Pheaturing Haikal From Hoodie Woody Freaky

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Sunday. How are you doing? Did you lose an hour of your life this weekend listening to people remind you to "spring forward"? The only faster way to lose an hour of your life is reading the Phile. Hahaha.
On the eve of International Women's Day, at 10pm Tuesday night, the Statue of Liberty... symbol of freedom, acceptance of immigrants, and movies about apes taking over the Earth... went lights out, according to CNN. The National Park Service blamed a "temporary, unplanned outage" caused by repair work made necessary by Hurricane Sandy in 2012. As New Yorkers know, this type of long-delayed construction work is not uncommon. But the timing of the outage, just hours before a nationwide general strike dubbed "A Day Without a Woman," was not easy to ignore. The Statue of Liberty went on strike.
Every so often a story comes along that challenges my stubborn refusal to believe in ghosts. Like this one: a woman named Jessica Ogletree posted a selfie on Facebook taken by her 13-year-old daughter. At first glance, it appears a pretty normal photo, featuring the teen and two men in the background... a white guy facing away, and a black guy facing the camera. But here's where things get creepy. Because, according to the mom, there were only two people in this photo when it was taken.

Mind. Phuck. Basically, Ogletree's assessment is that the black guy is a ghost, but a friendly, supportive one. And I mean, he does look pretty nice. For a ghost. The post has gone viral, with lots of people weighing in in the comments. Most seem to believe the photobomber is definitely a ghost, no doubt about it. IN CONCLUSION: Ghosts are real. And friendly! And they like fishing! How do I get one?
Tweeting is one of Donald Trump's favorite pastimes, and that didn't change after he became president. In fact, now he's got two Twitter accounts, his regular one at @realDonaldTrump as well as the official @POTUS one. Occasionally he deletes tweets, usually due to misspellings, since the man seems hell-bent on not using spell-check. But this week two congressmen warned that, in his case, deleting tweets could now be illegal, according to the Huffington Post. On Wednesday, Reps. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) and Elijah Cummings (D-Md.), chairman and ranking member of the House Oversight Committee, sent a letter to the White House warning them to get it together when it comes to their record keeping and their "nontransparent use of social media."The letter stated that Trump deleting tweets “could pose a violation to the Presidential Records Act” if the White House administration is not also archiving the original tweets, misspellings and all. This goes for both of Donald Trump's accounts, @realDonaldTrump and @POTUS. The letter explained, "Many of the messages sent from these accounts are likely to be presidential records and therefore must be preserved. It has been reported, however, that President Trump has deleted tweets, and if those tweets were not archived, it could pose a violation of the Presidential Records Act." You know, after going after Hillary "Email Server" Clinton so hard, you'd think that Donald Trump's team would be bending over backward to make sure they did everything by the book. Well, that's if you had no knowledge of Trump's team. Given what we actually do know about his administration, this isn't surprising in the least. And hey, Donny... spell-check. Seriously. Look into it.
Professional illusionist Criss Angel was rushed to the hospital after failing to execute a straight jacket stunt on Friday night during his Las Vegas show Mindfreak Live!, TMZ reports. It's since been additionally reported that Angel was well enough to be released, and walked out of the emergency room at Spring Valley Hospital Medical Center later that night, around 10pm. It was only about ten minutes into the show when Angel, who was suspended upside down in a straight jacket, was struggling to execute his escape and went limp. "After spinning in vain for about 2 minutes, he was quickly lowered down and the curtain closed onstage," TMZ said of the incident. There have been a few strange occurrences in the magic and illusionist world lately. Last month, magician Daryl Easton was found dead in the closet of Hollywood's Magic Castle, a club for magicians. And last year, David Blaine accidentally shot himself in the foot, and later admitted that he thought he was going to die in that moment, according to Vulture. All this to say that magic is a very dangerous line of work! And if it's any consolation, Angel is absolutely a better illusionist than Gob from "Arrested Development." I prefer Doug Henning myself.

Richard Simmons is “perfectly fine” and is not being held captive in his home despite the rumors, a detective from the Los Angeles Police Department told "People." Well, that's a relief! The iconic fitness guru has apparently not been seen in public since 2014, which sparked rumors that he was being held hostage by his housekeeper. But the rumors are "garbage" and "none of it is true" according to LAPD detective Kevin Becker, who says police recently visited Simmons' home to check up on him and he is A-OKAY. "The fact of the matter is, we went out and talked to him, he is fine, nobody is holding him hostage," Becker told "People." "He is doing exactly what he wants to do. If he wants to go out in public or see anybody, he will do that.” The detective continued, “He is perfectly fine and he is very happy. I don’t know what he is going to do, but right now he is doing what he wants to do and it is his business.” Simmons also made a statement a year ago saying, "No one is holding me in my house as a hostage," and said he was just taking a break from public life. The recent investigation was apparently prompted by the popularity of a new podcast called Missing Richard Simmons. In one episode, the host interviewed a former assistant who claimed that a maid currently on Simmons’ staff was holding him hostage. That's a pretty weird rumor to just make up out of nowhere, so you know there must be a backup story here. Whatever it is, I just hope Richard Simmons is happy, autonomous, and on the couch watching "Friends" reruns and eating Doritos. The man spent decades dancing around in a sparkly tank top just so we could have toned calves and highs. He's probably just tired!
Speaking of Richard Simmons, remember when he was in that episode of "Star Trek"?

Hahahahahaha. So, ever see an inanimate object and you think you see a face? It happens to me all the time. Check it out, it might happen to you as well.

He looks mad. Haha. Did you kids read The Hardy Boys books when you were a kid? I saw one the other day that I must've missed.

Yikes. I bet it's good. I know you kids definitely like video games. There's a new one that looks kinda fun.

Wait... they still make PlayStation 2 games? Ummm... moving on. President Trump signed another yet executive order... I wonder what this one is.

I totally agree on this one. Good job, Donald. A few weeks ago I mentioned "The Washington Post" has added a slogan to their masthead which says, "Democracy Dies in Darkness." That's a lot better than the original slogan they came up with...

Told you. On "The Walking Dead" people are complaining that the computerized deer that was in one of the episodes. I don't know what they are complaining about, it looks real to me.

You've seen in different magazines where they show pics of celebrities without makeup I am sure. Well, once in a while I like to do the same thing on the Phile.

And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, here is...

Top Phive Groups Of People Who Went To See Kong: Skull Island
5. 12-year-olds who've waited their whole life to see a crappy King Kong movie in the theater.
4. People who were disappointed by the lack of giant ape/lizard-monster battles in La La Land.
3. Tom Hiddleston fans wanting to see him at the mercy of an evil gila monster, to experience what his relationship with Taylor Swift was like.
2. People whose Google search histories are full of the term "wet monkey."
And the number one group of people who went to see Kong: Skull Island was...
1. Democrats who need a break from watching an out-of-control simian destroying everything it sees.

Hahahaha. If you spit the Mindphuck let me know. I wonder where the Errington Fire Department is. Alright, so, my son and I were talking about when he and I used to watch "Sesame Street" when he was a kid and how much that show has changed over the years. So, once again here is the pheature...

Cookie Monster couldn't decide what offended him more: being accused of robbery, or being accused of robbery before the negro.

Lou Duva 
May 28th, 1922 — March 8th, 2017
He owned a trucking company, then became a bail bondsman... tracking those who jumped bail himself... and then got into boxing. I'll have to check... but he MAY have been Italian.

The 58th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Phile Alum and author will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks.

Today's guest is the lead singer of the Indonesia band Hoodie Woody Freaky whose new album "O" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Haikal.

Me: Hello, Fikri, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Haikal: Helloo, Phile... We are great. I am very excited when meet new friend.

Me: You're are the first guest I interviewed from Indonesia, so congrats. What part of Indonesia are you from?

Haikal: Awesome. We are glad to have interview with you. well, we are from Malang, its located east in Java Island. Malang is unlucky in English translation, I hope we don't have a jinx. LOL.

Me: I hope so as well. I have no idea where Indonesia is yet. Let me ask my son if he knows. Logan, do you know?

Logan: I know of Indonesia is where my Squire is from. It says on the back of the neck.

Me: Cool. Did you know Squire's were made in Indonesia?

Haikal: Yes I did, many people worked there. haha.

Me: Where is Indonesia on a map anyway?

Haikal: We are bad in geography class. LOL. But we always remember, Indonesia lies on Southeast Asia. In the south we border with Australia. Bali is Indonesia anyway.

Me: What language do you speak there?

Haikal: Well, Indonesia has own culture in every particular city or region, like Bali has balinese language, Java has javanese language, etc. But we have national language to unite all of those languages called Bahasa Indonesia, we mostly speak Bahasa Indonesia.

Me: You guys are pretty good, mixing acoustic music and beatboxing. I love acoustic music and not a big fan of beatboxing but with you guys you do a good mix. How did you decide to combine the two?

Haikal: It came when Frikl met Tobing then decided to make music for faculty event. Tobing wanted to make full band played pop punk but he didn't have dudes because it was the first year of college. So, it just beatbox and guitar only, "Introbeat" it's first song they made. Some people responded good, they liked it. so it continues to rule the stage.

Me: Who is in the band, you guys?

Haikal: The guys are myself (guitar and vocal), Tobing (guitar), and Friki (beatbox).

Me: How did you all meet?

Haikal: God bless college, we met at college from the players till the entire team. Friki and Tobing have the same faculty, after they had performed at faculty event, they got suggestion to add vocal then I came to the band who met Friki first.

Me: I have to ask you about the band name, I thought someone in the band would be named Hoodie Woody. What is the origin of the name and what does it mean?

Haikal: It's classic question, LOL. We considered a band name was Haikal Tobing Friki but finally we realized it was big mistake. LOL. Actually we wanted name I Scream For Icecream, we found the name was used by dudes at Surabaya. Then what was on earth that day, Hoodie Woody Freaky came on our mind. It was cool and always wrong typing on poster. LOL.

Me: I know what a woody hoodie is... it's a condom. Haha. Okay, let's talk about your first EP "Story of The Early Days." What does that title mean? Early days of what?

Haikal: I just only think Durex if you talk the condom. LOL. It means an introduction of our music and brand new life since it is the first EP, the four tracks inside also reflect about our daily life, when wake up from dream until fall asleep to dream at night. simple right?

Me: I enjoyed the EP, guys. I have to ask you about the song "Senyuman." What is that song about? 

Haikal: WHOA, have you enjoyed 'Senyuman" anyway? Haha. Senyuman is the smile in english translation, the song is about a guy who adore a girl. it's big a cliche song, guys always give all the best when in love and bragging much. Hahaha.

Me: Do you guys get to travel and perform your music?

Haikal: Yes, sometimes. We want to find friend to make a tour, would you like to welcome us to Florida? LOL.

Me: Maybe. What has been the biggest and best show you guys did?

Haikal: Biggest, we haven't had it. We should find our Woodstock first. Best show, well our show on A tribute to Blink 182 was the best show we ever had. Because every band was full band set, mostly pop punk bands. But we did insanely loud and fun. Kids there was enjoyed our show. Yeah, now we just concentrate to make a good show rather than search the big show.

Me: Who are your influences? I saw on YouTube you guys doing "Never Say Never" by Justin Beiber. Are you Justin beiber fans?

Haikal: You've seen it? Haha, no, Justin Bieber doesn't count. That was just a gimmick because it was an event for teenagers and Justin Bieber is the king. The official asked us to play one of his song, so we selected "Never Say Never" because this song has the good value and message, so there we were. Hehe. Influences for us, Blink 182, Coldplay, King of Convenience, Dubfx, Felix Zenger and Beardyman,

Me: What other kinds of music do you listen to?

Haikal: We like to listen music like Toe, Edson, Rocket Rockers.

Me: Have you heard of the band Foghat?

Haikal: Maybe my uncle heard it. Haha. Have you known Malaikat dan Singa? These guys are cool.

Me: No, I haven't, but will check them out. Thanks so much for being on the Phile, and I hope you come back soon when your next release comes out.

Haikal: YEAH, we are having a good time here, it's our pleasure to know you. I hope any other bands from Indonesia that getting interview with you.

Me: Go ahead and plug your website and I wish you guys continued success.

Haikal: All the best.

Shit. I didn't ask them anything about the new album. Hahaha. I'm an idiot. Anyway, thanks to Haikal for a great interview. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Phile Alum Christine Leakey. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Pheaturing Brian Moran From Grupo Falso Baiano

Hey, kids, good afternoon, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. What's up? Remember Garfield, the cartoon cat who loves lasagna? He recently caused quite the stir amongst the people of the Internet over what his gender identity is. No, I'm not kidding. "The Washington Post" reports that Garfield's Wikipedia page had to be put on lockdown after a "60-hour editing war" in which the cartoon cat's gender changed back and forth between "male" and "none." It all started when Twitter user Virgil Texas dug up an old interview Garfield creator Jim Davis did with Mental Floss back in 2015. "Dealing with eating and sleeping, being a cat, Garfield is very universal. By virtue of being a cat, really, he’s not really male or female or any particular race or nationality, young or old," Davis said in the interview. Because of this, Texas declared that Garfield being genderless was "canon" and announced that he had changed the character's Wikipedia page to reflect that. This launched a furious behind-the-scenes discussion amongst Wikipedia users, with some citing specific moments in the Garfield comics and cartoon series that indicated the cat was of the male gender. (I highly suggest reading through some of the thread. It is truly incredible.) After much back-and-forth, Garfield's gender was officially listed as male on Wikipedia, citing four comic strips. One of those cited was this comic strip from 1979 in which a vet tells Garfield's owner, Jon, "He's too fat." PHEW. Glad we got THAT cleared up. Yes, this is a real thing the Internet was arguing about, but sadly, the debate is over... for now. What other beloved characters from our childhood have questionable genders? LET'S START A NEW INTERNET WAR!
St. Patrick's Day is just a couple weeks away, and everyone is getting ready for the celebration. Team Trump even released a special edition, St. Patrick's Day "Make America Great Again" hat. Super festive, right?! Too bad it has just one little mistake. See if you can find it.

Got it yet? Give up? The clover on the back of the hats has four leaves, while the shamrock, the symbol of Ireland, only has three. That's actually a four-leaf clover. Seems like a small mistake, right? Not on the Internet! The Irish aren't so thrilled about being associated with Trump. And one of these non-shamrock hats will only set you back $50! What a bargain! Maybe it's not too late for a re-print. (They should probably fix Trump's inauguration poster while they're at it, too.)
Deputy White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders (daughter of Mike Huckabee, no relation to Bernie Sanders) made the rounds on morning shows today to try and defend Donald Trump's baseless claim that Obama personally wiretapped his phones. Proving herself to be the new Kellyanne Conway in terms of LPM (Lies Per Minute) and attempts to dodge questions, Sarah Huckabee Sanders got totally torn apart by pesky attempts to yank out the truth. First, on "Good Morning America," she had no idea how to handle George Stephanopoulos pointing out that if Donald Trump were indeed under surveillance, "[t]here is a world of difference between an illegal wiretap ordered by a president and court-ordered wiretap approved by a federal judge. There is a world of difference between those two things." Huckabee Sanders responds that Trump doesn't accept FBI Director Comey's words (as per the "New York Times") that there was no such wiretapping. (Credit where credit is due: Huckabee Sanders did have a solid joke. "If the president walked across the Potomac, the media would report that he can't swim," she said, which is funny if you ignore the attempts to compare Donald Trump to Jesus.) On "The Today Show," Huckabee Sanders also got interrogated, just like Kellyanne Conway before her. Shit got just as real, Savannah Guthrie grilled Huckabee Sanders on whether Trump got his info on this conspiracy theory from the conservative web site Breitbart, or the president-y sources he has access too like real intelligence agencies. Alas, the spokesperson told Savannah Guthrie she did not speak to Trump. Watching Trump surrogates get roasted first thing in the morning is as energizing as coffee.
Everyone is getting pumped up for the release of Disney's live-action Beauty and the Beast remake, but some folks in Alabama may not be able to see it at their local drive-in. The owner of Henagar Drive-In is banning Beauty and the Beast after it was announced that the film would include a gay character. Beauty and the Beast's director revealed in a recent interview that the character of LeFou, played by Josh Gad, would be openly gay. The owner told TMZ that he decided not to show the film after the character's sexuality was revealed because he "refused to compromise on what the Bible teaches." (Does the Bible not teach love and acceptance for all people?) "If we can not take our 11- year-old grand daughter and 8-year-old grandson to see a movie we have no business watching it," the theater's owner continued. "If I can't sit through a movie with God or Jesus sitting by me then we have no business showing it." He sounds like he'd be fun at parties. I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's probably okay to take your kids to Beauty and the Beast, a Disney film about a princess.
Sam, this story is for you... Don't pack away the Pop Tarts and coffee just yet, you may be returning to Stars Hollow sooner than anticipated. According to "Time," Netflix has had “very preliminary” discussions with "Gilmore Girls" creators Amy Sherman-Palladino and Dan Palladino about potentially producing a second season of "Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life." Although nothing is set in stone yet, the success of the revival series definitely may have lit a fire under the butts of Netflix execs to produce more episodes pronto. Chief Content Officer for Netflix Ted Sarandos told Press Association in an interview that "The worst thing is to wait a couple of years for your favorite show to come back and for it to disappoint you but they sure delivered and people were really excited about more and we have been talking to [Amy Sherman-Palladino and Dan Palladino] about the possibility of that." Now read that long, run-on sentence 10 times faster in Lorelei's voice. "Gilmore Girls" originally ran from 2000-2007, and "A Year in the Life" came to Netflix in November 2016. Although the revival series ended with quite the cliffhanger, fans were still uncertain if the mother/daughter comedy would continue on. The show's stars Lauren Graham and Alexis Bledel are keeping busy with other high profile projects, but if there are more "Gilmore Girls" episodes on the horizon, hopefully you don't have to wait another nine years to see them.
Recently I told you that "The Washington Post" added a slogan to their masthead. It says "Democracy Dies in Darkness." Before they used that slogan there was another one they used for a few days...

That's a stretch... I wonder how many of the readers here got that reference. Have you heard of Brazzers? It's a porn site in case you didn't know. I might or might not have went to that site. Well, the new video on it looks interesting.

I'd watch it. Hahaha. I mentioned about the wiretapping situation just now... well, I hate to say it but there's proof Obama is spying on Trump...

Maybe it is happening. Who knows? President Trump today has signed a new executive order... I wonder what it is.

I have no idea what he's trying to say. Now he's being stupid. The new thing is gender-free and there's a new gender-free PSA poster that's out there that I don't think is good.

See what I mean? So, there's a new Guardians of the Galaxy trailer out there and I am not sure about one scene in it. Check it out...

Kinda weird, right? So, there's a lot of Trump products out there and not all are flattering. Check this one out...

I think that's my favorite out of all the ones I showed you. You know how some magazines like to show you celebrities without makeup? Well, I thought I would do the same on the Phile.

Hahahaha. Okay, now from the home office in Port Jefferson, here is...

Top Phive Shocking Revelations From Obama's Trump Tower Wiretaps
5. Trump once spent six hours on the phone with Reince Priebus in a game of "You Hang Up First, No, You Hang Up First!"
4. Last February, Trump ordered Melania the $19.95 Russel Stover milk chocolate Valentine's heart, but balked at the $34 assortment that included truffles.
3. A week does;t go by without Trump prank calling Chris Christie and offering him the ambassadorship to McDonaldland.
2. Trump has spent countless hours arguing with Dial-A-Mattress customer service over their policy of not exchanging urine-stained box springs.
And the number one shocking revelation from Obama's Trump Tower wiretap is...
1. Trump once put House Speaker Paul Ryan on hold, then went back out to dinner, came back, said, "Paul, are you still there? Good. It will be just a few more minutes!" Then went to bed.

Haha. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, so, telling a good joke is not so hard... it's making people laugh that's the hard part. Anyway, there's this guy that says he is having problems telling funny jokes and wanted to come on the Phile and try a few out. So, I said, what the hell, why not? So, kids, please welcome back to the Phile...

Me: Hello, Ollie, last time you were here you told some jokes that weren't really funny. I hope you do a better job this time.

Ollie: Okay... I'm nervous.

Me: Don't be nervous... just tell a joke.

Ollie: Okay. Here's a poem to start off... Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van.

Me: Umm... Ollie, that's not good. Why don't you they a Knock Knock joke? Those are always funny.

Ollie: Okay. Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Ollie: To.

Me: To who?

Ollie: To whom.

Me: Ugh! That was terrible, Ollie. You have one more chance.

Ollie: Okay. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Me: Hahaha. That's better! Even though you told that joke before. Ollie the Guy Who Doesn't Know How To Tell A Joke. See you soon, Ollie.

Ollie: Thanks, bye.

Coffee
Coffee is a brewed beverage that can be served either hot with your name misspelled on it or iced with your name misspelled on it.

Today's guest is a guitar player from the band Grupo Falso Baiano whose two CD's "Viajando: Choro e Jazz" and "Simplicidade: Live At Yoshi's" are available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Brian Moran.

Me: Hello, Brian, welcome to the Phile, sir. How are you?

Brian: Doing well. Thanks for having me.

Me: Okay, I have to ask you about the band name, Brian. If I had to take a guess I would say it means in English False Group Bandits. Am I right?

Brian: Well... no. Though that would be easier to pronounce. It translates to Fake Bahians, but it basically means Non-Brazilians. One time we were announced on stage as Falso Banho (The Fake Bathrooms), so I think any of the above would be preferable.

Me: So, no one in the band is from Brazil?

Brian: Initially, no. The core group is four Americans, but occasionally we collaborate with Brazilians, like on the new record and in concert these days.

Me: While we are at it, who is in the band and what do you guys play?

Brian: We have Zack Pitt-Smith (sax, flute and clarinet), Jesse Appelman (mandolin), Ami Molinelli (pandeiro, zabumba, other percussion), and myself (7 string guitar). Carlos Oliveira (7 string guitar/cavaquinho) and Rebecca Kleinnman (flute) have been performing with us sometimes.

Me: Brian, your band is a choro group, which I never heard of. I heard of a tasty treat called a churro (have you ever had one?) but what is a choro group?

Brian: I can say that churros taste way better than choro. But I still think choro sounds better. But maybe that's because last time I listened to a churro I burned my ear. Anyway, choro is a small-band style of music that developed in the late 1800s in Brazil. Many people say it's like baroque classical melodies mixed with syncopated samba-like rhythms. Instruments are traditionally acoustic (guitars, mandolins, flutes, hand drums, etc), and it has a particular swing that's closer to samba than bossa nova. It's relatively unknown in the U.S.

Me: Have you been playing this kind of music for a long time?

Brian: We've all been playing choro for about 10 plus years, though longer for Brazilian music. For example, I was first introduced to Brazilian music by way of bossa nova in 1995, because I was a jazz player, and the music of Antonio Carlos Jobim (famous bossa nova innovator) is prevalent in jazz.

Me: Have you ever been to Brazil?

Brian: Three times. My band mates have all lived there.

Me: Brian, where is the band based at?

Brian: We're in the San Francisco Bay area.

Me: Okay, let's talk about Grupo Falso Baiano's latest CD "Simpilicidade: Live at Yoshi's." This is the band's second album, am I right?

Brian: Yes.

Me: How did you decide to release a live album so early on in the band's career?

Brian: We actually decided two days before the show that we should record it, out of sense of "what if." And we liked what we recorded! Plus, we had the chance to perform with Jovino Santos Neto (piano/accordion), and that was a rare treat. So it all came together rather quickly, and it was an easy decision to put out an album.

Me: The album before it is "Viajando: Choro e Jazz." I was surprised to find out that the live album has all new songs. Did you write songs just for the live album?

Brian: We actually didn't write any of the songs. Three of the compositions are Jovino's. The rest are covers.

Me: Ahhh. Where is Yoshi's by the way?

Brian: Yoshi's is in Oakland CA, though they opened a second one in San Francisco. The album was done at the Oakland location.

Me: I rethink my dad might've played there. With your studio album, I now know what choro is and of course know what jazz is, but what is viajando? It sounds like a character from Star Wars.

Brian: Intergalactic chore... I like it! Viajando means traveling. The title of our first album basically mean traveling (through) jazz and chore.

Me: Brian, who writes the music for the band? I am guessing you all take turns, am I right?

Brian: At the moment, we only play other people's compositions. We have a few originals in the closet, but the music is so relatively unknown that we feel that drawing from the thousands of choros that have already been written is a great way to bring the music to our mostly American audience.

Me: Do you play with other groups as well, like a lot of jazz artists do? They never seem to be happy with one group, they gotta have many.

Brian: Yeah, we jazz musicans get around. We all play with other groups, some Brazilian, some not. 

Me: You play a seven string guitar, Brian. I am guessing those are hard to find. Does one extra string make a lot of difference?

Brian: They are hard to find, but it's easier now than when I started looking. It does make a difference. With that extra low string, you don't need bass, and it's a traditional element in chore.

Me: What made you decide to play a seven string guitar?

Brian: Jazz guitarist Howard Alden was my first introduction. And because of him, I started playing 7 string jazz guitar. When I was playing in a jazz group with Zack Pitt-Smith, he introduced me to choro, which has a rich 7 string guitar tradition... far more than jazz does. I was hooked!

Me: Are there any other instruments you play as well?

Brian: I also play mandolin and cavaquinho (traditional steel string soprano guitar from Brazil).

Me: Apart from jazz and choro, what other music do you like to play and listen to?

Brian: I'm a big flamenco fan. And being from New Jersey, I like classic rock, soul/r&b, hip-hop.

Me: I imagine you can play a wicked version of "Stairway to Heaven," or "Slow Ride."

Brian: You betcha! Jimmy Page was a big influence when I was in my teens learning to play guitar. 

Me: You studied music at Berklee, right? Was that a fun experience?

Brian: Yes. I loved it. Playing music twenty-four hours a day while living in rat-infested off campus housing... what better way to prepare for the conditions of a professional jazz musician's life?!

Me: Okay, Brian, what's next for you and the Baiano's?

Brian: We're halfway through recording our new album.
Help us bring this batch of original tunes and a few classic sambas to life! Go to kickstarter.com/projects/1054663142/grupo-falso-baiano-3rd-album-fund.

Me: I have to say I like your song "Super Mario" on the first album. Is that the music from the video game?

Brian: Yes.

Me: Are you guys Super Mario fans? Are there any other video game themes you guys play?

Brian: Who isn't?! That's the only video game theme we play.

Me: How on Earth did you choose that song?

Brian: Our mandolinist Jesse was noodling in a rehearsal one day, and he played it, and we all looked at each other. "That's it!" we thought; let's put it on our record.

Me: Cool! Thanks so much for being on the Phile, and I hope you can come back again, and this was fun for you.

Brian: Thanks, and we will.

Me: Go ahead and mention your website, Brian.

Brian: Grupofalsobaiano.com.

Me: Thanks again and take care, Brian.

Brian: You too.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Brian Moran. The Phile will be back next Sunday with Haikal from Hoody Woody Freaky. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Pheaturing Shelly Ambrose

Hey, kids, good afternoon, welcome to the Phile for a Sunday. How are you? Let's start off with a story about Rod Stewart...
Rod Stewart's wife, Penny Lancaster, posted a video taken in the desert outside Abu Dhabi. You know, just a nice little fun vacation clip she took, of Rod Stewart and some friends climbing the sand dunes. And then reenacting something that looks very much like an ISIS beheading video, as Rod Stewart kneels in front of a friend who pretends to cut his head off. Ha. Ha. Oof. Lancaster uploaded the mock-beheading video with the caption "Rod Stewart (leader) band doing a Beatles sand dune crossing." She deleted the strange ISIS-like video a few hours later, though. According to the "Daily News," Rod Stewart issued an apology, which reads, "From re-enacting the Beatles’ "Abbey Road" crossing to spontaneously playing out "Game Of Thrones," we were simply larking about pre-show. Understandably, this has been misinterpreted and I send my deepest apologies to those who have been offended." But people are still very upset about the beheading video, and some British citizens are calling for Rod Stewart's Knighthood to be revoked, according to TMZ. Note: All references to "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" edited out for readers' benefit.
Vice President Mike Pence used a private email account to "conduct public business" while governor of Indiana, according to a report from the "Indy Star" published Thursday night. The story has the makings of another scandal in the Trump administration, as a top elected official has been revealed to use AOL. Wait. I still use AOL. Anyway, worse than that, for some observers, is the fact that Mike Pence's email was actually hacked last summer, and that Pence discussed "sensitive information" about his personal security, terrorist attacks, and FBI arrests on the AOL account. If you're having flashbacks to the Hillary Clinton email scandal that dominated news cycles for months... congratulations, you're only human. As Mike Pence's Washington office defends the vice president, they've said that "Mr. Pence fully complied with Indiana law regarding email use and retention," according to the "Indy Star." Of course, the FBI found that Clinton, too, had committed no crime in her use of a private email during an investigation in July. That was never going to stop prominent Republicans from calling for more and more investigation into whether or not she mishandled sensitive information. The Pence office is trying to draw a distinction between the two email controversies, according to Politico, saying that Clinton had an entire private server, rather than just an email account, and that Pence didn't have the same security clearance as Clinton... so he couldn't have mishandled "classified" information. Still, Pence's record on Clinton's private email during the campaign was extreme. Compounding the hypocrisy is the fact that the Indiana governor's office reportedly cannot release all of his private emails because of "information the state deemed too sensitive." All these facts have made retweeting Pence's October tweet extremely satisfying for many, and you can expect the following to dominate your timeline until the next scandal. Fortunately, it seems like there's always a new one to keep those hot takes piping fresh.
Disney's new live-action Beauty and the Beast movie doesn't hit theaters for two more long weeks. But the heavily-anticipated movie just gave us another reason to count down the minutes until its arrival: one of the characters will be Disney's very first openly gay character. But let's not go making assumptions about which character. Lumière? Nope. Belle? Also nope. Sorry. In an interview with "Attitude" magazine, Director Bill Condon revealed that Gaston's goofy sidekick LeFou, played by Josh Gad, is gay. In case your memory is hazy, this is LeFou...

“LeFou is somebody who on one day wants to be Gaston and on another day wants to kiss Gaston,” said Condon. “He’s confused about what he wants. It’s somebody who’s just realizing that he has these feelings. And Josh makes something really subtle and delicious out of it.” It sounds like the director didn't simplify or glamorize LeFou's story or play into stereotypes, though we'll have to watch the movie to find out. Condon also teased that LeFou's story might have a pretty happy ending. “That’s what has its payoff at the end, which I don’t want to give away,” he said. “But it is a nice, exclusively gay moment in a Disney movie.” Big ups to Disney for finally catching up to what the rest of us have known for a long time: LGBT people exist. And statistically, at least one out of every ten characters in a Disney movie should fall somewhere under that LGBTQ umbrella. Although to be fair, there have been loads of gay characters in Disney movies. They just haven't been "out" per se.

I arrest my case.
Patrick Stewart joined "The View" on Thursday to talk about becoming the poop emoji, to show off some "Star Trek" bloopers, and to muse about Donald Trump resistance. "I'm not a citizen, however, maybe it's the only good thing as a result of this election, I am now applying for citizenship. Because I want to be an American, too. All of my friends in Washington said there is one thing you can do: fight, fight, oppose. But I can't do it, because I'm not a citizen." There's always room in America for a good Sir, as far as ICE isn't concerned. But unfortunately, Sir Patrick Stewart failed to elaborate on what sort of resistance, exactly, he plans to exercise once he becomes a citizen. Obviously, you can still resist without being a citizen, although just as obvious is the fact that you're more likely to get kicked out of the country. The conversation made me reminisce about another British man, a celebrity who himself was nearly deported for his outspoken protest of the government: John Lennon. "The U.S. vs John Lennon" is a great documentary about Richard Nixon's government trying to silence a very popular, very British anti-establishment figure via deportation. Is Patrick Stewart this era's John Lennon?
People have found yet another item to be completely outraged by. (It's like the Starbucks cups all over again.) The culprit this time? A "Walking Dead" t-shirt. Clothing retailer Primark pulled the t-shirt from stores after it sparked complaints of being "racist" and "fantastically offensive." The t-shirt depicts a baseball bat covered in barbed wire and the phrase, "Eeny meeny miny moe," which "The Walking Dead"'s resident bad boy, Negan, said as he picked out his victim in the show's Season 6 finale. The line in the show is followed by "catch a tiger by his toe." Though there is some debate over the rhyme's history, The Huffington Post reports that early versions of the rhyme had the n-word in place of the word "tiger." According to the BBC, a customer named Ian Luncraft complained to Primark about the shirt. He told "The Sheffield Star" that he and his wife were "shocked" when they saw the t-shirt, and called it "fantastically offensive." "This image relates directly to the practice of assaulting black people in America," Luncraft told the "Star." "It is directly threatening of a racist assault, and if I were black and were faced by a wearer I would know just where I stood," he added. After the outcry, Primark pulled the t-shirt from stores and issued the following statement, "The t-shirt in question is licensed merchandise for the U.S. television series, 'The Walking Dead,' and the quote and image are taken directly from the show. Any offence caused by its design was wholly unintentional and Primark sincerely apologises for this." A lot of people agreed with Primark's decision to pull the t-shirt, but many aren't buying that the shirt is racist or offensive. Someone even launched a petition to bring the shirt back. Sigh. Will the Internet ever agree on what we should or should not be outraged by?
A few entries ago I mentioned "The Washington Post" added a slogan to their masthead. It says "Democracy Dies in Darkness" but the original slogan was a little bit different.

I like Arby's. I mentioned Negan from "The Walking Dead" just now and I am surprised they are making a Negan movie. I think the poster for it is slightly unoriginal though...

By the way, there's really no Negan movie coming out. But there is a new Pirates of the Caribbean movie coming out, and a brand new trailer for it was just released. There was one shot in it that makes me think they are cutting corners.

What the hell? So, Disney once in a while changes the way their characters look for whatever reason. They are the greatest company in the world so can do whatever they want. Anyway, they recently changed the look to two of their characters but I have no idea who they are.

Hercules and Esmeralda maybe? I have no fucking idea. So, Trump is signing a new executive order again. I wonder what this one could be...

Hey, that's a good one. I know a lot of drummers that would like that order. There's a lot of Trump products out there and all are not that flattering. Like this one for instance...

If I still drank beer I would definitely try that. Have you ever seen in some magazines they show a pic of a celebrity without their makeup on? Well, once in awhile I like to do that on the Phile.

And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is this week's...

Top Phive New Pheatures Of The Nintendo Switch
5. Gyroscope, accelerometer and haptic screen allow users to sound like even bigger dorks than usual when discussing the system.
4. Detachable tablet allows for continued gameplay on the go... eliminating the need for dragging your TV all over the place.
3. 1080p screen resolution and a frame rate of 60 frames per second, which will seem like Atari when the PS5 comes out next year.
2. When paired with earphones, the immersive tablet experience will lead to impressive 17% jump in pedestrian gamer fatalities.

And the number one new feature on the Nintendo Switch is...

1. Joy Cons, joy con grips, docking port, game cards and detachable screen give an array of options for rendering the Switch useless if one of them is lost or broken. 

Hahaha. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Alright, so, everyone gives me a hard time about being old... well, I am pretty old, and I can't translate old speak. It comes in handy as there's this really old comedian who likes to come onto the Phile and tell jokes. The problem is, no one understands what he's saying... except for me. So, I thought I'd invite him back on the Phile and tell a joke and I'd translate it. So, please welcome back to the Phile...

Me: Hello, Alan, how're you doing?

Alan: Salutations, Jason.

Me: So, tell us a joke, Alan.

Alan: One came to a citizen to buy a mat, and shewing him many, he liked them not; then he to jeer the country fellow, brought forth his daughter Mat, and told him, this was all the mats he had: "No," says he, "I must have one that has not been lain upon."

Me: Haha. That's a good one. Alright, I'm gonna try and translate it. Here goes... A guy wants to buy a mat, but doesn't like any of the ones the mat-seller has. So then they get the mat-seller's daughter, who is also named Mat for some terrible reason, and the guy buying says, "Yeah, I don't want a mat that someone has lain upon. In the sex way. Because your daughter has obvi slept with some dudes." That's a good one, Alan. Tell us one more.

Alan: An arch rogue hearing a woman cry kitchin-stuff ask'd her what it was? That which drops from flesh, says she. Say you so, says he, call to morrow and I'll help you to some. The next morning, she came, and he had prepar'd a pot half full of sir-reverence; the woman put her arm into the pot, and drawing it out, perceiv'd the abuse, and began to be angry. Nay, nay, says he, don't be angry, for this is that which drops from flesh. Is very true, said she, and now your flesh appears to me very dry, (stroaking his face with her hand) and wants a little greasing, and stands in need of basting too. Which she accordingly gave him.

Me: I love a good poop joke! Okay, here goes... A woman needs some cooking fat for her kitchen, and a big jerk offers to help her by bringing some over. But instead, he brings over a pot of poop, which the woman realizes when she sticks her hands in it. As revenge, she tells the guy that his face needs some greasing, and she rubs poop on it. Good job, Alan.

Alan: Thank ye.

Me: Alan Raglafart, the 100-year-old comedian, everybody!

Nintendo
According to your mother, a Nintendo is anything with buttons on it.

Alright, today's guest is the author of "Heart Language," the 57th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club. Please welcome to the Phile... the lovely Shelly Ambrose!

Me: Hello, Shelly, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Shelly: Thank you so much for having me here, Jason. I’m doing fantastic! So many blessings are surrounding me this season. I have a very grateful and open heart.

Me: Okay, so, your name is Shelly with a "y" but on the cover of your book "Heart Language" it’s spelt with an "i" and "e." So, was that a mistake?

Shelly: Well, that was my attempt to be a creative artist. LOL. I was playing around with the spelling of my name for my writing. It began when I entered a writing competition and I was using Shellie. When my story was published, it was with an “ie." I thought perhaps that could be the author version of my name and then just use the “y” for life. Since then, other publications have published my name with a “y." It started to be inconsistent and confusing, so "Heart Language" will be changed back to show “y” to keep things consistent. Maybe once I am a famous author those” ie” versions of "Heart Language" could be worth something big for those who have one...I like to dream big.

Me: Alright, now that we got that out of the way, what is heart language?

Shelly: "Heart Language" is a bright and colorful book with positive quotes, thought provoking photographs, and vivid journal prompts. The book is intended to encourage readers to allow their heart to be seen.

Me: Is that something you believed all your life?

Shelly: Our heart is the most beautiful thing that we have if we cultivate it. I’ve always tried to live a sincere life. I mean what I say. I’m just human trying to do my best, but I know that there are many beautiful gifts in my heart that should be shared and not just kept for myself.

Me: When did you come up with the idea for the book, Shelly?

Shelly: I was writing a poem one day that had a line that said, “New thoughts cultivate art/ this process a work of heart.” Creating that poem triggered many creative thoughts which lead to stepping out of my comfort zone and creating a Facebook page called Work of Hearts. I went from 200 to 12K followers in a year. I felt that I had created a community that wanted to allow their heart to be seen and wanted to give and receive inspiration. I was blown away with emails and comments from people who creatively desired to make a difference. People told me I added sunshine in their day. It has been a very humbling experience. It pushes me to keep becoming the best version of myself. The Work of Hearts community inspires me to keep writing and sharing what was in my heart.

Me: Did it take long for you to put together?

Shelly: The first draft took about two months. I find myself always revising and adding more inspirational and interactive things to the book.

Me: Shelly, where are you from?

Shelly: I’m a midwest/northern girl I guess you could say. I was born in Ohio. Then I lived in Illinois. I spent my college years and early twenties in Minnesota.

Me: You live here in Orlando now, right? Do you like living here in Orlando?

Shelly: Yes, I love living in Orlando! There is always something creative to do here. Plus flip flops, sunshine, beach days, and Disney all year long are so much better than snow and ice.

Me: So, you have your own blogspot called Work of Hearts which is pretty cool... which came first, book or blog?

Shelly: Thank you! I try to keep it creative. The blog came first. I had a page on blogger for a while before I wrote the book. Then I created the website to try and keep everything in in one place with links to my pages and publishings.

Me: How often do you update your blog, Shelly?

Shelly: Haha... not enough! In a perfect world I update it once a week. Sometimes it ends up being twice a month.

Me: Have you been writing and being creative for long?

Shelly: I started writing in middle school when my great grandmother passed away. I wrote a poem about her called “The Sleep." Writing became my outlet and a way to express feelings and life at an early age.

Me: Are you always thinking of different positive quotes?

Shelly: My mind never seems to take breaks. Even in my dreams, I find myself creating something. There have been many days when I wake up and write down something from a dream before I get out of bed. Just a few words can sometimes trigger a bunch of quotes or poems or an all-night writing pajama party.

Me: Is there a favorite one you came up with?

Shelly: Oooh tough question... I have to choose only one?

Me: Yep.

Shelly: “When I release and let go of what I cannot control I begin to become whole…”

Me: Nice. In the book there's a cute pic of a little baby and Mickey at Disney World. I have to show it here...

Me: That's a cute pic... who is it?

Shelly: That is my son, Micah. His playground was Walt Disney World. That picture and his joy reminded me to reclaim my childhood sense of wonder.

Me: Does he know he's in the book?

Shelly: Haha. He did see it. He didn’t say much about it, but I think deep down past his sarcastic comments he appreciates it. I am not sure that he’s aware that people share that pic on Facebook. Haha.

Me: And now it's here on my blog seen by thousands of people. You also write poetry, right?

Shelly: I sure do... I love poetry.

Me: Is that something you like to do to relax?

Shelly: Poetry cleanses my heart and mind. I find it relaxing and it helps me to organize my thoughts and feelings.

Me: I have written song lyrics before but never really written poetry... there's a big difference, right?

Shelly: I don’t know much about writing songs but doesn’t it take more rhythm and planning?

Me: Not with my songs it doesn't.

Shelly: I wrote one poem called “Where You Belong” for my best friend who passed away. My talented friend Julia Bloom (Cabin of Love) turned it into a beautiful song. I noticed some things were repeated and the pattern in the words made me look like I actually had rhythm. LOL.

Me: I did write one poem in school when I was a kid... and I still remember it. I think I told it here before on the Phile but it goes like this... "Cindy Windy flew away, flying over the USA, she got popped, and down she fell, splashing in an old man's well." So, what do you think? Be honest.

Shelly: Haha... interesting! Maybe you should be a guest in my writing class. With that talent you might be able to go on tour as the traveling comedian poet. Go for it, Jason!

Me: Hmmmm. I'd love to be a guest in your class. Alright, so, can you tell us a poem? Write one about me. Hahahahaha.

Shelly: Way to put me on the spot! "Jason sits in the sun, where he likes to write. His British accent is fun. Hey... let’s go fly a kite! Ha. Reminds me of Mary Poppins. Imagine, maybe, one fantastic day you can make some shiny toppins with your comedic poem or essay."

Me: Good job. As well as the "Heart Language" book you wrote a chapter in the book "Lost Dreams." How did you come to be a part of this?

Shelly: Aww, I loved that writing adventure. Dawn M. Bell at Bell Publishing held a contest for an anthology called "Lost Dreams." She was looking for stories about something authors had lost and what they learned from their loss. I entered the contest and was chosen to be a part of the book.

Me: What is the chapter you wrote about?

Shelly: My story was about the first phase of my weight loss journey where I lost ninety one pounds. I wrote about how I felt that the mirror and who I was never agreed. In my story, I shared the thoughts that I had surrounding my weight and weight loss.

Me: Have you ever thought about writing a novel? I have a novel idea in mind, but don't know where to start.

Shelly: Don’t forget to include your amazing poetry somewhere in your novel... I’d buy it! There is one book I keep thinking about writing, but I am not sure if I am a novel writer. I’ve recently been selected to be a part of an amazing writing critique group, so I think I will try some things out there. Maybe if all goes well, I’ll add a novel to my works.

Me: When you go to write, where do you start?

Shelly: I usually start with a Starbucks peppermint mocha latte with an extra shot of espresso or obscene amounts of Herbalife tea. After that, anything is possible.

Me: Do you ever get writers block?

Shelly: Sometimes when life keeps me busy I experience writer’s block by not being able to create something. I try to jot down thoughts and come back to them when I can.

Me: So, do you have a favorite author or anyone you look up to writing wise, Shelly?

Shelly: There was a book that I read called "Life is a Verb" by Patti Digh. That book changed my whole perspective on life and how to use my words to love and live better.

Me: You're a teacher, right? What do you teach?

Shelly: Oh, yes. How many more days until spring break? I am currently teaching English.

Me: Do you let your students read what you write?

Shelly: Sometimes. When I taught college, some students followed my blog and page. Teaching high school students, I pick and choose what to share. If we are talking about poetry or something that my writing could apply to, I might share something depending on the class.

Me: Okay, so, are you currently writing any other books, Shelly?

Shelly: Two actually. I am currently working on a poetry collection and a book to pair with "Heart Language" that will hopefully inspire more creative living.

Me: Will you come back on the Phile when your other books come out?

Shelly: Only if you share another poem!!! Yes, of course... I can’t wait to share them with you.

Me: Tell the readers where they can get your book and mention your website.

Shelly: Right now you can find "Heart Language" and "Lost Dreams" on my website or on Amazon. My website is createheartsart.com.  

Me: I wish you continued success and please come back on the Phile again soon. All the best. 

Shelly: Thanks, Jason. It was a pleasure being on the Phile and thank you for sharing my writing. Talk to you soon.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Shelly Ambrose for a great interview. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Brian Moran from Grupo Falso Baiano. Spreasd the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker