Saturday, November 30, 2013

Pheaturing Tabitha Lyons

Dun dun de dun, dun dun de dun, dun dun de dun, dun dun DE dun, dun dun de dun, dun dun de dun, dun dun de dun, OOH EE OOOOO! Haha. I'm sorry, I have the "Doctor Who" theme in my head for some reason. How are you? This is the last day of November, kids. Already. 2013 is almost over, can you believe it?  I realize that this may come as a big disappointment to everyone out there, but that former-Marine gay waitress in New Jersey I've talked about last week might not have actually been mistreated by a bigoted straight couple. I know! It is quite a shock. But apparently the people whom Dayna Morales claimed stiffed her on a tip because they supposedly did not approve of her "lifestyle" have come forth with their copy of bill, and it looks like these in-real-life-gay-rights-supporting monsters tipped her $18, which is about 20%. You see, this is why we can't have bad things. Kids, here's a lesson for you... Money can’t buy happiness but here's the thing... happiness is a hoax and money is awesome.  It would appear as thought the Rhinoderma darwinii, commonly referred to as "Darwin's frog" because its appearance as a dead leaf offers it camouflage and a supposed leg up in natural selection has gone extinct, the victim of a skin-infecting fungal disease. Thus disproving the theory of evolution. Check and mate, science!  South Carolina police are not one-hundred percent sure how a car ended up on the roof of a home in a suburban neighborhood of Forest Acres, but they have a strong suspicion that drugs might have been at least a small factor. And not just because... Well, it's a car on a roof. But also because there was a bunch of crack cocaine inside the abandoned car.  News anchor Katie Couric announced that she will be leaving network television to continue her journalistic career with the network television of the Internet: "It's very exciting to be a part of a leading company at the intersection of content and technology," Couric said, apparently in reference to Yahoo. Hey, she's gonna be doing news on Yahoo, I'm doing news on Google. Crazy, right?  It's hard to say whether this is a real thing with which people need to actually concern themselves, or if it's just this week's "Knock Out" news story, but on the off chance that there is anybody out there who is genuinely considering eating fruit juice-soaked cotton balls instead of real food as a means of weight loss, please do not fruit juice-soaked cotton balls instead of real food as a means of weight loss. As if this needed to be stated, eating cotton balls is not good for you. This is confirmed by actual medically-trained doctors, as well as common fucking sense.  So, did you kids go Black Friday shopping yesterday? I didn't go last year and I didn't go this year. If you asked a kid today why it was called Black Friday, they probably wouldn't know that it's because retailers traditionally lost money all year... until the massive sales after Thanksgiving sent them into profitability (i.e. "into the black"). They would probably just tell you that it's called Black Friday, obviously, because it is pure, unmitigated evil. Frankly, evil is a much better reason for calling it that. Anyway, if you never done Black Friday shopping, you don't know what you're missing. Check it out...

That's every Walmart now. Haha.  So, you know Blockbuster is going out of business, right? Have you seen their new ad?

I don't get it. I think I do but I'm not sure.  So, did you have turkey on Thanksgiving? There was one company that put out some strange looking turkey. You gotta see it.

Oh my God... I have posted some really stupid shit on this blog before but I think that takes the cake. A Miley Cyrus turkey. It's not even that funny. I'm so lame. Alright, who has Facebook? I have Facebook, I think a lot of you kids do. There's some interesting stories Facebook related, and sometimes on the Phile I like to share them. So, once again, here's a pheature called...

What is the groom supposed to do after the vows of love and obey? Kiss the bride? Hmmm, not in a geek's wedding. Before kissing the bride, Dana Hanna, a Software Developer took his cellphone and updated his relationship status on Facebook and Twitter. He also handed one over to his new wife to do the same. We appreciate you keep us informed Dana, but I hope you don't do the same at every stage of your honeymoon… We get the picture anyways @;)

If you spot the Mindphuck email me at Okay, before we move on I wanna mention something... back in March if you remember it was "The Great Space Coaster" month. I still wanna support the show so if you would like to help "The Great Space Coaster" in their efforts to digitize and preserve the original episodes of the show, then check out their latest campaign! Go to eBay and search for "Save the Great Space Coaster" to find some really cool one-of-a-kind Holiday gifts. Here's a link, kids. Alright, Laird Jim is one of the luckiest people I know. He's also a patriot, singer and renaissance man. You know what time it is...

So at the end of my time with a client, she hands me a small package and says, "Happy Hannukah"I thanked her and began to unwrap it... she says, "No... wait until you get home." I get home and tear off the wrapping... It's a porn DVD... I laugh and smile, look at the cover closely and it's my client who's the star of the movie... A very awkward moment for me, indeed... I'm not even Jewish.

It's 4:48 pm, 72°F and Kelly is on the cover of PARADE magazine.

Hey, maybe she can come over and decorate our Christmas tree. No, she can't, she's married and pregnant now. Agghhhhhh!!!

Today's pheatured guest is 37th artist to be pheatured in the Phile's Art Gallery. She works for an company called Artyfakes, and she is also a cosplayer and is from England, so that's really cool. Please welcome to the Phile... Tabitha Lyons.

Me: Hey, Tabitha, welcome to the Phile. My God, you're gorgeous. How are you?

Tabitha: Haha... I'm fine thank you :) I have just come back from England's biggest convention so slightly tired mixed with lots of excite!

Me: Okay, you're from England, right? What part?

Tabitha: I was born in Cambridge, but was brought up in the East of London. I have now left the city life and currently living in Norfolk as a country bumpkin.

Me: I was born in London but grew up on Long Island, New York. Ever been to the States before?

Tabitha: I have not sadly, though I am currently saving all of my pennies to try and visit next year.

Me: I read you have been larping since you were 8. I have no idea what larping is. Shit, I just found out what twerking was a few months ago. So, what is larping?

Tabitha: Haha. Larping is short for LIVE ACTION ROLE PLAY, it's cleaner then what it sounds, it's like bringing a character to life! Instead of sitting down playing table top, or controlling your avatar on an Xbox game you're walking around, with a sword in your hand or being a princess, stealing the jewels.

Me: Huh. That's cool. Okay, you work for a company called Artyfakes, am I right? That company builds props and stuff. When did you start working for them and getting into the prop building business?

Tabitha: I got a Saturday job when I was 12 with a company where my dad used to work, So I have always been around the industry, whilst at school, collage other jobs. We decided to take our work to the next level and started Artyfakes in 2007.

Me: It looks like hard work, Tabitha. Is it hard work?

Tabitha: Very. However I wouldn't want to do anything else.

Me: I am sure it could be fun though. So, how many people do you work with?

Tabitha: It can be yes, it give us the chance to be kids again, we now have a team of about 7.

Me: Are these props built for TV and movies or home use?

Tabitha: Each item we make we is to order so what specifications are need for one job may not be required for another for instance a cosplay weapon may not be suited for LARP as you have to 'hit' people within the game. But yes, we have made props for TV, movies, home and much more.

Me: Do you sell them?

Tabitha: That's what we do. We have a catalogue of items where people can purchase from our website, or we can give no obligation quotes on anything the customer requires, as we can pretty much make anything.

Me: What was the largest prop you have worked on?

Tabitha: The largest prop I have worked on is the job we are currently on. We decided to make a 16ft ride on dragon.

Me: It looks like you do quite a bit of "Games of Thrones" pieces. Are you a fan of that show? I have never seen it myself.

Tabitha: I am a massive fan of the show! The books are sitting in my room! I don't want to start reading them until the show comes to an end, I'm scareed if I start now it may ruin what I have with "G.O.T." already... LOL. GO WATCH THEM NOW!!! DO ITTTTTT!

Me: I can't right now, I'm working on this blog. Haha. What other TV shows are you into? "Doctor Who"? Are you a Star Wars fan as well?

Tabitha: I am a massive "Supernatural" fan, loved "Firefly" and the classic "Buffy" and "Angel".

Me: Okay, so, you cosplay... I said this before, Tabitha, when I went to my first comic book convention in the 80s there was no cosplaying and even worse no hot girls there. Then it seems over the years more people are cosplaying then ever at the conventions, and girls are wearing less and less. I was born twenty years too late. Haha. Anyway, how long have you been cosplaying?

Tabitha: I do cosplay and only started last year.

Me: It's really big in America and some of my friends cosplay. Does it have a big following in England?

Tabitha: It's definitly getting there, with shows like "Big Bang" and superohero movies becoming more main stream, cosplay is becoming more popular. We just have less people in this country ;)

Me: Good point. When and what was the first convention you went to?

Tabitha: My first convention was in May 2012 at Mark Miller's Kapow. I even won a prize from the man himself! The best introduction to the cosplay society. It was a good day.

Me: How many characters do you dress up as and what one is your favorite?

Tabitha: I have done so many over the years including my own characters it would be hard to say, I love them all for there very own reasons... characters that stand out for me is Kitiara, Juliet Starling and my Larp character Kit!

Me: Some of the characters you dress up as I know... Rogue, She-Hulk, Lara Croft... but there's one that caught my eye I have no idea who she is... it's the cheerleader Juliet Starling. Who is she?

Tabitha: She is in a computer game called "Lollipop Chainsaw" which is an 18 plus. She is a cheerleader for San Romero who is secretly a zombie hunter with the rest of her family.

Me: Do you design and create the costumes yourself or just the props?

Tabitha: I work with the rest of the team to get best overall look. We like to create the whole costumes are self, whilst adding an Artyfakes twist :)

Me: That Iron Man gauntlet is really cool, Tabitha. How do you start to build something like that? What is it made out of and did you get the specs from watching the movie a thousand times, or from pictures?

Tabitha: We have never used pepakura before and it was a great excuse, unlike everything else we have done before we used templates that were already on the net, we soon changed them and made it our own design :) Yes, Google images also helped along with the movie. 

Me: Is it comfortable to wear?

Tabitha: For an armoured arm, yes. It's made from foam and latex so very light weight unlike wood which I have seen at cons before, foam is much safer to!

Me: There's a great photo of you as Rogue lifting a Sentinel mask above your head which I showed here last weekend. That piece looks heavy but I guess it isn't. How heavy is it really?

Tabitha: Not heavy at all for a prop of that size, buit after wearing heels all day and holding it in the air for five hours it starts to hurt ;)

Me: Okay, I have to ask about the one character you dress as... read hair, a sword or knife and very little armour. You are practically naked. I have to show a picture...

Me: Who is that and you must be very comfortable with your body, am I right?

Tabitha: That character is Red Sonja, a very confident lady she is. I try to portray characters as much as I can, Like Larp I try to bring to bring them to life. Like most people my body confidence goes up and down, I used to be a dancer so I'm used to wearing scantily clad clothes... that doesn't mean I like to get naked all of the time.

Me: Do you work out?

Tabitha: When I have time yes, and yes I should make more time... haha.

Me: Okay, I have to ask you about this, Tabitha. You were on a TV show in England called "Take Me Out". Is this a dating game show? You looked so different then.

Tabitha: Yes I was and yes it is, I was on the first series so didn't really know what to expect.

Me: When was this and did you win?

Tabitha: It wasn't really a win or lose kind of program, but I learnt a lot and met a friend for life who know cosplays with me, I would do it all again in a heart beat.

Me: I find it very hard to believe you have to go on a game show to get a date. You must have a lot of guy fans, am I right?

Tabitha: "Take Me Out" was nearly five years ago, I didn't have much 'fans' when I was younger.

Me: Do guys ever hit on you creepily?

Tabitha: Hahaha... I have few creepy stories to tell...

Me: Do you get recognized from being on this show or did you?

Tabitha: I do, even now five years later.. it's quite embarrassing.

Me: I wouldn't be embarrassed, Tabitha. And you were back-up dancer for different singers and bands? Anybody we might've heard of?

Tabitha: American artists you might know... Solider Boy and Genuine plus premier football and rugby teams like West Ham.

Me: What kinda bands are you into anyway?

Tabitha: I love music, pretty much every thing that's not James Blunt.

Me: Okay, so, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics... are you ready? This is random I promise! If you could change one thing about the way you look what would it be?

Tabitha: My forehead.

Me: I'd change pretty much everything about me. There's nothing wrong with your forehead by the way. Tabitha, thanks for being on the Phile. Come to Orlando and I'll show you around Disney World. Go ahead and plug all your websites and please come back soon. I hope this was fun.

Tabitha: Thank you for spending some time with me and trust me I will hold you to that! My Facebook page:, Twitter: @artyfakes, Instagram: @artyfakes, Artyfakes Facebook:, I think that's about it. Haha. Thanks again!

Me: Good job, Tabitha, and please come back on the Phile next year.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Laird Jim and of course Tabitha Lyons. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Phile Alum Kaz Simmons and on Monday Phile Alum Ben Talmi, the lead singer for the band Art Decade. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Strawberry Blondes Forever!

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