Sunday, November 3, 2013

Pheaturing Andreas Vanderbraindrain From The Tuesday Club

You are the bow tie to my suspenders, the fez to my Stetson, sonic to my screwdriver, the fish fingers to my custard, eggs to my souffle, centurion to my Pandorica, you are the key to my TARDIS you are the sweetie to my river. Okay, I have to stop. That is so ridiculous, people. Hello, and welcome to the Phile. It's November, kids. This month "Doctor Who" turns 50 and I turn 45. Crazy. Oh, and my son turns 14. So, how are you?  So, once again, as it has nearly every year for the past several decades, Daylight Saving Time swept across the nation, leaving early darkness, alarm clock confusion and untold chaos in its wake. If you or someone you know is affected by DST, perhaps you should consider seeking legal action against the U.S. government. There's apparently this one lawyer guy in Grand Rapids, Michigan who specializes in can't lose cases like this.  Okay, so, I have to mention this... American baseball fans have seemingly fallen under the sway of a new curse, one which forces them to endure not only Boston Red Sox World Series wins every couple of years... as evidenced by Wednesday night's 6-1 Sox series-ending win over the St. Louis Cardinals. But also obnoxious fans of the team attempting to string celebratory words together into victorious sentences. The curse is only matched in severity by a similar scourge involving the New York Yankees, which has been beleaguering the nation for decades. Hey, did the Red Sox coach get a cooler full of steaming hot clam chowder poured over his head?  Did you hear about the woman pulled over for driving with Google Glass. How'd they know? Turns out they were just pulling over all people who looked ridiculous. A San Francisco woman who disgustingly refers to herself as a "Google Glass pioneer," was pulled over by a police officer and issued a ticket for "driving with monitor visible to driver," because she was seemingly unwilling to take the computer off her face while driving her car. The indignant early adopter inquired on Google+ (of course) if people knew of "any other #GlassExplorers" who were similarly subjugated." #Gross.  New York's city council voted to make the city the first in the country to raise the age limit for purchasing cigarettes from 18 to 21, in an apparent attempt to discourage younger residents from picking up the habit of smoking. It will also have the extra benefit of giving young people a few extra years to save up enough money to buy a pack from their local bodega. Next year, 17 year olds in NYC will have to teach 19-year-olds in NYC how to get cigarettes.  Seemingly amazed that the one billion users, whose online activities it regularly tracks on a daily basis, allow it to get away with the shit that it does, Facebook has decided that, fuck it, it's gonna go ahead and track every move of their goddamn cursors as well. Assuming this is met with the same lack of resistance as its other endeavors, we can probably expect the site to require mandatory colonoscopy cameras in its terms of service within a year.  A 12 year old boy was sentenced to ten years in juvenile detention for shooting his father... a leader in a local neo-Nazi group... in the head with one of the man's guns two years ago. Joseph Hall later explained that he was tired of his father Jeff Hall's physically abusive behavior toward himself and his mother, and he didn't want to have to choose between the two parents, who were in the midst of a divorce. Well, that choice certainly is off the table at this point.  Spokespeople for Hallmark apologized for replacing the word "gay" with "fun" in the classic "Deck the Halls" lyric "Don we now our gay apparel" on a Christmas tree ornament it was selling. The company has yet to apologize for the ornament's otherwise hideous nature. Did you see it? Check it out.

I wonder how much that ornament is going to go on eBay. Maybe if I remember I will check in a few days and letcha know next week.  A 63 year old Grand Rapids, Michigan gem merchant is seeking $25 million from the FBI, because he claims to sent the federal agency a letter alerting them to international terrorist Osama bin Laden's location in Abbottabad, Pakistan back in 2003. The lawsuit did not stipulate what actor should portray him in Kathryn Bigelow's now-inevitable reboot of Zero Dark Thirty.  A report from Morgan Stanley Research has found that there are approximately 300 million too few cases of wine to meet the global demand generated from pop-up gastropubs, art showings and literary event after-parties. This comes as a result of a 5 percent drop in production due to poor weather conditions in France and Argentina last year. It's expected that some adjunct professors and studio curators may be forced to drink beer.  So, as I said this month "Doctor Who" is 50 years old. The BBC just released a new poster featuring show runner Steven Moffat that you should see.

So, do you kids like cosplaying? Well, if you do, there's a new inspirational poster that just came out.

Okay then. Moving on... have you seen XBox Live's latest ad? No? Well, I have it here.

I do not get it. So, in twenty days I turn 45. Man, I'm getting old. ANyway, if anyone thinks about getting me a birthday cake, don't get one for me like this.

2girls1cup cake: somehow I've just lost my appetite...  Okay, well, as you know I live in Florida, and there's a lot of strange news coming out of this state, more than any other state. So, once again here is a pheature I call...

A Florida man suffered second-degree burns after police said he set himself on fire putting up a Halloween display that involved lighting a wooden cross on fire. Ron Nielson, 50, was setting up the display with his wife outside their Palm Bay area home Tuesday. Neighbors told police Nielson was creating a circle of candles with a wooden cross in the middle when he accidentally lit himself on fire, according to Yvonne Martinez, a spokeswoman for the Palm Bay Police Department. “It started as some kind of prank, apparently, and involved a wooden cross. We don’t know if he was trying to light the cross or the candles but when he did, his clothes caught fire,” Martinez said, according to Florida Today. When Nielson poured gasoline onto the display, his clothes caught fire, leaving him with burns on about 50 percent of his body, mainly scarring his upper-torso area. The incident occurred around 8 p.m., Martinez said. Nielson was airlifted to the Orlando Regional Medical Center’s burn unit. His condition has not been disclosed. A fire marshal told Martinez the area where Nielson was setting up the display was not properly ventilated, which caused the vapors and Nielson’s clothes to catch fire. Doctors reported that they were unable to save his white robe.

If you spot the Mindphuck email me at Well, it's week 9 of the NFL football season so you know what that means. Please welcome back to the Phile my good friend Jeff and his fiancé Lori...

Me: Hey, you two, welcome back to the Phile.

Jeff: As usual it's great to be back on the Phile.

Me: First things first... Lori, my Giants beat your birds. What do you say? I was so happy.

Lori: Well, the Eagles have been having something of a quarterback crisis all season. Jeff and I are both Nick Foles fans, but last week with him out and Vick getting hurt again, Matt Barkley had to come in. I think he managed to throw more interceptions than Eli Manning! Though, to be fair, Manning had a decent game with shades of his old self. It was really a competition between the two defenses and I think ours stood up as best they could, at least the Giants didn't get any touchdowns!

Me: Good point. Before we talk about football, Jeff, lets talk about baseball. I don't like baseball but you do, right? Aren't you a Red Sox fan?

Jeff: Yes, I am a Red Sox fan. And of course I was very happy to see them win their third World Series title in the last 9 years. It's remarkable really when you think that prior to 2004 they hadn't won the World Series since 1918. Now three in that time.

Me: Did you have an idea it'll be that close, and did you think the Sox would win?

Jeff: I wasn't sure they were going to win. St. Louis was a strong team and didn't go down without a fight.

Me: How did you celebrate the win?

Jeff: I celebrated by staying up for the entire game and I am still trying to recover from that. It's sad, really.

Me: Alright, football talk. Any news this week worth mentioning?

Jeff: As always the biggest news of the football week is the number of injuries. Pretty soon I will be getting a call to try out for a team, and that will not be good! Every time you turn on a game you see someone getting injured. I don't know what else they can do to protect the players at this point. The other big news is the week that Lions receiver Calvin Johnson had against Dallas. In one game, he had 14 catches for 329 yards and a touchdown. It is the second most receiving yards in the history of the NFL for one game.

Me: Okay, I'm in last place, Lori is kicking our arses. How did we do this week?

Jeff: As far as our picks went this week, Lori was back to her winning ways going 2-0 while you and I both 1-1. The only difference is your team was the only one to win, so you gained a point. But she still leads 33 points to my 23 points to your 17 points.

Me: I'm still in last place? Agghhhh! Congrats, Lori, you're doing so good. Let's do this weeks picks... I say Detroit will be Miami by 15 and Kansas City will beat Buffalo by 14. What do you kids say?

Jeff: My picks for this week are Saints over the Jets by seven points and Seattle will win by 10 points.

Me: Lori?

Lori: I pick San Diego by 4 and Green Bay by 2.

Me: good job, see ya next week.

Jeff: See you next week!

It's 10:56 am, 67°F and get Kelly's exclusive Target edition of Kelly’s new Christmas album, "Wrapped In Red", featuring a bonus track and an extra “holiday favorite” today!

Okay, so, you know Laird Jim that is on the Phile pretty much every week, right? Well, that New Yorker has more gnads then I'll ever have. He's back here today with a crazy story that happened to him. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...

Okay... Halloween's over, so you know what THAT means... Let the Christmas songs begin.... It's not often that somebody pushes me to the point where I lose my cool... While driving, I witnessed a limo in front of me intentionally swerve in an attempt to hit a cat on the side of the road... barely missing him. I followed the car to gas station, walked over and asked the big Russian brute for change of a twenty. When he stepped out to reach in his pocket, I head butted him in the nose and as he staggered and bled... I spent the next 15 minutes beating the fucking shit out of him. As he layed there, trying to defend himself he blurted out, "Who are you? What have I done to you?" I explained what I saw him do... he looked at me as if I was crazy. I told him he was lucky I was in a good mood or he'd be in a coma. Yea... therapy's working out great for me.

Today's pheatured guest is the lead singer and guitarist for the U.K. band The Tuesday Club whose album "See You Next Tuesday" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Andreas Vanderbraindrain. And I thought Peverett was a weird last name.

Me: Hey, Andreas, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Andreas: Buzzing from this weekend's gig in our home town.

Me: I have to tell you you are one of my favourite bands from England right now. Where in England are you from?

Andreas: You are very kind. We hail from The Shire's (Hertfordshire mainly) with a little sprinkle of North London.

Me: I am from England as well, Balham to be precise. Do you guys know where that is?

Andreas: Yep, I actually did an TV interview last year at The Bedford, an amazing venue, I reckon that would suit The Tuesday Club (don't suppose you can put a word in?).

Me: Hmmmm... I haven't been to Balham since the 80s. There's eight of you in the band, which is a lot. How long have you all known each other and where did you all meet?

Andreas: We've know each other for varying amounts of time, but basically we met through being in other bands. The Tuesday Club is an amalgam of all of the committed members. Or members who should be committed!

Me: Are you all members of other bands as well?

Andreas: I kind of answered that before I guess, sorry, er not really, The TC's was supposed to be the other band, but all too soon has become THE band.

Me: How long as The Tuesday Club been together?

Andreas: I'd say two and a half years.

Me: You guys all have cool names... I guess cool is the word. Tell the readers who is in The Tuesday Club. Especially, who is the tall hot woman in the band?

Andreas: The Minx - vocals and cowbell, Glabrous Fabulous - thud bass, Wasabi Penis - heavy lead, The Beautiful Wolf - twang bass, Andreas Vanderbraindrain - vocals and guitar, Tittybar Telski - drums, J-Rod - twang lead, Rogerio Maruader - keys.

Me: If I was in the band, what would my new name be? 

Andreas: I think Peverett, gets you in straight away :-)

Me: Cool. I like your style, Andreas. You have been described as Dad's Army Spacerock. I was gonna ask you what that means and then I saw the video for "Ain't Got No Class" and I realised it meant. I have a screen shot from that video right here.

Me: You guys all look like you are from the TV show "Dad's Army", wearing your army jackets. The Minx took it a step further and is in fall army gear from the 50s. Who came up with the band's look?

Andreas: We all did really, eveyones got their own action man (or woman) look and personality… I've got gripping hands AND Eagle eyes!… we're well into 70s English sitcoms like "Dad's Army" and Carry On films, it was a bit of a 'mish-mash' of styles from sci-fi to Rocky Horror to "Dad's Army" and beyond!!!

Me: By the way, my American readers probably have no idea what "Dad's Army" is. Did you guys watch it? Can you tell my readers what the show was about? It was a comedy I think...

Andreas: Dad's Army is a 70s sitcom based on The Home Guard (set in 1940s coastal Britain) who were the last line of defence against German invasion of the World Wars of the last century, made up of all sorts of bizarre, but endearing characters… a bit like us :-)

Me: Three of the guys in the band didn't get the memo according to the video. What happened there? They are not in the army look.

Andreas: The look is flexible, The other guys are Spivs (wide boys, you want a cheap watch or nylons guvnor), they are your men.

Me: Your lyrics are so witty and fun. In my music project Strawberry Blondes Forever I try to write witty lyrics, but I'm no way as good as your lyrics. Who does the song writing in the band?

Andreas:  Lyrically it is I. I'd say some are witty, some are tongue in cheek, but there's a lot of sorrow and self deprecation too. Tales of life. Tears of a clown.

Me: You kids don't take yourselves seriously, am I right? You gotta have fun, am I right?

Andreas: Thousand percent. Life is too short.

Me: Do you guys play many shows?

Andreas: As many as we can.

Me: What is a typical show like you kids put on?

Andreas: Unpredictable, and entertaining (or so we are told). Imagine visiting a theatre, set in a 19th century asylum.

Me: And what are your fans like?

Andreas: Gorgeous. They really get into the look, we try and encourage mimicry, dress to impress (us).

Me: Anyway, I love the album "See You Next Tuesday" which I downloaded from iTunes. You released the album on white vinyl, was that limited edition?

Andreas: Yes, just 200 signed white vinyl copies. Thanks very much by the way, really appreciate the support, bonus tracks on the CD too!

Me: Do you have any vinyl's left?

Andreas: Few… not many though, great Xmas prezzies you know ;-)

Me: I love vinyl and would love a copy. Are you guys into vinyl as well?

Andreas: It has to be vinyl, it was all our dreams to do a vinyl LP. Everyone wants EPs. But we is RETRO, man.

Me: How long did it take you to record the album, Andreas?

Andreas: Two weekends, we did it live basically, the only thing we did separately were the vocals.

Me: So, I am trying to figure out who your influences would be. I was thinking Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine, but you guys probably don't know who that is. Who are your influences?

Andreas: Not consciously Carter, but that fits. More like The Rezillos and Roxy Music, with a bit of Chuck Berry and a sprinkle of Bolanic Boogie.

Me: You each have your own style of playing, so I am guessing you are all into different bands. You have been describes though as if Roxy Music was doing the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Do you agree?

Andreas: Yes, absolutely, experimental, new wave, glam punk basically.

Me: I have never seen Rocky Horror, have you guys?

Andreas: Many times, we recommend it.

Me: So, will you be releasing any new music soon?

Andreas: We're concentrating on proming the album for now, but have already recorded a few new tracks and are working on more for a 2014 release. So watch this space (rock).

Me: Okay, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Ready? I don't like this one. If you could be a famous athlete for a single game who would you be?

Andreas: Maybe someone like Jonathan Edwards, the world triple jumper record holder, I love seeing how far I can leap off stage.

Me: Are any of you athletic? I'm guessing The Minx is. How tall is she anyway? She dwarves over all the guys, especially you, Andreas. Haha.

Andreas: The Minx is 6ft 4. I am a dwarf that's why… I've got 6 brothers… and we live with a lovely girl in a forest called Snow.

Me: Sure you do. LOL. Anyway, like I said, I love you guys, you are one of my favourite new bands from England. Have you been to America yet? You gotta come over here!

Andreas: Invite us we will come, it's our dream!

Me: You're invited. Anyway, go ahead and mention your website and please come back again soon.

Andreas: Twitter @thetuesdayclub1, @Vnderbraindrain,,,

Me: Take care and continued success.

Andreas: Thanks loads. Much appreciated and we'll check out Strawberry Blondes Forever.

That about does it for this entry. Thanks to Jeff Trelewicz, Lori Sedlacek, Laird Jim and Andreas Vanderbraindrain from The Tuesday Club. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Phile Alum Lila Rose and then next Sunday with Phile Alum Shirli McAllen from Leftover Cuties and Monday Greg Radcliffe from the band Kamp David. So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Strawberry Blondes Forever.

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