Hello, Phile Phans, and welcome to a an extra entry of the Peverett Phile, dedicated to Spider-Man. It's May Movie Month on the Phile, so this should be the first extra entry this month.
SHARPENING AXES
The age of comic-book superheroes began in 1938 with Superman, and for the next 25 years, superstuds were just that: chiseled adults saving the world from catastrophe. Then Spider-Man crawled onto the pages of Marvel Comics, and the first teenage superhero was born. Here now, extracted like lethal venom from the arachnid that punctured Peter Parker, a few red-letter dates in Spidey's 45-year history.
1962
In the late summer of 1962, amidst the tumult of Marilyn Monroe's death and the looming Cuban Missile Crisis, a nerdy teen with the euphonious name of Peter Parker is bitten by a radioactive arachnid and morphs into the world's newest superhero: Spider-Man. The webbed one debuts in Marvel Comics' Amazing Fantasy #15, at a whopping price of 12 cents. (Today, you can have it for a mere $42,000.) Stan Lee pens the story, inspired by pulp crimefighter the Spider — and a housefly climbing up a wall.
1963
Six months after his auspicious debut, Spidey gets his own comic. And The Amazing Spider-Man #1 works overtime — it contains two stories featuring the tireless arachnid. In the first, we meet irascible Daily Bugle potentate J. Jonah Jameson, who writes some poison-pen editorials labeling Spidey a freak and a public menace. Worse, after the death of his Uncle Ben, Peter is desperate to make some money to help his Aunt May. Cut to the second tale, in which Spider-Man faces off against the Chameleon and meets other partners in crime(fighting) — the Fantastic Four. Peter thinks he can draw a "top salary" if he makes the four a five by joining up. But he soon learns that the FF, though an equal-opportunity employer, is strictly a nonprofit enterprise!
1963
When you've got a superhero, you need a villain. Spidey gets three in quick succession: The Vulture reared his avaricious talons in The Amazing Spider-Man #2, followed by Dr. Octopus (Doc Ock) in #3 and #4 and the Sandman, also in #4. Rumor has it that Doc Ock, with his snazzy Ray-Bans, was partially inspired by singer Roy Orbison.
1964
Spidey's archenemy the Green Goblin enters the scene in #14. And what an entrance! Speeding along on some half-amped-up broomstick, half Dirt Devil vacuum cleaner, the vengeful Goblin tosses stun-grenades and marshals his minions to put the hurt on Spidey during a movie shoot in New Mexico. And that's just the beginning. During a knock-down battle in a cavern, the webbed wonder runs smack dab into the Incredible Hulk, who isn't in the mood for chitchat.
1966
Just a Guy Named Joe (#38) marks the last issue illustrated by co-creator Steve Ditko. John Romita succeeds Ditko, who goes on to draw stories for The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man and the surrealistic Doctor Strange, which strikes a particular chord among college kids who have a penchant for psychedelic drugs.
1966
She's previously only been glimpsed tantalizingly with her face obscured, but #42 marks the first full appearance of Peter's future paramour, Mary Jane Watson. In the comic's now-famous final panel, after finally consenting to a "blind" dinner date with M.J., Peter exclaims: "You mean that's Mary Jane?!!" To which the redheaded bombshell replies: "Face it, Tiger … You just hit the jackpot!"
1967
Spider-Man is reimagined into an animated Saturday-morning cartoon with the catchiest theme song since "Mr. Ed". The series spins for three years and more than 70 episodes. Other animated series follow, one in 1981, which chronicles P.P. as a college lad and another from 1994-1997, with Stan Lee "keeping it real" for fans as an exec producer.
1967
The rogue's gallery just keeps getting thicker. In #50, we're introduced to the Kingpin, who "crosses over" and becomes a major villain in the Daredevil saga and perhaps the greatest criminal mind in the whole Marvel galaxy of supervillains. This landmark issue also features one of Spidey's greatest covers: Parker, with eyes downcast after repudiating his super alter ego, shambles into the foreground, while a large image of Spidey hovers in the background like a memory he'll never outrun.
1971
The U.S. Dept. of Health, Education and Welfare queries Stan Lee about concocting a cautionary tale of drug abuse that will resonate with youngsters. Lee enthusiastically writes a three-part story arc (#96-#98). In a case of not seeing the forest for the trees, the Comics Code Authority refuses to approve the story because of the sheer presence of narcotics (the anti-drug context is irrelevant to them). Marvel publisher Martin Goodman gives Lee the green light to print the story sans CCA approval, and the issue is a big hit.
1973
In #121-#122 a major character is killed, something exceedingly rare in the comic-book realm at the time. Peter's first gal-pal, the comely Gwen Stacy, gets tossed off a bridge by the Goblin, and in an effort to break her fall with a quickly spun web, Spidey breaks her neck instead. The Goblin is to blame for sure, but Peter is wracked with guilt.
1974
In a slim, 19-page book (#129), a new rogue called the Punisher strikes twice. The vigilante-assassin, modeled after the Dirty Harry and Death Wish movies popular at the time, goes on to star in his own self-titled film in 2004. It features Thomas Jane in the title role, as well as John Travolta and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, but bombs at the box office.
1974
In #136, Harry Osborn proves the old adage, "like father, like son," when he takes up where his dad left off, complete with his pappy's vendetta against Spidey. Thirty years later, Spider-Man 2 depicts this event to near universal acclaim.
1977
Forget for a sec the antiquated blue-screen effects, tilted cameras, dangling wires and archaic stunts, Spider-Man finally transitions from 15 years of print and animation to live action with breathing actors. In a short-lived CBS series that captured fewer ratings than Spidey nabbed criminals, Nicholas Hammond (Friedrich von Trapp for you Sound of Music fans) is your friendly neighborhood web-spinner.
1983
The next iteration of Spidey occurs via the Atari 2600. Fans can now shed their bystander status and participate in the action. Players must scale a building to diffuse explosives and smack down criminals as they pursue the Goblin. Over the years, 10 more video games follow in regular succession.
1984
In The Amazing Spider-Man: Homecoming #252, our preferred arthropod chucks his red and blue spider suit for black togs — as revolutionary and antithetical to the Spider-Man canon as, say, Superman flying capeless. Not everyone loves the change. The suit (which is an alien, actually) fuses with a man named Eddie Brock, and the hybrid will later become the destructive symbiote Venom, which proves to be Spidey's most lethal nemesis yet. The black suit and presence of Venom play very prominently in the film Spider-Man 3.
1988
The Amazing Spider-Man #288 features the first renderings by Todd McFarlane and #300 marks Spidey's 25th anniversary of fighting evil. But really, we all know action is his reward! McFarlane later forms his own production company and creates the occult-themed Spawn, whose first issue sells a record 1.7 million copies.
1993-1997
Comic-book speculating reaches its zenith and starts to implode (like baseball cards before them, the meteoric rise in prices for many early/key issues turned off loyalists). Two-thirds of all comic-book specialty stores close, and numerous publishers go under. Marvel declares bankruptcy in 1997, although it continues publishing. Marvel's brain trust (headed by new owner Ronald Perelman) feels the company can preserve cash flow if it distributes product directly to the market. But as the bottom falls out, Marvel is stuck with a glut of specialty and "collectible" issues that no one covets any more.
2002
After years of false starts, contract lapses and the revolving-door treatment at countless studios, Sony mounts a lavish production (estimated at nearly $140 million) of the Spider-Man epoch. Sam Raimi helms, with Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, James Franco and Willem Dafoe. It breaks the vaunted $100 million barrier faster than any theatrical release before it, setting an all-time single-day earning record at more than $43 million.
2003
MTV enters the lucrative fray with a new animated series that boasts such vocal yokels as Neil Patrick Harris as Peter, Ian Ziering parroting Harry and songstress Lisa Loeb voicing Mary Jane. The episodes are the first to incorporate CGI animation techniques and, following Marvel's lead, the series resurrects a younger (college-age) Peter Parker.
2004
In the much-anticipated sequel, a reluctant Peter dons his superhero togs once again and squares off against Dr. Otto Octavius (Alfred Molina). With umpteen tentacles sprouting from Doc Ock's back, the film wins the Best Special Effects Oscar in a walk.
2005
In a "disassembled" story (Spectacular Spider-Man vol. 2, #15-20), Peter undergoes a transformation that allows him to produce organic web fluid directly from his wrists. Previously, he had invented a chemical polymer compound that he stored in his suit and which allowed him to spin his webs. The one catch to his new natural ability is that it hinges on his health and nutrition, but the bio-webbing capability quickly supplants the homemade mixture.
2006
It had to happen. In the second issue of a limited seven-issue miniseries (Civil War #2), Spidey goes au naturel when he appears at a press conference without his mask. He reveals his true identity as a show of support for the government-sanctioned Superhero Registration Act, which was entered into law to crack down on superhero vigilantes. For fans, the story arc resembles the plotline to X-Men. No matter, the edition quickly sells out.
2007
The third Spidey flick opens May 4 with all the regulars (and Raimi at the helm) returning, plus Topher Grace (Eddie Brock/Venom) and Bryce Dallas Howard (Gwen Stacy). Budgeted at $240 million, it will be released in China the day before the American premiere to thwart pirated DVD copies from diluting the box-office take.
2008 and Beyond
Will there be a ? The producers say yes. Emphatically. Dunst says she's on board, if Raimi and Maguire are on board. Raimi hasn't said either way, but Tobey has followed up his initial "I'm out" with a less firm, "If whole team wants to get back together, and we feel like we can make a good movie that's worth making, then I'm up for it." Stay tuned …
MOVIE BUZZ
SPIDER-MAN 3
Starring Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, James Franco, Thomas Haden Church, Topher Grace, Bryce Dallas Howard. I could fill this whole entry with plot. Seriously, there is enough stuff going on to make the next couple of sequels. More villains, girlfriends, more emotional weight, more lovey-dovey stuff, more Bruce Campbell, more special effects — just more of everything. You even get two of Spider-Man. And I have to confess: Black-suited, evil Goth Spidey was kind of who I was rooting for. I love these movies. And I can already hear the complaints. That more is less this time around, that it's too much, it's overloaded, overlong, overdone, etc. I even heard someone, on the way out of the screening, say that it was like eating candy for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I love that one. Because they're right. It is like eating several entire bags of Starburst Fruit Chews. But who wouldn't want to eat candy all day every once in a while? The special effects/action sequences alone are like sugar-filled needles jabbed right into your face. I liked it when Parker became a bad-ass. He fails and ends up looking like one of the stylish '80s drug dealers in Less Than Zero. Or a snarling, angry kitten on Cuteoverload.com spitting at the camera. In any movie not as committed to amped-up fun as this, I'd be annoyed by that. But here it somehow fits right in. From 1 to 10, I give it a 10, and I can't wait to get it on DVD...and UMD.
While I'm at it, here is some other super hero news.
GEEK TALK
Those who were hoping that Jennifer Connelly -- pretty much the one good thing about Ang Lee's 2003 film Hulk -- would somehow make the nimble transition into playing Betty Ross again in the complete re-do version now being prepped can stop their fantasizing. 29-year old Liv Tyler has been cast as Ross, the long-time love interest to Ed Norton's Dr. Bruce Banner in The Incredible Hulk, which will begin shooting in Toronto this summer. As noted in The Hollywood Reporter, the Ross character has been a fixture of the Hulk comic since 1962; she is a fellow scientist who works with Banner to help him tame the beast within, not always successfully. The HR story also has plot details to reveal: the film will open with Banner and Ross estranged from each other, "but with the pursuit of the Hulk heating up and Banner on the run trying to cure his condition, Ross finds herself swept back into his life." This casting move, coupled with her leading role in the upcoming horror film The Strangers -- a new still from that film was released today, by the way -- suggests Tyler's stock as a leading lady is very much on the rise, which is a trend I support. As for director Louis Letterier, I'm one of those poor, unfortunate souls who still hasn't seen either The Transporter or its sequel Transporter 2, so I'm in no position to comment on whether he deserved to be handed the keys to a high-interest franchise like this, but here's hoping this team that's being assembled makes something interesting out of it. Norton and Tyler are both intriguing actors, and I can imagine that at the very least they'll findsome nice angles for their characters, whether the movie as a whole works or not.
Well, that's about it for this Spider-Man entry of the Phile. The Phile will be back as usual on Thursday the 10th, and th week after that Shrek 3 comes out, so I hope to have an entry dedicated to the Ogre. Until then, spread the word, not the turd. Oh, by the way, I was asked about the Peverett Phile merch on cafepress.com I mentioned a while ago. I am working on it, once I find the font (or phont) I am picturing in my head. And we are over 1800 views! It looks like we might hit 2000 by June.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Thursday, May 3, 2007
With This Blog Comes Great Responsibility
Welcome to the Peverett Phile, the internet's most updated blog. It's Thursday, and just like every Thursday, this is a new entry. It's May and do you know what that means? It's May Movie Month. This month three huge movies comes out. Spider-Man 3, Shrek 3, and Pirates 3. I'll be seeing and reviewing all three movies, and report news about each one. But first, the news. You know Donald Trump, right? He’s a real estate tycoon, he’s got his own television show, now he has his own brand of meat. Mail order meat. Donald Trump steaks. Donald discovered there was some money out there he didn’t already have his hands on. It’s just like his television show. The Donald Trump steak is just like his television show. When it’s over, you’re sleepy and have an irritated colon. There’s a big scandal going on in Washington D.C. A big prostitution ring scandal. Politicians were actually paying for sex. One girl got paid with a military base in her home state. The politicians were spending hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars for sex. And I thought, well that’s better than spending that kind of money on a haircut. President Bush was on "American Idol” last night. He made an appearance, and afterwards the phone lines were jammed with people trying to vote him off. Divorce hearing today for David Hasselhoff. And his ex-wife claimed that he "emotionally abused” her. It’s true — he wouldn’t stop singing. A judge is suing a dry cleaners for $67 million due to lost pants. He claims he endured "mental suffering” because he couldn’t wear his favorite pants on the first day of work. This is a judge. I’d like to point out . . . Judges wear robes. Some judges would love to go to work without pants — Clarence Thomas! They uncovered a major cheating scandal at the business school at Duke University. If the business students have cheated, I say give them the diploma. They have obviously figured out how to succeed in business. They are ready to be CEOs. Dozens of Japanese magicians are suing a Tokyo TV station after it revealed the secrets of coin tricks. They are suing for a whopping $16,000. I know it doesn’t sound like a big lawsuit, but it has to be taken in quarters from behind people’s ears. This just in: George Steinbrenner just put the Yankees back on steroids. Hillary Clinton says if she is elected president, she will use Bill Clinton as an ambassador because she can’t think of a better cheerleader for America. To which Bill Clinton said, "I can think of 20, and I have their phone numbers.” Even though Sanjaya has been voted off "American Idol,” some viewers are organizing fan clubs. They want to be known as "Fanjayas.” Or by their current name, deaf people. In an effort to help the environment, Sheryl Crow has proposed using only one square of toilet paper when going to the bathroom. In a related story, don’t ever shake hands with Sheryl Crow. The first Democratic debate was held tonight. It featured Hillary Clinton facing off with seven men. Or as Bill Clinton calls it, the worst porn movie plot ever. More bad news for Snoop Dogg. He has been banned from Australia. He tried to get in there to cohost the MTV Australian Music Video Awards, but the immigration minister said, "You cannot come in because of your criminal record.” This is really unfair. We let Crocodile Dundee run around here with a 4-foot long machete . . . He is still allowed in Jamaica though. So, Spider-Man 3 comes out tomorrow. I haven't heard any hype about it. Actually, I heard Spider-Man turns black in the new movie. He sits on his porch eating watermelon and friend chicken. I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: Where's Spiderman's home page? A: On the world wide web.
Q: which super hero is really good at spotting hot chicks? A: Spied her man
NUTTED BY REALITY
On its penultimate episode, "The Amazing Race 11" finally eliminated a team. Thus, it now has its final three teams, and those include just one man among five women. There’s a two in three chance that an all-female team will win the race for the first time in its history. But that’s next week; first, there’s last night’s ridiculousness:
“We know that karma was a particular bitch on the last leg of the race, and we got slapped hard for it,” Oswald said.
Once again adopting her strange broken English that she uses to speak to foreigners who probably think she’s a mentally challenged person who speaks English, Mirna asked a cab driver in Hong Kong, “How you say ‘airport.’” He said, “Airport.” English is an official language in Hong Kong, after all.
“You look very buff today, Eric, in your white shirt,” one of the blondes said, and apparently figured out how to disarm him entirely. He sort of shyly smiled but clearly loved the attention drawn by his shirt, which appeared to have been painted on his body.
“I doubt that Danny and Oswald are going to make it on the flight,” Eric said, and then a commercial break arrived. Of course, because of the magic of Amazing Race commercials, which solve all problems, Danny and Oswald got on the flight. But they did not receive cheers from their fellow competitors. “We weren’t sure whether we landed in Japan or Alaska, because we felt the cold breeze—freezing cold,” Oswald said.
Phil explained that one of the Detour options in Guam offered “a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to experience an official Air Force air drop training exercise.” Later, Charla explained that they chose the task because “I like to help people who are in need,” while Mirna said, “humanitarian effort, here we come.” Apparently they both missed—or the producers expected us to miss—the “training exercise” part.
“I feel like Top Gun,” Mirna said, as she ran into a cargo plane. Because, you know, Top Gun had lots of people riding in cargo planes. For no reason whatsoever, the cargo plane did a nose dive and left them weightless. “I was, like, flying,” Mirna said. Yes, that’s what people do in airplanes.
“There’s no charming the sergeant,” a blonde said. “The sergeant was all about business. We weren’t getting anywhere with a smile; we had to scrub.” Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
“I’m bringing you over to tell my maid how to clean, ‘cause obviously I don’t know what to tell her,” Oswald told the sergeant judging their task. Does he ever run out of witty things to say? Ever?
Using a GPS to find a lost a soldier, the blonde that did the task explained that it was “like you’re searching for your Easter basket.” Yeah, if you were so poor growing up that your parents didn’t make your personal butler gather the eggs for you, and instead forced you to use the GPS.
Mirna told Charla, “Follow instructions…Use the GPS. It tells you whichway to go.” Put one leg in front of the other. Breathe in and then out. Do not tape my mouth with duct tape and push me into a ditch and deny to Phil that you know what happened to me.
Charla got lost even with the GPS, and Charla’s military escort told her, “ma’am, I told you not to touch the screen at all.” That’s military code for “Christ, you idiot.”
“Do you have any idea how many toys you guys now have?” Phil asked the blondes, who came in first again. “We love our toys,” one said.
With three teams remaining to check in, the editors did their best to make it seem like a race to the finish, but instead the teams arrived in the same order they finished the task: Eric and Danielle, Charla and Mirna, and Oswald and Danny, who were eliminated.
“No regrets, darling,” Danny told Phil. He said that Oswald will “be pushing the wheelchair as I got into the home, the gay nursing home that I’m going to ‘open up.’” Oswald replied, “And hopefully by then, he won’t speak so much that he’ll be interrupted every time I say something.” I’m not quite sure I got either joke, but we’ll miss them and their non-stop humor.
HEROES
This episode is listed as "String Theory" on my DVR and some places online, but on NBC's site and the screen itself it says "Five Years Gone" so that's what I went with. "What if?" stories are fun. They allow the creators to play around with characters and show them in unexpected new lights. This isn't a purely "what if?" story, however. What happens here determines "our" Hiro's (younger Hiro's) ability to return to the present and change history in the coming episodes -- or fail to.
It's evident that, though Linderman's destruction of New York succeeded, his stated goals for this odd plan failed. Instead of the unified peaceful-world scenario Linderman laid out to entice Nathan to hitch himself to the wagon, this post-blast America is a fascist state, run by a chief executive with strongly-centralized powers enforced by a homeland security department reporting directly to himself. The "specials" go underground to survive, while the President directs his advisor Mohinder to implement a "final solution." In this episode, I found Mohinder much more compelling as a character than usual. Maybe because, here, he actually knows most of the other characters and knowswhat is going on. He's better able to interact. Though you have to wonder how Sylar could disguise his twisted personality for up to five years from someone who has certainly learned about Sylar the hard way. Hm. They can always say Sylar picked up a insanity-cloaker or maybe a super-charisma power along the way if that argument ever comes up. In Isaac's loft, Mohinder thinks he finds a way around the President's genocide plot: get Hiro to go back and fix the past. Easy. Chillingly, Fake-Nathan says "that doesn't work for me." Nathan is really Sylar we soon find out, who has absorbed Candice's shape-shifting. Genocide is what Sylar wants. But another question is whether Sylar hatched this plan alone or took over what Nathan and Linderman were already planning? Nuking New York may have been only stage one for the billionaire. Stage two could have been to unite the world through xenophobia, fear of the Other, all along, which would make Liderman and Nathan betrayers of their own kind. In his final confrontation with Sylar, Peter says Sylar will pay for "what he did" to Nathan. "What I did?" sneers Sylar. "When he died he had already turned against his own kind." Meaning, I think, that Nathan had already decided to wipe out, or at least control, anyone with abilities when Sylar killed him. Peter calls Sylar a liar, but that still remains to be seen. I think that back in the present timeline Nathan is still on this fence, though leaning hard toward the direction that puts him in power. There are similarities to a lot different superhero universes here. Not only The X-Men (in both print and film) and The Watchmen, but also Marvel's own post-9/11 "Civil Wars" storyline, with its Mutant Registration Act, which pits a chunk of Marvel's pantheon against another chunk. None of which bothers me. Comic book sagas borrow from each other all the time. It really comes down to interesting characters and It gets called "borrowing," "stealing," or "homage," depending on how you feel about the results. Anyway. One of the most fun things for me tonight was seeing many of the characters paired up in new unexpected ways. The Haitian and Matt Parkman as partners. Peter and Niki as a couple. Couple of what though, I don't know exactly. Jessica comes out on stage to ride the pole. But it is really Niki just using the other name for the stage. Jessica died with D.L. and Micah in New York. Which means that one mirror twin can survive without the other one, I guess. This supports the theory that Jessica and Niki both have their own bodies. Either that or will get them real soon, or Niki would have died in New York too?
The post-nuke years have turned Matt Parkman into one cold bastard. One of the most sympathetic of the series regulars, and one always struggling the fit in in the normal timeline, here he has found his confidence but lost much of his humanity. He even breaks a secret alliance with Bennet who had helped rescue Matt's wife and their son, Matthew Jr., who has inherited abilities of his own. Bennet runs an underground railroad, creating new identities for specials on the run. HRG no longer! Here as he has traded his horn-rims for a softer look sometime after separating from the Company. Eric Roberts' character, and all the "golden age" characters: Mama Petrelli, Linderman, Mr. Nakamura were left out of this episode. Possibly Sylar disposed of them all sometime after he met the most-handy Candice; it would have been easy enough for him to do. Or maybe some of these folks are still behind everything, pulling the strings, even in this possible future. Isaac really did get to be a hero; Mohinder finds his final issue of 9th Wonders. It's the only clue Hiro has to use in the past to change the timeline, after future Hiro's sudden demise. Younger Hiro is stunned by the death of his future self, and it's Ando who snaps him out of it, and gets Hiro to jump back to the present. Ando's more vital than ever now -- thanks to Peter's revelation. Future Hiro was reluctant to reveal Ando's own death in the explosion to him, but Peter's beyond sparing anyone's feelings at that point. Good thing too, because now Ando knows he has an important role to play in Hiro's life. Throughout the series it's been made clear that Peter is the guy who goes nuclear and destroys New York. Tonight the future world's been led to believe that it was Sylar who exploded -- and that he also died in the explosion. The truth is that it IS going Peter as we always thought and he survived in tonight's timeline (via Claire's ability I presume). But seeing Peter tonight with his teleporting, time-stopping, and various fighting powers ... well the way he keeps picking abilities up makes just about every other hero redundant, which would change the show a lot. It will be tough to keep coming up with stories if Peter can just do every damn thing. For that reason, I think it Peter is likely die in the season finale, or will find himself with reduced powers or no powers at all.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1945
British torpedo bombers attack the Cap Arcona and the Thielbek in the Baltic Sea. Both vessels are flying white flags, as there are almost 7,000 concentration camp prisoners aboard. In the process of abandoning ship, the German captain of the Arcona uses a machete to hack his way through the mass of people. When the ships sink, virtually all of the prisoners drown, making this the single largest loss of life in the history of ocean travel.
1963
Eugene "Bull" Connor directs security forces in Birmingham, Alabama to unleash police dogs on civil rights protesters, and then blast them with high-pressure fire hoses. Unfortunately for segregationists, television networks bring the footage to a shocked national audience. In the wake of the overwhelming public response, President Kennedy quips that Connor "has done more for civil rights than almost anybody else."
1987
The Miami Herald runs a story that Senator Gary Hart had spent the preceding weekend alone with a woman other than his wife. In an attempt to quell persistent rumors of an extramarital affair, Hart had previously challenged reporters to spy on him, saying: "Follow me around. I don't care. I'm serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead. They'd be very bored." The Presidential candidate withdraws from the race just five days later, and the homewrecker, one Donna Rice, goes on to launch a career crusading against pornography.
1988
The White House confirms stories that President Ronald Reagan's travel and public appearances are scheduled around astrological data furnished by a mystic in San Francisco. The astrologer also supplies input to the timing of critical international events, such as a recent arms control summit in Iceland.
GEEK TALK
The excitement for the next cinematic installment of the X-Files continues to build! There has been some developments lately regarding another movie based on the very successful 1990s TV show. Former TV show Exec. Producer Frank Spotnitz let slip that he was actively developing a new X-Files movie. This was also corroborated by series and movie star David Duchovny during a recent radio interview. So, at that, all signs looked good for the new film to move forward. And now, we've got yet another person weighing in on the subject of the X-Files. Not just any person, by the way, but a person who should be as in-the-know as David Duchovny -- series and movie co-star Gillian Anderson. Over at her personal blog, Anderson details many different X-Files-related items including her feelings about the TV show and her co-star Duchovny, why she sometimes both hated and loved the X-Files and how much she's looking forward to doing the movie and working with Duchovny again. Even though, as she says at the site regarding her co-star: "Do I imagine that when we do the film together we won't hate each other for a few hours during the filming? No. We will. Vehemently." It's inevitable, as Anderson recalls, that when you spend so much time with people under such long, arduous conditions, you'll start to dislike them -- often intensely at times. It's just the nature of the business. That said, I'm glad she came out with it and hopefully put things to rest once and for all. Of course, the most important bit of knowledge gained from her post is that there is indeed a new X-Files movie and she will be working on it. As Anderson says in her post: "And that's that."
MOVIE BUZZ
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
In the new trailer, the surfer hangs 10 cruising through the clouds while Jessica Alba chases after him in a flying convertible. Looks sweet, but they missed out not setting the action to a Beach Boys song.
Untitled Brad Bird Live Action Film
Remember that April Fools' Day joke that had the Incredibles director making a live-action film for Pixar? Stop laughing. They're really going to do it.
Sin City 2
On his blog, director Joe Carnahan says Robert Rodriguez showed him the sequel's opening teaser and that every "hetero male moviegoer alive" will love it. Everyone else will have to wait for Sin City 3, with Lance Bass and Neil Patrick Harris.
My Blueberry Nights
First Natalie Portman shaves her head in V for Vendetta, then she goes blonde for this film. Man, she's got more hair issues than Britney Spears.
X-Men 4
In addition to the Wolverine and Magneto prequels, writer Zak Penn says he's writing a movie about the "young X-Men." Ugh. I'm getting visions of little X-babies voiced by Bruce Willis and Roseanne Barr.
Untitled Noah's Ark Film
To follow up last year's bizarre sci-fi feature The Fountain, Darren Aronofsky plans to tackle the ol' Bible favorite. He refused to confirm that the movie will have Noah falling in love with the mast.
Choke
Finally, writer Chuck "The Fight Club" Palahniuk's dark novel about a sex addict who's the direct descendant of Jesus is getting to the screen. It's a short book; maybe they could add some abortion and gay-marriage subplots to really reel in the Christian right.
The Objective
Daniel Myrick, director of The Blair Witch Project, is making a new film about soldiers in Afghanistan who get sucked into a Bermuda Triangle-like vortex. Ah, so that's what happened to Osama bin Laden!
Well, that's it for another entry of the Phile. Tomorrow I am going to see Spider-Man 3. I am planning a special entry on the film and Spider-Man, so look out for that this week. After all, it's May Movie Month. Next month is Star Wars Weekends Month, so all the entries will be done on Sunday, instead of Thursday. More on that later. Have a good weekend, and spread the word, not the turd.
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: Where's Spiderman's home page? A: On the world wide web.
Q: which super hero is really good at spotting hot chicks? A: Spied her man
NUTTED BY REALITY
On its penultimate episode, "The Amazing Race 11" finally eliminated a team. Thus, it now has its final three teams, and those include just one man among five women. There’s a two in three chance that an all-female team will win the race for the first time in its history. But that’s next week; first, there’s last night’s ridiculousness:
“We know that karma was a particular bitch on the last leg of the race, and we got slapped hard for it,” Oswald said.
Once again adopting her strange broken English that she uses to speak to foreigners who probably think she’s a mentally challenged person who speaks English, Mirna asked a cab driver in Hong Kong, “How you say ‘airport.’” He said, “Airport.” English is an official language in Hong Kong, after all.
“You look very buff today, Eric, in your white shirt,” one of the blondes said, and apparently figured out how to disarm him entirely. He sort of shyly smiled but clearly loved the attention drawn by his shirt, which appeared to have been painted on his body.
“I doubt that Danny and Oswald are going to make it on the flight,” Eric said, and then a commercial break arrived. Of course, because of the magic of Amazing Race commercials, which solve all problems, Danny and Oswald got on the flight. But they did not receive cheers from their fellow competitors. “We weren’t sure whether we landed in Japan or Alaska, because we felt the cold breeze—freezing cold,” Oswald said.
Phil explained that one of the Detour options in Guam offered “a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to experience an official Air Force air drop training exercise.” Later, Charla explained that they chose the task because “I like to help people who are in need,” while Mirna said, “humanitarian effort, here we come.” Apparently they both missed—or the producers expected us to miss—the “training exercise” part.
“I feel like Top Gun,” Mirna said, as she ran into a cargo plane. Because, you know, Top Gun had lots of people riding in cargo planes. For no reason whatsoever, the cargo plane did a nose dive and left them weightless. “I was, like, flying,” Mirna said. Yes, that’s what people do in airplanes.
“There’s no charming the sergeant,” a blonde said. “The sergeant was all about business. We weren’t getting anywhere with a smile; we had to scrub.” Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
“I’m bringing you over to tell my maid how to clean, ‘cause obviously I don’t know what to tell her,” Oswald told the sergeant judging their task. Does he ever run out of witty things to say? Ever?
Using a GPS to find a lost a soldier, the blonde that did the task explained that it was “like you’re searching for your Easter basket.” Yeah, if you were so poor growing up that your parents didn’t make your personal butler gather the eggs for you, and instead forced you to use the GPS.
Mirna told Charla, “Follow instructions…Use the GPS. It tells you whichway to go.” Put one leg in front of the other. Breathe in and then out. Do not tape my mouth with duct tape and push me into a ditch and deny to Phil that you know what happened to me.
Charla got lost even with the GPS, and Charla’s military escort told her, “ma’am, I told you not to touch the screen at all.” That’s military code for “Christ, you idiot.”
“Do you have any idea how many toys you guys now have?” Phil asked the blondes, who came in first again. “We love our toys,” one said.
With three teams remaining to check in, the editors did their best to make it seem like a race to the finish, but instead the teams arrived in the same order they finished the task: Eric and Danielle, Charla and Mirna, and Oswald and Danny, who were eliminated.
“No regrets, darling,” Danny told Phil. He said that Oswald will “be pushing the wheelchair as I got into the home, the gay nursing home that I’m going to ‘open up.’” Oswald replied, “And hopefully by then, he won’t speak so much that he’ll be interrupted every time I say something.” I’m not quite sure I got either joke, but we’ll miss them and their non-stop humor.
HEROES
This episode is listed as "String Theory" on my DVR and some places online, but on NBC's site and the screen itself it says "Five Years Gone" so that's what I went with. "What if?" stories are fun. They allow the creators to play around with characters and show them in unexpected new lights. This isn't a purely "what if?" story, however. What happens here determines "our" Hiro's (younger Hiro's) ability to return to the present and change history in the coming episodes -- or fail to.
It's evident that, though Linderman's destruction of New York succeeded, his stated goals for this odd plan failed. Instead of the unified peaceful-world scenario Linderman laid out to entice Nathan to hitch himself to the wagon, this post-blast America is a fascist state, run by a chief executive with strongly-centralized powers enforced by a homeland security department reporting directly to himself. The "specials" go underground to survive, while the President directs his advisor Mohinder to implement a "final solution." In this episode, I found Mohinder much more compelling as a character than usual. Maybe because, here, he actually knows most of the other characters and knowswhat is going on. He's better able to interact. Though you have to wonder how Sylar could disguise his twisted personality for up to five years from someone who has certainly learned about Sylar the hard way. Hm. They can always say Sylar picked up a insanity-cloaker or maybe a super-charisma power along the way if that argument ever comes up. In Isaac's loft, Mohinder thinks he finds a way around the President's genocide plot: get Hiro to go back and fix the past. Easy. Chillingly, Fake-Nathan says "that doesn't work for me." Nathan is really Sylar we soon find out, who has absorbed Candice's shape-shifting. Genocide is what Sylar wants. But another question is whether Sylar hatched this plan alone or took over what Nathan and Linderman were already planning? Nuking New York may have been only stage one for the billionaire. Stage two could have been to unite the world through xenophobia, fear of the Other, all along, which would make Liderman and Nathan betrayers of their own kind. In his final confrontation with Sylar, Peter says Sylar will pay for "what he did" to Nathan. "What I did?" sneers Sylar. "When he died he had already turned against his own kind." Meaning, I think, that Nathan had already decided to wipe out, or at least control, anyone with abilities when Sylar killed him. Peter calls Sylar a liar, but that still remains to be seen. I think that back in the present timeline Nathan is still on this fence, though leaning hard toward the direction that puts him in power. There are similarities to a lot different superhero universes here. Not only The X-Men (in both print and film) and The Watchmen, but also Marvel's own post-9/11 "Civil Wars" storyline, with its Mutant Registration Act, which pits a chunk of Marvel's pantheon against another chunk. None of which bothers me. Comic book sagas borrow from each other all the time. It really comes down to interesting characters and It gets called "borrowing," "stealing," or "homage," depending on how you feel about the results. Anyway. One of the most fun things for me tonight was seeing many of the characters paired up in new unexpected ways. The Haitian and Matt Parkman as partners. Peter and Niki as a couple. Couple of what though, I don't know exactly. Jessica comes out on stage to ride the pole. But it is really Niki just using the other name for the stage. Jessica died with D.L. and Micah in New York. Which means that one mirror twin can survive without the other one, I guess. This supports the theory that Jessica and Niki both have their own bodies. Either that or will get them real soon, or Niki would have died in New York too?
The post-nuke years have turned Matt Parkman into one cold bastard. One of the most sympathetic of the series regulars, and one always struggling the fit in in the normal timeline, here he has found his confidence but lost much of his humanity. He even breaks a secret alliance with Bennet who had helped rescue Matt's wife and their son, Matthew Jr., who has inherited abilities of his own. Bennet runs an underground railroad, creating new identities for specials on the run. HRG no longer! Here as he has traded his horn-rims for a softer look sometime after separating from the Company. Eric Roberts' character, and all the "golden age" characters: Mama Petrelli, Linderman, Mr. Nakamura were left out of this episode. Possibly Sylar disposed of them all sometime after he met the most-handy Candice; it would have been easy enough for him to do. Or maybe some of these folks are still behind everything, pulling the strings, even in this possible future. Isaac really did get to be a hero; Mohinder finds his final issue of 9th Wonders. It's the only clue Hiro has to use in the past to change the timeline, after future Hiro's sudden demise. Younger Hiro is stunned by the death of his future self, and it's Ando who snaps him out of it, and gets Hiro to jump back to the present. Ando's more vital than ever now -- thanks to Peter's revelation. Future Hiro was reluctant to reveal Ando's own death in the explosion to him, but Peter's beyond sparing anyone's feelings at that point. Good thing too, because now Ando knows he has an important role to play in Hiro's life. Throughout the series it's been made clear that Peter is the guy who goes nuclear and destroys New York. Tonight the future world's been led to believe that it was Sylar who exploded -- and that he also died in the explosion. The truth is that it IS going Peter as we always thought and he survived in tonight's timeline (via Claire's ability I presume). But seeing Peter tonight with his teleporting, time-stopping, and various fighting powers ... well the way he keeps picking abilities up makes just about every other hero redundant, which would change the show a lot. It will be tough to keep coming up with stories if Peter can just do every damn thing. For that reason, I think it Peter is likely die in the season finale, or will find himself with reduced powers or no powers at all.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1945
British torpedo bombers attack the Cap Arcona and the Thielbek in the Baltic Sea. Both vessels are flying white flags, as there are almost 7,000 concentration camp prisoners aboard. In the process of abandoning ship, the German captain of the Arcona uses a machete to hack his way through the mass of people. When the ships sink, virtually all of the prisoners drown, making this the single largest loss of life in the history of ocean travel.
1963
Eugene "Bull" Connor directs security forces in Birmingham, Alabama to unleash police dogs on civil rights protesters, and then blast them with high-pressure fire hoses. Unfortunately for segregationists, television networks bring the footage to a shocked national audience. In the wake of the overwhelming public response, President Kennedy quips that Connor "has done more for civil rights than almost anybody else."
1987
The Miami Herald runs a story that Senator Gary Hart had spent the preceding weekend alone with a woman other than his wife. In an attempt to quell persistent rumors of an extramarital affair, Hart had previously challenged reporters to spy on him, saying: "Follow me around. I don't care. I'm serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead. They'd be very bored." The Presidential candidate withdraws from the race just five days later, and the homewrecker, one Donna Rice, goes on to launch a career crusading against pornography.
1988
The White House confirms stories that President Ronald Reagan's travel and public appearances are scheduled around astrological data furnished by a mystic in San Francisco. The astrologer also supplies input to the timing of critical international events, such as a recent arms control summit in Iceland.
GEEK TALK
The excitement for the next cinematic installment of the X-Files continues to build! There has been some developments lately regarding another movie based on the very successful 1990s TV show. Former TV show Exec. Producer Frank Spotnitz let slip that he was actively developing a new X-Files movie. This was also corroborated by series and movie star David Duchovny during a recent radio interview. So, at that, all signs looked good for the new film to move forward. And now, we've got yet another person weighing in on the subject of the X-Files. Not just any person, by the way, but a person who should be as in-the-know as David Duchovny -- series and movie co-star Gillian Anderson. Over at her personal blog, Anderson details many different X-Files-related items including her feelings about the TV show and her co-star Duchovny, why she sometimes both hated and loved the X-Files and how much she's looking forward to doing the movie and working with Duchovny again. Even though, as she says at the site regarding her co-star: "Do I imagine that when we do the film together we won't hate each other for a few hours during the filming? No. We will. Vehemently." It's inevitable, as Anderson recalls, that when you spend so much time with people under such long, arduous conditions, you'll start to dislike them -- often intensely at times. It's just the nature of the business. That said, I'm glad she came out with it and hopefully put things to rest once and for all. Of course, the most important bit of knowledge gained from her post is that there is indeed a new X-Files movie and she will be working on it. As Anderson says in her post: "And that's that."
MOVIE BUZZ
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
In the new trailer, the surfer hangs 10 cruising through the clouds while Jessica Alba chases after him in a flying convertible. Looks sweet, but they missed out not setting the action to a Beach Boys song.
Untitled Brad Bird Live Action Film
Remember that April Fools' Day joke that had the Incredibles director making a live-action film for Pixar? Stop laughing. They're really going to do it.
Sin City 2
On his blog, director Joe Carnahan says Robert Rodriguez showed him the sequel's opening teaser and that every "hetero male moviegoer alive" will love it. Everyone else will have to wait for Sin City 3, with Lance Bass and Neil Patrick Harris.
My Blueberry Nights
First Natalie Portman shaves her head in V for Vendetta, then she goes blonde for this film. Man, she's got more hair issues than Britney Spears.
X-Men 4
In addition to the Wolverine and Magneto prequels, writer Zak Penn says he's writing a movie about the "young X-Men." Ugh. I'm getting visions of little X-babies voiced by Bruce Willis and Roseanne Barr.
Untitled Noah's Ark Film
To follow up last year's bizarre sci-fi feature The Fountain, Darren Aronofsky plans to tackle the ol' Bible favorite. He refused to confirm that the movie will have Noah falling in love with the mast.
Choke
Finally, writer Chuck "The Fight Club" Palahniuk's dark novel about a sex addict who's the direct descendant of Jesus is getting to the screen. It's a short book; maybe they could add some abortion and gay-marriage subplots to really reel in the Christian right.
The Objective
Daniel Myrick, director of The Blair Witch Project, is making a new film about soldiers in Afghanistan who get sucked into a Bermuda Triangle-like vortex. Ah, so that's what happened to Osama bin Laden!
Well, that's it for another entry of the Phile. Tomorrow I am going to see Spider-Man 3. I am planning a special entry on the film and Spider-Man, so look out for that this week. After all, it's May Movie Month. Next month is Star Wars Weekends Month, so all the entries will be done on Sunday, instead of Thursday. More on that later. Have a good weekend, and spread the word, not the turd.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Luv Musheen
Hello, and welcome to the latest entry of the Peverett Phile. Big news: Rosie O’Donnell is leaving "The View.” After making that announcement, she shaved her head and checked into rehab. Do you believe the turnover at that show? It makes the Iraqi government look stable. McDonald’s has just introduced a Happy Meal with toys inspired by "American Idol.” The toys include a microphone, sunglasses, and a Paula Abdul shot glass. New York City Mike Bloomberg says he wants to copy an anti-poverty program that’s currently used in Mexico. Apparently Mexico has a great anti-poverty program — it’s called a bus ticket to Los Angeles. Jessica Simpson’s father has offered to manage Britney Spears’ career. When asked why he wants to manage Britney, he said, "She‘s like the third untalented daughter I never had.”
Former N.J. Gov. Jim McGreevey’s ex-wife says in her new book that McGreevey is not really homosexual. She’s says he’s not really homosexual. McGreevey was furious and said, "How many guys do you have to screw to get your wife to call you gay?” Astronomers made an amazing discovery. A new planet that may be able to support life. You know name scientists have given this planet? 581C. Can’t they do better than that? That doesn’t sound like a planet — that sounds like an apartment. Hillary Clinton says that if she’s elected, she will name her husband "roving ambassador to the world." Former President Bill Clinton will be the roving ambassador to the world. Let me think about this . . . Bill Clinton traveling around the world without his wife . . . No, I can’t see anything going wrong there. President Bush met with the president of Peru. When the Peruvian president invited president Bush to visit Machu Pichu Bush said, "Great! I love Pokemon.” Bill Clinton announced he would be traveling to Russia to attend the funeral of former president of Russia, Boris Yeltsin. At least that’s what he’s telling Hillary. While Simon Cowell was in Los Angeles working on "American Idol,” his home in London was robbed. Police say it was the work of professional thieves, but Cowell described them as "amateurish and uninspired." Archaeologists in Miami have unearthed part of a human skeleton that is almost 3,000 years old. Apparently they found the 3,000-year-old skeleton when they X-rayed Larry King.
NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS
CHECK, PLEASE: Doctors desperately tried to re-attach a man's penis after he burst into a crowded London restaurant on Sunday, dropped his trousers, and hacked his own organ off in front of horrified diners. The man, thought to be Polish, ran into the Zizzi Italian restaurant on The Strand at about 9pm on Sunday night, when it was crowded with people who had been watching the London Marathon earlier in the day. Sales rep Stuart McMahon, who was eating at the restaurant with his girlfriend, told the Sun: "This guy came running in then charged into the kitchen, got a massive knife and started waving it about. Everyone was screaming and running out as he jumped on a table, dropped his trousers and popped his penis out. Then he cut it off. I couldn't believe it." Restaurant staff called the police, who had to subdue the man with CS gas, before taking him to hospital. They also picked up the severed penis, put it on ice, and gave it to doctors. A spokesman for St Thomas's Hospital, where the man was taken, confirmed that doctors had attempted to re-attach the organ – but would not say if the procedure had been successful. It is thought to be the first time in Britain that a penis has been sewn back on, Police are still trying to identify the man, who was not carrying any form of identification on him. A source told The Sun: "We believe he's Polish and 35. We don't know if he has a history of mental illness, but he's clearly not a well boy."
TODAY IN HISTORY
1865:
Discovered hiding in a farmer's tobacco shed, John Wilkes Booth is shot in the neck by a complete lunatic. Dying and paralyzed from the neck down, he whispers: "Tell my mother I did it for my country." As his hands are held up to his face, Booth mutters "useless... useless..." They are his last words.
1933:
Hermann Goering founds the Geheime Staatspolizei, otherwise known as the Gestapo. The original purpose of this "Secret State Police" is to disrupt and harass opponents of National Socialism, but it will later come to adopt many additional responsibilities.
1969:
Paul McCartney denies rumors of his recent death. Eventually, most people come to believe him.
1986:
44 seconds into a late-night experiment at the Chernobyl nuclear power station, reactor number four sustains two large explosions. A plume of dangerous radioactivity looms three kilometers high, making it the worst catastrophe in the history of nuclear power. The Soviet news agency TASS holds off reporting the incident for almost 48 hours.
1991:
In a telephone interview, Michigan judge Francis Bourisseau explains that he would never grant an abortion to a minor, except perhaps for white girls raped by blacks. For some reason, this statement manages to attract wide attention.
HEROES
It's Linderman's voice we hear over the "previously on Heroes" opening segment, rather than that of previous narrator Mohinder. That's an improvement. To tell you the truth I didn't know what to expect tonight. "Heroes" seems like it has been gone so long, I started worrying that its return would inevitably fail to live up to my anticipation. I needn't have worried. I quickly found myself falling right back into the groove of the show. My favorite storyline was the Texas one. I enjoyed HRG's orchestration of the escape, using his knowledge of Matt and Ted's powers. As the Eric Roberts character will later say of HRG to the Artist Mohinder: "Glasses? Tall fella? He's no longer with the company." No doubt. Though how funny is it when Matt suddenly realizes HRG is not some major player, but only "middle-management" without absolute knowledge of what the Company's overall agenda is, or even that Linderman is involved? Linderman turns out to be some sort of idealist, in his own mind at least. Got to say though, that plan of bringing about world unity via nuclear disaster is a pretty tough sale. Recent history alone is filled with plenty of unprecedented catastrophes -- none of which have brought the human race to any condition approaching unity. Sorry, even for a super-villain this plan's dicey. Naturally, this may not be Linderman's real motivation, but only his approach at hooking Nathan. And Nathan seems to take the bait. Early on, it does look as if Nathan's repulsed by the whole scheme. The clincher seems to be Nathan's discovery that Peter might (though it is still a mighty big might) be able to survive self-explosion. By this time Nathan has had a chance to salivate awhile over the idea of himself in the Oval Office. Nathan hears Peter's theory that Claire's presence in New York is the "save the world" part of a certain famous catch-phrase. He decides to send her to Paris until after the election anyway. Seems clear that Nathan is signing on to the Linderman plan. It's a good thing Mohinder packed Peter's corpse into the cab and personally brought it to the Petrelli mansion, rather than, say, call 911. It's probably no surprise to viewers that Peter didn't stay dead. The real suspense here came in wondering how he would return to life and how long it would take. Because of the early reveal of Linderman's own ability, I thought Peter might actually stay dead awhile and get resurrected by the big man himself. Or maybe that Mama Petrelli's (still unrevealed) power might also be as a healer of some sort. But Claire's removal of a glass shard hidden in Peter's trademarked dark wavy locks made a nice sortof symmetry with his first meeting of cheerleader. Future Hiro, when he contacted Peter, stopping time in a subway car early in the series, mentioned not recognizing Peter "without his scar." Peter didn't get that scar from Sylar we now know. With his Claire-ability I imagine giving him a physical scar won't be easy in any case. Maybe this indicates that the past (from Future Hiro's point-of-view) has been changed, or maybe additional scarification possibilities lie ahead in Peter's future. Candice tries to pass herself off as Claire to HRG, but he isn't fooled. Impersonating family-members to get information is not the kind of trick you can pull over and over again on the same person, after all. Actually, I think Candice and the Company are attempting to mess with Mr. Bennet's head here, and not really fool him. Candice soon moves on to kidnapping Micah for Linderman. He politely asks Jessica for Micah first, which you'd think would spur Jessica into running away immediately with the kid, but it doesn't. Anyhow, with the way Jessica/Niki and D.L. handle their lives, maybe Micah is better off as the pawn of an evil billionaire for awhile. D.L. makes an interesting statement at one point. He says Jessica's personality is a lot more like Niki/Jessica's father than that of the dead twin, so crazy in this family goes back at least one generation. Isaac the artist gets a real send-off. I actually started to like him for the first time right as he's dying, which is the way it seems to go on these contemporary serial dramas. Sylar appears mesmerized by his newest ability, painting the future. But if Isaac is right this is just about the end of the road for the serial-killer. Syar's own painting-style is, appropriately for the character, much more twisted than Isaac's. His own rendering of a previously-painted scene is distorted and savage. We only get back to the future with Hiro and Ando in the final minutes, just enough time for Hiro to confuse Ando with his theory about how Isaac might still be alive. I suspect most fans were happy to see Future Hiro turn up. However, Future Hiro himself seems none too pleased with his past self. "You," he says, with unreserved contempt. Didn't expect that. I'm looking forward to see how it plays out ...
DOCTOR WHO
The Sci Fi channel has announced it will begin airing "Doctor Who" series three in July. The third season of the program is already airing on the BBC, but American Whovians are used to waiting a little while to get their fix. The new season will kick off with the Christmas special episode "The Runaway Bride," so I guess this will be a sort of Christmas in July. David Tennant will reprise his role as the Doctor, although it's anybody's guess whether he'll be back for a fourth season. With the departure of Billie Piper, the Doctor will pick up a new traveling companion, Martha Jones, played by Freema Agyeman. Sci Fi says the second season of "Doctor Who" drew more than 1 million viewers each week, which are pretty good numbers for the niche cable network.
MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU
According to CNN, Mark Hamill has agreed to resurrect Luke Skywalker for -- wait for it -- a thirty-minute "Robot Chicken" special on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Not only that, but George Lucas (who, of course, had to give the greenlight) will play himself in the special. Imagine that one! Lucas has lightened up. I love it! Apart from acting, Lucasfilm helped collaborate with Chicken creators Seth Green and Matthew Senreich, going so far as to provide them with sound files on Chewbacca and R2-D2. The special, "Robot Chicken: Star Wars", will premiere on Adult Swim this June 17 at 10PM EST. I've never been a huge fan of Seth Green, but the man earned a ton of respect from me when his "Robot Chicken" hit the boob tube last year (or was it the year before, I forget?). The show, which utilizes a stop-motion animation technique, is so ridiculously funny that I often find myself laughing so loud, my neighbors are forced to bang on the wall. This entire special came about after Robot Chicken featured a skit called Emperor's Phone Call, in which Darth Vader calls the Emperor to let him know the Death Star has been blown up. When reps from Lucasfilm wanted the sketch for StarWars.com, a meeting was held between Green, Senreich and Lucasfilm, they pitched their ideas and, now, Luke Skywalker is coming back! Now, don't get too excited -- it's not like Hamill will bring back Luke for the upcoming animated Star Wars TV show, but knowing those Chicken boys, I'm sure this one-time appearance will be worth awatch.
NUTTED BY REALITY
On this, the third-to-last episode of "The Amazing Race", the four remaining teams had various meltdowns: Danny and Oswald couldn’t find the waterfront or the pit stop; Charla and Mirna couldn’t cut noodles the right size or drive a tiny car; and Eric and Danielle were consumed with rage about being Yielded. Despite all of this drama, none of the teams suffered as a result, and what fun is pain without penalty?
“Thanks, Travelocity,” Danny said at the start of the episode, as he and Oswald surfed the Internet to look at the prize they won last week. The screen shot we saw, however, was obviously fake and not really their web surfing. They were probably checking their e.mail.
Ironically, a few minutes later, Oswald asked, “are we allowed to prostitute ourselves on the race?” as if they hadn’t just done that for Travelocity. By the way, every time I mention Travelocity I get five cents.
Mirna told us, “People think that because Charla’s short, they think I’m supposed to treat her in a special way.” Actually, no one thinks that, but we do think people should treat you however one treats a harpy.
“We’ll Yield whoever you want,” Oswald told Dustin and Kandice, asking for only cash in return, thus giving us the first instance of Yield-whoring ever.
Dustin and Kandice paid to Yield Eric and Danielle. “Now we officially are the Yield queens. We just bought a Yield,” Dustin or Kandice said. We’re almost at the end of their second season and I still have no idea which one is which.
At the Macau Tower, Phil introduced the Roadblock, “the highest jump in the history of The Amazing Race.” Walking around the top of the Macau Tower before jumping, Charla said, “The wind is blowing me, it’s pushing me away.” How funny would it have been if she was blown off the tower? She was safely strapped in, so she would have been fine, but I totally wanted to see her go flying. Yes, I’m ashamed.
“We’re not really worried about getting Yielded again; we already got Yielded once,” Eric said. As soon as he realized he had been Yielded, he said, “You guys are pieces of shit” and other charming things such as, “I’m gonna kick down Danny and Oswald’s face when I see ‘em.”
Oswald, frustrated with a lost cab driver, said, “God grant me the patience to withstand the things I cannot change. And the intelligence to hide the body of this man once I’m done killing him.”
From the Things Eric Has Probably Said Before files, Eric told Danielle, “You’re not doing anything by holding that. Pull the stuff.”
“Your car go; our car behind you,” Charla told a cab driver, again slipping into her weird imitation of a foreign language.
“We need to reverse the car back. I don’t want to die,” Charla said. Suggestion: Tell your cousin to stop pulling the car backwards with her hands and, You know, actually drive it.
Waiting out their 30-minuted penalty (they were marked for elimination), Eric said, “Don’t even get excited, because in four minutes, they’re going to show up.” But Danny and Oswald didn’t and thus the Yielded were able to check in. “The rest of my hair’s going to fall out; I need to get double Propecia or something,” Eric said, being impressively self-deprecating for a change.
After getting lost, Danny and Oswald checked in last but were saved by the last non-elimination leg, another undramatic conclusion.
MOVIE BUZZ
THE SIMPSONS MOVIE
Matt Groening says that Bart will have a scene of full-frontal nudity.
CROSSING THE LINE
How does Peter Jackson follow up the nine-hour Lord of the Rings trilogy and the three-hour King Kong remake? With a 12-minute WWI film.
FILTH AND WILSON
Madonna is planning her directing debut. Her husband's obviously given up on making a good movie ever again, so why shouldn't she give it a shot?
AVATAR vs. MONSTERS vs. ALIENS
These two sci-fi flicks are slated to be released in 3-D on Memorial Day 2009. I hope the ads they show before each film are in 3-D, too, because that would be totally awesome.
FLETCH WON
Zach Braff says he's "too busy" to star in the prequel. So that means Fletch won't be a whiney suburban dude with romance "issues"? Darn, then I definitely don't want to go see that then.
THE INCREDIBLE HULK
Avi Arad admitted he was only joking when he implied the Hulk was going to be gray. Others say he got his color back once Edward Norton was told his onscreen girlfriend would probably be Jessica Biel. Hubba hubba.
There you have it, kids. The latest entry of the Phile. If you're taking score, we are at over 1700 views right now. 2000 is not far away, and I think we can reach it by June. Just send a bulletin to everyone on your Myspace friends list or address book and invite them to go check the Phile out. Remember, spread the word, not the turd.
Former N.J. Gov. Jim McGreevey’s ex-wife says in her new book that McGreevey is not really homosexual. She’s says he’s not really homosexual. McGreevey was furious and said, "How many guys do you have to screw to get your wife to call you gay?” Astronomers made an amazing discovery. A new planet that may be able to support life. You know name scientists have given this planet? 581C. Can’t they do better than that? That doesn’t sound like a planet — that sounds like an apartment. Hillary Clinton says that if she’s elected, she will name her husband "roving ambassador to the world." Former President Bill Clinton will be the roving ambassador to the world. Let me think about this . . . Bill Clinton traveling around the world without his wife . . . No, I can’t see anything going wrong there. President Bush met with the president of Peru. When the Peruvian president invited president Bush to visit Machu Pichu Bush said, "Great! I love Pokemon.” Bill Clinton announced he would be traveling to Russia to attend the funeral of former president of Russia, Boris Yeltsin. At least that’s what he’s telling Hillary. While Simon Cowell was in Los Angeles working on "American Idol,” his home in London was robbed. Police say it was the work of professional thieves, but Cowell described them as "amateurish and uninspired." Archaeologists in Miami have unearthed part of a human skeleton that is almost 3,000 years old. Apparently they found the 3,000-year-old skeleton when they X-rayed Larry King.
NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS
CHECK, PLEASE: Doctors desperately tried to re-attach a man's penis after he burst into a crowded London restaurant on Sunday, dropped his trousers, and hacked his own organ off in front of horrified diners. The man, thought to be Polish, ran into the Zizzi Italian restaurant on The Strand at about 9pm on Sunday night, when it was crowded with people who had been watching the London Marathon earlier in the day. Sales rep Stuart McMahon, who was eating at the restaurant with his girlfriend, told the Sun: "This guy came running in then charged into the kitchen, got a massive knife and started waving it about. Everyone was screaming and running out as he jumped on a table, dropped his trousers and popped his penis out. Then he cut it off. I couldn't believe it." Restaurant staff called the police, who had to subdue the man with CS gas, before taking him to hospital. They also picked up the severed penis, put it on ice, and gave it to doctors. A spokesman for St Thomas's Hospital, where the man was taken, confirmed that doctors had attempted to re-attach the organ – but would not say if the procedure had been successful. It is thought to be the first time in Britain that a penis has been sewn back on, Police are still trying to identify the man, who was not carrying any form of identification on him. A source told The Sun: "We believe he's Polish and 35. We don't know if he has a history of mental illness, but he's clearly not a well boy."
TODAY IN HISTORY
1865:
Discovered hiding in a farmer's tobacco shed, John Wilkes Booth is shot in the neck by a complete lunatic. Dying and paralyzed from the neck down, he whispers: "Tell my mother I did it for my country." As his hands are held up to his face, Booth mutters "useless... useless..." They are his last words.
1933:
Hermann Goering founds the Geheime Staatspolizei, otherwise known as the Gestapo. The original purpose of this "Secret State Police" is to disrupt and harass opponents of National Socialism, but it will later come to adopt many additional responsibilities.
1969:
Paul McCartney denies rumors of his recent death. Eventually, most people come to believe him.
1986:
44 seconds into a late-night experiment at the Chernobyl nuclear power station, reactor number four sustains two large explosions. A plume of dangerous radioactivity looms three kilometers high, making it the worst catastrophe in the history of nuclear power. The Soviet news agency TASS holds off reporting the incident for almost 48 hours.
1991:
In a telephone interview, Michigan judge Francis Bourisseau explains that he would never grant an abortion to a minor, except perhaps for white girls raped by blacks. For some reason, this statement manages to attract wide attention.
HEROES
It's Linderman's voice we hear over the "previously on Heroes" opening segment, rather than that of previous narrator Mohinder. That's an improvement. To tell you the truth I didn't know what to expect tonight. "Heroes" seems like it has been gone so long, I started worrying that its return would inevitably fail to live up to my anticipation. I needn't have worried. I quickly found myself falling right back into the groove of the show. My favorite storyline was the Texas one. I enjoyed HRG's orchestration of the escape, using his knowledge of Matt and Ted's powers. As the Eric Roberts character will later say of HRG to the Artist Mohinder: "Glasses? Tall fella? He's no longer with the company." No doubt. Though how funny is it when Matt suddenly realizes HRG is not some major player, but only "middle-management" without absolute knowledge of what the Company's overall agenda is, or even that Linderman is involved? Linderman turns out to be some sort of idealist, in his own mind at least. Got to say though, that plan of bringing about world unity via nuclear disaster is a pretty tough sale. Recent history alone is filled with plenty of unprecedented catastrophes -- none of which have brought the human race to any condition approaching unity. Sorry, even for a super-villain this plan's dicey. Naturally, this may not be Linderman's real motivation, but only his approach at hooking Nathan. And Nathan seems to take the bait. Early on, it does look as if Nathan's repulsed by the whole scheme. The clincher seems to be Nathan's discovery that Peter might (though it is still a mighty big might) be able to survive self-explosion. By this time Nathan has had a chance to salivate awhile over the idea of himself in the Oval Office. Nathan hears Peter's theory that Claire's presence in New York is the "save the world" part of a certain famous catch-phrase. He decides to send her to Paris until after the election anyway. Seems clear that Nathan is signing on to the Linderman plan. It's a good thing Mohinder packed Peter's corpse into the cab and personally brought it to the Petrelli mansion, rather than, say, call 911. It's probably no surprise to viewers that Peter didn't stay dead. The real suspense here came in wondering how he would return to life and how long it would take. Because of the early reveal of Linderman's own ability, I thought Peter might actually stay dead awhile and get resurrected by the big man himself. Or maybe that Mama Petrelli's (still unrevealed) power might also be as a healer of some sort. But Claire's removal of a glass shard hidden in Peter's trademarked dark wavy locks made a nice sortof symmetry with his first meeting of cheerleader. Future Hiro, when he contacted Peter, stopping time in a subway car early in the series, mentioned not recognizing Peter "without his scar." Peter didn't get that scar from Sylar we now know. With his Claire-ability I imagine giving him a physical scar won't be easy in any case. Maybe this indicates that the past (from Future Hiro's point-of-view) has been changed, or maybe additional scarification possibilities lie ahead in Peter's future. Candice tries to pass herself off as Claire to HRG, but he isn't fooled. Impersonating family-members to get information is not the kind of trick you can pull over and over again on the same person, after all. Actually, I think Candice and the Company are attempting to mess with Mr. Bennet's head here, and not really fool him. Candice soon moves on to kidnapping Micah for Linderman. He politely asks Jessica for Micah first, which you'd think would spur Jessica into running away immediately with the kid, but it doesn't. Anyhow, with the way Jessica/Niki and D.L. handle their lives, maybe Micah is better off as the pawn of an evil billionaire for awhile. D.L. makes an interesting statement at one point. He says Jessica's personality is a lot more like Niki/Jessica's father than that of the dead twin, so crazy in this family goes back at least one generation. Isaac the artist gets a real send-off. I actually started to like him for the first time right as he's dying, which is the way it seems to go on these contemporary serial dramas. Sylar appears mesmerized by his newest ability, painting the future. But if Isaac is right this is just about the end of the road for the serial-killer. Syar's own painting-style is, appropriately for the character, much more twisted than Isaac's. His own rendering of a previously-painted scene is distorted and savage. We only get back to the future with Hiro and Ando in the final minutes, just enough time for Hiro to confuse Ando with his theory about how Isaac might still be alive. I suspect most fans were happy to see Future Hiro turn up. However, Future Hiro himself seems none too pleased with his past self. "You," he says, with unreserved contempt. Didn't expect that. I'm looking forward to see how it plays out ...
DOCTOR WHO
The Sci Fi channel has announced it will begin airing "Doctor Who" series three in July. The third season of the program is already airing on the BBC, but American Whovians are used to waiting a little while to get their fix. The new season will kick off with the Christmas special episode "The Runaway Bride," so I guess this will be a sort of Christmas in July. David Tennant will reprise his role as the Doctor, although it's anybody's guess whether he'll be back for a fourth season. With the departure of Billie Piper, the Doctor will pick up a new traveling companion, Martha Jones, played by Freema Agyeman. Sci Fi says the second season of "Doctor Who" drew more than 1 million viewers each week, which are pretty good numbers for the niche cable network.
MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU
According to CNN, Mark Hamill has agreed to resurrect Luke Skywalker for -- wait for it -- a thirty-minute "Robot Chicken" special on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Not only that, but George Lucas (who, of course, had to give the greenlight) will play himself in the special. Imagine that one! Lucas has lightened up. I love it! Apart from acting, Lucasfilm helped collaborate with Chicken creators Seth Green and Matthew Senreich, going so far as to provide them with sound files on Chewbacca and R2-D2. The special, "Robot Chicken: Star Wars", will premiere on Adult Swim this June 17 at 10PM EST. I've never been a huge fan of Seth Green, but the man earned a ton of respect from me when his "Robot Chicken" hit the boob tube last year (or was it the year before, I forget?). The show, which utilizes a stop-motion animation technique, is so ridiculously funny that I often find myself laughing so loud, my neighbors are forced to bang on the wall. This entire special came about after Robot Chicken featured a skit called Emperor's Phone Call, in which Darth Vader calls the Emperor to let him know the Death Star has been blown up. When reps from Lucasfilm wanted the sketch for StarWars.com, a meeting was held between Green, Senreich and Lucasfilm, they pitched their ideas and, now, Luke Skywalker is coming back! Now, don't get too excited -- it's not like Hamill will bring back Luke for the upcoming animated Star Wars TV show, but knowing those Chicken boys, I'm sure this one-time appearance will be worth awatch.
NUTTED BY REALITY
On this, the third-to-last episode of "The Amazing Race", the four remaining teams had various meltdowns: Danny and Oswald couldn’t find the waterfront or the pit stop; Charla and Mirna couldn’t cut noodles the right size or drive a tiny car; and Eric and Danielle were consumed with rage about being Yielded. Despite all of this drama, none of the teams suffered as a result, and what fun is pain without penalty?
“Thanks, Travelocity,” Danny said at the start of the episode, as he and Oswald surfed the Internet to look at the prize they won last week. The screen shot we saw, however, was obviously fake and not really their web surfing. They were probably checking their e.mail.
Ironically, a few minutes later, Oswald asked, “are we allowed to prostitute ourselves on the race?” as if they hadn’t just done that for Travelocity. By the way, every time I mention Travelocity I get five cents.
Mirna told us, “People think that because Charla’s short, they think I’m supposed to treat her in a special way.” Actually, no one thinks that, but we do think people should treat you however one treats a harpy.
“We’ll Yield whoever you want,” Oswald told Dustin and Kandice, asking for only cash in return, thus giving us the first instance of Yield-whoring ever.
Dustin and Kandice paid to Yield Eric and Danielle. “Now we officially are the Yield queens. We just bought a Yield,” Dustin or Kandice said. We’re almost at the end of their second season and I still have no idea which one is which.
At the Macau Tower, Phil introduced the Roadblock, “the highest jump in the history of The Amazing Race.” Walking around the top of the Macau Tower before jumping, Charla said, “The wind is blowing me, it’s pushing me away.” How funny would it have been if she was blown off the tower? She was safely strapped in, so she would have been fine, but I totally wanted to see her go flying. Yes, I’m ashamed.
“We’re not really worried about getting Yielded again; we already got Yielded once,” Eric said. As soon as he realized he had been Yielded, he said, “You guys are pieces of shit” and other charming things such as, “I’m gonna kick down Danny and Oswald’s face when I see ‘em.”
Oswald, frustrated with a lost cab driver, said, “God grant me the patience to withstand the things I cannot change. And the intelligence to hide the body of this man once I’m done killing him.”
From the Things Eric Has Probably Said Before files, Eric told Danielle, “You’re not doing anything by holding that. Pull the stuff.”
“Your car go; our car behind you,” Charla told a cab driver, again slipping into her weird imitation of a foreign language.
“We need to reverse the car back. I don’t want to die,” Charla said. Suggestion: Tell your cousin to stop pulling the car backwards with her hands and, You know, actually drive it.
Waiting out their 30-minuted penalty (they were marked for elimination), Eric said, “Don’t even get excited, because in four minutes, they’re going to show up.” But Danny and Oswald didn’t and thus the Yielded were able to check in. “The rest of my hair’s going to fall out; I need to get double Propecia or something,” Eric said, being impressively self-deprecating for a change.
After getting lost, Danny and Oswald checked in last but were saved by the last non-elimination leg, another undramatic conclusion.
MOVIE BUZZ
THE SIMPSONS MOVIE
Matt Groening says that Bart will have a scene of full-frontal nudity.
CROSSING THE LINE
How does Peter Jackson follow up the nine-hour Lord of the Rings trilogy and the three-hour King Kong remake? With a 12-minute WWI film.
FILTH AND WILSON
Madonna is planning her directing debut. Her husband's obviously given up on making a good movie ever again, so why shouldn't she give it a shot?
AVATAR vs. MONSTERS vs. ALIENS
These two sci-fi flicks are slated to be released in 3-D on Memorial Day 2009. I hope the ads they show before each film are in 3-D, too, because that would be totally awesome.
FLETCH WON
Zach Braff says he's "too busy" to star in the prequel. So that means Fletch won't be a whiney suburban dude with romance "issues"? Darn, then I definitely don't want to go see that then.
THE INCREDIBLE HULK
Avi Arad admitted he was only joking when he implied the Hulk was going to be gray. Others say he got his color back once Edward Norton was told his onscreen girlfriend would probably be Jessica Biel. Hubba hubba.
There you have it, kids. The latest entry of the Phile. If you're taking score, we are at over 1700 views right now. 2000 is not far away, and I think we can reach it by June. Just send a bulletin to everyone on your Myspace friends list or address book and invite them to go check the Phile out. Remember, spread the word, not the turd.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Once You Go Mac You'll Never Go Back
Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the Peverett Phile, 2.0 edition. This is the first entry done on my new iMac. Let me know what you think. So, how are you all? How about this, ladies and gentlemen – we’re already getting sucked up into the 2008 Presidential campaign. Are you fascinated and interested in the 2008 Presidential campaign? Thank you, I appreciate you playing along. Listen to this: John Edwards, Presidential hopeful John Edwards had a $400 Beverly Hills haircut. That’s a lot of dough. I mean, honest to God, ladies and gentlemen, my hairpiece didn’t cost me $400…But here’s the worst part: earlier tonight, Edwards hosted a dinner to raise money for a facial. You know what’s exciting is the "American Idol"? Do you folks watch the "American Idol"? And you know what? It looks like that kid Sanjaya could win the whole thing. When is Al Sharpton going to step in on this one? Happy anniversary, by the way, to Larry King, celebrating 50 years in broadcasting. Happy anniversary to him. And I want to say something: you watch that show, Larry has not lost a step. Any night, you can still hear Larry say, ‘Clifton, New Jersey, you’re on with Suzanne Pleshette.’ That Larry King, though, you think about it: take away his good looks and his silky voice and what do you have? Ladies and gentlemen, here’s good news – Regis Philbin is coming back to his show next Thursday. Next Thursday, yep, not a minute too soon – they’re running out of guest hosts. They’re already up to the ‘Ts’ in the phone book…As a matter of fact, earlier this morning, Kelly Ripa co-hosted the show with Larry Birkhead. But I think Regis is pretty much ready to go. You know, coming back to a show after you’ve had open heart surgery, that’s tough, but I think Regis is ready to go. Although, they say he’ll probably co-host the first week with a catheter. Prom season – oh my gosh, prom season already, ladies and gentlemen. How many folks remember your – how many folks remember your prom? And did you rent a limousine and have a chauffeur and stuff like that? Americans are lucky. In England we didn't have proms, drive in limo's and go on on dates. We walked home, sniffed glue and went into the bathroom with a box of tissues. Somehow, even though he’s been fired and you’d think it would all be over, the Imus story continues. This is the latest: Hillary Clinton announced that she will now meet with the Rutgers women’s basketball team. In a related story, Bill Clinton announced he’sgoing to meet with the Rutgers women’s swimming, volleyball, and gymnastics teams. Don Imus is off the air. Today, Imus made a point of thanking one of his sponsors, Bigelow Tea, for sticking by him. Iums said, "I want to reward Bigelow Tea’s loyalty by publically linking them to racism one last time.” Scientists say they’ve located the gene that causes obesity. Yeah. His name is Gene Millman and he’s the inventor of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. It’s tax season. Earlier this week, Britney Spears checked herself into an H&R Block. Here's a great story: A guy in Alaska goes fishing and he catches a 90-year-old fish, a 90-year-old fish. You know, I look at it this way — if I want a 90-year-old fish, I'll just order the seafood platter at Red Lobster. Guess what else? It's also the 77th birthday of the Twinkie. And I was surprised, because I thought the only 77-year-old Twinkie was Goldie Hawn. A marathon will be run at the North Pole. The winner is the guy who runs 26 miles and can still find his testicles. Carmen Electra has agreed to be the host of a TV show where women wrestle each other naked. The bad news is, the show is called "The View.”
TODAY IN HISTORY
1910:Halley's comet reappears, last seen in 1835. The Earth passes safely through the comet's tail with no perceptible effect, not counting the death of Mark Twain. 1943:During an early-morning operation to exterminate the residents of the Warsaw Ghetto, Nazi troops experience heavy casualties and are forced to retreat before nightfall. Jewish resistance fighters, armed with rifles and Molotov cocktails, manage to kill or wound at least 200. The battle will rage on for another three weeks. 1956:UK Frogman disappeared bugging underside of Khruschev's warship in Portsmouth. 1989:47 crewmen aboard the battleship USS Iowa are killed when a gun turret explodes during a training exercise in the Atlantic. Navy investigators later rule out all accidental causes, and conclude that someone manning the gun, "most probably" one Clayton Hartwig, had sabotaged its operation as a suicide attempt. The Navy ignored the fact that the propellant bags were 44 years old and proven to be chemically unstable. 1993:More than 80 Branch Davidians burn to death in Waco, Texas as the FBI stages a disastrous final assault on their compound. This brings a sudden end to the 51-day siege. 1995:Timothy McVeigh kills 168 Oklahomans when his truck bomb detonates in front of the Alfred P. Murrah federal building. 1995:Singer Bobby Brown is arrested at Disneyworld for beating a man and tearing off his ear. Neil Kelly, the man with the reattached ear, later sues Brown for $6.6 million but eventually settles out of court for an undisclosed sum.
NUTTED BY REALITY
Four teams, four episodes to go. What kind of ending of this "Amazing Race All-Stars" episode possibly have?
Dustin and Kandice had a conversation with an employee at the Kuala Lumpur airport that I swear was dubbed in. Suspiciously, we didn’t see her face at all during the whole conversation. The one thing we saw the woman say was “five o’clock,” and her lips didn’t really match the voice; perhaps it was easier than subtitling?
“It’s okay; keep it open,” a very kind man at China Airlines told Charla, who was trying to close the door to prevent other teams from coming in. Mirna, I think, lied and said, “It’s too cold, too cold!” and Charla closed it anyway. So this is what they meant by playing nice.
“Um, yeah, okay,” the China Airlines rep told Dustin and Kandice, who were insisting that it was important for them to get on the flight. What The Amazing Race needs are more people who will tell the teams and their camera crews to screw off.
“Whatever it takes,” Mirna told Eric, insisting that they should work together to get the blondes out. Now we know why the editors keep showing us the footage of Mirna talking about playing a clean game. Later, Mirna got into an annoying fight with them at another ticket counter. During one of these ticket counter fights, I’m just waiting for an airline rep to pepper spray them.
Ticketless, Dani asked Eric, “What do we do?” He said, “Go stand in a puddle and drop your hair dryer in it and kill ourselves.” Eric: all promises and no action.
“We can make a beauty queen sandwich out of her,” Dustin or Kandice said, referring to Mirna.
In the Kuala Lampur airport, Mirna pushed Charla, who was standing on a luggage cart. In the Hong Kong airport, Charla popped out the wheels on her tennis shoes, and Mirna pulled her along. Next week, Mirna pops open a playpen and lifts Charla into it, telling her play quietly while Mirna stands in line for tickets.
Phil introduced the Detour and said “teams have to choose between two things visitors commonly associate with Hong Kong.” The options: Kung fu fighting and “Lost in Translation.” Thus, when he said “visitors,” Phil meant “dumb Americans.”
For the part of the challenge where they had to find a sign written in Chinese, I assume Phil was referring to the film “Lost in Translation,” but it was set in Tokyo, not Hong Kong.
Explaining one of the Detour options, Phil said, “Once here, they must climb up an 11-story bamboo scaffold, while avoiding an ongoing battle between stunt kung fu experts.” Best. Challenge. Ever.
At the Fast Forward, while being strapped into a stunt car that was about to go up a ramp and flip, Oswald said, “If I wet these pants, it’s the only pair of clean pants that I brought.” Now he knows why Teri and Ian wear disposable underwear.
Climbing the bamboo scaffolding, Mirna said to the kung fu fighters, “We are trying to make love, not war.” I’m not going to ask why dangling from a rope and climbing up the side of a building is comparable to sex for Mirna.
Introducing the Roadblock, Phil said the team member “must enter the stunt world, Hong Kong-style.” So, out of four challenges in Hong Kong, three were stunt-related. Someone ran out of ideas and had to flip open their book of stereotypes.
“He was mad that I could possibly be right about something,” Danielle said of Eric, after she hired a cab to take them to the pit stop. They were last, but Eric, Danielle, and Eric’s green workout pants were saved by yet another non-elimination leg. Luckily they’re sticking around, because Eric’s last Amazing Race episode couldn’t be one during which he said nothing homoerotic.
SHARPENING AXES
This week I will feature some trivia on Foghat. Long time readers of the Phile will know that my dad was Lonesome Dave Peverett of Foghat.
In the Documentary film Spinal Tap Goes to 20, members of the band claimed that the plot and many of the incidents in This is Spinal Tap were based on Foghat.
Drummer Roger Earl sported one of the biggest mustaches among rock stars. To the dismay of many fans, he decided to shave it off before many of later reunion concerts.
Carl Brutananadilewski, a character in the TV series Aqua Teen Hunger Force, expressed in a commercial that he was a fan of Roger Earl, saying "I like the drummer from Foghat. That's my drummer."
The TV show "Still Standing" has a character that plays in a Foghat tribute band.
Their song "Slow Ride" was featured in the 1993 American movie Dazed and Confused. It has also been used in an episode of "Malcolm In The Middle", in a "Seinfeld" episode and in an episode of "Family Guy", where the evil monkey smokes a joint. It pulls station owner Jimmy James out of a coma in an episode of "NewsRadio". It was featured in the K-DST classic rock radio station of the video game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, and an advertisement for the Honda Odyssey, and also an ad for Carl's Jr.
Most, if not all tracks from "Foghat Live" are featured as party music in the 1981 action-adventure film Nighthawks, starring Sylvester Stallone, Rutger Hauer, Billy Dee Williams and Lindsay Wagner, which includes a soundtrack by Keith Emerson, of Emerson, Lake & Palmer.
Roger Earl's brother, Colin, played keyboards for Foghat and was a founding member of Mungo Jerry, who had a hit of their own with "In the Summertime".
In the music video for Yo La Tengo's "Sugarcube", the members of Yo La Tengo are sent to "The Academy of Rock" by their record company. There, one of the teachers informs them of the "Foghat Rule", which is that fourth album must be double live.
In March of 2005 a high school student located in Chula Vista, CA petitioned his school principal to have "Slow Ride" by Foghat to be played as the school lunch bell. After lengthy battles with the administraion, threats of hunger strikes, and anarchy, an agreement was made. On March 18th Bonita Vista High School played Foghat as their lunch passing period bell.
In the fox TV series "King of the Hill", Bill Dauterive says " I made most of my life decisions at a Foghat concert... I stand by them."
Roger Earl had a famous but brief fling with Swedish actress and Bond Girl, Britt Eklund.
On Larry the Cable Guy's CD "A Very Larry Christmas", Foghat is mentioned in the track "The Christmas Story". The main character in that track, Bejesus, was special because he was conceived at a Foghat concert in the third row during the song "Slow Ride".
In the 1996 comedy Kingpin, Claudia tells Roy Munson, "Your act is about as fresh as a Foghat concert. It really bites, Roy."
The song "Slow Ride" was featured in episode 9 of season 1 of the top rated TV drama "Dexter" in 2006.
In the Simpsons episode, "Like Father, Like Clown", the radio talkshow host interviewing Krusty The Clowns father can be seen wearing a Foghat T-shirt.
MOVIE BUZZ
The Landlord
Will Ferrell goes viral in this funny online short that pits him against a potty-talking, degenerate landlady who looks like she's about two years old. Quick, somebody sign that kid up to kick both Dakota Fanning and Abigail Breslin's butts!
Speed Racer
Christina Ricci is already out promoting her role as Speed's girlfriend Trixie in a video interview. But why does this look more like one of those videos cult members make for their families?
Atonement
Bathing Beauty Keira Knightley is all wet in this WWII drama that also stars James McAvoy. And, yes, that's your cue to pause the trailer when she pops out of the fountain.
The Incredible Hulk
Just about everyone was surprised to hear that Edward Norton is going to star as the giant green behemoth. I'm hoping there's a scene where he "Hulks out" and beats himself up.
Hairspray
Hound Dog John Travolta recently claimed that he's "bigger than Elvis," although even in a fat suit in this new trailer I think the King still had a few more pounds on him.
Sicko
Stunt Man Michael Moore took ailing 9/11 rescue workers down to Cuba for free socialized medicine treatments for his upcoming documentary. Was it really a good idea for people with respiratory problems to end up in a country famous for its cigars?
Untitled David Arquette Epic
Bizarro the Barbarian The kooky actor is writing and plans to direct a "Braveheart-style movie." He also claims that 300 "borrowed" some of the shots he'd already had planned out for it. That's what the voices in his head are telling him, anyway.
Untitled David Arquette Epic
The kooky actor is writing and plans to direct a "Braveheart-style movie." He also claims that 300 "borrowed" some of the shots he'd already had planned out for it. That's what the voices in his head are telling him, anyway.
Fool-n-Final
Mike Tyson is going to trade in his boxing gloves for some dancing shoes to star in a Bollywood musical. And his co-stars are wearing ear muffs to the set just in case he goes on another lobe-biting frenzy.
Well, there you have it, the first Phile done on an iMac. Now, you might be noticing a few things. First of, you are right, there isn't a lot of topics. It's hard to find topics to talk about, but I will workon that. second, where are the pictures you are probably thinking. I don't know if it's the Mac's fault, or AOL Journals fault, and it certainly isn't mine, but I cannot paste pictures on the blog anymore, which is a problem I am having. So, unless a miracle will happen, the Phile will have no pics. So, that means I have to kick it up a notch and replace the space I put the pics in with more text. If you look at last week's entry, you'll see that it deleted the pics I posted on there when I was experimenting. I am very sorry about that. Once again, it wasn't my fault. Something's haven't changed though...I still want to hit 2000 views by June. Check out the Peverett Phile's Myspace site at http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=37366572. I don't think I can add a link to the blog either, so you will have to cut and paste the link. Okay, not all is perfect with the Mac, but at least it's not gonna get a virus. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.
FINAL THOUGHT
"Always pick your nose before you pick your ass. Your ass can't small your your nose, but your nose sure can smell your ass."
TODAY IN HISTORY
1910:Halley's comet reappears, last seen in 1835. The Earth passes safely through the comet's tail with no perceptible effect, not counting the death of Mark Twain. 1943:During an early-morning operation to exterminate the residents of the Warsaw Ghetto, Nazi troops experience heavy casualties and are forced to retreat before nightfall. Jewish resistance fighters, armed with rifles and Molotov cocktails, manage to kill or wound at least 200. The battle will rage on for another three weeks. 1956:UK Frogman disappeared bugging underside of Khruschev's warship in Portsmouth. 1989:47 crewmen aboard the battleship USS Iowa are killed when a gun turret explodes during a training exercise in the Atlantic. Navy investigators later rule out all accidental causes, and conclude that someone manning the gun, "most probably" one Clayton Hartwig, had sabotaged its operation as a suicide attempt. The Navy ignored the fact that the propellant bags were 44 years old and proven to be chemically unstable. 1993:More than 80 Branch Davidians burn to death in Waco, Texas as the FBI stages a disastrous final assault on their compound. This brings a sudden end to the 51-day siege. 1995:Timothy McVeigh kills 168 Oklahomans when his truck bomb detonates in front of the Alfred P. Murrah federal building. 1995:Singer Bobby Brown is arrested at Disneyworld for beating a man and tearing off his ear. Neil Kelly, the man with the reattached ear, later sues Brown for $6.6 million but eventually settles out of court for an undisclosed sum.
NUTTED BY REALITY
Four teams, four episodes to go. What kind of ending of this "Amazing Race All-Stars" episode possibly have?
Dustin and Kandice had a conversation with an employee at the Kuala Lumpur airport that I swear was dubbed in. Suspiciously, we didn’t see her face at all during the whole conversation. The one thing we saw the woman say was “five o’clock,” and her lips didn’t really match the voice; perhaps it was easier than subtitling?
“It’s okay; keep it open,” a very kind man at China Airlines told Charla, who was trying to close the door to prevent other teams from coming in. Mirna, I think, lied and said, “It’s too cold, too cold!” and Charla closed it anyway. So this is what they meant by playing nice.
“Um, yeah, okay,” the China Airlines rep told Dustin and Kandice, who were insisting that it was important for them to get on the flight. What The Amazing Race needs are more people who will tell the teams and their camera crews to screw off.
“Whatever it takes,” Mirna told Eric, insisting that they should work together to get the blondes out. Now we know why the editors keep showing us the footage of Mirna talking about playing a clean game. Later, Mirna got into an annoying fight with them at another ticket counter. During one of these ticket counter fights, I’m just waiting for an airline rep to pepper spray them.
Ticketless, Dani asked Eric, “What do we do?” He said, “Go stand in a puddle and drop your hair dryer in it and kill ourselves.” Eric: all promises and no action.
“We can make a beauty queen sandwich out of her,” Dustin or Kandice said, referring to Mirna.
In the Kuala Lampur airport, Mirna pushed Charla, who was standing on a luggage cart. In the Hong Kong airport, Charla popped out the wheels on her tennis shoes, and Mirna pulled her along. Next week, Mirna pops open a playpen and lifts Charla into it, telling her play quietly while Mirna stands in line for tickets.
Phil introduced the Detour and said “teams have to choose between two things visitors commonly associate with Hong Kong.” The options: Kung fu fighting and “Lost in Translation.” Thus, when he said “visitors,” Phil meant “dumb Americans.”
For the part of the challenge where they had to find a sign written in Chinese, I assume Phil was referring to the film “Lost in Translation,” but it was set in Tokyo, not Hong Kong.
Explaining one of the Detour options, Phil said, “Once here, they must climb up an 11-story bamboo scaffold, while avoiding an ongoing battle between stunt kung fu experts.” Best. Challenge. Ever.
At the Fast Forward, while being strapped into a stunt car that was about to go up a ramp and flip, Oswald said, “If I wet these pants, it’s the only pair of clean pants that I brought.” Now he knows why Teri and Ian wear disposable underwear.
Climbing the bamboo scaffolding, Mirna said to the kung fu fighters, “We are trying to make love, not war.” I’m not going to ask why dangling from a rope and climbing up the side of a building is comparable to sex for Mirna.
Introducing the Roadblock, Phil said the team member “must enter the stunt world, Hong Kong-style.” So, out of four challenges in Hong Kong, three were stunt-related. Someone ran out of ideas and had to flip open their book of stereotypes.
“He was mad that I could possibly be right about something,” Danielle said of Eric, after she hired a cab to take them to the pit stop. They were last, but Eric, Danielle, and Eric’s green workout pants were saved by yet another non-elimination leg. Luckily they’re sticking around, because Eric’s last Amazing Race episode couldn’t be one during which he said nothing homoerotic.
SHARPENING AXES
This week I will feature some trivia on Foghat. Long time readers of the Phile will know that my dad was Lonesome Dave Peverett of Foghat.
In the Documentary film Spinal Tap Goes to 20, members of the band claimed that the plot and many of the incidents in This is Spinal Tap were based on Foghat.
Drummer Roger Earl sported one of the biggest mustaches among rock stars. To the dismay of many fans, he decided to shave it off before many of later reunion concerts.
Carl Brutananadilewski, a character in the TV series Aqua Teen Hunger Force, expressed in a commercial that he was a fan of Roger Earl, saying "I like the drummer from Foghat. That's my drummer."
The TV show "Still Standing" has a character that plays in a Foghat tribute band.
Their song "Slow Ride" was featured in the 1993 American movie Dazed and Confused. It has also been used in an episode of "Malcolm In The Middle", in a "Seinfeld" episode and in an episode of "Family Guy", where the evil monkey smokes a joint. It pulls station owner Jimmy James out of a coma in an episode of "NewsRadio". It was featured in the K-DST classic rock radio station of the video game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, and an advertisement for the Honda Odyssey, and also an ad for Carl's Jr.
Most, if not all tracks from "Foghat Live" are featured as party music in the 1981 action-adventure film Nighthawks, starring Sylvester Stallone, Rutger Hauer, Billy Dee Williams and Lindsay Wagner, which includes a soundtrack by Keith Emerson, of Emerson, Lake & Palmer.
Roger Earl's brother, Colin, played keyboards for Foghat and was a founding member of Mungo Jerry, who had a hit of their own with "In the Summertime".
In the music video for Yo La Tengo's "Sugarcube", the members of Yo La Tengo are sent to "The Academy of Rock" by their record company. There, one of the teachers informs them of the "Foghat Rule", which is that fourth album must be double live.
In March of 2005 a high school student located in Chula Vista, CA petitioned his school principal to have "Slow Ride" by Foghat to be played as the school lunch bell. After lengthy battles with the administraion, threats of hunger strikes, and anarchy, an agreement was made. On March 18th Bonita Vista High School played Foghat as their lunch passing period bell.
In the fox TV series "King of the Hill", Bill Dauterive says " I made most of my life decisions at a Foghat concert... I stand by them."
Roger Earl had a famous but brief fling with Swedish actress and Bond Girl, Britt Eklund.
On Larry the Cable Guy's CD "A Very Larry Christmas", Foghat is mentioned in the track "The Christmas Story". The main character in that track, Bejesus, was special because he was conceived at a Foghat concert in the third row during the song "Slow Ride".
In the 1996 comedy Kingpin, Claudia tells Roy Munson, "Your act is about as fresh as a Foghat concert. It really bites, Roy."
The song "Slow Ride" was featured in episode 9 of season 1 of the top rated TV drama "Dexter" in 2006.
In the Simpsons episode, "Like Father, Like Clown", the radio talkshow host interviewing Krusty The Clowns father can be seen wearing a Foghat T-shirt.
MOVIE BUZZ
The Landlord
Will Ferrell goes viral in this funny online short that pits him against a potty-talking, degenerate landlady who looks like she's about two years old. Quick, somebody sign that kid up to kick both Dakota Fanning and Abigail Breslin's butts!
Speed Racer
Christina Ricci is already out promoting her role as Speed's girlfriend Trixie in a video interview. But why does this look more like one of those videos cult members make for their families?
Atonement
Bathing Beauty Keira Knightley is all wet in this WWII drama that also stars James McAvoy. And, yes, that's your cue to pause the trailer when she pops out of the fountain.
The Incredible Hulk
Just about everyone was surprised to hear that Edward Norton is going to star as the giant green behemoth. I'm hoping there's a scene where he "Hulks out" and beats himself up.
Hairspray
Hound Dog John Travolta recently claimed that he's "bigger than Elvis," although even in a fat suit in this new trailer I think the King still had a few more pounds on him.
Sicko
Stunt Man Michael Moore took ailing 9/11 rescue workers down to Cuba for free socialized medicine treatments for his upcoming documentary. Was it really a good idea for people with respiratory problems to end up in a country famous for its cigars?
Untitled David Arquette Epic
Bizarro the Barbarian The kooky actor is writing and plans to direct a "Braveheart-style movie." He also claims that 300 "borrowed" some of the shots he'd already had planned out for it. That's what the voices in his head are telling him, anyway.
Untitled David Arquette Epic
The kooky actor is writing and plans to direct a "Braveheart-style movie." He also claims that 300 "borrowed" some of the shots he'd already had planned out for it. That's what the voices in his head are telling him, anyway.
Fool-n-Final
Mike Tyson is going to trade in his boxing gloves for some dancing shoes to star in a Bollywood musical. And his co-stars are wearing ear muffs to the set just in case he goes on another lobe-biting frenzy.
Well, there you have it, the first Phile done on an iMac. Now, you might be noticing a few things. First of, you are right, there isn't a lot of topics. It's hard to find topics to talk about, but I will workon that. second, where are the pictures you are probably thinking. I don't know if it's the Mac's fault, or AOL Journals fault, and it certainly isn't mine, but I cannot paste pictures on the blog anymore, which is a problem I am having. So, unless a miracle will happen, the Phile will have no pics. So, that means I have to kick it up a notch and replace the space I put the pics in with more text. If you look at last week's entry, you'll see that it deleted the pics I posted on there when I was experimenting. I am very sorry about that. Once again, it wasn't my fault. Something's haven't changed though...I still want to hit 2000 views by June. Check out the Peverett Phile's Myspace site at http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=37366572. I don't think I can add a link to the blog either, so you will have to cut and paste the link. Okay, not all is perfect with the Mac, but at least it's not gonna get a virus. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.
FINAL THOUGHT
"Always pick your nose before you pick your ass. Your ass can't small your your nose, but your nose sure can smell your ass."
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Last Blog Done On A Shitty Computer
Hello, Phile Phans, how are you? Like the title of this entry says, this is the last blog done on a shitty computer. Today I purchased an iMac! So, next week's entry will be done on a brand new computer, and I hope you'll notice a difference. The computer is still in the box and I wanted to write the blog instead of setting it up. I am loyal to my Phans. Well, now that it’s official: What am I going to do with Anna Nicole’s baby? How about that Don Imus thing? He apologized to the Rutgers’ women’s basketball team . . . and in my life, I’ve had to apologize to women, but it’s usually in bed. If I were Don Imus, I wouldn’t be saying anything about other people’s hair. The White House wants to appoint a high-powered official to oversee the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and issue directions to the Pentagon and the State Department . . . This person would be called the president of the United States. House Speaker Pelosi announced she’s considering taking another controversial trip, this time to Iran. And even worse, when she gets back, she’s going fishing with Don Imus. A producer has been fired from CBS News because Katie Couric taped a story for the news that turned out to be plagiarized from The Wall Street Journal. Viewers became suspicious when they noticed that Couric was reading the story directly out of The Wall Street Journal. Rudy Giuliani got into trouble because of that presidential question that he was asked — what was the price of a gallon of milk. That’s the question that shows you know the common people. That doesn’t bother me. What I want to know is, Does the president know the price of the war in Iraq? Car manufacturers are making cars that change colors. Blue car means you’re depressed . . . red car means you’re angry . . . a rainbow-colored car means . . . . you like to drive on the other side of the road . . . An image of the Virgin Mary appeared in a tree along the Mexican border. Not surprisingly, the tree snuck into the U.S. two weeks ago. Baseball experts say that, last week, cold weather caused the number of homeruns to plunge to its lowest level since 1993. In fact, Barry Bonds said, "My ass is so frozen, I can’t even get the needle in.” Nice celebrity story: Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest recently traveled to one of the poorest villages in Africa to visit with the children. The first thing the African children said was, "What’s the frickin’ deal with Sanjaya!?!” In a new interview with George Michael announced that despite repeated requests, he will never be part of a reunion with the ‘80s group Wham!. In case you’re curious, the repeated requests all come from the other guy in Wham!. California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he is going to appear on the show "Pimp My Ride.” This is, of course, great news for fans of the show, but bad news for the guy who does the closed captioning. The other day in Los Angeles a woman was arrested after she was caught trying to sneak into Tom Cruise’s house. When Katie Holmes saw the woman, she told her, "Be careful — it’s easy to get in, impossible to get out.” Saw this in the paper today. In Alaska, scientists have caught a fish that is at least a hundred years old. Not surprisingly they found it at a Long John Silvers. By the way, this week's Phile is sponsored by Hallmark. "Face it, you'll never come up with anything clever on your own."
UNFORTUNATE STAR WARS COSTUMES
He has no chance.
SHARPENING AXES
Ninjas, historically, didn't wear black. For nighttime operations, they wore dark blues, dark grays, and browns. Although most people believe Napoleon was short, he was actually five feet six inches tall, an average height for a Frenchman in those days. The idea that it is dangerous to wake a sleepwalker is a myth. Nonalcoholic beer isn't. Most brands of non-alcoholic beer contain about .5% alcohol. Even though you might think so, America is not the world's top producer of feature films. That honor goes to India. The "v" in the name of a court case does not stand for "versus," but for "and" (in civil proceedings) or "against" (in criminal proceedings). White paws on cats are commonly called "boots" when, in fact, they are actually referred to as "gloves." Chastity belts were not originally imposed to keep people from having sex. They were intended to keep youngsters, of both sexes, from masturbating. Contrary to popular belief, gladiators were lousy fighters in real combat. They were trained solely for arena fighting. On the actual battlefield, their skills were mediocre. Potatoes weren't originally grown as food. They were grown for use as ornamental decorations. Shoemakers are commonly called "cobblers," but correctly speaking, a cobbler is a shoe repairman. A shoemaker is a "cordwainer." Teddy Roosevelt's Rough Riders didn't ride, ever, during the Spanish-American War. In fact, they weren't Teddy's. He was second in command. Despite what you might think, just 20% of the Sahara is covered with sand.The rest is rocky. The nose isn't the only thing that the Sphinx is missing. It once had a royal beard, a cobra emblem, and other pieces of masonry. Bits of what is left of the beard are in the British Museum. Ducks are never male. The males of the species are called drakes. The day after Thanksgiving is reported to be the "busiest shopping day of the year," but it's not true. In terms of sales, the highest sales day of the year is usually either the last Saturday before Christmas or December 23. The first umbrellas weren't intended to protect people from the rain. They were invented by the ancient Egyptians to shield them from the sun.
DAD
WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY
Teams bit into thousands of cookies, one team was completely forgotten, and another team got Yielded, yet overall, last night’s episode of "The Amazing Race 11" was pretty boring. With five episodes to go, these all-stars better start shining. See? It’s even affecting my ability to write engaging metaphors. “We don’t resort to dirty game play like that. We really depend on our skills to get us through,” Mirna said, foreshadowing a moment when she would do the exact opposite. When Eric asked Mirna and Charla if they’d give up one of the two computers they were using to search for plane tickets, Mirna refused. Later, as retribution, Eric wouldn’t let Mirna cut them in line. But then Mirna told us, “Touche, he has a point.” At least she’s aware of her hypocrisy. Now if she’d only realize that she’s an ass. Uchenna and Joyce booked a flight that Danny and Oswald decided not to take because it had a tight connection. “We’re optimistic about it. Things should work out. Our life depends on it,” Uchenna said. Despite the commercial break, which usually ends with a turnaround for the team in crisis, they missed their connection, and were left trying to find another flight. “They definitely don’t need a StairMaster in their country,” Charla said while climbing stairs in Kuala Lumpua, as if America lacks stairs. Dustin and Kandice appeared to have taken the wrong train and bus, but managed to beat Eric and Danielle, and Oswald and Danny, to the clue box. “It’s pure strategy; it’s nothing personal,” one of the blondes said after Yielding Eric and Danielle. “Those dirty, dirty hookers,” Eric said, and told Danielle they got Yielded “because they’re dirty pirate hookers.” Why is not surprising that Eric’s reference point for women are those who have to be paid for sex and steal your money? A crowd watched Charla and Mirna open 600 boxes of cookies (each of which contained at least a dozen cookies, and probably many more), bite into them, and let the cookie’s crumbles fall out of their mouth. They were searching for a single cookie with a licorice center, and as spit-out cookies piled up, someone screamed, “Go Charla!” Mirna explained, “We have a lot of fans, it turns out, here in Malaysia, that recognize us, and they really boost our egos.” Mirna, try that sentence again, replacing the “we” with “Charla.” “You should have no problem with getting free newspaper,” a man told Kandice. “The way you look, yeah,” he said, and it almost seemed like he was saying that it was not because of her stunning good looks, but because she looked like a homeless person in need of shelter. Oswald revealed one of his greatest fears, and it was not being thrown off a building. “Want me to ride a horse, I’m happy. Throw me from a building, I’m fine. Bicycles, I simply don’t like them,” he said. Danny, however, didn’t like Oswald, riding away on the bike saying, “Hating you!” over and over again. “Does anybody have a rope so I can hang myself?” Oswald asked. Even when they’re angry, they’re funnier than Saturday Night Live. Dustin or Kandice—I can only tell them apart when one uses the other’s name—said “I smell Phil” as they ran to the mat. That made me wonder: What does Phil smell like? I think it’s a combination of a day spa, the beach, and funnel cakes. Mirna told a boy who helped her, “Stay out of drugs, go to schools, be a professional, and you’re in good shape.” And be sure to learn English in schools. “Every Roadblock that is designed for a guy, I am doing. And every Roadblock for a girl, Eric’s got. He’s a woman,” Danielle complained, as if she didn’t even watch "The Amazing Race 9". Oswald and Danny arrived at the pit stop last, but Phil simply said they were in fourth place. What? That’s when the editors cut back to Uchenna and Joyce, who I’d completely forgotten were still racing. Their fist clue told them to “travel by taxi to the next pit stop,” where Phil eliminated them, but offered comfort by saying, “you have won this race before.” Good thing Phil doesn’t officiate at funerals, where he’d probably say, “you still have one parent left.”
TODAY IN HISTORY
1945: Franklin D. Roosevelt, the only president ever elected to four terms of office, dies of a cerebral hemorrhage in Warm Springs, GA. The following day, Vice President Harry S. Truman assumes the post and is told for the first time about the Manhattan Project. 1960: Eric Peugeot, 4-year-old son of the auto manufacturer, is kidnapped in Paris. The child is later freed after a $300,000 ransom is paid. Ultimately, the perpetrators are caught and sent to prison. 1961: Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Alexeyevich Gargarin is the first man in space, aboard Vostok I. 1988: U.S. patent 4,736,866 is granted to Harvard University for a genetically-modified mouse, engineered to be particularly susceptible to carcinogens. The cancer-prone "Harvard Oncomouse" is the world's first patented creature, and perhaps also the most screwed. 1989: 1960s counterculture icon Abbie Hoffman kills himself by overdosing on barbituates. 1992: EuroDisney opens to the public, attracting a meager 50,000 visitors. Expectations had been about ten times as many. This underwhelming response by the European public will continue for more than a year. Finally, after 18 months of retooling, the resort is ultimately rechristened Disneyland Paris. 1994: The US Tax Court rules that Indiana exotic dancer Chesty Love can claim a $2,088 tax credit for depreciation on her 56FF breast implants. The judge found that Love's surgical augmentation did in fact increase her income, also that she was unable to derive any personal benefit from them, as the oversized mammaries "contorted her body into a grotesque appearance." 1995: To celebrate David Letterman's 49th birthday, actress Drew Barrymore climbs atop the Late Night desk and flashes her bosomy protuberances at the man. 1995: The Hong Kong Eastern Express reports that China sanctions the consumption of aborted human fetuses as a "health benefit." One practitioner willing to admit a taste for this is Dr. Zou Qin of the Luo Hu Clinic, who boasts having consumed more than 100 meals of human veal -- stew and soup, mostly. 2007: The Peverett's buy an iMac.
ROBOTS I EXPECTED TO EXIST BY NOW
We were promised robots. Crazy electronic sidekick or death-dealing automaton of doom, we didn’t care, as long as the future shaped up to be the awesome electronic robo-battle we’d dreamed of as children. Flash forward 20 years and all we have are sorry, non-robotic pieces of supposedly innovative crap, such as “hybrid cars,” “iPods,” and “hope for the AIDs vaccine.” Consider the below list a sort of report card, so modern scientists can see exactly how far they are from fulfilling the promises of our childhood. Johnny Five fromShort Circuit: Sure, he might be a little obnoxious, not to mention he has the dubious honor of sharing a marquee with 1980s staple Steve Gutenberg. But he scores points for looking like a robot that could actually, you know, “exist.” Also, when he gets angry, his eyes go “destruction red” and he blows stuff up with a laser. Which is classic robot! Lisa from Weird Science: To this day, I'm not sure exactly what the hell Kelly LeBrock’s character was supposed to be in this film, but I'm pretty sure computers were involved, making her at least quasi-robotic. ED-209 from RoboCop: Forget that whiny, morally conflicted do-gooder hero (who was really more of a man in a robot suit anyways), this big guy was the real star of the show. Save for some minor weaknesses (“stairs”), he’s my pick in a fight any day. KITT: Take Mr. Bevledere, add a splash of Stephen King’s Christine, a shot of one of the guys from "The A-Team" and two shots of some exceedingly strange man/car sexual tension, and you’ve got one of the most mysterious robots of all time. It’s a little known fact that KITT was not actually a special effect, but a fully functional robotic car. However, to protect the secret of the car’s existence, Hasselhoff rounded up entire cast and crew of "Knight Rider" along with their families, and killed them with his bare hands. Data: He’s super strong, fast, and smart, in a pretty standard, robot-y way, but what’s endearing is that he really just wants to be one of the guys. Also, he does this thing where he uses the computer by moving his hands really, really fast, which is pretty cool. The Terminator: Sometimes, a robot just has to want to destroy all humans, are we right? Also, whether that heavily accented man from the future is here to protect or eliminate us, at least our long-standing Christ complex is finally validated.
UNITENTIONALLY FUNNY COMIC BOOK PANELS
MOVIE BUZZ
Superman Returns 2: Orlando Bloom was overheard talking about Supes' sequel with director Bryan Singer in Hollywood this week. Yeah, Orlando kinda looks like this dude.
Red State: When is a horror movie not a horror movie? When Kevin Smith says it's not about zombies or serial killers but a preacher in the mold of the controversial Rev. Fred Phelps. If you're not familiar with Fred, watch this nasty piece.
Postal: Uwe Boll, the auteur behind Bloodrayne and House of the Dead, has directed the first 9/11 comedy. Watch this for a real hoot (not). Or if shooting little kids is your idea of hysterics, here's the "secret UNRATED" trailer.
The Christmas Cottage: Jared Padalecki is all set to star as artist Thomas Kinkade in a movie based on one of his paintings. A painting? Man, if they're going to do that, why not make one about those dogs playing poker?
The Birds: After offending nobody by producing remakes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Amityville Horror, Michael Bay will try harder by taking on Alfred Hitchcock's classic about fowl gone wild.
Super Max: Wrongly convicted superhero Green Arrow will go to prison to fight "all sorts of B and C supervillains," including the Tickler and General Glass Jaw. Ah, they shouldn't be too hard to beat.
Lynch: If you ever wondered if David Lynch is as bizarre as his films, watch some footage from an upcoming documentary about the oddball director. (P.S.: The answer = yes.)
Well, the time has come, it's an end of an era...I mean error. For 70 entries, I have written the Phile on a shitty hp computer that is full of viruses and spy ware and more pop up's than the Playboy Mansion. Starting next week the Phile will be done on a brand new iMac. I will make a few changes to the Phile to make it even better as well. Also, we are getting close to reaching 2000 entries by June. Check out the Phile's Myspace site and Webshots page where I added tons of pics from our stay last weekend at the Nick Hotel. Until next time, spread the word, not the turd.
UNFORTUNATE STAR WARS COSTUMES
He has no chance.
SHARPENING AXES
Ninjas, historically, didn't wear black. For nighttime operations, they wore dark blues, dark grays, and browns. Although most people believe Napoleon was short, he was actually five feet six inches tall, an average height for a Frenchman in those days. The idea that it is dangerous to wake a sleepwalker is a myth. Nonalcoholic beer isn't. Most brands of non-alcoholic beer contain about .5% alcohol. Even though you might think so, America is not the world's top producer of feature films. That honor goes to India. The "v" in the name of a court case does not stand for "versus," but for "and" (in civil proceedings) or "against" (in criminal proceedings). White paws on cats are commonly called "boots" when, in fact, they are actually referred to as "gloves." Chastity belts were not originally imposed to keep people from having sex. They were intended to keep youngsters, of both sexes, from masturbating. Contrary to popular belief, gladiators were lousy fighters in real combat. They were trained solely for arena fighting. On the actual battlefield, their skills were mediocre. Potatoes weren't originally grown as food. They were grown for use as ornamental decorations. Shoemakers are commonly called "cobblers," but correctly speaking, a cobbler is a shoe repairman. A shoemaker is a "cordwainer." Teddy Roosevelt's Rough Riders didn't ride, ever, during the Spanish-American War. In fact, they weren't Teddy's. He was second in command. Despite what you might think, just 20% of the Sahara is covered with sand.The rest is rocky. The nose isn't the only thing that the Sphinx is missing. It once had a royal beard, a cobra emblem, and other pieces of masonry. Bits of what is left of the beard are in the British Museum. Ducks are never male. The males of the species are called drakes. The day after Thanksgiving is reported to be the "busiest shopping day of the year," but it's not true. In terms of sales, the highest sales day of the year is usually either the last Saturday before Christmas or December 23. The first umbrellas weren't intended to protect people from the rain. They were invented by the ancient Egyptians to shield them from the sun.
DAD
WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY
Teams bit into thousands of cookies, one team was completely forgotten, and another team got Yielded, yet overall, last night’s episode of "The Amazing Race 11" was pretty boring. With five episodes to go, these all-stars better start shining. See? It’s even affecting my ability to write engaging metaphors. “We don’t resort to dirty game play like that. We really depend on our skills to get us through,” Mirna said, foreshadowing a moment when she would do the exact opposite. When Eric asked Mirna and Charla if they’d give up one of the two computers they were using to search for plane tickets, Mirna refused. Later, as retribution, Eric wouldn’t let Mirna cut them in line. But then Mirna told us, “Touche, he has a point.” At least she’s aware of her hypocrisy. Now if she’d only realize that she’s an ass. Uchenna and Joyce booked a flight that Danny and Oswald decided not to take because it had a tight connection. “We’re optimistic about it. Things should work out. Our life depends on it,” Uchenna said. Despite the commercial break, which usually ends with a turnaround for the team in crisis, they missed their connection, and were left trying to find another flight. “They definitely don’t need a StairMaster in their country,” Charla said while climbing stairs in Kuala Lumpua, as if America lacks stairs. Dustin and Kandice appeared to have taken the wrong train and bus, but managed to beat Eric and Danielle, and Oswald and Danny, to the clue box. “It’s pure strategy; it’s nothing personal,” one of the blondes said after Yielding Eric and Danielle. “Those dirty, dirty hookers,” Eric said, and told Danielle they got Yielded “because they’re dirty pirate hookers.” Why is not surprising that Eric’s reference point for women are those who have to be paid for sex and steal your money? A crowd watched Charla and Mirna open 600 boxes of cookies (each of which contained at least a dozen cookies, and probably many more), bite into them, and let the cookie’s crumbles fall out of their mouth. They were searching for a single cookie with a licorice center, and as spit-out cookies piled up, someone screamed, “Go Charla!” Mirna explained, “We have a lot of fans, it turns out, here in Malaysia, that recognize us, and they really boost our egos.” Mirna, try that sentence again, replacing the “we” with “Charla.” “You should have no problem with getting free newspaper,” a man told Kandice. “The way you look, yeah,” he said, and it almost seemed like he was saying that it was not because of her stunning good looks, but because she looked like a homeless person in need of shelter. Oswald revealed one of his greatest fears, and it was not being thrown off a building. “Want me to ride a horse, I’m happy. Throw me from a building, I’m fine. Bicycles, I simply don’t like them,” he said. Danny, however, didn’t like Oswald, riding away on the bike saying, “Hating you!” over and over again. “Does anybody have a rope so I can hang myself?” Oswald asked. Even when they’re angry, they’re funnier than Saturday Night Live. Dustin or Kandice—I can only tell them apart when one uses the other’s name—said “I smell Phil” as they ran to the mat. That made me wonder: What does Phil smell like? I think it’s a combination of a day spa, the beach, and funnel cakes. Mirna told a boy who helped her, “Stay out of drugs, go to schools, be a professional, and you’re in good shape.” And be sure to learn English in schools. “Every Roadblock that is designed for a guy, I am doing. And every Roadblock for a girl, Eric’s got. He’s a woman,” Danielle complained, as if she didn’t even watch "The Amazing Race 9". Oswald and Danny arrived at the pit stop last, but Phil simply said they were in fourth place. What? That’s when the editors cut back to Uchenna and Joyce, who I’d completely forgotten were still racing. Their fist clue told them to “travel by taxi to the next pit stop,” where Phil eliminated them, but offered comfort by saying, “you have won this race before.” Good thing Phil doesn’t officiate at funerals, where he’d probably say, “you still have one parent left.”
TODAY IN HISTORY
1945: Franklin D. Roosevelt, the only president ever elected to four terms of office, dies of a cerebral hemorrhage in Warm Springs, GA. The following day, Vice President Harry S. Truman assumes the post and is told for the first time about the Manhattan Project. 1960: Eric Peugeot, 4-year-old son of the auto manufacturer, is kidnapped in Paris. The child is later freed after a $300,000 ransom is paid. Ultimately, the perpetrators are caught and sent to prison. 1961: Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Alexeyevich Gargarin is the first man in space, aboard Vostok I. 1988: U.S. patent 4,736,866 is granted to Harvard University for a genetically-modified mouse, engineered to be particularly susceptible to carcinogens. The cancer-prone "Harvard Oncomouse" is the world's first patented creature, and perhaps also the most screwed. 1989: 1960s counterculture icon Abbie Hoffman kills himself by overdosing on barbituates. 1992: EuroDisney opens to the public, attracting a meager 50,000 visitors. Expectations had been about ten times as many. This underwhelming response by the European public will continue for more than a year. Finally, after 18 months of retooling, the resort is ultimately rechristened Disneyland Paris. 1994: The US Tax Court rules that Indiana exotic dancer Chesty Love can claim a $2,088 tax credit for depreciation on her 56FF breast implants. The judge found that Love's surgical augmentation did in fact increase her income, also that she was unable to derive any personal benefit from them, as the oversized mammaries "contorted her body into a grotesque appearance." 1995: To celebrate David Letterman's 49th birthday, actress Drew Barrymore climbs atop the Late Night desk and flashes her bosomy protuberances at the man. 1995: The Hong Kong Eastern Express reports that China sanctions the consumption of aborted human fetuses as a "health benefit." One practitioner willing to admit a taste for this is Dr. Zou Qin of the Luo Hu Clinic, who boasts having consumed more than 100 meals of human veal -- stew and soup, mostly. 2007: The Peverett's buy an iMac.
ROBOTS I EXPECTED TO EXIST BY NOW
We were promised robots. Crazy electronic sidekick or death-dealing automaton of doom, we didn’t care, as long as the future shaped up to be the awesome electronic robo-battle we’d dreamed of as children. Flash forward 20 years and all we have are sorry, non-robotic pieces of supposedly innovative crap, such as “hybrid cars,” “iPods,” and “hope for the AIDs vaccine.” Consider the below list a sort of report card, so modern scientists can see exactly how far they are from fulfilling the promises of our childhood. Johnny Five fromShort Circuit: Sure, he might be a little obnoxious, not to mention he has the dubious honor of sharing a marquee with 1980s staple Steve Gutenberg. But he scores points for looking like a robot that could actually, you know, “exist.” Also, when he gets angry, his eyes go “destruction red” and he blows stuff up with a laser. Which is classic robot! Lisa from Weird Science: To this day, I'm not sure exactly what the hell Kelly LeBrock’s character was supposed to be in this film, but I'm pretty sure computers were involved, making her at least quasi-robotic. ED-209 from RoboCop: Forget that whiny, morally conflicted do-gooder hero (who was really more of a man in a robot suit anyways), this big guy was the real star of the show. Save for some minor weaknesses (“stairs”), he’s my pick in a fight any day. KITT: Take Mr. Bevledere, add a splash of Stephen King’s Christine, a shot of one of the guys from "The A-Team" and two shots of some exceedingly strange man/car sexual tension, and you’ve got one of the most mysterious robots of all time. It’s a little known fact that KITT was not actually a special effect, but a fully functional robotic car. However, to protect the secret of the car’s existence, Hasselhoff rounded up entire cast and crew of "Knight Rider" along with their families, and killed them with his bare hands. Data: He’s super strong, fast, and smart, in a pretty standard, robot-y way, but what’s endearing is that he really just wants to be one of the guys. Also, he does this thing where he uses the computer by moving his hands really, really fast, which is pretty cool. The Terminator: Sometimes, a robot just has to want to destroy all humans, are we right? Also, whether that heavily accented man from the future is here to protect or eliminate us, at least our long-standing Christ complex is finally validated.
UNITENTIONALLY FUNNY COMIC BOOK PANELS
MOVIE BUZZ
Superman Returns 2: Orlando Bloom was overheard talking about Supes' sequel with director Bryan Singer in Hollywood this week. Yeah, Orlando kinda looks like this dude.
Red State: When is a horror movie not a horror movie? When Kevin Smith says it's not about zombies or serial killers but a preacher in the mold of the controversial Rev. Fred Phelps. If you're not familiar with Fred, watch this nasty piece.
Postal: Uwe Boll, the auteur behind Bloodrayne and House of the Dead, has directed the first 9/11 comedy. Watch this for a real hoot (not). Or if shooting little kids is your idea of hysterics, here's the "secret UNRATED" trailer.
The Christmas Cottage: Jared Padalecki is all set to star as artist Thomas Kinkade in a movie based on one of his paintings. A painting? Man, if they're going to do that, why not make one about those dogs playing poker?
The Birds: After offending nobody by producing remakes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Amityville Horror, Michael Bay will try harder by taking on Alfred Hitchcock's classic about fowl gone wild.
Super Max: Wrongly convicted superhero Green Arrow will go to prison to fight "all sorts of B and C supervillains," including the Tickler and General Glass Jaw. Ah, they shouldn't be too hard to beat.
Lynch: If you ever wondered if David Lynch is as bizarre as his films, watch some footage from an upcoming documentary about the oddball director. (P.S.: The answer = yes.)
Well, the time has come, it's an end of an era...I mean error. For 70 entries, I have written the Phile on a shitty hp computer that is full of viruses and spy ware and more pop up's than the Playboy Mansion. Starting next week the Phile will be done on a brand new iMac. I will make a few changes to the Phile to make it even better as well. Also, we are getting close to reaching 2000 entries by June. Check out the Phile's Myspace site and Webshots page where I added tons of pics from our stay last weekend at the Nick Hotel. Until next time, spread the word, not the turd.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)