Pheaturing John Funkhouser

Hey ho, welcome back to the Phile, Jason Peverett here. It's Friday, people. How are you? Speaking of Friday, have you ever heard that whole conspiracy about Rebecca Black's song "Friday" being about the JFK assassination? “Friday” is about the JFK assassination. No? Let me explain. 'The man driving the car JFK was in was named Samuel Kickin (Kickin' in the front seat, sittin in the back seat…). The assassination occurred on a Friday, and after JFK was shot the secret service told Jackie Kennedy to “get down” (got to get down on Friday). The cold war and the spread of Communism are referenced (everybody’s Russian). Finally, instead of eating a breakfast of eggs and sausage that morning, JFK opted for a bowl of Bran Flakes (got to have my bowl... got to have cereal). The following Monday, JFK was due to sign a law that provided bus transportation to all students (got to catch my bus…). There, now you know. Okay, what's going on in the world?  Things just keep getting worse for racist, sexist, obsessive nerds who pound their fists upon the presswood surface of their desks in their parents' basements at the very mention of a change in the comic book status quo. One day after "View" host Whoopi Goldberg shocked the world by announcing that a woman will now be wielding the hammer of Thor, Marvel editor Joe Quesada stepped onto "The Colbert Report" to announce that a black man will be carrying on the title of Captain America, now that Steve Rogers is an old, wrinkly white dude with a WWII-era understanding of the world. Are there any white, male superheroes left, aside from almost all of them?! People mad about black Captain America and Female Thor. Cause remember, if there's one thing comics taught us it's "being different is bad."  A 40 year old Mississippi woman with two children and a debilitating kidney disease recently realized her dream of becoming a professional cheerleader for the New Orleans Saints, and all she had to do to achieve it was be preternaturally attractive and athletic for her age and health. Newest New Orleans Saints cheerleader is 40, basically the female Rudy. I want to see what this woman looks like.

Not too bad, she has a weird look in her eyes though.  A federal judge has declared California's death penalty system to be unconstitutional, as the vast majority of inmates sentenced to capital punishment spend years and years and years waiting for the sweet embrace of death that never arrives. Apparently, US District Judge Cormac J. Carney has been listening to a lot of Smiths and Cure lately. It looks like CBS sports announcers will be given the choice of whether or not they feel comfortable using the name "Redskins," when referring to Washington D.C.'s football team on-air this season. "Generally speaking, we do not tell our announcers what to say or not say," network chairman Sean McManus very unconvincingly explained during an interview with the Hollywood Reporter.  This is going to sound like some kind of weird Midwesternism, but you have to believe me when I tell you it's not: the University of Wisconsin-Madison is being inundated with some kind of voraciously hungry, jumping "crazy worms." The unusually hearty, invasive earthworm species currently covers about an acre of land on the campus, and officials are taking great precautions to keep them from spreading into other parts of the state and country. Don't wave to earthworms. It stresses them out. While reporting live on yesterday's Malaysian Airlines plane crash, MSNBC's Krystal Ball spoke on the air with a Howard Stern fan pretending to be a member of the US military stationed in Ukraine. “Well, I was looking out the window and I saw a projectile flying in the sky and it would appear the plane was shot down by a blast of wind from Howard Stern’s ass,” the caller said. Ball apparently didn't catch the end of that, as she proceeded with the interview as if she hadn't just been caught in a prank that's been plaguing TV call-screeners for decades now. “So, it would appear the plane was shot down," Ball continued. "Can you tell us anything more from your military training of the sort of missile system that may have been coming from?” To which the caller replied, “Well, you’re a dumbass, aren’t ya'?” They quickly went to break, and when they came back, Ball explained that they thought they had an eyewitness on the scene, but "that individual was obviously not actually an eyewitness." He's probably witnessed a few things in his lifetime. Nothing we'd ever want to hear about, sure. But he's seen some stuff.  I have to mention this other story that I have been meaning to talk about... The hunters have become the hunted. Or, at least, the trolled in wilderness of social media. The hunting photo frenzy began last week when the Facebook page of a Texas teen cheerleader/trophy hunter went viral. Seems a lot of people were furious that a lot of other people liked the photos of her posing next to exotic, dead animals that she'd travelled to Africa to kill. Overnight she was divisively famous, with one weird perv so "worked up" he offered $100,000 for "nudes" and "dirt" on the girl. The whole story took on the viral nuttiness that only the combination of "hot teen" and "dead animals" could produce. Which means that people began coming out of the woodwork to add their two cents, because it's what was trending at the moment and it beat doing whatever they were being paid to do at their jobs. Which leads us to this photo of Steven Spielberg posing next to a "dead" Triceratops.

That was posted to Facebook by Jay Branscomb with the description "Disgraceful photo of recreational hunter happily posing next to a Triceratops he just slaughtered. Please share so the world can name and shame this despicable man." That's pretty funny. Because we're dealing with Facebook, however, not everyone got the joke, which lead to even funnier comments from people who were outraged by the heartless brutality of Steven Spielberg. Which lead to even more people chiming in to goof on them, which ultimately lead to a lot of man-splaining, and clarif-emaling(?).  The internet is weird. At least Spielberg isn't sitting with a dead E.T.   There's a new movie coming out about Paddington Bear, which I am not sure most Americans know about. I'm English, so I know about Paddington. My mum and my sister Lucy were huge Paddington fans. I am not sure though on the route they are taking with this movie. Check out this screen shot.

Why on Earth did they make the movie black and white?  Some of you are still emailing me asking where I was for five months. Well, her is the answer...

I didn't make a habit out of it though. Haha.  Yesterday as you probably know by now legendary blues guitarist Johnny Winter passed away. In 1978 he took part in the Blues Tribute show Foghat put together. Well, I thought it'll be cool to show you this screen cap of my dad playing next to Winter.

It's not the clearest picture but I still think it's cool.  I have to mention this, at Disney they have their own intranet called the Hub which anybody who works at Disney in the world at Disney can see. I have been working at Disney for 26 plus years and my picture has never been on the Hub... until now. Check it out.

Haha. Can you even spot me? At least I am there. Moving on...  Well, it's Summer and one thing that is great about Summer is the bikini. So, all through Summer I will be showing you some unusual bikinis that are out there. Behold the N12, the first 3D-printed bikini ever, a high-tech garment that's the result of a collaboration between Continuum Fashion and Shapeways.

For something that's completely customized to your own shape, the price isn't even too bad... the top will set you back about $260. As well as being the first 3D printed bikini, it is also the first bikini that actually becomes more comfortable when it gets wet. The N12 is named for nylon 12, the waterproof material it's printed from.  And now for...

That's a hard one. You might want to look at it sideways. Okay, it's story time, people. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. Please welcome back to the Phile... Laird Jim.

This just in. Her: "I'm thinking of packing a picnic basket and stopping by this afternoon... you interested?" Me: "Sounds great... I'll be home around 4pm." Two things come to mind here... Clearly, she thinks I'm Yogi Fucking Bear... and... It's gonna rain today around that time. We'll wind up back at my place sooner than she thought. See you at 4, Boo Boo!

Elaine Stritch 
February 2, 1925 – July 17, 2014
A Stritch in time saves none.

The 31st book to be pheatured in the Phile's book club is...

Mark Baxter will be the guest on the Phile next Thursday.

Today's pheatured guest is a jazz piano, keyboard and bass player whose latest album "Still" is available on iTunes and CDBaby.com. Please welcome to the Phile, the guy with one of the coolest names ever... John Funkhouser.

Me: Hello, John, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

John: Most excellent, thanks.

Me: Okay, I have to ask you about your name... Funkhouser. It's great! I wish my last name was Funkhouser... or Phunkhouser. The Phunkhouser Phile. How cool does that sound? Anyway, is that really your last name?

John: The eternal question! If I had become a doctor, like two of my sisters, people wouldn't ask that question. I'm like a piano tuner I once met named Robert String. Who knows, maybe he changed his name, but I doubt it.

Me: You were born to be a artist or musician with that name, John. People always made fun of Peverett... calling me Pervert. Did you get picked on at school with your name? 

John: I guess it had to be. Third grade was Funky Chicken, middle school it was Funky, then Funk (one a-hole changed the N to a C), and a lot of my friends still use those names. I always liked them, and there may have been a certain point when the nicknames nudged me in the direction of hipper music! I started as a classical musician.

Me: Do you have kids? What do they think of the Funkhouser name? They should love it. Are they musicians as well?

John: I just have one daughter, and her first name is Willow, and she loves both her names. She's a singer and dancer, deep into musical theater. She's more Willow, less Funk at the moment, but we'll see what happens... she's only 13.

Me: What does your wife think of her last name after she married you?

John: She likes how everyone remarks on it, but it took some getting used to... at first she tried to talk me into both changing our names to some third name we would choose together, but I wasn't going to part with the name Funkhouser NO MATTER WHAT!

Me: Alright, we will stop talking about your name. You're a talented jazz musician that plays bass and piano. What came first, John?

John: I was the youngest of five kids, and we all had to start on piano. We were allowed to switch to another instrument if we wanted to when we were old enough. Our mother was a fairly serious amateur pianist and thought it was important for all of us to study that instrument for a while before we made up our minds. The piano studies started at 7, bass at 9. My mother had given me a record with the sounds of all the instruments in the orchestra. The one I liked best was the contrabassoon. But then I found out you had to learn bassoon first, and oboe before that, since they're all double reed instruments. I didn’t want to do that because oboe wasn’t cool. The next lowest instrument was the bass, so I chose bass. 

Me: What was the easier instrument to learn for you? I'm guessing bass.

John: Definitely bass. It's hard technically and physically, and you have to worry about playing in tune (not that I did when I was 9!). But I mostly just took what I knew from piano and applied it to bass. And reading is easy because you only have to worry about one note at a time!

Me: How long have you been a musician and how long have you been writing music?

John: I started writing music relatively late... I only got really into it in my early 20s. My main motivation was that I didn't hear any music out there that sounded like what I imagined in my head. 

Me: You have recorded I think four of your own albums, but have played on a lot of albums. How many albums have you played on, John?

John: About 70 at last count. All over the map stylistically. 

Me: Do you prefer doing your own thing?

John: I think I wouldn't feel fully satisfied if I weren't leading and writing music for my band, but I also love the challenge of trying to be the consummate sideman in any style.

Me: Have you always been into jazz?

John: Yeah. I heard it a lot around the hour growing up, along with classical music. The idea that I could make a career of it didn't occur to me until much later.

Me: Who are your influences music wise? I'm guessing Thelonious Monk is one of them, am I right?

John: Definitely, although my earliest influences were Benny Goodman, Oscar Peterson, Duke Ellington, and Boston pianist Dave McKenna... the people my dad and step dad were into.

Me: And everybody says The Beatles. Did you grow up listening to them?

John: The Beatles were my first love in pop/rock music. My real first loves were Mozart and Handel though. I still love the Beatles, and use their music whenever I can in my teaching.

Me: I interviewed a lot of people who went to Berklee in Boston, or taught there. You currently teach there, am I right?

John: I've been there 12 years now.

Me: What are you a professor in, John?

John: I teach ear training, piano, bass, and ensembles.

Me: Where did you go to school?

John: I majored in music at Cornell, and then got a Masters at New England Conservatory.

Me: Are you originally from Boston?

John: Yeah, I grew up in the suburbs.

Me: You have played all around the world. Is there a favorite gig you played at, or a favorite place?

John: The Jazz in the Sangres Festival in Westcliffe, CO. A thunderstorm came through during our set and they pulled the plug in the middle of a tune so we all wouldn't get electrocuted.

Me: Do you get nervous on stage?

John: Sometimes... less now that I'm older, but if it's a huge crowd or an unfamiliar situation, or the music is really hard, I still get a twinge from time to time.

Me: Alright, let's talk about your new CD "Still". How did you come about choosing that song to be the title track?

John: I just liked the word, and how open ended its meaning is. I guess it's one of the themes of the record as well. The stillness from which all music arises.

Me: I love the cover of "House of the Rising Sun". There's no singing on that song, it's just an instrumental. Did you think of having someone sing on that song, John?

John: Truthfully, it never crossed my mind.

Me: You wrote some songs on the album, am I right? Not all are covers?

John: Right... the only covers are "House of the Rising Sun", "My Romance", and the Monk tune, "Little Rootie Tootie".

Me: I have to ask you about the song "Indigo Montoya's Great Escape". First of, who is Indigo Montoya?

John: My cat.

Me: You named your cat Indigo Montoya? That's original? What is the song about?

John: Yeah, he's named after the hero in The Princess Bride. We found out later that his name is spelled wrong... it's supposed to Iñego. Oh well. But the cat Indigo Montoya is an indoor cat, and he's always trying to get out, dreaming of all the birds he could be eating and all that. So the song is about his inner life, which is pretty tortured at times, as you can tell from listening to the tune. Sometimes he's wicked chilled out, though, and you hear that in the music as well.

Me: You have another song called "Leda". Is that about anybody in particular?

John: It's a tribute to a woman I met in Costa Rica, when I was on a tour there recently. She was an incredibly graceful and giving person, taking the leader of the band to the police station when a bunch of his stuff was stolen, and generally taking great care of all of us.

Me: You have your own Trio, right? Do they play on the album? Who are they, John?

John: I've had this trio together for quite a while with the same personal. The drummer Mike Connors joined in 2001, and Greg Loughman joined us in 2007. For the last two years we've been playing more and more with guitarist Phil Sargent, so now we're really a quartet most of the time, even though Phil is only on three tracks on the CD. We're all old friends, and the group feels pretty telepathic a lot of the time, and always very empathetic.

Me: A lot of jazz musicians I interviewed have worked with piano player Ran Blake, who I would love to interview on the Phile. You played with him, right?

John: For sure, and studied with him at New England Conservatory.

Me: What was that like and did he teach YOU anything?

John: Ran is one of the most unique people I've ever come across, musician or not. He's an extremely intense improviser... you get the feeling that his raw distilled soul is being poured out in a devastatingly direct way when he plays the piano. He's a wonderfully caring and devoted teacher as well. I have the deepest respect for him.

Me: You have appeared on "20/20" and "Today". What was that about? It's not as cool as being on the Phile though, right, John? Haha.

John: Nothing compares with the Phile, but your readers already know that! My high profile TV appearances were all as the bassist with then child prodigy and autistic savant Matt Savage. Playing with him was an amazing experience, starting when Matt was eight. We have traveled all over the world together, and watching him grow and mature has been a blessing. Our most recent gig together was playing at the Boston Beantown Jazz Festival last September with Bobby Watson. That was another amazing experience... Bobby Watson is NOT kidding around when it comes to playing the saxophone!

Me: On the album you have a young cute singer named Aubrey Johnson. What track does she sing on, John?

John: "Leda" and "The Deep"

Me: How did you meet Aubrey?

John: Mutual friends--when I met her, she was a student at NEC with a couple of my other friends. 

Me: So, do you think she'd like to be interviewed on the Phile? You wanna put in a good word?

John: I'm sure she'd be happy to do an interview with you... she's a super nice woman.

Me: Is there anybody you'd love to perform or record with but haven't?

John: Herbie Hancock. Dave Holland. Actually, it's a long list... I have a lot of heroes!

Me: Alright, on the Phile I ask random questions. Are you ready? This is thanks to Tabletopics... If you didn't have to worry about money what would you do with your life? You're a professor at Berklee, do you worry about money?

John: I think everyone worries about money to a point. Hmmm... probably do just about what I'm doing. Maybe perform a little more and teach a little less, but I wouldn't want to stop teaching because I love it. I might get a nicer house or something, but I'm very happy doing what I do... playing, teaching, and hanging out with my family. I'm very lucky to be leading such a blessed life... I can't imagine what I did to deserve such good fortune.

Me: John, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Is there a website you'd like to plug? Thanks for being here, and come back again, and don't forget to mention the Phile to Aubrey.

John: Johnfunkhouser.com/audio.php... Many thanks for having me on! Everyone check out "Still"! We think it's a great CD, but we may be a little biased.

There you go, another Phile entry done. Thanks to Laird Jim and John Funkhouser. The Phile will be back next Thursday with author Mark Baxter and then on Friday another keyboardist... Pete Calandra. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker.

Pheaturing Ian Margolycz From Velvet Ants

Hey ho, let's go. Welcome to another entry of the Phile, kids. How was your week? Things have been pretty crazy here in Florida with storm after storm. Let me tell you this, take it from your old friend Jason, if you don't have a powerful surge protector, get one. Last night if I didn't have it my TV, and Brighthouse box and Blu-Ray player would of been fried.  Alright, let's talk about what's in the news...  It's been a rough couple years for pasty white comic-book dorks like me who get enraged at the thought that the world of nerddom might not revolve around their pasty white asses. First, they had to deal with a half-black/half-Latino Spider-Man. Then came the Muslim Ms. Marvel and the all-woman X-Men team. Now, their beloved God of Thunder is going to have prominent boobs. Marvel announced the other day on "The View" that, for the first time ever, a woman will wield Thor's mighty hammer Mjolnir. The same one that was once carried by an alien horse named Beta Ray Bill. "Excuse me, my hammer is UP HERE." - Female Thor. Some people think that sports statisticians (the ones who actually care about the events of the totally unimportant and barely watchable annual MLB All-Star games, at least) might have to place an asterisk next to N.Y. Yankee Derek Jeter's two-for-two hitting game last night, after St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Adam Wainwright joked (maybe) that he was going easy on the soon-to-be-retiring Hall-of-Fame shoo-in. "I was going to give him a couple of pipe shots. He deserved it," Wainwright said, before later claiming he was joking and stating erroneously that "this game means something." I know it's the rules, it just doesn't seem fair that Derek Jeter has to be taken behind Yankee Stadium and shot when he retires.  While it has been generally assumed that the nation's richest 1 percent was in possession of 30 percent of all the national wealth, that estimate is likely off, according to a new report. The actual number may be as high as 35 or 37 percent. "Our results clearly indicate that survey wealthy estimates are very likely to underestimate wealth at the top," economist Philip Vermeulen explained. The upside is that they're still letting the rest of us split the remaining 63 percent between the 310 million of us. For now.
Plan A: Get rich. Plan B: Hate rich people.  No longer content with merely lurking ominously on shadowy street corners outside the homes of the objects of their delusions, some celebrity stalkers are pushing forward into scarier, more-overlty criminal behavior. Sandra Bullock's stalker recently made it all the way to the outside of the Oscar-winning actress's bedroom door before police were alerted, and another somewhat-more-confused stalker broke into the Kennedy compound in Massachusetts looking for pop singer Katy Perry. Say what you will about celebrity stalkers, they do not lack for self-esteem.  In one of the most depressingly ingenious moves in recent years, gaming company Glu Mobile decided to rebrand its already-moderately successful smartphone game Stardom Hollywood as Kim Kardashian: Hollywood, while adding in some pictures of the game's new namesake professional famous person. The new-and-Kardashian-approved version of the free-to-download app is expected to pull in about $200 million annually from advertising and in-app purchases.  Did you guys see that new Dawn of the Planet of the Apes movie? I saw it and was confused, not one person in it was named Dawn. Anyway, anyone else find it kind of ironic that the average person paying to see Dawn of the Planet of the Apes doesn't even believe in evolution?  Speaking of movies, there's a new movie doing out about Paddington Bear? Do Americans know who Paddington is? My mum and my sister Lucy were really big Paddington fans. Anyway, I saw a screen shot of the new movie and it's not what I thought it would be...

It's not the same Paddington Bear I remember.  I was in the store the other day and I noticed a few magazines have changed. They are more blunt now than they used to be. Check this out.

Haha. If they're assholes, what am I?  I have to show you this new public service poster I saw.

Yeah, that poster would of been funnier a few weeks ago.  So, a lot of you have been asking me where I was for five months. I was on a modeling job... and I have  a picture to prove it.

Oh, man. I'm so sorry you had to see that. You're gonna have nightmares now, aren't you? LOL. You didn't know I was working out, right? This picture reminds me about something... no, not ow I would look as a woman but about bikinis. All through summer I will be showing you different bikinis that are out there. Why you ask? Because bikinis are fun. Haha. People are pretty much obsessed with bubble wrap and people love bikinis, so it was only a matter of time until someone came up with the Bubble WrapBikini.

As you can see, the bikini leaves nothing to the imagination. The bubbles on the bikini aren't the only thing that'll go pop when you wear it to the beach, that's for sure. And now, from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is this weeks...

Top Phive Groups Of People Who Went To See Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes
5. Chiquita executives, cursing themselves for missing an obvious product placement opportunity.
4. Rowdy PETA members, loudly rooting for the apes.
3. Morons who'll watch anything that features heavily-armed monkeys on horseback.
2. People who loved Andy Serkis' performance in The Hobbit but felt Gollum wash't hairy enough.
And the number one group of people who went to see Dawn of the Planet of the Apes...
1. Tea Party members curious to see a more coherent and thought-out plan for revolution.

Nobody wants to watch regular old serious films about boring just humans in just regular life anymore, and the western isn't nearly as popular as it used to be, so it often falls to superheroes and space battles and sci-fi monkey operas to deadlift the burden of culture's Deep Thoughts. Popcorn entertainment of the past is now the chief host for gestures toward big ideas and heavy meaning. It's not always a comfy fit.  The Planet of The Apes film series that dominated the childhood of every person who attended elementary school in the 1970s (me, for example) were groovy carriers of those gestural moments. They were designed for maximum shlock appeal and didn't shy away from ham-fisted metaphor. They were bad and good in equal measure and if you were lucky enough to also own the action figures you could spend third grade role-playing every kind of cruelty and sacrifice under the sun. Perfect, really.  The newly rebooted Apes saga has taken on more responsibility. It's darker, deeper, complicated and urgent. And if that makes it all a little less goofy than the concept deserves remember, this is about talking apes who take over the world... then so be it, I guess. It helps that they have Andy Serkis.  Serkis plays Caesar, the leader of the mutated ape tribe that survived when a genetically engineered virus wiped out almost all the stupid non-apes on Earth. In the forest outside San Francisco, Caesar is the king of a peaceful nation. But the people who survived, currently blockaded inside the city's limits, won't be satisfied until they can jumpstart a nearby dam to provide power. And a few of Caesar's subjects aren't as committed to non-war as their Ape President. There's going to be a rumble.  How they get to that blast of violence (no major plot details divulged here, so you can keep reading), with all the special effects a bigger, badder budget can buy, is the meat of the story and it moves along like an ape-driven tank of visceral thrills. Along the way the Big Ideas... the history of human conflict, xenophobia, greed, the inevitability of evil and brutality, the anomaly of trust and compassion roll up and stomp around a bit, but they never become ponderous. There's too much action and fighting to get to and that stuff is way more important.  It's all the feels that really matter here, anyway, thanks to Serkis' intense, emotionally complex performance. It's his show from start to finish, and he earns the film a measure of true gravity it otherwise wouldn't have. Good thing, too, because the human characters are mostly disposable creatures, all the better to annihilate them in the next movie as this place finally becomes "a planet where apes evolved from men." War is coming! Go apes! Whoo hoooo!  So yes, ape shall not kill ape. But that doesn't mean ape shall not ride on a horse holding a machine gun in each hand and instigating an inter-species world war. We can all be seriously grateful for that kind of serious fun.

Johnny Winter
February 23rd, 1944 — July 16th, 2014
Forty-one years ago he released an album titled "Still Alive and Well".

Tommy Ramone 
January 29th, 1952 — July 11th, 2014
Rock rock rock, rock and roll plant food.

If you spot the Mindphuck email me at thepeverettphile@gmail.com. Okay, so, you may or not remember the last few football seasons I had my good friend Jeff here and we talked about football and had a football pick contest. It's been five months since the Super Bowl, and us talking football, and the next season is just right around the corner but I thought it'll be cool to have Jeff and his noiw wife Lori back on the Phile and we can finally wrap up last seasons...

Me:: Jeff! Lori! Welcome back to the Phile. I bet you never thought you would be on the Phile again, right?

Jeff: It's always good to be back on the Phile. I knew you would come back with it, so to be back on it for me is not that much of a surprise. Perhaps it would be more of a surprise for you to make your return to my second blog Inside the Wrestling Ring?

Me: I'd love to come back on your blog, Jeff.

Lori: I just figured you'd forgotten about us after we left. You know, out of sight, out of mind.

Me: Never, Lori. Okay, before we get down to business, I have to mention you two are now married. I'm sorry I couldn't go the wedding, I had something important come up. anyway, how was the wedding?

Jeff: Yes, Lori and I are now married. We were sorry you couldn't come to the wedding. Especially considering how amazing it turned out! But we both understand that you had a commitment that you couldn't get out of. The wedding was everything we could have expected. There was some transportation issues for some of our guests, and they were missed. But the wedding itself was amazing.

Lori: Our wedding was absolutely perfect. We have a short video if you want to see it: vimeo.com/100518829.

Me: You two went to Europe for your honeymoon. Where did you go and what did you do?

Jeff: For our honeymoon we went to Gibraltar, Corsica, Italy, France, Spain, and Portugal on a 14 day cruise. I had never been outside North America so it was completely different for me. But I loved it. We all ready want to go back!

Lori: We had a fantastic time and did a little bit of everything. Some history, some adventure, some lazy beach days.

Me: Did you go to England at all?

Jeff: We flew in and out of London. We also took a side trip to see Stonehenge, but that was all that we did in England.

Lori: We flew into London and left on a two-week cruise from Southampton. We drove around the countryside some and visited Stonehenge because Jeff had never seen it, and we spent a ridiculous amount of time in Heathrow, but that's okay, because it's my favorite airport.

Me: I lived in Oxfordshire about a half hour from Stonehenge and never went to see it. I regret it now. Grrrr. While you were overseas the World Cup was going on. Did you get to see any games on TV? Are you fans of soccer?

Jeff: No, we are not soccer fans. But we watched a few of the World Cup games, and not just USA games. The tournament was going on while we were on the cruise so there was no escaping it, even if we wanted to.

Lori: I'm definitely not. Though I would say I'm a fan of Tim Howard, now. We watched far more soccer than we normally would. We even missed dinner one night for the USA vs. Germany game.

Me: Okay, let's talk about American football. Lori, you officially won this year. Congrats. For those that don't know as I have lots of news readers, tell them what you won and how did you win?

Lori: I thought my prize was your never-ending servitude? Am I wrong? I don't know how I won, honestly.

Me: You won the football picks for 2014. How did you win?

Lori: I mostly just picked who I thought was better, which sounds silly, but it's true.

Me: Jeff, what was the final score for our football picks?

Jeff: The scores were pretty one sided in last year's standings. Lori beat me by 12 points. Unfortunately, Jason you struggled all season and lost by over 30 points.

Me: Yeah, that sucks. So, this was the third year you and I did this, Jeff, and Lori's first year, and in three years we all won a year, so next year should be very interesting. It's been five months since the Super Bowl, and I can't remember anything about it, except Seattle won I think, the Broncos did horrible, Bruno Mars kicked ass and the Chili Peppers didn't play their instruments. What do you remember about the game?

Jeff: As far as what you need to remember about the Super Bowl. I can sum it up like this. The first play of the game was a safety for the Seahawks. That had never happened in the history of the Super Bowl. Seattle was on fire all game and Peyton Manning was so bad, there was at least one rumor he lost the game on purpose. We know that would never be the case, but those rumors were out there. The half time show was decent, even if the Red Hot Chili Peppers instruments weren't plugged in.

Lori: I remember Peyton Manning being scared of the airplanes. This was during the military fly-over after the National Anthem.

Me: Well you guys, football season is around the corner so we are definitely gonna have a fourth year of Phootball Talk and the picks. Are you excited?

Lori: I'm so excited for football to come back! We have tickets for training camp again this year, plus the Eagles' home opener! Wooo Go Birds!

Me: Thanks very much for coming back on the Phile, being patient with me, and congrats on your wedding. Love you both.

Jeff: I am excited. I hope to return to form and bring home my second championship. We will see you for kick off 2014.

The 31st book to be featured in the Phile's book club is...

The author Mark Baxter will be a guest on the Phile a week from today.

Today's guest is the lead singer and guitarist for the rock band Velvet Ants whose third album "Solt Olio" is now available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Ian Margolycz.

Me: Hello, Ian, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Ian: Doing alright. Had somewhat of a bug last week. I think it’s run it’s course though. Thanks for asking.

Me: I was thinking you are from Canada, but I'm wrong, right? Where are you from?

Ian: Close by actually, I’m originally from Rochester, NY. Lake effect is embedded in me for better or worse. I grew up outside of Boston, Mass and moved to Virginia in my teens. East coast kid. I consider myself from New England though.

Me: Where are the Velvet Ants based out of?

Ian: The Ants started out as a side project. Around 2005 I was recording under the moniker Dream LAX. It was more ambient and electronic sounding. I wanted to get back into the band thing so that’s when I asked my now ex-drummer if he’d like to join. We just started demoing tracks left and right and recording whenever our day jobs would allow. Pretty soon we had a sound. Basically based off the home recording style we were using, and mainly out of necessity. Sort of Wipers meets the Breeders, or a harder edged Weezer I guess. We worked at a fast pace. I was off medications at the time and was manic as hell. We spent as much time writing and recording as we did on manufacturing the discs and promoting things on our own. It was a fun time. Everything was funded from our day jobs. Trevor worked in HVAC and I was working as a land surveyor. Hence the name of the band’s label: T!LT Records... the term came from the theodolites we used day to day.

Me: What is the music scene like there?

Ian: Back when we first started there were a bunch of great venues and a lot of shows to play. A lot of those clubs got shutdown or went under though. Now it’s all cover bands. Clubs won’t even book bands unless they are affiliated with an agency. Even when you do book shows you’re lucky to get paid unless you call their bluff. Venues seem to have a stronghold on local artists and there’s only so much you can do besides not play out. The scene has definitely suffered. Unfortunately, a lot of that stems from greed. At the end of 2007 the band went on hiatus and I moved up north for a bit. The scene in Boston was totally different. There was more of a community vibe there. People take that for granted but when venues are only booking three bands and their friends band’s... it gets old real quick. The band I was in played the city often and when we did we got paid. Here in Virginia it’s like pulling teeth. I don’t see it getting any easier for younger bands either. Northern Virginia has always had a somewhat veiled and pretentious atmosphere. DC is better but I don’t see kids from the suburbs going to DC shows anymore. I think they’d love it and bands would thrive more, but they don’t. It’s weird. There’s a lot of money here and I think that goes to people’s heads.

Me: So, how long has Velvet Ants been together a band, Ian?

Ian: Technically it’s been six years as we never really “broke up” but actual years together? I’d say really only three. When we were together we’d release 2 albums at once or always have something going. In most of the bands I’ve been in an album would take a good two years to develop and fully reach an audience. With this band for whatever reason we could never keep up with our output. Creatively it was incredibly satisfying but we also competed with ourselves to get things into fully formed thoughts.

Me: In that short time you have had a few members in the band that came and left. So, is Velvet Ants just you now?

Ian: I’d consider Eric and Jordon to have been in the band whole-heartedly. They not only helped in creating the album but many of their ideas are what made "Solt Olio" so great. Eric had some of the best bass lines I’ve heard in 15 years of playing music. I’ve only played with one other bassist who I can call just as good and that’s Jason Deffenbaugh from a previous band I was in. They both play for the song and not to be flashy or make a statement. Their statements are their playing and their playing compliments the song. Jordon taking the reins on drums was a huge help too. I had people quit right up to the demoing process. Every week I’d tell Jordon: “We lost this guy” or “this girl is out” and all summer I’d keep him posted like that until I finally asked Jordon if it’d be possible just to program things and be done with it. I even laid down my own ideas for bass lines in case Eric fell through but luckily he didn’t. We even prepared to program drums but once Jordon had the demos he got behind the kit himself and started knocking out tracks. I had listened to Jordon’s band Blinker the Star all through my adolescence so being able to work with him was an absolute gift. I found it difficult in the past to get a straight answer from band mates about the direction of songs and collaborate on things so this was refreshing. I mean that’s what part of being in a band is all about. So when you’re the only one writing songs and coming up with ideas it gets tedious and can become boring real quick. I wanted to bounce ideas off people. I wanted to write songs together and that wasn’t happening. This album allowed me to do that and more. I was able to stretch my wings a bit even if it was a change in style for the band. As a kid you tend to box yourself into musical genres, which isn’t always the best thing for the band or the music. We all had something to offer and the songs were diverse enough to allow those things to happen naturally.

Me: Have you always been a musician and songwriter pretty much your whole life?

Ian: I wanted to be all sorts of things growing up. An actor, astronaut or painter. All four of my parents were in some field of photography. Most of my weekends were spent in studios or darkrooms looking at or developing film. I had the luxury of growing up in extremely creative households. I spent a lot of time at photo shoots and seeing how things were made. This was pre-digital so everything was still done by hand, down to the printing and editing. It must have had an impact on me. I think one of the most important things parents can do is expose their children to as many creative outlets as possible, if not as a potential career, at least as catharsis. Specifically though, my first instruments were drums and keyboard. Once the guitar was introduced, songs were being written and recorded on 4-track almost immediately.

Me: Who did you grow up listening to and who do you listen to now?

Ian: I’d listen to everything from The Police to Chuck Berry at my dad’s studio in Boston. My mom and stepfather played old 78s of turn of the century symphonies 24-7 so there was a major difference that way in households. At eleven I started toggling over to the local rock stations where I’d hear whatever was on the radio back then (early 90s). I got R.E.M.’s "Monster" from a classmate for my birthday one year which had a huge impact on me as well as Steppenwolf and The Door’s first album from my stepmother. She got me into a lot of cool bands like New Order and the Psychedelic Furs and other 80s new wave bands. In a lot of ways I was late to the game. I somehow came across STP’s "12 Gracious Melodies" at an early age and that blew my mind as well. Until then though, it was all Elvis, all the time. By the time I moved to Virginia, Nirvana was over. Bands like Soundgarden and Smashing Pumpkins had become the last breath of mainstream alternate rock and I was just discovering them.

Me: Okay, "Solt Olio" is the band's third album, am I right?

Ian: Yes, sir. I had the title in mind back in 2011 but didn’t use it until now. I’m glad though, it fits better now.

Me: How would you compare the music to the other releases?

Ian: I can see "Solt Olio" being the last of it’s kind. The first album was straight up lo-fi punk. The second album was a lot more progressive and epic sounding. This one is dare I say it pop, with a steel underbelly. I just cared a lot less about what the final was and just allowed the individual songs to ring true. It’s the "Rubber Soul" for the band. It’s happier, it’s stronger, it’s as Jordon said “the band riding off into the sunset.” I can see that.

Me: You released an album called "Covers" which is all covers. How did you go about and choose the covers for that album, Ian?

Ian: The covers thing had started back before the second album was recorded, or around the same time anyway. I recorded an acoustic cover of INXS’ song "Don’t Change", put it out there, and was surprised at the response it got. Drafts of other covers were laying around as well so I started adding to them and finished a few. By the time I got to "Forever" by Dennis Wilson last year I knew I there was something special there. I’m not sure how it will all turn out or when it will be finished for that matter so I’ve just kind of left things up for people to check out in the meantime. Some are complete some aren’t.

Me: You do a few Beatles songs on the album so you must be a Beatles fan. I think everyone is a Beatles fan in the long run, right?

Ian: If they have any sense of melody or inkling of a soul.

Me: Okay, so, I have to ask, what does "Solt Olio" mean?

Ian: Damn. I thought I would dodge that. Solt Olio doesn’t actually mean anything. It did at one point but then I realized I mis-heard it! I was watching a cooking show back in Rochester and the host said something about sott’olio, which I heard as solt olio. So for the next two years I’m thinking how great a title it is and how it’s got so much meaning (sott’olio means ‘under oil’ and is a way of preserving things in Italian cousine). Basically it’s misheard Italian. One definition said solt meant honor. I guess it’s up to the fans to interpret. Although I also read that solt can mean salt. I know, it’s one big conundrum now.

Me: Your single is "Cardigan's Fable", who is Cardigan?

Ian: No clue. Sometimes lyrics are abstract that way. Another conundrum.

Me: Haha, fair enough. Do you do all the songwriting yourself, Ian?

Ian: It’s just me and the voices inside my head.

Me: You play guitar, I know, but what other instruments do you play?

Ian: I play drums too, and every year I get worse! I’d love to play drums better though. I’ve played drums on several demos in the past, but I’ve never learned the correct technique. I think it takes more patience and coordination than I have to offer. The only music lessons I ever took were for keyboard. I think it’d be interesting to see what I could do on just that instrument alone. I add synth and keys to tracks all the time so it’d be kind of cool to see that up front instead of the standard guitar, bass and drums setup.

Me: Were you just a kid when you learnt to play guitar?

Ian: I was 15 when I bought my first acoustic from a local pawn shop. It was a Hondo with horrible action on it. It was hard as hell to hold down one chord let alone play a progression. I think this may have lead to me being more rhythm oriented instead of doing the lead guitar thing. Most of my buddies played lead so I was always the guy holding down the core of the song when we’d jam on stuff. Around the same age my dad bought me my first electric. He bought me a really cheap one to see if I liked it and if it was even worth pursuing. I must have made my first 100 recordings with that thing. I’d dub an old children’s LP at different speeds and play a bunch of noise over it. I’d record day and night and eventually learned my way around a 4-track like it was nothing. I pissed everyone off real good in the process. There’s a tape somewhere where my dad comes in towards the end shouting “Ian, can you turn that down? I can’t function with this noise shit” That particular guitar was smashed into smithereens. A sacrifice to the gods you could say. I see bits of it every once and a while. It’s memory live on. At some point the acoustic was painted silver and never dried properly. It now sits stringless in retirement.

Me: Okay, so, I have to ask, where did the name Velvet Ants come from?

Ian: I was at work one day off the highway and saw this magnificently red fuzz ball hovering on the ground in front of me. I asked my party chief a guy named Tony Griffith what it was and he told me “Oh, that thing? It’s just a velvet ant.” I bent down and touched it’s back. The name stuck with me and I thought it’d be a great name for a band.

Me: When I first saw the name for a second I thought the name was The Velvetants. I'm an idiot, but it does look like that on top of your website. Look.

Ian: Yeah, I figured we’d be confused with a few more ‘The’ bands. Some guy scooped up thevelvetants.com when we weren’t using it and was asking thousands of dollars for it. We just started using ‘velvet ants’ for most of our pages instead. The internet is like the Old West in that sense: Do or die, or pay the consequences. Even if it’s your idea it instantly becomes public domain. It tends to feel like a one way relationship at times. Hahahaa. Bastards.

Me: Alright, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics... ready? If possible would you live year round in your favorite season? I would and that would be fall.

Ian: I’d have to agree with you on that. What a great time of year. Things slow down, die off or prepare for hibernation. Everything seems a little more poetic and meaningful.

Me: Ian, thanks for being on the Phile. Mention your website and I wish you lots of luck, and please come back soon. All the best.

Ian: Velvet-Ants.com will lead you to the lion’s share of our work (even those covers we spoke about). Most of our other sites use the name ‘Velvetants’ like Facebook, Twitter and Youtube. Thanks for the interview. Great bunch of questions here. You left no stone unturned! Thanks for checking out the tunes and have a great year!

Me: You too, Ian. "Solt Olio" is out now on iTunes. Good job, Ian.

Well, that about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Jeff and Lori Trelewicz and Ian Margolycz. The Phile will be back tomorrow with jazz piano player John Funkhouser. I said it last week, what a great name. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker.

Pheaturing Killy Mockstar Dwyer

Hey there, welcome back to the Phile. Two days in a row! Just like them old days, right? Thnks again to everybody that read the Phile again. I truly have the best phans ever. You are my favorite people to check for ticks.  "Game of Thrones"... everybody's favorite outlet for crushing misery and unnecessary nudity, except for mine, I have never seen it, dominates this year's Emmy announcements with 19 nominations, including Best Drama Series, Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Series (Peter Dinklage) and Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series (Lena Headey). Sadly, the Emmy board still fails to acknowledge Best Eye-Gouging-Out Scene in a Drama Series or they could have had an even 20.  Intent on maintaining its position as the state most intolerant to oppressed minorities, Utah is planning to appeal to SCOTUS after a federal appeals court decided that its ban on gay marriage was unconstitutional. This way, after the Supreme Court rules on the  case, the title Utah vs. Human Decency can be immortalized in U.S. law books forever more. This just in... breaking news... Utah to appeal directly to Supreme Court for permission to continue denying gay people the rights that straight people enjoy.  Are you kids basketball fans? According to the latest speculations, the much-sought-after free-agent NBA MVP LeBron James is on the verge of turning the league upside down by signing with the Cleveland Cavaliers, while also being on the verge of setting the sport ablaze by re-signing with the Miami Heat. He's also on the verge of exploding the game, upending basketball as we know it and demolishing all expectations by signing with another dozen or so teams. I can't imagine what Lebron is going through. I can't even decide what kind of sub to get for lunch today.  Sorry, heterosexual men everywhere, but you know that one man you would gladly allow to impregnate you if only nature would allow it? He's impregnated somebody else. And to make matters worse, she's just a regular old human woman. Eva Mendes will have the honor of giving birth to Ryan Gosling's son in about two months. It's not fair! Eva Mendes knew she was pregnant because when she took her pregnancy test Ryan Gosling's eyes turned a more magnificent shade of blue.  Some of of might or might not know that the Phile was on a five hiatus due to a technical error. In Disney speak the Phile was 101. If you wondered what I did in that time, wonder no more.

Haha. I look like Simon Cowell. What team am I playing for? Italy? I should be playing for England. As far as England goes, have you seen the British Airways ad?

It's sad but true.  So, yesterday I went to the store and I wanted to get some Tums for my acid reflux, and they were out. Take a look at this.

I didn't need condoms. Crazy Target.  As you might remember one of the things I like to do in my spare time is to look up certain words on Twitter. One of those words is Foghat and this is one I found recently.

Foghat and Wawa mentioned in the same Tweet! I go to Wawa all the time and I never heard them play "Slow Ride" yet. I'll freak out when I do though.  Okay, it's Summer and one of the best things about Summer is the bikini, except I never go anywhere where there are bikinis. Anyway, I thought I would start to show you some interesting bikinis out there. I think I did this once before, but not sure. Anyway, here we go. While men are free to walk as shirtless as they please, being a topless woman is illegal in some American states. With that in mind, this bizarrely realistic garment, created by Robyn Graves and Michelle Lytle, has been created in order to tackle the lack of gender equality when it comes to bearing all. Although not directly associated, this bikini hits (online) shelves in the wake of the #FreeTheNipple movement.

The campaign... originally started by filmmaker Lina Esco has seen hundreds of women parade topless around New York to end gender-specific double standards. God bless this Lino Esco is what I say. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, here is this week's...

TOP PHIVE REVEALS SURPRISES IN THE NEW HARRY POTTER SHORT STORY
5. Harry's trademark scar is finally gone after Botoxing the hell out of it.
4. Ron's ginger hair is thinning, but not where you'd expect.
3. Because of blatant product placement, Quidditch players must ride around on Swiffers.
2. The last remaining detainees from Gitmo have been transferred to Azkaban, where they await trial.
And the number one reveal surprise in the new Potter short story...
1. Hagrid? Dead from diabetes at age 82.

This is a hard one. If you spot the Mindphuck email me at thepeverettphile@gmail.com or #Philemindphuck @thepeverettphile. I think that's how Twitter works. Okay, long time readers of the Phile know that occasionally I get other people to come on and rant, and tell a story, or whatever. One of the most popular members of the Phile phamily is a New Yorker named Laird. So, here he is once again back on the Phile. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is.

Sigh... Everywhere I go, there's always an asshole... Go out to pick up Italian takeout (chicken & pasta) and as I'm driving home, some 20somethings were on the corner drinking. As I passed by, they intentionally shot a roman candle at my car. They laughed and high fived even though they missed by a few feet. They thought that was funny... wait until they see what I think is funny. I'm gonna go home, throw the pasta in the fridge, break out my old paintball gun and some "pepper spray" ammo that bounty hunters use to take down big fuckers. Then I'm going to drive past them again. Going to give them a second try at hitting me... THEN leave them coughing, with welts, tear filled eyes and snot bubbles in their noses. Do I LOOK like the guy you want to shoot fireworks at?

No you don't, Laird. I am glad you are my friend. Okay, so, the 31st book to be pleatured in the Phile's book club is...

The author, Mark Baxter will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks. 

Today's guest is an actress, comedian and lead singer for the punk performance art comedy mock-n-roll band KILL THE BAND whose latest EP "Happy Ending" is now available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Killy Mockstar Dwyer.

Me: Hello, Killy, welcome to the Phile. How are you? 

Killy: Fan-freakin-tastic! 

Me: Okay, before we talk about your comedy, music and new album I have to ask you about this... you were recently at a comedy club I think and someone got up on stage and said they were Andy Kaufman's daughter? Did I get my facts right? 

Killy: Yes! I was a finalist in the Andy Kaufman awards and during Michael Kaufman’s final speech, just before they named the winner, a young woman named Alex got on stage and claimed she was Andy’s daughter. 

Me: So, what actually happened and did anybody believe it? 

Killy: This has been widely covered in the media, but long story short, Michael (Andy’s brother) talked a lot during his speech about a letter Andy left that Michael found after his death that stated he had faked his death. In the letter, Andy said he would return to the real world at a specific restaurant on a certain date. When that day came Michael (Andy’s brother) had gone to the restaurant to see what (if anything) would happen. Another note arrived for him. The note further explained that Andy had indeed faked his death to move on with a normal life, with a wife and children... to save himself from the stressful lifestyle he felt contributed to his cancer. After Andy and Michael’s father had passed this previous summer, Michael had received a call from a woman claiming to be Andy’s daughter and when he asked if she was there in the audience at the awards, Alex approached the stage and they talked openly in front of everyone about Andy and his life… and that he was alive. In the moment, though everyone knows Andy’s “ways”, we were all transfixed, bewildered, amazed and for maybe a brief time, we believed. Skepticism soon set in and of course, the media ripped the whole thing apart. In this day and age, magic doesn’t get to live to long before it’s illusions are revealed. Like Laurie Anderson said: “I have never been one that hoped that Elvis is still hanging around somewhere, hiding, but I will probably always expect to see Andy reappear, someday. " 

Me: This woman should get the Andy Kaufman award for coming up with the best story. What went through your mind when all this went down, Killy? 

Killy: I really wanted Andy to be alive. Who doesn’t? Especially the people there at the awards. Family, friends contestants who idolized Andy. I was very excited and freaked out a bit, to be honest. Obviously he is one of my favorite influences and there was a stretch of time in that moment that I thought he might actually be there himself. I loved every second of it. In that window of time, it felt real. We were all a captive audience with no media or nay sayers hurling accusations. It felt organic and natural, even if it wasn’t real.. .it was in the style honor of Kaufman. It was electric! 

Me: There's a rumor that Andy is still alive. Do you think he is? 

Killy: I say with all the technology out there someone would of found him. I think I covered that above. I think he is alive. In the flesh? No. In the hearts and minds of performers and audiences who remember him and carry on his crazy, yes. 

Me: It was this story that led me to your Facebook page, as you commented on it, which led me to your website, and music and now this interview. Pretty crazy, right? 

Killy: The whole thing, from my perspective, seems…like one long performance art practical joke on me… much less everyone else that was there that night or effected in the aftermath. I still feel like I’m in it. Answering these questions. Part of me thinks… I don’t know this person, Jason… is it Andy emailing me wanting an ego boost and some entertainment? Of course, it’s not, but it still feels surreal… like the joke will continue forever. NOW THAT is an amazing feat and fantastic performance. One that effects the world long after your death. Makes them seem like they are right there, still fooling ya. 

Me: You were a semi-finalist in the Andy Kaufman Awards like you said. Did you win anything? 

Killy: I’ve entered before, but this was the first year I was was chosen for the semi-finals and made into the finals. I didn’t win, but I plan to enter again next year and I hope I can wow the judges. After this year, who knows? I feel very close to Andy’s family and they are a kind, generous, supportive bunch of people that care about alternative comedy and artists. I feel like I already won. 

Me: Killy, where are you originally from and where do you live now? 

Killy: I was born in San Francisco. Grew up in Ohio and came to NYC 18 years ago. I’ve lived all over the city, but currently reside in BedStuy Brooklyn with my husband Craig, and my dog, Monkey.  

Me: Alright, let's talk about your career, Killy. You are a comedian, actress and musician. So, out of all three, what would you say is the most fun that you do? 

Killy: Let’s do dooo! Hmmmmm… of course, that is an excellent but difficult question. I’d have to say, because my act involves all three arts at the same time, I don’t really have to pick! I’m a comedic performance artist and musician! I guess that’s why I have to use all the entertainment options in my job title. Can’t. Choose. They work well together… and I’d like to think I’ve banged out something unique in the menage a trois of arts! 

Me: Which came first? 

Killy: The rubber chicken! Nawww. Acting came first and really? I just “act” like I can do the rest! 

Me: As a musician you play different instruments, am I right? What is your favorite instrument to play? 

Killy: My favorite instrument to play is the VoiceLive Touch. It is a new fangled technology based instrument... a vocal harmony, looper and effects pedal. 

Me: What instruments do you play? Do you play kazoo? 

Killy: I play many instruments poorly. I am self taught and that is what keeps my style unique. I stay away from formal training... aside from the Opera training I received in college. I vary in degrees of proficiency on guitar, piano. I also delve into using toy instruments in my act such as (your favorite) kazoo, tambourine, toy sax, toy xylophone and I experiment with many musical apps on my iPad mini. 

Me: You are also a songwriter... so am I. Check out my musical project Strawberry Blondes Forever and let me know what you think. I like to write tongue-in-cheek songs, Killy, what kinda songs do you like to write the best? 

Killy: I will absolutely check out SBF! My favorite songs to write are what I call M. Night Shyamalan songs. Songs that have an unexpected twist. They draw you in, make you believe and then turn on you when you least expect it. I write in every genre including, but not limited to, reggae, punk rock, country, metal, classical and experimental. I started writing mostly dark comedy music, but I vary now and have branched out to some even darker, stranger places. 

Me: I love the song "See Something, Say Something". You know, I work at Disney and they have the same motto for security. What was the inspiration behind that song? I'm guessing 9/11. That video looked like it was fun to make. 

Killy: "See Something, Say Something" is a classic, a favorite, a hit and a freaking earwig! Yes! My inspiration came in the years after 9/11. All the fear and suspicion the government has used to control us. It seemed to only make things worse. Paranoia is a funny thing. Not funny ha ha, but funny kitten bombs. The video was a blast and was a gorilla shoot we did all in one day. I have the best fans in the world and they ones who could call out of work that day did, and it was a beautiful, weird, fun shoot. A few tourists even joined in the fun! Ironic, huh? 

Me: Where were you during 9/11? 

Killy: I was living in Harlem with my best friend who has since passed away. He shook me awake and said to come check out the “accident” on TV. Then, only moments later when the second plane crashed into the WTC, we realized it was not an accident. The weeks and months after was a dark time here in the city, but the arts has always helped to heal the wounds of NYC so I am always glad that I am a part of that. 

Me: With acting you have done a few commercials such as for Wendy's and View Scotch Tape. Are commercials fun to do, Killy? Have you done any recent ones? 

Killy: Commercials are work. They aren’t NOT fun… but, there is no artistic merit to a commercial... or very rarely, anyway. I don’t feel connected to commercial work as an artist, but I do them well and I am grateful for the work. I was a machine there for awhile booking 8 National commercials over a reasonably short amount of time. The industry was easier then and I was perfect for the kookie young mom, or goofy store clerk. There is a lot less work in commercials these days and I recently parted with my commercial agent. I do hope to hook up with the right people and get back into the game, but as of right now, I am a free agent.  

Me: You have also acted in some TV shows, am I right? What shows have you been in? I take it they were all comedic roles. Is comedy easier to do than drama? 

Killy: I have done both comedic and dramatic roles. I find them both exciting, challenging and rewarding. It really depends on the material, the people you work with, the director and a whole slew of other criteria to decipher whether a role is moderately easy or hard. I was recently nominated for best supporting actress (Hoboken Film Festival) in a dark feature film called The Crab. It was great to spread my wings after doing mostly comedic roles and I found it both intense and thrilling. To be concise, most of my roles are comedic in nature now, but I feel fully capable and ready, willing and able to take dramatic parts. 

Me: I was watching a bunch of your videos and the Shart Week one was one of my favorites. Here's a  screen shot from it.

                                         

Me: How did you come up with that idea, Killy? 

Killy: I do a lot of videos in my bath tub. I like it there. Comfortable. Clean. Happy place. It was Shark Week and I really just yelled to my husband from the tub that we should parody it with Shart Week. He got the camera. We improvised. and 2 hours later it was edited and on YouTube. Those are the best videos. The ones that are easy, short and to the point. 

Me: Are you always thinking of bits and skits to do? 

Killy: Always. I have 1000’s of ideas and terrible editing skills. I write everything down, though poorly organized, it’s all there. I’ll get to it eventually! Being bi-polar my manic mind is both a blessing and a curse. 

Me: Okay, after discovering you I first heard you sing with your band KILL THE BAND. That should be in capital letters, right? 

Killy: RIGHT! 

Me: How long has that band been together, Killy? 

Killy: KILL THE BAND was together 5 years. 

Me: And where did that name come from? I'm guessing a part of it is from your name... Killy.

Killy: The name came partly from my name and partly from constantly wanting to kill one or more of the band members. Plotting. Never acting, of course. Mostly do to scheduling challenges, and too much boy noise. 

Me: Who is in KILL THE BAND with you? 

Killy: Mike Milazzo: guitar, Joe Yoga: bass, Blair Frowner: Sax, Nicholas Fox: Human Drum Machine/mouth percussion.

Me: So, what is a typical KILL THE BAND show like? 

Killy: Punk-rock has a three way with rap and comedy while musical theater jerks off in the corner? Outrageous. Intense. Mesmerizing. Like being being part of a beautiful accident on a roller coaster to ha ha land. It’s hard to put into words a feeling. Electric and connected... everyone took the same hit of acid. Never the same show twice. 

Me: Okay, let's talk about your new EP "Happy Ending". Where did that title come from? KILL THE BAND is not breaking, right? 

Killy: "Happy Ending" was our 3rd and final album. It was closure for a fantastic 5 year musical experiment. KILL THE BAND the “performance art piece” lives on, but the band as it was is DEAD. 

Me: The EP has a punkish song, a rock song and even a Christmas song. Is there one genre you like singing or writing the best? 

Killy: I like to jump from genre to genre. I have musical ADD and I never want to bore the audience or myself with the expected. Always keep them guessing about what’s going to happen next. 

Me: I enjoy the videos you make and you came out with a video for "Anal For Christmas". Will you be doing anymore videos for any of these five songs? 

Killy: I will be making videos for all 5 songs and all 13 songs off of "Mock Bottom". Video is the next part of the KILL THE BAND project, both with a documentary about our experience and a visual art piece or video for every song we have recorded. It’s an exciting phase and one that I am working closely with my husband, Craig on. He is a phenomenal film maker and we are excited to take the KTB music to the next level. 

Me: Did you do all the songwriting, Killy? 

Killy: I write all the songs, but of course each band member contributes their part on whatever instrument they are playing. I write. We arrange. 

Me: I have to ask you about the song "God Wants You To Cum". I know there has to be a story behind this song, am I right? 

Killy: The song was inspired by my friend Angelica and a One Woman Show she did years ago that dealt with her past of molestation by her preacher grandfather, her present as a spiritual orgasner and her journey to find her clitoris. It’s a tutorial, really. I think people underestimate and misunderstand the female orgasm and clitoris. Kegel to the beat, yo! 

Me: Okay, let's talk about Funny Not Slutty. What is that exactly? 

Killy: Funny Not Slutty is a website I occasionally contribute content to. I would say it’s a part-time job. I am a fan of the site and of it’s fearless leader Jacki Sklar. It empowers funny women and gives them a fun forum to do their thing in. I’m a fan and featured artist. 

Me: And I have to mention Alter Ego - Vaudeville Surreal. That’s an improve group you host, am I right? 

Killy: Alter Ego was a neo-vaudeville variety show I ran for 5 years. It was a monthly show that featured hundreds of unique artists over the years. I am very proud of AE. It was my baby and it gave a lot of alternative artists a place to feel supported, respected and celebrated. KILL THE BAND was the house band. It was a fantastic run. 

Me: What does your family or parents think about your talent and everything? They should be all proud as you do have a lot of talent. 

Killy: My parents are conservative and from Ohio, but they are supportive. They don’t especially understand or appreciate some of my dirtier content, but they give me the freedom to live my life. They know I am special and loved by the artists in NYC and they are incredibly happy I am married and no longer THEIR problem.

Me: Did you always want to be some kind of performer growing up? 

Killy: Always. Always. Always. I wake up and the show starts. 

Me: Killy, it's a pleasure to have you here on the Phile. Was this one of the best interviews you have ever done? 

Killy: It was thorough and it’s a pleasure to have you interested in what I do. I enjoyed answering these questions because it really makes me think about why I do what I do, and why I am who I am. Thank you very much for the time and the interest. I will absolutely spread the word about you! 

Me: Thanks! All the best, continued success and please come back. 

There, that about does it for another entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and Killy Mockstar Dwyer. The Phile will be back next Thursday with Ian Margolycz from the band Velvet Ants and on Friday jazz musician John Funkhouser. What a cool name. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker.