Hey there, welcome to the Phile for a Saturday. How are you? Well, tomorrow is 9/11, kids. Let's come together as a nation tomorrow before getting back to hating each other for the rest of the election. Fifteen years ago tomorrow millions of Americans learned the geographic location of Afghanistan for the first time. Do you know what else it is? Football season! Go Giants! More on that later. Let's start off with a story about a mom marrying her adult daughter after they reunite and "hit it off." Yep. Oklahoma mother and daughter Patricia Ann Spann, 43, and Misty Velvet Dawn Spann, 25, were arrested together last month after police discovered the two were married. What happened was this: Patricia Ann lost custody of her three children when they were young. Patricia Ann told investigators she hadn't been reunited with Misty until 2 years ago, when she and her daughter immediately "hit it off." Cue the banjos. Genetic Sexual Attraction is a very real situation that can be common when estranged relatives are reunited. So common, in fact, that before Patricia Ann married Misty, she married her son in 2008. Yes. Breathe deep. This is Patricia Ann's second marriage to one of her offspring. According to investigators, her son filed for an annulment 15 months after being married to mommy dearest, citing "incest." But that didn't stop Patty Ann from sharing vows with her next next of kin this year. Police discovered the unblessed union last month and brought them both up on incest charges. According to Oklahoma state law, marrying a close relative is considered incest whether or not a sexual relationship exists. Patricia said she thought a marriage was okay because her name wasn't on her daughter's birth certificate. Both women are being held on $10,000 bonds in addition to bonds they share as mother and daughter and wife and wife.
Why does the U.K. have the lowest breastfeeding rate in the world? According to Amy Brown of Swansea University, the answer may lie in social pressure to get babies quickly sleeping through the night and on a regular feeding schedule so new mums can get back to normal.
Brown spoke at the British Science Festival, suggesting an explanation for why just one in 200 British women are still nursing their babies after 12 months. First of all, the idea that women should get their babies on feeding schedules "is really incompatible for breastfeeding," she told "The Guardian." Babies need to nurse a lot to get their moms' milk supplies up. Simply telling women that "breast is best" (or as they say in the U.K., "breaust is beust") doesn't necessarily translate into an understanding of how breastfeeding works or a support system to make it happen. Couple that with pearl-clutching at public breastfeeding and so-called experts assuring new moms their newborns can go 12 hours without milk, and more and more women are turning to formula. On a public health level, this has serious consequences, both in terms of infant mortality and government health costs. New moms need more support to turn breastfeeding from something that sounds nice but seems impossible into a reality. Maybe Kate Middleton could do some public breastfeeding or something?
Women who don't have kids get reminded of this on the reg, especially by aging family members. And now in Italy they can't even walk down the street without seeing an ad reminding them, essentially, that their eggs are drying up. This is thanks to a campaign for a new national holiday called Fertility Day, which is coming up on September 22nd. The posters and televised ads include slogans like this one, which translates to “Beauty knows no age. Fertility does."
Another is an image of baby shoes and reads, "The constitution [sic] protects conscious and responsible procreation." The campaign was started in an effort to boost the country's birth rate, which has been in decline. But the ads have been criticized for being sexist as well as ageist. Others have pointed out that they harken back to Italy's fascist past in the 1930s, when posters were put up around the country urging women to "give more children to the fatherland." Many have pointed out that these ads are offensive to women who don't want to have children, or those who can't for physical or financial reasons. Italy has been in a recession for many years, so many people simply can't afford to procreate. The hashtag #fertilityday has become a trending topic on Twitter as people have responded to the sexist ads in outrage. Maybe Tina Fey said it best: Blerg.
After a serious assault took place, British police sent out a map of the assailant's possible location in the hopes to find a witness that could put him in jail. That map had a strikingly familiar shape.
Conveniently located near Stoke Bishop. COINCIDENCE? Okay so, that's a penis. And, according to one tweeter, it was a "giant red one." Ugh. Avon and Somerset Police take all inquiries seriously, and responded in kind. So awesome they have free health care in England. In an effort not to cock it up again, police decided to heal their map, and changed it to this more healthy and ambiguous shape...
Maybe this is a less specific way to find a dangerous criminal, but at least no one has to look at that giant dick.
Professional clowns are upset about recent media reports of creepy clown sightings in Greensville, South Carolina. Clowns were allegedly trying to lure children into the woods by offering them money. It's a terrifying tale that obviously makes sensational headlines, especially when the Greensville police became officially involved. No clowns have been captured yet, probably because they retreat to the sewer or nightmare dimension from whence they came. Naturally, some professional clowns are upset about all the bad press. Mike Becvar, aka Sir Toony Van Dukes, spoke with "The New York Times" about his concern, "I wonder how the reporting on the story would go if instead of clowns, people were dressing up as aliens, witches, zombies or doctors? What if they were wearing hospital scrubs, lab coats and a stethoscope around their neck. Would the news report that doctors were hiding in the woods trying to lure kids with candy?” Yes, Sir Toony, the news would report multiple stories of anyone in any professional attire trying to lure kids into the woods with money. If there are actual terror clowns in South Carolina, hopefully they're rounded up and hilariously jammed into the backseat of a small police car.
So, Gene Wilder passed away last week as yo probably know... I was thinking of his movies and one of my favorites was Heroes For Hire! Do you remember that one? Here's the movie poster in case you don't.
He was so good as Iron Fist. Haha. It's pumpkin season... gag. Some companies are taking this whole pumpkin thing a little too far.
See what I mean? A few days ago it was the 50th anniversary of "Star Trek." And no, I was never on that show. This is not me...
I don't have curly hair. The girl is cute though. Is he playing guitar? That's so odd. Hey, it's the Phile's 10th anniversary and I have been showing you what people look like when they read this little blog. Like this girl...
Must be a Mindphuck that has her looking so serious. It's back to school season and I am gonna show you some crazy back to school pics. Like this one...
If you didn't wear a choker in 1995, you didn't live. That deer is creepy. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...
Top Phive Startling Similarities Between "Stranger Things" And The iPhone 7 Announcment
5. Suffused with a sense of pointless mystery.
4. People have never seen anything like it before.
3. Focuses on constantly replacing a phone.
2. Prominently features a lawless, ruthless, Orwellian corporation.
And the number one starting similarity between "Stranger Things" and the announcement of the iPhione 7 is...
1. People are already childishly impatient for the next installment.
If you spot the Mindphuck please let me know. Okay, it's football season like I mentioned. You know what that means. Please welcome back my good friend Jeff Trelewicz for...
Me: Hey, Jeff, welcome back to the Phile. So, can you believe it's football season again?
Jeff: It is glorious to be back on the Phile once again! Glad to be back! Nothing like the start of the season where every team believes they have a chance to win it all. Except Cleveland. I believe they are all ready eliminated from next year's playoffs.
Me: Hahaha. How have you been? Are you working on a new book right now?
Jeff: I'm doing okay, I suppose. Nothing much has changed. And that's not a good thing. Oh, well. It is what it is. I am indeed working on another book. "Paranormal Contact Vol. 3" will be released in October. In fact, earlier in the week I revealed the book cover!
Me: What was your last book you had published, Jeff?
Jeff: The last book I released was "Time Traveler's Journal." I also contributed a story to an anthology as well called "Twisted & Sinful Stories."
Me: You should write a book about working at Disney. Ever think about that?
Jeff: Well, if I ever did write a book about Disney, there would not be a shortage of color characters. And I don't mean Mickey and friends, that's for sure!
Me: Yep. Like me. Ha. Okay, let's talk football... First of I have removed ask you about this whole Colin Kaepernick story? When I first heard of it I thought what the hell.
Jeff: I believe that Kaepernick is within his rights to not stand. However if he wants us to take his protests seriously a) stop wearing socks with cartoon policeman as pigs b) Castro shirts at press conferences are unacceptable c) Use your status as an NFL quarterback and do more. He literally is the smallest thing possibly by not standing. I know he said he's donating money, at least that's a start.
Me: What other NFL news is going on since the break?
Jeff: So many things have happened in the last few months. Brady gave up his fight and will serve a 4 game suspension for Deflategate. The Rams moved back to Los Angeles just in time for the Raiders to possibly move to Vegas. Mark Sanchez has been on three teams since the end of last season. Tony Romo? Hurt again!
Me: That reminds me of a joke... How do you say Tony Romo in Spanish? Mark Sanchez. Hahaha. Do you get it?
Jeff: No, I don't get it. El Broken-O Quarterback-O would make more sense.
Me: Good point. Alright, so, this is the 7th year of Phootball Talk. I think I won the first year and you won the other 5, is that right?
Jeff: That doesn't sound right. I think we each won at least 2. Plus there was that mystery year that someone else won. I should keep track of this better.
Me: Look it up for next week. I did win two, that's when we had a tie breaker year. I think I won two and you won four. So explain what we do here, Jeff.
Jeff: You and I will pick two games for each week of the NFL season while also making up the spread by how much they win by. For each time we're correct, we get two points. If either my team (Steelers) or your team (Giants) win, we will earn another point. Most points at the end of the season wins.
Me: This year do you want to pick just one game or still do two?
Jeff: Doing only one pick a week seems like a waste.
Me: Okay, we'll both pick two teams then. Okay, it's Saturday and we just had a game on Thursday. So we'll pick tomorrow's games, and you'll be back here next Sunday. What do you pick?
Jeff: I'm going to go with Colts by 7 and Seahawks by 3.
Me: I say Packers by 4 and then Chiefs by 8. Good luck, see ya Sunday.
Jeff: See you in a couple of days. May the best person win. Me!
Haha. He looks so happy. Okay, so, my son and I were talking the other day how we used to watch "Sesame Street" together and how much that show has changed. It's just not the same.
Phyllis Schlafly
August 15th, 1924 — September 5th, 2016
A woman's place is in the cemetery.
Today's guest is a Phile Alum and lead singer for the Orlando based band Hadley's Hope. Their new single "Cage" is available now on Soundcloud and Reverbnation. Please welcome back to the Phile...
Michael Fargnoli.
Me: Hello, Michael, welcome back to the Phile. How are you?
Michael: Doing great! How are you?
Me: Ugh. Don't ask. Haha. So, wait, didn't you have four members in the band? Now there's three? What happened? Wait, did you always have just three people in the band?
Michael: The band has had members come and go over the years. Right now we are back to being a 3 piece with our original drummer Christian Hernandez. We were a 3 piece with him for about 2 years back in the late 2000's. Hadley's Hope even had 5 members at one point.
Me: This year Hadley's Hope is celebrating ten years... just like the Phile. This year as it's the Phile's tenth anniversary I am asking my Alum what they were doing ten years ago. I usually wait to the end of the interview to ask but I thought I would ask now. So, in 1996 what were you doing?
Michael: Well, 1996 was 20 years ago.
Me: You're right. Ha. I meant 2006. But what were you doing in 1996?
Michael: Twenty years ago I was recording piano and vocal demos in my bedroom on a cassette player and overdubbing on them manually to explore the early stages of my songwriting. In 2006, we had just changed the name of my band Studio K to Hadley's Hope and we had just put out our first CD which was an EP called "Live! From LV-426."
Me: You have a new single out called "Cage" which is a very cool song. What is the song about, Michael?
Michael: "Cage" is a very personal song for me... probably one of my most personal. It is about being at a point in your life where you feel like you are at a combination of all of the following: a cross-roads, a dead end, a revelation, and a strange sense of peace and frustration.
Me: The song is available as a free download on Reverbnation... will you be putting it up on iTunes?
Michael: Yes. It will be included on our next album which will be available on iTunes.
Me: I just read iTunes is going away... did you hear that as well?
Michael: No, I haven't heard about that.
Me: What do you think about that though?
Michael: There are many other digital outlets that seem easier to navigate so maybe it would be a good thing for it to go away.
Me: MP3's was a big part of the band coming together, is that right?
Michael: I am not sure I understand the question. If you are referring to MP3.com... I did have a lot of my early music up on that website for a long time.
Me: Okay, how has the band changed from "Bells & Strings," the first release to the new song "Cage" or the last album "Shame"?
Michael: We have really developed our sound since that first album. We are definitely better at our instruments and my voice has changed for the better as well. I found my voice so to speak during the recording of "Shame" and now this new album is definitely going to showcase our maturity as well as our new creative streak.
Me: You do most or all the song writing for the band, am I right? How often do you think of a song, Michael?
Michael: Actually that is incorrect. I write all the lyrics. Musically the songs are written by myself and Kyle. There is a pretty even split nowadays where I will write a handful of songs, Kyle will write a handful of songs, we will then collaborate on them together and there are some songs we write together from the beginning. In the first couple albums, yes, I contributed more songs musically. As far as how often do I think of a song, it depends on how creative I am feeling. For the album we are currently working on I spent about a few weeks just power writing every day. There was a period about 10 years ago where I think I spent about 5 years writing a a few new songs every week.
Me: What normally comes first? Lyrics or music?
Michael: Well, lately and especially for this new album, the music came first and then I worked on lyrics and melodies to add to the songs. In the past, it was a combination of music first, lyrics first, or even music and lyrics at the same time!
Me: You're the lead singer and keyboardist... do you play guitar as well?
Michael: No, but I just started learning how to play the bass. Kyle is teaching me!
Me: I don't now if I asked you this before, but how old were you when you started playing keyboards?
Michael: I started playing the piano when I was about 3 or 4 and started learning it with a teacher when I was 5.
Me: You guys are an Orlando based band, but do you ever get to perform outside Orlando?
Michael: Yes, we have performed outside of Orlando throughout central Florida, as well as both the east and west coasts of Florida.
Me: Do you have a favorite gig you guys ever played?
Michael: Yes! The most recent show we played is my favorite show ever. It was at House of Blues Orlando in January and we had the largest audience and I cannot describe in words the feeling I got from playing that show.
Me: Michael, is there a band you would love to open for or tour with if you can?
Michael: Radiohead.
Me: That's cool. I went to school with the drummer from Radiohead. So, are you guys working on a new album?
Michael: Yes, we are halfway through the recording of what will be our fifth album. So far the experience has been incredible and we are very proud of the first single "Cage."
Me: I have to ask this, if the band ever broke up, would you go solo? Have you ever thought about that?
Michael: Well, if the band ever actually "broke up"... I would most likely work on a solo album, yes.
Me: Alright, my friend, go ahead and mention your website and anything else you wish to mention. I hope this was fun again. Please come back when your next release comes out.
Michael: Thank you! Right now our music can be found on the following websites: facebook.com/HadleysHopeMusic, soundcloud.com/hadleys_hope, reverbnation.com/HadleysHope, Twitter: hadleys_hope, Instagram: hadleys_hope.
Me: Good job, Michael. See ya around the park.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Jeff Trelewicz and Michael Fargnoli. The Phile will be back on Monday with Phile Alum Lee Negin. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker
