Sunday, December 8, 2013

Pheaturing Horse Party

Hey there, welcome to the Phile. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas... unless you live in Florida. Haha. North America is currently experiencing a winter storm unlike anything it has seen since Monica Lewinski jokes were only mildy played out, as you can see from this this terrifying image...

Look at Florida. Look how bright orange it is. I love it here! I feel bad for the rest of you who don't live here.  Do you like "Family Guy"? I love that show but haven't seen it in awhile. Anyway, following that show's historic decision to kill off one of its main characters, "Family Guy" has now made the historic decision to bring back one of its main charcter from the dead. The Griffin family dog Brian, who was run over by a car in an episode that aired two weeks ago, may be returning to the show as early as the December 15 episode.  A Georgia man has been ordered by a judge to pay $50,000 to his ex-fiance, and the mother of his child, after he called off their engagement due to getting caught cheating on her. The goodly gentleman appealed the ruling, claiming that his relationship with the woman who had quit her job to be a full-time mother was akin to that of a john and a prostitute. Amazingly, his flawless argument somehow did not win him the appeal.  The 2013 Grammy nominations have been announced, and the list of potential "Record of the Year" winners miraculously includes two whole songs that I can recognize when played over a supermarket PA system. Daft Punk featuring Pharrell, “Get Lucky”, Imagine Dragons, “Radioactive”, Lorde, “Royals”, Bruno Mars, “Locked Out of Heaven” and Robin Thicke featuring Pharrell and T.I., “Blurred Lines”. By the way, two of those songs are not about rape. I hope Phillip Phillips wins a Grammy for Best Song In Every Fucking Commercial.  Apparently, the biggest-selling item... and the reason why an unimaginable number of Americans cut short Thanksgiving with their families and spent untold hours waiting in the freezing cold outside Walmart locations all across the country was some cheap towels, which were on sale for $1.74 or 29¢ per wash cloth, meaning that... Wait, what? Really? That's nothing! I need some towels and wash cloths! Is this still going on? Out of my way, I'll finish this entry later. To the PT Cruiser! Haha. Just kidding.  The police in Iceland were compelled to use deadly force against a suspect who was firing at them with a shotgun the other night. This marks the first recorded incident of a police killing in the country's history. Meanwhile, a Chicago police officer has been acquitted for shooting a man 16 times because he mistook the man's cell phone for a gun. Icelandic cops shoot a man... It will become a BAFTA-winning Norwegian series on the BBC and AMC will make a short-lived American version.  The first image from the new Instagram account which Disney has created for the upcoming Star Wars: Episode XII film is, of course, that whiny punk Anakin Skywalker showing off his new gothy black uniform. At least it wasn't a picture of a bowl of cho nor hoola. Here is that selfie if you don't know what I'm talking about...

Last week I mentioned on the Phile Paul Walker's death. Remember that? A lot of TV shows are still talking about it, so I thought, why not I? What I have to say though is RIP to the driver that died with Walker that one one cares about because he wasn't famous.

Hey, on a lighter note, it's December and all through December I am showing you some creative Christmas ads. Check this one out...

I'm kinda in the mood for Christmas as well. I'm also showing you kid's some geeky looking Christmas trees as well.

What is this? A tree dedicated to The Nightmare Before Christmas. Ooh, exciting.  Okay, a few week's ago was Black Friday and as I didn't go this year because I had to work I felt a little left out of the madness. So, to make up for that I thought I would create a new pheature to talk about the craziest stories of Black Friday. So, here is the brand new pheature called...

A woman reportedly attacked a rival shopper with a stun gun at Philadelphia's Franklin Mills Mall after they got into a fight during this latest edition of Black Friday sales. The incident, involving three females, grew more and more vicious until one of them apparently drew the weapon. In the video posted on YouTube, a contraption is shown flashing blue and a buzzing sound is heard before the fight abruptly ends. The shock seems to do the trick–the woman's rival relents as onlookers shout "No, stop!" The women then go their separate ways, with no serious injuries apparent. Mall security denied that a taser had been deployed, but wouldn't confirm if a stun gun was used. It has yet to be determined what the catalyst for the fight was.

That was a Black Phriday story from 2013. I didn't say it would be funny. This might not be funny either... let's see who bit the big one, and I think you are gonna know who it is.

Nelson Mandela
July 18, 1918 - Dec 5, 2013
He was in prison for 27 years, and then got married three times. Must have really missed it.

I hope my sister Lucy doesn't see this one. If you spot the Mindphuck email me at It's Sunday, and Week 14 of this year's NFL season. And you know what that means? It's time to talk football with my good friend Jeff.

Me: Hey, Jeff, welcome back. It is week 14, right?

Jeff: Always glad to be back on the Phile with you. Yes, believe it or not it is week 14 all ready this year.

Me: Any football news this week?

Jeff: The biggest and breaking news is that the Texans fired head coach Gary Kubiak earlier this week. His team has lost 11 straight games, including a game on Thursday night versus the Jaguars. As Lori put it, Kubiak is having the worst year ever. He had a heart attack on the sideline earlier this season, 11 straight losses and now he is fired. He can't wait for 2013 to be over!

Me: I know how he feels. I can't wait for this year to be over as well. Any other news?

Jeff: The other big news is the record fine for Steelers coach Mike Tomlin. He was fined for his actions where he ran a step out on to the field during the Ravens kick off return late in their game last week, almost colliding with Jacoby Jones, the man returning the ball. He was fine $100k. They are also talking about penalizing the Steelers a draft pick in next year's draft. I think that is a little too much. Huge fine I am okay with. Even suspend him a game for it. But the team shouldn't be penalized for what he did.

Me: Jeff, did you see the interview Ron Burgandy did with Payton Manning? If so, whatcha think? 

Jeff: That was one great interview Ron Burgandy did with Manning. Further proving what great sense of humor Peyton has. My favorite lines were about Eli's mustache. Plus it was pretty horrible if you saw it.

Me: If you don't know what Jeff is talking about, here is a picture of Eli with his mustache...

Me: Okay, so last week, the Giants won! How did we all do? How many points do we have?

Jeff: The good news is we are beating Lori now. And by that I mean if we add my score and your score against only her score. 58-38-26. Both your team and her team won this week, while the Steelers lost. But I went 1-1, you went 0-2 and Lori is showing no mercy with another 2-0 week.

Me: Yeah!! I guess... Alright, this week's picks. I say Cowboys by seven and Packers by nine.

Jeff: My picks are Baltimore by three points and Arizona by five. Lori's picks are Bengals by 5 points and New England by three points. 

Me: Okay, Jeff, thanks, good job and I'll see you here next week.

Jeff: We will see you next week!

It's 10:05 am, 75°F and Kelly said she loved meeting Floppy Bear on the commercial shoot. Who the hell is Floppy Bear? That's a stupid name for a dog.

You know what time it is. He's a singer, patriot, renaissance man and phriend of the Phile. It's...

Good morning, humans. If you're still upset over the death of Paul Walker... and barely gave any thought at all to the death of Nelson Mandela, you really shouldn't be permitted to breed. There are enough brainless idiots in the world, you need not bring any more into it. Hear ye... Hear ye... Any who are brazen and bold enough to knock upon my door with hopes of spreading your particular brand of religeous rantings my way... You WILL have to endure every vile thought that launches itself from my agile tongue. I don't think those men and women will grace my door ever again. I also fear the women will need a few shots at the pub, a few extra hours at their therapists or a good shtooping from their hubby's.... perhaps all three.  Wrong day... wrong door.

The 28th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Phile Alum and author Stephanie Nakasian will be a guest on the Phile next Saturday.

Today's pheatured guests are the three kid's that make up the band Horse Party whose new single "What Do You Need" and EP "Scarlet & Blue EP" are available on iTunes and Bandcamp. Please welcome to the Phile Ellie Langley, Seymour Quigley and Shannon Hope from Horse Party.

Me: Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Seymour: I'm very well cheers, been listening to loads of Lou Reed today, like everyone else with a modicum of decency.

Shannon: Very well thank you, been working today but now enjoying a spicy chicken rice thing.

Ellie: Not too bad thanks, off on a long awaited holiday tomorrow, so can't complain.

Me: You three kids are from England, right? What part?

Seymour: We're based in Bury St Edmunds Rock City, although I was born in Yorkshire.

Me: Where exactly is Bury St Edmunds Rock City? 

Seymour: It's both a place and a state of mind.

Shannon: It's inbetween the cities of Norwich and Cambridge.

Me: Thanks, Shannon. Have you three ever been or played in America yet?

Seymour: We've never played in America but we're desperate to. It's a bit expensive to come over if you're a band from the U.K., your government seems to think we've got loads of money and asks for thousands of dollars. I went to ATP in New Jersey a couple of years ago though, as a punter, to see Shellac and Portishead.

Shannon: Never played in America although I'd really like to.

Ellie: Ditto. I've never been, but it would be brilliant to play there.

Me: So, tell the readers what you kid's do in the band.

Seymour: I am in the band, and I play guitar and bass, and do some singing.

Shannon: I am also in the band... I play the drums.

Ellie: I'm in the band too. I sing and play guitar.

Me: More importantly, who is in charge? With two girls and one guy, I am guessing you are not in charge, Seymour.

Seymour: It depends who's had the least to drink really.

Ellie: We're a kindly, nurturing, democratic union, with no figurehead.

Me: Is it true you three met in church? You didn't know each other before?

Seymour: Right, this is a totally true story: someone had the bright idea of having a gig in a church in our hometown, with a bar. Obviously me and Shannon got blind drunk and started sending Ellie messages, ordering her to start a band with us. And to our amazement, she said yes, so we had to go through with it. But we did know each other before that.

Ellie: Yep, all of the above is true. I knew Seymour from a long time ago, but hadn't seen him in probably over a decade, so it was a bit of a bolt from the blue. The whole thing started off as a bit of a joke, but then we got in the practise room and realised that a) we were quite good, and b) it was a load of fun playing together (and going to the pub afterwards).

Me: Okay, so, whose idea was it to start a band and who came up with the name?

Seymour: It was probably my idea, I seem to remember being really annoying that night, Shannon probably agreed with me so I'd shut up. The name was Ellie's.

Shannon: I remember thinking Seymour was joking at the start and I couldn't really hear him because we were at a gig but I agreed nonetheless.

Ellie: Always the best policy, Shannon.

Me: Were you all in bands prior?

Seymour: I've been in loads of bands, because I'm a terrible slut.

Shannon: Yeah I've been in a few bands previously... I also play drums in a post-hardcore band as well as Horse Party.

Ellie: I've been in one band before, many years ago, and it genuinely never occurred to me to join another one until these two asked me last year. I'm really glad I did.

Me: Where did the name Horse Party come from? Do you all like horses? Do you ride?

Seymour: Ellie had a list, and all of the names had the word "Horse" in them. Horse Party was the only one that wasn't disgusting. I can't ride, but I used to muck out stables for a living.

Ellie: I had a short phase where I used to go horse riding a little bit when I was a kid, as is obligatory for many 12 year old English girls.

Me: You kids should do a cover of Band of Horses "Weed Party" or tour with them. Do you kids know that band?

Seymour: I've seen them live, they were ace.

Shannon: Yeah, I like Band of Horses!

Me: What bands are you into? Listening to your new single "What Do You Need" which we'll talk about in a minute you kids remind me of Nirvana or The White Stripes. Are they bands that you're into?

Seymour: We do love Nirvana and The White Stripes. The band that turned me onto alternative stuff was Carter USM, but we don't sound much like them. Recently I've been obsessing over Savages, Daughter, Nick Cave, Clint Mansell and Orbital.

Shannon: Yeah I'm a really big Nirvana fan. Recently I've been listening to a lot of the Breeders, Cat Power, Dead Skeletons, Lungfish, Yo La Tengo, Múm...

Ellie: I love Nirvana too, but have basically been listening almost exclusively to A Tribe Called Quest for several weeks. My tastes are really broad, but my listening is obsessive.

Me: "What Do You Need" is the single for your debut album which comes out next year. What can you tell us about the album?

Seymour: We did it mostly live, in one day and one evening, straight to tape. It's the same tape machine Mario C and the Black Keys use, a Tascam 388. I am a geek.

Shannon: I think we are all really proud of the album, we did it in a quick but exhausting burst and I wouldn't change that at all. I had a lot of fun making the record and so pleased we chose to record to tape.

Ellie: The recording process was really intense because we did it so quickly, and I agree with Shannon that I wouldn't have changed that at all... it's the best way to make a record in my eyes. There should be an intensity, and you should feel exhausted when you've finished it, or you probably haven't given enough. Nobody wants to listen to a lifeless record.

Me: What will the album be called?

Seymour: It's called "Cover Your Eyes".

Me: Prior you released an EP called "Back to Mono" and a live EP called "Scarlet & Blue". How does your new music compare with the first release?

Seymour: "Back To Mono" and "Scarlet & Blue" are on the album! But they're re-recorded versions, so it sounds... better? I didn't know what I was doing when we mixed the early stuff. 

Shannon: The early recording of "Back To Mono" was recorded round Ellie's and we hadn't been together that long. I think listening to the early recordings and the album versions you can tell we've been together longer and are more comfortable with the songs... but maybe that's just me.

Ellie: Yeah, I think we basically just sound like a tighter band, and bigger and better as a result.

Me: You kids have opened for Shonen Knife a band from Japan, am I right? They are an all girl band, I think I have their first album. At least one of their albums. Did you get to talk to them? I am guessing they speak a little English.

Seymour: We limited ourselves to saying "hello" and "thank you", because we genuinely didn't want to terrify them. No-one should ever have to listen to our conversations, we'd hate people to think we were representative of all British people.

Shannon: They were super polite and friendly. I think by the end of the night when we spoke to them we'd had quite a few whiskeys so not engrossing in a massive conversation was probably a wise idea. 

Me: What other bands have you opened for?

Seymour: Ghostpoet, Tunng, Pinkunoizu, Attila the Stockbroker, Dingus Khan, Vuvuvultures and The Nightingales are the ones people might've heard of... Hopefully people've heard of Tied To The Mast, There's Someone In The Pond and The Vitamins too... if not, check them out immediately.

Me: I will. I have to ask you about this, you played at the John Peel Centre for Creative Arts. First of, did you guys know who John Peel was? I am guessing you are too young to remember listening to him on the radio.

Seymour: John Peel used to play mine and Ellie's old bands in the early 00s, even though our records sounded awful. He actually lived near us so he used to come to local gigs and we used to bump into him outside Pizza Hut. He was lovely.

Me: When I was living back in England in the 80s, I used to listen to his Radio 1 show. Anyway, I never knew there was a John Peel Centre... is it nice?

Seymour: It's wonderful! It's a converted Corn Exchange, funded entirely through public donations, and run by volunteers, including John's wife, Sheila.

Shannon: Its a great venue to play... we have played there a few times now and have always had a brilliant night.

Ellie: Yeah, it's really nice, and the people that run it are lovely. I hope we'll see more touring bands playing there and helping to firmly establish its reputation as a great venue.

Me: Where is it?

Seymour: Stowmarket... 15 minutes down the motorway from Bury St Edmunds.

Me: Was that the best show you have ever played?

Seymour: Definitely one of them... I enjoy all of our gigs though.

Me: You also played an Elliott Smith tribute show. What Smith song did you do?

Seymour: I played piano with a singer called Jaq Gallier... we did "St Ide's Heaven", "Alameda", "Ballad of Big Nothing" and "Everybody Cares, Everybody Understands".

Me: Do you remember where you were when you found out he committed suicide?

Seymour: I was at my computer reading a friend of mine had not long since committed suicide, so I took it very badly.

Me: Okay, with the three of you in the band, who does most of your songwriting?

Seymour: Mostly Ellie, but we kick all the songs around together.

Me: I am guessing you three get a long very well. What is the dynamics of the band?

Seymour: It's the most fun I've ever had with any other humans. If we'd been at school together, we'd have been separated in lessons for constantly being twats.

Shannon: Yeah... Seymour and Ellie are two of my best friends. It's kind of weird how close we are and how well we've bonded.

Ellie: We basically adore each other and don't care how lame that is.

Me: I think that's cool. Alright, so, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Ready? Which is more important the respect of your children or your parents? That is probably hard as you don't have any kids yet, do you?

Seymour: I have a young son... but I'm resigned to the fact that he'll get to a certain age and think I'm an idiot whatever I do.

Shannon: I don't have any children but having my mother's respect is important.

Me: Thanks for being on the Phile. Please come back when "Cover Your Eyes" comes out. Plug your website and take care.

Seymour: It's at, we hope we can come to the States soon though, seeing us live is better than a website, according to a recent poll.

Shannon: We'll be sure to let you know when "Cover Your Eyes" comes out!

Me: Thanks, guys, and great job. Horse Party, kids!

There you go, that about does it for another entry of the Phile. Thanks to Jeff Trelewicz, Laird Jim and of course Shannon, Ellie and Seymour from Horse Party. The Phile will be back tomorrow with singer Alice BrightSky. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Strawberry Blondes Forever!

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