Hello, welcome to the Peverett Phile, the internet's most updated blog. I am your host Slackertoee. So, this afternoon I had an interview for a new job at Disney. It's an office job where I get to sit on my ass and type on a computer all day. If that's not a job with my name on it, what is? It’s so hot today, Britney Spears said that if she wore underpants, today she wouldn’t wear them. Thank God Paris Hilton is out of prison. Yesterday at Paris’ compound, she had a hair stylist come to the house to add hair extensions. First day out of prison — hair extensions. Ladies and gentlemen — it’s like I have a twin. Now Paris has to do community service. Man — wait a minute. Community service? You’re telling me an Internet sex video is not community service? Paris Hilton spoke to Larry King. Larry seemed almost bored. He asked what was the mystery medical illness. She said it was claustrophobia. You mean to tell she had claustrophobia and they kept her in jail? What kind of barbaric society is this? Maybe she meant chlamydia. I don’t know.
Independence Day is next week. It falls on July 4 this year. One of the things I love, is the fireworks safety videos. It’s that time of year again where we blow up mannequins. So if you’re a mannequin, be very careful this year. Saddam Hussein’s buddy Chemical Ali has been sentenced to death. I feel bad for his wife, Chemical Shirley. Wal-Mart is getting an advance shipment of the final Harry Potter book. They’ve asked their employees not to reveal the ending because they don’t want to spoil it for fans. Wal-Mart said the first thing they did was fire the greeter, who was saying, "Welcome to Wal-Mart; Harry is dead.” Yankees’ Jason Giambi has told Major League Baseball he will testify about his own steroid use, but he will not mention the names of any other players. Instead he said he’s going to talk about someone whose name rhymes with Harry Honds. They’re going to reveal President Bush’s presidential library. The committee in charge of President Bush’s presidential library said that they want the building to reflect the spirit of the Bush presidency. In other words, they’re just gonna build some stuff, and see what happens. This week in Texas, a fire broke out in a warehouse destroying 2,000 pounds of marijuana. Officials say more than 60 firefighters and 2,000 college students responded to the blaze. Last week was the 2007 Ugliest Dog competition. It’s a real contest. I’m not making it up. Back in 1992 my girlfriend at the time won.
UNLUCKIEST MUSICIANS
Oct. 25, 2004 was probably the worst Saturday night of Ashlee Simpson's life. The singer, who was making her debut appearance on "Saturday Night Live," was caught lip-synching when the vocals for the wrong song came through the speakers at a time when the microphone was nowhere near Ashlee's mouth. The vocal was quickly silenced, and Ashlee did a nervous jig onstage before sulking off. She later blamed her lip-synching on a bout of acid reflux, but was ridiculed for months after the event anyway.
R.I.P.
Chris Benoit: Makes ya wonder how many people Barry Bonds has strangled or smothered.
Liz Claiborne: This season from Liz Claiborne. Black.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1905
Dr. Beaurieux picks up the freshly-severed head of Henri Languille just after it drops into the guillotine basket and shouts the man's name three times. According to the doctor's report: "Languille's eyes very definitely fixed themselves on mine and the pupils focused themselves. ... I was dealing with undeniably living eyes which were looking at me."
1914
During a parade in Sarajevo, Nedjelko Cabrinovic tosses a grenade into the automobile carrying Archduke Franz Ferdinand and wife Sofia. But Ferdinand knocks the bomb away with his arm and his driver speeds away from the would-be assassin. A short while later, during the return drive, Gavrilo Princip pulls out an automatic pistol and kills both Ferdinand and his pregnant wife. Five weeks later, the continent of Europe erupts into World War I.
1969
The three-day Stonewall Riots, triggered by the police raid of a New York City gay bar, begin the gay rights movement.
1997
Mike Tyson is disqualified from a championship boxing bout after biting off a large portion of Evander Holyfield's ear. Tyson is later banned from boxing and fined $3 million for the incident. Tastes like chicken. <incidentally, my dad was in Vegas when that whole thing went down.>
PICK UP LINES
Your body must be a Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
If you were a burger at McDonalds, you'd be named McGorgeous.
Didn't we go to different schools together?
I hear your body is made up of 75% water, and man, am I thirsty!
God was showing off when he made you.
Could you please step away from the bar? You're melting all the ice.
Hi, are you here to meet a nice guy, or will I do?
You must be a parking ticket, because you have fine written all over you.
Excuse me, do you have a neck brace? I think I injured myself when I fell for you.
Was your Dad in the Air Force? Because you're the bomb.
Can I borrow your library card, because I'd like to check you out.
You're more beautiful than 100 pink flamingos on a golf course.
Baby, you're so sweet, you could put Hershey's out of business. And speaking of Hershey's, how about a kiss?
I don't think a firefighter could put you out.
Do you know karate, because your body is kickin’.
I think we should be lab partners because you and I have chemistry.
I don't know if it's igneous or metamorphic, but baby, you rock.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to go out with me?
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
If you're here, who's running heaven?
SHARPENING AXES
Aulophobia is the fear of flutes. The longest confirmed lifespan on record was that of Jeanne Louise Calment of France. She died in 1997 aged 122 years, 164 days. Email, in French, translates as "enamel." The oldest military unit is the Vatican's Swiss Guard. It dates back to January 21, 1506. American and Russian space flights have always included chocolate. The German phrase, "Sieg Heil," means "Hail to victory."
The average cup of coffeecontains more than 1,000 different chemical components.
Catwoman's real name is Selina Kyle. It is estimated that there are more than 169,518,829,100,544,000,000,000,000,000 ways to play the first 10 moves in chess.
George Michael's real name is George Panayiotou. The "Dull Men's Hall of Fame" is located in Carroll, Wisconsin. If you were to take a taxicab from New York City to Los Angeles, it would cost you $8,325. Tipping in restaurants in Iceland is considered insulting. Wyoming was the first state to give women the right to vote in 1869. About 20,000 elephants are killed by poachers every year. About 55 of all U.S. prisoners are in prison for drug offenses. Helvetica, the name of the popular font, derived from Helvitia, the Latin name for Switzerland. If humans could run as fast as a cockroach, we'd reach speeds of more than 300 m.p.h. One side of the Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men frolicking. The bloodiest battle in history was the Battle of Stalingrad, 1942-1943. More than 1.5 million people died.
NUTTED BY REALITY
I hate to sound like a broken record, but once again, "On The Lot" underwent a few more tweaks this week. To begin with, thanks to a somewhat revealing outfit, the studio audience was mere millimeters away from finding out what exactly resided on Adriana Costa's lot. I'm pretty sure Garry Marshall would have had a heart attack had this actually occurred. In addition, just a few minutes into the show, Adriana and Garry met with the directors during one of those behind-the-scenes sequences (that they don't utilize enough), and sent Jessica packing for the travesty of a film she submitted last week. I sure hope the show sticks to this method of crushing people's dreams because it's a lot less messy and a lot more concise. I think the producers finally figured out that this isn't "American Idol" and I'm relieved. A few other changes of note: Six directors showed films tonight instead of four directors showing slightly longer films like I expected. The directors also had a set genre this go around, which was a throwback to what they did earlier inthe competition. Finally, the directors who weren't filming this week showed up at the sets of the directors who were filming and offered some mostly forgettable commentary. I think that about covers all the tweaks. Tonight's guest judge was Mark Waters, director of Mean Girls, Freaky Friday, and Just Like Heaven.
HEROES
First they saved the cheerleader, now they've given her a boyfriend. Nick D'Agosto will join NBC's "Heroes" this fall as West, Claire's boyfriend. The show says he will have a "cool" super power. I don't know if that means the super power is interesting and neat, or if he can turn himself into a giant ice cube tray and make ice cubes for when the other heroes are hot and thirsty from fighting the bad guys. D'Agosto has guest starred on several TV shows, including "House", "ER", "Cold Case", "Six Feet Under", "Big Day", "Without A Trace", and "Boston Public". I guess this means that we won't be seeing the gay/not gay Zach back on the show as Claire's boyfriend. He's too busy on another show anyway.
GEEK TALK
As much as we planned and waited for a wham-bam spider-action trilogy with Sam Raimi's Spider-Man franchise, it started to become inevitable that three wouldn't be enough. The films bring in way too much money for the studio to wipe their hands, say "that was fun" and head to the horizon. Of course, there's been all sorts of talk about the three musketeers -- Raimi, Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst -- and how none wants to be involved if the others aren't. "It would be really hard for me to make a movie without Tobey and Kirsten playing the two leads," Raimi stated, hopefully meaning just in the Spidey universe, and not in general. Yet, he's still looking forward and scheming up sequels, which may have him at the helm, or not. As Raimi sees the next installment, according to MTV: "I would love to see Electro, Vulture, maybe the Sinister Six as a team." Now, I'm completely Spidey-dumb beyond the originals, but luckily, the Internet provides quick geek research. The original Sinister Six was a collection of supervillains brought together by Doc Ock to bring Spider-Man down. He collected: the Vulture, Electro, Kraven the Hunter, Mysterio and Sandman. So, that means bringing two of the villains back for more, and adding a tonof new ones as well. (Or, any one of the other incarnates of the group.) And that, frankly, seems a bit rash. After all of the feedback saying that 3 villains was a bit much for one film, he wants to double it? Maybe in a few films, after introducing the other evil characters, but why the over-kill? But that's not all - Raimi is also anxious to see Dr. Curt Connors get his time as The Lizard: "I love Dylan Baker as a person, and I really like the character he is developing." So, that means dipping into The Sinister Twelve. Oh, the villains never end.
MOVIE BUZZ
Playboy
Brett Ratner has just signed on to direct a biopic of Playboy mogul Hugh Hefner. Since I'm one of those "articles only" guys, I plan on watching the film's scenes of insightful social and political commentary and checking out any celebrity appearances but will close my eyes during the nudity.
Spider-Man 4
Sam Raimi has finally spoken out, saying he wants the Vulture and Electro as the villains in the next film and that he sincerely hopes Sony asks him first to direct it. I don't know, the first three were such horrible bombs, I can't imagine they'd do that.
Zack and Miri Make a Porno
"Entertainment Weekly" has posted a script page from Kevin Smith's upcoming comedy. Surprisingly, it's very tasteful and romantic. Nah, just kidding. It's so crude the magazine had to edit out the naughty bits. Of course, left in some dialogue about a Rosie O'Donnell sex tape, so now we gotta live with that image in our heads …
Lions for Lambs
In the first look at the Robert Redford-directed political drama, Tom Cruise gets tough on the War on Terror. His target: Meryl Streep. I know when I think of terror, I think of The Devil Wears Prada.
Valkyrie
Meanwhile, Germany has started a War on Tom Cruise, banning the actor from filming his WWII thriller — about a plot to assassinate Hitler in that country — because of his beliefs in Scientology. Hmmm … Germany? Intolerance for a religion? There's some sort of irony going on here, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
Indiana Jones and the City of Gods
Paramount has released a video of the first day of shooting, where Spielberg toasts his crew and films some cars driving down a desert road. Missing from the piece: star Harrison Ford. It was nap time.
Stuck
In the creepy trailer, Mena Suvari hits Stephen Rea with her car and leaves him to die in her windshield. But what's really sick? It's based on a true story. And no, Paris Hilton was nowhere in sight.
Star Trek 11
An interview with the sequel's screenwriters confirms that it will focus on the "earliest adventures" of Spock and Kirk. Apparently, the first scene is of the futuristic duo sharpening their crayons to the stun position and figuring out if either the Klingons or the Romulans have poisoned the milk supply of the Enterprise Day Care Center.
Where the Wild Things Are
The first image from the Spike Jonze film shows giant hairy monsters running through the woods. Either that or it's a picture from the world's most disturbing nudist colony.
The Lost Girls
MTV Films is going to produce this adaptation of the teen novel Bad Girls (with a slight title change), which was published by MTV Books. When asked if the MTV cable channel would show music videos from the film's soundtrack, they replied, "Nah, we don't show those anymore."
The Water Horse
In the trailer, a young boy raises the Loch Ness Monster as a pet. Jeez, kids today. When I was a lad, you went down to the water, found a frog, kept him in a jar with holes poked in the lid, and you were happy with that.
There you have it, Phans, another entry of the Phile. Now, next Thursday I should be posting another entry of the Phile, but my mother-in-law will be in town staying with us, so I might end up playing dominoes instead. The week after that we will be moving, so I really doubt I will have the computer set up, but we'll see. In the meantime, go to Friendly's and have a banana split. Man, those are good. Spread the word, not the turd.
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