Hi there, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Friday. It's not any Friday... it's Good Friday. I hope you have a better Friday than Jesus did. I haven't heard from the "when you are going to have children, being a parent is the greatest joy in life" in the crowd in awhile. For those you that wanted a world with no vaccines... here's the world without ONE vaccine. Ran out of toilet paper and now using lettuce leafs. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen. Haha. Actually, I have plenty of toilet paper... one roll.
Okay, I'm gonna start with some good news and then it's gonna go downhill from there. Just to let you know. Let’s face it, the whole divorce situation is terrible, messy and not fun at all. When one says “I do” no one goes in thinking that they’ll get divorced in a few years. But unfortunately, it happens. Whether it’s because you’ve fallen out of love or there is another person in the equation. If it’s the second reason, it’s terrible and I’m sorry. But, there’s good news for you! Did you know that you can sue the person who allegedly destroyed your marriage? Yup, it’s totally legal in seven states. According to Family Law Trial Attorney Jessica Culver, if a third party has “inserted themselves” into your marriage in any way and destroyed the love and affection of your marriage, you can sue! Alienation of Affection is a tort or wrongful act dating back to old English law. According to HG.org, a spouse living in Mississippi, North Carolina, Illinois, New Mexico, South Dakota, Utah, and Hawaii, is allowed to sue the person they believe broke up the marriage. Of course, there has to be proof that the person being sued is actually ruining or ruined the marriage. So, get the camera and start recording, because who doesn’t like free money. Think of this as the whole “something good comes out of something bad” situation. I mean, I know money can’t solve problems, but hey, it can surely fix a broken heart. Right? Not surprisingly enough, most states have done away with the law. In 1922, the Kentucky Supreme Court affirmed that the affection between spouses “cannot be owned." But, for these states, that wasn’t an issue. The law is still a basis for Civil complaints and continues to be used. In fact, in 2011, a woman was forced to pay another woman, who was married, 30 million dollars for breaking up the marriage! In 2018 a man sued another man for a similar issue, and the defendant was ordered to pay $8.8 million. In order to prove the alienation of affection, you have to show the judge that you and spouse were in a happy marriage with genuine affection and love, the love and affection was dominated and destroyed by the third person’s wrongful and malicious behavior directly caused by them, and show that you were damaged in some way. Pure savage. What do you think, should this lawsuit even be a thing?
COVID-19, which is caused by the coronavirus that is spreading around the globe, has now become the deadliest disease in the United States. The disease has apparently killed more people per day than cancer or heart disease overall, according to Dr. Maria Danilychev who practices in San Diego. Just last week, the coronavirus was the third leading cause of death, which averaged around 748 death tolls per day. Experts believe that as the virus continues to spread, the daily deaths have followed. In comparison to COVID-19 fatality, 1,774 deaths are an attribute of heart disease, and 1,641 deaths are due to cancer. She created data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, also known as CDC, for daily average causes of death in comparison to 2019 statistics from the website Worldometers.info. Statistics come as the novel coronavirus continues to spread globally. According to Johns Hopkins University, there are over 432,000 cases in the United States and over 1.4 million cases globally. Danilychev’s graph also offered a time-lapse which features the number of COVID-19 deaths per day, which has increased over the past few weeks alone. Prior to March 20th, the coronavirus had the lowest number of daily deaths, which is compared to other causes listed averaging around 50 per day. On March 22nd, 2020, the virus’s daily death rate surpassed the flu and pneumonia, liver disease, suicide, and kidney disease. By the end of March, COVID-19 deaths per day with third-highest. As the virus begins to spread across the United States, many speculate the number of deaths it will cause over an extended period of time. White House coronavirus task force, which is led by Dr. Deborah Birx and Dr. Anthony Fauci, believe the coronavirus deaths will be between 100,000 and 240,000 in the U.S. On April 8th, Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation at the University of Washington in Seattle estimated 60,415 United States deaths related to COVID-19. Dr. Birx believes that the decreasing projections could correlate to how Americans have been following the social distancing measures and behavioral lockdown changes. She noted, “What has been so remarkable, I think, to those of us that have been in the science field for so long is how important behavioral change is and how amazing Americans are at adapting to and following through on these behavioral changes.” Globally, there have been over 1.4 million people infected and over 89,000 have died. In the United States, there have been at least 14,808 reported deaths. That being said, there have been over 24,000 people who have recovered from the virus in the U.S. and at least 337,074 recovered worldwide.
A grieving mother from San Antonio is asking for prayers after her newborn was shot in the chest, and is now clinging to life. According to authorities, baby Armani Cazares, who is one-month-old, has been in intensive care at the University Hospital in San Antonio. The boy was shot by his mother’s 19-year-old boyfriend, Lance Tello Jr. Medical experts, unfortunately, don’t believe the child might be able to recover since the boy has no brain activity. Authorities also stated Tello is not only accused of shooting the baby but also shot his mother and his 14-year-old sister inside of his home. He’s currently being held at Bexar County jail with a bond set at a combined $500,000. The couple began dating when she was only four months pregnant and although he wasn’t Armani’s biological father, he took care of him. The couple did not live together but would stay together on the weekends. According to Armani’s mother Daisy Delacruz, Tello worked six days a week at the Maruchan Texas Inc. ramen noodle factory. Just last week, he told her he was feeling stressed at work and asked if she can pick him up early. The mother said that when they got to his house he seemed normal and even asked to feed the baby. Out of nowhere, the man’s mood changed saying he didn’t want to hold a baby anymore, flipping a switch. Delacruz stated, “And I’m talking to him and telling him, ‘I’m sorry you’re feeling like this, but can you just talk to me?’ He still doesn’t talk to me. I then see him reach in between the mattresses and I see him pull out a gun. He has no emotion in his face, he’s just looking at me with this evil look.” Tello then stood up again and pointed a gun at her then quickly pointed at the baby. Before she could push the man away from him, the man shot the boy on the floor, and he began to turn blue. That’s when Tello turned his mother and sister, shooting them both. Luckily, medical staff stated they are expected to recover. Police officers arrest Tello several blocks away from his house. Unfortunately, the future of baby Armani remains uncertain. The mother noted her son, who she calls her miracle baby, is now on a ventilator but doesn’t want to let go of him just yet. Tello is currently been charged with one count of injury to a child and three counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. He has yet to enter a plea to the charges against him. If you would like to donate to the Delacruz family’s GoFundMe page for medical costs, you can visit their website here: gofundme.com/f/1yxq1ro0o0.
Omaha, Nebraska police are searching for a mother who abandoned her newborn baby boy on a stranger’s porch, wrapped in a sweater, and with the umbilical cord still attached. Vicente Cruz says his wife Reyna saw a woman in a hoodie and carrying a bag walk slowly up to their front porch just before noon on Monday. The couple says the mysterious woman left the bag on their porch and then scurried back to the car... a black two-door Pontiac with tinted windows... she got out of, which then sped away. The woman had a hoodie pulled over her face the entire time. Reyna Cruz went out to the porch to see what was left by the woman and found the clear plastic duffel bag, which she said was moving. Inside the bag, she and her husband found the abandoned baby, which was covered in blood and still had its umbilical cord attached as if the baby had just been delivered not long before it was abandoned. The Cruzes, who have three children of their own, say that upon seeing the baby in the bag they started to cry, wondering who would leave their baby like that. They immediately called 911 and paramedics arrived soon after. An ambulance took the baby to the hospital where doctors determined it was healthy and unhurt. Omaha authorities are now searching for what they describe as a Hispanic woman in her 20s who they believe to be the mother. They say they are worried about the woman’s health and well-being. Nebraska Safe Haven laws allow mothers to essentially drop off (or leave) a newborn less than 30 days old at a hospital without any fear of prosecution, however, it is illegal to leave a newborn baby somewhere like, say, a random family’s front porch.
Senate Democrats yesterday stalled President Donald Trump’s request for 250 billion dollars to supplement a “paycheck protection” program for businesses crippled by the coronavirus outbreak, demanding protections for minority-owned businesses and money for health care providers and state and local governments. They blocked a request by Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to give the unanimous consent necessary to fast-track Trump’s request. “We need more funding and we need it fast,” McConnell said as he opened the Senate, assuring them there would be future bills to deal with other issues. “Do not block emergency aid you do not oppose just because you want something more.” McConnell said.
The Easter Bunny this year will not be hopping from house to house, so sorry kids. This is the last picture of the Bunny to have been taken a few days ago...
He's been quarantined. Some people are so dumb about the coronavirus, it's almost as bad as the virus itself.
Haha. Church's are coming up with some clever coronavirus related signs I have to say...
It's good to wear gloves and masks when you go out but some people are talking it way too far...
Trash bags! I want trash bags! Today's guest, Jeff Bergman is the voice of Bugs Bunny. I love the old Bugs cartoon when Bugs shuts up Trump. Remember that one? No? Here's a screen shot...
Haha. Man, this whole quarantine business hurt so many restaurants and places. Even Chuck E. Cheese is feeling it. Check this out...
Poor Chuck E. Well, here is some good news... nature is healing. Wildlife is returning.
Ha! Hey, future kids, this was the Cats movie...
When Broadway comes back some shows will have different names and a slightly different plot line. Like this for example...
Haha. This is again March versus April...
I love Anne Hathaway. I hope to have her on the Phile one day. Okay, I want to see another live shot of Port Jefferson before I do the Top Phive list from the home office in Port Jeff...
Looks about the same as the other day. Okay, now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here is...
Top Phive Good Things Said That Happened To People While Being Quarantined
5. My dog brought me a bag of rice that we forgot to put back in the fridge.
4. My son who's just turned sox, asked me today how to spell "you" so I told him then when I asked him why, it was because he was using his chalk to write "luv you mama" on the path.
3. I woke up. Sober.
2. Had French toast on a Monday, that was a real treat. Wait, is it Monday? Anyway, it was a treat.
And the number one good thing that happened to someone while being quarantined is...
1. I found toilet paper.
A Florida man has been leaving weird, creepy, and deeply unhelpful care packages in the mailboxes of Flagler County, Florida residents and absolutely no one is thankful for them. The care packages are miniature in nature: they come in plastic Easter eggs, according to authorities. Inside the Fairy God-Perv of Flagler County leaves a single Goldfish cracker, one square of toilet paper, a powdered drink packet, and a crumpled up piece of paper with a pornographic image on it. You know, the essentials. Sheriff Rick Staly says that the Flagler County Sheriff’s Office is working to identify the individual who left the care packages. He admonished them not only for their disturbing gifts but also for potentially spreading COVID-19 by giving out their little porno eggs. At least the guy isn’t popping into virtual math classes and hanging dong on 13-year-olds. Or maybe he is. This could be the same guy, to be honest. This would actually be kind of funny if it weren’t for the fact that the eggs could very well be crawling with coronavirus. Spreading the virus isn’t cool! But weird, kind of crazy Easter egg gifts with pictures of ladies’ privates in them? That’s pretty funny. There are a lot of pranksters who are going to get absolutely drilled by their poorly thought out coronavirus related pranks. Police and judges are going to be way closer to zero-tolerance now than if you had, say, walked into a store five months ago and acted like you couldn’t get porn to stop playing on your phone while your buddy filmed it for TikTok or whatever. No one is in the mood anymore. They’re scared to death. Your attempts to be a hilarious Influencer are somehow even less appreciated than before.
Schmucks who litter their shit in front of Goodwill.
A guy emailed the Phile asking whether he was wrong to tell his wife that she should lose 15 pounds before she gets pregnant, in order to protect her health. Before you say, "of course a non-doctor dude who tells his wife to lose weight is wrong," read the details and then... you will be reaffirmed that you're right. The brave man wrote...
"My wife and I have been married for five years. We’ve always wanted kids and were discussing having a kid once everything calms down. The problem is that for the past year my wife gained a few extra pounds probably because she started working longer hours in a high stress environment. She recently started working out at home; trying to get back in shape since both of us have been working from home lately." He estimated how much she weighs, and how much she should weigh... "My wife is 5'2 and weighs about 140 lbs (estimation) so she's overweight for her height. I told my wife I think she needs to lose at least 15 lbs before she gets pregnant because it might cause health complications for her and the baby during labor. She got really offended and called me an asshole." Yup, she called him an asshole. "I didn't mean to say anything offensive to her but the reality is giving birth while being overweight causes health complications to the baby and mother. I love her regardless of her weight but I believe she needs to be in shape to carry a baby as it could be potentially dangerous. Am I wrong for telling my wife she needs to lose weight before she gets pregnant?" She shouldn’t be getting pregnant not because she’s overweight (she’s not) but because she would be having a child with a terrible person like you. You're also scientifically wrong. Yes, she is borderline on her BMI, but that formula is not accurate if, for example you apply it to athletes or someone with some muscle... which we do not know if that's the case. Congratulations to this couple on the baby or the divorce!
Orange Juice
Virgin screwdriver
The 120th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Phile Alum Salman Rushdie will be on the Phile next Wednesday.
Today's pheatured guest is an American voice actor. He was the first to replace Mel Blanc as the voice of Bugs Bunny and several other Warner Bros. cartoon characters following Blanc's death in 1989. He is also the voice of Donald Trump on Showtimes's series "Our Cartoon President." Please welcome to the Phile... Jeff Bergman.
Me: Hey, Jeff, what's up, doc? Haha. Welcome to the Phile. How are you?
Jeff: Hi, Jason, I'm doing well. Where are you from?
Me: I was born in London, England, grew up on Long Island and have been in Florida for 30 plus years. Where are you from?
Jeff: I'm from the East Coast... Pittsburgh.
Me: Cool. So, you took over from Mel Blanc as the voices of Bugs Bunny, Daffy, Foghorn Leghorn and Sylvester and Tweety. Did you ever meet Mel?
Jeff: Well, I think it's kind of a cool story because I was a junior at the University of Pittsburgh in undergraduate school and I was walking around campus one day as I often did thinking of nothing. And I happened to notice there was a sign in the student union that said, "Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny was making an appearance at David Lawrence Hall giving a lecture." I thought that's cool, I like Bugs Bunny. So, I just finished out the day and showed up and there was like three hundred people there to see him, he brought a bunch of Bigs Bunny cartoons, did a bunch of voices and talked to everybody fielding questions. They had a little reception for him and it was cool, he was fun and it was great. I overheard he was staying in a motel that was just down the street from university. I followed his taxi to the hotel which in those days I was grooming myself to be a stalker. I waited until he got settled in his room and I knocked on his door about 11:30 at night and I heard a voice say, "Just a jiffy." I thought oh my god, he was like the voice of God.
Me: Hahaha. When was this, Jeff?
Jeff: In the 70s, in the early 70s I guess.
Me: So, how was he and what did you say?
Jeff: He was so nice. I said, "I saw your lecture, Mr. Blanc, and I loved it. I know it's almost late but I wonder if you could talk to me for a few minutes. It'll mean everything." He was so cool, he let me in and we sat on the twin beds in his motel room. We spent about 45 minutes together and he said, "You stay in school, give it your best, and when you get to California look me up." I actually done a couple of my voices for him and he seemed to get a kick out of it. It was such a great moment, a pivotal moment in my life.
Me: So, did you go to California and look him up?
Jeff: Eight years later oddly enough he passed away on my birthday and that was very strange. I want to say about two weeks later they started casting for "Tiny Toons." I was 29 and I had just tinkered around with the voices in my early 20s after I met him. It seemed that I could kind of odd it but I was used to doing other voices but never the Looney Tunes voices.
Me: Why did you start doing those voices, the Looney Tunes ones?
Jeff: I don't know, I just connected to it I guess. Maybe connected to him more actually. I knew of him from the Jack Benny show.
Me: So, how did you get into doing voice acting?
Jeff: Before "Tiny Toons" I had made a tape where on one channel was Mel Blanc's track and on the other channel was my track and I dubbed it in. I didn't add any music or anything and I tried two get the voice as good as I could. I couldn't do it as good as I now as I don't think my voice had developed then in my mid 20s. So I started to audition for "Tiny Toons," and it seemed incredible that it was happening, I did Elmer, Sylvester and Tweety, Yosemite Sam, Foghorn, I knew I was doing all of the classic characters for the show. I flew in from Philadelphia to Los Angeles for about 21 straight months.
Me: So, how was it when you got the job?
Jeff: It was really cool and amazing. I got to work with Chuck Jones.
Me: Oh, wow! How was that?
Jeff: It was really a trip. And I met Steven Spielberg. It was amazing.
Me: You were the first actor to fill Mel's shoes as Bugs Bunny, right?
Jeff: Yeah.
Me: Were you scared?
Jeff: You know what's funny, I think at first I was inspired. I thought this person is weird like me because he does voices too. I sort of get what that's about. It was sort of like the kindred spirit finding other people that did voices. I was imitated but then when I started to do the stuff and people started to compare and say, "He's not as good. Nobody's going to be as good as the legendary Mel Blanc." I started to freak out. With all that stuff people started to knock me down a peg or two which I thought there's nothing wrong with that. It's hard to be compared to the original.
Me: So, you felt so imitated?
Jeff: Yeah, I wanted to try so hard to make those voices sound like the way everybody remembered them. I did it the best I could with my instrument at the time. Now many years later I think oh my gosh, everybody brings something different. Like whoever is doing Superman at the current time, or James Bond or Bugs Bunny, everybody brings something to it.
Me: So, which character was the hardest to do?
Jeff: If I could do Bugs I could do all the voices. Bugs goes into Daffy, Daffy goes into Foghorn Leghorn and even Foghorn goes into Barney Rubble.
Me: So, you do the Flintstones as well?
Jeff: I used to do Barney for almost twenty years but now I do just Fred.
Me: So, Bugs Bunny was the toughest voice?
Jeff: Yeah, I don't know if it's because it's most like Mel. Other actors might tell you something different but I find it's a very complicated voice to produce. Also they're all so big. They take a lot of physicality.
Me: Okay, let's talk about your latest project Showtimes's "Our Cartoon President" where you play Trump, as well as some other people. I have never seen it but I have seen "cartoon Trump" on Colbert. I think you do a great Trump impersonation.
Jeff: Oh, Jason, thank you for saying that. I can't wait to tell the writers because they're working so hard.
Me: So, what do you think about being on the show playing the President?
Jeff: The writers want to characters to be fun and dimensional. I think the second season we really found the groove, and now we have a third season this year. In a way it's so much easier because we know who we are. That is I think we do.
Me: Off those that don't know what it is can you explain it?
Jeff: Sure, it's like "Seinfeld" in a way, it's like a cartoon sitcom.
Me: Is it a fun show to be part of?
Jeff: Yeah, sometimes I have to read the scripts five or six times so I don't laugh and sometimes I still do. It's great to be able to say these things as the "characters."
Me: You play Trump and Lou Dobbs. If they're in a scene together how do you do it? Do you do the voices at the same time?
Jeff: I record all the Trump stuff first. There are sometimes though when I switch.
Me: Fantastic. Thanks, Jeff, for being on the Phile. Please come back on the Phile again soon. Stay well.
Jeff: I will, Jason, I had a real YUGE good time.
That about does to for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guest Jeff Bergman. The Phile will be back on Monday with someone I wanted on the Phile for so long... Norah Jones! Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Stay inside and have a good Easter.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
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