Thursday, September 28, 2006

Where Wet Dreams Come True

Welcome to the Peverett Phile, where wet dreams come true. Virginia Senator George Allen is under fire for making racially insensitive remarks and for having a Confederate flag in his office. He blames it all on the Jewish controlled media. The Senate has passed a resolution to build a 700 mile fence along our 2,000 mile Mexican border. This is what happens when you let President Bush do the math. The Fox network has a new show coming out called "When Presidents Attack!” Did you see that? President Clinton’s interview with Chris Wallace, he said he tried to kill Osama bin Laden many times. I’d believe Clinton but we all know how bad his aim is. If Osama bin Laden weighed 200 more pounds and wore a red beret Clinton would have nailed him! Bill hasn’t been this angry since Hillary made him take his page off MySpace. There’s rumors going around that George Clooney might run for a political office. When asked about it Clooney said, "The only thing I’m running for is two legs and skirt.” He said that. Which Ted Kennedy responded, "No reason you can’t do both.” Liquids can now be carried on flights again. However the liquids must be bought in airport gift shops. You know who thought of this? The airport gift shops. Gas prices have now gone from obscene to jus indecent. Jackass II is the big hit at the box office. Don’t confuse that with Jackass I which is about Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. As you know Hugo Chavez insulted President Bush last week at the U.N. This upset many Americans. It goes across party lines. Democrat Representative Charlie Rangel said it’s one thing for Americans to criticize President Bush, but not okay for foreign leaders to do it on American soil. Sort of like Catholics making fun of Catholics. Jews making fun of Jews. Or Michael Jackson making fun of child molesters. He also called President Bush "the devil”. Then he called him a "cowboy”. President Bush’s response was, "He is sure making it hard me to figure out my Halloween costume.” And finally, they've come out with a new Tickle Me Elmo Doll that lies on its back and kicks its legs in the air. Don't confuse this with the Paris Hilton Doll. That's totally different!

DOCTOR WHO NEWS

Sci Fi Wire, the news service of the US Sci Fi Channel, has announced the North American release of the second series on DVD on 16 January 2007, according to BBC Worldwide Americas. "We're over the moon with Doctor Who," said Megan Branigan, vice president of BBC video marketing, in an interview with Sci-Fi Wire. "We're really pleased with the results this year. We're very excited to continue the momentum with [season] two as we did with [season] one." The DVD release will be exactly the same as the UK version, including video diaries, the cut-down versions of Doctor Who Confidential, and the lenticular box cover. The second series of Doctor Who starring David Tennant will begin tomorrow, Friday 29 September on Sci Fi in the US, and on 9 October in Canada on CBC; the release states that the DVD set will be released on the Tuesday after the series finale in the US, meaning that the season will finish later than was originally expected and will likely skip several weekends late in 2006.
 
WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY
 
CBS keeps moving The Amazing Race, and it’s just not helping. The show placed third in its new Sunday night timeslot, beaten by both Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and Sunday Night Football. An average of 10.1 million people watched the start of the new race, while Ty Pennington drew 11.5 million. Both were stomped by football’s 18.4 million viewers. But there was more bad news for Phil and his new bag o’ dirty tricks: “the debut slipped 11% compared with last fall’s premiere among the core audience of adults ages 18 to 49,” the Los Angeles Times reports. Just to grind the splinter in a bit deeper, the LA Times notes that, along with the news that Survivor had its lowest debut yet, this means “CBS is entering the new season … with two of its top reality franchises showing signs of advanced age.” And on Survivor: Billy was voted off Survivor Cook Islands last Thursday after his tribe threw the challenge just to get rid of him. But he told Jeff Probst something at Tribal Council that was perhaps the most unexpected, random moment in the show’s 13 season history. Here’s how the conversation went: Billy: “My prize was that I fell in love in this game, love at first sight. Her name is Candace.” (laughter from his tribemates) Probst: “Candice from Raro tribe?” Billy: “Yeah, at the last challenge, we sort of mouthed the words ‘I love you’ to each other, so that was my prize, and my prize was her.” Probst: “I’ve never heard anything that surprised me more than what you just said. And I want to be respectful because I don’t know what happened. But what would she base feeling the same way you feel on?” Billy: “I think it’s just love at first sight. I think it’s just a rapport thing.” Probst: “So you’re absolutely sincere right now.” Billy: “I’m dead serious.” This would be touching and cute except for that fact that Billy clearly read into something that just wasn’t there. At the challenge, Candice told the entire Aitu tribe, “I feel really bad for you guys.” Billy quietly told her, “I’m next.” She said, “We love you,” and then, ignoring the “we,” replied, “I love you” while looking sheepish. So very, very sad.
 
TODAY IN HISTORY
 
1066: Duke William lands 7,000 troops at Pevensey, Kent. Thus begins the Norman conquest of England. 1850: The United States Navy abolishes the practice of flogging. Among the crimes for which this was the penalty are: stealing poultry from the coop (12 lashes), being lousy (6), stealing a wig (12), and being naked on the spar deck (9). This reform is perhaps the signature moment in Millard Filmore's presidency. 1920: A Cook County grand jury indicts the Black Sox 8 -- the White Sox players paid to throw the 1919 World Series to the Cincinnati Reds. Even though they are found not guilty, Commissioner Landis bans them all from professional baseball for life. 1978: A nun at the Vatican discovers the lifeless body of Pope John Paul I, formerly Albino Luciani, in bed. The pontiff had been on the job only 33 days before unexpectedly dying in his sleep, after having taken some sort of pills with dinner. The church refuses to grant an autopsy. 1989: Former Philippine president Ferdinand Marcos dies in Waikiki, Hawaii, after three years in exile. He was in ill health, and awaiting US charges on looting funds from his country. His wife keeps the cadaver in a refrigerated coffin for years. 1994: The ferry Estonia suddenly capsizes in the Baltic, drowning 852. The vessel sinks in less than five minutes, making it impossible for more than a handful of passengers to make it to the lifeboats. Many of them die trapped in their cabins. 1994: The world fails to end for a Borneo doomsday cult based in Sabah, after authorities arrest nearly 200 members, more than 50 of whom are children. The armed group was garbed in yellow robes and intended to perform a human sacrifice before the End Time.
 
CANNED LAUGHTER
 
 A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asked him, "What happened to you?" "Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it, stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!' I don't remember much after that."
Q: If women with big boobs work at Hooters, where do girls with one leg work?
A: IHOP.
 
I COME FROM A NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS
 
British clinics treating couples with fertility problems are suffering from a major sperm shortage after the authorities lifted donor anonymity in April last year. A BBC television investigation said that 50 of the 74 clinics which responded to questioning had either insufficient sperm or none at all. The country as a whole has about 85 such clinics. Donors of frozen sperm, eggs and embryos were stripped of their anonymity in April 2005. Now a child born thanks to a donation is able to discover the identity of the donor once they reach the age of 18. Previously, donor children were only able to obtain non-identifying information and to verify that they were not genetically related to their partner's family. Donors of fresh sperm will have their anonymity lifted next year. California has allowed publication of the identities of donors since the early 1980s. In Europe, Sweden lifted anonymity in 1984, followed by Norway, the Netherlands and Iceland. In France, a proposal was submitted in June to create a so-called "double counter": one with identified donors, and one with anonymous ones. Future parents would be able to choose between the two. In 2000, Britain had 325 donors, compared to just 157 between January and August 2005, according to the latest data acquired by AFP from the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA), the authority that oversees fertility treatment. According to the BBC investigation, there are only 169 registered donors in the United Kingdom and none in Northern Ireland, one in Scotland and six in Wales. The new technique, intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI), means in-vitro fertilisation for an egg with the sperm of the future father after natural attempts at conception have failed. Some 15,000 treatments of this type were carried out in 2002-2003 (compared to 10,000 in 1998-1999), along with more than 6,000 inseminations through donors (10,000 in 1998-1999). The British Fertility Society (BFS) says it is "well aware of the difficulties many patients throughout the country are experiencing" and noted that the BBC's investigation "reinforces our own findings that many clinics are now finding it impossible to provide these services". A group study set up by the society should "shortly" deliver recommendations to the health ministry, said Dr Mark Hamilton, its president. But the new legislation is not retrospective, so new requests for the identities of today's donors should start appearing only in 2023. According to the HFEA, those who have made donations between 1991 and 2005 can voluntarily relinquish their anonymity. Some clinics have been forced to seek stocks overseas, particularly in Spain. Since 1991, 16,000 babies have been born through sperm donations. A single donation can be used by up to ten families. The process doesn't come cheap, with HFEA saying IVF costs between 2,000 and 3,000 pounds (2,973 to 4,459 euros, or 3,799 to 5,698 dollars).
 
BIZARRE X-RAYS
 
 
On 2004, dutch actress Georgina Verbaan confounded critics who doubted the authenticity of her mams by publishing impressive x-ray profiles of the suspect assets on her website. The results are conclusive proof that the 25-year-old did not surgically enhance her jubs in advance of a €200,000 photo shoot for the December issue of Dutch Playboy.
 
P.P.T.V.
 
chateau lafitte 59 boogie "this is KIL N FLO playing a foghat song the sound is weak at best this band started as a jam session band the three lead guitars was real cool pardon the sound but this rocks."
Nestor Judkins "This is the new enjoi commercial with Nestor Judkins. Nestor's freakin sick, he's got great, clean style. The song is Foghat- I Just Want To Make Love To You."
NRBQ Little Floater "NRBQ perform Little Floater, their late period classic, with a little help on saxophone from Phil Woods."
John Hiatt with Sonny Landreth and the Goners "Riding with the King" ...You Decide: Greatest Hiatt/Landreth performance ever?  
John Hiatt - Perfectly Good Guitar "Perfectly Good Guitar"
 
MOVIE BUZZ 
 
Russell Crowe's Rumored-But-Totally-Not-Gonna-Happen Crocodile Hunter Biopic: It's going to take more than a Russell Crowe tantrum to stop Hollywood from profiting from Steve Irwin's death: Somebody even more famous is going to have to die.
Deja Vu: Weird. I feel like I've seen this trailer before …
Blood Diamond: DiCaprio's vaguely "South African" accent is bloody awful.
Harsh Times" Here's further proof that Christian Bale, post-traumatic stress disorder, booze and guns are a dangerous combo.
Atlas Shrugged: Not only will it star Angelina Jolie, but considering the subject matter, there's a high probability that theaters will be packed with brainy college feminists. Hot!
Home Of The Brave: Sam Jackson, Jessica Biel, 50 Cent and a bunch of other random people go to war in the trailer, and then when they get back home, they have, like, issues to deal with and stuff. It's this year's Crash.
 
Well, I think that's about it. Check out the Phile's webshots page at
peverettphile  to see pics from the Innoventions Cast Cook-Out, and our trip to Busch Gardens. Remember, spread the word, and not the turd.
 
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1 comment:

trel67 said...

Good stuff as always.  Ya gotta love the wet t-shirt contest picture at the end.

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