Pheaturing Graham Parker

PHIRST OF

Hey there, welcome to the 250th entry of the Peverett Phile. Two hundred and fifty. Man, that's a lot of time wasted at my computer. It beats looking at porn... or does it? The Phile is a proud sponsor of TACAnow.org and generationrescue.org. Autism is reversible. Today's special guest is the one and only Graham Parker, and it is such an honor to have him here on the Phile.

Bernie Madoff is in prison for 150 years. He has hired a prison consultant... I believe it's Martha Stewart. Good news for his wife, Ruth Madoff. They returned her passport. Earlier today, she flew off to Argentina with Gov. Sanford. How about Kim Jong Il? Shooting off missiles and scaring everybody... he made a rare appearance the other day. Here's what happened: He saw the shadow of his hair and went back in his hole. People who watch him said he looked ill and haggard. In fact, a headline read, "Kim Jong Il, Ill." Sarah Palin is no longer the governor of Alaska. It looks like she may get her own TV program. And I was thinking, “I don’t know... she seems pretty camera shy...” Man, that's one person I would love to interview. Most people know me know I do not like bugs, animals or anything like that. So, imagine what I think about this five foot spider that was found on our patio.

Actually, it's not that big, my wife just has an amazing camera. But look at that thing. It looks like it has a human face.

Phact 1: A person will burn 7% more calories if they walk on hard dirt, as opposed to pavement.
Phact 2: Americans spend more than $13 billion per year on intimate apparel.
Phact 3: Ulysses S. Grant died of throat cancer. He smoked about 20 cigars per day for most of his life.
Phact 4: In Hebrew, "golem" means "undeveloped lump."
Phact 5: James Ritty, an American restaurant owner, invented the first practical cash register in 1879. A bell rang each time the cash drawer was opened to help reduce theft.

First, Entertainment Weekly is reporting that Cameron Diaz is in talks to play the female lead in The Green Hornet. Her reps declined to comment. She'd be a natural against Seth Rogen, that's for sure. I still don't even know what to make of this project, but I do want it to get underway so I can judge it with a little less of a kneejerk reaction. Spider-Man 4 has a new writer, says The Hollywood Reporter. Gary Ross has been brought on to do a rewrite. Ross has worked with Tobey Maguire before on Seabiscuit and Pleasantville, and is collaborating with him on Toyko Suckerpunch. He's the third screenwriting heavyweight to tackle it, as James Vanderbilt and Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright David Lindsay-Abaire have both tried to crack the web-spinner. Should we start seeing red flags? Or will the combo of Vanderbilt, Ross, and Lindsay-Abaire make something Shakespearean out of Spider-Man? Edgar Wright told Omelete that he's eager to return to Ant-Man, and plans to return to the erstwhile Avenger once Scott Pilgrim is done. "Ant Man is something that I need to return to. I wrote a draft before Scott Pilgrim started and it's kind on back burner slightly just because I've been busy with this. But it's something that I have got to return to. I have to do another draft after Scott Pilgrim is done... When you come away from something it's good and fun to rework what you've already done. But I'm very happy with the first draft and we need to get back into business."
Marc Guggenheim once hinted there might be a Superman cameo in The Green Lantern. He couldn't tell the Splash Page whether or not it still exists, but he did reveal that you can't really believe any rumor you hear about the Emerald Knight. "Honestly, it changes on a daily basis. Whatever information I gave you today would be obsolete in a week, and maybe come back again in two weeks. And even if it wasn't in flux at the script stage, it would still be constantly in flux because you can film it, put it in the original cut, and eventually it could end up on the editing room floor... I will say, all the Easter Eggs and the cameos that I put in, I couldn't even begin to predict at this point which ones will stay and which ones will go. I'll be as interested as anyone else to see what we end up keeping and losing by the time the picture is actually locked... and that's pretty far away from now." An anonymous source told Comics2Film that Stephen Norrington's remake of The Crow isn't going to be a remake after all. It's a "very different from the original - a whole new story about a whole new character." Norrington already promised a whole new take when the news was announced in December, insisting it would shy away from Alex Proyas' Gothic gloom. "Whereas [Alex] Proyas' original was gloriously gothic and stylized, the new movie will be realistic, hard-edged and mysterious, almost documentary-style." I doubt that'll pacify the fanbase who doesn't even want to see it touched, though...

This is very exciting. Today's a British rock singer and songwriter who is best known as the lead singer of popular British New Wave band Graham Parker & the Rumour. He'll be playing on July 24th at The Record Collector in Bordentown, NJ. Please welcome to the Phile... Graham Parker.



Me: Hello, Graham, welcome to the Phile. I have to kiss ass and say that this is the biggest honor. When I started out doing the Phile Interviews last December I wrote down five names of people I must interview and yours was number one. So, thanks again. Anyway, how are you?

Graham: Hi Jason, I’m doing fine. Plenty of solo shows keeping me busy.

Me: Thanks for sending me a copy of your new CD "Carp Fishing On Valium - The Songs". Is this a CD you have been planning on releasing for a while?

Graham: I recorded the songs on my Sony Walkman Pro cassette recorder back in 2000 and sent a copy to John Howells, my website manager, for his amusement. He sent it back to me in CD format mere months ago and asked if I’d like it out on the site. I thought both the performances and the sound — tape hiss notwithstanding — were good enough and so gave the go ahead.

Me: The book version came out in 2000, right? I love your writing style, Graham. Is writing a book relaxing for you? Does it come easier then writing songs?

Graham: Yes, the book came out and Alan Pepper, who used to run the Bottom Line in New York, suggested I write songs to go with the stories. I came up with a bunch of songs and then went on tour with it to promote the book. I would read about a 15 minute section from each story and then do the song based on it. Some people loved it, others were tearing their hair out! Quite challenging for both the audience and performer, I must say. As for writing books, as I was telling everyone who would listen at the time: Writing books is men’s work, writing songs is for boys. Talk about tough. Even a short story has a whole wider arc to keep track of, let alone a novel. A song is generally on a page, two at most, in front of you. Easy to keep track of. Easy to see how crappy the second verse is and re-write it. With 20 pages of stuff it is not so easy at all to keep track of it, stylistically, or any other way. I enjoyed the flow of writing the stories, which came out with ease, but then you really have to re-write much of it. Really knock it into shape which can take forever. No, I think for the most part I’ll stick with my day job, thanks.

Me: You had another book out called "The Other Life of Brian". I haven't read that one, sir. Is it a sequel to "Carp..." or a whole new set of stories?

Graham: This is a novel. The narrator is still Brian Porker, however. Most of it was actually written before the “Carp” stories but I was on such a roll I kept writing and out came the short stories. As I was writing them I thought that I was finally finding my voice and that perhaps the novel should be put on the back burner and worked on again later. “Brian” is a hoot, though. Not as good as the short stories, but if you liked them you’d probably enjoy “Brian.”

Me: You do a lot of writing on your website as well as your own blogspot page. Ever think about writing an autobiography?

Graham: I think I prefer to aspect certain areas of my life in fiction, as I did with both the short stories and the novel. It’s much more fun to take a tiny slice of real life experience and then surround it in lies! Because it’s fiction, it’s legitimate! I don’t feel important enough or interesting enough to write an autobiography. Seems a bit of a puffed up idea to me.

Me: Thanks for releasing so many live 'bootlegs' on you website over the years. Is that something you enjoy putting out, and will you keep doing it? By the way, I just purchase the latest one that was done in '75. The only other band that I know that does that, which hurts my wallet is The Barenaked Ladies. What do you think of them?

Graham: As long as we get enough varied and usable materiel to work with, we’ll most probably keep putting them out. Or until they stop selling completely. I think that might put a stop to it! I’ve heard a bit of the BNL’s but was not particularly impressed with what I heard. I may not have heard enough though.

Me: I interviewed a gentleman you know... Mike Gent... and he asked me to ask you if you would want to do an acoustic studio album with the Figgs. So, I promised I would ask you that. Whatcha think?

Graham: Mike asks me a question like that every other week! Tell him I’d like the Figgs to suddenly become really huge and then I could open for them doing 45 minutes solo and they could pay me way too much cos they’re fans of mine. That would work for me.

Me: Would there ever be a chance that you would do a Rumour reunion album or tour? By the way, I always grin at the rumour line in "Canned Laughter".

Graham: Well spotted on that line! I think the best reason for old bands to reunite is to make a shitload of money. I can’t see any other good reason. Me and the Rumour got as far as 2 to 3 thousand seaters at best, playing those with a six piece band and a crew and all the rest of the expenses would mean I’d be ponying up for it. Besides that, we all grew up and have lives now. And my singing voice is a totally different animal these days. I could certainly adjust it a little and do a pale comparison of that horrid screeching I did back then but why would I want to? If we’d reached the commercial level of say, the Police, and I could make a ton of money touring, I’d most certainly do it. But that is not the case. There’s plenty of footage of us showing that on a good night we were one of the best rock ‘n’ roll bands ever to take to the boards. Best to leave it at that.

Me: I hope you don't mind that when I post jokes on my Phile it's under the Canned Laughter banner.

Graham: Ha! Nice.

Me: Graham, I know you love the old soul, Stax records? Is there any bands that are current you are into now?

Graham: The best soul singer and writer since the sixties is Amy Winehouse. At least on “Back To Black.” There’s nothing else even close. She’ll probably not be able to follow it up with anything anywhere near as good, though. Moving away from soul music, I just heard an amazing singer/songwriter named Neal Gomberg. He opened for me recently and my jaw dropped a little at the quality of his songs. He’s 55 and apparently started writing songs when he was 50! And I saw Theresa Andersson on youtube and was similarly impressed. Check her out. Also, that Fiest album is very good.

Me: Over the years you have thrown in songs from Billy Idol, Nirvana, Oasis, and many more into your sets. How do you pick which songs you're gonna cover? And if you were gonna cover a Foghat song, what would it be?

Graham: I can’t give a definitive answer to your question. It’s just a gut instinct, a vague idea that my audience will enjoy the choice, and a love for the song, or at least a strong feeling that it’s a song I could really get my teeth into and make mine. I just find myself strumming these tunes with vague and small amounts of the reasons above running through my head, then I do them live for a while and soon often forget I even did them. I remember the Foghat hits but they might be too obvious. By the way, did you know we opened for them a couple of times? In Toledo on Monday 12/6/76 and the next day in Erie, PA, according to the “Struck By Lightning” website’s gig list page. This is the first year of my touring career. I can’t recall a thing about these shows which is probably a good thing. The ones I remember are for acts like Journey, Skynard and Blue Oyster Cult where we had an entire audience of thousands of young men shouting “Fuck Off English Faggots!” at us. Although, judging by the location of these shows, you’d think the reaction would have been similar. Also, I used to see Savoy Brown often around 1968/69 in the Surrey area.

Me: Years ago you opened for U2 for one show, right? How did that happen? What is your favorite show you ever did?

Graham: Me and the Figgs were on tour and on our way up to Baltimore to play a venue when my agent called the tour manager and said that someone in the band opening for U2 (Garbage) was ill and couldn’t appear and someone from the U2 camp had noticed we were coming to the vicinity. Our show was at a club and scheduled for 11PM so we had time to arrive at the Enormodome and open for U2 at around 8PM. We killed, too. There’s too many good shows to nail one special gig down.

Me: Was your worst the one at the Milk Bar in Jacksonville?

Graham: Well, I certainly think that playing in front of ten thousand out of date morons in Flint, MI opening for Journey was up there with the worst! But yes, Jacksonville was a total misfire. Playing to two couples and a mental defective and watching a fight break out, especially when you’re in the 25th year of your career, is not something that a fragile, drug addict artiste could survive without a suicide attempt. You have to have your shit together to keep going after a night like that.

Me: I read a few years ago you wanted to put a DVD out of your history or a concert, sir. Is that something you still might do?

Graham: Someone has been making a documentary about me since the year 2000. There was one time when I didn’t hear from him for an entire year and I was hoping that it was gonna go away. But no, it’s still being made. This is being done by the folks who did “The End Of The Century,” the Ramones documentary. In fact, I heard they were still interviewing some artist the other day. It’s still being made. Snore…

Me: Okay, the Beatles or the Stones?

Graham: Both. OK, an edge to the Stones as far as influencing my work. Quite a big edge.

Me: Jon Tiven did a Graham Parker tribute album. Did you know he was doing it? Did you like it? What was it called?

Graham: That must be “Piss & Vinegar.” Some guy out of Hackettstown, NJ had a little label called Buy Or Die Records and did this tribute that was stuffed full of acts nobody’s heard of, apart from Frank Blank and Pat Dinizio. It was OK, especially a version of “Black Honey” by a guy named Neal Casal. I thought that fella was going places but I never heard about him again.

Me: Graham, you don't live in England anymore, right? I was born in Balem, London (Gateway to the South) but lived in Putney. Where is Deepcut in relation and where do you reside now?

Graham: Deepcut is about 35 or 40 miles southwest of London. The A30 takes you down to Bagshot and you go a bit past there and hang a left. Or take the M3. It’s not far from Camberley, Guildford, and Aldershot, the Home Of The British Army. I grew up in the country and am still a wildlife freak, so there are similarities to where I reside now, which is in upstate New York (although there aren’t any mountains in Surrey!). I spent much of my time as a kid studying birds, reptiles, amphibians… the list goes on. This part of the world up here is marvelous for an observer of the natural world so it’s perfect for me. Just today, I was stalking wood ducks along the woodland stream on my land and had a nice visit from a towhee. Paradise.

Me: A friend wanted to ask you if you would ever consider doing an album of duets. I think you and Glenn Tilbrook would sound excellent together.

Graham: I don’t seek this stuff out but don’t rule it out either. It needs a mover and a shaker to put the right people together and I’d certainly consider it.

Me: Have you seen or heard of this Tex Skerball on youtube? Some people say its you. Is it?

Graham: Tex? A real phenomenon. Probably a genius and the only serious political writer working the scene. But a bit of a recluse it seems. He appears to be keeping his profile exclusively to youtube and try as I might, I can’t convince him to come and open for me anywhere. So I occasionally cover one of his tunes onstage.

Me: Any plans on a new album, sir?

Graham: I’m writing a bit. I’m always secretive about when I’m recording, however. I don’t even tell my record company until I’ve finished the record, then I send it to them and ask them to reimburse me what it cost to make. I like this arrangement.

Me: Graham, I have like a hundred more questions to ask you, but I think this is a shit load already. Once again thank you and I hope I asked some good stuff. If not, let me know, and I hope to interview you again. Please let me know if there's anything I can do. All the best to you and your family.

Graham: Thanks, Jason. Best to you, too.

PHINALLY

There you go. The 250th entry of the Phile with my favorite interview to date. Thanks to Graham, John Howells from grahamparker.net and Joseph Swank for helping to set up this interview. The Phile will be back on Friday with singer Tyler Summers. Now I am gonna take Logan to his guitar lessons. So, until Friday, spread the word, not the turd.

Pheaturing Dalmacio Von Diamond

PHIRST OF

Hey there, welcome to another entry of the Phile for a Phriday. The Phile is a proud sponsor on TACAnow.org and generationrescue.org. Are you kids "American Idol" fans? Today and yesterday the auditions are taking place in Orlando. I would go, but it's hot, I don't like crowds, I am too old and I can't sing. Apart from that, I think I could make it. Ha! I have more chance being on "The Deadliest Catch" than Idol. The big news: Sarah Palin quitting as governor of Alaska. Everybody was shocked. Even John McCain was surprised. He was like, "Who?" Palin hasn't made a decision this controversial since deciding whether to wear her hair up or down. Don't worry, though. Alaska will be fine. According to the state's Constitution, the job automatically goes to the lieutenant governor — Chilly Willy. Los Angeles has declared war on marijuana dispensaries, where you get medical marijuana for medical reasons... glaucoma, tunnel vision... strangely, half of Los Angeles is suffering from the scourge of tunnel vision. It's an epidemic there. It's worse than Botox or lying about your age. You have to get a prescription from your doctor, which is not difficult in this town. M.D. stands for "marijuana dude." There’s a new study that says over the course of a lifetime, the average woman spends a year of her life deciding what to wear. Some women spend a lot more time than that. Cher has a 10,000-square-foot dressing room in Las Vegas. Every night she spends hours trying stuff on — noses, ears... she’s like Mr. Potato Head. They say that women get dressed up to impress other women. I think that’s true because no guy ever turned a woman down because her shoes didn’t match her earrings. Guys work differently. It’s basically the smell test: You pick it up, and if doesn’t smell that bad — put it on. I told you the last week, I think it was, about pin trading at Disney, right? Disney has some very unusual pins, as well as the normal movie, ride, theme park and character pins. Take a look at this one. It's either me in twenty years time or Worzel Gummidge.

See what I'm talking about? Me as a homeless person. So, I have a good interview today, but before that...

From the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is this week's top ten list...

Top Ten Things The Founding Fathers Would Say If They Were Alive Today
10. "All those that are bummed about Jon & Kate say 'Aye'"
9. "So we're agreed: $10 billion to bailout the powdered wig industry."
8. "Where is this Appalachian Trial I keep hearing about?"
7. "Total cost of the Revolutionary War was less than a Yankees ticket."
6. "Do you think Mount Rushmore makes my head look fat?"
5. "Hey, Adams! You're on HBO DVD, whatever that means."
4. "Ben Franklin keeps tweeting me."
3. "Where can one procure a Donald Trump wig?"
2. "Give me liberty or give me an iPhone."
And the number thing the founding fathers would say if they were alive today...
1. "We hold these truths to be self-evident -- Megan Fox is smoking hot!"

I can't believe I keep forgetting to do this the last few entries. Anyway, here we go.
Billy Mays: But wait! There's more! Oh. No. Nevermind.
Karl Malden: Left home.
Allen Klein: Sort of a behind-the-scenes Yoko, if you will.
Robert McNamara: Known as the chief architect of the Vietnam war. Thanks, Bob.

1856
Inventor and electromechanical genius Nikola Tesla is born to Serbian parents in what is now Croatia.
1923
Hailstones as heavy as two pounds kill 23 people in Rostov, Russia.
1972
A herd of angry, startled elephants emerges from India's Chandka Forest, and tramples five villages, killing 24 inhabitants.
1984
British customs officials in London open a large wooden crate marked "diplomatic baggage" because of its extremely odd odor. Inside they discover Alhaji Umaru Dikko, Nigeria's former Minister of Transport and Aviation. He had been abducted, drugged, and bound for Nigeria to face trial for embezzlement.
1985
Greenpeace ship Rainbow Warrior is blown up by in Auckland Harbor, killing a photographer. After the New Zealand government determines that French secret agents were responsible, the French Defense Minister resigns and the agents are jailed.
1992
Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega sentenced to 40 years in prison for eight counts of drug trafficking, money laundering, and racketeering.

Man, that was a pain to do that image. So, I hope Mr. Von Diamond appreciates it. Today's guest is a singer who is bringing the stage back, one show at a time... His next show will be at Silver Factory Studios in Los Angeles and if you rush out tonight, he'll be at Spaceland, in Silverlake California. Please welcome to the Phile... Dalmacio Von Diamond.

Me: Hello, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Dalmacio: Hello. I am well. You?

Me: So, Dalmacio, is that your real name? It's very long and complicated... Dalmacio Von Diamond, but a cool name nonetheless. What do people call you for short? Can I call you Dal?

Dalmacio: Dalmacio is in fact my birth name, it is my father's name and also my great-grandfather's name. Most people call me Del.

Me: There's not much info on the web to go on, so describe your music for the Phile readers. I would prefer a reader of Phile to have a hear themselves. I would hate to lead people on with an grandiose description only to disappoint as would I hate to dissuade someone from listening with a poor description.

Dalmacio: To me you sound very Nick Cave-ish which is cool, or the Damned. Who are your influences? I would say the former has been an influence on me, yes. I really love the entirety of Scott Walker's output from the Pop crooner stuff to later more oblique experimental jaunts. I love Prince. I also really enjoy Pulp, Tim Buckley, Townes Van Zandt, Fred Neil and Tindersticks. I also have a wide array of influences that aren't necessarily musical. Namely Cinema and Literature.

Me: How long have you been playing, Dal? You had two earlier bands, right? Holy Curtain and Swift Wings. How is the new band different from those bands?

Dalmacio: I have been noodling about on various instruments since I was a teen. I didn't attempt to play guitar or write songs until I was 20 or so though. This project had always been a "side project" to those previous bands only because I didn't have the confidence to really write songs that I like. The two previous bands were more "fun", chaotic and ugh-"experimental".

Me: Your new band is called The Enochian Keys. Explain to the dumbass that I am what the hell does that mean.

Dalmacio: First, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Most people associate or attribute the Keys of Enoch to the late Anton Lavey. Though he may have canonized it in popular culture and in the minds of every aspiring Satanist or would-be Goth, the Keys of Enoch is basically the divine language of Angels as heard by some random dude from the 16th century and his seer.
Casey, our guitar player came up with the idea to name the band The Enochian Keys, which I thought was brilliant but would further convolute our already prolix name.

Me: Speaking of your band, who are they, and what do they play?

Dalmacio: A band of the highest Caliber are The Enochian Keys: Jay Torres plays Keys and extra percussion and also writes and paints in his spare time. Luis Perez play Drums and actually co-produced the album with me before there was even a band. He is also in a fantastic band called Jesus Makes the Shotgun Sound. Casey Geisen plays lead guitar and back up vocals and also makes very funny films. David Garcia plays Bass and started and runs Albino Crow Music which put out the LP version of "The Other Side of Darkness". And our latest edition is Ram who plays Cello and Rhythm Guitar, he is also a member of Jesus Makes the Shotgun Sound and a wonderful musician.

Me: Where in California are you based? Do you ever get to play outside Cali?

Dalmacio: I live in Echo Park which is a neighborhood in Los Angeles, CA. Most of the band live in the area as well. We have yet to play outside of California with this outfit but hope to very soon.

Me: Tell the Phile phans about the album "The Other Side of Darkness". Where was it recorded, who produced it, and is it a concept album?

Dalmacio: Most of the album was recorded in Luis' bedroom and Ram's living room, and some of the vocals were recorded in my closet. Luis and I share production credit but he did a hell of a lot more work than myself. He's a wizard. It's not really a concept album but the idea was to write simple tidy pop songs that move in the same direction.

Me: Finally, plug your website and give the readers a word of wisdom.

Dalmacio: Our website is www.myspace.com/asilenthistory and the record label's website is www.albinocrowmusic.com. Tell your mother you love her.

Me: Thanks for doing this interview, Dal. I hope it was fun. Was it?

Dalmacio: Oh indeed.

PHINALLY

Thanks to Dal for a really good interview. Download his CD at iTunes, you'd like it. I am sure. Thanks also to Wikipedia for helping with the history facts. Now for a very special announcement. Monday is the next entry and it's the 25oth entry of the blog. Can you believe that? And on this milestone the guest is one of my number one favorite singers of all time, someone I have been listening to since I was a kid, someone who is my idol. Next Monday Graham Parker will be the guest on the Phile. I am so excited! So, have a good weekend, and spread the word not the turd.

Pheaturing Mark Trojanowski From Sister Hazel

PHIRST OF

Hey, there, welcome to the Phile for a Monday, proud sponsor of generationrescue.org and TACAnow.org. So, how's everybody feeling? I feel like a monorail that got hit by another monorail. Did you hear about that? On July 4th a Monorail rammed into another monorail, killing the driver. My heart goes out to him and his family, but I am waiting for Disney to release the monorail crash pin. The Obama figure at Disney's Hall of President's is doing great, except for the Michelle Obama figure keeps trying to knock him out of the way. South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford and his wife spent July 4th in Florida. That guy is slick. At Disney it's South America Tourist Season so he can have a wide choice of pickings. It's like a candy shop for him. Hey, I have a question for you? What's a Fro Gleg? Many of you sent me e-mail asking what do I do at Disney. Okay, only a handful of you asked, but that doesn't matter. I work my butt off everyday, eight hours a day, five days a week. It's a very stressful job, and I come home aching and in pain everyday. Don't believe me? Here is a picture of me at work so you can see for yourself.

See what I mean? LOL. Thanks to Lamonte for taking that picture without me knowing. Alright, I have a really cool guest for you today... Mark Trojanowski from Sister Hazel. Yes, I am doing this blog 'all for you'. But phirst, some other stuff and a special Monorail version of...

Phact 1: There are two monorails systems at WDW. The first (and obvious one) is the concrete-beam Bombadier transporation system around the property. The second is the pirate ships of Peter Pan's Flight.
Phact 2: When the driver comes into the station with his arms folded in a "X" against his chest. The passengers in the front car will not be getting off so no one else can sit up front.
Phact 3: Throughout the 1970's and into the 1980's the voice heard on all Disney monorails, as well as most all the voiceover work for all the parks was the legendary "Voice of Disney", Jack Wagner. One interesting side note is that Jack's home in Southern California was one of the first uses for a direct audio link from a remote recording studio. It was put in by Disney in the 70's and connected a voiceover booth in his home to Studio D at Disneyland in Anaheim. He frequently would receive last minute calls for special events and was able to just walk over to the booth and "beam" it directly to the park. Anyhow, with the amount of work that Florida was generating after Epcot and the Studios opened, plus the fact that Jack wanted to head towards retiring sometime, other voice talent was sought out locally in Florida. There have been several people used in voiceover work since then, one of them being Kevin Miles, who is one of the original members of the Voices of Liberty at Epcot, and can still be heard there daily. Kevin recorded the monorail voiceovers after the Grand Floridian was built, and his voice was still there until the 25th Anniversary rolled around, when it was updated by one of the new voiceover talents. The amount of voiceover work at the parks now is astronomical, and it is shared by a couple of people who have "the voice", including Kevin. Interestingly enough, though, Jack's voice can still be heard welcoming everyone to Orlando on the monorails at the airport terminals.
Phact 4: The monorail is kept at 45mph in regular service because of wear and tear (anyway the rides already bumpy imagine it faster).
Phact 5: How do the Monorails keep from crashing into each other? On the beamway at certain points there are transmitters. These MAPO transmitters send an electrical signal through the track. When a train is on the track, it blocks that signal. These transmitters correspond to locations on the beam called Holdpoints. The holdpoints are located at certain numbers, which must all be committed to memory (your memory, not the train's). Each train has a receiver that can tell how many of these signals it is receiveing. Say Monorail Red is driving behind Monorail Blue. If there are four transmitters between the trains, Red will only get four signals, because all the signalls ahead of Blue are blocked by that train's presense. If Red gets within two holdpoints of Blue, the train's MAPO receiver will say "Hey, you're gettin' close buddy!" and turn on an amber light on the console with a beeping alarm. At that point the driver consults his super-keen monorail-intellect and figures out where the next holdpoint is. He then stops there and tells all the passesngers that the train is "waiting for further traffic clearance." If Red doesn't stop at that holdpoint? When he passes over the transmitter at that holdpoint, and his MAPO is then only receiving ONE signal, the train will automatically assume the driver is insane: "Hey this idiot is tryin' ta dent my nose!" The train puts on 85-90 psi air brakes and stops on a dime, then you get canned. Well actually you're allowed three "overruns" (the term for crossing the line). If however you do something that is really dangerous, Good Bye. Three overruns is the limit for your entire career. They never go away. MAPO, by the way, is a subsidiary of WED (Walter Elias Disney) Transportation. The name is short for Mary Poppins.

1415
Jan Hus is burned at the stake for various heresies by the Council of Constance. Among other things, Hus had incited the citizens of Prague to protest against antipope John XXIII and his policy of granting indulgences.
1535
Sir Thomas More, an English politician, is sentenced to be hanged, drawn and quartered. King Henry VIII takes pity on him and changes the sentence to beheading. Said head is hung on display from London Bridge before being rescued by his daughter a month later.
1944
Fire breaks out at a matinee performance of the Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Baily Circus burning 168 people to death, and injuring an additional 250. The main tent had been waterproofed with wax thinned by gasoline. Said one of the Flying Wallendas, "I can never look down at a crowd again without smelling the flames and the burning flesh."
1945
The Joint Chiefs of Staff approve Operation OVERCAST, intended to "exploit... chosen rare minds whose continuing intellectual productivity we wish to use." The directive authorizes the immigration of up to 350 German and Austrian specialists, primarily experts in rocketry. Operation OVERCAST is later renamed Project PAPERCLIP.
1988
The Piper Alpha oil platform catches fire, explodes killing 167 men. The workers were faced with the choice of choking on smoke, being burned to death or leaping 150 feet into 57-degree water.

Okay, today's guest is the drummer for an alternative rock band from Gainesville, Florida, whose style also blends elements of folk rock, pop and southern rock who will be performing at Galena & Broadway in Aurora, Illinois on July 10th. Please welcome from Sister Hazel... Mark Trojanowski.

Me: Hello, Mark, welcome to the Phile. So, how are you? And how is your new baby doing? Is it a he or she? It must be over a year old now, right?

Mark: I am doing quite well. My son Miles is great. He just turned 14 months and he is just amazing to be with. He was named after the famous jazz trumpeter Miles Davis. We have the jazz family at our house. We had a 6 year old Golden retriever who passed away suddenly last year after Miles was born and his name was Coltrane (after saxophonist John Coltrane). We just adopted another golden puppy 3 weeks ago and his name is Monk (after pianist Thelonious Monk).

Me: The band as most people know are from Gainesville, Florida. Do you still live there?

Mark: No I do not live there anymore. Right after the “somewhere more familiar” tour ended in 1999 myself, Ryan, and Jett moved out of Gainesville, and Ken and Drew stayed in town because they each have all their families living there. I moved to Nashville for a couple of years and then moved to Atlanta where I have been living since 2001.

Me: Ever ate at Leonardo's?

Mark: Yes I have eaten at Leonardo's the pizza place and Leonardo's 706. Both are very good restaurants. Growing up in New York certainly spoiled me from having so many great places to eat as well as having the world’s best pizza.

Me: The band formed in '93, and had their first album out in '94. When did you join the band, Mark? After the second album I believe.

Mark: I joined the band in the summer of 1995. I drummer friend of mine had grown up with Ken and Drew and he told me that they were looking for a new drummer. The white album was recorded in 1994 as a cassette and I did not play on that album. It was released as a CD in the summer of 1995. Ryan joined the band in January of 1996 and we went in to record “Somewhere More Familiar” in May of 1996 independently.

Me: Over the years Sister Hazel became good friends with Hootie, right? How did the two bands become good pals? A lot of touring, I am guessing. Do you still hear from those guys?

Mark: Yes we are very good friends with all of the Hootie and The Blowfish guys as well as other southeastern artists who we toured with like Edwin McCain. We were all touring the same cities same clubs and playing festivals together. Hootie runs a charity golf tournament (Monday After The Masters) and we have been doing that event for many years and enjoying hanging out with those guys.

Me: Most readers of the Phile probably will know the story of the band name. The band is named after a nun, right? Does she know and is she still alive?

Mark: A female Minister from Gainesville Florida. Yes she knows of the band and we have done a few charity shows for her cause and she is still alive.

Me: I have to ask about "All For You". Is that the "Slow Ride" of Sister Hazel? The song everyone knows from you guys. How did that song change your lives?

Mark: I definitely think it is one of our songs that many people know because it was all over the radio in 1996 and 1997. I also think that "Happy", "Your Winter", "Change Your Mind" and "Champagne High" are songs that also really connected with people. "Your Winter" was in that movie Ten Things I Hate About You and without ever being a radio song we have just as many people singing every lyric to it. I think “All For You" opened doors for us to get exposure nationally and to establish ourselves.

Me: Do you get sick of playing it?

Mark: It is hard to get sick playing a song that gets such an overwhelming crowd response.

Me: Have you heard J.D. Meredith's blues version of it? What do you think?

Mark: I have not heard it. I tried to Google it today but could not find a copy of it. You will have to send me a link to where I can find it.

Me: I read somewhere there's a live CD and DVD out from you guys. When did it come out, where was it recorded?

Mark: It came out in March of 2003. The concert portion was recorded in Orlando at The House Of Blues. The DVD was broken down into 2 parts (the concert and then about a 1 1/2 hours of us on tour and what goes on). It is really funny and we had a blast making it.

Me: Fans of the bands are called Hazelnuts. Who coined that? Describe your typical 'Nut. Phile fans are called Phile Phans. Original, eh?

Mark: I am not really sure where the name came from. I know it wasn't the band. I think in the summer of 2001 there were a group of fans that went to 14 straight shows and it was their summer vacation. I think they might have been the ones who coined the phrase.

Me: Okay, Mark, what is Rock the Boat, and when is it? At the Peverett household Rock the Boat is what I call it when I piss off my wife.

Mark: It is a big festival at sea on a Carnival Cruise Ship. It started 10 years ago as a fan appreciation trip to celebrate the end of our tour. It has grown into an amazing music festival at sea with about 20 artists and bands. It is January 7-11 in 2010.

Me: You guys are in the studio now working on your new album I was told. When will it be out and does it have a name yet?

Mark: Yes it is actually finished and it will be out on August 18. The title of the record is called “Release” and it is the first song on the record. We are currently working on another record and it should be out early next year.

Me: When did the Hazel's last CD come out? That was an acoustic album I think.

Mark: June 2008 – “Before The Amplifiers - Live Acoustic”

Me: Last year you guys played Epcot during the Food and Wine Festival. Was that fun, playing a theme park? By the way, I work at Epcot. Will you be playing there this year?

Mark: We had a great time playing the food and wine festival last year. We are playing it again this year on October 9, 10, and 11. Over the years we have played many of the Orlando theme parks. We have always played the House Of Blues in Orlando and it is like home for us. We have played Halloween Horror nights at Universal, Grad Night at Disney with Britney Spears, and several other New Years shows at Disney Parks.

Me: We gotta get a beer together. My treat, okay?

Mark: That's cool. I am more of exotic drink guy. I like Mojitos, Margaritas and Caipirinha's

Me: Okay, Mark, thanks for taking time out to do this interview. Tell the other Sister's I said hello, and go plug your website.

Mark: www.sisterhazel.com.

Me: I hope this was fun, Mark. Is there anything else you wanna mention?

Mark: See you at Epcot.

PHINALLY

There you go, another great interview and blog. Thanks to Wikipedia, Mark Trojanowski, hiddenmickey.org and Krista Mettler for setting up the interview with Mark. The Phile will be back this Friday with musician Dalmacio Von Diamond. Yep, I think that's his real name. So, until then, spread the word, not the turd.

Pheaturing Darci Monet

PHIRST OF

Happy Birthday, America, if you were a chick I'd do do... 'cause I think you're hot but not in a Kelly Clarkson kinda way. Hello, kids, welcome to the Phile for another Phriday, proud sponsor of generationrescue.org and TACAnow.org. Tomorrow is Independence Day, not to be confused with In Depends Day, a day old people celebrate. Tomorrow at the Magic Kingdom the new Hall of Presidents opens with Obama. You know they are not gonna have any flies in that building. It's late, and I have to still shower before bed, so let's get on with the Phile today, alright?

1905
Russian troops kill 6,000 in Odessa to break a general strike.
1963
Two former secretaries of the Nation of Islam file paternity suits against the head of their church, the honorable Elijah Muhammad. They claimed the prophet had fathered their four children. The allegations eventually cause Malcolm X to quit the NOI.
1971
Jim Morrison is found dead of an apparent heart attack in his Paris apartment bathtub. That's what he wants us to think, anyway.
1987
Vladimir Nikolayev is sentenced to death for killing and eating two people in Novocheboksary, Chuvashia. When police arrested Nikolayev the previous year, they found human meat roasting on the stove, more in the oven, and body parts stashed on his balcony packed in snow.
1988
Mistaking it for a F-14 fighter plane, the American warship USS Vincennes shoots down Iran Air flight 655, killing all 290 people aboard. Despite his country's having recklessly downed a passenger airliner while operating inside Iran's territorial waters, Vice President George Bush declares a month later: "I will never apologize for the United States of America, ever. I don't care what the facts are."
1989
Television actor Jim Backus, known to millions as Thurston Howell III from "Gilligan's Island", dies in Los Angeles of Parkinson's disease.



Today's guest is a singer from California who has a brand new album out now. Please welcome to the Phile... Darci Monet.

Me: Hello, Darci, welcome to the Phile. So, are you related to the painter Monet?

Darci: Well, there have been murmurings in the family that we are related but I cannot officially say yes because no one's bothered to get a proper family tree done. That's actually something I've always wanted to (and will) do one day.

Me: Unlike his paintings which suck close up, but look better far away, you are good looking no matter how close you are. By the way, that's a compliment. You're from L.A., right? Were you born there?

Darci: I have ex-boyfriends that would argue otherwise. Makeup works wonders, my friend. Much like paint on a canvas. I am not originally from L.A. at all, though I've lived here for eight years now. I take much pride in the fact that I am a native New Yorker (the Albany area) and after high school spent quite a few years in Nashville, TN attending college and kicking off my career. Both places are home to me.

Me: You wondered why I wanted to interview you, saying you're not that interesting. I think you're very interesting, Darci. Tell the readers of the Phile about "Fusion". Did it take you a long time to record it?

Darci: "Fusion" took WAY longer than I anticipated! It's been about three and a half years from conception to the upcoming release date on May 12th. Actually longer if you consider that there are a couple old songs on it that I had written early in my career that I had just never gotten around to recording till now. There was more than one occasion that I thought it would never get finished at all. But I'm also a believer that things happen in their own perfect timing. I feel like I was able to use that time to learn some new things and make some new contacts that will be beneficial to releasing an indie album properly.

Me: Where was it recorded and who produced it?

Darci: All of the full band songs were tracked primarily in Nashville, TN by my friend Ron Jagger, with whom I went to college at Belmont University. He was able to get a few of my old friends to play on it, which is a real blessing to me, cuz I miss them fiercely! From that point I moved production to L.A. for proximity and Steve Gryphon took over the reigns from there. I was introduced to him through Debby Holiday, for whom I sing backup around town (she's amazing! DebbyHoliday.com). And that was a great gift, too, because it was really important to me that this album not sound at all like my first one, because Nashville has a very specific production sound and apparently that showed up on my first album. There's certainly nothing wrong with it if you're a country artist, but I wasn't then and am not now so I definitely wanted someone with rock and edgy pop experience under their belt for this project. Steve learned everything he knows under Glen Ballard's wing (Alanis' "Jagged Little Pill") and worked with Avril Lavigne and Gavin DeGraw among plenty of others. At the same time, he just produced Emma Ejwertz' new project ("Dizzy Arms"), which is is very dreamy and ethereal, which was what I needed for the acoustic songs. It was the right choice and a perfect example of the perfect timing, because I'm really happy with how things turned out.

Me: Your first album was called "My Own Road", right? How is "Fusion" compared to that album?

Darci: Personally, I don't think they sound enough alike for anyone to accuse me of stagnating in a particular sound, but I don't think they sound so different that it sounds like two completely different artists, either. I've still got my big ole diva voice of course, that's my signature. But MOR has a more classic rock feel to it and my effort there was simply to showcase my voice, my songs and my band. I am proud of it for that reason, because that's exactly what we accomplished. Also, MOR was practically a concept album. I had a lot going on physically and emotionally at the time and all the songs were born of that journey. But Fusion lyrically represents several snapshots in time as opposed to one continuous story arc. Plus it was an effort to focus some of my writing more commercially (cuz commercial doesn't ALWAYS mean crappy) and put some bells and whistles on it in production value. Lastly, I wanted to show the softer side to my voice as well. There's nothing more annoying than a chick that can't do anything BUT belt. Shut up already! I wanted something for everyone on this CD and I think we managed it.

Me: Were you in Napoleon Dynamite and "How I Met Your Mother"? You wrote songs that were in a lot of TV shows, right?

Darci: My VOICE is in ND and "HIMYM" but you don't see me. And thank God, cuz I'm soooooo not an on-camera girl. I feel very awkward and moronic in front of them. That's why I've been a backup singer by trade all these years! But I digress. If you've seen ND (and who hasn't?) that's me singing a clip of "The Rose" early on in the movie in the "Happy Hands Club" scene. In "HIMYM", I was lucky enough to sing the harmonies and call-response phrases for Ms. Robin Sparkles herself in "Sandcastles in the Sand." It's a shame that song didn't hit it big like "Let's Go To The Mall" did. I really felt it was Robin's creative pinnacle as an artist. Damn shame. You can find the video all over YouTube still, I believe. Oh... and thanks to my writing partner Levi Kreis (LeviKreis.com) cutting some of our songs on his albums, I have indeed had some songs placed on television and in indie films that he sings on. My fave was "Days of Our Lives" cuz that was "MY STORY" (as they say in the south) when I was in college. Now I hope to be able to return the favor for him with the co-writes we have on MY album. *fingers crossed*

Me: When did you start singing and songwriting? I just started recently started songwriting myself.

Darci: Well, as for the singing, my mom has always told this story that as a baby, I wouldn't wake up crying like infants typically do, but she'd come in the room and there I'd be holding my toes and "singing" away. I began performing when I was...oy...still in the single digits. Musicals and such. So there's that. Songwriting... I wrote my first two-chord masterpiece at 13, as I recall. I could not tell you what it was called, but I couldn't even sing the melody in my head that went with it cuz it was too high and I ONLY knew those two chords so I couldn't lower the key. The writing came later because I was classically trained on violin and piano, which translates loosely to, "here's the music, play these notes and nothing BUT these notes." I had to work really hard to figure out chords on my own to write songs. It's still the albatross around my neck, frankly. That's why I like to co-write with people who can actually play. I can throw out phrases I remember from my miserable college theory classes like, "try the five" or "gimme a six of three" and sound really smart when in actuality I have NO IDEA what the hell I even mean.

Me: You are also a vocal coach, right? How many students do you have and where do you teach?

Darci: Yes, I am a vocal coach! And I have openings for students right now! (how's that for a subtle pitch?) I teach in my cute little apartment adjacent to the NoHo Arts District in Los Angeles. I coach part time so I never allow myself more than ten students max a week. Otherwise I think I'd go a little crazy, feeling like that was ALL I was doing. I enjoy coaching but I like to mix it up with other things so I don't fall into a rut. That's not fair to the student if their teacher is bored.

Me: What do you think about "American Idol"? I liked Megan.

Darci: Well, I'm addicted to American Idol and have been since I heard Ms. Clarkson sing her very first note. I have even been writing reviews on the contestants' performances each week since season two (for the also-addicted: darcimonetmessageboard.yuku.com)! Megan... well, I understand what they saw in her in the first place with her unique voice and stunning beauty, but the poor girl had no idea who she was as an artist herself and kept picking these very awkward songs for herself. But if someone cool gets ahold of her, she could put out a very hip album that I'd actually consider buying.

Me: Tell the readers about CaliforniansForFairness.com. That's a cause you feel very strong about, right?

Darci: Alright, you asked! I generally don't get political as an artist; I don't feel it's my calling. I wasn't put here to be the voice of angst and uprising; I'm just a singer. However, I do support marriage equality for everyone and anyone who wants to participate in it and this one issue I will get LOUD about. I feel it's a civil rights issue as opposed to a moral or religious issue and in America, we do not create laws based on the wishes of any one religious group. To do so is completely contradictory (and a slap in the face, frankly) to the brave sacrifices made by our founding fathers and mothers. Therefore, efforts to ban marriage equality via our federal and state constitutions because some people find it "immoral" or "against their religion" absolutely cannot continue because it is simply unAmerican. And it won't, mark this straight chick's words. Neeeext...

Me: So, any tours booked to back up "Fusion"?

Darci: Not yet! I will probably just make a few local appearances here, in Nashville and perhaps my hometown of Johnstown, NY for starters. Maybe Vegas cuz I love the place and I'll take any excuse to go there! I'd be delighted to play a few Pride Festivals, though. We're working on it.

Me: Is there any other websites you wanna plug?

Darci: Ummmm... well, I somehow managed not to mention my own so far... anything else anyone would want to know is at DarciMonet.com. You can order "Fusion" there and have it mailed to you. It'll be available physically AND digitally on there and CDBaby. Also, my co-writer Levi Kreis has a new album coming out on May 5th and I've got a song cut and sing on it. He just gave me a copy the other day... it's REALLY beautiful. He's so talented that I kinda hate him most of the time. With all the love in my heart, of course.

Me: I hope this interview was fun, and I wish you continued success, Darci. Hope to interview you again soon.

Darci: And I hope it's in turn enjoyable for your readers. Thank you so much for the opportunity!

PHINALLY

Thanks to Darci for a great interview. I love interviewees with long answers. Anyway, check out her album "Fusion" on iTunes. The Phile will be back on Monday with Mark Trojanowski from Sister Hazel. Pretty damn cool, eh? I apologize that this blog was kinda short but it's getting late and I have a loooonnng day tomorrow at work. Bloody 4th! Anyway, have a safe weekend and spread the word, not the turd.

Pheaturing Jasmine Rae

PHIRST OF

Hi there, welcome to the Phile, proud sponsor of TACAnow.org and generationrescue.org. I am your host, the Phallen. Last night, Logan and I went to see the new Transformers movie and I was thinking, Rise of the Fallen could be the slogan for Viagra. Someone asked me the other day have I tried The Secret? I did and all I manifested was this lousy blog. The governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, disappeared without telling his staff or his wife where he went. Then he said he was hiking. Then he showed up and held a press conference to announce that he went to Argentina to visit his mistress. This is the guy who some people thought might be a candidate for president. He won't, by the way. In international news, if you're planning a trip to North Korea, don't go. The North Koreans are accusing us of trying to start another war, and they're saying that they will wipe us out if we do. They're probably kidding, though. They have a very good sense of humor about this stuff. Dick Cheney is writing his memoir. It's going to be called, "To Kill a Mockingbird While Aiming at Your Lawyer." It will be published by Satan and Schuster. Well, Schuster's not really involved. Environmentalists say that living naked for a few hours a day will help save the earth. Somebody please keep this information away from Al Gore. Thousands of people are still paying their respect to Michael Jackson. The line to see his star on Hollywood Boulevard stretches around the block. It's longer than the iPhone line.

Michael Jackson news has pretty much wiped out all other news — Iran, Iraq, North Korea, the economy... not even Jon and Kate get mentioned anymore, and that's important stuff. With all the Michael Jackson news, we almost forgot that the other day was Bring Your Dog to Work Day. Which, for blind people, is every day. Speaking of Michael Jackson, have you seen the new inspirational poster? I am not sure what to think about it myself. Take a look...

See what I mean? Well, I have a very beautiful and pleasant guest for you today. Australian country singer Jasmine Rae. But first...

1603
The Globe Theater, William Shakespeare's original theatrical venue, burns to the ground.
1967
Actress Jayne Mansfield is decapitated in a car crash, when her convertible collides with a parked tractor-trailer. To downplay the gruesome death, sources spread the falsehood that only her wig flew off in the accident.
1971
When Soyuz 11 disengages from the Salyut space station, cosmonauts Georgi Dobrovolsky, Vladislav Volkov, and Viktor Patsayev are killed by a faulty pressurization valve. All the oxygen leaks out of the Soyuz cabin before Patsayev can close the valve by hand, and the crew is asphyxiated.
1978
The body of Bob Crane is discovered in bed with an electric cord wrapped around his neck and his head smashed in. When Scottsdale police search the apartment belonging to the former star of television's "Hogan's Heroes", they discover a video camera and a large library of amateur porn starring Crane and a parade of random women.
1989
Under the headline "Homosexual Prostitution Probe Ensnares Official of Bush, Reagan" the Washington Times reports that "a homosexual prostitution ring is under investigation by federal and District authorities and includes among its clients key officials of the Reagan and Bush administrations, military officers, congressional aides and U.S. and foreign businessmen with close ties to Washington's political elite." The story alleges that homosexual call boys had been given tours of the White House, under the aegis of Republican Craig Spence. Spence's body is later found at the Ritz-Carlton in Boston, an apparent suicide.
1992
Mohammed Boudiaf is assassinated by one of his own bodyguards less than six months after becoming President of Algeria. A former hero in the war of independence, Boudiaf had been chosen by the Islamic Salvation Front to serve as figurehead for their regime. More than 100,000 Algerians will later die in political bloodshed in the following decade.

Phact 1: The random symbols (#*!&@) used to indicate obscenities in comic strips are called "grawlix."
Phact 2: Teddy Roosevelt's dog, Pete, ripped a French ambassador's pants off at the White House.
Phact 3: The first Web site ever built was located at http://info.cern.ch.
Phact 4: Forty-one percent of women apply body or hand moisturizer a minimum three times a day.
Phact 5: A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years.

TRANSFORMERS: RISE OF THE FALLEN
Know the sequel cliché "Give 'em the same, only more of it"? Never has this been more apt than with Transformers: ROTF—not to be confused with Transformers: ROFL or Transformers: LMAO. You're pretty much getting the 2007 Transformers movie again: Robots from space need the help of a human boy named Sam (Shia LaBeouf) to get something or other that means a lot to them and kind of has an impact on the fate of Earth in a roundabout way—only with bigger robots and bigger explosions. Like the first time around, the special effects are pretty much what you're paying to see and they are, once again, very impressive. Bay clearly took some notes from his first go-round and finally allows some of the fight scenes to breathe a little bit, particularly a forest throwdown with Optimus Prime. He actually inserts some long shots to give you a sense of scale and setting, something he hardly did in Transformers. You can tell which robot is punching and which one is being punched. And some of the scenes shot exclusively for IMAX are jaw-droppingly cool. But... the script is a mess. The entire movie feels like it's being told to you by a hyperactive 10-year-old: "And then this guys comes in… and then he hits this guy… Oh! I forget, they need this key thing to start the machine… and then the robot humps this girl and you see boobies and one of the robots has balls!" Bay tries to inject humor one minute (only problem: He's not funny) then tries for Black Hawk Down seriousness the next. The movie is also a ridiculous two and a half hours long when a good hour of it could have been chopped with absolutely no impact on the plot (see: pot brownies). Plot points are also tossed aside with reckless abandon and continuity is beyond an afterthought—"Wait, Transformers can take human form now? Um, care to explain that?" "Nope! Too late, we're moving on!" And we still don't buy a kid like LaBeouf ditching Megan Fox and a Camaro that can change into a killer robot for Intro To Astronomy 101. Tom Kenny (the voice of Spongebob Squarepants, kids!) voices a pair of twin robots called Mudflap and Skids. Let's just say he and Bay are apparently big fans of old-timey comedy. I give it a seven, and Logan gives it a ten which pretty much says he'll be getting it on DVD for his birthday or Christmas.

Today's guest is a classically trained Australian Country singer and songwriter who is best known for her song "Country Singer" and for winning the Telstra Road to Tamworth in 2008. She'll be starting her July tour on July 11th at Yass Soldiers Club in Yass New South Wales, so if you're in Australia. Please welcome to the Phile... Jasmine Rae.


Me: First of, Jasmine, I have to say you are beautiful, and you have an amazing singing voice. How are you?

Jasmine: I'm feeling fabulous. Hope u r too:)

Me: You're gonna be big one day, Jasmine. You're getting pretty popular in Australia, right? Do you have a lot of guys chasing you?

Jasmine: I'm not really sure actually. I guess I'm too excited to know.

Me: Speaking of Australia, where in Australia are you from? And do you surf? All Australian's surf, right?

Jasmine: Hmmm not all Australians. Melbourne, Victoria- its a little chillier down here than most places in OZ.

Me: Not many country singers are from Australia, unless you count that Keith Urban guy... LOL. Is country music big there, and do you know Keith?

Jasmine: I don't know Keith yet, no, But he does a great job. Love his work. Country music is getting bigger and bigger here. Soon its gonna take over... well thats my goal anyway : )

Me: You recorded some of your new album in Nashville, and played at the CMT Music Festival. Was Nashville like you expected it to be?

Jasmine: I didn't have too many expectations, I was just very excited to be there. But I'm looking forward to visiting again soon.

Me: Did you get to do a lot of sightseeing while you were there? Where else in the States have you been?

Jasmine: Nashville is the only place in the State that I have travelled to so far! It was actually my first time outside of Australia. Now I've got the taste for travelling and would like to see all the sights next time I visit.

Me: I just watched your video for "Look It Up". Was it fun to make, and is that your first video?

Jasmine: I love making videos! They are all so much fun. "Country Singer" was my first video from the "Look It Up" album. that was super fun with all of the 'speed dating' characters and I've just fiinished making my new clip for "Pink Guitar."

Me: Speaking of "Look It Up", that's the title of your new CD which I tried to download off iTunes, but it's only available on the Australian iTunes which I cannot buy... so will it be available on the US iTunes? I would except an autographed copy. ; )

Jasmine: Hmmm... I didn't know it was unavailable to you guys on iTunes. I'll get onto that. Would love for you guys to hear it. I'm sure you could order them in.

Me: Tell me about the Australian Defense Force tour. What is it, and how was it?

Jasmine: It was a great experience- I went over to East Timor with some other great entertainers from Australia to bring some Christmas cheer to our Troops who are doing an important peacekeeping job over there.

Me: Congrats on being the winner of the Telstra Road to Tamworth winner. Explain what that is, and how you felt when you won.

Jasmine: Telstra Road to Tamworth is a country music talent competition. I guess similar to Nashville Star. I now have a record deal with Australian Label ABC/Universal and video clips and songs on country music TV and radio. It's been an unbelievable experience.

Me: In 2009 you're gonna be opening for Brooks and Dunn on their Australian tour. Becareful of that Kix character, I heard he was trouble. LOL. Are you looking forward to that tour?

Jasmine: Yeah I guess its ok... are you kidding? I can't sleep if I think about it too much cos I'm so excited. Yay, its going to be brilliant!

Me: Okay, when are you gonna come back and tour America? You need to come to Florida, Jasmine.

Jasmine: Very soon I hope :)

Me: Hey, there's a Jasmine Rae that performs on "The Greatest Story Never Told" by rapper Shyheim. That's not you, is it?

Jasmine: Nope not that I know of.

Me: Jasmine, not only do you have looks and a great talent, you're also pretty smart. You have an Advanced Diploma in Music. What is that about, and when did you get it?

Jasmine: I finished the two year boot camp. I mean course... hehe... in 2007. It was great, thats where I learned how to write music!!

Me: Have you been singing all your life?

Jasmine: Yes indeedy - professionally since I was 14.

Me: You worked with famed producer Richard Landis... was that in Nashville or Australia? You also worked with Louie Shelton who played with the Jackson 5, the Monkees, and Lionel Richie. I bet he had some great stories.

Jasmine: Louie and Richard are both great! (I worked with them in Australia). Louie has become attatched to the sunny Queensland coast of OZ where he now lives. It was an honour to work with them.

Me: Jasmine, I hope this was fun, and I hope to see you in concert one day. All the best, you rock.

Jasmine: Thanks for stopping by:) xo take care.

PHINALLY

Thanks to Jasmine and a great interview. Also thanks to Wikipedia, of course. The Phile will be back on Friday with singer Darcie Monet and then next Monday with the drummer for Sister Hazel Mark Trojanowski. In the meantime, spread the word, not the turd. Thanks for reading.