Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Pheaturing Susan Harris


Hey, kids, good afternoon, welcome to the Phile for a Tuesday. How are you? A Manhattan jury has found the disgraced and disgraceful former film financier Harvey Weinstein guilty of a criminal sexual act in the first degree and rape in the third degree. He now faces a minimum of five years in prison and maximum of twenty-nine. Weinstein now joins the 0.7% of rapists convicted for their crimes, and the small circle of rich white men in America who face consequences for their behavior. "That cheering you hear is the sound of female journalists finally being able to drop the 'alleged' before 'rapist Harvey Weinstein' in their columns," tweeted author Jessica Valenti. CNN reports that Weinstein was handcuffed in the courtroom and escorted out by security. Bye bitch! Couldn't have happened to a worse creep! Harvey Weinstein wasn't the only famous person in court yesterday. Jussie Smollett, the actor whose credits include "Empire" and allegedly staging a hate crime against himself, was back in court yesterday for his arraignment on six new felony charges. A new indictment charges with the "disorderly conduct" of lying to the cops. It's soooo seventeen scandals ago, but you may recall that Smollett claimed he was attacked in Chicago by two white men who called him racist and homophobic slurs, threw a noose around his neck, and then poured bleach on him. Two black men, brothers Abel and Ola Osundario, later confessed to having been paid by Smollett to stage the attack. Incredible: Smollett isn't just an actor, but a writer and director, too! And now, an indicted felon.
A North Carolina man stole and beat a dog named Tigger, stabbed it to death and used a chain saw to cut in half, authorities said. Investigators told media outlets that Jonathan Maxey Bulluck Jr., 23 of Rocky Mount was charged with felony animal cruelty and felony larceny of a dog... a brown bullmastiff that was owned by his aunt. “The suffering that the dog endured… it was like something out of a horror movie,” Sheriff Calvin Woodard said in a statement. “This was just a heinous act from the beginning to the end. This was just down right immorally wrong.” The dog’s owner told deputies that after she arrived home Friday, her nephew, who was staying the night with her, said her dog jumped on a 2-year-old, who was also staying at the home, according to the sheriff’s office. She told officials that she found no injuries on the child, Samuel said. When she woke up Saturday morning, Bulluck was no longer there, and Tigger was off its leash, officials said. She told deputies that she remembered her nephew had made a statement that he “would’ve killed the dog,” Samuel said. She called authorities after she couldn’t reach Bulluck. Deputies and family members eventually found the dog’s body in a shallow grave, down a dirt path off Robbins Road. Officials said the investigation showed that Bulluck stole the dog sometime during the night Friday, carried the dog down a long dirt path and beat the dog until it was unconscious, Samuel said. After that, Bulluck stabbed the dog to death, and used a chainsaw to cut the dog in half so that it would fit into a shallow grave, officials said. Only half the dog’s body was found, deputies said.
A Texas daycare is under investigation after a video went viral on social media, showing one of it’s employing pulling a 3-year-old girl’s hair. In the video, one can see a daycare worker at My Little Playhouse Center pulling on Amyra Wilson’s braids, to stop her from falling asleep, forcing her to eat. The employee is heard saying, “No ma’am, eat your food,” as she grabs on and pulls on the child’s hair harshly from the lunch table to sit her straight. She is then heard saying, “She’s for real making me mad,” as she briefly lets go of the child, and grabs her hair once more, yanking her backward as she tries to leave the table. The person behind the camera, who was identified as another employee, is heard laughing throughout the video. Amyra parents saw the video online, and were horrified by the incident. Her mother, Laquitta Wilson said both parents were an emotional wreck, and were angry and hurt at the same time. Wilson not only believed her daughter was physically abused by an adult who they paid for, but was scared for the safety not only of her daughter but other children. Amyra’s mother wasn’t the only one who was upset about the whole situation. The video has now gained more than 3,000 comments, where users are both shocked and outraged. The case is currently under investigation by the Lubbock Police Department, but My Little Playhouse Learning Center released a statement saying both daycare employees involved were immediately fired after owners saw the video. No one has been arrested or charged at the time. The daycare added that both the Texas Department of Child Care Licensing and local authorities were made aware of the incident and are investigating the case. This isn’t the first incident that occurs at the daycare. According to the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services, the daycare center has had over 19 violations since 2016, ranging from deficiencies in areas free from hazards to reaching their documentation training. The parents are now looking into taking legal action. This whole situation is devastating. This little girl shouldn’t of have been treated that way, despite the situation. What scares me the most is not knowing if this was the first incident. If she was hurt like that, imagine how many other toddlers have suffered by the hands of these workers. Just something to think about. A little advice…maybe don’t work at a daycare center if you don’t have patience. Unless you want some assault charges and jail time.
If you were wondering what the exact opposite of the “serve” part of “to protect and serve” would be, in regard to what the police promise to do for the public, this might be it. A homeless man who is probably going to be able to afford a nicer home than me pretty soon is suing the Honolulu Police Department, claiming two of its officers forced him to lick the urinal in a public restroom they found him sleeping in, that being what they considered the price to allow him to stay in there. Samuel Ingall says that in January of 2018 he was attempting to seek shelter in a public restroom when a police offer took what he describes as an aggressive tone with him. The officer... whose professional idol is apparently, instead of literally any competent older officer, every ’80s and ’90s movie bully... told Ingall that the only way he could avoid being arrested for his trespassing was to lick the public bathroom’s urinal. The officer’s partner stood in the doorway and acted as a lookout while the situation occurred. Feeling he had no other option, Ingall knelt down and licked the urinal. Then, after it was all over, the cops, who somehow managed to be shittier than every toilet in the bathroom they’d just left, walked out of the bathroom and laughed and bragged to other cops about what they’d just made Ingall do. After the case came to her attention, HPD Chief Susan Ballard turned over the case to the FBI. The officer who forced Ingall to lick the urinal, John Rabago, has already pleaded guilty to denying Ingall his civil rights and is currently, somehow, still on the force, though he is on restricted duty. Reginald Ramones, the officer on the lookout, pleaded guilty to a lesser charge, simply admitting that he knew Rabago was denying Ingall his civil rights. Ramones left the HPD in August. Currently, Ingall is living at a residential substance abuse program but has plans to go live in a clean and sober house soon. Then, like I said, he can presumably go live in some pretty nice digs after he gets paid for having his civil rights literally and figuratively disgustingly abused.
Question! What do you do when you’re insanely drunk and can’t seem to find one of your biggest possessions? What If I told you that your biggest possession just happens to be your hoodie? Well, you call the cops, duh! Kidding, don’t do that, or else you’ll end up like 32-year-old Harves Gardner who was charged for the most ridiculous thing in the world. I love drunk people. According to authorities, a confused and very intoxicated Gardner frantically called the cops a total of 25 times in search of his lost sweatshirt. So, frustrated with his ridiculous and idiotic actions, Gardner was quickly arrested by annoyed cops and is now facing felony charges of disrupting public services. A cop who responded to the man noted that the man didn’t really have an emergency, rather he only wanted rides around town to find his missing hoodie. Why? Who knows, but maybe it was a childhood possession or something? Or maybe he had something in his pockets that he was eager to find. I mean, that has to be the only viable explanation right? Then again, he was drunk, so who knows. But then again... I do have to admit that sometimes all you need in life is a good hoodie to make your day. So, there’s that. So, trying to save this man from getting arrested, after the first few calls, police told the intoxicated man to simply go back to bed and call it a night. But, not accepting that answer one bit, he kept calling the cops and continued to provide them different locations for them to respond to and find his lost hoodie. That’s when police decided that enough was enough and they booked him into Hamilton County Justice Center. In Ohio, disruption of public services is a fourth-degree felony and is punishable by up to 18 months in prison and a fine of $5,000. I swear, it’s like some people are just begging to get arrested. I’m surprised this didn’t take place in Florida.
Hey, kids, did you see the new porn on Pornhub? It's called "teacher punishes evil little billionaire." Check it out...


Hahaha. The NFL has changed another teams name and logo...

I kinda like it. Da Bears. Do you know what an Influencer is? I don't really but I do know they are out there in the wild. Like these ones...


Take that pic, baby. Sometimes journalists make mistakes, which leads to some entertaining editorials... like this one.


Huh? So, today's guest, Susan Harris created the show "The Golden Girls." I saw the original publicity pic for the show and I was confused.


They look kinda hip, right? So, there's going to be a new version of "The Golden Girls" coming out and I have the first group promo shot...


Hahahahaha. Of course "The Golden Girls" is not to be confused a similar show...


"The Grohlden Girls." Hahahaha. That's so stupid. That's as stupid as...


Hey, future kids, this is the Fantastic Four...


Now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...


Top Phive Things Said By Americans Who Were Confused By Geography, Other Cultures, Or History
5. OMG. I just read that China is 12 hours ahead of America... why didn't they warn us about 9/11? That's such bullshit. Fuck you, China, like three billon people died!
4. Isn't Magna Carta the ship Christopher Columbus came to America on?
3. What state is Toronto in?
2. Just saying... the PLEDGE of ALLEGIANCE says "to the REPUBLIC for which is stands..." not the DEMOCRAT. Enough said.
And the number one thing said by an American who was confused by geography, other cultures or history was...
1. Do the British use forks or is there some kind of English utensil skin to chopsticks?




If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. A friend of the Phile wants to stop by and tell us something he is excited about. He's the fanciest man in town, please welcome back...


Samual: Hello, Jason, my good friend, how are you?

Me: I'm good, Samual. How are you?

Samual: I am splendid. I just came back from Las Vegas.

Me: Nice. Did you have a good time?

Samual: Yes, sir, but I thought casinos were fancy...

Me: They're not? Haha.

Samual: Well, expectation: a scene from Act I of a Bond film. In reality though fifty people in sneakers and jeans who should be on suicide watch.

Me: Yeah, casinos in Vegas are not fancy at all.

Samual: Do you know what is fancy though?

Me: Ummm... nope.

Samual: Crystal animals. I used to get them for my mom every birthday. I have no idea why. She did not collect them nor show any interest in crystal/collectible figurines. I just think they were so classy.

Me: I see. Is that it?

Samual: Yes, my dear Jason. I'm off to have an early dinner now.

Me: Where at?

Samual: The fanciest Italian restaurant there is... the Olive Garden. See you later.

Me: Samual Phancy, the fanciest man in town, kids.



The 115th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...


Jeff will be on the Phile a week from today... next Tuesday.


Phact 1. After Pearl Harbor, Seattle’s Boeing Aircraft Manufacturing Plant was camouflaged as an entire suburb to protect it from air strikes.

Phact 2. Florida Man Carl Tanzler, an X-ray tech, fell in love with a patient and exhumed her body when she died to sleep with her corpse for 7 years. Charges were dropped because the statute of limitations expired by the time anyone found out.

Phact 3. February 4th is the National Ice Cream for Breakfast Day.

Phact 4. When Dungeons & Dragons was released, various groups believed it was a front for murderous Satanists. This lead to Tom Hanks’ first starring role in the TV propaganda movie Mazes and Monsters, in which he becomes his D&D character and stabs a hobo in Manhattan because he thought it was a goblin.

Phact 5. President Lincoln formed the Secret Service on the same day that he was assassinated.



Today's guest is an American television comedy writer and producer. She created numerous TV series such as "Soap," "Benson," "It Takes Two," and "The Golden Girls." Please welcome to the Phile... Susan Harris.


Me: Susan, thank you for being on the Phile. How are you?

Susan: Hi, Jason, I'm a big fan of your blog, so thanks for having me here.

Me: Thank you. I have to admit I was surprised when I got the email from you saying that. You have created so many popular shows and wrote so many stand out episodes. How did you first get into writing?

Susan: I was taking a class in short story writing and I wrote a short story. I met a friend in a supermarket who had just gotten divorced and neither one of us had any visible means of support and we both had young children. She read the story and she took the story to a friend who got it to a producer of a show called "And Then Came Bronson." They needed a script and they told us to go write one based on the short story. And then I met Garry Marshall who kind of took me under his wing and asked the producers of "Love American Style" if they'd let me write an episode. They were very short episodes, they were eight to ten minutes long and they gave me ten more episodes. That started the whole thing.

Me: Is this what you were dreaming of doing, becoming a TV writer? That's what I wanted to do growing up.

Susan: Oh, absolutely not. I never thought of it but one night I was watching television and I said, "I could do that. It's so bad, I could do that." It just came very naturally. I had no idea I was funny, I still don't think as myself as funny... only on paper. That's what started it.

Me: You wrote for the comedy show "All In the Family" and then years later you created "The Golden Girls." Where did the idea for this show come from?

Susan: I was not looking to do another television show. I was exhausted from "Soap," but my husband Paul Witt and his partner Tony Thomas they took a meeting at one of the studios and whoever was there at the time said, "We have a show on called 'Miami Vice.' What about doing a show called "Miami Nice' with old women?" My husband came home and said, "Listen. we were just at NBC..." I said, "No, no, no. Don't even mention it." He said, "Old women." Now I always liked writing older people because they have stories and young people are always difficult for me to write because they don't have stories. They don't have much of a past behind them. I said, "Old women? I'll do it." The network, when they said old, they meant 40-year-olds. I said, "No, no, when I'm talking about old I mean 60 or 70-year-olds." We decided not to have a discussion about age and for me to just go ahead and write the script. So we never discussed age after that, they were in some area of middle to older age. They were whatever age the person watching wanted them to be.

Me: Is their one of the four women that you related more to than the others?

Susan: I think Dorothy and maybe Sophia.

Me: Why those two?

Susan: I think it's because each one of them has a mouth and said what they thought so they were a little bit like me.

Me: Who was the easiest character to write?

Susan: Dorothy. Bea Arthur could get a laugh on a look, I really don't have to write for her.

Me: If you watched the pilot today of the show what would you think?

Susan: It'll make me laugh. It's been a long time. Those women are so funny. I should start watching "The Golden Girls" again. It'll become new again.

Me: The show premiered at number one. Why do you think the show was so popular with so many people?

Susan: That's a good question. I think it was the notion that at any age being alone someone could create their own family. They didn't have to rely on family, they could create one of their own and these women did that. They all came together and they had each other. I think that was a very hopeful message to a lot of people that they could do that. They didn't have to seem themselves at a certain age winding up lonely and alone.

Me: So, one thing I remember about "The Golden Girls" was four old women talking about sex all the time. How was it in 1985 that the show was full of older women talking about their sex lives? 

Susan: If it was a big deal and I don't know if it was I think people could breathe a sigh of relief if they never heard that before, or other things before that we were able to do with little or no opposition. And once we got the viewers they stayed with us. It was interesting to us because we had young kids watching who were fans and much older people who were big fans. It really spanned several generations.

Me: There was an episode where Sophia defended same sex marriage to Blanche, twenty years before it became legal in the United States. What do you think about that now?

Susan: There in that episode we have a very important scene in television history.

Me: What did you want to say there?

Susan: I think it's obvious. Whatever works. Even today, which is so many years later, their are still battles about that. That still hasn't been resolved.

Me: You're talking about same sex marriages and same sex relationships, right?

Susan: Yeah. Exactly.

Me: Was it risky to take on a topic like that?

Susan: We took on plenty of rocky topics going all the way back to "Soap." We never shied away from anything that was controversial in any way.

Me: Why do you think comedy is easy to bring up "controversial" subjects?

Susan: Because comedy is much more tolerable if someone hears something they wouldn't be acceptive to hearing of it was just said straight. People accept much more easily if it's presented in the form of comedy. They find themselves laughing and they start hearing what the message is at the same time. So it's more less threatening in comedy.

Me: In one episode Rose is worried that she contracted HIV during a blood transfusion. Blanche said something like AIDS is not a bad person's disease. It's not God punishing people for their sins. That was aired in 1990, and hailed as a "political" episode. Do you consider that a political episode? 

Susan: I think we were political a lot of the time. Sometimes it was pretty unpopular, but we didn't care. Our main object was to entertain. But if in entertaining we could place some ideas and thoughts, so much the better. Once we hd the audience the few people that we offended could turn their television's off, so I really wasn't concerned about that.

Me: I have a feeling you didn't care about what people thought in general, that you were going to do what you wanted as a writer. Am I right?

Susan: That would be true. That's the Sophia and Dorothy in me.

Me: "The Golden Girls" is really popular right now for some reason, with action figures, Pop Vinyls, a Trivia Pursuit game based on the show and t-shirts. And some women are saying they want to live like the Golden Girls in the future. How does that make you feel when you hear that?

Susan: That's terrific. It's always a surprise to me that it's worked all this time and continues to work and be popular.

Me: Why do you think that is?

Susan: Because it resonates with people. It resonates with their fear of loneliness being alone. That's what we wanted to do. Clearly we succeeded.

Me: What do you think of all the merchandise that's out?

Susan: It's been a surprise to us because if they would have done all this promotion it would have made sense if they had done it while "The Golden Girls" was new and on the air years ago. There seems to be a flurry of advertising and games and you know it. 

Me: Do you have any of the merch?

Susan: I've got boxes of the shot glasses and cups and all kind of things that have suddenly appeared. I could only have so many shot glasses. If you need any "The Golden Girls" shot glasses I've got boxes of them.

Me: I have boxes of Foghat shot glasses so I'll trade you. Hahaha. So many shows are getting rebooted, Susan, would you ever be open about "The Golden Girls" coming back?

Susan: No. Never. "The Golden Girls" was "The Golden Girls." It was iconic and without those women... people wanted us to do a musical, there's huge money in doing something like that but I said no, and I said no to my partners. I said just leave it alone. It was perfect the way it was and that's it.

Me: I have one thing in common with those four women and that is I love cheesecake. What was with all that cheesecake on the show?

Susan: Well, it was to me what was considered the "good talk" scene where people could just sit around and talk like human beings. There was nothing they had to do. Television at that time was not about sitting still and talking. I think that was one of the attractions of "The Golden Girls," and it was also an attraction in "Soap." To have them sit down at the end with cheesecake...

Me: Do you like cheesecake as well, Susan?

Susan: I happen to be loyal to Oreos. They were loyal to cheesecake.

Me: Ha. Susan, thanks for being on the Phile and emailing me. Take care and please come back again so we can talk about another TV show you created. Like "Benson"...

Susan: Okay, thanks. Keep up the good work.




I should've said "thank you for being a friend." Haha. That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Susan for a great interview. The Phile will be back on Monday with singer Kris Wu. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.































I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon

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