this whole thing to get your music heard. Did you do that?

Emil: As I was just getting at, yes. The whole idea was getting your music to people. Playing live has only been a recent development for me, so before that it was all about how to play the Internet to your advantage as your only true source of promotion. If you have music that you are confident people would enjoy, I would suggest a promo stunt like this. Be nice. You have to have what it takes to be an artist underneath however, as my record deals would not have been a reality had I not had something to say beyond the EP used in the whole stunt. I had lots of unreleased music ready to play people. What is great is now I have this foundation built with great organizations and labels based on this whole ordeal, but they see me and promote me as a quality artist, so I don’t feel like a fraud!

Me: Well done! Okay, now we know who you are, who are the Friends you talk of? How many friends are in the band?

Emil: I play with a few folks live, most recently 3 others. Dan DeLara, Steve Brickman, and Alexander Russek. Dan recently toured with Jamaica, and Alex made his start in music as the drummer for Jesse McCartney. He must have gotten some boy-band level ass while on the road.

Me: What made you call your "band" Emil and Friends?

Emil: It was to make the whole PR Emile Hirsch thing work kind of. Except my name has no 'e' at the end. That was to make it work on its own, I guess. Never been fond of the name, I giggle about it sometimes. But then again I giggle about everything. Just a name.

Me: Okay, let's talk about your music. I listened to the album "Lo & Behold" and liked it. This is your first full length, right?

Emil: Yes.

Me: You had an EP out before, right? That was under the name Emile? So, you dropped the 'e'. How does this full length compare to the EP?

Emil: No, that was EMIL and FRIENDS as well. Don’t know where the Emile thing came from.

Me: You describe your music as weird pop... which is funny, that's what my son calls me. Haha. So, your music is a little different, I have to ask who are your inspirations? Who did you grow up listening to?

Emil: I grew up listening to stolen hip-hop tapes from my brother, stolen world music, folk and pop vinyls from my mother, and 60s tunes from my extended family.

Me: You are based in New York City right now, but you're not originally from there, are you? Where are you originally from?

Emil: Boston.

Me: What made you decide to move to NYC?

Emil: My current American label coaxed me into it with promises of candy.

Me: Hey, did you know there's a music ministry called Emil and Friends?

Emil: Yes.

Me: Emil, did you write all the songs on "Lo & Behold"? Does songwriting come easy for you? 

Emil: Yes, and yes. I write a lot. Very frequently. I rule.

Me: I read you were a DJ as well, but played guitar instead of records, is that true?

Emil: I did a lot of weird shit when I was younger. Playing guitar while disc jocking country records with a breakbeat underneath happened at my school’s junior prom. They stood there wide eyed. Then I dropped Jay-Z and they were happy. Then I dropped Simon and Garfunkel for Mr. Whitten who taught American history.

Me: Hey, what's this picture I found of you dressed as Captain Marvel? LOL.

Me: If you were a super hero, what would you name yourself? Shit. I didn't want to bring up the name thing again.

Emil: I have very frequent lucid dreams that I am Superman. Sometimes the dream has barely anything to do with Superman, but in the dream I am sifting through my laundry and I find my costume. Sometimes I have to save an entire city. Oh, back to the question. I'd prefer a nameless superhero. That pic was from the video "Short Order Cooks."

Me: Ahhh. Emil, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Wanna mention your website and anything else? Hope to to see you in Orlando soon.

Emil: No problem. Check out, for release info, and purchase multiple copies of our album. I was in Orlando. I had Mickey Mouse pancakes. I had a staring contest with Tigger. He lost. Thanks bye.

Me: Thanks, Emil. Take care.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Jeff Trelewicz and of course Emil. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Shook Twins. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Go Giants!

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Monday, October 17, 2016

Pheaturing Lydia Loveless

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? Halloween is just two weeks away and fashion retailer ASOS is getting in the spirit by selling a glow-in-the-dark "dripping blood" necklace. Unfortunately the Internet, which constantly has its mind in the gutter, was quick to point out that the choker also resembles, ahem, a different bodily fluid.

It's semen. It looks like semen. And now we'll never be able to unsee it. The Internet strikes again. But hey, to be fair, there are far worse sexy Halloween costumes out there than wearing fake blood sperm around your neck. It's way better than sexy Ken Bone.
Charlie Carver and Kala Brown went missing from their apartment in Anderson, South Carolina on August 31th. Since then, none of their friends or family have heard from them, which makes it all the more disturbing that Carver's Facebook account continues to be updated with creepy memes, quotes, and even private messages.The Daily Beast's Kelly Weill has written an in-depth exploration of this story... it's a must-read, but keep the lights on. Apparently, Carver, 32, and Brown, 30, disappeared without a trace, leaving their apartment unlocked. Their phones were dead. They didn't bring basic necessities like contact lenses and medication, but their dog was left alone in the apartment without food or water. Ominously, the dog's carrier was nowhere to be found. Police are searching for the couple, but haven't found any physical clues. The only clues are coming from Carver's Facebook profile. On October 1st, someone updated his timeline with life updates from the past months, claiming that he and his girlfriend were expecting a daughter on July 1st, that they had bought a house on August 1st, and that they were married on September 1st. None of these are true. In addition, whoever has access to Carver's account keeps posting ominous memes with messages like “Sometimes late at night I dig a hole in the backyard to keep the nosey neighbor’s guessing,” as well as news stories about the couple's disappearance. The most disturbing part is that the account has been sending twisted messages to Carver's friends. One read: "We [are] both ok. there is only one person that knows where we are… the person that means the most to me and kala she know where we are and we are coming that way for ever." There is mounting evidence that Carver's ex-wife was involved. According to a friend, Brown had said the woman was stalking them, and had been lurking around the apartment complex. Police have not identified her as a suspect, nor have they made it clear if they have issued a search warrant to Facebook, so they can locate the device logged into Carver's account. Head over to the Daily Beast to read Weill's full account of the story, including more of the unsettling messages on Carver's Facebook account. But lock the door first.
Good news for all the couples out there who want to cancel all their plans and stay home next weekend. A recent study says that binge-watching Netflix together may actually be helping your relationship. "Netflix and chill" is more than just a meme, my friends. For the study, published in the "Journal of Social and Personal Relationships," researchers asked 250 students in relationships to fill out questionnaires about their bond with their partner and their relationship habits. Upon analyzing the results, they found that watching TV shows and movies or reading books together can help couples feel more intimate and confident in their relationship. And it's not just because of all that extra cuddling. It's been known for quite some time that having mutual friends can help partners bond, but the study's lead author, Sarah Gomillion, PhD, told Health that if a couple doesn't share a social circle in their real lives, fictional characters might be a good substitute. “Having a shared connection to the characters in a TV series or film might make couples feel like they share a social identity even if they lack mutual friends in the real world,” Gomillion said. Binge-watching is often associated with loneliness, but Gomillion said that may not be the case. "People often say that activities like watching Netflix isolate us, but our research suggests that it can actually have important social benefits,” she told Health. So now you and bae have an excuse to stay home from that birthday party neither of you wanted to go to. You need to sit in front of the TV all weekend so you can bond.
According to the "Tampa Bay Times," around 200 people stormed out of Amy Schumer's standup show when she started "telling it like it is" about Donald Trump. The comedian/movie star/social media lightning rod started calling the Republican nominee an "orange, sexual-assaulting, fake- college-starting monster," and the Trump supporters so vehemently against political correctness just found it to be "too much." "I don't want to hear that. We wanted to have a good night without distractions with the politics," former audience member Bryon Nfinger told the paper."It's a bit much," his wife, Chrissy Nfinger, added. People took to Twitter to explain their shock that a comedian was talking about politics. At another point in her act, she started talking about sexual assault, which meant a lot to survivors, which many Trump-loving lightweights just couldn't handle. Other audience members tweeted their support for a comedian doing what a comedian does. Looks like these Trump supporters so triggered by opposing views need a safe space.
Disney, the greatest company to work for ever, has ceased sales of a full-body child's costume from their upcoming movie Moana amid accusations that it's racist. The costume depicts Maui, a Polynesian demigod who tags along with the movie's title character on her adventures. It consists of a skirt of leaves over a brown shirt and pants decorated with tattoos. Here it is in case I didn't describe it very good.

In a YouTube video, Chelsie Haunani Fairchild, a native Hawaiian who described herself as Polynesian, says the costume is an example of cultural appropriation, and asserts that kids shouldn't be allowed to wear the skin of someone from another race for amusement. A writer at Fusion characterized the costume as "full-body brown face." Disney apologized and issued a statement saying, "The team behind Moana has taken great care to respect the cultures of the Pacific Islands that inspired the film, and we regret that the Maui costume has offended some."
Speaking of Halloween consumes, there's some that I am just sick off already. Like this costume...
The goose that brought down Sully.

Don't char the edges of this a little and wear it trick-or-treating. This movie came out in September... but the bird will be sucked up into the jets of October through the power of mean-spirited ideas. This year there's less and less jack-o-lanterns and more and more Trumpkins. What is a Trumpkin you ask? Here's one...

Looks just like him. Speaking of Trump, this is from a German website...

Is Sexmonster a real word? I mentioned before that CNN's graphic department has been trolling Trump... well, the graphic department at MSNBC has been doing the same.

Did you see Hillary's impression of Monica Lewinsky?

Shit, what a blurry pic. Oh, well. Trump, meanwhile, has been entertaining his own people.

Hahaha. Over the years through my life people have made fun of my name... Peverett, calling me Pervert. Well, there's some very that have way less unfortunate names than I do.

See what I mean? I love Apple products, what was surprised at their new slogan.

Very true. I love jokes, and I always wondered what are the origins of some known jokes are. So, I did some research and now I have a pheature called...

What’s black and white and read/red all over? A newspaper. Or, if you’re a fourth grader, two zebras in a blender, two nuns in a chainsaw fight, etc. The origin goes back to the late 19th century, back when newspapers were still popular enough that they could be the punchline of a widespread joke. According to historian Mac Barrick in a 1974 report in "The Newspaper Riddle Joke," the riddle... playing off the similar pronunciation of red and read... appeared in 15 different folk riddle collections in the early 20th century. Which suggests that this dumb joke just kind of spread throughout the U.S. in the late 1800s.

If you spot the Mindphuck please let me know. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is this week's...

Top Phive Things In Ken Bone's Phifteen Minutes Of Phame
5. "Extra" reports Bone rushed to ER to treat severe rash from wearing same, unwashed sweater to every interview for three weeks straight.
4. Sales are disappointing for Kohls' new "Kenneth Bone Collection" of plus-sized cable-knit outerwear.
3. Appears on "Dancing With the Stars" and is eliminated in week two (just after Billy Bush).
2. Arrested while drunkenly screaming at traffic, wearing ONLY his trademark sweater.
And the number one thing in Bone's 15 minutes of fame is...
1. Completely forgotten when "Gerbil that looks like Ken Bone" becomes more Internet famous than him.

A former "Apprentice" contestant is the latest in a string of several women to come forward with sexual assault allegations against presidential nominee Donald Trump. At a press conference on Friday afternoon, Summer Zervos accused Trump of inappropriate sexual conduct in 2007, both at his office in New York City and then again a few days later at a hotel in Los Angeles. Zervos said that when she arrived at Trump's office to discuss job opportunities, he "kissed her on the lips" when she arrived and again when she left. She said it made her feel "nervous and embarrassed," but she brushed it off as a greeting. A few days later, Zervos met Trump at the Beverly Hills Hotel in Los Angeles, again for what she thought was a business-related meeting. Zervos was supposed to meet Trump for dinner, but upon arriving at the hotel was brought to a bungalow where she alleges that he kissed her "open-mouthed," touched her breasts, and led her to his bedroom despite her efforts to get away from him. Before Zervos told her story, her attorney Gloria Allred provided a statement in which she addressed Trump directly. "Donald, before you can become president of the United States, you must first learn how to treat women with respect," she said. I couldn't agree more.

Today's guest is one of my favorite female singers from recent times. Her latest album "Real" is available now on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Lydia Loveless.

Me: Hello, Lydia, first of all, I think you are an amazing talent. Okay, I said it. How are you?

Lydia: Thank you, that is awesome to hear. I’m doing well.

Me: I love your new album "Real." That's your fourth album, right?

Lydia: Yessir.

Me: So, are you real?

Lydia: Nope, nobody is.

Me: Where are you from, Lydia ?

Lydia: I’m from Newcastle, Ohio, part of Coshocton County.

Me: Your dad owned a country music bar, right? Did you spent a lot of time there?

Lydia: It was not strictly country, I think a game of telephone started that, ha. But yeah, I would go there often; it was a restaurant too.

Me: Is that where you decided you wanted to be a musician?

Lydia: No, but it is where I probably decided I wanted to date a musician.

Me: How old were you when you first started to play guitar, sing and song write?

Lydia: I was 15.

Me: Is the bar still open? Why don't you go ahead and give it a plug?

Lydia: Nope, it closed when we moved. The restaurant part is still open, a Mexican place.

Me: You've been described as Patsy Cline, Loretta Lynn, Neko and Hank III, Lydia. What do you think of those comparisons?

Lydia: I’m inclined to think no one is as good as Patsy, but I’ll take it. I would hope a little Loretta rubbed off on me, and I have a foul mouth like Hank III I suppose.

Me: If you had to describe your music or influences who would you say?

Lydia: Hank III is a huge influence musically and lyrically, as well as Loretta Lynn, Richard Hell, Bob Dylan, Gin Blossoms and loads others. My music is rock n roll, I suppose.

Me: I read that you like booze, and making men cry. Hmmmm. what is the booze of your choice and how often do you make men cry?

Lydia: Hah! I guess I would say red wine. I’m not entirely sure I like making men cry, I just do, sometimes.

Me: How the hell do you make them cry anyway? Just wondering.

Lydia: I don’t do what they want. Maybe I just like cry babies?

Me: Then I'm the guy for you. Haha. Okay, let's talk about your music, Lydia. "The Only Man" was your first CD and "Real" is the latest. How would you compare both?

Lydia: Well, the first one is definitely more country. "Real" is raw and rockier.

Me: Who produced them and plays on them? The first one was produced by David Rhodes Brown, a Cinci musician, and Ted McConnell, a Cinci recording engineer. I produced the latest with the help of engineer Joe Viers.

Me: Did you do all the song writing on them both?

Lydia: Yessir.

Me: One of your older songs you did is called "Steve Earle." I am guessing you are a fan of his. Have you ever met him and do you know if he ever heard your song about him?

Lydia: Haha, yes. I have not met him, and I don’t think he has heard it, although I’m betting he will any day now.

Me: So, what's next for you? Hopefully you'll be heading down to Florida to play. Have you started writing songs for your next album?

Lydia: I’m sure I will make it down that way soon. I have written a few songs lately, but I’ve mostly been focused on the current one.

Me: Lydia, I am a really big fan so thanks for being on the Phile, and please come back again soon. Do you wanna plug your website?

Lydia: Thanks, no problem. I would recommend checking out Bloodshot Records or Reverb Nation/Facebook for more info, as the site is

Me: Thanks again, and take care.

Lydia: Thank you!

That's about it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Lydia for a great interview. I wish I could of interview her longer. The Phile will be back next Sunday with Emil from the band Emil & Friends. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker