Thursday, May 24, 2007

2000! Savvy?

Hello, and welcome to the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated and read blog. As I write this the Phile has hit over 2000 views. So, thanks to everybody who has spread the word and not the turd. Now, what could the next goal be? Mine is to have Peverett Phile swag up on cafepress.com real soon. Okay, now without further ado, let's get onto the comedy. When former N.J. Gov. Jim McGreevey’s wife found out her husband was gay, she went to Hillary Clinton for advice. Hillary, said, "Gay! I wish I had your problem.” Iraqi leader Jalal Talabani has come to the United States and checked into a weight loss clinic because he’s dangerously obese. A spokesperson says you can’t blame the leader of Iraq for eating every meal like it’s his last. In New Jersey, a 60-year-old woman became the oldest woman to give birth to a pair of twins. Afterwards, the 60-year-old woman said, "It’s nice bouncing something on my knees other than my breasts. Paris Hilton is going to jail soon. It’s the craze that’s sweeping the nation. She’s carrying a Bible around. Experts say it’s because she’s trying to make people see her in a new light. I think it’s working too, because everywhere Paris goes people say, "Look — that skank is carrying a Bible!” Did you hear about Paula Abdul? She tripped over her Chihuahua and broke her nose. She’s going to be fine, but the doctor told her to wait at least six weeks before having sex with a contestant. She broke her nose, but the good news is she did not spill her gin and tonic. New York City announced they are making all the taxi cabs hybrids. This is a big step toward eliminating pollution . . . Now all they need to do is get the drivers to wear deodorant, get the people to stop urinating in street. News about treasure hunting: Some treasure hunters found a sunken ship in the Atlantic. It went down in the 1700s. In the sunken ship, they found $500 million in gold coins. That’s not all. They also found Larry King’s wallet. Nelson Mandela’s birthday is coming up. A concert is being planned to celebrate Nelson Mandela’s birthday. Friends say that Mandela wants the Spice Girls to perform. Apparently 27 years in prison really screws with your taste in music. Florida just announced it has moved up its primary to Jan. 29. This move gives Florida voters a chance to get to the polls earlier to cast their votes for Herbert Hoover.
C-SPAN is launching a new satellite radio station that will be completely dedicated to covering the 2008 presidential election. Experts say listening to C-SPAN is the perfect solution to people who find watching C-SPAN too stimulating. The area around Florida is suffering from a severe drought that has gone on for 18 months. Eighteen months. In fact, the water level is so low, Cubans are walking to Miami. Massachusetts is considering a new law that would ban discrimination of short and overweight people. The bill is expected to be signed by Massachusetts’ new governor, Danny DeVito. This week Toyota introduced a luxury hybrid car that costs $125,000. The luxury hybrid is perfect for the person who wants to be environmentally conscious, but still wants to look like a selfish A-hole. Sen. Hillary Clinton has been endorsed by porn star Jenna Jameson. Jameson’s exact quote was, "I’m endorsing Hillary so tell Bill Clinton to stop bothering me.” At the White House, President Bush and Prime Minister Tony Blair held their last joint press conference. In other words, it was the last time they play Christopher Robin and Pooh. One of the tabloids is reporting that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are planning to have a threesome with a Victoria’s Secret model. Pitt is excited about the threesome and said it could be the one of the greatest nights of his week. 

STAR WARS WEEKENDS

Time to start planning for Star Wars Weekends! Starting in June, fans get to meet an impressive lineup of special guests attending four weekends of Star Wars fun at the Disney-MGM Studios in Florida. From June 1 to June 24, 2007, fans of all ages will converge to celebrate the heroes, villains, creatures and droids of the saga. In addition to Star Wars costumed characters, fun activities, and the Star Tours theme park ride, celebrity guests will be in attendance for meet-and-greet sessions, star conversations, and a classic Hollywood-style motorcade. Here's a look at the celebrity guests which include Star Wars cast members from the entire saga. June 1-3 -- Warwick Davis & Kenny Baker. Davis was only 11 years old when he played theEwok hero Wicket in Return of the Jedi. In Episode I, he played multiple roles, including that of Anakin's young friend Wald. Kenny Baker gave the "human" side to the beloved droid R2-D2 in A New Hope all the way up to Attack of the Clones. June 8-10 -- Ray Park & Daniel Logan. Fans know Ray Park as the Sith apprentice Darth Maul in The Phantom Menace. Daniel Logan played the young Boba Fett in Attack of the Clones.
June 15-17 -- Jeremy Bulloch & Peter Mayhew. Jeremy Bulloch is known best for his role as the legendary bounty hunter Boba Fett in The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. He also made a brief cameo as Captain Colton in Revenge of the Sith. A fan favorite from the classic trilogy, Peter Mayhew is no stranger to Star Wars Weekends. The towering Mayhew played the loyal Wookiee Chewbacca in the original trilogy, and revisited the role in Revenge of the Sith. He is also a pain in the ass and a miserable bastard. June 22-24 -- Anthony Daniels & Bonnie Piesse. Fans know Anthony Daniels for his role as protocol droid C-3PO throughout the Star Wars saga. Bonnie Piesse played the role of Beru in Episode II and Episode III. I will be working the event all through June, so come out and visit.

TV MILF'S

Claire Littleton from "Lost". Played by: Emilie de Ravin. The angelic beauty has definitely had her fair share of baby/ mama drama. Claire's been kidnapped and experimented on by "the Others," but still finds the strength not only to mother baby Aaron but give a doomed Charlie something to look forward to every day. And yes, I would do her.

CANNED LAUGHTER

Q: Why are women unlucky? A: Because to get eight inches of sausage, they have to take the whole pig.

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said, "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me feel happy and sad at the same time." The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

Q: What's the difference between the Pope and your boss? A: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

Q: What do men and money in the bankhave in common? A: Both lose interest after withdrawal.

HEROES

"Where does it come from, this quest? This need to solve life's mysteries from the simplest of questions can never be answered. Why are we hear? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we'd be better off not looking at all. Not delving, not yearning. But that's not human nature. Not the human heart. That is not why we are here. Yet still we struggle to make a difference, to change the world, to dream of hope never knowing for certain who we will meet along the way. Who among the world of strangers will hold our hand, touch our hearts, and share the pain and triumph?" - Mohinder Suresh
The first few sequences in the episode were of the recap variety. First we were treated to a montage of past scenes while Suresh mysteriously and deliberately narrated the above passage. Nice, but I want some action. Thankfully, we were then quickly thrust into the scene where D.L. puts his fist in the back of Linderman's head. It was no less gruesome but somehow much more satisfying this go around. Linderman definitely had it coming and since he didn't make a reappearance it seems my thoughts of him using his healing powers to resurrect himself were wrong. Switching over to Hiro for a second - when his father told him "to take his heart out of it" in last weeks episode several of you speculated that the heart he was referring to was Ando. I'm glad that Hiro opted to leave his heart in it and went after Ando's foolish ass despite his father's objections. Why powerless Ando thought he'd be able to do what Hiro couldn't do with the ability to freeze time is beyond me, but I found it to be a brave nonetheless. Hiro standing up to his father and insisting on saving his friend "while he had the power to stop it" was an equally brave act - especially because Hiro's dad is a tad on the intimidating side. I was surprised to see this was the first time Peter used his mind reading to listen to Nathan's thoughts. To take that one step further, I wonder how he never heard his mother thinking about the bomb since we learned she's known about it for quite some time during her conversation with Mr. Deveaux. If I knew of an imminent explosion, it would be on my mind constantly. Speaking of Deveaux, how great was the scene where he recognizes that future Peter is standing there listening to their conversation. I wasn't expecting this at all, but found it fascinating. It was interesting to see a character, who's long been dead, show up again and have an important role in the "Heroes" mythology. For a split second when the "tracking system" was explaining how her power worked I was in utter shock. She said something along the lines of, "I think of them in my mind, then point to them on the map." I was like, "is that it?" She can tell you I live in Oklahoma but she can't give you my address? How effective a tracking system is that? Of course, I forgot all of this when she started talking about "the one person she can't track who is "a lot worse than the bogeyman" and who she doesn't think about because [Cue Haley Joel Osment in The Sixth Sense voice] "he can see me". Guess we just figured out who one of the main antagonists is going to be next season. Oh yeah, and the map she pushed the pin into went down to the street level. The first thing I thought of was a map of the United States. Yes, I'm an idiot. The scene with Ando, Hiro, and Sylar was just as suspenseful as it was a few weeks back. I about flipped out when the camera panned backwards and Ando found Sylar standing behind him. Again, what was Ando thinking? How is it Sylar let Hiro charge at him from 10 feet away, but Sylar was able to turn and stop Parkman's bullets Neo style in a millisecond. Just another one of the questions I'll just have to learn to not have an answer to (more in a second). During the fight sequence between Nikki and Candice posing as Jessica I wasn't sure about something. Can Candice really fight or was she just making Nikki think she was getting her ass kicked? If I remember correctly, Candice admitted to being a tad on the large side. I don't know too many large people with moves like that aren't in the WWE. The Showdown between Peter and Sylar was a tad on the anticlimactic side, but I guess that was to be expected. Of everything that happened in that last sequence, I was most happy to see Nathan redeem himself after consistently being a piece of crap all season. Some questions: If Peter can fly, why didn't he just take off himself to spare the city from devastation? Why didn't Claire, who made a spectacular escape while being held captive by Mama and Nathan Petrelli - I might add, just shoot Peter? For that matter, Noah had a gun on Peter as well. Why let Nathan and Peter both die (presumably) when Peter was the only one who had to be killed? Also, what exactly set Peter into detonation mode and why didn't anyone mention the fact that Sylar's body was nowhere to be found? Surely someone must have noticed this. Also, as several people pointed out in the chat, where was everybody in the city? You know, normal non-powered New Yorkers? Did the city just shut down for a couple of hours?
Oh well, I guess I can't be too picky and I'm sure you all fill me in on your personal theories. It was going to be impossible to live up to the hype, but all things considered, they did a decent job of it. Lastly, I found the clip to Generations really piqued my curiosity. To use Hiro's word, the show looks "@#$%!" good!

NUTTED BY REALITY

If you've been reading the Phile for the last year and a half, you'd know I'm a reality TV junkie, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Although "On the Lot" got off to slow start, I really see some potential in the show and think it's going to be another bona fide hit in the realm of "Survivor" and "The Apprentice". Why you ask? Because it takes all the things we like about the aforementioned shows (i.e. the competitiveness, the warring type A personalities, the bitchiness, and the everyman appeal of the contestants) and wraps it around a topic most of us have more than a passing interest in - movies. We're all movie critics, except most of the time the only voting we get to do is with our hard earned dollars at the box office and movie store. I think it'll be an interesting change of pace to vote on these short films in an "American Idol" style competition. It also helps that the stakes are very high considering the winner gets a million dollar development deal at DreamWorks. Before getting into the show, why oh why is Chelsea Handler hosting this thing? I find her to be the antithesis of funny and put on her "comedy" show when I'm out of Tylenol PM. I'm lucky I stayed awake through the intro. We quickly learn that 12,000 directors from 33 countries submitted films to be in this competition, and they've already narrowed it down to a more manageable 50. My least favorite part of any reality series is the very beginning of the show when there are a buttload of people rolling around making it difficult for me to keep up with anyone. I can't wait until this group gets whittled down even further so I can actually start learning and caring about some of these personalities.
Carrie Fisher announced the five loglines the contestants would use to create their pitch for the judges (Carrie Fisher being one Brett Ratner and Garry Marshall being the other two in this episode). Since the contestants only had 12 hours to put their pitch together, I'm pretty sure a few of them had their own personal "logline" coming out of the seat of their pants. I know I would. The loglines were as follows: Logline # 1 A slacker applies to the CIA as a joke and is accepted. Logline # 2 A man is watching TV and he sees his face as someone who is wanted or missing. Logline # 3
A mouse is abducted as a lab rat by a pharmaceutical company and has to plan his escape. Logline # 4 A priest meets the woman of his dreams just as he is about to be ordained. Logline # 5 A crate from a military base is delivered to a house in suburbia.
The next portion of the show reminded me a lot of the audition process in "American Idol". There were some good pitches, but a majority of them were painfully awkward to watch. I felt completely embarrassed for some of these people, particularly for a guy named Mark Mclain who pitched a movie called Ratted Out. I couldn't really make out what the hell he was talking about after he uttered the words "he turns into rat man with the size and strength of a human being but the power of a rat" because I was laughing way too loud. I actually started out liking the pitch from Ramsey Mellette about the priest who falls in love with a girl who was possessed by the devil. Then it just got way too weird, and he lost me. I won't even mention the guy on crack who whipped off his belt and started beating the floor like some demented sadist. If anything, reality TV always reminds me why the pharmaceutical companies that sell the crazy pills stay in business. Eventually, I got my wish and the group was carved down to a slightly smaller number. They were paired in groups of three to write, direct, and shoot a 2 1/2 minute show in 24 hours. This is where the competition really started heating up. Every person competing on the show is a director and have their own creative vision for how scenes should be written and shot. There was destined to be some clashes, and burly Jeff and Napoleon like Marty were the first to verbally spar when their styles conflicted. Of course, that's about where the show ended this week.
I really think they should have busted out a 2-hour-premiere for this first night particularlybecause they'd have a decent lead in crowd from that travesty of an "American Idol" finale. (Blika, Blika, Blake is winning it all). As it stands, we have to wait until tonight to see how the rest of this plays out. Logan is watching Robots
on DVD right now, so I'll watch it tomorrow. I also think they should have played up the whole Steven Spielberg aspect to the show a lot more. After all, he is an Executive Producer. Why not mention this 20 times during the episode? He's insanely popular and it could only keep people interested in the series. Anyhow, can't wait until we get into the meat of the competition, and I get to start commenting on some of the contestant's films.

TODAY IN HISTORY

1610
Buggery is criminalized for the first time in North America, when the Virginia colony declares that "[n]o man shal commit the horrible, and detestable sinnes of Sodomie upon pain of death."
1856
A small gang led by abolitionist John Brown murders five pro-slavery homesteaders in Franklin County, Kansas, hacking them to pieces with swords. The event comes to be known as the Pottawatomie Massacre.
1920
Senile French President Paul Deschanel falls off a train bound for Montbrison, and is later discovered wandering along the track in his pajamas.
1964
All hell breaks loose in the closing minutes of a match between Peru and Argentina, after a referee disallows a goal. 318 people are killed and 500 injured in Lima, Peru, making it the worst soccer riot in history.
2007
My son Logan graduates from first grade. Holy shit, I have a second grader.

GEEK TALK

Okay, get this: Keanu Reeves' new movie Night Watch. Its title recently changed from The Night Watchman to Night Watch to avoid confusion with Zack Snyder's upcoming superhero movie called Watchmen. I found it odd at the time that the filmmakers aren't concerned about getting mixed up with Night Watch, Nightwatch, or Nightwatch. Believe it or not, this title hopping is about to get even more complicated -- Keanu Reeves has been offered a role in Watchmen! My head hurts. Sources say Reeves has been offered the role of Doctor Manhattan, AKA Dr. Jon Osterman -- the "big blue superbeing" with god-like powers like superhuman strength, telekenesis, the ability to teleport, and clairvoyance. In the immortal words of Reeves himself: "Whoa!" Jude Law is expected to take on the role of Adrien Veidt, or Ozymandias -- "the smartest man on the planet." Law is a longtime Watchmen fan, and was expected to get the role, although Chris reported a couple months ago on rumors that fellow fan Tom Cruise was interested. Little Children's Patrick Wilson is expected to play Dan Drieberg -- Nite Owl, a hero similar to Batman. Watchmen is a twelve issue graphic novel written by Alan Moore and illustrated by Dave Gibbons, and is considered by many to be the pinnacle of the form. It is the only graphic novel to have been featured on Time Magazine's 2005 list of the 100 best English language novels from 1923 to the present. It is also my favorite graphic novel ever and I have personally been waiting for this movie for twenty years!!! Zack Snyder is directing Watchmen as his follow-up to the smash hit 300. The star of that film, Gerard Butler, has been linked to Watchmen as well, but now that three of the leads seem to be nearly finalized, that may not come to pass. What do you guys think -- are these good choices?There are still a lot of Watchmen roles up for grabs, who would you want to see round out the cast?

MOVIE BUZZ

The Dark Knight
Over the weekend, Bat-fans scrambled to uncover a grotesque image of Heath Ledger as the Joker that was eventually removed and replaced with a cryptic, hidden message saying, "See you in December." Good thing. That photo was scary enough to really make me want to quit him.
U2 3-D
The 3-D for this film will make it seem like you're really at a concert by the Irish rock band. Before I decide if I want to go see this: Can any U2 fan tell me if girls at their shows take off their tops?
Indiana Jones and the City of Gods
Further plot details have been leaked saying that the sequel will take place in the '50s, Shia LaBeouf will play a "greaser" and that he and Indy investigate extraterrestrials. Cool. Sounds like that episode of "Happy Days" where Fonzie met Mork from Ork.
Kane & Lynch
The violent video game about a mercenary and a schizophrenic that hasn't even been released yet already has a director attached for the adaptation: Jieho Lee. So, why are they making movies about unreleased games? I'm still waiting for Space Invaders and Pac-Man.
I Know Who Killed Me
If you go to the film's official site and lie about your age during registration, you can watch Lindsay Lohan dance around in her underwear in the clip called "She's Different." Which is, of course, way less of what we've seen of her on gossip sites all over the web already.

Well, there you go, Phans. I still can't believe we hit 2000 views before June. Tomorrow we are planning on seeing the Pirates movie, so when I get back home I will post the review in a Peverett Phile Extra. Also, the Phile will be updated on Monday instead on Thursday as next week I'll be at Star Wars Weekends. Tomorrow, Monday and then on Sunday's all through June you can read the latest entries of the Phile. And as always, spread the word, not the turd.
'Nuff said.



 









































1 comment:

trel67 said...

And Congratulations to the Phile from Storytime With Jeff on hitting 2000 views by June.  

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