Sunday, December 1, 2013

Pheaturing Phile Alum Kaz Simmons

Rabbit. Hey there, welcome to the Phile. It's December 1st already, people. How the hell did that happen?  In an effort to rid this corporeal plane of "an infestation of demons" brought on by drug-related violence in Mexico, Catholic priests in the area are being kept quite busy performing necessary and not-at-all-bullshit exorcisms. "We believe that behind all these big and structural evils there is a dark agent and his name is The Demon. That is why the Lord wants to have here a ministry of exorcism and liberation, for the fight against the Devil," says one priest who is presumably also an adult person. There's probably a whiney girl that after an exorcism is like, "no one wants to be inside of me." A police officer in Germany has been accused of killing and eating parts of a man whom he met through what's essentially a dating website for cannibalism. It is believed that incident was a result of a mutually agreed-upon plan by the officer and the victim, who had allegedly fantasized about being eaten. The accused's fellow officers have yet to find the uneaten portions of the body.  The Mississippi State Bulldogs' mascot Bully... or, to be precise, the woman inside the costume was run down by the careless driver of an ESPN TV cart in front of thousands of horrified college football fans during Thursday night's Egg Bowl. Michaela Mills suffered a compound fracture in her leg and was carried off the field while still in the suit, for reasons that remain uncertain.  An elderly Seattle man who, with his hole-filled clothes and coupon-clipping lifestyle, was assumed by most to be somewhat impoverished turned out to be extraordinarily wealthy. Upon his recent death at 98 years of age, Jack MacDonald left $188 million to several charities, including the Seattle Children's Hospital. According to his daughter, the secret philanthropist "went out of his way to look poor, partly because he didn't want to be badgered by people who wanted money." That guy makes me want to be a better person if that's even possible. Haha.  After having detained 85-year-old American tourist Merrill Newman for several weeks, the North Korean government released pictures of the elderly man reading a letter of apology  which he clearly wrote himself and was not in any way coerced into reading... for his part in the Korean War 60 years ago. "I committed indelible offensive acts against the DPRK government and Korean people," said the man whose penis is certainly not nearly as large or handsome as the magnificent member of Supreme Leader of North Korea Kim Jong-un. You know, I saw a picture of Kim Jong-un the other day and he looks slightly different.

Man, that's scary. He must love American B movies.  You know, I was thinking about Michael Jackson the other day and not many people know he was a partier back in the day. Check this out...

That Jacko was a crazy dude. So, do you guys like Lipton tea? Did you know Lipton is coming out with their own brand of cigarettes? No? I have proof.

Good job I don't smoke. With Christmas a few weeks away I thought it would be fun to show you some clever Christmas ads. This Christmas all readers of the Almere Vandaag get an extra present. This free morning newspaper for all Almere residents gives away due to this festivity an origami Christmas tree ball made out of newspaper. You have to fold it yourself, of course. Gladly, the Almere Vandaag also provides the readers with a 2-steps folding instruction for beginners. So it's not complicated and you'll enjoy building it.

Now you know I'm a geek, so this year through December I am also gonna show you some Christmas trees I think are cool.

This Star Wars themed Christmas tree has gone to the Dark Side. I believe the only light is the light saber! That's great. And now let's see booked a one-way ticket to Dirt City...

Paul Walker
Sept 12, 1973 - Nov 30, 2013
Yep. He was indeed fast.

Okay, if you spot that Mindphuck email me at It's Sunday, that means it's time to talk football with my good friend Jeff.

Me: Hey, Jeff, welcome back to the Phile. How was your Thanksgiving?

Jeff: Happy belated Thanksgiving to you and the Phile. My Thanksgiving was good, except for being slightly under the weather. Otherwise I had a wonderful day of family, friends and football so it doesn't get much better then that.

Me: Okay, so I don't think there's any big NFL news this week. Is there?

Jeff: There isn't any big news in the NFL. More drama in Miami. There was some mayhem on Thanskgiving when Steelers coach Mike Tomlin almost interfered with a kickoff return. So that was rather amusing, but other then that nothing too big this week.

Me: How'd we do last week?

Jeff: Last week I went 1-1 with a Steelers win. Lori's Eagles had a bye week and she went 0-2. The Giants lost, but you went 1-1 as well. Lori maintains a healthy sixteen point lead over me.

Me: Okay, this weeks picks... I say Chargers over Bengals by 11 and Pats by 11. Both teams will win by 11. What do you and Lori pick?

Jeff: Her picks this week are Carolina by five points and Seahawks by one point. My picks this week are 49ers over Rams by four points and New England by a touchdown.

Me: Alright, good job, Jeff, see ya next week. And I hope you feel better.

Alright, the 28th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Phile Alum and author Stephanie Nakasian will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks.

Today's pheatured guest is a Phile Alum who has a brand new CD out called "Signs" that is available on iTunes. Please welcome back to the Phile the lovely and talented... Kaz Simmons.

Me: Kaz!!! Hello, welcome back to the Phile. How are you?

Kaz: Hi, Jason, thanks for having me. I'm very well thanks. How are you?

Me: I'm not bad. Okay, I'm gonna ask you something, but I doubt you'll answer. Haha. I asked you last time you were here about your name Kaz which I love, and I asked you what it was short for but you said you weren't telling. Is it Kazamondo? Kazterborus? Kazuel? You're not gonna tell me, are you? 

Kaz:Still not telling!

Me: What do your friends call you?

Kaz: Kaz or Kazzy or some of my silly friends call me Kazbus or Kaz le Paz. Don't ask.

Me: You're from England, Kaz, and live in London. What part?

Kaz: I live in South East London in the borough of Lewisham.

Me: You said last time you have family here in Florida. What part of Florida do they live? You need to visit.

Kaz: They live in Pompano Beach and yes, it's been too long since I came over! Maybe next year...

Me: I downloaded your new album "Signs" from iTunes and really enjoyed it. You have an amazing voice. What do you do to keep it that way?

Kaz: Thank you for downloading it! Thank you also for your kind words. My voice is a little husky at the moment as I have a cough, but I don't smoke and try and warm up as much as possible before singing.

Me: Where was the album recorded, Kaz?

Kaz: It was recorded at Fish Factory Studios in North London.

Me: Do you still have the same band playing on it as your last release "Dandelions"?

Kaz: It's about half and half. Riaan Vosloo and Tim Giles are are on "Dandelions" and "Signs" and I have two new members... Will Bartlett who plays a mean organ and Martin Kolarides who is on electric guitar.

Me: So, what kinda signs are you referring to?

Kaz: I thought it was a catchy title and it's the name of one of the tunes on the album which is about misreading signals as well as seeing the signals but deciding to ignore them as it's easier than taking the plunge and being brave.

Me: I noticed there's more electric guitar on this album. You play guitar, but that's not you playing electric, is it?

Kaz: No, it's Martin who is AMAZING. Lots of whooping guitars and weird noises. Love it!

Me: You must love London as you have a song called "London Loves" and another song called "For the Love of the Big L". I take it the big L is London.

Kaz: It is! Well done :) "London Loves" is about Internet dating in London.

Me: Is the whole album about London?

Kaz: It's a sort of mini concept album about London, yes and the songs are set in a story-like order. Not all the songs refer to London, although a lot of them do. I guess it's a loose story about my life and experiences in London.

Me: I loved the video for "For the Love..." You stand in a street with Big Ben in the background. Where was that, and what a shot...

Kaz: Thanks! It's just off Trafalgar Square on a traffic island. Glamorous.

Me: How long did you have to stand there?

Kaz: Not long actually. I did two takes of that scene and then it started pouring with rain, so we went for a Chinese lunch and it didn't stop raining, so we hoped for the best and went home.

Me: Did anyone stop to look at you stand there and sing?

Kaz: I don't know as I was concentrating hard. I think people in London are used to strange things happening all the time, so most people ignore and walk on.

Me: At the beginning of the video you are a waitress. Have you ever been a waitress?

Kaz: Nope. I hate cleaning away dirty plates, so I'd make the worst waitress.

Me: And whose house did you film in?

Kaz: My friend Mark's.

Me: I have a screenshot of you with you sitting on Mark's couch eating a bowl of cereal.

Me: You look so cute on camera, Kaz. Is acting something you'd like to do in the future?

Kaz: Thank you! No, I've always thought I was a rubbish actress, so that's very kind of you to say.

Me: We talked about your influences last time you were here and you mentioned Billy Joel. Not a lot of people in England know who Billy is I think. I don't think he is a household name. He wasn't that popular when I lived in England in the 80s. When did you start listening to Billy and did you ever see him live?

Kaz: He's very well-known here! Definitely. I'm seeing him live for the first time next week and can't wait. I'll probably cry. My sister and I grew up listening to the "Innocent Man" album which dad would play on cassette tape in the car. When it got to "Uptown Girl", we'd ask him to rewind so we could listen to "Uptown Girl" again. I still love that song.

Me: What newer bands or singers are you into?

Kaz: I really love Scott Matthews, a beautiful singer songwriter who is a stunning guitarist and I saw Jennie Abrahamson support Peter Gabriel last week, as well as sing in his band. She's amazing.

Me: Okay, so, this year on the Phile I am asking random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Ready? This is pretty lame... which piece of land would you wish to have preserved forever?

Kaz: Greenwich Park. The view at the end of my "For the Love of the Big L" is from the top of Greenwich Park. One of my favourite places in the world.

Me: Alright, Kaz, thanks so much for coming back on the Phile. Please come back again soon. Go ahead and mention your website.

Kaz: Thank you for having me again! A lot of fun. My site is and my new album "Signs" is available on iTunes and Amazon worldwide.

Me: And come to Florida, I'll take you to Disney. Deal?

Kaz: I love Disney World. I've been a few times and would love to go again, especially to Epcot. So it's a deal!

Me: Continued success, and take care.

Kaz: Many thanks, Jason.

Man, I like that Kaz. She's cool. That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Jeff Trelewicz and of course Kaz Simmons. The Phile will be back tomorrow with another Phile Alum... Ben Talmi, lead singer for the band Art Decade. Then next Sunday it's the kid's from the band Horse Party and on Monday it's singer Alice BrightSky. So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Strawberry Blondes Forever!

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