Pheaturing Paul Rugg

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Thursday. How are you? Today in Central Florida it's chilly and raining. Not very nice at all. So, wouldn't it have been nice if 2020 took us all out to dinner before it fucked us? The garbage man stuck a pamphlet for AA on my trash bin. Judgmental prick, mind your own business. Ha. Actually, honestly I have only drank a few beers since this whole thing went down. Really. Before this I couldn't imagine a scenario where 20,000 Americans die and the President doesn't grieve or even to pretend to show empathy. We should never stop talking about how this isn't even remotely okay. Just saying.
Salt Lake City, Utah mother Mindy Vincent came up with a clever way to keep people away from her during the coronavirus shutdown while also keeping her mouth covered: a mouthful of dongs. Or, really, a mask full of dongs. Vincent created custom face masks to cover her mouth that are adorned with dozens of tiny little penises. Why? Because, as Vincent explains, if someone is close enough to observe the penises, and then inform her that they have observed the penises, she can then inform them that their ability to see the tiny penises means that they are in violation of the six foot social distancing rule and need to back the hell up.

It’s a pretty ingenious invention. And no wonder it came from Vincent, she’s the executive direction of the Utah Harm Reduction Coalition. "Hi friends, We are overwhelmed by all of the love and support we’re receiving! We understand how excited everyone is about the #penismaskproject! We’re really good at #harmreduction but we haven’t been a national distributor of #penismasks before today! We didn’t expect to go viral today and that puts a large strain on our small organization. We sold out of both of our mask patterns and we’re in the process of figuring out if we can get more. In the meantime, please follow Utah Harm Reduction Coalition and Therapeutic Madness! We appreciate your patience and understanding with us as we get this sorted! Thank you for everything and please, keep the love coming! And together, let’s keep #cockblockcorona! Thank you, Mindy Vincent MSW, LCSW, MPA Executive Director Turner C. Bitton Board Chair." The penis masks are for sale on the Utah Harm Reduction Coaltion’s website (as well as other, far less penis-y patterns). You can buy them here:
utahharmreduction.org/product-page/cockblock-corona-mask?fbclid=IwAR3hDGwOBVaPdt2EhwOecJv1JCBsb2BL89nJgmmDD4W83z4wUwWUanjvqRc.
So far Vincent has sold over 5,000 masks and has enough material to make another 19,000 or so. There are also masks with vaginas and boobs. This is, all around, an incredible idea. Not only does it help stop the spread of coronavirus but it also lets you offend someone and then make THEM look like asshole. Just, bravo Mindy Vincent. Bravo. I want to see what the boob ones look like...

And the vagina one while we're at it?

Not what I was expecting but its cool.
Just look at this perfect duo living the life.

This is one of the most adorable things I have ever seen! When you’re small, sometimes the world can seem like a very terrifying place. Sometimes it’s easy to get scared of things that we don’t understand. Like the weather. This puppy was so scared of what was going on outside, so he decided to hide. We all know that dogs don’t have the best relations with thunderstorms since they have the ability to hear a wider range of sounds than us. So yeah, thunder to them can sound like a big explosion. As their owners, we must assure them that everything will be okay, despite the loud noise and provide them with a calming presence. Which is exactly what this little buddy did. Twitter user, @akkitwts posted a heartwarming video of a toddler and a very frightened puppy hiding in the laundry room while in a storm. In an adorable turn of events, a small toddler goes up to him and starts comforting the golden retriever, by caressing him to let him know he’s okay. The little guy then gets on his feet and starts cuddling him to protect him. Although this kid didn’t say anything, rather just use his body language to reassure that they were both okay, I want to believe that this kid was telling him “don’t worry best friend, we’ll get through this together! We’re okay.” Because well, if you look at his body language, that’s probably exactly what he’s trying to convey. The best thing about this video is that the pooch is just taking everything in, and accepting all of the hugs he can get. To the point where he even goes back in to hug the human by lowering his head to make it easier for the toddler to hug him. That’s love, what a good boy! Ugh, be still my heart. I guess some heroes wear capes, and some wear Huggies! We definitely don’t deserve pups.
Home Depot has put an end to N95 masks sales at their stores and website. If you visit their site, each mask is marked as "out of stock online" or "not sold in stores." Home Depot decided to cease the sales of N95 masks so they can donate them to healthcare providers. It’s no surprise that the coronavirus pandemic has caused a spike in N95 masks. At this point, many would agree that the heroes on the frontline of COVID-19 need N95 respirator face masks more than individuals who are not first responders or healthcare workers. The stop-sale will help 3M get respirator masks to people who need them most. The Home Depot is not the first retail store to stop the sales of N95 masks. Last month, Target stopped selling them in stores. The 3M 8511 disposable respirators cannot be bought on Amazon. Only hospitals and government agencies can order them. Amazon will not be restocking them for personal use, but you can still find alternatives to personal protective equipment. Many people leaving their homes for work still find masks and sanitization products to be deemed as essential needs. You can take precaution still, with homemade face masks. The CDC states on its website, “Wearing cloth face coverings in public settings where other social distancing measures are difficult to maintain (e.g., grocery stores and pharmacies), especially in areas of significant community-based transmission.” “CDC also advises the use of simple cloth face coverings to slow the spread of the virus and help people who may have the virus and do not know it from transmitting it to others. Cloth face coverings fashioned from household items or made at home from common materials at low cost can be used as an additional, voluntary public health measure.” For more information, visit cdc.gov. I should be getting my Batman face mask in the mail any day now.
Trends, challenges, and other sorts of videos are taking the online world by storm right now as the coronavirus is forcing everyone inwards. These popular, witty, hash-tagged excuses to film yourself doing something no one would really care about if it weren’t for the coronavirus pandemic, are still in some way bonding people together. Because outside interaction is basically forbidden (whether by law or by accountability from peers), people are mustering up the courage to reach out to each other more by utilizing technology. Times like these are when high social media use is welcomed, if not encouraged. Why not get some light relief or post photos/videos to help encourage someone else who might see it? It’s not like we’re doing much else anyway. For example, we would never have known about this video of Australians if we didn’t see it on the Internet. These kinds of trends and challenges are most definitely worth being a part of or just watching, especially while in quarantine. These Australians decided to start a fancy dress trend where they post photos or videos of themselves taking out their trash bins. I'll show you...

In other words, you might catch a 50-year-old man wearing a tutu on bin night. They’re not only doing it for the Internet, but also for their neighbors as well. These amazing Aussies are doing this in response to the stresses of lockdown, counting on the best medicine being pure laughter. They hope the light relief on social media will balance all the news about COVID-19. I think there should be more videos out there like this one. I mean who doesn’t enjoy fancy dress videos for bin night? I will say that as much as I appreciate the effort most of these guys put into their outfits, I don’t know if I personally would want to go full clown just to take my trash to the bin right outside my front door. But again, I’m enjoying the crap out of these videos to kudos to you Australia.
It’s no secret that we have always looked for that special skincare elixir that will keep our skin smooth, shiny, and young. Well, what if I told you that people are now going to the extreme. What are they doing? They are rubbing semen on their faces. Eek! I really don’t know what’s worse, that people are rubbing sperm all over their faces, or the girl who regularly eats human sperm because she believed she will live longer. Seriously, if you don’t believe it, I will tell that story tomorrow. Anyways, according to beauty expert and celebrity facialists Chelsee Lewis, who is known to help out celebrities such as Stella McCartney and Gwyneth Paltrow, not only are people actually willing to undergo this, let’s say treatment, but it is probably one of the best options anyone can use. How accurate is this information? Well, I’m not sure, please don’t start putting semen on your face and then blame me for it not working. I’m just as confused as you are. But, according to Lewis, the semen is one way to boost oxygen and improve circulation to your skin, which will then give you an immediate glow. She noted, “Sexual intercourse helps the stress hormone but also helps to balance the hormones and improve collagen production. But you can go one step further with a sperm mask.  Yes, you heard right! Using your partner’s sperm as a mask is full of a compound called spermine, which is an antioxidant which can help reduce wrinkles, smooth the skin, prevent acne or spots and give you overall healthy-looking skin.” Now I know what you’re thinking, if you’re like most people and don’t really want to rub your partner’s sperm on your face, because it’s gross, she suggests doing other alternatives that are less intimate. For example, she suggests using a teaspoon of coconut oil in the morning and brushing your teeth on an empty stomach. You then swish the oil in your mouth for 15 to 20 minutes and you will feel your face starting to ache as you are exercising the lower muscles. It will also help with bacteria and antioxidants by boosting the energy you need while giving you a wider smile and help clear skin of acne, impurities, and rashes. Now, as I said, don’t come at me if these spermine facials don’t work. I’m just the messenger here. I’m no dermatologist, I’m just here to let you know that people are actually doing this outside in the world, which is insanely gross to me. People have too much time on their hands, and this definitely proof. You are all nasty.
Hey, Yakko Warner, where is the coronavirus coming from?

Is that right? You know even the Warners are protecting themselves from the virus...

Hey, did you ever see that Bugs Bunny cartoon with Trump? No? Take a look...

Haha. I think Trump has the virus... or is the virus. Check it out...

Some people are s dumb about the coronavirus.

Yeesh. I do have good news, nature is coming back. Look what happened in Japan...

When Broadway shows open in New York some shows will have new names and a slightly different plot, such as this one...

It's good to wear masks and gloves when you go out but some people are taking it a little bit too far...

Awe. Haha. Sometimes for fun I like to look up "Foghat" on Twitter and see what people are talking about and are tweeting. Like this one...

Hey, this is March versus April again...

Hey, it's Thursday, kids. You know what that means...

That's just nasty and gross, and yes, that I believe is a real finger. Why do I do this to us?

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Hey, it's raining here I wonder what the weather is like in Port Jefferson. Here's a live look...

Looks like a beautiful day there. I miss that place. Okay, now from the home office in Port Jeff, New York here is...

Top Phive Things Said By People Who Can't Wait For The Quarantine To End
5. When this thing is over I'm going into town and greeting every single person like Belle does in that song about the townspeople.
4. If quarantine is over in the fall instead of the summer... Halloween is gonna be soooo slutty... like you've never seen before.

3. When quarantine is over, don't ask me if I'm free... just say when and where.
2. When this is over please invite me everywhere, I promise I'll go this time.
And the number one thing said by people who can't wait for the quarantine to end is...
1. You know that part when the drums kick in at 3:41 in Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight?" That's when its gonna feel like when quarantine is over.

The guy who stole COVID-19 test kits.

Hey, you wanna laugh?

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you." "I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."

The 121st book to be pheatired in the Phile's Book Club is...

Thanks to Yeardley Smith Mike Reiss will be on the Phile this Wednesday.

Today's guest is an American screenwriter, producer, voice actor, and puppeteer. Please welcome to the Phile... Paul Rugg.

Me: Hey there, Paul. Welcome to the Phile. How are you? 

Paul: I'm great, Jason. I love your blog.

Me: Thanks. So, you wrote for one of my favorite cartoons ever... Animaniacs. How did you get that job, Paul?

Paul: Boy, that's going back. I was doing an improv show and it was at Studio City in the Valley and Sherri Stoner, her husband was our director. Sherri from Tiny Toons fame and Animaniacs fame, she was the story editor, they were looking to hire a couple more writers for Animaniacs and they gave myself and John McCann each a different script to try out. They were trying out a bunch of different writers. So what happened was I wrote it and John McCann wrote one and they hired us the very next day.

Me: Nice. I used to take my breaks at lunch at work at the same time as the Animaniacs was on TV. Were you surprised by the success of the show?

Paul: It was great and surprising. Unfortunately it was the best animated job I ever had so there's only down hill to go I guess.

Me: When you were writing for that show what inspired you to what to write about?

Paul: Oh, boy, that's a good question. We were all different but basically it was whatever we found funny that day. If we really felt we had a good beat on an idea like Yakko, Wakko and Dot going against Beethoven or having a little outing with Einstein. But as far as what inspired the actual show when we were in the script it was whatever we found funny that day.

Me: So, have you watched the show recently? I'm waiting for them to come out in Blu-ray.

Paul: Yeah, and when I see one of my episodes because I've been watching them with my daughter I immediately get transported to 20 years ago and go wow, I was in the hallway and I remember I saw a man and Peter Hastings and I started laughing about his coffee cup... it was just that. There was really no rhyme or reason to any of it.

Me: I remember one episode where Dot had to finger for a prince. How in the world did that get passed on television?

Paul: We would just sort of write it and smile and never say anything to anybody. It slipped by everyone.

Me: Were you involved in that writing?

Paul: If I can recall I think I'm going to blame Peter Hastings for that one. Was that the one where they were detectives on a boat? That was Peter... I think.

Me: Yeah, that's it. Did you ever try to push the envelope and see if anyone would catch something? 

Paul: We would just sort of write it and expect maybe someone would catch something and if they didn't, well, that was okay. I don't think a lot of that we would get away with today.

Me: Do you have a favorite episode of the show?

Paul: Oh, boy. Yeah, but my favorite episodes strangely enough of nobody elses. I think one of my favorites the way to came out would be "Hearts of Twilight" which is the one where the Warners have to go up to the studio and stop Jerry Lewis from making a movie. That was based on Apocalypse Now which was based on the documentary that Francis Ford Coppola's wife did about people slowly going mad and stuff. That was a really painful one to write but I really liked it afterwards.

Me: What's your favorite episode you had fun writing?

Paul: Probably my favorite one to write which I think I wrote in a day was one where Yakko, Wakko and Dot were going to have a dinner party in the water tower. They ask everyone to come and they think that Steven Spielberg is going to be a guest. The whole episode makes no sense. We have Christopher Walken in it and he's eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I remember writing that and just having a great time. I haven't seen that one since so I might be totally wrong. I really liked that one, it made no sense.

Me: So, Steven Spielberg was the executive producer of the show. Did he have a big sense of humor?

Paul: When I was first hired I was like wow, Steven Spielberg is the executive producer, that is pretty great but we'll never hear from him. He doesn't do anything. And I was totally wrong. He would read everything and sometimes plot jokes by saying, "What should happen is the boss should come from the left side and hit the garbage truck and then take off and stuff." He really understood comedy and understand comedy. As far as the animation goes he would plot a lot of jokes.

Me: So, he was really involved in the show?

Paul: Yeah, they would send him each of our best drafts. We would internally bat a script around a couple of times and do a couple of revisions and from there it would go to Steven and we would sort of wait and we would get our notes based on that script. It'll be either "hey, I liked it" or "I didn't like it" or "I think on page 3 and 5 you say Dot glances and Yakko..." He would get very specific.

Me: Did he like it when you made fun of him in the script or used him?

Paul: I think he did. Something tells me if he didn't we would never do it again. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Me: You worked with with a great cast on "Animaniacs," Paul. Is there anybody that sticks out to you that you can talk about? I want them all on the Phile soon. Haha.

Paul: Rob Paulson was great, he brought so much energy to Yakko but he would also do Scratchansniff which I think was one of my favorite things was our recording Scratchansniff episode. Rob would go right from Yakko to Scrachansniff, and how he would able to change his voice that dramatically within a matter of seconds always amazed me.

Me: Do you have a specific Rob Paulson story or something I should ask him if I get him on the Phile?

Paul: I have no specific Rob Paulson story other than he was amazing.

Me: They are bringing the Animaniacs back with new episodes for Hulu sometime this year apparently. Would you want to take part in it?

Paul: Ummmm... that's a really good question. I probably would but for me Animaniacs was such a certain time and I think a lot of people who were writing it would say that's pretty much where we were as a group at that time and I don't know whether we as a group pr even individually could come back in and sort of redo that. I think a new generation could probably take it and want to do it but for me I don't know if I would have the stamina. Ha ha. Those were as much fun as they were we worked really hard. We tried to never do the same thing twice and that gets harder after a while. They were kind of hard to write, they we're fun but they were challenging. I guess I didn't really answer your question. In case someone does call me tomorrow and says we are doing 1500 more I won't say no. 

Me: That's good. Okay, so I probably have some people reading this blog who don't know what the show is or was about. Can you explain it?

Paul: Sure. The show was really about just really being really silly and fun.

Me: So, if the show was going to be made today instead of when it was made do you think it'll be different?

Paul: The biggest detriment to basically getting a show like that to be green lit today is that I think the powers that be might force the writing to actually make sense. I swear to you we never did that once and if we did that on Animaniacs once we sort of made fun of that idea. It would take someone really brave to say this is the way it is. And I don't think the market will bare it. But I could be totally wrong.

Me: A lot of cartoons now are story driven and less slapstick and silly. Why do you think that is, Paul?

Paul: I think a lot of that is because everyone is involved now and everyone has written books on screen writing and writing. We're talking about a six minute cartoon. I swear to you I have had meetings years ago where it is kind of ridiculous where we are talking about something that is basically silly but there's so much talk about it. And in order to do a show like "Animaniacs" you need an executive producer like Steven Spielberg. Boy, I'm getting depressed.

Me: Nooo! I want you to have fun and not get depressed. Okay, let's talk about "Freakazoid!" which I barely remember and know I have never seen. Here's a pic of him...

Me: You played Freakazoid, how did you end up with that part?

Paul: It was total desperation in part of the production. We basically inherited the show. It was supposed to be a darkish superhero show with comedic overtones that Paul Dini and Bruce Timm were working on. And I guess Steven who was associated with it wanted it to be a bit more outlandish and a bit more silly. So Paul and Bruce sort of left because they wanted to do their Paul Dini and Bruce Timm thing. I don't think we were given a choice, it was like "you're going to work on this now." We were really under the gun, and we didn't know too much what we were going to do. We didn't know much about the character and we were just writing like lightning. When it came time to audition people we literally would bring people into a booth one by one and say, "We have no idea what this character is created, we love to be able to tell you with some specific acting, what he sounds like and what he is." We knew none of it. So we auditioned and we auditioned and eventually Tom Ruegger, our executive producer told me to go in the booth and sort of approximate the way I thought he sounded. Then from there they recorded that and sent it to Steven and Steven said, "Just have Paul do it." That's basically how I got hired.

Me: How was it playing that character?

Paul: They had me basically improv a lot and go off that script. I would sometimes do that to do into character.

Me: So, can you describe what that show was like?

Paul: It was like let's come up with the dumbest things we can think of and let's go for it and have fun with it. 

Me: You played the Jerry Lewis character on "Aniamanics." Where did that come from?

Paul: I don't know. I was doing Jerry Lewis impressions in high school. I grew up in Las Vegas and Jerry Lewis was always around Las Vegas and he always used to do the Labor Day telethon, the muscular dystrophy telethon from Las Vegas. I would go as a kid, I would go with my buddies and in high school we would go to the 3 a.m. seating of the telethon and watch Jerry basically go insane. I'm a big fan of his Bellhop and the one where he's the errand boy. All that stuff. I just think he's great, the young Jerry, the cool Jerry.

Me: Did you ever get to meet him?

Paul: No, we tried to hire him on a show I done at Disney and he didn't want to do it.

Me: Do you ever think he saw "himself" on "Animaniacs"?

Paul: Yeah, I do know he's seen our stuff and he didn't hate it. So there you go.

Me: Ha! Paul, thanks for being on the Phile. I hope this was fun and I hope you'll come back again soon.

Paul: I'd love to, Jason. Thank you.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guest Paul Rugg. The Phile will be back tomorrow with actress Daphne Rubin-Vega. Spread the word, not the turd or the virus. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Happy 77th birthday, dad. I miss you.

I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon