Hello, and welcome to the latest entry of the Peverett Phile. Big news: Rosie O’Donnell is leaving "The View.” After making that announcement, she shaved her head and checked into rehab. Do you believe the turnover at that show? It makes the Iraqi government look stable. McDonald’s has just introduced a Happy Meal with toys inspired by "American Idol.” The toys include a microphone, sunglasses, and a Paula Abdul shot glass. New York City Mike Bloomberg says he wants to copy an anti-poverty program that’s currently used in Mexico. Apparently Mexico has a great anti-poverty program — it’s called a bus ticket to Los Angeles. Jessica Simpson’s father has offered to manage Britney Spears’ career. When asked why he wants to manage Britney, he said, "She‘s like the third untalented daughter I never had.”
Former N.J. Gov. Jim McGreevey’s ex-wife says in her new book that McGreevey is not really homosexual. She’s says he’s not really homosexual. McGreevey was furious and said, "How many guys do you have to screw to get your wife to call you gay?” Astronomers made an amazing discovery. A new planet that may be able to support life. You know name scientists have given this planet? 581C. Can’t they do better than that? That doesn’t sound like a planet — that sounds like an apartment. Hillary Clinton says that if she’s elected, she will name her husband "roving ambassador to the world." Former President Bill Clinton will be the roving ambassador to the world. Let me think about this . . . Bill Clinton traveling around the world without his wife . . . No, I can’t see anything going wrong there. President Bush met with the president of Peru. When the Peruvian president invited president Bush to visit Machu Pichu Bush said, "Great! I love Pokemon.” Bill Clinton announced he would be traveling to Russia to attend the funeral of former president of Russia, Boris Yeltsin. At least that’s what he’s telling Hillary. While Simon Cowell was in Los Angeles working on "American Idol,” his home in London was robbed. Police say it was the work of professional thieves, but Cowell described them as "amateurish and uninspired." Archaeologists in Miami have unearthed part of a human skeleton that is almost 3,000 years old. Apparently they found the 3,000-year-old skeleton when they X-rayed Larry King.
NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS
CHECK, PLEASE: Doctors desperately tried to re-attach a man's penis after he burst into a crowded London restaurant on Sunday, dropped his trousers, and hacked his own organ off in front of horrified diners. The man, thought to be Polish, ran into the Zizzi Italian restaurant on The Strand at about 9pm on Sunday night, when it was crowded with people who had been watching the London Marathon earlier in the day. Sales rep Stuart McMahon, who was eating at the restaurant with his girlfriend, told the Sun: "This guy came running in then charged into the kitchen, got a massive knife and started waving it about. Everyone was screaming and running out as he jumped on a table, dropped his trousers and popped his penis out. Then he cut it off. I couldn't believe it." Restaurant staff called the police, who had to subdue the man with CS gas, before taking him to hospital. They also picked up the severed penis, put it on ice, and gave it to doctors. A spokesman for St Thomas's Hospital, where the man was taken, confirmed that doctors had attempted to re-attach the organ – but would not say if the procedure had been successful. It is thought to be the first time in Britain that a penis has been sewn back on, Police are still trying to identify the man, who was not carrying any form of identification on him. A source told The Sun: "We believe he's Polish and 35. We don't know if he has a history of mental illness, but he's clearly not a well boy."
TODAY IN HISTORY
Discovered hiding in a farmer's tobacco shed, John Wilkes Booth is shot in the neck by a complete lunatic. Dying and paralyzed from the neck down, he whispers: "Tell my mother I did it for my country." As his hands are held up to his face, Booth mutters "useless... useless..." They are his last words.
Hermann Goering founds the Geheime Staatspolizei, otherwise known as the Gestapo. The original purpose of this "Secret State Police" is to disrupt and harass opponents of National Socialism, but it will later come to adopt many additional responsibilities.
Paul McCartney denies rumors of his recent death. Eventually, most people come to believe him.
44 seconds into a late-night experiment at the Chernobyl nuclear power station, reactor number four sustains two large explosions. A plume of dangerous radioactivity looms three kilometers high, making it the worst catastrophe in the history of nuclear power. The Soviet news agency TASS holds off reporting the incident for almost 48 hours.
In a telephone interview, Michigan judge Francis Bourisseau explains that he would never grant an abortion to a minor, except perhaps for white girls raped by blacks. For some reason, this statement manages to attract wide attention.
It's Linderman's voice we hear over the "previously on Heroes" opening segment, rather than that of previous narrator Mohinder. That's an improvement. To tell you the truth I didn't know what to expect tonight. "Heroes" seems like it has been gone so long, I started worrying that its return would inevitably fail to live up to my anticipation. I needn't have worried. I quickly found myself falling right back into the groove of the show. My favorite storyline was the Texas one. I enjoyed HRG's orchestration of the escape, using his knowledge of Matt and Ted's powers. As the Eric Roberts character will later say of HRG to the Artist Mohinder: "Glasses? Tall fella? He's no longer with the company." No doubt. Though how funny is it when Matt suddenly realizes HRG is not some major player, but only "middle-management" without absolute knowledge of what the Company's overall agenda is, or even that Linderman is involved? Linderman turns out to be some sort of idealist, in his own mind at least. Got to say though, that plan of bringing about world unity via nuclear disaster is a pretty tough sale. Recent history alone is filled with plenty of unprecedented catastrophes -- none of which have brought the human race to any condition approaching unity. Sorry, even for a super-villain this plan's dicey. Naturally, this may not be Linderman's real motivation, but only his approach at hooking Nathan. And Nathan seems to take the bait. Early on, it does look as if Nathan's repulsed by the whole scheme. The clincher seems to be Nathan's discovery that Peter might (though it is still a mighty big might) be able to survive self-explosion. By this time Nathan has had a chance to salivate awhile over the idea of himself in the Oval Office. Nathan hears Peter's theory that Claire's presence in New York is the "save the world" part of a certain famous catch-phrase. He decides to send her to Paris until after the election anyway. Seems clear that Nathan is signing on to the Linderman plan. It's a good thing Mohinder packed Peter's corpse into the cab and personally brought it to the Petrelli mansion, rather than, say, call 911. It's probably no surprise to viewers that Peter didn't stay dead. The real suspense here came in wondering how he would return to life and how long it would take. Because of the early reveal of Linderman's own ability, I thought Peter might actually stay dead awhile and get resurrected by the big man himself. Or maybe that Mama Petrelli's (still unrevealed) power might also be as a healer of some sort. But Claire's removal of a glass shard hidden in Peter's trademarked dark wavy locks made a nice sortof symmetry with his first meeting of cheerleader. Future Hiro, when he contacted Peter, stopping time in a subway car early in the series, mentioned not recognizing Peter "without his scar." Peter didn't get that scar from Sylar we now know. With his Claire-ability I imagine giving him a physical scar won't be easy in any case. Maybe this indicates that the past (from Future Hiro's point-of-view) has been changed, or maybe additional scarification possibilities lie ahead in Peter's future. Candice tries to pass herself off as Claire to HRG, but he isn't fooled. Impersonating family-members to get information is not the kind of trick you can pull over and over again on the same person, after all. Actually, I think Candice and the Company are attempting to mess with Mr. Bennet's head here, and not really fool him. Candice soon moves on to kidnapping Micah for Linderman. He politely asks Jessica for Micah first, which you'd think would spur Jessica into running away immediately with the kid, but it doesn't. Anyhow, with the way Jessica/Niki and D.L. handle their lives, maybe Micah is better off as the pawn of an evil billionaire for awhile. D.L. makes an interesting statement at one point. He says Jessica's personality is a lot more like Niki/Jessica's father than that of the dead twin, so crazy in this family goes back at least one generation. Isaac the artist gets a real send-off. I actually started to like him for the first time right as he's dying, which is the way it seems to go on these contemporary serial dramas. Sylar appears mesmerized by his newest ability, painting the future. But if Isaac is right this is just about the end of the road for the serial-killer. Syar's own painting-style is, appropriately for the character, much more twisted than Isaac's. His own rendering of a previously-painted scene is distorted and savage. We only get back to the future with Hiro and Ando in the final minutes, just enough time for Hiro to confuse Ando with his theory about how Isaac might still be alive. I suspect most fans were happy to see Future Hiro turn up. However, Future Hiro himself seems none too pleased with his past self. "You," he says, with unreserved contempt. Didn't expect that. I'm looking forward to see how it plays out ...
The Sci Fi channel has announced it will begin airing "Doctor Who" series three in July. The third season of the program is already airing on the BBC, but American Whovians are used to waiting a little while to get their fix. The new season will kick off with the Christmas special episode "The Runaway Bride," so I guess this will be a sort of Christmas in July. David Tennant will reprise his role as the Doctor, although it's anybody's guess whether he'll be back for a fourth season. With the departure of Billie Piper, the Doctor will pick up a new traveling companion, Martha Jones, played by Freema Agyeman. Sci Fi says the second season of "Doctor Who" drew more than 1 million viewers each week, which are pretty good numbers for the niche cable network.
MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU
According to CNN, Mark Hamill has agreed to resurrect Luke Skywalker for -- wait for it -- a thirty-minute "Robot Chicken" special on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Not only that, but George Lucas (who, of course, had to give the greenlight) will play himself in the special. Imagine that one! Lucas has lightened up. I love it! Apart from acting, Lucasfilm helped collaborate with Chicken creators Seth Green and Matthew Senreich, going so far as to provide them with sound files on Chewbacca and R2-D2. The special, "Robot Chicken: Star Wars", will premiere on Adult Swim this June 17 at 10PM EST. I've never been a huge fan of Seth Green, but the man earned a ton of respect from me when his "Robot Chicken" hit the boob tube last year (or was it the year before, I forget?). The show, which utilizes a stop-motion animation technique, is so ridiculously funny that I often find myself laughing so loud, my neighbors are forced to bang on the wall. This entire special came about after Robot Chicken featured a skit called Emperor's Phone Call, in which Darth Vader calls the Emperor to let him know the Death Star has been blown up. When reps from Lucasfilm wanted the sketch for StarWars.com, a meeting was held between Green, Senreich and Lucasfilm, they pitched their ideas and, now, Luke Skywalker is coming back! Now, don't get too excited -- it's not like Hamill will bring back Luke for the upcoming animated Star Wars TV show, but knowing those Chicken boys, I'm sure this one-time appearance will be worth awatch.
NUTTED BY REALITY
On this, the third-to-last episode of "The Amazing Race", the four remaining teams had various meltdowns: Danny and Oswald couldn’t find the waterfront or the pit stop; Charla and Mirna couldn’t cut noodles the right size or drive a tiny car; and Eric and Danielle were consumed with rage about being Yielded. Despite all of this drama, none of the teams suffered as a result, and what fun is pain without penalty?
“Thanks, Travelocity,” Danny said at the start of the episode, as he and Oswald surfed the Internet to look at the prize they won last week. The screen shot we saw, however, was obviously fake and not really their web surfing. They were probably checking their e.mail.
Ironically, a few minutes later, Oswald asked, “are we allowed to prostitute ourselves on the race?” as if they hadn’t just done that for Travelocity. By the way, every time I mention Travelocity I get five cents.
Mirna told us, “People think that because Charla’s short, they think I’m supposed to treat her in a special way.” Actually, no one thinks that, but we do think people should treat you however one treats a harpy.
“We’ll Yield whoever you want,” Oswald told Dustin and Kandice, asking for only cash in return, thus giving us the first instance of Yield-whoring ever.
Dustin and Kandice paid to Yield Eric and Danielle. “Now we officially are the Yield queens. We just bought a Yield,” Dustin or Kandice said. We’re almost at the end of their second season and I still have no idea which one is which.
At the Macau Tower, Phil introduced the Roadblock, “the highest jump in the history of The Amazing Race.” Walking around the top of the Macau Tower before jumping, Charla said, “The wind is blowing me, it’s pushing me away.” How funny would it have been if she was blown off the tower? She was safely strapped in, so she would have been fine, but I totally wanted to see her go flying. Yes, I’m ashamed.
“We’re not really worried about getting Yielded again; we already got Yielded once,” Eric said. As soon as he realized he had been Yielded, he said, “You guys are pieces of shit” and other charming things such as, “I’m gonna kick down Danny and Oswald’s face when I see ‘em.”
Oswald, frustrated with a lost cab driver, said, “God grant me the patience to withstand the things I cannot change. And the intelligence to hide the body of this man once I’m done killing him.”
From the Things Eric Has Probably Said Before files, Eric told Danielle, “You’re not doing anything by holding that. Pull the stuff.”
“Your car go; our car behind you,” Charla told a cab driver, again slipping into her weird imitation of a foreign language.
“We need to reverse the car back. I don’t want to die,” Charla said. Suggestion: Tell your cousin to stop pulling the car backwards with her hands and, You know, actually drive it.
Waiting out their 30-minuted penalty (they were marked for elimination), Eric said, “Don’t even get excited, because in four minutes, they’re going to show up.” But Danny and Oswald didn’t and thus the Yielded were able to check in. “The rest of my hair’s going to fall out; I need to get double Propecia or something,” Eric said, being impressively self-deprecating for a change.
After getting lost, Danny and Oswald checked in last but were saved by the last non-elimination leg, another undramatic conclusion.
THE SIMPSONS MOVIE
Matt Groening says that Bart will have a scene of full-frontal nudity.
CROSSING THE LINE
How does Peter Jackson follow up the nine-hour Lord of the Rings trilogy and the three-hour King Kong remake? With a 12-minute WWI film.
FILTH AND WILSON
Madonna is planning her directing debut. Her husband's obviously given up on making a good movie ever again, so why shouldn't she give it a shot?
AVATAR vs. MONSTERS vs. ALIENS
These two sci-fi flicks are slated to be released in 3-D on Memorial Day 2009. I hope the ads they show before each film are in 3-D, too, because that would be totally awesome.
Zach Braff says he's "too busy" to star in the prequel. So that means Fletch won't be a whiney suburban dude with romance "issues"? Darn, then I definitely don't want to go see that then.
THE INCREDIBLE HULK
Avi Arad admitted he was only joking when he implied the Hulk was going to be gray. Others say he got his color back once Edward Norton was told his onscreen girlfriend would probably be Jessica Biel. Hubba hubba.
There you have it, kids. The latest entry of the Phile. If you're taking score, we are at over 1700 views right now. 2000 is not far away, and I think we can reach it by June. Just send a bulletin to everyone on your Myspace friends list or address book and invite them to go check the Phile out. Remember, spread the word, not the turd.