Hello, welcome to the Peverett Phil-E. Sorry, we just saw Wall-E so that little robot custodian was on my mind. President Bush has ordered his troops to find Osama bin Laden. He really jumped on that one, didn’t he? The CIA thinks they know where Osama bin Laden is. They think he’s hiding in the mountainous regions of Pamela Anderson. John McCain’s daughter is writing a children’s book based her father’s life. The children’s book is called, "James and the Giant Prostate.” Ralph Nader attacked Barack Obama for refusing to accept public financing for his campaign and said that Obama was too closely tied to big business. Then the guy sitting next to Nader on the park bench said, "Shut up.” Britney Spears flew to Mississippi this week to help her sister Jamie Lynn with her new baby. Britney says it’s really important that she spend time with the baby now — because soon it will be busy raising it’s own baby. Christie’s auction house in New York is auctioning off life vests from the Titanic. Why would anyone want a life vest from the Titanic? I’m pretty sure they don’t work. Scientists have come up with a pill that makes you less shy. It makes you more outgoing; it gives you more personality. And I’m thinking, “Great — now I have to bring two pills when I go out with Jen." Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are going to be in a movie together. They’re doing a movie called, What the Hell Are They Saying? An interesting study was released. People in California are less convinced there is a God than people of any state in the country. On an unrelated note, more than 800 wildfires are burning out of control here. There you go — God is real; he’s mad; and he’s trying to kill us. It’s very hard for firefighters to get them under control, because the vegetation up in northern California, where the fires are, is about 40 percent marijuana plants. Support crews are supposed to be bringing in supplies, but they keep bringing in Doritos and chocolate milkshakes. The Dutch think the world’s going to end on Dec. 12, 2012. It has to do with the Mayan calendar. That and a lot of pot smoking. Next week is the Fourth of July. I will be celebrating as I always do. I get completely naked; I go up on the roof and sing the national anthem at the top of my lungs. The networksalways run these fireworks safety videos to make sure no one has any fun on the Fourth of July.
I know they’re supposed to make us scared of fireworks, but after seeing them I feel this intense desire to blow something up. The only thing we learn from these videos is it’s a bad time of year to be a mannequin.
THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Groveland, Florida, here is this week's top ten list.
Top Ten Possible Titles For George W. Bush's Memoir
10. "Tuesdays With Moron"
9. "Surviving The 12-Hour Work Week"
8. "What Being President Learned Me"
7. "The 7 Habits Of Highly Incompetent People"
6. "All I Ever Really Needed To Know I Learned In Kindergarten"
5. "Sloppy Joes Is Tasty"
4. "It Takes A Village Idiot"
3. "How To Lose Wars And Alienate World Leaders"
2. "At Least I Never Had A Gay Date In An Airport Bathroom"
1. "Huh?"
R.I.P.
George Carlin: Tonight's forecast calls for increasing chest pains followed by perpetual darkness.
FLORIDA: AMERICA'S WANG
God Lucky Howard, 39, landed in the Hillsborough County Jail on cocaine charges Saturday. The crime drew little notice. The name was another story. This God made TV and the Internet. But God Lucky Howard is not the only God in Florida, nor is he even the only God in trouble. Elsewhere, there's Glory of God Cummings of Pensacola, God Fearing Philippe of Lakeland, None God of Jupiter, God Medeiros of New Port Richey and God Goldman and God V. Torres of Dade County, state records show. Allahzar God Allah, 62, has been in a Lake County prison for almost a quarter century serving a life sentence for first-degree murder. God is not simply in Florida.God is also in Illinois. The day before Howard was arrested, an Illinois judge gave a man named Steve Kreuscher permission to legally change his name to "In God We Trust," the Lake County News-Sun reported. The 57-year-old artist and bus driver said the name grew from his devotion to God. He also confessed to an ulterior motive.
"There are billions of artists out there," We Trust told the News-Sun. "If you don't do something to stand out in the crowd, the world won't recognize you." Howard, if convicted, might be recognized by the Florida Department of Corrections. He previously served prison time on drug charges, state records show. When booked in the Orient Road Jail on Saturday, he reported that he was a self-employed mortgage broker and that he lived at 3505 20th St. N. Now he faces eight charges of cocaine delivery and possession. Tampa police say he sold drugs near a public housing complex, near a school and near a church. Bail is $86,500.
JUNE 27TH IN HISTORY
1844
Mormon leader Joseph Smith, along with his brother Hyrum, are shot and killed by a mob while in jail at Carthage, Illinois. According to church legend, after Smith is shot a man raises a knife to decapitate him, but is thwarted by a thunderbolt from heaven.
1988
Hillel Slovak, original guitarist from sock-friendly rock band Red Hot Chili Peppers dies of a smack overdose in Hollywood.
1995
The LAPD arrests streetwalker Divine Brown on Hawthorn Ave. where she is discovered giving British movie star Hugh Grant a blowjob in his white BMW. To be fair, they also arrest Grant for procuring said blowjob.
2001
Police arrest comedian Paula Poundstone in Malibu, California on charges of lewd conduct with a minor. Poundstone's pending criminal trial remains front page news for the next three months, until it is overshadowed by the World Trade Center attacks in September. Soon thereafter, she pleads guilty to a lesser charge, and the details of her indictment are never disclosed to the public.
DOCTOR WHO
Thank you very much, Steven Moffat. You can't satisfy yourself with making me terrified of statues, now you have to make me afraid of the dark as well. Besides scaring the pants off me, this episode is the highlight of this season so far (having seen the second episode already, I can assure you that one is just as good). Since all the remaining episodes after this two-parter are written by Russell T. Davies, I may be able to stand by that statement before watching the rest of the season. As I've mentioned before, Mr. Davies is an excellent writer (and recent O.B.E. recipient) and I will always be greatful for his actions in returning "Doctor Who" to television, but the man just can't write science fiction. The 2010 incumbent "Doctor Who" showrunner continues his streak of incredible episodes. His writing seems to get better with each successive season. He masters characterization, plot and twists in better ways than M. Night Shyamalan and his "happening" could ever hope to. Having Moffat in charge of "Doctor Who" reminds me of the 1974 to 1977 Tom Baker seasons in which their best writer Robert Holmes was also the script editor. Those seasons produced the most memorable episodes of the show (including "The Talons of Weng-Chiang" which is among the favorites of current showrunner Russell T. Davies). Needless to say, my hopes are sky-high. This episode finds the Doctor and Donna landing on a planet-sized information repository in the 51st century called "The Library." I cannot help but notice that other than 20th century Earth, the 51st century seems to be the Doctor's most common point of disembarkation in the past four seasons. However, all human life on the planet seems to have disappeared. According to the planet's computers, the lives have been "saved." It turns out our intrepid travelers were summoned to the planet by a message appearing on the Doctor's psychic paper. As they search the planet for answers, they encounter a team of archaeologists led by Professor River Song. Professor Song apparently has met the Doctor in his future and their relationship was, shall we say, more than friends (their exact relationship was left as a mystery to the viewer and to the Doctor as well). Song is careful not to reveal any future information to the Doctor or Donna, giving the simple warning of "spoilers" It is this relationship that is the center of the story. What does Professor Song know about the Doctor? Is she a future companion, a future lover, or what? When Donna inquires about her future, why does Professor Song remain silent? Is it a concern about "spoilers" or something more sinister? I do wonder if River Song was intended as a surrogate to archaeologist Professor Bernice Summerfield, a companion created by writer Paul Cornell in the novelizations of "Doctor Who". It turns out that the human population of the planet were consumed by a race called the Vashta Nerada. They are microscopic, feed on human flesh and hide themselves as shadows. Moffat even adds a particularly ominous plot point: the spacesuits that the archeologists are wearing possess communications devices that link their thoughts, a side-effect of which is a "data ghost" that exists in the suit after they've been killed. It's eerie to hear a disembodied voice of a skull wondering who turned the lights out. To add even more depth to the plot, there seems to be a young girl in therapy with a Doctor Moon who can see everything going on in the Library. Doctor Moon is trying to convince the girl that the Library is a fantasy. It's a marvelous plot device because in effect the little girl becomes the audience. She is reacting to the Doctor's adventures in the same ways Moffat believes the audience would react. The philosophies of truth and reality come into question. It's the mark of a good writer to be able to work on many levels like this.
In the end of the episode, Donna gets "saved" as well when the Doctor tries to get her to the safety of the TARDIS. This is made evident by the appearance of her face on an abstract sculpture in the Library. So among the River Song questions, there is now also the question of the identity of the girl and her relationship to the Library. All this to be answered tonight. Other interesting bits/observations... The atmospheric design of the Library was superb. The CGI seemed especially well done. Several books in the library were by past "Doctor Who" writers or were books featured in previous episodes. Among those were the operating manual for the TARDIS, Origins of the Universe ("Destiny of the Daleks"), The French Revolution ("An Unearthly Child"), the Journal of Impossible Things ("Human Nature"/"The Family of Blood"), The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (written by Douglas Adams, former "Doctor Who" writer and script editor), Everest in Easy Stages ("The Creature from the Pit") and Black Orchid (a book first seen in the Fifth Doctor serial of the same name).
I liked how the book jacket of the Doctor's life was reminiscent of the design of the TARDIS. The "emergency program" used by the Doctor to try and get Donna to safety was the same one used in the Season 1 finale on Rose Tyler. That didn't work out so well either when Rose momentarily became a god as a result and eventually cost the Ninth Doctor his life. Looking forward to part 2 later on tonight. According to Doctor Who Magazine (and repeated on several "Doctor Who" message boards online), the finale of Season Four ("Journey's End") is going to be 65 minutes in length, as opposed to the usual 45 or 50 minute length of the season's episodes so far. This length, of course, deals with the original broadcast on the BBC and not the American broadcast. The question is: when it airs eventually on the Sci Fi Channel in America, what will the network do? Will they allocate extra time for the broadcast (as I hope they will) or simply cut the episode to bits? The Sci Fi Channel has cut down the time of Doctor Who episodes before, most notably with the Season Three finale "Last of the Time Lords", the original length of which clocked in at 52 minutes.
JEN, LOGAN AND I GO TO THE MOVIES
Get Smart
During the opening of Get Smart, the new big-screen re-visitation of the '60s spy spoof TV show created by Mel Brooks and Buck Henry, we're shown a montage detailing the mighty workings of the modern intelligence apparatus; covert microphones, satellite communications intercepts, frantic translation, secretive meetings. As top analyst Maxwell Smart (Steve Carell) walks the streets of Washington to the hidden headquarters of the secret agency where he works, listening to intercepted conversations to better understand the plans and thoughts of America's enemies, his iPod switches over ... to Abba's "Take a Chance on Me." Spies, it seems, are people too. And pause here to think about the challenges facing any director who wants to make a spy comedy in our modern times. If you depict spies as too competent, the audience unconsciously fears for their civil liberties; depict spies as too incompetent, the audience unconsciously fears for their lives. Make the film's threat to the free world too credible, and the film's more scary than silly; make the threat to the free world too fantastic and foolish (as in the earlier Get Smart big-screen project, 1980's The Nude Bomb) and the film's more goofy than gripping. The makers of the new Get Smart seem to have thought about this, and have transformed the character somewhat from Don Adams's nasal know-nothing in the '60s TV show; as played by Carell, Smart is a bright, dedicated, insightful analyst for the secret agency CONTROL who dreams of being a field agent. And Max learns he's passed the field agent's exam with flying colors; still, his boss The Chief (Alan Arkin) rejects Max's request for transfer to field work because he needs Max behind a desk. But fate -- and the bad guys -- change that plan; the evil organization KAOS, as part of their newest operation, learns the identity of every CONTROL agent in the field and lashes out at them, meaning that heavy-hitter field agents like Max's pal Agent 23 (Dwayne Johnson) have to come in from the cold before it gets too hot. The only people CONTROL can put out in the field to stop KAOS's new plan are the only two KAOS doesn't know the identities of: Agent 99 (Anne Hathaway), whose recent plastic surgery has given her a new face ... and Max. This is not a bad pitch; in fact, it's a far better pitch than a big-screen adaptation of a TV series usually gets, where other producers in the past have wagered and hoped we'll just wander into the theater in a numb narcotized nimbus of nostalgia. And the cast is top-notch, from the good guys (Carell, Hathaway, Arkin and Johnson) to the bad guys (Terence Stamp and Ken Davitian) to the weird cameos (which I won't spoil). Okay, with all that said, we all loved it (even Jen) and we all gave it a 10.
LOGAN AND I GO TO THE MOVIES
WALL-E
WALL-E, from Pixar studios, shows us a ruined city, centuries from now, where a single (and singular) robot toils to cube trash and, it seems, will never lack for work. WALL-E (Waste Allocation Load Lifter (Earth-Class)), a two-treaded solitary worker robot, spends his days cubing trash and his nights shut in safe from the cataclysmic garbage-gales that sweep the planet, inside a repair truck he's filled with things that have fascinated him; garden gnomes, butane lighters, a copy of Hello, Dolly! And in WALL-E's nearly-silent opening minutes, we get a sense of the world he lives in. Everything is ruined; there are no signs of life but for cockroaches; the only voices you hear come when the motion-activated Buy 'n' Large holo-billboards go off. WALL-E strips his broken-down brethren for parts and recharges by the sun's rays and stacks trash-cubes to imitate the skyscrapers decaying all around him, garbage as a pale reflection of glory. But one day is different from any other day, as a ship lands and drops off a probe -- smooth and shiny, a gleaming higher-tech robot who seems dedicated to her mission. (I know, I know; she's a robot. But, trust me, she's a lady, too). Her name is EVE, and she's looking for ... something. WALL-E wants to get close to her, but she's pretty focused on work; in time, though, they do connect, which is when WALL-E offers her one of his treasures as a gift ... which is, of course, exactly what she's been looking for. The opening half of WALL-E is, bluntly, awe-inspiringly well-made, combining the silent-film skill and timing of Buster Keaton or Jacques Tati with the big-scale futurism of George Lucas or Stephen Spielberg at their finest. WALL-E even sounds a bit like a Lucas creation, which is no coincidence, as his bleeps, blurps and utterances are all designed by Ben Burtt, the sound designer who crafted the soundscape of the original Star Wars films. (I think the best possible anecdote that explains Burtt's devotion to, and enthusiasm for his craft is how, at his wife's sonogram for their soon-to-be-born child, he brought along a tape on the off chance he could use the fetal heartbeat for his upcoming work on Phillip Kaufman's Invasion of the Body Snatchers; he could, and he did.) But even with tips of the hat and evocations of the past, writer-director Andrew Stanton's film is also uniquely his. WALL-E's world is sad and scary and lonely; we can feel WALL-E's relief and trepidation when he meets EVE, and then his joy at companionship, and then his frantic worry at the idea of that being taken away. EVE's recalled to her homebase, and WALL-E tags along. And soon, WALL-E is crawling through the gleaming halls of the starship Axiom -- a joke nearly on par with "Nomanisan Island" from The Incredibles -- where the remains of humanity scoot through the ship in hoverchairs, drinking their meals from to-go-cups, holoscreens inches before their faces, essentially (in the words of social critic Neil Postman) amusing themselves to death. And while events aboard the Axiom may move the plot along, I couldn't help but miss the movie that was left behind. When we're just watching WALL-E rove and explore the wasteopolis of the future, you feel like you're watching the kid's movie Stanley Kubrick never made; as soon as we get on board the Axiom, the film becomes a series of superbly-executed but nonetheless familiar series of plot points and platitudes, moral messages and misadventures. You occasionally get a glimpse of sharp teeth behind the smile: The Captain (voiced by Jeff Garlin) celebrates the 700th anniversary of The Axiom's five-year mission and a pre-taped message from the CEO of Buy 'n' Large (Fred Willard) advises "Stay the course." Part of me thinks that Stanton's going easy on the conservationist message and anti-consumerist satire so that it'll sink in with people later; another part of me thinks that WALL-E's message is precisely calibrated so that any parent who purchases WALL-E toys for their kids won't feel guilty enough to stop, but will at least be inspired to put the packing cardboard in the recycling. And, really, you don't feel inspired to have arguments like this about Open Season or Shrek or The Ant Bully. Pixar may have earned awards and laurels as the pioneers of digital animation, but the true secret of their success is stories so smart and superbly-tuned that you could tell them with sock puppets and still move the audience. That's the case with WALL-E, just as it was for Toy Story or The Incredibles or any of Pixar's finer films. And, at the same time, the animation in WALL-E is astonishing, from big things like the ruined Earth WALL-E's meekly inherited or the star-lit space ballet of two robots dancing in the void to little things like heat shimmer or the ghostly workings of barely-visible machinery through EVE's translucent shell. Anthropologists tell us that every object we create is also a mirror, the maker's intent and values and aspirations reflected in the thing they've made. WALL-E is appealing to us not because of his human affectations but because he reminds us of the best parts of our own humanity -- his love for silly-smart things like Rubik's Cubes, musical theater and Christmas lights; his refusal to let a friend down; his capacity for bravery in the face of danger and for joy in the face of sadness. WALL-E isn't quite in the Pixar pantheon of greatness alongside The Incredibles and Toy Story, but it's close. Too many kid's movies are created to give kids things to buy; WALL-E is a kid's movie that might, perhaps, give you and your kids pause to think about what things truly cost. I give WALL-E an 8.
There, phans, another entry of the Phile. I still want to hit 5000 views by Thanksgiving, so tell your phriends about the blog. The next entry will be updated on Thursday next week, so don't forget. In the meantime, inbetween time, check out my friend Jeff's blog called Story Time With Jeff, and spread the word, not the turd. I will leave you with a quote from the great George Carlin: "When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?" Peace.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Get Horizontal
Hello, kids, it's Friday again, and time for another Peverett Phile. Hope everyone had a good week. Last Saturday Logan and I went to Star Wars Weekends at Disney's Hollywood Studios. It was confusing. On one side of the park was Darth Vader and the other side Anakin Skywalker. Try explaining that one to an eight year old. Barack Obama has put his birth certificate online to fight the rumors he wasn’t born in the U.S. John McCain is going to put his birth certificate online as soon as he figures out how to upload the stone tablets. Paul McCartney has just announced he’s going on a world tour. He’ll be on the road for two years. He’ll make a ton of money — about a month of alimony. So, did you Father's have a good Father's Day last Sunday? I stayed home and watched the crooked NBA Finals. Logan gave me a monogrammed medical alert bracelet. It goes nicely with last year’s gift — a mug that reads “World’s Oldest Dad.” Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee are back together. They’ve already scheduled their first domestic disturbance for Thursday. At the U.S. Open, 32-year-old Tiger Woods came back to beat 45-year-old Rocco Mediate. When he heard that a younger African-American beat an older white man, John McCain said, “uh-oh.”
Republican Congressman Ron Paul has finally decided to suspend his presidential campaign. Paul said, “There comes a time when you realize that you have no chance to win, and that time was six months ago.” President Bush said that after he retires he wants to write a book. Bush said he’s not sure if it will be about politics or about his personal life, but he is sure it will be a pop-up book. Barack Obama’s staff and John McCain’s staff are busy negotiating when the Presidential debates will take place. Obama wants them to be in September — and McCain wants them to be after his nap, but before “Wheel of Fortune.” Barack Obama said that if becomes president he’d replace the White House bowling alley because it’s something he would never use. Apparently, this is the same reason President Bush got rid of the White House library.
This weekend, Barack Obama and Bill Clinton will be attending the same conference in Florida. Not surprisingly, the conference is sponsored by the National Association of Men Who’ve Been Attacked By Hillary Clinton. Gay marriage is now legal in California and yesterday, a lesbian couple who are 83 and 87 years old got married. Witnesses are describing the ceremony as beautiful and the honeymoon as horrifying.
Let me be the first to congratulate Mr. and Mrs. Seacrest. A 52-year-old woman is suing Victoria’s Secret over injuries she received from wearing a thong. I think the thong was just trying to defend itself. A top Starbucks executive resigned. He will receive a $120 million severance package or three lattes. Residents of a Romanian village decided to re-elect their dead mayor rather than elect the younger one running against him. When he heard about it, John McCain said, “That’s a good sign.” On “The View,” Barack Obama’s wife Michelle did the "fist-bump" with all the co-hosts, and then she said the fist-bump is “the new high-five.” After hearing this, John McCain asked, “What the hell is a high-five?” The latest rumor is now that Hillary Clinton lost the Democratic nomination, she’s going to divorce Bill Clinton. Hillary’s exact quote was, “Just because my dream didn’t come true doesn’t mean his shouldn’t.” Britney Spears says she’s going to move back to Louisiana for a month to help her 17 year-old sister raise her new baby. Britney says she’ll spend the first couple of days getting to know the baby — and the rest of the month teaching it to drive. Britney Spears’ sister, Jaime Lynn, gave birth to a baby girl. Which then gave birth to another baby girl. If ever there were a job for Super Nanny, this is it. And Spider-Nanny, and Bat Nanny . . . send them all in there. In California, Americans are flocking to Tijuana, Mexico to fill up their cars because gas is 50 percent cheaper there. Even better, the gas is free if you take two Mexicans home in your trunk.
THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Groveland, Florida, here is this week's top ten list...
Top Ten Signs Your Kids Hate You
10. Lots of "practical jokes" involving switching labels on your medication
9. Instead of jumping on bed to wake you up, they poke you with razor-sharp steel
8. For brunch, they take you to the Olive Garden (relax, losers, it's just a joke)
7. "A seatbelt, dad? Don't be a sissy"
6. You catch them training the dog to maul a photo of you
5. Only time you spend together is when they help you update your will
4. While you sleep, they shave "die" in your back hair
3. No Number 3 -- I was in line to see The Incredible Hulk
2. In family disputes, they always side with the pool boy
And the number one sign your kid hates you
1. You light the grill and it blows your ass to Polk County
THERE IS A GOD
While promoting her new film The Edge of Love, in which she appears nude, "I always bare my breasts ... It's not like it's only in this film!" She said that generally she hates love scenes where the woman is wearing a bra, so for Edge, the decision was "very simple" -- take it off. When does this movie come out?!
R.I.P.
Tim Russert: The bright side? Fresh organs for Big Russ.
Cyd Charisse: Her career peaked in 1976, when, after years of B-movie roles and unheralded hoofing, she was cast as President's Girl #4 in Won Ton Ton, The Dog Who Saved Hollywood. Look it up.
FLORIDA: AMERICA'S WANG
Handing her 8-month-old off to a store employee, a Family Dollar Store customer yanked hair out of the head of another woman in line, choked the woman's mother and chomped down on a police officer's finger Wednesday, according to an arrest report. The incident took place about 6 p.m. at the 2049 S. U.S. 1 store, according to the report. The suspect, Tiffany Mashae Brown of 16th Street, attacked the victims because she was irate about being directed to a different register than the one she started at. "Brown almost dropped her baby and started walking toward (another customer) while saying, 'I'm gonna kill you!'" according to the report. Brown hit the 34-year-old woman in the face and upper body and then scratched her face and pulled her hair so that blond strands littered the store. When the 53-year-old mother of the victim tried to stop the fight, Brown choked her and struck her in the face, according to the report. More news from around the state Brown bit the last victim, a Fort Pierce Police Department officer, when he struggled to detain her due to her large size -- 265 pounds, according to the report. The officer charged Brown with two counts of battery, one count of resisting arrest with violence and one count of battery on a law enforcement officer. Brown left the St. Lucie County Jail on Thursday after posting her $6,000 bond. The Police Department notified the Department of Children and Families about Brown's behavior, according to the report. It's usually the assholes who have 50 items in the express lane and insist on paying by check that piss me off...
NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS
The 18-year-old daughter of Prince Andrew, Duke of York, and Sarah Ferguson, was apprehended for her involvement in end of term "high jinks" at the exclusive Marlborough College, west of London, the UK Press Association said. A royal source told the Press Association, "It was nothing more than high jinks at the end of term in May. A group of them were reprimanded and that's the end of the matter." The tabloid Sun newspaper reported that a college staff member woke to playful shrieks and found several young women dancing around without clothes. It said there was no suggestion boys were present or that drugs were involved but claimed a pupil said the students had been drinking. Princess Eugenie, the sixth in line to the British throne, is studying art, history of art and English at the $46,000-a-year college, PA said. It said the princess was expected to be among guests celebrating the official birthday of Queen Elizabeth II on Saturday. A spokesman for the princess made no comment about the claims, PA reported. Damn, I cannot find a picture of this anywhere on the internet.
JUNE 20TH IN HISTORY
1756
In Calcutta, 146 British prisoners are placed in a 18 foot by 14 foot cell known as The Black Hole by a Bengali, Siraj-ud-daula, and held there until the following morning. Of those imprisoned, only 23 survive.
1782
Congress adopts the Great Seal of the United States. Although several people on the were Masons, the Masonic institutions themselves deny that the Seal is Masonic; therefore, any resemblance is purely coincidental. Of course.
1893
Lizzie Borden is found innocent of giving her stepmother and father forty and forty-one whacks, respectively.
1947
Bugsy Siegel is shot to death at Virginia Hill's mansion, on orders from Meyer Lansky. Siegel gets it twice in the face, and his right eyeball ends up on the dining room floor.
1993
Vince Foster, Deputy White House Counsel for President Clinton, apparently commits suicide with an unnumbered pistol at Fort Marcy Park in Virginia. Foster's empty briefcase later turns up at the White House. But after it is searched again, it is miraculously found to contain his suicide note.
POINTLESS LAWS ALL COMIC BOOK MOVIES FOLLOW
The Fifth Film Reboots the Franchise
It's the rare franchise that makes it to four films at all, so maybe just making it there is a badge of honor. Or, maybe not. The problem is each film in a superhero franchise has to keep topping the one before it, and by the time you reach film number four, it's very hard to keep from straying into the ridiculous. Therefore, by using Hollywood logic, if the previous film jumps the shark, the only way to repair the damage is by jumping the shark again, backwards, and continuing the series from a previous point, ignoring the movies that came in the middle. For instance, Superman IV had the distinction of proving all the critics wrong who claimed that no superhero movie could be worse than Superman III. It was bad enough that the studio shut down the Superman cash cow for almost two decades. So Superman Returns required a reboot for casting if nothing else, since Christopher Reeve suffered his horrible accident and eventually died, and Margot Kidder (Lois Lane) was certifiably insane, probably from the horrors of working on Superman IV. Also, actresses her age are generally not allowed to continue acting, so they replaced her with an actress young enough that, according to the film's timeline, she would have been a teenager when the original film took place.
Thus not a single actor from the original four movies appeared in the fifth, other than Marlon Brando, who was brought back from the dead specially for this film. The storyline presumably picks up sometime during the events from Superman II, specifically after Superman bonks Lois Lane (the rules and physics for alien-superhero intercourse will have to be covered in another article). Of course Superman IV didn't hold the title of worst superhero movie ever made for very long, as the fourth Batman film (Batman and Robin) came along to take the title, with the film makers trying to cram in so many villains, costumes and sets, the whole thing became a nightmarish mess. Thus when it came time for the fifth film reboot, the decision was made to pretend the entire first four movies never, ever happened. I guess what we're saying is if they make Blade IV next year, run far, far away from the theater. Then come back a few years later for the reboot. Also ... The fifth film reboot doesn't only apply to superhero movies, though maybe it should. The Rocky franchise got more and more inflated over the course of four films, culminating with Rocky, a legally retarded boxer, ending the Cold War. Stallone tried to do a "back to its gritty roots" reboot (twice) but the results were less than Batman Begins. And in case you thought there was no coming back from the fourth Karate Kid starring Hillary Swank, get ready for a Karate Kid reboot directed by Will Smith and starring his son Jaden. Seriously.
If the pattern holds, we should be due for gritty reboots of the Die Hard and Alien franchises any time now. Don't let us down, guys.
DOCTOR WHO
The Doctor and Donna are caught in the middle of an Agatha Christie murder mystery adventure. Literally. The British have always been proud of their history. This is evident in the excellent quality of most historical dramas done by the BBC. "Doctor Who", being a BBC production, has displayed this in spades having had the Doctor already meet two of their most famous writers in previous seasons (Charles Dickens and William Shakespeare). The tradition continues in this episode when the Doctor and Donna travel to England in 1926 and meet Agatha Christie in the midst of a set of murders. The writer of this episode, Gareth Roberts, has written a previous "Doctor Who" episode ("The Shakespeare Code") in which the Doctor meets Shakespeare. He has also written several "Doctor Who" novels, Big Finish audio plays and magazine articles. He co-wrote the pilot for the spin-off series "The Sarah Jane Adventures". If Steven Moffat is the best writer the show has to offer, Gareth Roberts is certainly a close second. Going against the tradition of a locked-door murder mysteries, this episode was intended to be light-hearted and fun (calling back to some William Hartnell "Doctor Who" episodes intended to be historical comedies, "The Myth Makers" and "The Gunfighters"). The team also intended to use the episode to solve a mystery about Agatha Christie's life. Agatha Christie actually did vanish for 11 days in 1929 with no memory of where she went. It was attributed to a breakdown resulting from her divorce from her first husband due to his infidelity. Naturally, a program like "Doctor Who" would create a more sinister, extra-terrestrial motive to spice things up.
There are numerous, subtle references to the works of Agatha Christie throughout the episode, hinting that this episode subconsciously influenced her future work. of them On a related note, the first episode of this season was titled "Partners In Crime" which is also the name of one of Agatha Christie's books. "Doctor Who" (and quite possibly the entire BBC production staff) is a small universe. In trying to remember where I had seen the actress playing Agatha Christie (Fenella Woolgar) before, I realized that she was in "Jekyll", a BBC mini-series written by future "Doctor Who" showrunner Steven Moffat. Actually, the episode deals with two separate mysteries. The first are the murders, which end up being performed by a wasp-like alien called a Vespiform which has taken on a human body. The second is the attempted theft of the Firestone necklace owned by Lady Clemency Eddison (played by Felicity Kendel) by a jewel thief known as the Unicorn. Roberts chose the title because it sounded like one that would have been used by Agatha Christie. I wonder if he wrote the plot around the title? "Doctor Who" is becoming dangerously self-referential. The episode contained callbacks to "The Shakespeare Code," "The Unquiet Dead," "The Runaway Bride." The Doctor takes out of his "C" chest the crystal ball containing the Carrionites from "The Shakespeare Code" as well as a Cyberman chest plate from "Rise of the Cybermen" and "The Age of Steel." Even the disappearing bees are mentioned again.
If anybody is curious about the "missing adventure" the Doctor was talking about while he was being interrogated which involved Charlemagne, the short story can be read on the BBC website. On another related note (literally), David Tennant's father had a non-speaking cameo in this episode as a footman. This episode was a fun, light-hearted romp and thoroughly enjoyable. Next week begins a two-parter written by Steven Moffat so expectations are sky high. I doubt it'll disappoint either.
GEEK TALK
Hancock recently, despite everybody and their mother predicting megabucks upon its July 4th weekend release. But there's at least this: in an apparent attempt to take after Iron Man, which did the same thing back in May, Hancock will be hitting some US theaters a few hours early. If you'd like, you'll be able to see the Will Smith superhero comedy -- which, by the way, finally got its PG-13 rating from the MPAA after wrestling with the dreaded R for a little while -- starting at 7 pm on July 1st, rather than the previously scheduled July 2nd.
Well, that's it for another entry of the Phile, phans. The next entry will be posted next Friday, but in the meantime I will be posting new pics on the Peverettphile Myspace page. Until then, spread the word, not the turd.
Republican Congressman Ron Paul has finally decided to suspend his presidential campaign. Paul said, “There comes a time when you realize that you have no chance to win, and that time was six months ago.” President Bush said that after he retires he wants to write a book. Bush said he’s not sure if it will be about politics or about his personal life, but he is sure it will be a pop-up book. Barack Obama’s staff and John McCain’s staff are busy negotiating when the Presidential debates will take place. Obama wants them to be in September — and McCain wants them to be after his nap, but before “Wheel of Fortune.” Barack Obama said that if becomes president he’d replace the White House bowling alley because it’s something he would never use. Apparently, this is the same reason President Bush got rid of the White House library.
This weekend, Barack Obama and Bill Clinton will be attending the same conference in Florida. Not surprisingly, the conference is sponsored by the National Association of Men Who’ve Been Attacked By Hillary Clinton. Gay marriage is now legal in California and yesterday, a lesbian couple who are 83 and 87 years old got married. Witnesses are describing the ceremony as beautiful and the honeymoon as horrifying.
Let me be the first to congratulate Mr. and Mrs. Seacrest. A 52-year-old woman is suing Victoria’s Secret over injuries she received from wearing a thong. I think the thong was just trying to defend itself. A top Starbucks executive resigned. He will receive a $120 million severance package or three lattes. Residents of a Romanian village decided to re-elect their dead mayor rather than elect the younger one running against him. When he heard about it, John McCain said, “That’s a good sign.” On “The View,” Barack Obama’s wife Michelle did the "fist-bump" with all the co-hosts, and then she said the fist-bump is “the new high-five.” After hearing this, John McCain asked, “What the hell is a high-five?” The latest rumor is now that Hillary Clinton lost the Democratic nomination, she’s going to divorce Bill Clinton. Hillary’s exact quote was, “Just because my dream didn’t come true doesn’t mean his shouldn’t.” Britney Spears says she’s going to move back to Louisiana for a month to help her 17 year-old sister raise her new baby. Britney says she’ll spend the first couple of days getting to know the baby — and the rest of the month teaching it to drive. Britney Spears’ sister, Jaime Lynn, gave birth to a baby girl. Which then gave birth to another baby girl. If ever there were a job for Super Nanny, this is it. And Spider-Nanny, and Bat Nanny . . . send them all in there. In California, Americans are flocking to Tijuana, Mexico to fill up their cars because gas is 50 percent cheaper there. Even better, the gas is free if you take two Mexicans home in your trunk.
THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Groveland, Florida, here is this week's top ten list...
Top Ten Signs Your Kids Hate You
10. Lots of "practical jokes" involving switching labels on your medication
9. Instead of jumping on bed to wake you up, they poke you with razor-sharp steel
8. For brunch, they take you to the Olive Garden (relax, losers, it's just a joke)
7. "A seatbelt, dad? Don't be a sissy"
6. You catch them training the dog to maul a photo of you
5. Only time you spend together is when they help you update your will
4. While you sleep, they shave "die" in your back hair
3. No Number 3 -- I was in line to see The Incredible Hulk
2. In family disputes, they always side with the pool boy
And the number one sign your kid hates you
1. You light the grill and it blows your ass to Polk County
THERE IS A GOD
While promoting her new film The Edge of Love, in which she appears nude, "I always bare my breasts ... It's not like it's only in this film!" She said that generally she hates love scenes where the woman is wearing a bra, so for Edge, the decision was "very simple" -- take it off. When does this movie come out?!
R.I.P.
Tim Russert: The bright side? Fresh organs for Big Russ.
Cyd Charisse: Her career peaked in 1976, when, after years of B-movie roles and unheralded hoofing, she was cast as President's Girl #4 in Won Ton Ton, The Dog Who Saved Hollywood. Look it up.
FLORIDA: AMERICA'S WANG
Handing her 8-month-old off to a store employee, a Family Dollar Store customer yanked hair out of the head of another woman in line, choked the woman's mother and chomped down on a police officer's finger Wednesday, according to an arrest report. The incident took place about 6 p.m. at the 2049 S. U.S. 1 store, according to the report. The suspect, Tiffany Mashae Brown of 16th Street, attacked the victims because she was irate about being directed to a different register than the one she started at. "Brown almost dropped her baby and started walking toward (another customer) while saying, 'I'm gonna kill you!'" according to the report. Brown hit the 34-year-old woman in the face and upper body and then scratched her face and pulled her hair so that blond strands littered the store. When the 53-year-old mother of the victim tried to stop the fight, Brown choked her and struck her in the face, according to the report. More news from around the state Brown bit the last victim, a Fort Pierce Police Department officer, when he struggled to detain her due to her large size -- 265 pounds, according to the report. The officer charged Brown with two counts of battery, one count of resisting arrest with violence and one count of battery on a law enforcement officer. Brown left the St. Lucie County Jail on Thursday after posting her $6,000 bond. The Police Department notified the Department of Children and Families about Brown's behavior, according to the report. It's usually the assholes who have 50 items in the express lane and insist on paying by check that piss me off...
NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS
The 18-year-old daughter of Prince Andrew, Duke of York, and Sarah Ferguson, was apprehended for her involvement in end of term "high jinks" at the exclusive Marlborough College, west of London, the UK Press Association said. A royal source told the Press Association, "It was nothing more than high jinks at the end of term in May. A group of them were reprimanded and that's the end of the matter." The tabloid Sun newspaper reported that a college staff member woke to playful shrieks and found several young women dancing around without clothes. It said there was no suggestion boys were present or that drugs were involved but claimed a pupil said the students had been drinking. Princess Eugenie, the sixth in line to the British throne, is studying art, history of art and English at the $46,000-a-year college, PA said. It said the princess was expected to be among guests celebrating the official birthday of Queen Elizabeth II on Saturday. A spokesman for the princess made no comment about the claims, PA reported. Damn, I cannot find a picture of this anywhere on the internet.
JUNE 20TH IN HISTORY
1756
In Calcutta, 146 British prisoners are placed in a 18 foot by 14 foot cell known as The Black Hole by a Bengali, Siraj-ud-daula, and held there until the following morning. Of those imprisoned, only 23 survive.
1782
Congress adopts the Great Seal of the United States. Although several people on the were Masons, the Masonic institutions themselves deny that the Seal is Masonic; therefore, any resemblance is purely coincidental. Of course.
1893
Lizzie Borden is found innocent of giving her stepmother and father forty and forty-one whacks, respectively.
1947
Bugsy Siegel is shot to death at Virginia Hill's mansion, on orders from Meyer Lansky. Siegel gets it twice in the face, and his right eyeball ends up on the dining room floor.
1993
Vince Foster, Deputy White House Counsel for President Clinton, apparently commits suicide with an unnumbered pistol at Fort Marcy Park in Virginia. Foster's empty briefcase later turns up at the White House. But after it is searched again, it is miraculously found to contain his suicide note.
POINTLESS LAWS ALL COMIC BOOK MOVIES FOLLOW
The Fifth Film Reboots the Franchise
It's the rare franchise that makes it to four films at all, so maybe just making it there is a badge of honor. Or, maybe not. The problem is each film in a superhero franchise has to keep topping the one before it, and by the time you reach film number four, it's very hard to keep from straying into the ridiculous. Therefore, by using Hollywood logic, if the previous film jumps the shark, the only way to repair the damage is by jumping the shark again, backwards, and continuing the series from a previous point, ignoring the movies that came in the middle. For instance, Superman IV had the distinction of proving all the critics wrong who claimed that no superhero movie could be worse than Superman III. It was bad enough that the studio shut down the Superman cash cow for almost two decades. So Superman Returns required a reboot for casting if nothing else, since Christopher Reeve suffered his horrible accident and eventually died, and Margot Kidder (Lois Lane) was certifiably insane, probably from the horrors of working on Superman IV. Also, actresses her age are generally not allowed to continue acting, so they replaced her with an actress young enough that, according to the film's timeline, she would have been a teenager when the original film took place.
Thus not a single actor from the original four movies appeared in the fifth, other than Marlon Brando, who was brought back from the dead specially for this film. The storyline presumably picks up sometime during the events from Superman II, specifically after Superman bonks Lois Lane (the rules and physics for alien-superhero intercourse will have to be covered in another article). Of course Superman IV didn't hold the title of worst superhero movie ever made for very long, as the fourth Batman film (Batman and Robin) came along to take the title, with the film makers trying to cram in so many villains, costumes and sets, the whole thing became a nightmarish mess. Thus when it came time for the fifth film reboot, the decision was made to pretend the entire first four movies never, ever happened. I guess what we're saying is if they make Blade IV next year, run far, far away from the theater. Then come back a few years later for the reboot. Also ... The fifth film reboot doesn't only apply to superhero movies, though maybe it should. The Rocky franchise got more and more inflated over the course of four films, culminating with Rocky, a legally retarded boxer, ending the Cold War. Stallone tried to do a "back to its gritty roots" reboot (twice) but the results were less than Batman Begins. And in case you thought there was no coming back from the fourth Karate Kid starring Hillary Swank, get ready for a Karate Kid reboot directed by Will Smith and starring his son Jaden. Seriously.
If the pattern holds, we should be due for gritty reboots of the Die Hard and Alien franchises any time now. Don't let us down, guys.
DOCTOR WHO
The Doctor and Donna are caught in the middle of an Agatha Christie murder mystery adventure. Literally. The British have always been proud of their history. This is evident in the excellent quality of most historical dramas done by the BBC. "Doctor Who", being a BBC production, has displayed this in spades having had the Doctor already meet two of their most famous writers in previous seasons (Charles Dickens and William Shakespeare). The tradition continues in this episode when the Doctor and Donna travel to England in 1926 and meet Agatha Christie in the midst of a set of murders. The writer of this episode, Gareth Roberts, has written a previous "Doctor Who" episode ("The Shakespeare Code") in which the Doctor meets Shakespeare. He has also written several "Doctor Who" novels, Big Finish audio plays and magazine articles. He co-wrote the pilot for the spin-off series "The Sarah Jane Adventures". If Steven Moffat is the best writer the show has to offer, Gareth Roberts is certainly a close second. Going against the tradition of a locked-door murder mysteries, this episode was intended to be light-hearted and fun (calling back to some William Hartnell "Doctor Who" episodes intended to be historical comedies, "The Myth Makers" and "The Gunfighters"). The team also intended to use the episode to solve a mystery about Agatha Christie's life. Agatha Christie actually did vanish for 11 days in 1929 with no memory of where she went. It was attributed to a breakdown resulting from her divorce from her first husband due to his infidelity. Naturally, a program like "Doctor Who" would create a more sinister, extra-terrestrial motive to spice things up.
There are numerous, subtle references to the works of Agatha Christie throughout the episode, hinting that this episode subconsciously influenced her future work. of them On a related note, the first episode of this season was titled "Partners In Crime" which is also the name of one of Agatha Christie's books. "Doctor Who" (and quite possibly the entire BBC production staff) is a small universe. In trying to remember where I had seen the actress playing Agatha Christie (Fenella Woolgar) before, I realized that she was in "Jekyll", a BBC mini-series written by future "Doctor Who" showrunner Steven Moffat. Actually, the episode deals with two separate mysteries. The first are the murders, which end up being performed by a wasp-like alien called a Vespiform which has taken on a human body. The second is the attempted theft of the Firestone necklace owned by Lady Clemency Eddison (played by Felicity Kendel) by a jewel thief known as the Unicorn. Roberts chose the title because it sounded like one that would have been used by Agatha Christie. I wonder if he wrote the plot around the title? "Doctor Who" is becoming dangerously self-referential. The episode contained callbacks to "The Shakespeare Code," "The Unquiet Dead," "The Runaway Bride." The Doctor takes out of his "C" chest the crystal ball containing the Carrionites from "The Shakespeare Code" as well as a Cyberman chest plate from "Rise of the Cybermen" and "The Age of Steel." Even the disappearing bees are mentioned again.
If anybody is curious about the "missing adventure" the Doctor was talking about while he was being interrogated which involved Charlemagne, the short story can be read on the BBC website. On another related note (literally), David Tennant's father had a non-speaking cameo in this episode as a footman. This episode was a fun, light-hearted romp and thoroughly enjoyable. Next week begins a two-parter written by Steven Moffat so expectations are sky high. I doubt it'll disappoint either.
GEEK TALK
Hancock recently, despite everybody and their mother predicting megabucks upon its July 4th weekend release. But there's at least this: in an apparent attempt to take after Iron Man, which did the same thing back in May, Hancock will be hitting some US theaters a few hours early. If you'd like, you'll be able to see the Will Smith superhero comedy -- which, by the way, finally got its PG-13 rating from the MPAA after wrestling with the dreaded R for a little while -- starting at 7 pm on July 1st, rather than the previously scheduled July 2nd.
Well, that's it for another entry of the Phile, phans. The next entry will be posted next Friday, but in the meantime I will be posting new pics on the Peverettphile Myspace page. Until then, spread the word, not the turd.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Save Gas: Ride The Handicapped
Hello, and welcome to the latest entry of the Phile. I am your host, The Incredible Sulk. This blog is not fixed, unlike NBA basketball games. So, how is everyone? Tomorrow Logan and I are going to Disney's Hollywood Studios for Star Wars Weekends. I heard for women this year they have an OBIE-GYN. They’re turning Al Gore’s Inconvenient Truth into an opera. Al Gore . . . an opera . . . cut me a slice of that! Sen. Larry Craig from Idaho has written his memoir. He’s having a book signing at the Barnes & Noble men’s room. It looks like the presidential election is finally down to two people — Barack Obama and John McCain. An article recently said that the two have very different visions of the world. The biggest difference is that John McCain’s vision makes it impossible for him to drive at night. Political experts are saying that Barack Obama is hesitant to name Hillary Clinton his vice president because he is unsure of the role Bill Clinton would want to play. Bill says he’s comfortable playing many roles including boss interviewing secretary, pizza guy surprising housewife . . . he doesn’t care. A high school in Ohio passed out over 300 diplomas last week, and on the diploma, the word education was spelled wrong. Officials say the misprint should not harm the reputation of George W. Bush High School. Last weekend, we Peverett's went to see Kung Fu Panda. Jack Black plays the panda. They couldn’t be more different, of course, one is an adorable furry critter you just want to hug . . . and the other is the panda. Pandas are interesting — 99 percent of the panda’s food is bamboo. The other 1 percent are people who think it’s OK to pet the panda. Pandas don’t need kung fu — they’re hardened fighters. That’s why they always have black eyes. For the first time ever, the national average price for a gallon of gas is over $4. Which explains the new nickname for gas — “Starbucks for your car.” Big changes in Cuba. Cuba is now offering free sex changes. In a related story, Clay Aiken was seen building a raft. A spokesman for United Arab Emirates Airlines says this summer it will launch nonstop flights from the U.S. to Dubai. The spokesman said, “We want to give Americans a chance to visit their money.” NASA has announced plans to send a probe to orbit the sun — where it will be forced to withstand temperatures of 1,400 degrees Fahrenheit. When he heard about it, President Bush said: “Why don’t they just go at night?” According to MSNBC, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have consulted a psychic about the birth of their twin girls. The psychic predicted Brad and Angelina’s twin girls will grow up to be very hot. A new study just came out, it says that most computer-support workers would take a pay cut to work from home. Their exact quote was, “We miss living in India.” So, Sunday is Father's Day. I want what every other father wants: a nude picture of Barbara Walters.
THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Gainesville, Florida, here is this week's top ten list...
Top Ten Signs Your Summer Camp Counselor Is Nuts
10. Tries to start campfire by rubbing two sticks of gum together
9. Adamant that the camp's customary anthem be replaced by the theme to "Sanford and Son"
8. Two words: Calamine smoothies
7. Instead of using sunblock, he rubs mashed potatoes all over his body
6. Spends more time talking to the squirrels than the campers
5. First arts and crafts project: How to roll your own cigarettes
4. Organized a scavenger hunt in his pants
3. Wants you to hunt for the crystal skull
2. Teaches you to build traps for that thing on Donald Trump's head
And the number one sign your summer camp counselor is nuts...
1. Shows kids how to waterboard their tentmates
R.I.P.
Jim McKay: He's all gone.
JUNE 13TH IN HISTORY
1886
The bodies of Bavaria's mad King Ludwig II and his physician, Dr. Gudden, are discovered floating face-down in Lake Starnberg. The recently-deposed monarch had been under house arrest ever since his uncle, Prince Luitpold von Bayern, staged a coup a few days earlier.
1920
The United States Postal Service rules that children may not be sent via Parcel Post.
1934
Two months before becoming Fuhrer, Hitler meets Mussolini in Venice. Unfortunately, Mussolini refuses to have an interpreter and his German is not good, so neither man can understand the other. Unimpressed, Mussolini gathers a general impression of the German as "a silly little monkey."
1944
The Third Reich fires eleven V-1 flying bombs at England from France. Only four of the Buzzbombs actually strike London, but the Germans will eventually follow that up with another 9,000.
1962
Three convicts -- Frank Lee Morris and the brothers Anglin -- escape from Alcatraz island in a rowboat made out of raincoats. They are the only prisoners believed to have successfully escaped.
1971
Next to the White House wedding photo of President Nixon's daughter Tricia, the New York Times runs its first story on the "Pentagon Papers," a top secret DoD analysis authored by the RAND Corporation detailing every mistake and deception made during the 30-year history of the Vietnam War. Attorney General John Mitchell manages to block any further publication of the embarrassing documents, but the court order is countermanded two weeks later in a Supreme Court decision.
1981
During the Trooping the Colour ceremony, a 17-year-old fires six blanks from a revolver at Queen Elizabeth II, startling her horse. Marcus Sargeant is later sentenced to five years imprisonment for the offense.
1985
Mailroom workers discover a bomb inside a suspicious parcel at Boeing, Inc.'s Fabrication Division in Auburn, Washington. After the police bomb squad disarms it, investigators discover the initials "FC" stamped on both caps, making it the first explosive device recovered intact from the Unabomber.
POINTLESS LAES ALL COMIC BOOK MOVIES FOLLOW
A Villain Must Redeem Himself
Everyone loves to see a good redemption story, so an easy way to engage the audience's emotions is with a villain who suddenly has a change of heart. We believe this method of storytelling was invented by the world of professional wrestling.
So we have Eve Teschmacher helping Superman in the first film, Mystique turning into a government informant in X-Men 3 and Dr. Octopus sacrificing his life in Spider-Man 2. But one film in particular has taken this rule to dizzying extremes: Spider-Man 3. First, you've got Harry Osborn. In the first film, he's a pitiful character, ignored by his father and gradually losing his girlfriend. In part two, he's a drunk, a jerk and vengeful maniac. In the third installment, he gains redemption by riding to Spider-Man's rescue and sacrificing his life in the process. But on top of all that you have Sandman, who goes through a similar series of steps, but solely within the third film. He gets pity banked in the beginning of the film through the manipulative use of a sick young daughter, does several dastardly deeds and then does an abrupt heel turn right at the end by apologizing to Spider-Man and sobbing like a little bitch. This seems to set off a chain reaction that has all of the characters in the film spending the last 10 minutes of screen time sobbing. Also ... There is about a 40 percent chance that the "redemption" will turn out to be part of the villain's hidden plan. You had Lex Luthor pretending to help Superman in Superman 2, then Magneto and Mystique temporarily helping the X-Men in part two before taking advantage of the situation for their own agenda. So that satisfies the audience's other emotional need, which is to believe that bad people are bad and we should never trust their attempts to be anything else.
DOCTOR WHO
The Doctor gives birth to a daughter. And he didn't even get any snu-snu out of it.
A quick synopsis: The TARDIS suddenly dematerializes unexpectedly before Doctor Martha Jones has a chance to leave and finds itself on the planet Messaline in the year 6012. There is a generations-long war between the two occupying races, the humans and an alien race called the Hath. It turns out that the humans replenish their soldiers using advanced cloning technology. After sticking the Doctor's hand in a progenation machine, a full-grown female clone (later named "Jenny", short for Generated Anomaly) emerges within seconds. The humans and the Hath are fighting over something called "The Source" and the episode becomes a race to get to the Source first. Things get more complicated when Martha is taken captive by the Hath and then befriends one of them. Georgia Moffett, who plays Jenny, along with being extremely cute, is the real-life daughter of Peter Davison, the 5th actor to play the Doctor on television. He also recently co-starred with Tennant for the Children In Need special "Time Crash". Originally, Jenny's character wasn't going to survive. Her "regeneration" at the endwas the idea of future showrunner Steven Moffat. It wouldn't surprise me if she was being developed as a future companion for our erstwhile Time Lord, or possibly even as a replacement for the main character himself (he's not getting any younger, you know). The use of Martha for this episode seemed unnecessary. The story may even have been more interesting if Martha's character was eliminated and Donna took her place, thereby having the Doctor and Donna on opposite sides of a war. However, there was that pesky three-episode contract to deal with (although she will be appearing again before the end of the season). Plus, the more Martha is associated with "Doctor Who", the more accepting the audience will be if/when she becomes a regular cast member on "Torchwood". This episode represented one of the rare times the setting of the adventure have been on an alien world. Usually the episodes up until now have been fairly Earth-centric (and usually the ones set on Earth get better ratings). The landscapes used a gothic swamp motif that came across very well. The episode itself was somewhat slow moving and kind of dull. I would have preferred more interaction between the Doctor and his daughter, but the ending left the possibility of that in the future. Donna seemed almost unused, although her deductions were responsible for a major plot point. This is the second time this season her skills as a temp have moved the plot forward. The episode touched upon the Doctor's family history. The fact that he had been a father once was mentioned in a few episodes of the new series previously. Anybody who has watched it since the beginning knows that originally, in the William Hartnell years, the Doctor was travelling with his granddaughter Susan (although whether he's her biological grandfather or the title is used as an honorific is still subject to debate). Family has been a huge theme of Russell T. Davies' tenure on "Doctor Who". This is most easily seen in the fact that the family relationships of all the companions are central to the show. It did seem somewhat redundant after the Sontaran two-parter that this episode focused on cloning as a plot point. I wonder if the two events are related? Perhaps they got the cloning technology from the leftovers from the attempted Sontaran invasion. The UNIT logo is seen in the background at one point in the episode.It also seemed kind of silly that the reason the TARDIS went to Messaline in the first place was the very event that it caused. Time-travel paradoxes can be such a headache.
I like how the ending mirrored the beginning of the Doctor's own adventures. Jenny steals a spacecraft and goes to explore the universe. Checking the credits, two of the Hath are named Peck and Gable. This is likely a reference to legendary screen actors Gregory Peck and Clark Gable. Overall, a decent if not great episode. The writing itself seemed subpar but the possibilities of the Doctor having yet another offspring are tremendous. They could very well spin Jenny off into her own series.
GEEK TALK
He's portrayed a few iconic characters, including Shakespeare's Romeo and Howard Hughes, but could Leonardo DiCaprio be taken seriously as an iconic superhero? Specifically the Sentinel of Liberty -- Captain America? According to Latino Review (a site well-known and typically respected for its accuracy with rumors of this sort), Marvel Studios has placed Leo on the top of their list of candidates for the role. Of course, there's been no offer made yet, and this is simply the same sort of wish list we heard about for Thor (Brad Pitt is the top of that list), so there's no need to get crazy over the possibility ... yet. Speaking of Pitt, Marvel apparently has placed him as second on their list for Cap. They either want him for The First Avenger: Captain America or Thor. Maybe they'll even offer him the roles of Ant-Man and everyone else in The Avengers (it would be like this, but with Pitt playing all the roles instead of Johnny Depp). There's no mention of who is #3. It could be Matthew McConaughey, who was rumored to be considered before. Or, it could be George Washington. Yes, the real G.W., first President of the United States. Not only is he perfectly relevant for the part, but I think Marvel has as good a chance of casting him as they do of casting Leo. It's not that I think Leo is too busy to take on a comic book movie. I just think the prospect of playing Cap might give him the better (to Hollywood, not to me) idea for that Titanic sequel they all wish could be made: Jack's been frozen all these years, and now he's back, and he and Rose get to start over again. They would look like Harold and Maude, but really there'd be no technical age difference. Again, a silly idea, but not as silly as Leonardo DiCaprio in red, white and blue tights.
MOVIE BUZZ
Iron Man 2
Terrance Howard has blabbed that the sequel will begin shooting next March for an early 2010 release date. But on his MySpace page, Jon Favreau wrote that that is way too early. He typed that while sipping a margarita in the Bahamas, where he's "busy" enjoying his fat back-end paycheck from the first film.
Miracle at St. Anna
The first poster for Spike Lee's new WWII drama doesn't show any of the African-American Army men who star in the film but focuses on a young Italian boy. Clint Eastwood said only a panty-waisted loser would make a war poster without any soldiers on it.
Religulous
In the first trailer for his religion-mocking documentary, Bill Maher makes fun of some guy for believing in God but not Santa Claus. It should be noted that Bill still harbors a mad crush on the Tooth Fairy.
25/8
On the set of Wes Craven's new horror flick, a fan uploaded two set videos that show an ambulance racing through the woods, flipping over and bursting into flames. Oh well, that's the kind of service you get when you call an HMO.
Untitled Horror Movie
A new VH1 reality show called "Scream Queens" will test actresses' vocal chords and pick the star of a new horror film from Lionsgate. Sucrets throat lozenges will sponsor the program.
JEN, LOGAN AND I GO TO THE MOVIES
Kung Fu Panda
Starring Voices of Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Seth Rogen, Lucy Liu, Jackie Chan, and Ian McShane. A kung fu-obsessed, steamed-dumplings and almond-cookie-devouring panda finds himself mistakenly chosen to be the "Dragon Warrior." It'll be his job to save his home from the unstoppable power and wrath of the vengeful tiger Tai Lung. Hey, Pixar, they're gaining on you. This one finally cracks the secret code: endearingly sweet, memorable characters and a distinct lack of sarcastic dialogue and pop-culture-fried one-liners that date a movie faster than someone yelling "Who let the dogs out!" Also? Major toy tie-in possibilities. This could be bigger than Cars. Black is surprisingly un-annoying. His wild-eyed demeanor can beat you down sometimes. But he's learned how to direct his energy into a voice performance without crushing the character under the weight of his wacky delivery. And man, I love Jolie's voice. Okay, here is why it's PG: Bloodless, Looney Tunes-esque kung fu action. And it's not even in the same league as the insane violence of Prince Caspian, which was also rated PG. There's also the mildest of semi-adult language in one scene, where Black talks about how his kung fu "sucked."
I give it a 7, Logan loved it 'cause there was fighting and Jen gave it a 4.
LOGAN AND I GO TO THE MOVIES
The Increbible Hulk
Starring Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, William Hurt, and Tim Roth. Hulk come back for smash more. Hulk run from bad government. Then smash. Hulk girlfriend look more like Liv Tyler than Jennifer Connelly. Still pretty to Hulk and love him. Bad man turn into Abomination. Fight Hulk. More smash. Tony Stark make cameo. Him smartass. Hulk no smash. I can forgive this for being less awesome than Iron Man because it kind of has no choice. Bruce Banner is nowhere near as cool a dude as Tony Stark in his non-superhero form. He's just a tormented nerd. So where Robert Downey Jr. struts around and makes you like his jerkness, Norton is all head-in-the-hands and broody — the way Norton is in almost every movie he's in. Anyway, it's also much more coherent than the first Hulk, because it wants to please you instead of wanting to be art. And when it's summertime, and you're just looking for a little destruction, that's plenty. Nerd-gasms abound, phhans. You want Bill Bixby stuff? Lou Ferrigno stuff? All that other stuff that only you and the other millions of Comic-Con attendees know about? It's here. Commence arguing on the message boards. Tyler takes the thankless role of Female Lead and makes you actually feel her separation anxiety from Banner. Maybe she got to sit in the editing room and make sure her part wasn't shaved down to nothing. What;s next is an eventual Avengers movie, of course. That's why Stark shows up, so they can make more movies and build new franchises. Why not? Logan was bored except when the Hulk was in it, and I kept on thinking, "Okay, the better be good." I give it a 7.
That's it, phans, another entry of the Phile. Next week's entry will be posted on Phriday again. Until then, spread the word, not the turd. I'll leave you with some words from that sick bastard children's author Shel Silverstein: Oh, I'm being eaten
By a boa constrictor, A boa constrictor, A boa constrictor, I'm being eaten by a boa constrictor, And I don't like it--one bit.
THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Gainesville, Florida, here is this week's top ten list...
Top Ten Signs Your Summer Camp Counselor Is Nuts
10. Tries to start campfire by rubbing two sticks of gum together
9. Adamant that the camp's customary anthem be replaced by the theme to "Sanford and Son"
8. Two words: Calamine smoothies
7. Instead of using sunblock, he rubs mashed potatoes all over his body
6. Spends more time talking to the squirrels than the campers
5. First arts and crafts project: How to roll your own cigarettes
4. Organized a scavenger hunt in his pants
3. Wants you to hunt for the crystal skull
2. Teaches you to build traps for that thing on Donald Trump's head
And the number one sign your summer camp counselor is nuts...
1. Shows kids how to waterboard their tentmates
R.I.P.
Jim McKay: He's all gone.
JUNE 13TH IN HISTORY
1886
The bodies of Bavaria's mad King Ludwig II and his physician, Dr. Gudden, are discovered floating face-down in Lake Starnberg. The recently-deposed monarch had been under house arrest ever since his uncle, Prince Luitpold von Bayern, staged a coup a few days earlier.
1920
The United States Postal Service rules that children may not be sent via Parcel Post.
1934
Two months before becoming Fuhrer, Hitler meets Mussolini in Venice. Unfortunately, Mussolini refuses to have an interpreter and his German is not good, so neither man can understand the other. Unimpressed, Mussolini gathers a general impression of the German as "a silly little monkey."
1944
The Third Reich fires eleven V-1 flying bombs at England from France. Only four of the Buzzbombs actually strike London, but the Germans will eventually follow that up with another 9,000.
1962
Three convicts -- Frank Lee Morris and the brothers Anglin -- escape from Alcatraz island in a rowboat made out of raincoats. They are the only prisoners believed to have successfully escaped.
1971
Next to the White House wedding photo of President Nixon's daughter Tricia, the New York Times runs its first story on the "Pentagon Papers," a top secret DoD analysis authored by the RAND Corporation detailing every mistake and deception made during the 30-year history of the Vietnam War. Attorney General John Mitchell manages to block any further publication of the embarrassing documents, but the court order is countermanded two weeks later in a Supreme Court decision.
1981
During the Trooping the Colour ceremony, a 17-year-old fires six blanks from a revolver at Queen Elizabeth II, startling her horse. Marcus Sargeant is later sentenced to five years imprisonment for the offense.
1985
Mailroom workers discover a bomb inside a suspicious parcel at Boeing, Inc.'s Fabrication Division in Auburn, Washington. After the police bomb squad disarms it, investigators discover the initials "FC" stamped on both caps, making it the first explosive device recovered intact from the Unabomber.
POINTLESS LAES ALL COMIC BOOK MOVIES FOLLOW
A Villain Must Redeem Himself
Everyone loves to see a good redemption story, so an easy way to engage the audience's emotions is with a villain who suddenly has a change of heart. We believe this method of storytelling was invented by the world of professional wrestling.
So we have Eve Teschmacher helping Superman in the first film, Mystique turning into a government informant in X-Men 3 and Dr. Octopus sacrificing his life in Spider-Man 2. But one film in particular has taken this rule to dizzying extremes: Spider-Man 3. First, you've got Harry Osborn. In the first film, he's a pitiful character, ignored by his father and gradually losing his girlfriend. In part two, he's a drunk, a jerk and vengeful maniac. In the third installment, he gains redemption by riding to Spider-Man's rescue and sacrificing his life in the process. But on top of all that you have Sandman, who goes through a similar series of steps, but solely within the third film. He gets pity banked in the beginning of the film through the manipulative use of a sick young daughter, does several dastardly deeds and then does an abrupt heel turn right at the end by apologizing to Spider-Man and sobbing like a little bitch. This seems to set off a chain reaction that has all of the characters in the film spending the last 10 minutes of screen time sobbing. Also ... There is about a 40 percent chance that the "redemption" will turn out to be part of the villain's hidden plan. You had Lex Luthor pretending to help Superman in Superman 2, then Magneto and Mystique temporarily helping the X-Men in part two before taking advantage of the situation for their own agenda. So that satisfies the audience's other emotional need, which is to believe that bad people are bad and we should never trust their attempts to be anything else.
DOCTOR WHO
The Doctor gives birth to a daughter. And he didn't even get any snu-snu out of it.
A quick synopsis: The TARDIS suddenly dematerializes unexpectedly before Doctor Martha Jones has a chance to leave and finds itself on the planet Messaline in the year 6012. There is a generations-long war between the two occupying races, the humans and an alien race called the Hath. It turns out that the humans replenish their soldiers using advanced cloning technology. After sticking the Doctor's hand in a progenation machine, a full-grown female clone (later named "Jenny", short for Generated Anomaly) emerges within seconds. The humans and the Hath are fighting over something called "The Source" and the episode becomes a race to get to the Source first. Things get more complicated when Martha is taken captive by the Hath and then befriends one of them. Georgia Moffett, who plays Jenny, along with being extremely cute, is the real-life daughter of Peter Davison, the 5th actor to play the Doctor on television. He also recently co-starred with Tennant for the Children In Need special "Time Crash". Originally, Jenny's character wasn't going to survive. Her "regeneration" at the endwas the idea of future showrunner Steven Moffat. It wouldn't surprise me if she was being developed as a future companion for our erstwhile Time Lord, or possibly even as a replacement for the main character himself (he's not getting any younger, you know). The use of Martha for this episode seemed unnecessary. The story may even have been more interesting if Martha's character was eliminated and Donna took her place, thereby having the Doctor and Donna on opposite sides of a war. However, there was that pesky three-episode contract to deal with (although she will be appearing again before the end of the season). Plus, the more Martha is associated with "Doctor Who", the more accepting the audience will be if/when she becomes a regular cast member on "Torchwood". This episode represented one of the rare times the setting of the adventure have been on an alien world. Usually the episodes up until now have been fairly Earth-centric (and usually the ones set on Earth get better ratings). The landscapes used a gothic swamp motif that came across very well. The episode itself was somewhat slow moving and kind of dull. I would have preferred more interaction between the Doctor and his daughter, but the ending left the possibility of that in the future. Donna seemed almost unused, although her deductions were responsible for a major plot point. This is the second time this season her skills as a temp have moved the plot forward. The episode touched upon the Doctor's family history. The fact that he had been a father once was mentioned in a few episodes of the new series previously. Anybody who has watched it since the beginning knows that originally, in the William Hartnell years, the Doctor was travelling with his granddaughter Susan (although whether he's her biological grandfather or the title is used as an honorific is still subject to debate). Family has been a huge theme of Russell T. Davies' tenure on "Doctor Who". This is most easily seen in the fact that the family relationships of all the companions are central to the show. It did seem somewhat redundant after the Sontaran two-parter that this episode focused on cloning as a plot point. I wonder if the two events are related? Perhaps they got the cloning technology from the leftovers from the attempted Sontaran invasion. The UNIT logo is seen in the background at one point in the episode.It also seemed kind of silly that the reason the TARDIS went to Messaline in the first place was the very event that it caused. Time-travel paradoxes can be such a headache.
I like how the ending mirrored the beginning of the Doctor's own adventures. Jenny steals a spacecraft and goes to explore the universe. Checking the credits, two of the Hath are named Peck and Gable. This is likely a reference to legendary screen actors Gregory Peck and Clark Gable. Overall, a decent if not great episode. The writing itself seemed subpar but the possibilities of the Doctor having yet another offspring are tremendous. They could very well spin Jenny off into her own series.
GEEK TALK
He's portrayed a few iconic characters, including Shakespeare's Romeo and Howard Hughes, but could Leonardo DiCaprio be taken seriously as an iconic superhero? Specifically the Sentinel of Liberty -- Captain America? According to Latino Review (a site well-known and typically respected for its accuracy with rumors of this sort), Marvel Studios has placed Leo on the top of their list of candidates for the role. Of course, there's been no offer made yet, and this is simply the same sort of wish list we heard about for Thor (Brad Pitt is the top of that list), so there's no need to get crazy over the possibility ... yet. Speaking of Pitt, Marvel apparently has placed him as second on their list for Cap. They either want him for The First Avenger: Captain America or Thor. Maybe they'll even offer him the roles of Ant-Man and everyone else in The Avengers (it would be like this, but with Pitt playing all the roles instead of Johnny Depp). There's no mention of who is #3. It could be Matthew McConaughey, who was rumored to be considered before. Or, it could be George Washington. Yes, the real G.W., first President of the United States. Not only is he perfectly relevant for the part, but I think Marvel has as good a chance of casting him as they do of casting Leo. It's not that I think Leo is too busy to take on a comic book movie. I just think the prospect of playing Cap might give him the better (to Hollywood, not to me) idea for that Titanic sequel they all wish could be made: Jack's been frozen all these years, and now he's back, and he and Rose get to start over again. They would look like Harold and Maude, but really there'd be no technical age difference. Again, a silly idea, but not as silly as Leonardo DiCaprio in red, white and blue tights.
MOVIE BUZZ
Iron Man 2
Terrance Howard has blabbed that the sequel will begin shooting next March for an early 2010 release date. But on his MySpace page, Jon Favreau wrote that that is way too early. He typed that while sipping a margarita in the Bahamas, where he's "busy" enjoying his fat back-end paycheck from the first film.
Miracle at St. Anna
The first poster for Spike Lee's new WWII drama doesn't show any of the African-American Army men who star in the film but focuses on a young Italian boy. Clint Eastwood said only a panty-waisted loser would make a war poster without any soldiers on it.
Religulous
In the first trailer for his religion-mocking documentary, Bill Maher makes fun of some guy for believing in God but not Santa Claus. It should be noted that Bill still harbors a mad crush on the Tooth Fairy.
25/8
On the set of Wes Craven's new horror flick, a fan uploaded two set videos that show an ambulance racing through the woods, flipping over and bursting into flames. Oh well, that's the kind of service you get when you call an HMO.
Untitled Horror Movie
A new VH1 reality show called "Scream Queens" will test actresses' vocal chords and pick the star of a new horror film from Lionsgate. Sucrets throat lozenges will sponsor the program.
JEN, LOGAN AND I GO TO THE MOVIES
Kung Fu Panda
Starring Voices of Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Seth Rogen, Lucy Liu, Jackie Chan, and Ian McShane. A kung fu-obsessed, steamed-dumplings and almond-cookie-devouring panda finds himself mistakenly chosen to be the "Dragon Warrior." It'll be his job to save his home from the unstoppable power and wrath of the vengeful tiger Tai Lung. Hey, Pixar, they're gaining on you. This one finally cracks the secret code: endearingly sweet, memorable characters and a distinct lack of sarcastic dialogue and pop-culture-fried one-liners that date a movie faster than someone yelling "Who let the dogs out!" Also? Major toy tie-in possibilities. This could be bigger than Cars. Black is surprisingly un-annoying. His wild-eyed demeanor can beat you down sometimes. But he's learned how to direct his energy into a voice performance without crushing the character under the weight of his wacky delivery. And man, I love Jolie's voice. Okay, here is why it's PG: Bloodless, Looney Tunes-esque kung fu action. And it's not even in the same league as the insane violence of Prince Caspian, which was also rated PG. There's also the mildest of semi-adult language in one scene, where Black talks about how his kung fu "sucked."
I give it a 7, Logan loved it 'cause there was fighting and Jen gave it a 4.
LOGAN AND I GO TO THE MOVIES
The Increbible Hulk
Starring Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, William Hurt, and Tim Roth. Hulk come back for smash more. Hulk run from bad government. Then smash. Hulk girlfriend look more like Liv Tyler than Jennifer Connelly. Still pretty to Hulk and love him. Bad man turn into Abomination. Fight Hulk. More smash. Tony Stark make cameo. Him smartass. Hulk no smash. I can forgive this for being less awesome than Iron Man because it kind of has no choice. Bruce Banner is nowhere near as cool a dude as Tony Stark in his non-superhero form. He's just a tormented nerd. So where Robert Downey Jr. struts around and makes you like his jerkness, Norton is all head-in-the-hands and broody — the way Norton is in almost every movie he's in. Anyway, it's also much more coherent than the first Hulk, because it wants to please you instead of wanting to be art. And when it's summertime, and you're just looking for a little destruction, that's plenty. Nerd-gasms abound, phhans. You want Bill Bixby stuff? Lou Ferrigno stuff? All that other stuff that only you and the other millions of Comic-Con attendees know about? It's here. Commence arguing on the message boards. Tyler takes the thankless role of Female Lead and makes you actually feel her separation anxiety from Banner. Maybe she got to sit in the editing room and make sure her part wasn't shaved down to nothing. What;s next is an eventual Avengers movie, of course. That's why Stark shows up, so they can make more movies and build new franchises. Why not? Logan was bored except when the Hulk was in it, and I kept on thinking, "Okay, the better be good." I give it a 7.
That's it, phans, another entry of the Phile. Next week's entry will be posted on Phriday again. Until then, spread the word, not the turd. I'll leave you with some words from that sick bastard children's author Shel Silverstein: Oh, I'm being eaten
By a boa constrictor, A boa constrictor, A boa constrictor, I'm being eaten by a boa constrictor, And I don't like it--one bit.
Friday, June 6, 2008
I Enjoy Entertainment
Welcome to the Phile, a Phriday edition as I worked late yesterday. So, how are you? Star Wars Weekends started today at Disney's Hollywood Studios, but like I said before I am not working it, which sucks, as this year they are offering Han Jobs. Sex and the City — the No. 1 movie in the country. Here’s the breakdown of the people who went to see it: 5 million women and one male flight attendant named Gary. President Bush’s former press secretary wrote a book. In his new book, President Bush’s former press secretary said that Bush has a “lack of inquisitiveness.” When he heard this, Bush said, “I don’t know what he’s saying, and I don’t care.” During a speech, President Bush said that his economic stimulus package is working because when people use extra money to buy a machine, that creates jobs at “the machine-making place.” Then Bush introduced his new speechwriter, a 6 year-old boy named Timmy. A group called The Fathers Day Council is naming “American Idol” judge Randy Jackson Father of the Year. Apparently Jackson got the award for keeping his children away from Paula Abdul. The other day, Charlie Sheen got remarried. Sheen said, “She’s the perfect woman for me — she hasn’t read a newspaper in 15 years.” A new article in Vanity Fair magazine hints that former President Bill Clinton may have had an affair with actress Gina Gershon. The Vanity Fair article also hints that John McCain may have had an affair with Estelle Getty.
The astronauts onboard the International Space Station may have to return to Earth early, because the toilet is malfunctioning. Because there are two things that should never ever go together — an overflowing toilet and a zero-gravity environment.
In Colorado, a man who robbed a Starbucks was arrested when he came back two days later to buy coffee. The man said he came back to buy coffee because it was Starbuck’s turn to rob him. John McCain is actively campaigning across the country. He’s looking for donors — mostly organ donors. There’s a new report out today that says scientists have discovered the perfect health food. It’s bugs. They’re great sources of protein, they’re high in nutrients, they’re low in cholesterol . . . they’re always coming out with some crazy information. Remember when scientists said one drink a day is goodfor you? They never said what size the drink should be. It looks like we finally have a Democratic nominee for president. It looks like Barack Obama has enough delegates to be the nominee. And Hillary Clinton has indicated, privately to friends, who then blab it to news channels, that she is open to the vice presidency. This is great news for Bill Clinton who desperately wants the apartment in New York to himself. This would mean Obama for president, Hillary for vice president, and Oprah on top of them. Now that Barack Obama is the Democratic nominee, Americans are going to have to choose between the 46-year-old Obama and the 71-year-old John McCain. In other words, it's a choice between the Hillary defeater or the Wal-Mart greeter. There's been a lot of speculation about John McCain's possible running mate. Experts say he wants somebody who's not afraid to attack Barack Obama — which explains why McCain has decided to pick Hillary Clinton. In California, a high school student who's an illegal immigrant is about to be deported, but since he's the school's valedictorian, he's asking President Bush to help. Bush told the valedictorian, "Don't worry, I'll never let them send you back to Valedictoria." Congratulations to the Detroit Red Wings. They won the Stanley Cup. So that’s it; the hockey season’s over . . . I didn’t even know it had started. And finally, a fire broke out a few days ago at Universal Studios in California. People were heard yelling, "Save the clocktower! SAVE the clocktower!"
THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Groveland, Florida, here is this week's top ten list...
Top Ten Least Popular Summer Movies
10. An Inconvenient Rash
9. Dial N for Nachos
8. Super Size Me II: The Roger Clemens Story
7. Desperately Seeking Spitzer
6. The Bourne Colonoscopy
5. Harold and Kumar Escape from a JetBlue Bathroom
4. What Happens In Poughkeepsie
3. Bill and Hillary's Desperate Adventure
2. Honey, I Sold the Kids for Gas Money
And the least popular summer movie...
1. Sects in the City
JUNE 6TH IN HISTORY
1752
A devastating fire destroys a third of Moscow, including 18,000 homes. Two other large-scale fires already struck the city in the previous 13 days.
1882
A cyclone in the Arabian Sea pushes huge waves into Bombay harbor, drowning 100,000 inhabitants.
1968
Senator Robert F. Kennedy dies at Good Samaritan Hospital in Los Angeles. The Democratic lawmaker had been campaigning for his party's Presidential nomination when he was shot three times by Sirhan Bishara Sirhan.
1976
American expatriate J. Paul Getty, named the richest man in the world in 1957, dies in London at age 83. According to the oil baron, "If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
1981
An Indian passenger train traveling between Mansi and Saharsa jumps the tracks at a bridge crossing, submerging 11 compartments beneath the Bagmati river. Although the government places the official death toll at 268 plus another 300 missing, the actual figure is more like 1,000 killed.
1984
Indira Gandhi dispatches the Indian Armed Forces to attack the Golden Temple in Amritsar, in an effort to flush out terrorists hiding inside Sikhism's most holy shrine. The government asserts that 576 combatants were killed and 335 wounded in the operation, although independent observers claim that this figure omits thousands of unarmed Sikh civilians who were killed in the crossfire.
1985
Authorities in Embu, Brazil exhume the grave of one Wolfgang Gerhard in order to determine its true identity. The remains are later proven to be those of Dr. Josef Mengele, Auschwitz's notorious "Angel of Death." Mengele is thought to have drowned while swimming in the ocean in February 1979.
1989
During the Tehran funeral of the Ayatollah Khomeini, frenzied mourners accidentally tip his corpse out of its coffin and onto the ground. Three million horrified followers bear witness to the desecration.
1990
US district court judge Jose Gonzalez rules that the rap album "As Nasty As They Wanna Be" by 2 Live Crew violates Florida's obscenity law. Gonzalez declares that the predominant subject matter of the record is "directed to the 'dirty' thoughts and the loins, not to the intellect and the mind."
1991
For robbing a Las Vegas video store five weeks earlier, a judge gives former "Diff'rent Strokes" child star Dana Plato a six-year suspended sentence. Plato's haul from the caper was $164, which she obtained by brandishing apellet gun at the clerk.
1997
During her senior prom, New Jersey teenager Melissa Drexler gives birth to a healthy baby in a bathroom stall. She then strangles the child with a plastic bag and severs the umbilicus with the sharp edge on the tampon dispenser. After stashing the corpse in the trash, Drexler returns to prom and proceeds to eat a salad, request a Metallica song, and dance.
1999
In the largest jailbreak in Brazilian history, 345 prisoners run out of the main gate of Putim maximum security prison, without even the slightest response from the warden or guards. This makes the 10th escape for the 3-year-old detention center. Authorities will kill two of the fugitives and accidentally jail five innocent bystanders in the ensuing manhunt.
2008
My son Logan graduated from second grade with a broken arm.
R.I.P.
Yves St. Laurent: Fashionably late.
Bo Diddley: He walked 47 miles of barbed wire, for fuck's sake, no wonder he died.
Mel Ferrer: Who?
FLORIDA: AMERICA'S WANG
A nude maid is accused of really cleaning up at a Florida man's home. The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office said a 50-year-old man hired the maid from the Internet on Friday to clean his Tampa home. Authorities said the woman arrived at the home in a one-piece, light colored dress. She took off the dress and cleaned the house for $100-per-hour. Sheriff's office spokeswoman Debbie Carter said the man told deputies he left the maid alone in the bedroom to clean. When the man's wife came home from vacation, she discovered $40,000 in jewelry missing from their bedroom.
DOCTOR WHO
When we last left our intrepid Time Lord, the Sontarans had released poison gas from every car fitted with their ATMOS device. Donna Noble's grandfather, Wilfred Mott, was trapped in one of those cars and suffocating on the gas while the Doctor and Donna looked on in horror as every car on the street released deadly clouds of smoke. And now, part two... This was a good, if predictable, episode. Helen Raynor's script was definitely a step up from her Dalek story from last year. Obviously the Sontarans were going to be all blown up at the end (it's not their name on the marquee) and it seemed pretty likely Luke Rattigan would have a hand in it. It wasn't so much the familiar story with the familiar villains as the modern take on a standard "Doctor Who" plot, particularly their treatment of U.N.I.T. When they mentioned that the Brigadier was "stranded in Peru," it was a little disappointing . It would have been nice to see Nicholas Courtney again. They even gave him a knighthood. Still, isn't the character a little old now to even be involved in the military (the actor is now 78)? Unless something happened that we weren't informed about and he suddenly became young again. I was actually hoping the Brigadier was the "very strange man" that Captain Jack said ran the Torchwood Two office in the premiere of "Torchwood".
It was good that the Rutans were mentioned in the show, which distinguishes the Sontarans from other alien nemeses. It's the two races' pathological hatred of each other that is the center of their motivation. Races such as the Daleks and Cyberman only want to destroy anything not like them. It would be nice to see the Rutans in the new series (They've appeared in the classic series. They're single-celled Sontarans reproduce asexually and so far have shown no female versions of their species. If you're wondering what an all-male society would be like, the Sontarans could be a good representation: organisms that also reproduce asexually with great speed and in large quantity, hence the Sontaran need for cloning). It would even be better if they are shown at the same time as the Sontarans (which was never done in the original series) so we could see their hatred at work. It would make for an interesting dynamic.
There were quite a few callbacks in this episode. The Doctor's line, "Are you my mummy?," after he put on the gas mask was also amusing. It was a nice callback to the brilliant first season two-parter "The Empty Child" and "The Doctor Dances." We also got to see the Valiant again, which was the predominate setting for last year's three-part Master story. The ship was also fitted with a small version of the Torchwood weapon from "The Christmas Invasion." At the end of the episode, we got to see the Doctor's severed hand which got lopped off in the same episode.
We also saw a glimpse of Rose on the monitor mouthing the word "Doctor." Foreshadowing if ever there was. Like a myriad of episodes from the classic run, this episode was a slaughterfest. U.N.I.T. better have an excellent life insurance policy.
Now that it's been established that the sonic screwdriver can't work against deadlock seals, everyone has a deadlock seal. News of an exploitative weakness travels fast.
If the Doctor got rid of the poison gas by burning it in the atmosphere, why didn't anything flammable catch on fire? If the Doctor is so smart, why didn't he think of taking an axe to the window to get Wilfred out of the car? I guess he was thinking too much of the big picture and forgot the details. On a final note, if you're reading this, than I'm fairly certain you're as excited about Steven Moffat taking over the showrunner role as I am. Of the current writers, he's the best person for the job, being the closest modern equivalent to the classic "Doctor Who" writer Robert Holmes. The future of Who looks bright.
POINTLESS LAES ALL COMIC BOOK MOVIES FOLLOW
The Bad Guys Must Invade the Hero's Secret Hideout
The aforementioned invasion and burning of Wayne Manor touches on another rule, which says that at some point, usually in a sequel, the bad guys must break into the hero's secret hideout. This one isn't just confined to superhero movies, it's a Hollywood rule that if the hero starts the film with some kind of impenetrable fortress, it will later play host to a bunch of bad guys (see I Am Legend for a non-comic example). Like the "power loss" rule it makes for easy drama and a sense of danger for the audience. Unfortunately this also calls attention to just how easily found these hidden lairs actually are. Superman's Fortress of Solitude gets invaded twice in five films (both by Lex Luthor). Batman's Batcave also gets invaded twice in five films, bombed by the Riddler and Two-Face in Batman Forever and then burned down by Ras Al Ghoul as I mentioned. Spider-Man's apartment gets hit twice in three films, once by Norman Osborn, once by the alien symbiote. X-Men's Xavier School for the Gifted also getshit twice, once by the US Army under General Stryker's orders in X-Men 2, and once by Dark Pheonix in X-Men 3. Also ... This rule has the Cock Block Corollary: If the superhero is having trouble getting laid, letting the girl "invade" his secret headquarters will always do the trick (see Superman 2, Batman and both Fantastic Four movies.)
WHO WATCHES THE WATCHMEN?
"It's the 6th again. We've spent the last few blogs examining the details of making Watchmen. So, this month I thought it might be fun to take a break from all that and just set someone on fire." And with that introduction from Zack Snyder comes the third video journal for Watchmen. This month, it is exclusive to CHUD. This journal is indeed a smaller affair -- if you consider a man on fire to be quiet stuff. We aren't given the chance to see much of the prison riot, just an in-depth look at the process of setting a man aflame. This guy reminds me of a friend of mine, who is an aspiring stuntman. He spends his off-time gaining certification to be assaulted in various ways. One of his certifications is to light himself on fire, because you need proof in order to buy the anti-flame gel. They are definitely a special breed of man -- one that is just a little crazy. You can tell it by that glint in their eyes. I'm happy to just watch from as far away as my keyboard. Watchmen comes to theatres March 6th, 2009.
GEEK TALK
Iron Man 2: I'm not sure how Coming Soon and IESB managed to ask the same exact questions to Iron Man director Jon Favreau (perhaps they're dating and, like, read each others' minds), but that's what it looks like from here. Both sites visited the set of I Love You Man, starring Paul Rudd and Jason Segel, where Favreau was starring in a supporting role. But who cares about that when we've got Iron Man 2 to talk about!?
According to Favreau, he still isn't signed on yet and negotiations with all the actors are ongoing. Of course, he's interested in directing both Iron Man 2 and The Avengers, but because Marvel scheduled the films a year apart, he feels it's literally impossible for him to do both. Favreau also discusses the many potential storylines that could exist in such a sequel, but notes that it's hard to talk about any of this because Marvel is extremely busy prepping the debut of The Incredible Hulk (which we'll talk about in another post). Check either site for much more from Favreau.
Transformers 2: For the first time in a couple hundred years, Pennsylvania has become the cool place to be. Oh yes, that's because Transformers 2 is causing all sorts of mayhem -- with their blowing up of a steel factory, sending hundreds of Asian extras running through the streets of make-believe China. (Is it me, or should Michael Bay receive an Oscar nod simply for making Pennsylvania pass off as China?) Tons of photos from around the set have popped up online over at TFW2005. Star Trek 2: In speaking with TrekMovie, screenwriter (and Trek co-writer) Roberto Orci said the studio is itching to tie them up to a sequel wayyy before the first flick hits theaters. He says, "Alright, since I saw the queen I can give you a spoiler about the Studio's state of mind (not about the movie itself). The spoiler is that they already want to lock us down to write the sequel. Take that as you will." Following that up, Orci says the studio hasn't even seen a cut of the film yet, so wanting to lock them into a sequel is just normal operating procedure. That's because J.J. Abrams' latest masterpiece needs to make quite a bit of money before folks start to take a sequel seriously. Star Trek is due out in theaters on May 8, 2009.
MOVIE BUZZ
Dark Shadows
Some people are speculating that Tim Burton will direct Johnny Depp as a vampire in this big-screen update of the old, campy horror soap opera. Oh, good. We finally get to see Johnny put on some weird makeup and stretch a bit, after all those dull rom-coms.
Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins
If you don't want the end of the movie spoiled for you, then don't read any further: Lots of people are saying that John Conner (Christian Bale) will die and that his skin will be peeled off and stuck on a cyborg body. Of course, now that I wrote that, a Terminator will have to kill me in the past so I don't reveal the ending to anyone again.
Repo! The Genetic Opera
On his new blog, director Darren Lynn Bousman has released a disgusting picture of a guy who has a new face stapled onto his old one. Man, I swear I saw a bunch of women who looked just like that while walking around Epcot last weekend.
Jonny Quest
One Bomb to Another Let's see, here's another '60s cartoon about a globe-hopping kid that's remembered fondly by a small group of die-hard fans but has largely been forgotten by the general public that's being primed into a new live-action movie. Yeah, like that worked so well for Speed Racer.
That's it, pholks, for another entry. The Phile will be back next Phriday, which is the 13th, so that so end up good. Until then, spread the word, not the turd, and I will leave you with great words from that sick bastard Shel Silverstein... Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon." Said the old man, "I do that too." The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants.""I do that too," laughed the little old man. ...
The astronauts onboard the International Space Station may have to return to Earth early, because the toilet is malfunctioning. Because there are two things that should never ever go together — an overflowing toilet and a zero-gravity environment.
In Colorado, a man who robbed a Starbucks was arrested when he came back two days later to buy coffee. The man said he came back to buy coffee because it was Starbuck’s turn to rob him. John McCain is actively campaigning across the country. He’s looking for donors — mostly organ donors. There’s a new report out today that says scientists have discovered the perfect health food. It’s bugs. They’re great sources of protein, they’re high in nutrients, they’re low in cholesterol . . . they’re always coming out with some crazy information. Remember when scientists said one drink a day is goodfor you? They never said what size the drink should be. It looks like we finally have a Democratic nominee for president. It looks like Barack Obama has enough delegates to be the nominee. And Hillary Clinton has indicated, privately to friends, who then blab it to news channels, that she is open to the vice presidency. This is great news for Bill Clinton who desperately wants the apartment in New York to himself. This would mean Obama for president, Hillary for vice president, and Oprah on top of them. Now that Barack Obama is the Democratic nominee, Americans are going to have to choose between the 46-year-old Obama and the 71-year-old John McCain. In other words, it's a choice between the Hillary defeater or the Wal-Mart greeter. There's been a lot of speculation about John McCain's possible running mate. Experts say he wants somebody who's not afraid to attack Barack Obama — which explains why McCain has decided to pick Hillary Clinton. In California, a high school student who's an illegal immigrant is about to be deported, but since he's the school's valedictorian, he's asking President Bush to help. Bush told the valedictorian, "Don't worry, I'll never let them send you back to Valedictoria." Congratulations to the Detroit Red Wings. They won the Stanley Cup. So that’s it; the hockey season’s over . . . I didn’t even know it had started. And finally, a fire broke out a few days ago at Universal Studios in California. People were heard yelling, "Save the clocktower! SAVE the clocktower!"
THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Groveland, Florida, here is this week's top ten list...
Top Ten Least Popular Summer Movies
10. An Inconvenient Rash
9. Dial N for Nachos
8. Super Size Me II: The Roger Clemens Story
7. Desperately Seeking Spitzer
6. The Bourne Colonoscopy
5. Harold and Kumar Escape from a JetBlue Bathroom
4. What Happens In Poughkeepsie
3. Bill and Hillary's Desperate Adventure
2. Honey, I Sold the Kids for Gas Money
And the least popular summer movie...
1. Sects in the City
JUNE 6TH IN HISTORY
1752
A devastating fire destroys a third of Moscow, including 18,000 homes. Two other large-scale fires already struck the city in the previous 13 days.
1882
A cyclone in the Arabian Sea pushes huge waves into Bombay harbor, drowning 100,000 inhabitants.
1968
Senator Robert F. Kennedy dies at Good Samaritan Hospital in Los Angeles. The Democratic lawmaker had been campaigning for his party's Presidential nomination when he was shot three times by Sirhan Bishara Sirhan.
1976
American expatriate J. Paul Getty, named the richest man in the world in 1957, dies in London at age 83. According to the oil baron, "If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
1981
An Indian passenger train traveling between Mansi and Saharsa jumps the tracks at a bridge crossing, submerging 11 compartments beneath the Bagmati river. Although the government places the official death toll at 268 plus another 300 missing, the actual figure is more like 1,000 killed.
1984
Indira Gandhi dispatches the Indian Armed Forces to attack the Golden Temple in Amritsar, in an effort to flush out terrorists hiding inside Sikhism's most holy shrine. The government asserts that 576 combatants were killed and 335 wounded in the operation, although independent observers claim that this figure omits thousands of unarmed Sikh civilians who were killed in the crossfire.
1985
Authorities in Embu, Brazil exhume the grave of one Wolfgang Gerhard in order to determine its true identity. The remains are later proven to be those of Dr. Josef Mengele, Auschwitz's notorious "Angel of Death." Mengele is thought to have drowned while swimming in the ocean in February 1979.
1989
During the Tehran funeral of the Ayatollah Khomeini, frenzied mourners accidentally tip his corpse out of its coffin and onto the ground. Three million horrified followers bear witness to the desecration.
1990
US district court judge Jose Gonzalez rules that the rap album "As Nasty As They Wanna Be" by 2 Live Crew violates Florida's obscenity law. Gonzalez declares that the predominant subject matter of the record is "directed to the 'dirty' thoughts and the loins, not to the intellect and the mind."
1991
For robbing a Las Vegas video store five weeks earlier, a judge gives former "Diff'rent Strokes" child star Dana Plato a six-year suspended sentence. Plato's haul from the caper was $164, which she obtained by brandishing apellet gun at the clerk.
1997
During her senior prom, New Jersey teenager Melissa Drexler gives birth to a healthy baby in a bathroom stall. She then strangles the child with a plastic bag and severs the umbilicus with the sharp edge on the tampon dispenser. After stashing the corpse in the trash, Drexler returns to prom and proceeds to eat a salad, request a Metallica song, and dance.
1999
In the largest jailbreak in Brazilian history, 345 prisoners run out of the main gate of Putim maximum security prison, without even the slightest response from the warden or guards. This makes the 10th escape for the 3-year-old detention center. Authorities will kill two of the fugitives and accidentally jail five innocent bystanders in the ensuing manhunt.
2008
My son Logan graduated from second grade with a broken arm.
R.I.P.
Yves St. Laurent: Fashionably late.
Bo Diddley: He walked 47 miles of barbed wire, for fuck's sake, no wonder he died.
Mel Ferrer: Who?
FLORIDA: AMERICA'S WANG
A nude maid is accused of really cleaning up at a Florida man's home. The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office said a 50-year-old man hired the maid from the Internet on Friday to clean his Tampa home. Authorities said the woman arrived at the home in a one-piece, light colored dress. She took off the dress and cleaned the house for $100-per-hour. Sheriff's office spokeswoman Debbie Carter said the man told deputies he left the maid alone in the bedroom to clean. When the man's wife came home from vacation, she discovered $40,000 in jewelry missing from their bedroom.
DOCTOR WHO
When we last left our intrepid Time Lord, the Sontarans had released poison gas from every car fitted with their ATMOS device. Donna Noble's grandfather, Wilfred Mott, was trapped in one of those cars and suffocating on the gas while the Doctor and Donna looked on in horror as every car on the street released deadly clouds of smoke. And now, part two... This was a good, if predictable, episode. Helen Raynor's script was definitely a step up from her Dalek story from last year. Obviously the Sontarans were going to be all blown up at the end (it's not their name on the marquee) and it seemed pretty likely Luke Rattigan would have a hand in it. It wasn't so much the familiar story with the familiar villains as the modern take on a standard "Doctor Who" plot, particularly their treatment of U.N.I.T. When they mentioned that the Brigadier was "stranded in Peru," it was a little disappointing . It would have been nice to see Nicholas Courtney again. They even gave him a knighthood. Still, isn't the character a little old now to even be involved in the military (the actor is now 78)? Unless something happened that we weren't informed about and he suddenly became young again. I was actually hoping the Brigadier was the "very strange man" that Captain Jack said ran the Torchwood Two office in the premiere of "Torchwood".
It was good that the Rutans were mentioned in the show, which distinguishes the Sontarans from other alien nemeses. It's the two races' pathological hatred of each other that is the center of their motivation. Races such as the Daleks and Cyberman only want to destroy anything not like them. It would be nice to see the Rutans in the new series (They've appeared in the classic series. They're single-celled Sontarans reproduce asexually and so far have shown no female versions of their species. If you're wondering what an all-male society would be like, the Sontarans could be a good representation: organisms that also reproduce asexually with great speed and in large quantity, hence the Sontaran need for cloning). It would even be better if they are shown at the same time as the Sontarans (which was never done in the original series) so we could see their hatred at work. It would make for an interesting dynamic.
There were quite a few callbacks in this episode. The Doctor's line, "Are you my mummy?," after he put on the gas mask was also amusing. It was a nice callback to the brilliant first season two-parter "The Empty Child" and "The Doctor Dances." We also got to see the Valiant again, which was the predominate setting for last year's three-part Master story. The ship was also fitted with a small version of the Torchwood weapon from "The Christmas Invasion." At the end of the episode, we got to see the Doctor's severed hand which got lopped off in the same episode.
We also saw a glimpse of Rose on the monitor mouthing the word "Doctor." Foreshadowing if ever there was. Like a myriad of episodes from the classic run, this episode was a slaughterfest. U.N.I.T. better have an excellent life insurance policy.
Now that it's been established that the sonic screwdriver can't work against deadlock seals, everyone has a deadlock seal. News of an exploitative weakness travels fast.
If the Doctor got rid of the poison gas by burning it in the atmosphere, why didn't anything flammable catch on fire? If the Doctor is so smart, why didn't he think of taking an axe to the window to get Wilfred out of the car? I guess he was thinking too much of the big picture and forgot the details. On a final note, if you're reading this, than I'm fairly certain you're as excited about Steven Moffat taking over the showrunner role as I am. Of the current writers, he's the best person for the job, being the closest modern equivalent to the classic "Doctor Who" writer Robert Holmes. The future of Who looks bright.
POINTLESS LAES ALL COMIC BOOK MOVIES FOLLOW
The Bad Guys Must Invade the Hero's Secret Hideout
The aforementioned invasion and burning of Wayne Manor touches on another rule, which says that at some point, usually in a sequel, the bad guys must break into the hero's secret hideout. This one isn't just confined to superhero movies, it's a Hollywood rule that if the hero starts the film with some kind of impenetrable fortress, it will later play host to a bunch of bad guys (see I Am Legend for a non-comic example). Like the "power loss" rule it makes for easy drama and a sense of danger for the audience. Unfortunately this also calls attention to just how easily found these hidden lairs actually are. Superman's Fortress of Solitude gets invaded twice in five films (both by Lex Luthor). Batman's Batcave also gets invaded twice in five films, bombed by the Riddler and Two-Face in Batman Forever and then burned down by Ras Al Ghoul as I mentioned. Spider-Man's apartment gets hit twice in three films, once by Norman Osborn, once by the alien symbiote. X-Men's Xavier School for the Gifted also getshit twice, once by the US Army under General Stryker's orders in X-Men 2, and once by Dark Pheonix in X-Men 3. Also ... This rule has the Cock Block Corollary: If the superhero is having trouble getting laid, letting the girl "invade" his secret headquarters will always do the trick (see Superman 2, Batman and both Fantastic Four movies.)
WHO WATCHES THE WATCHMEN?
"It's the 6th again. We've spent the last few blogs examining the details of making Watchmen. So, this month I thought it might be fun to take a break from all that and just set someone on fire." And with that introduction from Zack Snyder comes the third video journal for Watchmen. This month, it is exclusive to CHUD. This journal is indeed a smaller affair -- if you consider a man on fire to be quiet stuff. We aren't given the chance to see much of the prison riot, just an in-depth look at the process of setting a man aflame. This guy reminds me of a friend of mine, who is an aspiring stuntman. He spends his off-time gaining certification to be assaulted in various ways. One of his certifications is to light himself on fire, because you need proof in order to buy the anti-flame gel. They are definitely a special breed of man -- one that is just a little crazy. You can tell it by that glint in their eyes. I'm happy to just watch from as far away as my keyboard. Watchmen comes to theatres March 6th, 2009.
GEEK TALK
Iron Man 2: I'm not sure how Coming Soon and IESB managed to ask the same exact questions to Iron Man director Jon Favreau (perhaps they're dating and, like, read each others' minds), but that's what it looks like from here. Both sites visited the set of I Love You Man, starring Paul Rudd and Jason Segel, where Favreau was starring in a supporting role. But who cares about that when we've got Iron Man 2 to talk about!?
According to Favreau, he still isn't signed on yet and negotiations with all the actors are ongoing. Of course, he's interested in directing both Iron Man 2 and The Avengers, but because Marvel scheduled the films a year apart, he feels it's literally impossible for him to do both. Favreau also discusses the many potential storylines that could exist in such a sequel, but notes that it's hard to talk about any of this because Marvel is extremely busy prepping the debut of The Incredible Hulk (which we'll talk about in another post). Check either site for much more from Favreau.
Transformers 2: For the first time in a couple hundred years, Pennsylvania has become the cool place to be. Oh yes, that's because Transformers 2 is causing all sorts of mayhem -- with their blowing up of a steel factory, sending hundreds of Asian extras running through the streets of make-believe China. (Is it me, or should Michael Bay receive an Oscar nod simply for making Pennsylvania pass off as China?) Tons of photos from around the set have popped up online over at TFW2005. Star Trek 2: In speaking with TrekMovie, screenwriter (and Trek co-writer) Roberto Orci said the studio is itching to tie them up to a sequel wayyy before the first flick hits theaters. He says, "Alright, since I saw the queen I can give you a spoiler about the Studio's state of mind (not about the movie itself). The spoiler is that they already want to lock us down to write the sequel. Take that as you will." Following that up, Orci says the studio hasn't even seen a cut of the film yet, so wanting to lock them into a sequel is just normal operating procedure. That's because J.J. Abrams' latest masterpiece needs to make quite a bit of money before folks start to take a sequel seriously. Star Trek is due out in theaters on May 8, 2009.
MOVIE BUZZ
Dark Shadows
Some people are speculating that Tim Burton will direct Johnny Depp as a vampire in this big-screen update of the old, campy horror soap opera. Oh, good. We finally get to see Johnny put on some weird makeup and stretch a bit, after all those dull rom-coms.
Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins
If you don't want the end of the movie spoiled for you, then don't read any further: Lots of people are saying that John Conner (Christian Bale) will die and that his skin will be peeled off and stuck on a cyborg body. Of course, now that I wrote that, a Terminator will have to kill me in the past so I don't reveal the ending to anyone again.
Repo! The Genetic Opera
On his new blog, director Darren Lynn Bousman has released a disgusting picture of a guy who has a new face stapled onto his old one. Man, I swear I saw a bunch of women who looked just like that while walking around Epcot last weekend.
Jonny Quest
One Bomb to Another Let's see, here's another '60s cartoon about a globe-hopping kid that's remembered fondly by a small group of die-hard fans but has largely been forgotten by the general public that's being primed into a new live-action movie. Yeah, like that worked so well for Speed Racer.
That's it, pholks, for another entry. The Phile will be back next Phriday, which is the 13th, so that so end up good. Until then, spread the word, not the turd, and I will leave you with great words from that sick bastard Shel Silverstein... Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon." Said the old man, "I do that too." The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants.""I do that too," laughed the little old man. ...
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