Friday, February 27, 2009

Talk Nerdy To Me


Hello, welcome to another entry of the Phile. Tonight it's not one, but two entries. Right after this I will post an interview with Brian Sullivan from the band Emerald Rose. So, today was the first day of MegaCon. What is MegaCon? MegaCon, short for Mega Convention, is a large convention that caters to the anime, sci-fi, comic, and fantasy community, occurring between late February and early March at the Orange County Convention Center in Orlando, Florida. That's what Wikipedia says anyway. I had a good day, handing out Peverett Phile business cards, and trying to get autographs. Everyone was cool, except Dirk Benedict who should change his name to Dirk Bene-dick. And Margot Kidder, who looked like a confused old lady. It's kinda weird seeing fully grown adults dressed like anime characters, but if I could of painted myself blue and walked around naked like Dr. Manhattan I would of done. Maybe next year... So, today Logan and Jen flew to Utah for a skiing trip. I think they're crazy. Skiing means snow and snow means cold. Anyway, she's giving Logan a lifetime of memories and I gave Melody Anderson a lifetime memory... and Dirk Benedict, and Lou Ferrigno and Micky Dolenz... Arnold Schwarzenegger is taking time off as the governor of California to shoot a new movie. The movie’s about a terrible disaster — it’s called, Arnold Schwarzenegger is the Governor of CaliforniaSo, the other night was the Oscars. There were a lot of parties for the Oscars last night. The biggest was the annual Vanity Fair event. US Airways pilot Sully Sullenberger showed up with his wife who wore an unusual dress. It had a goose strapped to it.
He was supposed to attend the governor’s ball, but at the last second he veered into the fountain outside the hotel. Oprah held her annual Oscars show. She had all the big winners on. Not only is it an annual tradition, it’s also Oprah’s way of letting the big stars know that she still owns them. President Obama gave his first State of the Union address. They say it was the best State of the Union address ever delivered by an African-American president. He says we can overcome this crisis if we all work hard and make sacrifices — which means we are screwed. The address is a very formal thing, but it’s really more like a boxing event. He comes into the room with little satin shorts and makes his way to the stage. The president says he intends to expand healthcare, improve education, and decrease energy dependence — all while cutting the deficit in half. Then, he’s going to make the Washington Monument disappear. George W. Bush is doing pretty well for a retiree. He will hit the lecture circuit next month for a reported 150,000 per speech. Actually it’s $150,000 per speech and an extra 25 grand if you want to throw shoes at him. He’s not alone; he’s got a couple of guys with him. It’s called the 2009 Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Things aren’t going so well for New York Gov. David Paterson. He’s had a shake-up in his staff. He’s had a tough time, and he’s hoping that a change in his staff will bring about a happy ending to his time in office. Though a happy ending is pretty much what brought down the last guy...


From the home office at MegaCon, here is this week's top ten list...
Top Ten Reasons Lois Lane is Dumping Superman 
10. His heat vision sometimes turns on accidentally when he's drunk. 
9. She's now totally deaf in one ear because of his super-snoring. 
8. Every time he left toilet seat up, blamed it on Clark Kent.
7. He always had to go "stop an earthquake" when her parents were in town. 
6. Was inspired when Jennifer Peverett dumped her man from another planet. WHAT?!
5. Always making wisecracks about how his x-ray vision couldn't penetrate her meatloaf. 
4. Had to expose him to kryptonite to get him to take out garbage. 
3. His insistence that the kids be raised super. 
2. She saw him barhopping in the Village wearing a Wonder Woman costume. 
And the number one reason Lois Lane is dumping Superman...
1. Faster than a speeding bullet, if you know what I mean. 


Philip Jose Farmer: He wrote "A Woman a Day" and "Blown". We might be on to what killed him.
Wendy Richards: Now about to star in "Are You Being Buried?"


Congressman Dan Sickles of New York shoots and kills Philip Barton Key, the son of Francis Scott Key (who wrote the Star Spangled Banner). The younger Key was having an affair with the congressman's wife. Sickles later pleads insanity and is acquitted.
The Reichstag conveniently burns. A mad Dutchman who was arrested at the scene, Marinus van der Lubb, may have been partially responsible but if this is so, he is likely someone's patsy. The Nazi Party benefited greatly from the subsequent crackdown, and it's suspected that SA stormtroopers set things up for van der Lubb.
Rolling Stone Keith Richards arrested in Toronto with his girlfriend Anita Pallenberg for possession of heroin. Found guilty at trial over one year later, he manages to get off with a suspended sentence plus benefit concerts for the blind.
Freelance photographer Wayne B. Williams found guilty of two counts of murder, though he is suspected of killing 22 other Atlanta area black boys. Williams was caught dumping a suspicious load from atop a bridge in the middle of the night.
Mitchell brother Jim shoots and kills Mitchell brother Artie for reasons that aren't exactly clear. The brothers had built up a San Francisco porn empire centered around the O'Farrell Theater, and were responsible for one of the best-selling porno films of all time: Behind the Green Door, starring Marilyn Chambers and John Holmes.
Trying to get the lid off her McDonald's coffee to add cream and sugar, 79-year-old Stella Liebeck accidentally splashes the 180-degree liquid on herself, causing third-degree burns to the thighs, genitals, and buttocks. After skin graft surgery and weeks of recuperation, Liebeck asks McDonald's to turn down the temperature of their coffee and pay $20,000 to defray her hospital bills. McDonald's tells the old lady to fuck off, as they had done for a decade of similar burn claims. Ultimately, a jury awards Liebeck $2.9 million in the resulting lawsuit, which immediately triggers a renewed call for legislative tort reform.


Samuel L. Jackson has officially signed on to play Nick Fury in Iron Man 2, The Avengers, Thor, S.H.I.E.L.D, probably Darkhawk, and pretty much every Marvel movie until the end of time. Vivid Entertainment offered "OctoMom" Nadya Suleman $1 million to star in a porno. I'm not sure what category of porn that would fall into. "OctoMILF Hunters?" Barack Obama punches out Osama Bin Laden on the cover of the new "Savage Dragon" comic. Just give him his own series already. Warner Bros. will produce a Suicide Squad film. It's a comic about villains, not the Suicide Girls. Sorry, nerds. Rumor has it Rihanna might be pregnant with Chris Brown's baby. Total Recall is also getting the remake treatment. Gore Verbinski (Pirates of the Caribbean) is directing a remake of Clue. Gore, please travel back in time and get Colleen Camp circa 1985 to reprise her role as the maid. 


Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? A: His hand caught fire.


If the first episode of "The Amazing Race 14" is any indication, the show may be undergoing a renaissance period, as Survivor did a few years ago (and is still riding). I was more consistently engaged and entertained during last night’s episode than I have been for a few seasons now. The changes, which were minor but obvious, presented themselves immediately: The opening sequence had a modified logo, edgier theme music, and an emphasis on the dramatic instead of spectacular. Even better, there was basically zero airport time! Halle-fucking-lujah. If there’s anything that sucks the show into a black hole of boredom, it’s contestants trying to get flights. Of course, flights were pre-purchased for them on the first leg, so we’ll see how long that lasts. It also started with two strong challenges: a 700-foot bungee jump that made my hands sweat every time a contestant jumped to a hysterical Detour that featured 50-pound rolling wheels of cheese, laughing locals, and contestants sliding down a steep, muddy, slippery hill was almost as entertaining as last season’s colorful Holi challenge. The editing was also strong, with several split-screen moments, and also a lot more time stamps than usual. That "The Amazing Race" is still hasn’t switched to high definition is pathetic, though. What a damn waste. The contestants are fun but not too crazy. For example, the experienced travelers and flight attendants Christie and Jodi pulled their backpacks behind them on wheels, even across rough surfaces. There were confessions (Mel told us, “every time my legs parted the groin muscle would just ache”), a thinly veiled reference to how amazingly thin one contestant is (“This is my body weight,” Amanda said while carrying 100 pounds of cheese), incredible powers of observation (five feet from a piece of cheese that weighs 50 pounds and is as big as a small tire, Jodi told Christie, “There’s your cheese”), and sentences that are hysterical out of context (Victor to his sister, Tammy: “Your thing broke but the cheese is still in”). Besides displaying some great eyebrow and making Linda swoon, Phil learned ASL and signed “You are team number one” to Margie and Luke, the series first-ever deaf contestant (although as fans of the Asian edition of the series point out, its second season was won by a deaf contestant). Best of all, the young, bickering couple went home first. Although that still leaves the “hicks from the sticks” bickering couple, who are just kind of tragic, Preston and Jennifer were the really annoying, gratings ones. At least now Jennifer can pursue her dream to augment her existing nude photography and Playboy DVD appearance by doing Playboy. She told The State, “I keep waiting for that call. I hope that happens.” [realityblurred]


People sure take "American Idol" seriously! 25 million voted last night, choosing the next three singers to advance to the top 12, joining Alexis Grace, Danny Gokey, and Michael Sarver. Based on the chosen three, this is gearing up to be a great competition. So far, everyone can sing and there really aren't any Sanjayas in the group yet. Yes, Nick Mitchell/Norman Gentle is a novelty act. But he can sing and he's really entertaining.  But before we got to learn which three went through, the producers tortured us with yet another group number, with the Idols awkwardly dancing and singing Neo's "Closer." I'm not a big fan of the group numbers, and the singers don't look like they're having that much fun either. Then Ryan chatted up the contestants, asking Matt Breitzke if he had any regrets about talking back to Simon last night. "I don't know that there's ever a point in my life where it's going to be too late for advice," said Matt. Meanwhile, Jeanine Vailes' legs were still in full view. First to step into the circle of stress are Allison Iraheta, Jesse Langseth, and Matt Breitzke. Out of these three, my favorite is Allison. At just 16 years old, she blows me away every time I hear her sing. She's such a natural performer. Randy said he hoped Allison would go through, because she sang her heart out last night. Randy's and my wish was granted, because Allison was put through, while Matt and Jesse will be going home. Up next are Matt Giraud, Jeanine Vailes, Megan Joy Corkrey, and Kris Allen. Paula said she had no idea which of these four would be going through. Kris is chosen, and looks like he's going to faint. He's so humbly surprised, it's sweet. And his family is weeping, too. Next, we were treated to a completely unnecessary filler thing with scenes of past winners and contestants, including Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson, even the She-Bangs guy. After that, past contestant Brooke White sang her new single, "Hold Up My Heart," while playing the piano. She advised the current contestants, "Don't Google your name!" Mishavonna Henson, Kai Kalama, Adam Lambert, Nick Mitchell/Norman Gentle, and Jasmine Murray were next up in the circle. Simon said he prayed for 5 or 6 hours nonstop that Nick wouldn't get through. "Hopefully, God and I have a good relationship right now," said Simon. Apparently, God heard Simon's prayers. Adam is the one who made it through, and, as the other winners did, he sang his song from last night. He really does have a phenomenal voice, and I'm glad he made it through. In fact, if I'd chosen the winners, it would have been the three that America chose. They got it right, in my mind. As for Nick/Norman, there's still a chance he could come back as a wild card. As Simon explained, the judges will bring back a few people they feel deserve another shot. Will Nick/Norman be one of them? I hope so. [Idolnews]


Just when you think they're out of Top Cow properties, another one gets optioned. We have "Witchblade", "Magdalena", and "Fathom" all cooking in pre-production. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Top Cow is re-teaming with Platinum Studios and Threshold Entertainment to give "Aphrodite IX" her turn. The series centered on a female cyborg who goes on undercover missions that result in episodes of amnesia. She realizes she's an assassin -- and with that awareness comes a distaste for her mission, as well as human dreams and desires. As she seeks clues to her past and her true identity, she stumbles on a government conspiracy of cyborgs who are going all SkyNet on the government. And yes, she does it all while wearing a skimpy costume -- how ever did you guess? Here I should mention the film will be shot in 3-D ... I'm really surprised it took Top Cow and 3-D so long to find one another. There's no director yet, and producers are currently looking for a hottie to play Aphrodite. "This is just the kind of franchise we love: a visually stunning world, amazing effects, a great story and a hot, kick-ass babe in the lead," producer Larry Kasanoff said. "What could be better?" If only there was a Top Cow equivalent for chicks, eh? Oh wait... there is! It's called X-Men Origins: Wolverine. 


Whew! There you have it, kids, another entry of the Phile. But don't go anywhere yet. Coming right up is an interview with Brian Sullivan from the band Emerald Rose... who are playing at MegaCon. Then tomorrow the Phile Interviews will be back with singer Mandy Ventrice. So, until then, spread the word, not the turd.

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