Pheaturing Jeremy Croston

Hello, welcome back to the Phile. You had to do it, didn't you? You had to go see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles over the weekend, thus contributing to the Michael Bay production's $93.7 million worldwide take. Just one week after making Guardians of the Galaxy the all-time biggest opening weekend moneymaker for August and making Hollywood consider the possibility that putting a little effort into their films might pay off in the long run, you just had to tell it, "Nope, never mind. We're swallowing whatever bullshit you feel like feeding us." Well, guess what! You get what you deserve. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 is officially a go! I actually can't say anything, we went to see it as well... unfortunately.  According to a new study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, researchers may have finally cracked the code to human happiness. And it looks a little like this...

For any dullards out there who can't grasp the meaning behind that equation, it essentially boils down to this axiom, according to the study's lead author: happiness “doesn’t depend on how things are going. It depends on whether things are going better or worse than you had expected they would." Or, to put it into more practical terms: expect the worst, and the world will always meet your expectations. That's essentially what the Buddha said, isn't it?  A new study to be published in the upcoming issue of Perspectives on Politics shows that the average non-wealthy American citizen who is not a corporation or the head of a business-controlled interest group has a 'near-zero' influence on the actions of the government. So, there you have it, the situation's not quite so bleak as it seems. I don't have a problem with the government taking away my civil liberties. As long as they don't take away my right to ROCK!  Maryam Mirzakhani, a 37 year old, Iranian-born Stanford University professor has just become the first female winner of the highly prestigious Fields Medal since the mathematics prize was established 80 years ago. In a press release, Mirzakhani called the award "a great honor," and said she hopes it "encourages young female scientists and mathematicians." Don't tell your daughter how pretty she is, tell her how math she is! And when she acts confused by that statement, criticize her hair.  According to San Diego County records, one of the fastest-rising demographics in the methamphetamine-abuse community is the 50 and over group. "A lot of grandmas and grandpas are using meth and have been using for many, many years," according to a recovery center official. So, does this make hard candy a gateway drug?  Star Wars: Episode 7, which took a break from filming recently, after Harrison Ford selfishly decided to get surgery for his fractured leg will restart production this month. Unless someone else decides to be a jerk and hold up everyone while they receive emergency medical care. Hollywood actors can be so egocentric. What if the Star Wars movies are a dream that Harrison Ford's character had while he was in a coma in Regarding Henry?  Triplet pandas born in a Chinese zoo on July 29 are being referred to as a "new wonder of the world," due to the extreme rarity of such incidents in the species and how much people just goddamn love baby pandas. Check them out, they are so cute.

Welcome to the world, baby panda triplets! I guess one of you doesn't read the news. Haha.  Well, I don't know about where you are, but kids here in Central Florida have started going back to school yesterday, and some stores have really good back to school sales.

Did you see this?

A math teacher bought that t-shirt without reading. I should of saved that for a Mindphuck. She's really cute, I never had a math teacher like that. I did have a cute teacher once who never wore a bra. I sucked at math and one summer my parents hired her to come to our house and tutor me. Yep.  So, I mentioned we saw the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies. I wasn't really impressed with the way the turtles looked.

So, for the last month through Summer I have been showing you different bikinis you can wear. Check this one out.

Duct tape has a variety of uses and has come a long way since its original use for sealing duct work and repairing household items. One fun use for duct tape is to make clothing and other craft projects. There are contests for duct-tape clothing items, such as the duct-tape prom contest sponsored by Duck Brand duct tape. You can make a duct-tape bikini in a few hours using approximately two rolls of duct tape.

This is an easy one. If you spot the Mindphuck email me at thepeverettphile@gmail.com. As you probably know on the Discovery Channel this week it is Shark Week. Here on the Phile we have a shark as well... a joke telling shark. So, please welcome back to the Phile...

Feargal: What did one shark say to try to comfort a friend who had just gotten out of a relationship?

Me: I don't know, Feargal.

Feargal: It's okay, there are plenty of other birds in the sky.

Me: That's horrible.

Feargal: You like Star Wars, right?

Me: Um... yeah.

Feargal: Then what are the sharks favorite creatures from Star Wars?

Me: That's easy... Jawas.

Feargal: Very good. Here's one last one... what do yuppie sharks like to drink?

Me: I don't know.

Feargal: Jaw-va.

Me: That's really bad, Feargal. Anything else you have to say?

Feargal: Yeah. Remember to stay safe this Shark Week by not getting anywhere near angry NASCAR drivers. 'Bye.

Me: Feargal the Shark, everyone. That was so stupid.

There’s a “movie” trailer floating around the internet this week for something called Cool Cat Saves The Kids. It’s billed as “the first anti-bullying and kid gun safety movie.” It stars Vivica A. Fox, Erik Estrada, and a shrieking adult in a furry, orange cat costume. It appears to have been filmed in an abandoned apartment by people who have abandoned life on Earth. It's relevant to this review, so take a look at this screen shot of it.

Okay, now you’re filled with the weird pleasure and feeling of freedom that comes when you abandon your ideas about goodness and human competency and realize that everything is meaningless and the world is chaos and that you’ll die soon. It’s the perfect moment for you to almost enjoy the newly rebooted Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  The story involves a mutagen. Bad corporate people want it in order to develop an antidote for poisons they plan to inflict on the population. (Best line: “Initiating the toxin release procedure!”) Shredder and the Foot Clan are involved. This is a job for the turtles.  But you don’t actually care about the story, and that is either because you are a child and the turtles take you to the land of make-believe where you, too, are a ninja with a rat for a father, or you are an adult between the ages of 20 and 35 for whom the the turtles were a part of childhood fantasy. No matter to which demographic you belong, the baseline pleasure you seek is here. There’s a frantic, somewhat confusing chase down the side of a mountain. It’s fun to look at. There’s big city building destruction, like the sort you find in a Transformers film. It's pretty exciting. And the turtles fall in line to utter various catchphrases and perform tasks appropriate to their character traits. Pizza. Cowabunga. Etcetera.  There is no greater meaning than that, and here it’s by design. This is a non-essential children’s film about anthropomorphic animals, where there is no other agenda than to jumpstart a dormant franchise and reestablish a global brand. No second meaning for adults. No complications. It meets the minimum requirements.  It could be more coherent. It could be funny. It could be smart. It’s none of those things. It could also become something else; it could evolve into a future product, one with characters that appeal to both children and non-nostalgic adults, a franchise that reaches beyond pre-teen desires for awesome, colorful, grape-flavored junk. But, really, has anyone been yearning for that to happen? As it exists, TMNT is competent, loud, confusing, cynical, fast and rough. But it's not damaged or sad. It's not a waking nightmare masquerading as socially responsible message-fun. And that means it's not Cool Cat. Nothing should ever be Cool Cat.

Lauren Bacall 
September 16th, 1924 — August 12th, 2014
You know how to succumb, don'tcha, Lauren? You just put your lids together and go.

Robin Williams 
July 21st, 1951 — August 11th, 2014
Dead People's Society.

Today's guest is the author of "Power Play: Ragnarok on Ice" the 32nd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club. Please welcome to the Phile... Jeremy Croston.

Me: Hey there, Jeremy! Welcome to the Phile, man. How have you been?

Jeremy: Not too bad, Jason! Waiting for football and hockey season to fire back up.

Me: In full disclosure you and I worked at Disney together quote a few years ago. You are in fact, the third person I have worked with at Disney who has written a book and who I interviewed here. Anyway, how long ago did we work together?

Jeremy: It has been so long, but we worked together from 2003 until 2006. Those were three awesome years, especially causing mayhem in The Forest.

Me: Yeah, the old Forest For Our Future venue at Innoventions... I was looking for a picture of both of us, Jeremy, and I couldn't find one. Do you have one?

Jeremy: I checked my pictures too and didn’t see one. Maybe one day since we don’t live too far away, we can remedy that.

Me: Yes, definitely. Do you remember Jeff Trelewicz? He is on the Phile often talking about football. I know you are a hockey fan, but are you a football fan as well?

Jeremy: How can one forget Jeff! I still remember the time he gave Tom Morrow the bird in Innoventions West!

Me: Haha. I remember that. Tom Morrow was the audio animatronic spokebot for Innoventions in Epcot. I think I have a picture of him here.

Me: Anyway, you are a football fan, right?

Jeremy: I am a huge football fan. Nothing beats a Sunday afternoon with a few cold ones and a good game on the TV.

Me: Who is your team? Mine are the Giants!

Jeremy: You’re not going to like me anymore, but I am an Eagles fan. Fly Eagles Fly!

Me: At least you didn't say Dolphins. Jeremy, where are you originally from?

Jeremy: The small town on Manchester, PA... which is about 30 minutes south of Harrisburg.

Me: I know where that is, my wife is from Camp Hill. Is that why the book is based in Pennsylvania?

Jeremy: Yeah, I wanted to pay homage to my hometown and what better way than to put it in a book.

Me: So, I take it you are a Philliess fan. Am I right?

Jeremy: When I do watch baseball, I will root for the Phillies. As you can guess my hockey team is the Flyers.

Me: That's what I meant, the Flyers. I isn't thinking about baseball. How long have you lived here in Florida?

Jeremy: Going on 14 years now. And I’m still not used to the heat!

Me: You don't live too far from me in Clermont, do you?

Jeremy: Nope, right down the street in Winter Garden. Hop on 50 and head west!

Me: Last time I saw you, you were a bachelor, and now you are married! Congrats. What does your wife think about your book, Jeremy? Did she read it?

Jeremy: She is currently reading it right now. It wasn’t necessarily her cup of tea, but now that she has started, she is hooked.

Me: Let's talk about your book "Power Play: Ragnarok On Ice". The book is about hockey and Norse mythology. I know you're a hockey fan like we just said, but are you a fan of Norse mythology as well?

Jeremy: That is right. I got hooked on it from a class at UCF.

Me: Have you always been a fan of mythology?

Jeremy: Yeah, I was introduced to Greek mythology early on and have expanded to others as I’ve gotten older.

Me: A lot of your characters in the book might seem familiar to comic book readers and movie goers... Sif, Thor and Loki. When you wrote the book did you imagine those characters being the same as in the movies?

Jeremy: It’s hard not to see the movie characters anyone someone says Thor, you know? But my characters are quite a bit different from their movie counterparts, especially Loki. His part in the story is one of my favorites.

Me: Are you a fan of the Thor movies, Jeremy?

Jeremy: Oh yeah, Marvel has done those movies justice. But in all honesty, the Captain America movies are my personal favorite.

Me: Did you hear in the comic books they are gonna make Thor a woman now. What do you think about that?

Jeremy: I think it is a cop-out. They want to have another strong female lead, which I am all for. But instead of putting their minds together and making a new awesome character, they “change” an established character. I foresee a lot of backlash on that.

Me: If they do this in the movies she's gonna be hot, right?

Jeremy: Do we even need to ask that question! Of course!

Me: Okay, so, when did you get the idea for the book, Jeremy?

Jeremy: A long time ago, in college. I wrote the story treatment up as a project in my creative writing class but never did anything with it. One day, my wife finds it in a storage box and tells me to write it. So I did.

Me: How long did it take you to write it?

Jeremy: It took about 2 months to write it and then another month to smooth out the edges.

Me: I read the first five chapters and could easily picture it as a comic book. Can you?

Jeremy: That would be amazing! To see your characters come to life in that medium would be the highest honor.

Me: Okay, so, some readers might not know who or what Ragnarok is, so, wanna explain?

Jeremy: Ragnarok is the end war in Norse Mythology, like the apocalypse. It is also known as the ‘Twilight of the Gods’ as most of the major deities die.

Me: In the book the main character is named Jack Skelton, which is similar to Jack Skellington, but you say he was named after a cartoon character in the book. What cartoon character?

Jeremy: You nailed it! The Nightmare Before Christmas is one of my favorite movies and I named Jack after Jack!

Me: This is the first book of a trilogy, right? Have you written the other two books yet?

Jeremy: I have not, but I have the outlines done. I have written a short story entitled "Hat Trick"(think book 1.5) that was just released. While the main characters are in Asgard doing their thing, "Hat Trick" takes place right here on Earth and follows an interesting character.

Me: Do you have other plans for you to write any other kinds of books?

Jeremy: I just finished a totally separate novel entitled ‘The Cactus Killer.’ It is about a werewolf named Victor Inglewood for can’t turn into a wolf. That one is more of a supernatural mystery novel. 

Me: So, who created the cover for "Power Play", Jeremy?

Jeremy: My friend Lena Alexa makes my covers.

Me: So, if they were gonna make a movie based on "Power Play", who would you want to play Jack?

Jeremy: My wife would go crazy with this pick, but I think it has to be Ryan Reynolds. He brings the wit and action that exemplifies Jack so well.

Me: The book is only available on Kindle right now, will you be publishing a regular book? You know, one that's not on a computer? Haha.

Jeremy:  That is right. Once it does well enough and my name gets out there to the masses I will introduce it into paper back.

Me: I think it's cool you have published a book, Jeremy. And for some reason I'm surprised tree's no cuss words in the book. I don't know why.

Jeremy: There are cuss words scattered throughout, plus some adult situations. Nothing graphic, more implied than anything.

Me: Is the book aimed at teenagers or younger kids?

Jeremy: Teenagers, maybe, but definitely not children. My target audience was probably 17 and older.

Me: Okay, so, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics... ready? Is there only one soul mate for each person? That's a lame question.

Jeremy: Haha! Let me cop out and say that it is different for each person. I think everyone has someone out there who makes them incredibly happy.

Me: Jeremy, thanks for coming onto the Phile. Good luck with the success of your books, my friend. Please come back soon.

Jeremy: Thanks for having me, Jason. I follow the Phile regularly and really enjoyed being on this side for once! Maybe you can have me on for a hockey pick ‘em like you do Jeff with football?

Me: Maybe, but I don't follow hockey. Tell my readers where they can get your book from. Thanks again, and take care.

Jeremy: Amazon.com/Power-Play-Ragnarok-Ice-Book-ebook/dp/B00KVKTTDI/.

There you go, that about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Jeremy Croston. Now, I mentioned Robin Williams with a blurb, but I feel I should say something more about him. Robin Williams was more than an actor. He was a ball of manic energy. Whether in a movie, on a television show or in person, he was willing to manipulate any part of his body or his voice to make you feel something. Early in his career, the feeling he wanted was always comedic in nature. Later on, he went for sadness and heartache. Eventually, he found that sweet spot that lived somewhere in the middle, that spot that felt like life: a mixed up mess of happiness, sadness, nostalgia, love, pain and unbridled joy. Now we’re all feeling all of that, as we fondly remember one of the most beloved actors ever to hit Hollywood. He was only 63. But goddamn did he crush those 63 years. He leaves behind 3 children, a wife, two ex-wives and a lifetime of incredible moments. Okay, the Phile will be back tomorrow with Phile Alum Britney Christian, so spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker.

Pheaturing Phile Alum Abby Weitz From Wise Girl

 Hey there, how are you? Welcome to another entry of the Phile. Adonis-like millionaire Donald Trump... who made headlines this week for stating his opinion that Ebola-infected medical workers "must suffer the consequences" of their humanitarian efforts has apparently finally found a thing that he does not want his name plastered across in giant gold-plated lettering. The real estate mogul is trying to get Atlantic City's Trump Plaza and the Trump Taj Mahal to remove his name due to the run down conditions of both establishments, claiming in a lawsuit that they're damaging his brand, which "has become synonymous with the highest levels of quality, luxury, prestige, and success." Donald Trump is a terrible person but a wonderful Andy Kaufman character. I saw him once at Trump Plaza in New York. We were going down the escalator and he was coming up the escalator. He did say hello, which was nice.  "Curb Your Enthusiasm" lead and creator Larry David will reportedly be starring in a Broadway play he has written, titled "Fish in the Dark", in which he will presumably play a misunderstood, crotchety guy who has a number of arguments over small matters with the other characters in the play, much like in that one other thing he did.  Netflix chief content officer Ted Sarandos is promising fans of the cult sitcom "Arrested Development" that they'll have a whole new season of the show to pick apart and complain about on Twitter for years to come. "It's just a matter of when," he told USA Today. How many of you are excited about this? Not me. I've never seen the show, and I don't have Netflix. When Netflix first came out I thought it was a channel that shows nothing but basketball movies. You know, Blue Chips, Hoops... I can't think of any others right now. Singer-songwriter Marianne Faithfull has revealed new details concerning the death of rock music icon Jim Morrison. She claims that her boyfriend at the time, Jean de Breteui, supplied the Doors frontman with a supply of heroin that caused his death at the age of 27 in Paris. "I could intuitively feel trouble," she told Mojo magazine. "He went to see Jim Morrison and killed him. I mean I'm sure it was an accident... The smack was too strong? Yeah. And he died." Really disgusting the way Jim Morrison encouraged babies to start fires. Oh, another basketball movie came to mind... White Man Can't Jump. Oh, and Hoosiers. Space Jam! That's a good one. And one of my favorites... Semi-Pro. I'm gonna get email now with people mentioning their favorite basketball movies, or email saying "how can you forget so and so?" Moving on...  New York artist Sam Van Aken has spent the last nine years of his life creating a tree that bears 40 different types of stone fruit, including peaches, plums, apricots, and nectarines. "The trees were a way to collapse an entire orchard onto a tree," the artist explained. In related news, there's apparently at least 40 different kinds of stone fruit.  You know, in every high school there's always one teacher who wants the students to think they're cool, by listening to new music, using new slang, or, like in the case of Lorie Ann Hill, showing up to the first day on the job shit-faced and removing her pants. School officials in Wagoner, Oklahoma called police around 9 a.m. Monday after they found a disoriented Hill in an empty classroom and violating the dress code in a pretty major way. She was arrested for public intoxication after a brief interview with the police, which we're guessing lasted slightly longer than her job interview. The only good news for Hill is that classes don't start until Thursday, which means there weren't any students around. While she still has to live with that busted mugshot, at least articles about the incident won't contain a link to a YouTube video of her staggering around pantsless to the sounds of Nelly's "Hot in Herre". When I read this story I was picturing the pantless teacher to be hot. I was wrong.

So, yesterday I went to the store and even though I don't drink Coke I was looking for a Coke bottle with my name on it. I looked everywhere and couldn't find it. When I walked away the store looked like this...

Haha. That's stupid. I did not do this, it was just a joke. That whole Share a Coke ad campaign is pretty odd though. Did you see this?

Those crazy Coca-Cola people.  Yesterday I showed a picture of Vandadore or whatever that villain is in the Harry Potter movies, taking a selfie. It seems people in movies were taking selfies way before that. Check this screenshot out from The Mask.

That was a shitty movie.  So, here in he Orlando area a popular store opened called Trader Joe's. I have never been there yet but when I saw this ad for it, I don't think I wanna.

I love Whole Foods. Or even half a food.  So, it's Summer and you know what I love about Summer? Bikinis. Haha. That's so male. That sounds like I wear bikinis. Anyway, thee bikini is a great invention, that's why I decided to show you different bikinis through Summer.

French clothing designer John Nouanesing knows few things are hotter than a sexy geek and keeping the geeky ladies in mind, he's designed the Geekini, a two-piece bikini with appropriately placed buttons, resembling an old school Nintendo controller. You can find the start and select buttons on the bikini's bottom. That clever designer. Okay, and now from the home office in Port Jefferson,New York, here is another...

Top Phive Things Overheard At Olivia Wilde's Breastfeeding Photoshoot
5. Man, that baby is living my dream... being naked in a diner!
4. I love this diner! Topless customers and bottomless coffee!
3. Breastfeeding in a $1000 dress and Prada heels... any mother can relate to that!
2. I hear Zagat gives this place a "Yowza!!"
And the number one thing overheard at Olivia Wilde's breastfeeding photoshoot was...
1. I'm sorry, ma'am, but there's a $10 corkage fee.

If you spot the Mindphuck email me at thepeverettphile@gmail.com.

Alright, the 32nd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Jeremy will be a guest on the Phile next Thursday.

Today's guest is a Phile Alum and lead singer for the New York band Wise Girl whose latest EP "Sing Me to Sleep" is available on iTunes. Please welcome back to the Phile... Abby Weitz.

Me: Hello, Abby, welcome back to the Phile! How have you been?

Abby: I have been well, thanks!

Me: I am not afraid to say it but you are one of the hottest lead singers I ever interviewed... and now you are dating a member from the band, am I right?

Abby: Haha, yes it's true, the jig is up! You're such a detective!

Me: Not really. Haha. Were you and Paul dating when I interviewed you last October or is this new?

Abby: We were not yet dating when you interviewed me last October, Paul joined the band in early December.

Me: Ahhh. I thought you had an extra member. What do the other two guys in Wise Girl think of this, Abby? Are they jealous?

Abby: Hahaha. This is cracking me up. Everyone is totally cool with it, no jealousy in the band. If anything my bandmates are super protective of me and everyone knows that Paul's a nice guy so no one has had to step up and play big brother, but I already have one of those anyways.

Me: I would be if I was single and in your band. Paul is a very lucky guy. Anyway, tell the readers who is in the band.

Abby: Wise Girl is: Abby Weitz (yours truly): singer/songwriter/guitar, Harrison Keithline: drums, Paul Taite; bass, Tim Basom: guitar/ backup vocals.

Me: Paul is from New Zealand, am I right? Has he taken you there yet?

Abby: Paul is from New Zealand, he has not taken me there yet but I've taken him to my parent's house in Long Beach and he says that it reminds him a lot of Auckland, where he's from.

Me: Where are you from originally?

Abby: I'm from Long Beach, New York (STRONG ISLAND).

Me: The band is based in New York, am I right? Do you like living and working there?

Abby: Yes, we are based here in New York. I like it, I think I'm getting a little sick of living in Manhattan, I miss having space. I live in a studio apartment with two cats and I really just wish we had space to run and play. But at the same time, every time I leave for more than a week, I'm dying to come back to Manhattan so I can't win!

Me: I am from England but grew up in Port Jefferson, Long Island... ever been there?

Abby: Oh! You're an English lad are you? Yes, I have been to Port Jeff one or two times being a fellow Long Islander.

Me: Last time you were here we talked about Phile Alum Kim Shattuck and The Muffs. I am dying to get Kim back on the Phile as they have a new album out. Have you heard the album?

Abby: I just streamed their new album on Pitchfork, it's so awesome! They're coming back in the fall and I can't wait! I always get depressed after they leave though cause they put on the best shows and the energy is amazing and they're my favorite band and then I don't get to see them for years.

Me: If they asked you go open for them on a tour would you guys go? That's a stupid question, isn't it?

Abby: Very stupid question, I would in a heart beat!

Me: Wise Girl performs a lot of concerts in the New York area, what was your biggest and favorite show you guys have performed?

Abby: We just played a really amazing out door show for Make Music New York festival and Guitar World Magazine and that was definitely my favorite show. It was a free show in Union Square and anyone could come out! There were hundreds of people there who didn't even know who we were just enjoying the music, it was so amazing and so much fun!

Me: Okay, let's talk about your new EP "Sing Me to Sleep". How did that song get to be the title track?

Abby: I really liked the title and thought that it suited the collection of songs.

Me: "Don't Go" is the single, right?

Abby: Yes sir, it's the current single

Me: The EP is all acoustic... It's pretty much just you on the single, right?

Abby: Yes, the band didn't actually play on any of the EP. I did all of the guitars, glockenspiel, ukelele and one of the guys that produced it did the bass and drums for one of the tracks and percussion.

Me: How did you guys decide that the follow up to the great album "You'll Just Have to Wait" with an acoustic EP?

Abby: I was originally recording these songs to pitch for TV/ film licensing and then after showing some of the demos to my team, we came to the conclusion that they were such good songs and should be released next.

Me: I have to ask you about the cover, what is the deal with the eggs?

Abby: I don't know if anyone really "get's it", one of my friends recently was telling me that she understood the meaning and I was shocked. It's basically a picture the phrase "putting all of your eggs in one basket" which is how I feel about this career that I've chosen to pursue, I feel it more and more everyday.

Me: I thought it was an Easter thing, but you're Jewish, right? So, I guess I was wrong there. Haha. 

Abby: Haha... well it did happen to be on Easter, Paul and I were making Easter eggs and I made the Wise Girl one and, ta da!

Me: I have to ask you about that blue guitar you play. I have  a picture of you playing it here.

Me: What make it year is it? I like it a lot.

Abby: It's a Telecaster, no idea what year it is but I bought it used about 10 years ago, I rarely play it these days. I'm really into my hot pink glitter Daisy Rock!

Me: How many guitars do you have, Abby?

Abby: Six.

Me: How old were you when you started to play guitar and do you remember what the first song you learned was?

Abby: I was 13, the first song that I learned to play was definitely one of the old Beatles tunes.

Me: I love all your songs, and your voice... you have been described as a female Rivers Cuomo. Who is that?

Abby: Rivers Cuomo is the songwriter and lead singer for Weezer (love them).

Me: Of course! I knew that! Last time you were here I asked you about the tattoos on your shoulders, and you said it was poison ivy, but you wouldn't say what was the meaning. Will you tell me now? ; )

Abby: Nope! ;)

Me: Do you have any other tattoos?

Abby: Nope!

Me: Okay, so, what's next for Wise Girl? Are you guys working on any new material?

Abby: Got some big things coming up for the band, I am always writing stuff and yes, there will be new material not too far in the future.

Me: When the new album comes out will you come back on the Phile?

Abby: DUH!

Me: And if you ever want to send me a Wise Girl t-shirt... XXL... Haha.

Abby: I know I was supposed to send you one, but I don't have much merch left, BUT I guarantee by the time new material is released and we do another interview I will have an AWESOME tee for ya! 

Me: Yeah! Okay, so, I don't know if you remember but on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Ready? Oh, this is good. Which other culture would you choose to be born into?

Abby: Greek, the food is BOSS And I always get mistaken for Greek anyways.

Me: Abby, thanks again for coming back. Go ahead and mention your website and everything, take care, and please come back soon.

Abby: Thanks for having me! Check us out at wisegirlmusic.com and facebook.com/wisegirlmusic :)

There you go, another entry of the Phile done. Thanks to Abby for a great interview. The Phile will be back next Thursday with author Jeremy Croston and on Friday it's Phile Alum singer Britney Christian. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker.

Pheaturing Karen Bella

I'll need his eye. Haha. Hello, and welcome to the Phile, how are you? Alright, let's just get into it, shall we? Disney and Marvel Studios's gamble on a big budget, weirdo space opera filled with comic book characters no one's ever heard of ended up paying off, as Guardians of the Galaxy broke August box office records by earning $94.3 million in its domestic opening weekend and propelling its soundtrack full of songs everybody already has to the top of iTunes and Amazon's charts. I saw Guardians last Thursday, and wanted to take my son to see it today but he has no interest in seeing it. He does wanna see that Ninja Turtles movie tomorrow, but not Guardians. Where did I go wrong? Wheeerrrreee? Ahem. Okay, moving on.  It's become pretty predictable. If it got some attention in the 90s, it's inevitable that there's going to be a comeback tour and nostalgia cash-in. While a lot of people were excited by Pixies and Pavement reunions, there are way fewer lining up for the second coming of Ebola. Unfortunately, this mega-virus's comeback jaunt has already made its American debut in Atlanta, and ABC News is now reporting IT MAY HAVE JUST MADE A TOUR STOP IN NEW YORK CITY! Stock up on your fast food meat today. Nobody's making it to 2020. The second American citizen who has contracted the ebola virus arrived at Emory University Hospital in Atlanta earlier this week. Though the 59-year-old infected missionary nurse contracted the deadly disease while working in Africa, now that she has taken it stateside, Americans are waiting in panicked anticipation for the chance to run through the streets screaming in terror. Ebola is most easily spread through misinformed Facebook posts. Hey, "Conan" fans, late night host Conan O'Brien has agreed to perform "The Monorail Song" at a series for a live Simpsons revue at the Hollywood Bowl next month. The song comes from the episode "Marge vs. the Monorail," which he penned as a staff writer for the show two decades ago, when only a roomful of people understood how weird his sense of humor was.  This is something almost cool... Actress Olivia Wilde posed for Glamour magazine while breastfeeding her son Otis Sudeikis. The resulting touching photograph is being hailed as a triumph for mothers everywhere who breastfeed in full make-up and high fashion gowns. I have show you the picture in case you haven't seen it.

Gonna get Olivia Wilde breast-feeding her baby tattooed on my chest. Haha. Just kidding, but she's so fucking hot.  The San Antonio Spurs basketball team somehow, in the year 2014, became the first NBA organization to consider the possibility that a woman might be acceptable for the purpose of coaching. WNBA all-star Becky Hammon has been hired as an assistant coach for the team. Hopefully, over the course of 16 years in basketball, she learned a few things about the game. Now that women are invading the Ghostbusting and running for President industries, we might as well have a female assistant coach in the NBA.  CBS has unofficially announced that it has found the fresh white, male face it's been looking for to replace Craig Ferguson as the host of "The Late Late Show". British comedian James Corden... whom you may know from his work on such cultural phenomenons as "Gavin & Stacey" and "One Man, Two Guvnors", has reportedly been chosen over literally every single woman and black person on the planet. James Corden was also in two episodes of "Doctor Who".  Novelist Ayelet Waldman is bravely bucking the cultural stream and daring to criticize Kim Kardashian and her family members, calling them "vile scumbag pigs," after the "Kim Kardashian: Hollywood" apparently tricked her 11-year-old son into spending $120 and making him cry. Hey, but what if it had been "Kardashians of the Galaxy"? I think it would go a little something like this: shoots self in face head. I don't know what "Kim Kardashian: Hollywood" is... I think it's an app.  Ricky Gervais is bringing his David Brent character from the original BBC version of "The Office" to movie screens, with a faux-documentary called Life on the Road, in which the former office manager attempts to become a rock star. It is currently unknown how this film will relate to the overall subject of atheist activism. I'm 100% sure Ricky Gervais thinks there will be a movie made about his life within one year of his death.  Have you guys seen "Sesame Street" lately? I haven't as my 14 year old son has grown out of it. But I heard it changed a bit. Check this out...

"Give me your cookies!" It's definitely not how I remember it.  Everybody takes selfies now. You'd think it was a new thing, but selfies have been around for awhile. In fact, here's a screen shot of a movie where a selfie is being taken.

I have no idea what movie that is. I think it's one of them Harry Potter movies. The joke would of been better if the picture won't so dark.  So, a Phile reader in Arizona sent me this picture of a newspaper...

Great headline, Arizona Daily Star.  Last Thursday I showed you q103albany.com a radio stations website in Albany was having a contest between two rock songs that you could vote for.

Voting ended on August 3rd, but I wanted to see who won.

Alright! "Slow Ride" won. Thanks for everybody that voted.  Okay, it's Summer and as you know all through Summer I am showing you different bikinis you might find at the beach, or you could buy and wear yourself, ladies. Like this one...

Turn yourself into a time-traveler this summer with a TARDIS swimsuit. Available as a bikini or a monokini, it's made from TARDIS blue swim fabric with a top that's designed to look like the famous blue box's windows. Now, you just have to wait for The Doctor to find you and you'll be all set. She's really cute by the way. I like the way she's holding that sonic screwdriver. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is this week's...

Top Phive Group Of People Who Went To See Guardians Of The Galaxy
5. People who liked The Avengers but felt it wasn't raccoon-y enough.
4. Viewers who've already completely forgotten last week's $170 million action blockbuster.
3. Vin Diesel fans, eager to see him in the part he was born to play: a giant tree.
2. Kind souls who just want to help those scrappy underdogs at Disney to make a few bucks.
And the number one group of people who went to see Guardians of the Galaxy...
1. Moviegoers desperately searching for a story about a ragtag group of unlikely heroes who must reconcile their differences and band together to defeat an evil villain.

If you spot the Mind Phuck email me at thepeverettphile@gmail.com. It's a pretty easy one. Okay, so, I really wanted to go to San Diego Comic Con this year, but couldn't. A friend of mine did and had  great time. So, I thought it would be cool to invite him to the Phile so he can tell us all about it.

Me: Bryan, welcome to the Phile. I wanted to have you here as you are one of my closet friends who went to SDCC this year, and I wanted to find out how it was. So, in one word, how was it?

Bryan: Awesome.

Me: I have to mention that you invited me to go this year, and I turned it down, and now I'm regretting it. Aggghhhh. So, do you think I would of had a good time?

Bryan: Yes.

Me: You know I'm going with you next year, right?

Bryan: Maybe.

Me: So, did you see any celebrities there?

Bryan: No, but I wasn't looking.

Me: You might've and not know, there were a few celebrities walking around the dealers room and stuff in disguise. Was there a buzz about that when you were there, or did you find out after?

Bryan: I found out after.

Me: So, what are some of the few things you saw there?

Bryan: Lola from "Agents of S.H.I.E.LD.", miner pods from Guardians of the Galaxy, Darth Vader car.

Me: There was a lot of Guardians of the Galalxy stuff going on, right?

Bryan: Just at the Marvel Booth.

Me: Was the con way too crowded, Bryan?

Bryan: Yes.

Me: Did you get to do everything you wanted?

Bryan: No, the line at the Funko Booth was capped whenever I went over.

Me: Not only in the convention center was stuff going on, but also in downtown San Diego. Did you do anything down there?

Bryan: The Homer Simpson Dome.

Me: So, was there anything you didn't like?

Bryan: The crowds.

Me: Would you go back again? Please say yes as I want to go with you next year. I think it'll be cool to do the Phile from there.

Bryan: Yes.

Me: Bryan, thanks for talking about SDCC, and thanks for the t-shirt.

Guardians of the Galaxy, an action-comedy about space war, trades superhero despair for goofiness. The flippant flipside to the anxiety of Dark Knights and Winter Soldiers, it exists easily within the fairly conservative formal requirements of the Marvel universe by staying light on its feet, even as it indulges in grief.  The story, full of hardware: a prized power-orb, one that could be used in the destruction of entire societies, bounces around from villain to mercenary and back again. If it’s not controlled, the civilization presided over by a spectacularly be-wigged Glenn Close will be destroyed. A variety of bad dudes (Lee Pace, Michael Rooker, Djimon Hounsou) are, in one way or another, working to make this happen, but they’ll find resistance in rogue space traveler Peter Quill (Chris Pratt), green-skinned Gamora (Zoe Saldana), angry behemoth Drax (Dave Bautista), Rocket the Raccoon (the voice of Bradley Cooper, doing his best Han Solo) and Rocket’s very own Chewbacca in the form of sentient tree, Groot (Vin Diesel). There’s chasing, fighting and shooting, flying and exploding, and all of it looks fantastic, the hallmark of a Marvel adventure. That aspect of this franchise foundation is solid, occasionally even thrilling, but not about to sacrifice its own mercenary intentions by challenging expectation.  Instead, Guardians’ secret weapon and defiant wrench in the machine is its willingness to be silly, to set up running gags, and to feel. Peter, orphaned at a young age and kidnapped into space, swaggers through the galaxy with a vintage Walkman blasting pop hits of the 1960s and 70s, all of which are shorthand for his late mother's love. He's looking for whatever adventure and money he can scrounge, but he still wishes that even one person thought he was cool and valuable enough to be known as “Star-Lord.” What he gets instead is a bickering gang of creatures, all of whom are lost, abandoned or widowed. As the group nurses their individual wounds and mourns the past, they’ll band together and fight as the plot requires, but mostly they will form an adorable family.  That’s a bad word to use when kick-starting a kickass Marvel franchise, maybe, but there’s no getting around what amounts to the film’s competing story. And this makeshift battalion of unhappy travelers, their relationships built on charm, antagonism and mouthy one-liners, even when battling Ultimate Evil, exists happily under the attachment parenting of director James Gunn. In a landscape of superhero narratives meant to tap into collective anxiety, Gunn has built a cuddle machine to soothe the audience’s yearning for connection.  The result, one that rides a wave of absurd humor and sweet Jackson 5 songs, is the most emotionally direct movie to come out of the recent wave of comic book sagas. It taps into what the first three Star Wars films knew and the next three forgot: big heart and a sense of humor are what keep heavy machinery running smoothly.

Jim Brady 
August 29th, 1940 — August 4th, 2014
So maybe a 21-gun salute would be inappropriate here...

Real quick, I once sat at a table next to Jim Brady's table in a restaurant in Washington DC. We were there on a family vacation in the 90s and he was at the next table. I didn't recognize him at first but my mum pointed him out. I wanted to get a picture of him and his autograph but my mum said, "Don't bother the man when he's eating his eggs. He's been through enough." True story. Okay, now to the book club. the 32nd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Jeremy will be a guest on the Phile next Thursday.

Today's pheatured guest is a singer-songwriter from New York whose CD "Ordinary Girl" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Karen Bella.

Me: Hello, Karen, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Karen: Hello, Jason! Thank you for having me. I am well! I hope you are well too!

Me: Yeah, I'm not bad. I was told about you I think some time last year by a good friend of the Phile who appears here regularly... Laird Jim. He's a friend of yours, right?

Karen: That's lovely to hear. It always is an honor to be introduced to good people like yourself through others. :)

Me: He's a real man, Karen, not like me. Haha. When and how did you first meet him?

Karen: Aw, Jason! You are a real man too! Unless you are bionic! ;) Jim attended my show at The Bellmore Bean Cafe back in October 2013.

Me: You're based in New York, right? Are you you originally from there?

Karen: Yes. I was born and raised in New York. Specifically Long Island.

Me: How long have you been a musician, Karen?

Karen: I used to think that being a musician takes years of practice. As time went on I learned you are born a musician. You just have to polish the diamond in the rough. So I would say: Since birth.

Me: You wrote your first song when you were about 9, am I right? I wrote my first song when I was 44. Haha. What does a 9 year old write about?

Karen: That is wonderful! Any age is a perfect age to write your first song. I may have written songs at age 9, but never put it down on paper. My first official song was written when I was 12. What does a 12 year old write about? It differs from person to person. The first song I wrote was called "The Suffering". Dramatic, yes. It is about a young homeless boy. Lost his parents and is out on the streets barely scrapping by. He is aware of his mortality and expresses a high level of despair in realizing the reality of his life. Being ignored and receiving no help. Hence: The Suffering.

Me: My first song I think was about bicycles and oppression. How many songs have you written, Karen?

Karen: Throughout my entire life... solo and co-writing since the age of 12, I have written over 200 songs. Perhaps more. I would have to really sit down and go through all my tapes, CD's and files to know the exact number.

Me: You not only write your own stuff, you also do a bunch of covers... do you prefer performing your own stuff or a cover?

Karen: That is a very interesting question. Performing your own material is (for me) like giving birth to a child. There is a story and an emotional attachment to each song. Memories and feelings. It's your words. Your creation. Your world coming to life. And I love every song differently. When I perform my own material, it is me baring my soul to the listener. It is me. And it's by far one of the most scary but rewarding experiences to undress yourself through original song. When performing a cover, it is similar to how I process my original writing. The difference is that the song already exists with a specific sound. Any cover song that I connect with is someone else's "child" and so I allow the song to grow with me as I figure out it's energy to develop it stylistically as though it is my own. I want all the covers I do to sound like me. Not like the original artist. It is my homage to the talented writer, performer and creator. My way of showing full respect on such implacable and tasteful art. I love both. It's like asking me. Which do you love better? Coffee or Chocolate? Both!

Me: I have to say, I love your cover of The Beatles song "A Hard Days Night" where you blended it with "Ticket to Ride". Like everybody else, you must be a big Beatles fan, right?

Karen: Correct, Jason! A+. The Beatles have been a major musical influence on me. Till this moment it is mind boggling how they changed music forever. They're iconic. they're legendary. So much so that its almost mythical. Any band that can have such a large quantity of melodic and iconic songs... PLUS, staying number one till this day... I am simply speechless. I also perform a cover of their song "Norwegian Wood."

Me: What other bands did you listen to growing up and who do you listen to now? Any Foghat? Haha.

Karen: Foghat! Yes I am familiar with that band. :) I grew up listening to music my father listened to...  50s, 60s specifically. Lots of Elvis and Elton John. I was enamored with Madonna and Janet Jackson growing up too. My mother introduced me one day to the musical, "Funny Girl" with Barbra Streisand. Little did she know that from that moment my life changed forever. I understood that what Barbra was to me the moment she said (her iconic line) "Hello gorgeous". How she performed and her strength would be the spark that started the fire. I knew my destiny right then and there. As I got older I began listening to everything from Dream Theater to Mozart. Jewel, Alanis Morissette, Billy Joel, Queen, Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, John Mayer, Dave Matthews, Broadway and the list goes on and on. It never ends.

Me: Let's talk about your album "Ordinary Girl". Is this your first release?

Karen: "Ordinary Girl" is my baby. My first solo release. Everything about it is me. The music, the instrumentation, the lyrics. It took a lot of pain, time and motivation to get myself to do it all and get it done.

Me: Do you think you're an ordinary girl, Karen?

Karen: To be ordinary is non-existent. We all have our unique-isms. We are all extraordinary. So no. I am not an ordinary girl.

Me: The album is full of all originals, am I right? Any that you wrote when you were a kid?

Karen: Yes. All the songs on "Ordinary Girl", are originals. On this album specifically, the songs are from my twenties.

Me: On the album you play all the instruments... piano, guitar and ukulele. What do you prefer?

Karen: Hands down: My Celebrity Ovation. He's my boyfriend! ;)

Me: Which instrument did you learn first?

Karen: Voice. Yes, the voice is an instrument too. Then at 9 years of age I began piano lessons.

Me: Not only did you record the songs in English, but didn't you record them in Hebrew as well?

Karen: Yes. I recorded a few of my original songs in Hebrew. "Ha Ha Ha" and "Little Bella" have Hebrew versions, however they didn't make the final cut for the album. For those who don't speak the language, it would sound like someone is clearing popcorn from their throat. Haha.

Me: Do you talk fluent in Hebrew?

Karen: Of course! It was my first language since my parents are both Israeli. First generation. I learned English in school.

Me: You have been to Israel, right? I have a picture of you and some friends in Israel.

Karen: This picture took place in Tel-Aviv at a popular pub called Vead HaBiet. Translation: To Home. We were celebrating a birthday party. This was a few weeks before the 2012 Gaza bombings.


Me: Wow. What was it like over there?

Karen: I am proud to say that not only have I been to Israel, but I fell in love with her so much that I actually lived there for about two years. The life there is similar to life in America since it's very Americanized. There is a different energy there though. An energy that is more peaceful and connected to something larger than us. The moment you step on the land, you can feel it. The people are beautiful and accepting. The country is all about love and living life till its fullest. You have a diversity of nationalities and religions. There are parts of the country that are very old fashioned and some are new. Sitting outside, drinking coffee, smoking huka and eating lots of falafel with hummus. The Mediterranean Sea is one of the most beautiful bodies of water I have ever been to. I lived in Bat Yam, which is 15 minutes south of Tel-Aviv. I had a ten minute walk to the sea from my apartment and I must say it was like waking up in paradise every morning. Cars are everywhere and people are running around to go out, get things done, go to work and anything else you can think of. It is a country full of life and a country filled with historical memories and events. It was by far the best two years of my life. I miss it there very much. Unfortunately, the country is in the belly of the beast surrounded by turmoil and conflict of terrorism. I experienced the 2012 Gaza bombings. An incredibly terrifying situation. Hearing the missile sirens out of no where, you have 30 second to a minute to run for shelter. Thankfully, the Iron Dome intercepted many of the missiles. I was shaking with fear while the buildings shook from the explosions.

Me: They are still going through tons of shit now, aren't they? Do you have family or friends over there?

Karen: Shit is an understatement. Israel has gone through hell and back. The country and its people are dealing with large amounts of individuals (Hamas) who are educated to hate and will go to any depth (even die) for the sake of destroying Israel. You're not dealing with normal people. You're dealing with insanity. You're dealing with terrorism. America would not put up with terrorism if the shoe were on the other foot. Innocent people are being affected on both ends. It's sad really. Somehow I believe that this will all end. But lets hope it's not at the cost of loosing many lives. My entire immediate family lives there except for one of three brothers. My parents, two brothers and sister reside in the Holy Land. I also have many dear friends and extended family there as well. I pray for their safety every day.

Me: Karen, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but a lot of bands and musicians are boycotting, or don't wanna play in Israel... for example Bon Jovi, Pearl Jam, Stevie Wonder, even one of my favorites Elvis Costello. Do you think this is wrong, or are they making a wise decision? 

Karen: Excellent question, Jason. It is apparent that we are all entitled to our opinions and beliefs. With that said, I can understand why an artist would cancel a performance if there were missile attacks like the war going on in the present. But to refuse to share your music with the people of a country because of Anti-Semitic beliefs, prejudice and or a lack of education on what is REALLY going on in a country is not something I can understand. We are here to unite and help one another. Not to segregate. Artists especially should understand that. But it's their loss and we should focus on the artists who are more than happy to share their gift with everyone.

Me: Let's get back to your music. You have a song on the album called "Little Bella". Is that song about you? You don't have a baby, do you?

Karen: Haha. You know, a few people have asked me if that song is about a baby. No, I am not a mother yet. I would like to have children (other than my songs) when I am good and ready. "Little Bella" is about my JackChi, Bella. My precious little doggie. If you listen to the lyrics and the instrumentation, you'll hear barking. It's a love song. She is the love of my life. I named her after my great aunt. I wrote this song to share with everyone who loves their pet.

Me: Karen, I am sure you played all over Long Island and New York. Ever played in Port Jeff? I grew up in Port Jeff. Is there anywhere to play in that town?

Karen: You're a fellow Long Islander! Super!!!! I haven't had a chance to perform in that town. Surely there must be a music scene there. I will have to do some research and check out some places. 

Me: Ever been to the Port Jeff Co. Brewery?

Karen: No, I haven't.

Me: So, what's next for you? Are you gonna be working on a new album?

Karen: Right now I am focusing on writing (an artist always writes), and performing. It's all about getting out there to be heard. I would like to record more material. Things are in the works.

Me: Okay, so, on the Phile I ask questions thanks to Tabletopics. Ready? I hate this one... If you could have another name what would you choose?

Karen: Funny! I have never been asked that! When I was younger I used to hate my name. As I got older I've learned to appreciate my full name. It describes my essence. I would never change it. I love my name. My mother almost named me Shira before I was born. In Hebrew Shira means singing and or poetry. So maybe if I HAD to, I would choose Shira. Shira Bella. Haha. Has a nice twist.

Me: Karen, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Please come back again. Go ahead and mention your website and anything else you wanna mention.

Karen: Jason, thank you! It was wonderful conversing with you. Please keep in touch and of course I'll be checking out your blog! :) I always like to say hello to my parents. Hi, Ema and Aba! "Ordinary Girl" is available on iTunes, Amazon.com and CD Baby. You can always see the latest news, music and tour info on my Facebook page as well as my Twitter and YouTube page. facebook.com/officialkarenbella, youtube.com/user/Kbonk7, twitter.com/kbonk7.

There, that about wraps this entry up. Thanks to Bryan Pantages and Karen Bella. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Phile Alum Abbey Weitz from the band Wise Girl. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker.