Hey there, welcome to the Phil for a Wednesday. What's up, kids? Anybody excited for the Oscars next month? I'd boycott the Oscars but I'm dying to see Chris Rock make fun of people boycotting the Oscars. The snowstorms in The Revenant are almost as blindingly white as the 2016 Oscar nominees. Yesterday on ABC's daytime talk show (yell show?) "The View," the ladies discussed Jada Pinkett Smith's #OscarsSoWhite boycott and Whoopi Goldberg came out swinging... by saying that boycotting the Oscars would just hurt its host, Chris Rock, who is only the second black solo host in Oscar history (Goldberg was the first). Goldberg also said that the problem wasn't the Oscars, it was the movie industry as a whole, and that the ceremony was a scapegoat for institutional problems within the industry. It's similar to what Lupita N'yongo said yesterday, except on "The View," so 100 times more shout-y. "I make movies for a living. Let me tell you what the problem is... It's not that the people doing the nominating are too white," she said. "The problem is the people who can be helping to make movies that have blacks and latinos and women and all that... that money doesn't come to you because the idea is that there is no place for black movies. Chris Rock is the host of the Academy Awards and so to boycott him seems just as bad as what everybody is saying," she said. "We have this conversation every year and it pisses me off." "Boycotting doesn't work and it's also a slap in the face to Chris Rock," she added.
Look out, East Coast... a "potentially crippling, possibly even historic" blizzard is headed your way, just in time for the weekend. Hurray! Snow! Everyone loves snow, right? Severe, incapacitating, property-damaging, life-threatening snow. Thanks, polar vortex!
See? Global warming's not real. A blizzard for the ages! One to tell your grandchildren about, assuming you make it out alive. According to one meteorologist, the "primo" spot for snowfall will likely be the area between Washington, D.C. and Philadelphia. Congratulations, you guys! As we all know, weather is a fickle bitch, and a lot could change before then, so the East Coast might not be crushed in a massive onslaught of paralyzing, high-impact snow. But keep your snow shovels and sleds handy, and maybe put 911 on speed dial, just in case. I, of course, live in Florida and will be enjoying the sunshine.
According to a new report from the American Council of Trustees and Alumni, one in 10 college graduates think Judge Judy is on the Supreme Court. Roughly the same percentage thinks the Supreme Court is just a regular court with sour cream. If you're among that 10 percent, congrats on finishing college, and also on reading this many words in a row... you're doing great. Sorry to drop this truth bomb on you, but Judge Judy (aka Judith Sheindlin) is not reigning on the highest court in the land. She's been busy for the last 20 years giving zero fucks on her TV show. She is however the author of "Don't Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It's Raining," so maybe that's where you got confused. There were some other highly alarming facts about what a bunch of dipshits college grads are, and you can read the full report here... goacta.org/publications/a_crisis_in_civic_education but it's way too depressing. Just look at this pic of Judge Judy in a bikini instead.
Now, maybe go read a textbook or something.
Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin's oldest son Track was arrested in their hometown Wasilla on Monday and charged with domestic violence and possessing a weapon while intoxicated. He was released on $1,500 bail later that day. The family's attorney, John Tiemessen, issued a statement saying "We appreciate the press respecting the family's privacy as Track receives the help that he and many of our returning veterans need." According to police records obtained by Gawker, Wasilla police went to a home owned by Sarah and Todd Palin police after receiving a 911 call from a woman who said that she had been punched in the face by a male who also had a gun. Police then received a call from Track Palin, who said that the woman who previously called them was drunk. When they showed up Track Palin was outside, with a visible eye injury and breath that smelled like alcohol, and was being "uncooperative, belligerent and evasive." They arrested him due to his “escalating hostility” and to the “unknown whereabouts” of the victim. When police found the victim, reportedly Palin's girlfriend of one year, she was “hiding and crying underneath a bed." She told them that earlier that night Palin had hit her in the face, kicked her, and threatened to kill himself while holding a rifle to his head. Prior to this, Track Palin's run-ins with police have been mostly limited to traffic violations. In 2014, the entire family was involved in a "backwoods brawl at a snowmobile party," (uh huh, go on) in which Bristol Palin reportedly punched a guy in the face "like six times," but while police were called to the scene, no charges were filed. In a statement to the "New York Times," the Anchorage Police Department mentioned that "alcohol was believed to have been a factor in the incident." Oh, really? Palin's arrest comes on the heels of his mother's official endorsement of Donald Trump for the Republican Party presidential candidate. No word on if the two incidents are related. Probably not.
Greg Armfield, a photographer for the nonprofit WWF-UK, recently became the subject of a photograph himself when someone noticed that Armfield wasn't pointing his camera at the humping rhinos behind him during an expedition in Kenya's Nairobi National Park. This was obviously a grave oversight, so an unnamed photographer captured the beauty of Armfield missing the sweet rhino-on-rhino action...
The "Daily Mail" reported that Armfield was in Kenya for a "lion collaring expedition," so hopefully he missed the photo of rhinos having sex because he was taking a picture of lions having sex.
Posing with kids is a cheap publicity stunt that usually backfires on the politicians who try it, because what interest does a child have in government? The same amount as an adult, honestly, but they're worse than grown-ups at hiding their emotions. 2016's presidential candidates have been no exception, trying their best to benefit from the looks of cute kids or vaguely interested tweens. Keyword: trying. Most of the time, all the candidate has done is prove that they can successfully create a terrible photo. so, with that said leading up to the elections this year I will be showing you photos that show why presidential candidates really shouldn't pose with kids. For example,
there was that time Donald Trump grabbed a youngster's cheeks.
"I'll never be able to wash that off." haha. So, working with the public like I do, I meet some people that I swear are aliens. Yeah, I think aliens exist. Here's proof...
Ack! That's fucking scary! Did you see Kylo Ren go on "Undercover Boss" to see how The First Order really feels about him on "Saturday Night Live"? Well, if you enjoyed that you might like this...
If you didn't see it I'll tell you about it... Adam Driver hosted "SNL" on Saturday night, and brought his Force Awakens character Kylo Ren with him. To tide us over until Rogue One comes out on 12/16/16 or until Episode VIII comes out on 5/26/17 (but who's counting?), "SNL" gave fans the ultimate Star Wars fix by sending Kylo Ren on "Undercover Boss" to find out how the Stormtroopers and technicians on Starkiller Base really feel. "You get so caught up at returning the galaxy to its rightful state," he said, "That you miss what's going on behind the scenes." You kids like video games? There's a new one coming out...
Okay, so, January the Phile is celebrating it's 10th anniversary and I am showing you pictures of real life people having fun reading the Phile. Like these people...
Guess he doesn't want her to see the Mindphuck. Ha. Okay, and now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...
Top Phive Pros And Cons Of Donald Trump Being Allowed In The U.K.
5. If hr's in the U.K., he's not in the U.S.
4. Upon meeting the Queen he'd call her "a no-talent loser with zero business sense who deserves to get schlonged."
3. Finally, America gets its payback from the Stamp Act of 1756.
2. We'd witness the unsettling side-by-side comparison between his hair and a palace guard's hat.
And the number one pro and con of Trump being allowed in the U.K. is...
1. He'd probably be wildly popular there, too.
This is turing out not to be such a great idea... I had you readers send in your own Mindphucks for January that I have been showing you on the Phile and some of you are getting so frustrated. But lee them coming... it's less work for me.
Today in Bullshit: a 10-year-old Muslim boy in England who misspelled a word on a school assignment got his family invasively probed by police who took the mistake for proof of extremist activity, the BBC reported. The mistake in question? The unnamed boy wrote that he was living in a "terrorist house." He meant to write "terraced house." Say both of those phrases out loud and you'll see it's an easy mistake to make, especially if you're 10. It's more proof that being a Muslim kid is hard. The day after the kid made the spelling error in December, the boy was interviewed by police at his home. Cops also went through the family laptop. Understandably, the family wants the school and police to apologize. "You can imagine it happening to a 30-year-old man, but not to a young child," the boy's cousin said. "If the teacher had any concerns it should have been about his spelling. They shouldn't be putting a child through this. He's now scared of writing, using his imagination."
Even these stock image kids are like "fuck this shit."
November 6th, 1948 — January 18th, 2016
Looks like he checked out AND left.
The 44th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Phile Alum and author Jeremy Croston will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks or so.
Today's pheatured guest is the lead singer for the cool Canadian rock band The Bandicoots who have a new video and song out called "Overnight Innovator." Please welcome back to the Phile... Justin Ross!
Me: Hey, man, welcome back to the Phile. How have you been?
Justin: Glad to be back. Better, now that I’m here.
Me: That's good! You're based in Hamilton, Canada, am I right? For some reason over the years I have interviewed a lot of bands and musicians from there. Does Hamilton have a large music scene? I think that's a stupid question.
Justin: I think Hamilton is apart of that whole middle class, blue collar, cliche. We’re all really bored, so we pick up guitars, you know?
Me: Are their any cool record shops in Hamilton?
Justin: For sure, which is nice since we prefer listening on vinyl. There’s two main shops; Cheapies and Dr. Disc. Dr. Disc throws these roof top gigs during the summer, which is really cool. You get to feel like The Beatles for 30 minutes.
Me: Alright, so, I am a big fan of your band... and I love the last EP "This Is Why we Can't Have Nice Things." The song from that EP "Mind Your Manors" is one of my favorite songs from last year, Justin. I have to ask, who does that cool guitar part in the song?
Justin: Thank you, appreciate that. What I like about our first EP was that the songs seemed to come out of nowhere. They’d almost write themselves. But to answer your question, that was me. Nick lets me play up high on the fretboard every once in a while.
Me: What type of guitar is it?
Justin: Most of my parts on the first EP were recorded on my Fender Stratocaster, but I plugged in my Epiphone hollow-body for that.
Me: Okay, so, who else is in the band with you, Justin?
Justin: Alphabetically, or by height?
Justin: Andrew Parkinson, Lorant Polya, Nicolai Kozel.
Me: Do you all take turns songwriting?
Justin: I like to think it’s more of a collaboration than any one of us individually.
Me: You have a new single out and video for the song "Overnight Innovator." That's a scary video... haha. What is the concept and who came up with it?
Justin: Nick and I got together one afternoon and mapped that one out. I had just watched The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus and was digging the surreal-travelling-circus vibe. Mix that in with the lyrics, and that’s what we came up with. We probably shouldn’t direct the videos, haha.
Me: Was it filmed in Hamilton?
Justin: Yup. Just down the street from my apartment, in Westdale.
Me: There's a lot of running in the video... and there as a lot running in the last video for "Mind Your Manors." Is that a coincidence?
Justin: We have to make our transition into olympic athletes somehow.
Me: This year you are coming out with a new EP called "Quarters at the Penny-Arcade." Where did that name come from, Justin?
Justin: I was reading a book and came across the word “penny-arcade," and just sort of liked how it looked on paper. And I mean, having quarters at a penny arcade seems kinda playfully pessimistic.
Me: How is this EP gonna be different then your first one?
Justin: We paid Paul McCartney big bucks to write it for us, so hopefully better.
Me: Funny! How long did it take you to record?
Justin: We had planned on three days, but ended up going in a few more times. I remember the one day after about an 8 hour session, we were having some drinks to loosen up while we were finishing some guitar parts. I guess I had a few too many and was dragging a good bar behind the track. I mean, I thought it sounded good...
Me: Oh, man, I have to congratulate you... "Overnight Innovator" made CBC Radio 3's top indie tune for last year, am I right?
Justin: Thanks, dude. We were pretty excited about that.
Me: Is that a big thing in Canada?
Justin: Massive. I’m honestly not sure. I’ll say yes...
Me: Last time you were here you mentioned your girlfriend wants to start an all girl band called Barenaked Men I think it was called. Haha. How is that going?
Justin: It’s not catching on the same way the Barenaked Ladies did... I’m not sure why.
Me: Hmmmm. You said you are not a big fan of there's, right?
Justin: I was just digging “Lovers In A Dangerous Time” on the radio a couple hours ago. I’m always down for some Ladies.
Me: What bands do you like?
Me: You're funny. As I said I interviewed lots of bands and singers from Hamilton, but can you name someone I should interview? Chances are I did already though. Haha.
Justin: Anyone Michael Keire has worked with, if that helps. Or even Michael Keire himself.
Me: Okay, I'll look him up. Have you seen Adam Bentley lately? You gotta tell him I said hello.
Justin: We should be meeting up with him in the next couple weeks. I’ll pass a hello along.
Me: Okay, so, on the Phile I am asking my guests what they were doing ten years ago as this year is the Phile's 10th anniversary. So, what were you doing ten years ago?
Justin: Congrats on the decade! Let’s see. I was 11, so... probably looking at things I shouldn’t have been looking at on the Internet.
Me: Nice. Thanks so much for being on the Phile. Mention your website and please come back when the new EP comes out. All the best, Justin.
Justin: Thanks for having us back, JP. The Bandicoots thebandicootsmusic.com.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Justin Ross for a cool interview. The Phile will be back next Tuesday with Phile Alum Neara Russell. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker