Welcome to the Peverett Phile, the internet's most updated blog. It's Thursday, and just like every Thursday, this is a new entry. It's May and do you know what that means? It's May Movie Month. This month three huge movies comes out. Spider-Man 3, Shrek 3, and Pirates 3. I'll be seeing and reviewing all three movies, and report news about each one. But first, the news. You know Donald Trump, right? He’s a real estate tycoon, he’s got his own television show, now he has his own brand of meat. Mail order meat. Donald Trump steaks. Donald discovered there was some money out there he didn’t already have his hands on. It’s just like his television show. The Donald Trump steak is just like his television show. When it’s over, you’re sleepy and have an irritated colon. There’s a big scandal going on in Washington D.C. A big prostitution ring scandal. Politicians were actually paying for sex. One girl got paid with a military base in her home state. The politicians were spending hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars for sex. And I thought, well that’s better than spending that kind of money on a haircut. President Bush was on "American Idol” last night. He made an appearance, and afterwards the phone lines were jammed with people trying to vote him off. Divorce hearing today for David Hasselhoff. And his ex-wife claimed that he "emotionally abused” her. It’s true — he wouldn’t stop singing. A judge is suing a dry cleaners for $67 million due to lost pants. He claims he endured "mental suffering” because he couldn’t wear his favorite pants on the first day of work. This is a judge. I’d like to point out . . . Judges wear robes. Some judges would love to go to work without pants — Clarence Thomas! They uncovered a major cheating scandal at the business school at Duke University. If the business students have cheated, I say give them the diploma. They have obviously figured out how to succeed in business. They are ready to be CEOs. Dozens of Japanese magicians are suing a Tokyo TV station after it revealed the secrets of coin tricks. They are suing for a whopping $16,000. I know it doesn’t sound like a big lawsuit, but it has to be taken in quarters from behind people’s ears. This just in: George Steinbrenner just put the Yankees back on steroids. Hillary Clinton says if she is elected president, she will use Bill Clinton as an ambassador because she can’t think of a better cheerleader for America. To which Bill Clinton said, "I can think of 20, and I have their phone numbers.” Even though Sanjaya has been voted off "American Idol,” some viewers are organizing fan clubs. They want to be known as "Fanjayas.” Or by their current name, deaf people. In an effort to help the environment, Sheryl Crow has proposed using only one square of toilet paper when going to the bathroom. In a related story, don’t ever shake hands with Sheryl Crow. The first Democratic debate was held tonight. It featured Hillary Clinton facing off with seven men. Or as Bill Clinton calls it, the worst porn movie plot ever. More bad news for Snoop Dogg. He has been banned from Australia. He tried to get in there to cohost the MTV Australian Music Video Awards, but the immigration minister said, "You cannot come in because of your criminal record.” This is really unfair. We let Crocodile Dundee run around here with a 4-foot long machete . . . He is still allowed in Jamaica though. So, Spider-Man 3 comes out tomorrow. I haven't heard any hype about it. Actually, I heard Spider-Man turns black in the new movie. He sits on his porch eating watermelon and friend chicken. I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
Q: Where's Spiderman's home page? A: On the world wide web.
Q: which super hero is really good at spotting hot chicks? A: Spied her man
NUTTED BY REALITY
On its penultimate episode, "The Amazing Race 11" finally eliminated a team. Thus, it now has its final three teams, and those include just one man among five women. There’s a two in three chance that an all-female team will win the race for the first time in its history. But that’s next week; first, there’s last night’s ridiculousness:
“We know that karma was a particular bitch on the last leg of the race, and we got slapped hard for it,” Oswald said.
Once again adopting her strange broken English that she uses to speak to foreigners who probably think she’s a mentally challenged person who speaks English, Mirna asked a cab driver in Hong Kong, “How you say ‘airport.’” He said, “Airport.” English is an official language in Hong Kong, after all.
“You look very buff today, Eric, in your white shirt,” one of the blondes said, and apparently figured out how to disarm him entirely. He sort of shyly smiled but clearly loved the attention drawn by his shirt, which appeared to have been painted on his body.
“I doubt that Danny and Oswald are going to make it on the flight,” Eric said, and then a commercial break arrived. Of course, because of the magic of Amazing Race commercials, which solve all problems, Danny and Oswald got on the flight. But they did not receive cheers from their fellow competitors. “We weren’t sure whether we landed in Japan or Alaska, because we felt the cold breeze—freezing cold,” Oswald said.
Phil explained that one of the Detour options in Guam offered “a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to experience an official Air Force air drop training exercise.” Later, Charla explained that they chose the task because “I like to help people who are in need,” while Mirna said, “humanitarian effort, here we come.” Apparently they both missed—or the producers expected us to miss—the “training exercise” part.
“I feel like Top Gun,” Mirna said, as she ran into a cargo plane. Because, you know, Top Gun had lots of people riding in cargo planes. For no reason whatsoever, the cargo plane did a nose dive and left them weightless. “I was, like, flying,” Mirna said. Yes, that’s what people do in airplanes.
“There’s no charming the sergeant,” a blonde said. “The sergeant was all about business. We weren’t getting anywhere with a smile; we had to scrub.” Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
“I’m bringing you over to tell my maid how to clean, ‘cause obviously I don’t know what to tell her,” Oswald told the sergeant judging their task. Does he ever run out of witty things to say? Ever?
Using a GPS to find a lost a soldier, the blonde that did the task explained that it was “like you’re searching for your Easter basket.” Yeah, if you were so poor growing up that your parents didn’t make your personal butler gather the eggs for you, and instead forced you to use the GPS.
Mirna told Charla, “Follow instructions…Use the GPS. It tells you whichway to go.” Put one leg in front of the other. Breathe in and then out. Do not tape my mouth with duct tape and push me into a ditch and deny to Phil that you know what happened to me.
Charla got lost even with the GPS, and Charla’s military escort told her, “ma’am, I told you not to touch the screen at all.” That’s military code for “Christ, you idiot.”
“Do you have any idea how many toys you guys now have?” Phil asked the blondes, who came in first again. “We love our toys,” one said.
With three teams remaining to check in, the editors did their best to make it seem like a race to the finish, but instead the teams arrived in the same order they finished the task: Eric and Danielle, Charla and Mirna, and Oswald and Danny, who were eliminated.
“No regrets, darling,” Danny told Phil. He said that Oswald will “be pushing the wheelchair as I got into the home, the gay nursing home that I’m going to ‘open up.’” Oswald replied, “And hopefully by then, he won’t speak so much that he’ll be interrupted every time I say something.” I’m not quite sure I got either joke, but we’ll miss them and their non-stop humor.
This episode is listed as "String Theory" on my DVR and some places online, but on NBC's site and the screen itself it says "Five Years Gone" so that's what I went with. "What if?" stories are fun. They allow the creators to play around with characters and show them in unexpected new lights. This isn't a purely "what if?" story, however. What happens here determines "our" Hiro's (younger Hiro's) ability to return to the present and change history in the coming episodes -- or fail to.
It's evident that, though Linderman's destruction of New York succeeded, his stated goals for this odd plan failed. Instead of the unified peaceful-world scenario Linderman laid out to entice Nathan to hitch himself to the wagon, this post-blast America is a fascist state, run by a chief executive with strongly-centralized powers enforced by a homeland security department reporting directly to himself. The "specials" go underground to survive, while the President directs his advisor Mohinder to implement a "final solution." In this episode, I found Mohinder much more compelling as a character than usual. Maybe because, here, he actually knows most of the other characters and knowswhat is going on. He's better able to interact. Though you have to wonder how Sylar could disguise his twisted personality for up to five years from someone who has certainly learned about Sylar the hard way. Hm. They can always say Sylar picked up a insanity-cloaker or maybe a super-charisma power along the way if that argument ever comes up. In Isaac's loft, Mohinder thinks he finds a way around the President's genocide plot: get Hiro to go back and fix the past. Easy. Chillingly, Fake-Nathan says "that doesn't work for me." Nathan is really Sylar we soon find out, who has absorbed Candice's shape-shifting. Genocide is what Sylar wants. But another question is whether Sylar hatched this plan alone or took over what Nathan and Linderman were already planning? Nuking New York may have been only stage one for the billionaire. Stage two could have been to unite the world through xenophobia, fear of the Other, all along, which would make Liderman and Nathan betrayers of their own kind. In his final confrontation with Sylar, Peter says Sylar will pay for "what he did" to Nathan. "What I did?" sneers Sylar. "When he died he had already turned against his own kind." Meaning, I think, that Nathan had already decided to wipe out, or at least control, anyone with abilities when Sylar killed him. Peter calls Sylar a liar, but that still remains to be seen. I think that back in the present timeline Nathan is still on this fence, though leaning hard toward the direction that puts him in power. There are similarities to a lot different superhero universes here. Not only The X-Men (in both print and film) and The Watchmen, but also Marvel's own post-9/11 "Civil Wars" storyline, with its Mutant Registration Act, which pits a chunk of Marvel's pantheon against another chunk. None of which bothers me. Comic book sagas borrow from each other all the time. It really comes down to interesting characters and It gets called "borrowing," "stealing," or "homage," depending on how you feel about the results. Anyway. One of the most fun things for me tonight was seeing many of the characters paired up in new unexpected ways. The Haitian and Matt Parkman as partners. Peter and Niki as a couple. Couple of what though, I don't know exactly. Jessica comes out on stage to ride the pole. But it is really Niki just using the other name for the stage. Jessica died with D.L. and Micah in New York. Which means that one mirror twin can survive without the other one, I guess. This supports the theory that Jessica and Niki both have their own bodies. Either that or will get them real soon, or Niki would have died in New York too?
The post-nuke years have turned Matt Parkman into one cold bastard. One of the most sympathetic of the series regulars, and one always struggling the fit in in the normal timeline, here he has found his confidence but lost much of his humanity. He even breaks a secret alliance with Bennet who had helped rescue Matt's wife and their son, Matthew Jr., who has inherited abilities of his own. Bennet runs an underground railroad, creating new identities for specials on the run. HRG no longer! Here as he has traded his horn-rims for a softer look sometime after separating from the Company. Eric Roberts' character, and all the "golden age" characters: Mama Petrelli, Linderman, Mr. Nakamura were left out of this episode. Possibly Sylar disposed of them all sometime after he met the most-handy Candice; it would have been easy enough for him to do. Or maybe some of these folks are still behind everything, pulling the strings, even in this possible future. Isaac really did get to be a hero; Mohinder finds his final issue of 9th Wonders. It's the only clue Hiro has to use in the past to change the timeline, after future Hiro's sudden demise. Younger Hiro is stunned by the death of his future self, and it's Ando who snaps him out of it, and gets Hiro to jump back to the present. Ando's more vital than ever now -- thanks to Peter's revelation. Future Hiro was reluctant to reveal Ando's own death in the explosion to him, but Peter's beyond sparing anyone's feelings at that point. Good thing too, because now Ando knows he has an important role to play in Hiro's life. Throughout the series it's been made clear that Peter is the guy who goes nuclear and destroys New York. Tonight the future world's been led to believe that it was Sylar who exploded -- and that he also died in the explosion. The truth is that it IS going Peter as we always thought and he survived in tonight's timeline (via Claire's ability I presume). But seeing Peter tonight with his teleporting, time-stopping, and various fighting powers ... well the way he keeps picking abilities up makes just about every other hero redundant, which would change the show a lot. It will be tough to keep coming up with stories if Peter can just do every damn thing. For that reason, I think it Peter is likely die in the season finale, or will find himself with reduced powers or no powers at all.
TODAY IN HISTORY
British torpedo bombers attack the Cap Arcona and the Thielbek in the Baltic Sea. Both vessels are flying white flags, as there are almost 7,000 concentration camp prisoners aboard. In the process of abandoning ship, the German captain of the Arcona uses a machete to hack his way through the mass of people. When the ships sink, virtually all of the prisoners drown, making this the single largest loss of life in the history of ocean travel.
Eugene "Bull" Connor directs security forces in Birmingham, Alabama to unleash police dogs on civil rights protesters, and then blast them with high-pressure fire hoses. Unfortunately for segregationists, television networks bring the footage to a shocked national audience. In the wake of the overwhelming public response, President Kennedy quips that Connor "has done more for civil rights than almost anybody else."
The Miami Herald runs a story that Senator Gary Hart had spent the preceding weekend alone with a woman other than his wife. In an attempt to quell persistent rumors of an extramarital affair, Hart had previously challenged reporters to spy on him, saying: "Follow me around. I don't care. I'm serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead. They'd be very bored." The Presidential candidate withdraws from the race just five days later, and the homewrecker, one Donna Rice, goes on to launch a career crusading against pornography.
The White House confirms stories that President Ronald Reagan's travel and public appearances are scheduled around astrological data furnished by a mystic in San Francisco. The astrologer also supplies input to the timing of critical international events, such as a recent arms control summit in Iceland.
The excitement for the next cinematic installment of the X-Files continues to build! There has been some developments lately regarding another movie based on the very successful 1990s TV show. Former TV show Exec. Producer Frank Spotnitz let slip that he was actively developing a new X-Files movie. This was also corroborated by series and movie star David Duchovny during a recent radio interview. So, at that, all signs looked good for the new film to move forward. And now, we've got yet another person weighing in on the subject of the X-Files. Not just any person, by the way, but a person who should be as in-the-know as David Duchovny -- series and movie co-star Gillian Anderson. Over at her personal blog, Anderson details many different X-Files-related items including her feelings about the TV show and her co-star Duchovny, why she sometimes both hated and loved the X-Files and how much she's looking forward to doing the movie and working with Duchovny again. Even though, as she says at the site regarding her co-star: "Do I imagine that when we do the film together we won't hate each other for a few hours during the filming? No. We will. Vehemently." It's inevitable, as Anderson recalls, that when you spend so much time with people under such long, arduous conditions, you'll start to dislike them -- often intensely at times. It's just the nature of the business. That said, I'm glad she came out with it and hopefully put things to rest once and for all. Of course, the most important bit of knowledge gained from her post is that there is indeed a new X-Files movie and she will be working on it. As Anderson says in her post: "And that's that."
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
In the new trailer, the surfer hangs 10 cruising through the clouds while Jessica Alba chases after him in a flying convertible. Looks sweet, but they missed out not setting the action to a Beach Boys song.
Untitled Brad Bird Live Action Film
Remember that April Fools' Day joke that had the Incredibles director making a live-action film for Pixar? Stop laughing. They're really going to do it.
Sin City 2
On his blog, director Joe Carnahan says Robert Rodriguez showed him the sequel's opening teaser and that every "hetero male moviegoer alive" will love it. Everyone else will have to wait for Sin City 3, with Lance Bass and Neil Patrick Harris.
My Blueberry Nights
First Natalie Portman shaves her head in V for Vendetta, then she goes blonde for this film. Man, she's got more hair issues than Britney Spears.
In addition to the Wolverine and Magneto prequels, writer Zak Penn says he's writing a movie about the "young X-Men." Ugh. I'm getting visions of little X-babies voiced by Bruce Willis and Roseanne Barr.
Untitled Noah's Ark Film
To follow up last year's bizarre sci-fi feature The Fountain, Darren Aronofsky plans to tackle the ol' Bible favorite. He refused to confirm that the movie will have Noah falling in love with the mast.
Finally, writer Chuck "The Fight Club" Palahniuk's dark novel about a sex addict who's the direct descendant of Jesus is getting to the screen. It's a short book; maybe they could add some abortion and gay-marriage subplots to really reel in the Christian right.
Daniel Myrick, director of The Blair Witch Project, is making a new film about soldiers in Afghanistan who get sucked into a Bermuda Triangle-like vortex. Ah, so that's what happened to Osama bin Laden!
Well, that's it for another entry of the Phile. Tomorrow I am going to see Spider-Man 3. I am planning a special entry on the film and Spider-Man, so look out for that this week. After all, it's May Movie Month. Next month is Star Wars Weekends Month, so all the entries will be done on Sunday, instead of Thursday. More on that later. Have a good weekend, and spread the word, not the turd.