Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Pheaturing Phile Alum Neara Russell

Good evening, and welcome to the Phile for a Tuesday. How are you? Let's start off with a story about a giant snow penis, shall we? Someone in China drove to a parade carting a snow penis on the trunk of his car. It isn't your typical penis drawn on the windshield, either. Think a snowman, but in penis shape... and, like most snowmen, it really would look adorable with a stovepipe hat. It truly is the winter of snow schlongs. According to Mashable, the man was carrying snow to the parade because snow is a rare sight in that part of China. It certainly is rare to see three-foot-long penises anywhere.
Aside from his acting abilities, Adam Driver is known for his unusual face, which has divided fans into two camps: those who don't get why he's hot, and those who do. Given the actor's atypical features, it would seem unlikely that a perfect doppelgänger of Driver exists. While no human has surfaced who looks like him, animals are another story. This Oriental Shorthair cat is Adam Driver....

Does the resemblance not take your breath away? The cat's name is Corey, which is close enough to Kylo that it could be changed. The two-and-a-half year old feline had been residing at the Monmouth County SPCA in New Jersey, but he's since been adopted. Corey's already been giving his owner tips on acing that Force choke!
A health campaign in the Canadian territory of the Yukon sought to remind people to get plenty of D this winter... Vitamin D, that is. The innocent folks of the Yukon Department of Health and Social Services were apparently unaware that "the D" is slang for "penis." What ensued was a hilariously sexual, abundantly awkward ad campaign...

There wouldn't be the baby without the D. A representative from the Department of Health and Social Services told the Yukon News, "We knew it was an innuendo for sex. We did not realize that it was as crude as it is now being purported to be." They have since nixed the campaign, but the message should still inspire.
Hey, are you a fan of "Friends"? Well, the "Friends" cast reunited... Could this be their day, their week, their month, or even their year? On Sunday, NBC taped a star-studded special program called "Must See TV: A Tribute to James Burrows," and the guest list for the show honoring the legendary TV director seems like it was all VIP. In fact, the holy moment predicted by Nostradamus finally came to pass: The "Friends" cast was reunited! Oh, wait, Matthew Perry's not there. Forget it, no prophecies have been fulfilled. But Jennifer Aniston, David Schwimmer, Lisa Kudrow, Matt LeBlanc, and Courteney Cox were there! Perry was working on a play in London, and pre-taped his tribute to Burrows separately. In this picture, 5 out of 6 friends were joined by key players from "The Big Bang Theory," so that almost makes up for it.

Their smiles say, "We're happy to be reunited," but their eyes say, "Not everyone here was invited to Jennifer's wedding."
TMZ reports that Paramount Pictures is being slapped with a class-action lawsuit by four New York City-based production assistants (showbiz speak for "lowly servants"). The four P.A.s, who began working for the studio in 2010, claim that they were regularly required to work 60-100 hour workweeks without overtime pay. Their assignment during this time was as humiliating as it was dull: keeping pedestrians and vehicles out of film locations. What's more, the P.A.s claim they were not allowed to leave their posts for even a minute to eat or use the bathroom, forcing them to relieve themselves into bottles and buckets in their cars. Which probably helped to keep bystanders away, but still sucks. These working conditions, and the lack of overtime pay, are especially egregious considering that these four car-poopers were working on blockbuster movies like TMNT, The Wolf of Wall Street, and Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon. That last title alone made Paramount more than a billion dollars. Maybe next time, some of that could go toward renting a Porta-Potty. Little-known fact: the mountain in the Paramount logo is actually a giant pile of poop.
I mentioned just now that there's a cat that looks like Adam Driver... but did you know there's other animals that look like the stars from Star Wars? Like this one for instance...

Haha. So, do you like pie graphs? I do. So, I did some research and put it into a pie graph.

By the way, Tom Brady has a new job...

Turnovers, anyone? Hahahahaha. So, in the next few months I thought it'll be fun to show you photos  that show why presidential candidates really shouldn't pose with kids.

"This is the worst moment of my life." By the way, that's not me in the red jersey. Haha. This month is the Phile's 10th anniversary month and I am showing you pictures of what people look like when they are reading the Phile. Check it out, kids...

Wonder what he is reading. At work, I see a lot of strange people that I swear are aliens. Aliens do exist.

Arrest my case. Okay, and now let's see who booked a one-way ticket to Dirt City...

Abe Vigoda
February 24th, 1921 — January 26th, 2016
Go, Fish.

All through this month for the Phile's anniversary I have been showing you some Mindphucks sent in from my readers. Some were a success, some pissed people off. Let's see how today's goes...

I don't see it... if you figure it out let me know. Okay, before I continue I have to mention something... on Saturday the Phile's good friend Laird Jim had a stroke or so it seems. He's in hospital on Long Island and doctors are doing tests on him. Knowing Laird I think he will bounce back goods new, but keep him in your prayers. I will try and keep you updated as news comes in. Meanwhile, it's time to talk football with my good friend Jeff.

Me: Hey, Jeff, welcome back. How are you?

Jeff: Hey, Jason. I'm doing okay after a weekend that didn't quite turn out the way I wanted it to. That's Mother Nature for you!

Me: That sucks. I'm sorry. So, the Broncos and the Panthers are going to the Super Bowl. Are you surprised? I kinda wanted Arizona to go.

Jeff: Carolina went 15-1 in the regular season so it's hardly a surprise they are in the Super Bowl. Denver is a surprise though.

Me: I'm glad the Patriots are not going, are you?

Jeff: I'm glad New England isn't that's for sure!

Me: Alright, so, what's the deal with this female coach for the Bills? What do you think of that?

Jeff: I'm all for equality in sports. If she's qualified to be an assistant coach then that's great. There's no reason she should be viewed as a female assistant coach. She is an assistant coach who happens to be female.

Me: Okay, so, how did we do with our last picks, Jeff?

Jeff: I'm sorry (well sorry but not sorry) that you went 0-2 and I went 1-1. So with that I clinch the season victory!

Me: I can still win if I pick the Super Bowl winning team? Wait, I don't think I can! Shit!!!

Jeff: Mathematically you're eliminated. I lead by six.

Me: Ugh! I was in the lead the whole season! Let's do the final picks of the season... I say Panthers by 4, what do you say?

Jeff: My final pick is Carolina by 7.

Me: Alright. We both pick the same team but but different points. See you here in a few weeks. Take care.

Jeff: See you in a few weeks.

The 44th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Phile Alum and author Jeremy Croston will be a guest on the Phile next Sunday.

Lisa Ann
Lisa Ann is a former America pornographic actress, best known for portraying Sarah Palin as both a character and a metaphor for what she would have done to the country if she'd ever become President.

Today's pheatured guest is a fantastic singer and musician who has some great releases on iTunes... "Noise and Silence," her singles "Get Happy" and "Dance With Nobody." Her newest release is a duet of "Chandelier" with Ari Herstand. She's one of my favorite people I met since I started interviewing people here on this blog. Please welcome back to the Phile... the lovely and wonderful... Neara Russell!

Me: Neara! Welcome back to the Phile for it's 10th anniversary month. I know you were just here a few weeks ago but you are one of my favorite people I met doing this stupid little blog I really wanted you back here. How are you? How was your Christmas?

Neara: Happy New Year, Jay! Thanks for having me back. My holidays were cold and snowy back home in the midwest. Went on a road trip back to L.A. which was an adventure!

Me: So, I forgot to mention this last time you were here but you recorded a single called "Chandelier" with a guy named Ari Herstand. How did you two meet and decide to record together? 

Neara: Ari is a dear friend of mine, also from Wisconsin. We were introduced when I first moved to L.A. When he wanted to cover “Chandelier," the song by artist Sia, I was his first choice for those screaming high vocals!

Me: Are you two gonna be recording any new music together?

Neara: Not that we have planned, but that would be fun sometime!

Me: Last time you were here you mentioned you liked a band called Walk the Moon or something. I never heard of them at the time but since then I heard their catchy song a lot. How does it go? This is the best song you hear or something? Not exactly. Anyway, have you seen them live? What do you like about them?

Neara: Yep, they are great dudes! We met backstage at a radio show when I was a new fan of theirs. We’ve stayed in touch and I get to see them when they’re in town. Caught their headlining show at the Greek Theater last fall. They have infectious positive energy and have earned every bit of their success!

Me: If they asked you to go on tour opening for them would you drop everything and do so?

Neara: Anytime.

Me: I saw a picture of you and Weird Al... I have to show it here...

Me: I have been wanting him on the Phile but just interviewed Bermuda Schwartz his drummer twice. Anyway, how did you meet him, Neara? Did you guys work together? Was he cool?

Neara: Yeah, I met him briefly at a rehearsal space. He was totally cool! I was a big fan growing up and was too shy to say anything to him. We got a picture together though.

Me: I saw him once at Epcot backstage but that was years and years ago. Anyway, do you get star struck? Is there anybody you'd love to meet but never did?

Neara: I don’t usually get star struck. Working in the business, I see celebrities in sweatpants and no makeup and totally get that they are normal people with unusual jobs. I’m hoping to meet Sheryl Crow someday. She was my idol growing up.

Me: I met her once... she was in a golf cart at a celebrity golf tournament... she was having problems with her video camera and I asked her if she needed help and she said no. My sister took a pic... let me see if I have it. There.

Me: Okay, back to you... So, you live in L.A. still, right?

Neara: Yes, I do.

Me: When you are not playing what do you do for fun? Did you see the new Star Wars movie?

Neara: Haha, no, I like to read and go hiking in the mountains around L.A. I’m getting more into cooking and nutrition, hanging out at farmers markets like it’s my job.

Me:  I love the cover of "Chandelier" more than the original which I don't like. I'd shit brick if you did a cover of a Foghat song, Neara. Hint, hint. Have you heard my bands music... Strawberry Blondes Forever? What do you think?

Neara: Aw, no, I haven’t yet! Send me a link.

Me: So, last time you were here you were plugging your single "Dance With Nobody." You released that just as Neara. Why was that?

Neara: Yeah, I wanted to keep the release simple. Everyone still knows who I am without the last name! Someday I may invent a band name, as well.

Me: Are you gonna be releasing any new music soon?

Neara: Working on it! I’ve been writing a bunch of new songs with different producers. I premiered several of them this week at the NAMM music conference in Anaheim, during my live performance. 

Me: So, I am asking my Alum guesses this is the Phile's 10th anniversary where they were and what they were doing in 2006. So, what were you doing? Playing music I am sure.

Neara: Wow... I started college that year! I was awarded my full scholarship to Berklee College of Music, appeared on the NPR music show From the Top… It was an exciting year.

Me: Any big plans for 2016, Neara?

Neara: Writing more and working on some high-profile projects. Will be another adventurous year in music!

Me: Very cool! Okay, thanks so much for being on the Phile. I still want you to visit in Orlando... you know that. Mention your website and come back again soon.

Neara: Neararussell.com. Thanks for having me!

Me: Anytime!

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. It's late and way past my bedtime. Haha. Thanks to my guests Jeff Trelewicz and Neara Russell. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Phile Alum Holly Elle. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Get better, Laird!

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

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