Pheaturing Norah Jones

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? A dolphin told me, "so long and thanks for all the fish." Does anyone now what he meant by that? Ha. I went to the store yesterday and had a thought... all of a sudden having gloves, duct tape, plastic sheeting and rope in the trunk is okay. I asked Siri on my phone what the weather is like tomorrow and she said, "Don't worry about it, motherfucker, you're not going anywhere."
In response to international outrage about the potential spread of the coronavirus originating from a Chinese wet market in Wuhan to the entire rest of the world, the Chinese government is planning to officially reclassify dogs as pets, instead of livestock, effectively ending the legal consumption of dog meat in the country. “As far as dogs are concerned, along with the progress of human civilization and the public concern and love for animal protection, dogs have been 'specialized' to become companion animals, and internationally are not considered to be livestock, and they will not be regulated as livestock in China,” the Ministry of Agriculture said in a statement about the decision. Dog meat has long been a delicacy in China, there are even dog meat festivals celebrating the peculiar protein choice. Though dog meat had absolutely nothing to do with the COVID-19 outbreak, the move is seen as a gesture by the Chinese that they are changing their consumption habits in the wake of the pandemic. The Chinese government has also outlawed the breeding, trading and consumption of wild animals, though 13 “special” species will be excluded from the ban, including alpaca, ostriches, reindeer, pheasants, and foxes. The Humane Society was thrilled by the move, though still estimates that 10 million dogs a year are killed in China, including pets that are stolen and slaughtered. Of course, it’s worth noting that this is pure Chinese propaganda to make the country look less shitty in the wake of this entire coronavirus nightmare. They’re putting on a show for the rest of the world, and in particular the West. But, hey, at least they’ll be torturing fewer dogs now. Theoretically, anyway. This requires assuming China isn’t lying, which is definitely an exercise that will make an ass out of you and me. So that’s nice. Still propaganda though.
In light of the coronavirus pandemic, Illinois governor J. B. Pritzker issued a stay at home order so that the state could help keep residents... especially the elderly and those with pre-existing medical conditions... safe and alive. To help enforce the stay at home order, and to keep the citizens of his city safe in particular, Mayor Brant Walker of Alton, Illinois stated that anyone caught violating the Illinois governor’s order within his jurisdiction would be cited. Turns out Walker’s wife ended up being one of those people. Walker’s wife was at a party at a bar early Palm Sunday morning (so, in other words, she was raging all Saturday night long) when the Alton Police Department broke the party up and arrested and cited all the party-goers, aka the adult citizens who cared more about getting drunk at some dumpy Illinois bar than protecting the health and safety of their fellow human beings. The mayor issued a statement on his wife’s arrest that said in part, “My wife is an adult capable of making her own decisions, and in this instance, she exhibited a stunning lack of judgment.” Oof. Oof to both what the mayor’s wife did and also to that statement he put out. That’s politic speak for, “my wife is a dumbass.” He probably told her, “You really screwed me and I am absolutely roasting you in the press and you’re just gonna have to deal with it because this is literally all completely your fault. You idiot.” This is somehow even more ironclad of a mistake than if she had cheated on the mayor. At least then the wife could’ve tossed out some garbage like, “It’s uh… because you’re married to your career now! I’ve never felt so alone!” There’s really no excuse drinking crappy margaritas in defiance of your own husband’s attempt to save people’s lives. This is one of those rare “wife sleeps on the couch” situations. Good luck with your reelection!
Come on guys, you have to know when enough is enough. I mean, do you really think that putting a needle and ink INSIDE your eyeball is a good idea? Because if you do, I think you might want to re-evaluate your choices. I get it might seem like a good idea at the time, but come on. Turns out an Australia woman thought it was indeed a great idea to get the over the top tattoo…which caused her to lose her eyesight. The woman, who apparently has already spent nearly $26,000 on tattoos, says she went blind after undergoing an eyeball procedure to tattoo the whites of her eyes. Amber Luke, who goes by Blue Eyed White Dragon, wanted to tattoo her eyes, yes you guessed it, blue. Because are you really a Blue Eyed White Dragon if your eyeballs aren’t blue? The 24-year-old said she went blind for a total of three weeks after following the painful 40-minute procedure. Recalling the pain, she stated, “I can’t even begin to describe to you what the feeling was like, the best thing I can give you is once the eyeball was penetrated with the ink, it felt like the tattoo artist grabbed ten shards of glass and rubbed it in my eyes.” Yup, imagine some pieces of GLASS SHARDS just roaming around in there. No thank you. Why in the world would anyone want to go through this pain to look like a dragon! Plus… this isn’t cool, personally, I think it sort of looks weird and unnatural.

But hey, who am I to judge, right? The Australian said the procedure “shouldn’t be dangerous” but that the artist went too deep into her eyeball which ultimately caused her to lose her vision. So, yeah, safe to say that the artist is probably going to get a hefty lawsuit in the future. Luke’s body is covered in tattoos, 200 to be exact, and plans to get more. But she does say that none of the extreme variety of tattoos she has around her body caused her to lose her vision. Because well, they weren’t close to her face. She did learn her lesson though and doesn’t plan on getting any “extreme body modifications” anymore. Basically, she has vowed off tongue splitting and eyeball tattooing forever. Despite those three weeks of torture, I have to say she’s pretty lucky there wasn’t any permanent damage. Still, pretty scary. Be more careful next time, Blue Eyed White Dragon.
A 12-year-old’s quick thinking saved a 4-year-old from a kidnapper. Police were quickly called to the scene and spoke with the parents of the child. They then identified Spasogevich-Lee as the man who attempted to abduct the 4-year-old girl. When he was questioned by police, he introduced himself as Elijah or Eli. He then stated he had never touched anyone and wondered why police officers were talking to him saying he felt threatened. After authorities told the suspect he was being taken into custody, he confessed stating he admitted to saying something to the 4-year-old but “never touched her.” But according to the Caylee’s parents, they had several interactions with the defendant before the incident. For three weeks, the man had allegedly constantly tried to cross the street to play and engage with the children. The mother had warned the man several times to stay away, but he continued with his routine. She also stated the man had “exhibited weird behaviors such as jumping around in his front yard with his shirt off, sitting on his front porch and curb, all the while staring at the children, and going up and down the sidewalk with a soccer ball asking the children to play.” For weeks, the man was also seen by several neighbors doing yoga in his underwear outside of his home and had allegedly asked a group of children about kidnapping and rape. He was also seen stripping down to his underwear when the school bus came to pick up the neighborhood children. After his arrest, Spasogevich-Lee was ordered to not have contact with any child under the age of 18. He was charged with abduction of a child and disorderly conduct. If convicted of the more serious abduction charge he could face up to 15 years in prison and $50,000 in fines.
Calling all beer lovers! I have a question for you. What is better than actually drinking beer itself? Well, swimming in beer, duh! Yes, it was only a matter of time before people who eat, drink, and dream about craft beer opened up the unthinkable. Introducing Hop in the Spa, where every day is beer day! It’s truly a magical place, forget Walt Disney World! The spa was the first to offer beer baths (thanks to Deschutes Brewery as their hops and beer provider) in North America and is still a fan favorite for locals and visitors. It is located in Sisters, which is a town in central Oregon and is known for its famous baths and pretzels. I mean, let’s be real, who hasn’t fantasized about diving into a giant tub of beer? Beer is tasty, it would only make sense to bathe in it. Located on 371 West Cascade Ave, the spa offers three different soaks, with three exclusive microbrews that are all mixed with a special combo of minerals herbs, and hops to ensure a nice exfoliating experience. Each microbrew is said to come at a specific temperature and combine certain ingredients to ensure that well, it’s the best bath you have ever taken in your life. You then either have a choice of a 25-minute “microbrew soak” or a 45-minute “hops on the body” treatment where they wrap you in a sheet steeped in hops and herbs. You can also opt for the “ale foot soak” or “brew and renew body polish” if you would like something more simple. Then, experts will pair your bath with their exclusive brews for you to enjoy during your relaxing experience. And in case you were wondering, their beer’s are not just for soaking, you can actually drink each of their exclusive brews like in the tub. They also offer a giant pretzel to satisfy your munchies, because well, why not add more carbs to the experience. Now, the list of what they offer goes on and on, these are just of the options I was instantly attracted to. Once you’re done "marinating" in the brew, you can also partake in a special massage using handcrafted hop-infused essential oils. Yes, basically, the beer spa uses hops in every part of the boozy process. But wait, there’s more! The company isn’t just limiting themselves to brew based baths, but they are also said to be expanding into hop-infused coffees in their Hop In the Cup blend for all you caffeine addicts. The spa is also working on bottling up their “secret blend” so you can take the “hoppy experience” home. But, that is still in the works, so you’re better off visiting their Hop Inn to get that full brew experience. Sounds like something you would do? Check out their website at hopinthespa.com to learn more about their packages and soaks! I know I am! As soon as this pandemic is over. Ha!
Instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this record...

Nah. Never mind. I wore a mask for the first time when I went to the store yesterday but some people are taking it way too far.

Haha. When Broadway reopens some shows are changing their names and some of the plot, like this one...

Hey, here's some good news... wildlife is finally returning to the Thames in London.

Nature is healing. So, church signs have been getting very created since this whole thing has been happening. Like this one...

I will say people are getting really dumb about this whole coronavirus thing...

Oh, boy. Well, Trump had some good news yesterday... check this out...

Hahahahaha. I think Trunp has the coronavirus... and here's why...

Ha. So, instead of hiding eggs this year the Easter Bunny had some other ideas...

At least he's protected. So, go look for that toilet paper, kids. They tell me that at Walmart I'd see really odd sights. I didn't believe it until I saw this...

Are those Kiss shorts he's wearing? I want those. Haha. So, did you see the 2020 limited edition Peeps that came out this year? I hare Peeps but check these out...

So, if you want a book to read during the time you're in quarantine how about this classic book?

Once again this is March versus April...

Now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here's...

Top Phive Things People Said About Zoom Dates That Didn't Go Well
5. Am I the first who's been dumped via Zoom?
4. Quarantine date idea: we get together on Zoom and I share my screen of Google Earth and we explore the streets of Italy together.
3. I gotta stop flirting, I've got 87 days after quarantine.
2. The first date I go on after quarantine I'm asking for a hand in marriage.
And the number one thing said about Zoom daring that didn't go well is...
1. What Zoom background I should use is a whole new level of pre-date anxiety.

This is easy, but if you spot the Mindphuck let me know.

My apartment complex is the same way, but the office people were nice about it.

President Donald Trump has officially announced a major disaster declaration for Wyoming, which means there is now such a declaration within all 50 states due to the coronavirus pandemic. This is the first time a president has ever declared a major disaster in all 50 states at once. According to Deputy Press Secretary Judd Deere, the announcement comes as confirmed cases of COVID-19 reached at least 519,453 as of Saturday, April 11th, 2020. At least 20,071 people have tragically died in the United States due to the virus, which is the death toll surpassing the one in Italy and figures that doubled from 10,000 to more than 20,000 coronavirus cases in only five days. As far as worldwide, confirmed cases have surpassed 1.7 million and more than 100,000 people have died from the coronavirus. Wyoming Governor Mark Gordon formally submitted a letter to President Donald Trump after the state had seen more than 200 cases at that time. Wyoming has not exactly reached the dire situation of some states, but the declaration is said to help prepare and mobilize the resources they need. The emergency declaration also makes federal funding available for state and local governments, as well as for some private nonprofit organizations. According to the White House, they can also help state governments coordinate with federal assistance and resources such as the Army Corps of Engineers and the Federal Emergency Management Agency. Since the coronavirus is highly contagious, several authorities at various levels of government around the United States have been urging social distancing guidelines, and are implementing stay-at-home restrictions and protective measures to slow the spread of the virus for public health. Everyone is being urged to avoid close contact with one another, maintain good hygiene, and avoid leaving their houses as much as possible. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, symptoms of the coronavirus include cough, fever, and shortness of breath. All these symptoms can range in severity from mild to deadly. Despite the warnings, there are several signs that social distancing guidelines are helping, according to President Donald Trump. He stated, “nationwide, the number of new cases per day is flattening substantially, suggesting that we are near the peak and our comprehensive strategy is working.”

The 120th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Phile Alum Salman Rushdie will be on the Phile Wednesday.

Phact 1. During 1939-1940, a Chinese diplomat in Vienna named Ho Feng Shan risked his life and career and acting against the orders of his superior, issued visas to any Jews that requested one. Because of his action, thousands of Jews were able to escape out of Austria during WWII.

Phact 2. McDonald’s fries contain 17 ingredients.

Phact 3. After the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert was announced in 1992, all 72,000 tickets sold out in three hours, even though no performers were announced besides the remaining members of Queen.

Phact 4. Actor Chris Pratt joked about Steven Spielberg giving him the lead in Jurassic Park 4, in 2010.

Phact 5. George Lucas’s original plans for a Star Wars sequel trilogy would have Hamill, Fisher, and Harrison portraying their characters “sixty or seventy years old."

I have to admit I have a crush on today's guest. She is an American singer, songwriter and pianist. She has won multiple awards and has sold more than 50 million records worldwide. Her last album "Begin Again" is available on iTunes, Amazon and Spotify and her latest album "Pick Me Up Off the Floor" comes out in May. Please welcome to the Phile the lovely and talented... Norah Jones!

Me: Norah!!! I love you! I'm been trying for so long to get you onto the Phile. How are you?

Norah: Thanks for having me and that's very nice of you.

Me: I love your last release "Begin Again." It only has seven songs on it though. Why is that?

Norah: Thank you. It was never intended to be an album. It just intended to be singles but the record company wanted to put them together and I thought it'll be a cool way to string them all together.

Me: So it wasn't your idea to out them all together?

Norah: No, I mean it was my call but what I was doing was putting out singles. Just releasing them on-line but a certain point I want to release something that someone can hold in hand. So it's nice have something like that.

Me: Do you think a lot artists are doing singles more than albums?

Norah: That's just the way it is now.

Me: Did you think you'll ever put a record out ever again at that time?

Norah: I'll never say that. LOL.

Me: I like buying vinyl and CDs instead of downloading stuff or just listening to a song on Spotify or something. Do you feel the same?

Norah: Yeah, it's nice to have that now. But these songs were intended to be on an album together. They feel good together. It's really fun to have new material to play live and this does the trick. This project was low pressure for me.

Me: What does that mean?

Norah: I think for me part of doing it this way is not having to gear up for a full year long album cycle and trying to promote something that isn't on people's minds as much anymore... buying albums. Just putting songs out every few months I don't need all this built up, lead up time.

Me: That's the pressure that you're trying to avoid?

Norah: It's easier, it's less work in a way. I'm just being lazy to be honest.

Me: I'm all about less work as well. Why do you think you feel this way?

Norah: It's less of a thing. Here's a song, oh, you don't like that one, here's this one. Oh, you don't like that one? Check this one out. I don't feel like I'm having to present myself, this is who I am each time. Which isn't something I haven't felt completely huge pressure about but I definitely feel it more when I'm putting out an album. Trying to promote an album, and I'm trying to do a whole year long promotion and tour and all of that.

Me: Do you think your fans are "album people" though?

Norah: I think I get a rep for getting a lot of older fans. I do certainly but I don't know. I think a lot of people are "album people." Young people too nowadays. People love music. There's something amazing about putting on a whole album that I love every song. I love that. I'm not going to never do it again, I just have little kids. My attention span is as short as everybody else's right now. That's the thing.

Me: Do you think it's a luxury to make a song, record it, put it out, done?

Norah: Yeah. I've been trying to use my fortune in the last few years. I'm super lucky to have found success early on. I'm lucky to be able to maintain whatever level of it. It's not as big as my first record, but I can still tour, I can still make money doing this. It's pretty awesome after so many years. I feel like I spent the last ten years trying to fine tune how I do things to my benefit. So this is me kind of doing it still.

Me: Your new single "I'm Alive" is with Jeff Tweedy from Wilco, which is cool. What do you look for when you collaborate with people?

Norah: Why do you ask that, Jason?

Me: I don't know, I just think the people you collaborate with could be so different. Am I right? 

Norah: I mean it's just variety. I think I see something in everybody that I collaborate with that is exciting. Part of is they are different then the other person. The first year of my career I got to collaborate with some crazy idols of mine and peers.

Me: Like who?

Norah: Like Dolly Parton, Ray Charles, Willie Nelson, the Outkast, the Foo Fighters, for me it was very random. To me it was a HUGE deal. My point is they are very different. I feel that I picked up a little bit working with every single person. I think a lot of the collaborations I did early on were a lot of them reached out to me to do stuff with them and right now its me reaching out to people. I hadn't had to think about it much, it's usually something that just happens so this process for me is definitely more like "oh, I really like this person, maybe they'd want to hang out and play music together." It's nice to be on the other side of it.

Me: When I played "Begin Again" I thought it'll be duets with the people you collaborated with but it's not. I was surprised it wasn't.

Norah: That might've been what we thought to but I think the whole thing is I went into it with no pressure to do anything specific, let's just see what happens. I have a few other songs that are duets with people. Each song is different, some of these songs I had already written and I went in and we recorded them and some of them I wrote in the studio with the person. Whatever happens happens. 

Me: I love the song "Don't Know Why," Norah, your first song. I once had an MRI and they played your first album and I loved that song ever since... and all your music. Could you have predicted that song would be such a hit?

Norah: No. I couldn't have predicted any of it. But for a long time I sort of let things... I was presented with so many opportunities after that. I would take what I wanted and leave what I didn't. I think at this point in my career it's staring to feel like okay, I need to make what want happen and so I'm just trying to do that.

Me: What's the story behind that song?

Norah: "Don't Know Why" was from a demo that we made for the label to convince them to sign us and we made the album and ended up using about three songs from those demos. That was one of them.

Me: Are their downsides of having a big song like that?

Norah: Not for me. LOL. I'm sure there are for some people.

Me: Who was into that song when it came out apart from myself? Haha. Country people, hip hop people, people who were into Swedish black metal? I think everybody liked it.

Norah: Well, it's pleasing on the ears I guess.

Me: Who wrote the song?

Norah: My good friend Jesse Harris wrote that song and we were playing together when I made that album. I did more songs of his than of my own. I've become more of a songwriter over the years. I really didn't start out with that many songs. So for me it was still a learning process and I had to do a lot of learning and writing and figuring out different things I like to do but gosh, when I play that song people are so stoked to hear it. It just feels good. It's just a good song, I don't hate it.

Me: I was going to ask about that. Radiohead wrote that song "My Iron Lung" about "Creep," right? They didn't really like the song that made their careers. So I was gonna ask you if you still like playing the song.

Norah: Well, if I didn't like the song, well that's a whole other thing. Gosh, I love "Creep."

Me: I think you took your own path and didn't do what the industry told you to do, am I right?

Norah: Well, I think for me I kind of recognized early on that the thing that became successful was special because it was music that was made from the heart and spontaneously. You can't recreate spontaneity and music from the heart, you just have to follow it. And so I followed it wherever it was and it wasn't in remaking the same album over and over.

Me: Did you ever feel pigeonholed?

Norah: I don't feel pigeonholed.

Me: Did you ever feel that way or get close to it?

Norah: I think I felt that people's perception of me was not who I completely was. But it still is and I don't really care. People call me a jazz singer, and that's where I came from in the beginnings. But I stopped caring about how people pigeonhole me a long time ago because it's a battle I'm never going to win. And it doesn't matter, they're just words. They're not bad words. It's just how people see me. That's fine.

Me: So, I always thought of you as a coffeehouse singer, and that's why I used my fantastic coffee mug graphic for this interview. Did you like that term? 

Norah: The coffeehouse term I always hated.

Me: What? Really?

Norah: Yeah, that annoyed me. Then crap, I go into Starbucks and I hear Billie Holiday playing. So it's not too bad. LOL.

Me: Was it hard to say, "I don't care what people think of me, I'm gonna make music the way I want"? Was that the easiest way to get through it?

Norah: That's the only way to get through it. As an artist the only way through that kind of thing is to continue on doing what I love and making it the best I can. Then I feel good about it, and then it doesn't matter if someone dogs it because I like it. If I they to recreate something or follow the sort of sales and all of that and somebody dogs it then I'm going to be bummed. So I don't care and I think it was sort of my way to get through it all. Okay, that's over there, let's just focus on what's important. 

Me: Do you think that people can feel that you're making the music you want to? I think so. I always will.

Norah: Yeah, people can tell. Agreed.

Me: Do you ever think what if you had that success you had then I had now? I mean do you think it would be different?

Norah: It'll be different because of social media and everything, It'll be less album sales. LOL. It'll probably mean less money.

Me: How do you feel about the music industry right now and the way things are changing?

Norah: I don't really... it's not that I just don't care, I do what I do, I support who I can, I still buy albums if I can. Now they stopped iTunes, that's how I've been buying them recently. I buy vinyl. I try and go see shows but it's hard with kids. But I do what I do. I'm doing fine, I'm not complaining about the music industry.

Me: I think what you are doing is smart, Norah, putting out singles.

Norah: I like it. I can go on the steaming services and they pick a bunch of songs for me based on what I like. I discovered so much new music that way.

Me: What keeps you making music and writing songs?

Norah: It's just what I do. I've been really inspired the last couple of years to make music, and that's another reason I'm doing this, because I'm not inspired to make a record based on X, Y and Z. I'm inspired to try different things and work with different people. So I don't know, I guess it's what I do. I feel like when I'm not inspired I don't force myself. But I don't usually take that much time off for music.

Me: Why is that?

Norah: Because it's fun.

Me: Do you think you being a celebrity is unimportant?

Norah: Yeah, but I still feel I'm in the game enough to have this job. That's good. I'm not super good about being a celebrity, I've never been. I mean my first album was so successful it was scary. It was definitely a level of success if I had to maintain that, it'll be incredibly stressful. The anonymity, especially nowadays, people just post pictures everywhere of people. I'm glad I kind of skipped out of that. For sure. I don't need that.

Me: Why do you think more people don't do that?

Norah: I will say more people that are coming out now it's a very different game. When I started out I had this huge hit and it was crazy. If I had to work a few more yers for that it'll probably would have been different. If it was this day and age I probably would have to post a bunch of stuff on social media all the time to drum up business. It's just the way it is. Once I opt in it's just I think it's hard to opt out.

Me: Norah, thanks for being on the Phile. I loved this interview. I hope it was fun, and will you come back on the Phile again?

Norah: I loved talking to you, Jason. Thank you.

Me: You too. Stay well.

That about does it foe this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Norah Jones, I'm so glad to finally have her on the Phile. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Phile Alum Robbie Robertson. Spread the word, not the turd or the virus. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Stay inside.

I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon