Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Pheaturing Mike Reiss


Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Wednesday. How are you? It's Earth Day today... so let's celebrate Earth Day by putting down our phones and looking at Earth. Except if you're reading the Phile on a phone... keeping reading then look at Earth. Guess who is open to do your hair, eyes and eyebrows? The funeral home! If you want an appointment, keep running around. I am lucky... I got my hair shaved last night. I look good now. Thanks, Stephanie. The world is now Vegas. Everybody's losing money, its acceptable to drink all hours, and no one has any idea what day it is. Breaking news... Atlanta has announced it plans to reopen to city now that they have 28-3 lead on COVID-19.
An Amber Alert has been issued by Virginia State Police for three missing children who are believed to be in “extreme danger.” According to authorities, on behalf of the Roanoke County Police Department, the alert was issued for a child abduction that occurred on Tuesday, April 21st, 2020, at 3:30 p.m. The children are 6-year-old Cameron Allison with brown hair and brown eyes, 6-year-old Emma Allison with brown hair and brown eyes, and 21-month-old Colin Allison with blonde hair and blue eyes. All three were last seen in Roanoke County, Virginia. According to authorities, John Varion Allison was the one who abducted the children. The white male stands at 5 foot 9 inches with blonde hair and brown eyes, weighing 185 pounds. Authorities were able to release information about his vehicle, and believe he was driving either a 1999 four-door Maroon Chevrolet Suburban SUV with Virginia Registration of VVU-3796 or a 2006 Maroon Cadillac 4 door car with Virginia registration VMV-8238. Unfortunately, there have been no further details released by authorities. Authorities believe Allison might be in the company of his wife Ruby Marie Allison. The white female stands around 5 foot 3 inches with light brown hair, brown eyes, and weighs around 160 pounds. Authorities are asking the public to contact the Roanoke County Police Department at 540-777-8798, 540-777-8799, The Roanoke County Social Services, or the Virginia State Police if you come across the vehicles or any of the suspects. Amber alerts, or child abduction emergency alert, is a message disturbed by a child abduction alert system to ask the public for help in finding any children who might have been subjected. Usually, these alerts are distributed via a public radio station, satellite radio, regular radio, television station, or text messages. Citizens are able to see an Amber alert if the action occurred in a particular location where the child had recently been seen and was abducted. The alerts are usually conducted if a child is at risk of serious injury or death. Here's a pic of the children and the adults...



The state of Missouri filed a lawsuit yesterday against the Chinese government over the coronavirus, alleging that nation’s officials are to blame for the global pandemic. The lawsuit, filed in federal court by the state’s top lawyer, alleges Chinese officials are “responsible for the enormous death, suffering, and economic losses they inflicted on the world, including Missourians.” Republican Attorney General Eric Schmitt in a written statement said the Chinese government lied about the dangers of the virus and didn’t do enough to slow its spread. “The Chinese government lied to the world about the danger and contagious nature of COVID-19, silenced whistleblowers, and did little to stop the spread of the disease,” he said. “They must be held accountable for their actions.” It’s unclear whether the lawsuit will have much, if any, impact. U.S. law generally prohibits lawsuits against other countries with few exceptions, said Chimène Keitner, an international law professor at University of California, Hastings College of the Law. “The legal problem is, it’s just not possible,” said Keitner, who recently wrote a blog titled “Don’t Bother Suing China for Coronavirus.” Missouri Democratic Party Executive Director Lauren Gepford called the lawsuit a “stunt” by a Republican attorney general who is up for re-election this year. The number of Missouri deaths statewide rose by 16 Tuesday to 215, according to Johns Hopkins University’s Center for Systems Science and Engineering. The number of cases rose by 156 to 5,963. For most people, the coronavirus causes mild or moderate symptoms, such as fever and cough that clear up in two to three weeks. For some, especially older adults and people with existing health problems, it can cause more severe illness, including pneumonia, and death.
There are days where social media scares me so much that I sometimes wonder where we will end up in the future. Throughout the years we have seen several Internet challenges that teenagers stupidly have partaken in, like the Tide Pod Challenge, the #brighteyechallenge, the boiling tampon challenge, and the #cerealchallenge. Those are just a few mind you, there are way more on the Internet that you do not want to know about. But this one, this challenge broke my heart into two. Turns out a 12-year-old boy was badly burned after his own friends decided to set him on fire to complete a social media stunt called the Fire Challenge. The Michigan boy’s mother, Tabitha Cleary, said her son Jason suffered second-degree burns after his friend sprayed him with nail polish remover and lit him on fire. The boy was hospitalized for a total of four days after the incident which took place at a friend’s house. Honestly, this to me seems just ridiculous. Setting a person on fire to make you “famous” is not cool or exciting in any other way. This kid could have seriously gotten hurt way worse. But, apparently, this wasn’t the first time the boys tried the challenge. The first time they were able to put it out quickly since it didn’t spread enough to create a full fire. The second time, the flames flared up enough to burn Jason’s arms, torso, and neck. What makes the situation even worse is that the Fire Challenge is not necessarily new. According to the University of Iowa Injury Prevention Research Center, the fire challenge started showing up around 2010. Several other social media pranks like this one involve boiling water which followed several years later. Back in 2016 a boy from Queens, New York was also badly burned after he decided to spray himself with rubbing alcohol and set himself on fire so he could post the video online. According to WDIV, two years ago a 12-year-old girl from Detroit spent two months in the hospital after suffering second and third-degree burns in the dangerous challenge. Do these kids not realize that they’re putting their lives in danger to get a few likes here and there on Facebook? It’s really dumb, and at the pace we’re going at, I’m really scared of what can happen in the future. Parents, I know we can’t control what children do nowadays, but if you see someone buying flammable liquid such as acetone or alcohol, maybe try to talk to them before they seriously burn their friends or themselves.
While we wait for more positive news coming from anything coronavirus related, bright recovery stories from COVID-19 from all over the world will never be redundant. A special coronavirus case in Scotland really leads the way to the beginning of the end of this pandemic. A three-week-old baby girl is believed to be Scotland’s youngest coronavirus patient to recover. Her name is Peyton Maguire, born to 27-year-old mother Tracy Maguire, a digital marketing student, and 28-year-old father AJ Maguire, a personal trainer, at University Hospital Wishaw. Tracy was forced to have a C-section on March 26th, eight weeks prematurely because she got diagnosed with pre-eclampsia. Peyton was only a 3lb 11oz baby. While in an incubator in the neonatal unit, on April 15th, the tiny baby was sniffling, and was then tested for many issues including COVID-19. Although the baby had no symptoms of the coronavirus, she still tested positive to her parent’s dismay. Although doctors wanted Peyton’s parents to stay away for fourteen days, Tracy begged to be isolated with her new baby while AJ stayed at home. The hospital staff and medical team allowed her to, while also prioritizing the development of the baby over their own lives. Tracy mentioned, “The staff kindly agreed I could to isolate with her in the hospital while AJ stayed at home. Watching the staff at work was incredible. They put their lives at risk to make sure my baby was getting fed and cuddled. Even wearing their PPE, they were determined to hold her.” Now, after two negative coronavirus tests, to the delight of her parents, Peyton is with them in their home in Bellshill, North Lanarkshire. She is incredibly appreciative of the hospital staff and hopes her story and experience during these times will help anyone hesitant to go to the hospital in the near future. Her message to everyone during the coronavirus pandemic about health care workers is that “they shouldn’t be worried about going into hospital to give birth because the staff know exactly what they need to do to protect everyone from the virus. And if people have symptoms of a serious health problem, like she did, they shouldn’t be scared to go to the hospital and get checked out because just leaving it could make their condition worse.” Let’s make sure this positive story of hope also reminds us of how hard our health care workers are working on the front lines against COVID-19. The medical team at University Hospital Wishaw giving the fantastic care Peyton needed sets an incredible example of the sacrifices health care workers are making to help in this coronavirus crisis.
Do love the feeling of grass under your feet? If so I bey you had no problem walking around the yard without shoes on as a kid. Of course, my mom got onto me for it, asking, “You got all those shoes in your closet, and won’t put a pair on?” Anyway, these grass flip flops are what dreams are made of.


Some of you like the feeling of sand between your toes, and some of you like the feeling of real grass under your feet. Of course, the grass sandals aren’t made from real grass. Forget the smell of fresh-cut grass. Have you ever walked on it? The grass slippers are made from rich synthetic grass and are a fun gift idea for anyone who grew up walking around outside barefoot. Customers say they’re durable flip flops and feel great! COVID-19 may be keeping some of you away from parks and camping trips where we’d be in touch with nature. Here’s how you can get your green grass fix. These high-quality flip flops came just in time. They’re well-made and genuinely look like patches of grass are glued to your flip flops. They come in three unique styles, black green, camo green, and white pink. It’s a great gift idea for everyday wear for the tree-hugger in your life, or for anyone who just likes to be barefoot after mowing. I might have to get a pair.
Since this whole COVID-19 business some churches are sure coming up with some clever signs...


Some people are so stupid about this whole thing.



Ugh! I have good news though. The animals are returning to the purest state.


Nature is healing. That's so stupid. That's as stupid as...


Hahaha. Are you like me and think when you see a Simpsons character looking forward it looks weird?


When I saw this pic recently on the Internet it reminded me of something...


Then it hit me.



Hi-diddly-ho. Haha. So, it's good to wear masks when you go out and globes but some people are taking it way too far. By the way, I got my Batman mask in the mail today. Yay! Anyway, like I said some people are taking it way too far...


I like it. Haha. So, once again the Simpsons predicted something...


Hahahahahahaha. This is Match versus April...


Now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here is...


Top Phive Things Said About The Coronavirus In The Last Few Months
5. Pretty weird how there's always trillion dollars just lying around whenever corporations need to be bailed out but there's never any money when children need healthcare or a simple school lunch. Oh well, just one of those things I guess.
4. I love standing six feet apart in line at the grocery store actually. Let's do this forever.
3. You just know the Americans are gonna be making films about COVID-19 where they make it out like they single handily ended the whole pandemic themselves. Someone like the Rock will play the badass scientist who finds the cure while also fighting terrorists for some reason.
2. So cool to see the billionaires giving back in a time of crisis. Why don't we make this a regular thing? Perhaps annual? Their "donation" could even be based on a percentage of their income. Maybe the IRS could oversee it?
And the number one thing said about the coronavirus in the last few weeks is...
1. Turns out a major component every zombie movie was missing was a large contingent of people just straight up refusing to admit that a zombie apocalypse was happening.




If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Haha. Okay, it's time to check in on my favorite place in the world... Port Jefferson.


Nothing going on there at all.


"The Simpsons"
"The Simpsons" was a critically acclaimed animated series from 1989-1998.



The prince who skipped the test line and then took the virus to Scotland.


I hate to say it but it's true.


President Donald Trump said Monday that he will sign an executive order “to temporarily suspend immigration into the United States” because of the coronavirus. “In light of the attack from the Invisible Enemy, as well as the need to protect the jobs of our GREAT American Citizens, I will be signing an Executive Order to temporarily suspend immigration into the United States!” Trump tweeted. He offered no details as to what immigration programs might be affected by the order. The White House did not immediately elaborate on Trump’s tweeted announcement. Trump has taken credit for his restrictions on travel to the U.S. from China and hard-hit European countries, arguing it contributed to slowing the spread of the virus in the U.S. But he has yet to extend those restrictions to other nations now experiencing virus outbreaks. Due to the pandemic, almost all visa processing by the State Department, including immigrant visas, has been suspended for weeks. More than 750,000 Americans have come down with COVID-19 and more than 42,000 have died.



A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year." They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year. " The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him." They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's rib, said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one." The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."



Today's guest is an American television comedy writer and author. He served as a show-runner, writer and producer for the animated series "The Simpsons" and co-created the animated series "The Critic." His memoir Springfield Confidential: Jokes, Secrets, and Outright Lies from a Lifetime Writing for The Simpsons is the 121st book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club. Please welcome to the Phile... Mike Reiss.


Me: Mike, sir, welcome to the Phile. I'm so glad you're here. How are you?

Mike: Hello, Jason, great to be here. Yeardley says hello.

Me: Yay! She remembers me! Yeardley was on the Phile not long ago and said she would get you to get in touch with me so I can interview you and here you are! She she kept her word. 

Mike: I'm glad.

Me: I love your book Springfield Confidential. So, the show has "predicted" an uncanny amount of stuff, Mike, and one of them was President Trump which was a punchline. How did you guys predict that and why? Hahaha.

Mike: That was weird joke too where everybody loves to grab the credit but no one has the foggiest idea who thought of it. It was one joke 21 years ago but we get all this credit now for being prophets. As far as I know we called three things right, there was the big one, Disney buying Fox. I did the math, we do a 100 joke per episode, we did almost 700 episodes, which is about 66,000 jokes and three of those came true so for every joke we get right we get 22,000 wrong. That still makes us some of the best psychics in America.

Me: So, where are you from, Mike?

Mike: Bristol, Connecticut where the best view of Bristol is in the rearview mirror. I have a great fineness for the place, I definitely used a lot of it on "The Simpsons." It's a small factory town. I mentioned in the book every time you ask someone who lives in Bristol what it's like they always say it's like the town in The Deer Hunter. I never know if they mean Bethlehem, Pennsylvania or Saigon. It was a blue collar factory town, all my friends dads were Homer Simpson. This was before ESPN came in and completely changed the town.

Me: Where did you meet your writing partner Al Jean?

Mike: At Harvard and I still resent the place. I wish some sinkhole would open up under Harvard. I also met my wife there. And I learned about mayonnaise. Us Jewish people never heard of if before and I tried it and thought his stuff is awesome.

Me: You wrote for The Lampoon there, what was that experience like?

Mike: Obviously it was life changing. It was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I went to Harvard only because they had a humor magazine. I never thought I'd be a humor writer or a comedy writer. It just appealed to me, a humor magazine. My first day of Harvard I just knocked on the door and said, "I'm here, I'd like to help." It's very rigorous long hard competition. I went for it once, I didn't get on, I went for it again and if I didn't get on that second time I would've left Harvard. It had no other appeal for me but I got on and that's where I met everybody I spend the rest of my life with. Half "The Simpsons" staff comes out from The Harvard Lampoon. We were just guys sitting around being funny that was all there was to it. It was just us sitting and loafing and making jokes all day and that has been exactly the way the rest of my career has been.

Me: What made you write the book now and put it out?

Mike: I got tricked into it. A journalist named Mat Klickstein, who I never met but talked to him on the phone a couple of times, called me up and said, "Here's my plan. I'm going to book you ten lectures across America and you and I are going to drive all over the country and I'm going to learn Mike Reiss' take on America. That will be the book and there won't be any Simpsons stuff in it at all." So here we are two years later, there were no lectures, I never been in a car with Mat Klickstein and the book is 90% Simpsons. It sounds ludicrous but if he came to me and said, "You're going to write a book about the Simpsons." I would say no way, I don't want to do that, its not fair for me to do it and it could get me in trouble at work. I'm glad I was sort of eased into it by inches that way.

Me: Has anyone mentioned in the book read it yet? It's been out for almost two years.

Mike: I gave it to Al Jean and Al Jean is my best friend, he's been the show runner for "The Simpsons" for 20 years but he also has total recall. I was afraid to give to him because he would find a hundred things wrong in the book. But he didn't, he liked it, he knows how to deal with the press and he said, "Wow, you dodged a lot of mines with this one." I appreciated it, to meant the world to me that he liked it.

Me: What do you think the big takeaway from the book is?

Mike: You read the book, the one thing I learned from writing it is the one reason "The Simpsons" is such a success it is's such a nice place, there is no friction, we don't fight, everyone respects each other. Its like a commune and that is it, there's a little bit of dirt in the first two pages and then on page 180 there's a little more dirt but mostly it's a great, happy, funny story about how we make the show. 

Me: What was the hardest thing about writing the book?

Mike: Mat Kickstein said we have to watch a lot of my old stuff. I don't watch anything, I do it and move on.

Me: So, how did you get the job on "The Simpsons"?

Mike: I was on break from "The Garry Shandling Show" which was the lowest rated show on TV and I get a call from I think Sam Simon that they were doing this show in the summer and would I want to work on it. I said, "Why are you calling me?" And he said, "Because everybody else had turned it down." So we took the job and a lot of people turned it down and I think it was Jay Kogen, the one writer we've ever had on the show who's the song of another comedy writer, his father said, "Don't do this. This is a carrier killer." There hasn't been a cartoon in prime time in 30 years and it was on Fox which had just started up and had a very skanky reputation. So we did that show that summer, it was just a summer job and we thought it'll be nothing more than that. We thought nobody is going to watch this, let's just have some fun.

Me: I started watching it from the beginning on Disney+ and I couldn't believe how crude the animation was back then, am I right?

Mike: The great story is of course we made thirteen before we ever saw a finished episode. Nobody even knew how to make a weekly animated show, nobody had done it since "The Flintstones" and so we were making it up as we went along. The great story is the first episode came back and it was horrible, it wasn't funny, it looked really weird, the animators thought the script was no good and so they put a lot of their own jokes into it and it was unwatchable. "The Simpsons" nearly got canceled before it ever debuted and that was it. We were in deep trouble until the second episode came back a week from Korea where it was animated. And that one was a gem, I think that was "Bart the Genius" where he goes to genius school and that come back really great and we thought, okay, maybe we've got a show here.

Me: Lisa was completely different, am I right?

Mike: The first line we ever wrote for Lisa was, "Let's go throw rocks at the swans." Lisa was just a girl Bart.

Me: And Marge didn't have a name in the beginning, right?

Mike: Marge was called "mom" at the time. There were all these t-shirts where they just called her "mom." It was funny, too, we were writing the whole first season, several writers writing at once, all the writers had different names. Al and I called Mr. Burns "Mr. Meany," Jay Kogen called Marge "Juliet." He thought won't that be cute, like Romeo and Juliet. There was no cohesion or consistency to those early scripts.

Me: How did the staff settle on the scripts and putting it all together?

Mike: There was no staff per say, it was all Sam Simon and Matt Groening going over the scripts. That was Al and my job, we'd come in like two days a week and do a very quick rewrite, just pulling the shows together. But it was very light work considering we work hundred of hours on every episode now. Every script written now for "The Simpsons" goes through a month of rewrite. At the time it was two or three hours and we'd go that's good enough.

Me: It took about nine or two months to do one episode, is that right?

Mike: Correct. Now with it being computer generated it still takes nine months. It's a nine month process and it's the animation that takes the longest. In two months we write a script, we rewrite it for a month, we record it, then they do storyboards like a 300 page comic book version of the show, then they animate that. They marry that comic book tour audio track. It's called an animatic, a very rough black and white version of the show. We watch that in a room and it's barely a show, it looks like cave paintings. We requite from that, we change 30% of the script, we send it off to Korea. I hope your readers are not getting bored, Jason. The process is like how a bill becomes a law.

Me: If they are bored screw 'em. Haha. I think this is cool. So, you rewrite it and how long does that take?

Mike: Another two months.

Me: Why is that?

Mike: Because there's 24,000 hand drawn drawing for every episode. It's not computerized, we never computerized. The process we use works. It's been working for us so we keep them in business. Hundreds and hundreds of Korean children drawing "The Simpsons."

Me: The show is such a topical show though, right?

Mike: Everyone calls it a topical show... "they're always making fun of what's in the headlines." No we're not! It's a nine month old show. We're making fun of what happened a year ago.

Me: What about the Super Bowl episode? You got the teams name right. How did you do that?

Mike: I forgot how we did that. I think we would loop in the team names at the last minute. I think we would call the winner of the Super Bowl every year. It was the Lisa and Homer bet on the Super Bowl. It's a very early episode, it would run every year in Super Bowl season down would loop in the names of the teams. It's just a little bit of dubbing and I think we always call the Super Bowl right. It's funny, we have all these gamblers on the show, we used to have a bookie the show and they just love it.

Me: I'm a Giants fan, Mike, who do you like?

Mike: I know nothing about sports, but I always say just pick the favorite. Who's the favorite, that's who is going to win the Super Bowl. That's all we did and we were always right. Shows you how little there really is to sports betting.

Me: When Sam Simon left the show how different was working for the show?

Mike: It was hard. Sam ran a tight show. He was the master, I never met anyone so accomplished at show running. He was just like an orchestra conductor.

Me: Why did he leave the show?

Mike: Because of the success of "The Simpsons" they gave Jim Brooks a giant deal at ABC to make shows and they put Sam in charge of that company. So he had to move on. They put Al and me in charge who had never ran anything I said the biggest thing I ever ran up to that point was the dishwasher.

Me: So, how did you feel getting that role?

Mike: We were scared to death and all we could do was throw work at it. Just work hard, hard, hard and motivate by content fear, we didn't want to wreck this beloved American institution. I know the staff was a little shocked, they were used to getting out at 5 o'clock every day and suddenly they were working until 8 or 10 at night. They didn't realize they would go home at 10 grumbling and Al and I would do the work that show runners do and work until 2 in the morning and we'd be back at 8 the next morning. It was so hard but I loved those guys, I loved being in that room full of those guys but I hated running the show. I gained 70 pounds the two years I ran the show. I was praying give me a heart attack, if you could imagine that. I was hoping to get a heart attack, that would get me a few weeks off the show because it was such hard work. 

Me: So, who is the hardest character to write?

Mike: It's hard to write for Marge because we don't relate to her. But everyone says it's hard to write for Bart.

Me: Why is that?

Mike: Because none of our writers were "Bart," they were all "Lisa," they were all brainy kids with no friends and we don't know what its like to write for a popular kid.

Me: What's the easiest character to write for?

Mike: We are able to write for bullies very well because we were all bullied. Homer is easy because we're all "Homer" now, we're a bunch of fat, angry guys who hate our jobs.

Me: Bart is the main character on the show, right? Or is it Homer?

Mike: Homer is the character we all gravitated to. Homer gets to adult things that adults do. Another thing is he's a comedy writers dream, he has everything wrong with him... he's fat and bald and ugly and stupid and he's an alcoholic and he has anger issues and he's lazy. It hit me one day, he has all 7 deadly sins. Then in season 4 Al and I wrote a joke where Homer walks into a pet shop and the owner says, "What is that terrible smell?" And George Meyer goes, "I guess Homer smells now too."

Me: You were the show runner for seasons 3 and 4... everybody says the best seasons. What do you think of that?

Mike: That's really not the best but that's nice.

Me: So, the Michael Jackson episode was on one of them. What was it like working with him?

Mike: People have to remember we met the King of Pop when he was the biggest thing in the universe. Literally nobody has been as big as Michael Jackson was back then. The Beatles was that big, Elvis was that big, nobody since. He calls and said, "I want to do 'The Simpsons.'" We went okay and it was all hands on deck, everyone had to come up with stories. Jim Brooks finally pitched out the story we winded up doing where Homer goes to the mental hospital and meets a mental patient who thinks he's Michael Jackson. Al and I had to write the script, right at the same time we were running the show so that script was written at 11 at night. We had zero faith Michael was actually going to do the show. It seemed such a fools errand but we wrote it and Michael gave notes and his notes were brilliant. Then we went to his managers house who was Sandy Galin. Everybody in this story is dead by the way. Sandy Galin's house was so big he said he hasn't been to every room in his house. We did the reading and I was sitting next to Michael and he was so strong. You don't think of him being strong but he as so muscular I thought Michael Jackson could kick my ass. But he was such a nice guy and he wrote "Lisa, It's Your Birthday" and he wrote that song for the episode. I'm sitting two feet way from him at the table reading at Sandy Galin's house and it was such electrifying. He was singing "Thriller" and "Bad" and all the songs. He came in and did the show and his manager made all these demands, Michael is going to need a trailer, it has to be 80 to 90 degrees, he needs four kinds of boiled water there and fresh fruit. Then Michael comes in with no entourage, doesn't go anywhere near the trailer. He came in and shook hands with everyone and we recorded his acting which was terrible. Jim Brooks, and Oscar winning director came in and directed him and did the best that he could. He couldn't act but at least he was going to sing. Then when he was going to sing he says, "Kip, can you come in here?" Then this little white guy named Kipp Lennon comes in and sings Michael Jackson's songs. He says, "This is my authorized soundalike Kipp Lennon." We said, "Michael, why are you doing this?" He said, "It's a joke on my brothers." We never understood that. If you watch that show it's sort of a dark secret... Michael acting, Kipp Lennon singing and the great thing is Kipp Lennon is actually making fun of Michael Jackson. It's sort of a parody of how Michael sings and he was just laughing and laughing at this.

Me: So Michael had a sense of humor?

Mike: Yeah, he had a great sense of humor. It was a lovely experience.

Me: Who were the best guest stars you had on the show?

Mike: It was great to meet Elizabeth Taylor, it was great to meet Johnny Carson, the man who had fired me years before.

Me: Elizabeth Taylor was Maggie, which is weird, right?

Mike: Yeah, and she said she'd only do the show if we'd animate her ring on the show. We had to write jokes about her ring.

Me: That's odd. why was this, do you know?

Mike: I don't know, it might've been a tax write off if the ring got work. She could claim it as an dependent. We get the sort of weird demands once in a while. When Aerosmith was on the show we had to animate their manager into the show. I think they fired their manager so we had to erase them out of the show.

Me: So, you live in New York, right, but work at "The Simpsons" in L.A. How does that work? 

Mike: I thought why am I living in L.A. if I only have to be at "The Simpsons" one day a week? So my wife said I complain the least in New York, "The Simpsons" isn't going to run forever. So I moved New York and every Wednesday is the day I show up at "The Simpsons." Tuesday night I fly from New York to L.A. I work one day at "The Simpsons," I get out and eat at 10 o'clock at night and fly back on a red eye to New York. It's insane, I have a 6000 mile commute, I have one night a week where I have to sleep on an airplane but I love it. I love living in New York and I love my Simpsons job for the last 30 plus years. It's the most fun, the most rewarding and the most supportive.

Me: How did they determine which writers were gonna work on the movie?

Mike: I don't want to make fun of Jim Brooks but Jim Brooks chose the writers he knew the names of. All the show runners that worked on the show worked on it except Oakley and Weinstein who were on another project. It was very logical.

Me: What was it like writing the film?

Mike: I've never been part of something so professional in my life considering we were a bunch of comedy writers. We would come in at 10 in the morning and just work. We'd never go off topic and we would just write this thing, The way we wrote it was we work out the story as a group and then we broke it in seven chunk and said everyone wrote a chunk and come back it two weeks and we'll out to together. It was a Frankenstein process there was no reason that would work but that first script we stitched together worked pretty good then we kelt rewriting it and I thought by the fifth draft we really nailed it. I said this was a polished great fun script. But what aired in the movie theaters was the 165th draft.

Me: So, why did it take 17 years for a movie to come out?

Mike: We didn't want to do it. We said what can we give people what we don't give them every week on TV. Fox said look, they showed us market research that said the public wants this more than anything. So we said we'll work on the movie but we had put in the contract that we can pull the plug on this at any time. It was a lot of hard work but the story that we came up with in an afternoon was very strange.

Me: Mike, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Please come back again and we'll talk about "The Critic" and "Queer Duck" and other stuff.

Mike: Thanks, this was so much fun. Thank you, Jason.

Me: Tell Yeardley I said hello. Stay well.

Mike: I will.





That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guest Mike Reiss. That was a great interview. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Phile Alumni Wesley Schultz and Jeremiah Fraites from the Lumineers. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

































I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon

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