Hey, kids, welcome to another entry of the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated blog. So, yesterday was my 20th Anniversary at Walt Disney World. Twenty years.
That's like two decades. They gave me a big cake and my 20 year service pin, and I got a lot of attention. When you hit 20 years at Disney you get to choose a watch or a ring. For years I wanted the watch, but as I have a white gold wedding ring, my wife Jen said a gold watch would look stupid, so I ended up ordering a silver ring. Knowing my luck next year they'll offer a silver watch but it'll be too late. Out in California, they recalled 143 million pounds of tainted beef. That’s one triple-stacked burger at Wendy’s. A hundred forty three pounds of tainted beef! I believe that’s the largest amount of tainted meat since Roger Clemens. How about the presidential campaign. Barack Obama and John Edwards got together over the weekend. Edwards may endorse Barack Obama. Although his hair is leaning towards Hillary. John McCain seems reinvigorated. He has a new campaign slogan, “he’ll lead you into the 21st century.” I like it better than his old slogan, “he’ll lead you into assisted living.” Hillary Clinton is accusing Barack Obama of plagiarizing a speech by a Massachusetts governor. She may have a point: The speech was entitled “I love chowda.” Over the weekend in Ohio, former President Bill Clinton had an angry confrontation with a heckler who claimed at one point Bill Clinton made physical contact. Clinton denied any physical contact, but again, he always does. President Bush is in Africa right now. He met the president of Tanzania and gave him a pair of Shaquille O’Neil sneakers. The president of Tanzania was thrilled and said he plans to use Shaq’s shoes as a house for hundreds of people. I want to get this off my chest: For the past 20 years at Disney, I have been using performance-enhancing vodka.
Andy Pettitte apologized for using growth hormone. Nothing yet from Jane Fonda. Cuban dictator Fidel Castro announced he is stepping down, ending five decades of rule. The biggest surprise is when Castro announced he’s going to retire in Miami. About time Castro retired. He is almost 81 years old — that is the same age as John McCain. Castro announced his retirement on the Internet. This is the man who blocked the Internet in his own country. He has a blog. Probably has a MySpace page as well — “Current mood: Evil.” Fidel is being replaced by a younger, sexier Castro: his younger brother Raul. Is this even possible? Can you imagine a country run by one family for years and years and years? That could never happen here . . . ahem. Steven Spielberg pulled out of the Beijing Olympics. He wasn’t competing or anything . . . he was the artistic adviser. He quit because of China’s poor record on human rights. Chinese officials were so upset they couldn’t torture anyone all week. I want to announce that I am not part of the 143 million pounds of recalled meat. The FDA has ruled that I am both safe and delicious to eat. What a banner two days for space geeks. The Shuttle Atlantis landed. I was greeted with two sonic booms just after 0900. There was a Lunar eclipse starting at 2042 and at 2230 they shot down that rogue satellite. It's a good week. Am I the only one who finds it absurd that they've named a space shuttle after something which is most famous for being lost forever beneath the ocean never to be seen or heard from again? It certainly wouldn't be my first name for an object that routinely hurtles towards the earth. Not nearly as awful as naming a condom "Trojan" of course. Or "Ramses" for that matter. In these trying times of economic downturns, terrorist attacks around the globe, armed assassins attacking our schools, soldiers coming home in boxes, war, death and misery everywhere… it sure was cool to log on and see a kick ass story about blowing shit up in space with missiles!
DISNEY'S AMERICA
Walt Disney World Resort will always be dedicated to making dreams come true. In this magical world, fantasy is real and reality is fantastic. A wonderful sense of community awaits, where all are greeted as welcome Guests and become cherished friends. For all who work and play here, Walt Disney World Resort will be a source of joy and inspiration. This is a true story, and you might want to get a Kleenex out.
In 2006 during a seemingly routine performance of Storytime with Belle, Belle and her friend, Brittany Mumford, chose a young male child, approximately 11 years old, to participate in the show. In the few moments of interaction to assist the child on stage, his parents informed Belle that their son was autistic. They cautioned of his dislike of being "handled," and although apprehensive, helped encourage him on stage as he seemed receptive to the notion. They watched intensely as Belle continued her story using her assistant. Their son was portraying Papa, Belle's father, an inventor, and Belle asked him what his invention would be. After a brief silence (and concerned looks from the parents), the boy blurted out "Spaceship." The show continued on and then ended with the invitation for the audience to experience a meet and greet with Belle. The boy and his parents waited for the crowd to disperse; while the son hung back, his parents (extremely emotional) approached Belle. It turns out, at 11 years old, their son had never spoken. And while up on stage, with Belle, in front of a few hundred Guests, including his beaming parents, he chose to speak his first word: spaceship. The boy and his family returned to the Walt Disney World Resort a year later during the 2007 holiday season. During their stay, whenever they came to the Magic Kingdom Park, they saw each and every Storytime with Belle show. After each show, the boy would present Belle with a single red rose. During one of the performances, he appeared eager to participate and once again was selected to portray Papa on stage. The experience was unlike anything anyone expected; he took the stage with enthusiasm and animation. He spoke in full sentences and was the star of the show. While still apprehensive about being "handled," his parents informed Belle how the past year had been a miracle for the family. His development was beyond what they could have imagined, and he was now speaking and interacting as if he never had any challenges. Ever since that day in 2006, his progress had been extraordinary; the family tells and retells the story of his first word with Belle and the magic here at the Walt Disney World Resort. Belle has an entire mirror completely framed by the red roses the boy gave her as a reminder of his story and how much impact we can and do have on each and every one of our Guests. You crying yet?
I WANNA TALK ABOUT ME
These are some of the e-mails I got for reaching twenty years at Disney.
A great big CONGRATULATIONS to you!! I'll try to come by today to congratulate you in person. Carol
After watching you do what you do everyday.....I can't believe you lasted 20 years either!! (sorry, I couldn't resist!) Congratulations on your 20 years. I am proud to call you my friend. Will you be retiring soon? Norm Caron
woo hoo! congratulations!
Hey Jason: I hope you get to last 20 more, but then I don't know how you are going to pull that one off. I hope to work with you for a long, long time. You are a lot of fun. I would pat you on the back....... Milisa Demoulin
Don't worry. We cant believe you lasted that long either;) but I'm glad you did!!!
-Chrissy
Congrats!! But you are suppose to come to work on that day to let us celebrate with you!!!!! Hope you had a great day! Eugene
Onward and upward! Congratulations on the big 20. Rita
FEBRUARY 21st IN HISTORY
1803
Edward Despard and six co-conspirators were hanged, drawn, and quartered at Horsemonger Lane Gaol for plotting to assassinate England's King George III and to destroy the Bank of England. He is the last person to suffer this punishment.
1885
America's greatest phallic symbol, the Washington Monument, is dedicated by President Chester A. Arthur. The shaft towers over 555 into the air, and sports an aluminum foreskin.
1916
Start of the Battle of Verdun, which in nine months yielded 975,000 casualties and almost no change in the front line. It is the bloodiest battle in history, and often the one remarked as having the "highest density of dead per square yard."
1931
The first attempted hijacking of an airplane occurs when revolutionary soldiers in Peru seize a Ford Tri-motor and demand pilots drop propaganda leaflets over the capital, Lima.
1965
Malcolm X assassinated in a Manhattan ballroom, probably by fellow black muslims.
1972
Nixon visits Red China, fulfilling the Vulcan proverb.
1988
Television evangelist Jimmy Swaggart of the Assemblies of God, with tears streaming down his face, confesses sinning with a prostitute in a Louisiana hotel room. A second scandal with yet another prostitute emerges in 1991, further killing his evangelical career.
FLORIDA: AMERICA'S WANG
Kim Sjostrom wanted a real-life version of the film My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which played in the background as friends fixed her hair and makeup before her own marriage ceremony. But less than an hour after she and Teddy Efkarpides were wed, Sjostrom crumpled in her husband's arms during a Greek song that means "Love Me." At 36, Sjostrom was dead from heart disease. The wedding had became a project at Davie Elementary School, where Sjostrom taught first grade. Fellow teachers provided the wedding gown, the flowers and decorations. One of them, an ordained minister, performed the ceremony. "It was perfect for her," said Dominic Church, the minister friend. Sjostrom carried blue and white flowers during the ceremony — the colors of the Greek flag — as she exchanged vows with Efkarpides, a 43-year-old carpenter and Navy veteran. They had met three years to the day before the Jan. 19 wedding. During the couple's first dance, Sjostrom complained of being lightheaded. Efkarpides thought his wife, a diabetic, needed sugar, but she collapsed. Wedding guests, paramedics and doctors at a nearby hospital were unable to revive her.
She had a previous cardiac episode in her 20s and was a poster child — literally — for juvenile diabetes, relatives and friends said. Efkarpides recalled seeing the poster featuring her on New York subways. He consoles himself by reading a list of "101 Reasons Why I Love You" that Sjostrom gave him their first Christmas together. "Number 1. You make me smile." No. 98 is especially difficult: "You're the one I want to grow old with."
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: What do you call a rabbit with a crooked dick? A: Fucks Funny.
Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets? A: So he could run his fingers through his hair.
PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Groveland, Florida, here is this week's top ten list.
Top Ten Slogans For the All-Nude Airline
10. "Sure Beats That All-Nude Busline"
9. "So Friendly, Even Our Pilots Share Their Nuts"
8. "You Are Now Free To Moon The Country"
7. "We're Bringing Back the 'Smokin!' Section"
6. "Where Hijacking Takes On a Whole New Meaning"
5. "The Airline Formerly Known as Virgin"
4. "Ralph Feinnes Tested, Ralph Feinnes Approved"
3. "Bon Voyeur!"
2. "Going Down In Our Planes Is a Pleasure"
And the number one slogan for the all-nude airline...
1. "We Love To Fly... And It Shows!"
GEEK TALK
With most of the mutants, they get some funky superpower mutation and look cool -- whether they can hide it until they need it, like Wolverine, or whether it just results in some super-sexy white hair like Rogue. Then, you get dudes like Beak -aka- Barnell Bohusk. He starts turning into a humanoid bird and feels freakish and ashamed. (And some of the others thought they had it bad...) Well, if the website Just Jared is right, Beak is in 20th Century Fox's X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and he'll be played by Dominic Monaghan. He's certainly a man who gets around, between helping to save the world in Hobbit form and being quite "Lost". And while this sequel originally seemed to be a lone Logan sort of feature, it's become quite the X-Men extravaganza.
As for Beak's story -- he was a kid born in the Netherlands whose puberty was particularly rough. As Wikipedia describes it: "His body changed into that of a humanoid-bird form, with a beaked face, bulbous eyes, wing-like arms that give him the ability to fly (albeit clumsily), talons on his hands and feet, and double-jointed knees." He went into hiding over his appearance, and then found his way to the Xavier Institute. I'm not sure how he'll fit into this story, but he did take over Wolverine's shack to house his winged babies with Angel Salvadore, so maybe that'll come into play.
MOVIE BUZZ
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Ryan Reynolds is assassin Deadpool, Taylor Kitsch's the mutant Gambit, and rapper Will.i.am will play the teleporting Kestrel. The only role not cast yet is the Blob, the 1,200-pound mutant who will be played by someone wearing a giant fat suit. I nominate Gwyneth Paltrow. She looked pretty good in Shallow Hal.
Filth and Wisdom
Madonna's directorial debut may not only skip theaters but DVD as well, and be sold directly as a download from iTunes. Who knew that the Internet could be such a popular medium for downloading filth?
Jumper 2
Doug Liman is already excited about making a sequel, in which he figures Hayden Christensen can either travel back in time or work for the government. Great. An IRS agent who can literally check to see if I'm really cheating on my receipts.
The Incredible Hulk
They say the first trailer won't be available until sometime in March, but to tide us over, there's some pics of a full-scale replica of the jolly green giant. And if you think the Hulk looks angry, that's nothing compared to how I'm going to look if that trailer doesn't arrive ASAP.
The Dam
First it was Rocky. Then it was Rambo. Now Stallone is angling to return as Gabe Walker in a sequel to Cliffhanger. Except they're going to make this more kid-friendly and have Sly face off against a gang of angry beavers.
The Last Supper
Iconoclastic director Peter Greenaway is planning to animate Leonardo Da Vinci's actual painting as a film. At last, we'll finally get an answer to the question that has plagued scholars for centuries: Did Jesus burp?
There you go, phans, the latest entry. I still hope we hit 4000 views by Easter, which is about a month to go. Until next week, check out the Myspace.com/peverettphile site and the Foghat.com site. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd. Peace.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Stupid Valentine's Day
Welcome to the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated blog. It's Valentine's Day, people, I hope you got a kiss from your loved ones. Or at least a hug, or a smile. Did anybody notice that a heart looks like an ass upside down? I gave my wife a card, a fake rose and a box of chocolate kisses. What did you give your loved ones? How about the presidential race? Hillary Clinton is trailing Barack Obama. Indications are she getting a little nervous, maybe a little desperate. Earlier today, she showed up wearing a painted-on pantsuit. How about that Mitt Romney? I’m going to miss him. He’s like the archaeologist who ignored the curse of the mummy’s tomb. After John McCain swept the primaries, he purposely stole a line Barack Obama’s been using: "I’m fired up and ready to go." When Obama heard this, he stole a line McCain’s been using: "I’m old and not sure where I am." This week a man in Florida was arrested for hitting the manager of a Taco Bell in the face with a bag full of Tacos. Afterwards, the Taco Bell manager said, “It’s weird, my tacos usually don’t attack me until I’m in the bathroom.” The writers’ strike is over! I’m just excited to get new episodes of “Army Wives” back. Another gift from the comedy gods: Baseball great Roger Clemens sat in front of Congress today, to answer questions about whether or not he used performance-enhancing drugs. Clemens says he didn’t; his former trainer says he did. I might be the only one who believes them both. I only know this: I watched this thing for three hours and I have not heard the word buttocks used so often in congressional hearings since the last time Oliver North showed up wearing a banana hammock. They’re very focused on buttocks because it takes their minds off the economy and the war and all that other stuff. Did I tell you I'll miss that Mitt Romney? He looks like a doctor with a miracle cure for arthritis. He looks like a lawyer in a Yellow Pages ad. President Bush says during his last year in office, he will visit more countries than in any other year of his presidency. He says he will accomplish all of this in one weekend by going to Epcot. Last week, prison guards had to use tear gas to break up prison riots in New Jersey. When the tear gas didn’t work, the guards sprayed the prisoners with New Jersey air. Dolly Parton has cancelled her tour because her boobs are hurting her back. It's funny, because Amy winehouse cancelled her tour because her face was hurting me. Dolly used to have an
attraction in Orlando called Dixie Stampede. Amy Winehouse is soon to open one called My face Got Run Over My A Stampede. I feel sorry for Amy Winehouse. All that fame and money . . . no wonder she’s gone a little crackie. Amy Winehouse won five Grammys! She wasn’t there. She couldn’t get a visa for her drugs.
R.I.P.
Roy Scheider: So long, old chum.
David Groh: Remember him? The husband from Rhoda? No?
FLORIDA: AMERICA'S WANG
The man known as the Hyde Park rapist has moved for the third time in three weeks — this time to a U.S. 1 apartment complex a mile and a half away from his old address. Convicted serial rapist Bobby Joe Helms had been living since Jan. 25 at the Hollandale Mobile Home Park in old Eau Gallie. State prison officials said he was scheduled to move Friday from the Pineapple Avenue residence he settled into two weeks ago to 3735 N. Harbor City Blvd. in Melbourne. Known as the "Hyde Park rapist," Helms served 13 years in prison after pleading guilty to raping 12 Tampa-area women and attempting to rape four others during three years in the 1980s. In 1999, Helms was released on probation and spent eight years in a secured state treatment center before his release on Jan. 17. Upon his release, Helms moved into a Melbourne apartment complex at 1734 Avocado Ave., two and a half miles from his new address. He left a week later amidst neighbor complaints, news media uproar and apparent conflict with his landlords.
FEBRUARY 14TH IN HISTORY
Feb 14
The eve of the Roman feast of Lupercalia. Naked youths would run through Rome, anointed with the blood of sacrificed dogs and goats, waving thongs cut from the goats. If a young woman was struck by the thong, fertility was assured. Pope Gelasius I decided this was a bit too much, and co-opted the Roman holiday to be the Feast of St. Valentine in 484 A.D.
1779
English explorer Captain JamesCook and some of his crew are slaughtered by angry Hawaiian islanders, after he tried to take a Hawaiian chief hostage over a dispute regarding a stolen boat.
1929
The Capone gang kills six members of the "Bugs" Moran gang and one other person at the S.M.C. Cartage company in Chicago, in an event known as the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. Bogus police officers were used so that it appeared to be a routine police bust. Except for all the bodies.
1979
Walter Carlos, the musician who created "Switched on Bach" and the score of A Clockwork Orange, reveals to the world that he has had a sex change operation and is henceforth to be referred to as Wendy.
1989
Ayatollah Khomeini issues a takfir against Salman Rushdie, for his writings in the Satanic Verses. The act propels the otherwise uninteresting book into a bestseller.
LEAST ROMANTIC LOVE SONG LYRICS
John Mayer: "Your Body is a Wonderland": "One mile to every inch of Your skin like porcelain One pair of candy lips and Your bubblegum tongue."
Oh Jesus Christ, John! You almost had it, too. The cliches sort of worked for a little while, but then you decide to venture out into the land of uncharted metaphors, and the best you can come up with is bubblegum tongue?
Emerson, Lake & Palmer: "Still ... You Turn Me On": "When you're buried in disguise By the dark glass on your eyes Though your flesh has crystallized; Still ... you turn me on.Every day a little sadder, A little madder, Someone get me a ladder."
I'm not sure if it's the talk of rage that grows inside him each day, or the necrophiliac imagery of crystallized flesh, but by the time he gets to that last line, I can't help but wonder if the ladder is for the girl he keeps in the hole in his basement.
The Faces: "Stay With Me": "Won't need too much pursuadin,' I don't mean to sound degradin,' But with a face like that you got nothin' to laugh about."
Rod Stewart making comments on someone else's looks? That's pretty rich, Roderick.
It's a good rule of thumb that anything you could possibly say to a woman following the phrase, "I don't mean to sound degradin,' but ... " is good for a trip directly to dry-penis-ville.
REO Speedwagon: "Keep OnLoving You": "You should've known by the tone of my voice, maybe But you didn't listen You played dead, but you never bled,
Instead you lay still in the grass, all coiled up and hissing" The chorus, with its promise to "keep on loving you," made this song a staple of those "As Seen on TV" love song compilation CDs. This verse however reads like bad poetry by a rageaholic husband from a Lifetime Channel movie. First he gets mad at her for not reading the tone of his voice correctly. Then the woman in question plays dead, presumably so he'll stop hitting her. But, as he points out, she wasn't bleeding. So, you know, he did her a favor. Then he calls her a snake, making this one of the most hate-fueled lyrical barrages this side of "Bulls on Parade." But it's not REO Speedwagon's fault. He puts up with so much. Besides, REO Speedwagon only does it because he loves us so much.
Prince: "Gett Off": "Remind me of something James used to say,
'I like 'em fat, I like 'em proud, Ya gotta have a mother for me,'
Now move your big ass 'round this way so I can work on that zipper, baby
Cus, tonight you're a star--and I'm the big dipper" This was bound to happen. Prince writes so many songs about sexing the ladies, that one of them was bound to cross a line into the land of ball-kneeing idiocy. This verse violates one of the oldest laws of seduction: never comment on a girl's weight. Oh, and never refer to yourself as the big dipper.
THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Groveland, Florida here's this week's top ten list.
TOP TEN HONEST VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS
10. Let's Pork!
9. You're Probably The Best I Can Do At This Stage Of Life
8. Blowing Me For Jewelry Isn't THAT Much Like Prostitution?
7. There's No One I'd Rather Lie To About Our Future Together Than You
6. Hard As A Rock For You
5. Happy Valentine's Day, Blind Date. I Can't Wait To Show You My Hentai Tentacle Rape Porn Collection
4. This Valentine's Day Let's Not Fuck Other People For Once
3. ANA LSE X2N ITE
2. You'd Be Perfect If You Lost 15 Pounds
And the number one honest Valentine's Day card
1. I Have The Junk To Your Vag, Valentine
CANNED LAUGHTER
A woman goes into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. She takes the first glass and pours it down the back of her skirt. The bartender looks on in amazement as she pours another glass, and again tips it down the back of her skirt. His curiosity piqued, the bartender quickly inquires, “Lady, why are you pouring your drinks down your skirt?” To which the woman replies, “I’ve just won the lottery and this is the only asshole I’m sharing it with!”
FOGHAT
This is from an article that was on the USAToday website: Sleeper download hits, or: Who knew Foghat's 'Slow Ride' sold 200k? Slow ride but a lucrative one: Foghat's Slow Ride is, as previewed in the headline, up to 203,000. Have you ever met one of those people?
DAD
Dave was a friend of mine and he never even knew it. He liked my music. He proved this over and over again by making records that reflected what I liked and what I was feeling. I could always catch up to where he was by listening to his latest releases (it was vinyl back then). Listening to his perspective always had a way of setting things right. I was always better off after hearing from him. Not too serious but always real. Listening to him I grew older and wiser and always appreciated his willingness to let his music kick me in the ass when needed. He was a fan of, as well as, an ambassador for the music that he loved and played. A musician's musician.The joy of being able to play the music he loved in front of fan's that "got" him was never lost on him. He gave it everything he had every night. It was his charge in life and he never shirked from it. No matter what he might have been feeling he never ever let on that he might be tired or weak or scared. Maybe he wasn't. I like to think that as fans we helped give him back what he wanted and needed in order to get up one more day and carry on with his mission to bring us real Rock 'n' Roll. Chest pounding rhythms, and lyrics that mean as much to me now as they did when I was in school and trying to find my way through adolescence and into adulthood. I miss my friend but am thankful for the magic of the music that he has left behind. Through his music I can still find my way. There are lots of musicians but very few that have touched my life like Dave has. - Mark S.
GEEK TALK
Just as Zack Snyder wraps production on Watchmen and gets ready to bring it all together into an alternate universe, superhero showcase, 20th Century Fox is getting litigious. The Hollywood Reporter has posted that the company is preparing to battle Warner Brothers "over the rights to develop, produce, and distribute" the film based on the uber popular graphic novel. On Friday, Fox sued, claiming it holds all the rights. They say that between '86 and '90 they "acquired all movie rights to the 12-issue DC Comics series and screenplays by Charles McKeown and Sam Hamm." In '91, there was a quitclaim to Largo Int., but Fox retained "exclusive rights to distribute the first motion picture." Then, Largo dismantled, and the rights went to producer Lawrence Gordon. "Under a 'turnaround agreement' between Fox and Gordon, the producer agreed to pay a buy-out price to Fox if he entered into any agreement with another studio or third party to develop or produce Watchmen, among other things." They say that neither Gordon nor Warners paid out. Got all that straight? In other words, Fox said they had the rights and that producer Lawrence Gordon and WB didn't honor it like they should have. I imagine WB will do what they can to wrap this up quickly, and not let it interfere with the March 6, 2009 release date. At least, I hope so. Otherwise, they might get some masked vigilantes on their tails.
MOVIE BUZZ
Semi-Pro
As his afro-endowed character from the upcoming basketball comedy, Will Ferrell poses for several Sports Illustrated photos with a bikini-clad Heidi Klum. Too bad she couldn't have said "you're owuut" to him for blocking most of her hot body shots.
The Incredible Hulk
A toy advertisement gives us our first peek at the monstrous villain, the Abomination. I have a question, though. If Gamma radiation turns the Hulk green, what turned the Abomination brown? Irradiated poop?
Street Kings
For the first time since Speed, Keanu Reeves stars as a police officer — albeit a rogue one, as you can see in the trailer. So, you know how before he had to stop a speeding bus? Here, he's more apt to drive one over someone who gets in his way.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Our first look at Hugh Jackman back in his mutant persona is a picture of the actor posing with fans. I still find it ironic that a superhero with razors on the back of his hands can't trim his own sideburns.
G.I. Joe
English actor Christopher Eccleston is stepping in to play the Joe's arch nemesis, Destro, since Irish actor David Murray couldn't get a work visa for the States. Great. Another reason for Ireland to be mad at England.
Tunnel Rats
There's a gory and explosive trailer for Uwe Boll's latest, which oddly enough is his first American film that's not based on a video game. Well, don't worry. It'll still be just as sucky.
Tyrannosaurus Rex
On his MySpace blog, Rob Zombie announced that this would be the title for his next film, but that it will have absolutely nothing to do with dinosaurs. Personally, I'm hoping it'll be a biopic of '70s glam band T. Rex, because I can't get enough of dudes in spandex and sparkly makeup gettin' funky.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Before finally arriving in theaters on Valentine's Day, the trailer will debut that day on "Good Morning America". They'll be squeezing it in-between "breaking" news stories about how soda makes you fat and that hotel drinking glasses might have germs on them. (Yes, actual "news" stories this week.)
Star Trek
One day, Eric Bana says that his part as the Romulan Nero is just a "cameo," but the next he claims he just meant that his character isn't the focus of the film. Does this guy even know what movie he's working on? Yeesh, next thing you know he'll be telling us he doesn't know the difference between a tribble and a dilithium crystal.
The Spirit 2 & 3
Production company Lionsgatehas already signed writer/director Frank Miller to make two more sequels. Let's see, the first movie is about a mysterious guy who fakes his own death and deals out his own unique form of retribution. Is Lionsgate sure it wasn't just agreeing to make more Saw movies?
There you go, phans, a Valentine's Day Phile. I still want to hit 4000 views by Easter, and I think we have about 300 to go. If you noticed, I tried a new font in this week's entry. I think I like it better, but probably forget by next week and go back to the regular font. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd. Peace.
attraction in Orlando called Dixie Stampede. Amy Winehouse is soon to open one called My face Got Run Over My A Stampede. I feel sorry for Amy Winehouse. All that fame and money . . . no wonder she’s gone a little crackie. Amy Winehouse won five Grammys! She wasn’t there. She couldn’t get a visa for her drugs.
R.I.P.
Roy Scheider: So long, old chum.
David Groh: Remember him? The husband from Rhoda? No?
FLORIDA: AMERICA'S WANG
The man known as the Hyde Park rapist has moved for the third time in three weeks — this time to a U.S. 1 apartment complex a mile and a half away from his old address. Convicted serial rapist Bobby Joe Helms had been living since Jan. 25 at the Hollandale Mobile Home Park in old Eau Gallie. State prison officials said he was scheduled to move Friday from the Pineapple Avenue residence he settled into two weeks ago to 3735 N. Harbor City Blvd. in Melbourne. Known as the "Hyde Park rapist," Helms served 13 years in prison after pleading guilty to raping 12 Tampa-area women and attempting to rape four others during three years in the 1980s. In 1999, Helms was released on probation and spent eight years in a secured state treatment center before his release on Jan. 17. Upon his release, Helms moved into a Melbourne apartment complex at 1734 Avocado Ave., two and a half miles from his new address. He left a week later amidst neighbor complaints, news media uproar and apparent conflict with his landlords.
FEBRUARY 14TH IN HISTORY
Feb 14
The eve of the Roman feast of Lupercalia. Naked youths would run through Rome, anointed with the blood of sacrificed dogs and goats, waving thongs cut from the goats. If a young woman was struck by the thong, fertility was assured. Pope Gelasius I decided this was a bit too much, and co-opted the Roman holiday to be the Feast of St. Valentine in 484 A.D.
1779
English explorer Captain JamesCook and some of his crew are slaughtered by angry Hawaiian islanders, after he tried to take a Hawaiian chief hostage over a dispute regarding a stolen boat.
1929
The Capone gang kills six members of the "Bugs" Moran gang and one other person at the S.M.C. Cartage company in Chicago, in an event known as the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. Bogus police officers were used so that it appeared to be a routine police bust. Except for all the bodies.
1979
Walter Carlos, the musician who created "Switched on Bach" and the score of A Clockwork Orange, reveals to the world that he has had a sex change operation and is henceforth to be referred to as Wendy.
1989
Ayatollah Khomeini issues a takfir against Salman Rushdie, for his writings in the Satanic Verses. The act propels the otherwise uninteresting book into a bestseller.
LEAST ROMANTIC LOVE SONG LYRICS
John Mayer: "Your Body is a Wonderland": "One mile to every inch of Your skin like porcelain One pair of candy lips and Your bubblegum tongue."
Oh Jesus Christ, John! You almost had it, too. The cliches sort of worked for a little while, but then you decide to venture out into the land of uncharted metaphors, and the best you can come up with is bubblegum tongue?
Emerson, Lake & Palmer: "Still ... You Turn Me On": "When you're buried in disguise By the dark glass on your eyes Though your flesh has crystallized; Still ... you turn me on.Every day a little sadder, A little madder, Someone get me a ladder."
I'm not sure if it's the talk of rage that grows inside him each day, or the necrophiliac imagery of crystallized flesh, but by the time he gets to that last line, I can't help but wonder if the ladder is for the girl he keeps in the hole in his basement.
The Faces: "Stay With Me": "Won't need too much pursuadin,' I don't mean to sound degradin,' But with a face like that you got nothin' to laugh about."
Rod Stewart making comments on someone else's looks? That's pretty rich, Roderick.
It's a good rule of thumb that anything you could possibly say to a woman following the phrase, "I don't mean to sound degradin,' but ... " is good for a trip directly to dry-penis-ville.
REO Speedwagon: "Keep OnLoving You": "You should've known by the tone of my voice, maybe But you didn't listen You played dead, but you never bled,
Instead you lay still in the grass, all coiled up and hissing" The chorus, with its promise to "keep on loving you," made this song a staple of those "As Seen on TV" love song compilation CDs. This verse however reads like bad poetry by a rageaholic husband from a Lifetime Channel movie. First he gets mad at her for not reading the tone of his voice correctly. Then the woman in question plays dead, presumably so he'll stop hitting her. But, as he points out, she wasn't bleeding. So, you know, he did her a favor. Then he calls her a snake, making this one of the most hate-fueled lyrical barrages this side of "Bulls on Parade." But it's not REO Speedwagon's fault. He puts up with so much. Besides, REO Speedwagon only does it because he loves us so much.
Prince: "Gett Off": "Remind me of something James used to say,
'I like 'em fat, I like 'em proud, Ya gotta have a mother for me,'
Now move your big ass 'round this way so I can work on that zipper, baby
Cus, tonight you're a star--and I'm the big dipper" This was bound to happen. Prince writes so many songs about sexing the ladies, that one of them was bound to cross a line into the land of ball-kneeing idiocy. This verse violates one of the oldest laws of seduction: never comment on a girl's weight. Oh, and never refer to yourself as the big dipper.
THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Groveland, Florida here's this week's top ten list.
TOP TEN HONEST VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS
10. Let's Pork!
9. You're Probably The Best I Can Do At This Stage Of Life
8. Blowing Me For Jewelry Isn't THAT Much Like Prostitution?
7. There's No One I'd Rather Lie To About Our Future Together Than You
6. Hard As A Rock For You
5. Happy Valentine's Day, Blind Date. I Can't Wait To Show You My Hentai Tentacle Rape Porn Collection
4. This Valentine's Day Let's Not Fuck Other People For Once
3. ANA LSE X2N ITE
2. You'd Be Perfect If You Lost 15 Pounds
And the number one honest Valentine's Day card
1. I Have The Junk To Your Vag, Valentine
CANNED LAUGHTER
A woman goes into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. She takes the first glass and pours it down the back of her skirt. The bartender looks on in amazement as she pours another glass, and again tips it down the back of her skirt. His curiosity piqued, the bartender quickly inquires, “Lady, why are you pouring your drinks down your skirt?” To which the woman replies, “I’ve just won the lottery and this is the only asshole I’m sharing it with!”
FOGHAT
This is from an article that was on the USAToday website: Sleeper download hits, or: Who knew Foghat's 'Slow Ride' sold 200k? Slow ride but a lucrative one: Foghat's Slow Ride is, as previewed in the headline, up to 203,000. Have you ever met one of those people?
DAD
Dave was a friend of mine and he never even knew it. He liked my music. He proved this over and over again by making records that reflected what I liked and what I was feeling. I could always catch up to where he was by listening to his latest releases (it was vinyl back then). Listening to his perspective always had a way of setting things right. I was always better off after hearing from him. Not too serious but always real. Listening to him I grew older and wiser and always appreciated his willingness to let his music kick me in the ass when needed. He was a fan of, as well as, an ambassador for the music that he loved and played. A musician's musician.The joy of being able to play the music he loved in front of fan's that "got" him was never lost on him. He gave it everything he had every night. It was his charge in life and he never shirked from it. No matter what he might have been feeling he never ever let on that he might be tired or weak or scared. Maybe he wasn't. I like to think that as fans we helped give him back what he wanted and needed in order to get up one more day and carry on with his mission to bring us real Rock 'n' Roll. Chest pounding rhythms, and lyrics that mean as much to me now as they did when I was in school and trying to find my way through adolescence and into adulthood. I miss my friend but am thankful for the magic of the music that he has left behind. Through his music I can still find my way. There are lots of musicians but very few that have touched my life like Dave has. - Mark S.
GEEK TALK
Just as Zack Snyder wraps production on Watchmen and gets ready to bring it all together into an alternate universe, superhero showcase, 20th Century Fox is getting litigious. The Hollywood Reporter has posted that the company is preparing to battle Warner Brothers "over the rights to develop, produce, and distribute" the film based on the uber popular graphic novel. On Friday, Fox sued, claiming it holds all the rights. They say that between '86 and '90 they "acquired all movie rights to the 12-issue DC Comics series and screenplays by Charles McKeown and Sam Hamm." In '91, there was a quitclaim to Largo Int., but Fox retained "exclusive rights to distribute the first motion picture." Then, Largo dismantled, and the rights went to producer Lawrence Gordon. "Under a 'turnaround agreement' between Fox and Gordon, the producer agreed to pay a buy-out price to Fox if he entered into any agreement with another studio or third party to develop or produce Watchmen, among other things." They say that neither Gordon nor Warners paid out. Got all that straight? In other words, Fox said they had the rights and that producer Lawrence Gordon and WB didn't honor it like they should have. I imagine WB will do what they can to wrap this up quickly, and not let it interfere with the March 6, 2009 release date. At least, I hope so. Otherwise, they might get some masked vigilantes on their tails.
MOVIE BUZZ
Semi-Pro
As his afro-endowed character from the upcoming basketball comedy, Will Ferrell poses for several Sports Illustrated photos with a bikini-clad Heidi Klum. Too bad she couldn't have said "you're owuut" to him for blocking most of her hot body shots.
The Incredible Hulk
A toy advertisement gives us our first peek at the monstrous villain, the Abomination. I have a question, though. If Gamma radiation turns the Hulk green, what turned the Abomination brown? Irradiated poop?
Street Kings
For the first time since Speed, Keanu Reeves stars as a police officer — albeit a rogue one, as you can see in the trailer. So, you know how before he had to stop a speeding bus? Here, he's more apt to drive one over someone who gets in his way.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Our first look at Hugh Jackman back in his mutant persona is a picture of the actor posing with fans. I still find it ironic that a superhero with razors on the back of his hands can't trim his own sideburns.
G.I. Joe
English actor Christopher Eccleston is stepping in to play the Joe's arch nemesis, Destro, since Irish actor David Murray couldn't get a work visa for the States. Great. Another reason for Ireland to be mad at England.
Tunnel Rats
There's a gory and explosive trailer for Uwe Boll's latest, which oddly enough is his first American film that's not based on a video game. Well, don't worry. It'll still be just as sucky.
Tyrannosaurus Rex
On his MySpace blog, Rob Zombie announced that this would be the title for his next film, but that it will have absolutely nothing to do with dinosaurs. Personally, I'm hoping it'll be a biopic of '70s glam band T. Rex, because I can't get enough of dudes in spandex and sparkly makeup gettin' funky.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Before finally arriving in theaters on Valentine's Day, the trailer will debut that day on "Good Morning America". They'll be squeezing it in-between "breaking" news stories about how soda makes you fat and that hotel drinking glasses might have germs on them. (Yes, actual "news" stories this week.)
Star Trek
One day, Eric Bana says that his part as the Romulan Nero is just a "cameo," but the next he claims he just meant that his character isn't the focus of the film. Does this guy even know what movie he's working on? Yeesh, next thing you know he'll be telling us he doesn't know the difference between a tribble and a dilithium crystal.
The Spirit 2 & 3
Production company Lionsgatehas already signed writer/director Frank Miller to make two more sequels. Let's see, the first movie is about a mysterious guy who fakes his own death and deals out his own unique form of retribution. Is Lionsgate sure it wasn't just agreeing to make more Saw movies?
There you go, phans, a Valentine's Day Phile. I still want to hit 4000 views by Easter, and I think we have about 300 to go. If you noticed, I tried a new font in this week's entry. I think I like it better, but probably forget by next week and go back to the regular font. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd. Peace.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
I'm A Fool For The City
Hello, and welcome to another entry of the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated blog. Today is a sad day for the Peverett family, and many of you out there as today marks the 8 year anniversary of my dad's death, the late great Lonesome Dave Peverett. Well, it was Super Tuesday on Tuesday (which makes sense as it would be stupid to have Super Tuesday on like a Friday) It was a tough night for Hillary. She has been accused of frequently switching he positions. To which Bill Clinton said, “I wish.” In a recent speech, California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said that if Republicans want to win, they have to be more like him. I think it’s working — today Mitt Romney gave a speech with a dozen walnuts in his mouth. This pisses me off, John McCain has been taking his 95-year-old mother along with him in his campaign bus. He is old and his damned mother is still living. None of the other candidates are traveling with their mothers, but Bill Clinton is traveling with several MILFs. Contrary to what the news says, Miami Heat center Shaquille O’Neil hasn’t been traded to the Phoenix Suns. He’s actually been traded to the sun. In exchange, the earth will receive two moons and a dwarf star to be named later. Britney Spears was released from the hospital psychiatric ward. Authorities are warning all citizens in Los Angeles to remain in their homes. Also on Tuesday it was Mardi Gras, and almost every other Guest at Disney wore from Louisiana. I don't know why they bother
having the parade in New Orleans, everyone comes down here. I got tired of seeing so
many people wearing purple, green and yellow, and their stupid hats and masks. And
why do they insist on keep trying to give me those beads? I do not want to wear any
plastic beads! For those of you that don't know, Mardi Gras means no restrictions. Fat Tuesday is the one day of the year you can eat whatever you want, drink whatever you want, shag whomever you want. Basically for a night, you’re a member of Guns & Roses. How about that Mitt Romney dropping out? He looks like the guy that would approve your check at a supermarket. He looks like the piano player in an upscale department store. He looks like a guy who winks when he shakes your hand.
He looks like the guy who is married to an over-the-hill actress. So, last Sunday my New York Giants won the Super Bowl! At the end of the game I was hyper-ventiating. I rushed upstairs to the computer and ordered the championship package of t-shirt, cap and DVD. Eli is the Manning. What a bunch of losers the Patriots are. What a bunch of losers. Bunchen won't run naked, Tom Brady and Randy Moss won't be at the Pro Bowl, Belichick is actually thinking of using his Unabomber disguise to bomb the front offices of the opposing teams next year. How the mighty have fallen. They should have taken the L during week 1 instead of saving it for the Super Bowl. Oh, to all you Chinese who read this: Happy Chinese (lunar) New Year! Who's winning Chinese Rose Bowl; Shanghai State or Guangzhao Tech? Gosh, I'm still writing checks "Year of the Boar".
THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Groveland, Florida, is is tonight's top ten list.
Top Ten Signs Rambo Is Too Old
10. Secret mission: to bring back cheap prescription drugs from Canada
9. Used to break necks -- now he just breaks wind
8. Removes dentures when things look like they might get rough
7. Instead of dog tags now wears Life-Alert around his neck
6. The "old guy smell" is now considered one of his weapons
5. Now only sets booby-traps to keep kids off his lawn
4. Instead of killing people, lectures them on the dangers of running with scissors
3. Lately he's been shooting blanks -- if you know what I mean
2. Newest enemy? An enlarged prostate
And the number one sgin that Rambo is getting too old
1. Would rather be gardening
FEBRUARY 7TH IN HISTORY
1812
New Madrid earthquake shakes Missouri with an estimated magnitude of 8.2, as strong as any in the West. The quake destroys 150,000 acres of forest, and would have caused massive damage had it occurred in modern times.
1845
A drunken visitor to the British Museum smashes the irreplaceable Portland Vase into over 200 pieces. The elaborate glass amphora was created when Augustus was Caesar and is about ten inches high. It takes months to repair.
1968
"It became necessary to destroy the town to save it." -- U.S. Army Major, regarding the village of Ben Tre, Vietnam, in an AP dispatch.
1969
Beatle George Harrisonhas his tonsils removed. He had them destroyed to prevent them from falling into the wrong hands.
1989
Washed up tennis player Bjorn Borg has his stomach pumped after he overdoses on sleeping pills in Madrid, Spain.
1991
Mortar rounds are fired by the IRA at No. 10 Downing Street, the residence of British Prime Minister John Major. No injuries resulted but the door was severely dented.
2000
Lonesome Dave Peverett, lead singer of the band Foghat, dies from complication of cancer.
R.I.P.
Earl Butz: All he was looking for in life was a cushy Cabinet post, a repugnant sense of humor, and a warm mouth to put his foot into.
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi: He was smarter than the average con man.
FLORIDA: AMERICA'S WANG
Five young men are dead after apparently speeding on an airplane runway at the exclusive “fly-in” community of Jumbolair Aviation Estates, now most famously the home of John Travolta, officials said. The crash happened this morning at about 3:45 a.m. According to a preliminary Florida Highway Patrol investigation, a 2008 gray BMW with 5 occupants, ages 18 to 20, was traveling at a high rate of speed on the airstrip. As it neared the end of the runway, the car traveled off the end of an 85-foot high embankment, became airborne for 200 feet and struck a large tree. At impact, the vehicle split in half and the car’s engine separated from the vehicle, scattering pieces of the car over about a 200 square foot area. Three of the five occupants were ejected from the vehicle and all were pronounced dead at the scene, according to Florida Highway Patorl spokesman Lt. Mike Burroughs said. “It’s too early in the investigation to determine a speed and also to determine whether seat belts were in use at the time of the crash,” Burroughs said. Two of the five men were from Ocala, two were from Fairfield and one was from Anthony, but it was not clear if any of the men lived within the gated community. Officials were in the process of notifying next of kin. Investigators did not know at this time whether the vehicle was speeding or racing another car. Only in Florida do they think cars can fly.
DAD
On our Foghat Myspace page at Myspace.com/foghatmusic we asked people to send in tributes to dad. So, starting this entry, on the anniversary of his death, I will post some tributes here.
Listening to Foghat brings back some of my fondest childhood memories. Whenever I reminisce about the seventies, it's always summertime, my babysitter is dolling herself up for a rock concert and Foghat is most certainly part of my mental soundtrack. I regret never having been able to attend a Foghat concert in their hey-day, but I can't be entirely to blame, seeing that my "Driving Wheel" at the time was still a Big Wheel! I do recall peeking through the crack of my bedroom doorway while my parents spun LPs during numerous house parties and rocking along to "Stone Blue" and "Fool For The City" in the back seat of my mom's gold metallic Vega. By the time I was old enough to venture off on my own, times had changed and so had the music, and in my opinion, not for the better. I currently find myself spending most of my Sunday afternoons in a used record store called Discovery flipping through albums and digging into piles of eight-track tapes, and yes, I still have the same eight-track tape deck my parents gave me on my seventh birthday! Now writing songs and fronting my own band, I draw major influence from a long list of seventies rockers, and Lonesome Dave Peverett is way up on that list. His songs, his style, his showmanship, and most of all his amazing voice are all things that I strive to achieve for myself. I even borrowed the title "Lonesome" when I first took the stage as a front man. Though as hard as I try, I may never reach his capabilities but I'm ok with that because he set a bar so high that not many can or ever will. When I listen to the record Foghat LIVE it literally sends chills up my spine when Dave introduces "Slow Ride". The power and conviction in his vocals are so raw, so pure, that you can hear his soul reaching out to you, giving you all the security one would ever need to stand up, let loose and join in on the festivities of the rock 'n roll party! The most unique thing that I've noticed about Foghat is that even though they're British musicians, they pretty much epitomized what a great American rock band should sound like. God bless Lonesome Dave, he taught us all how to get up and boogie, and as long as we continue to do so, his spirit will live on forever. I'msure I'm not alone when I say that the rock world misses him deeply. -Sammy Miami
DOCTOR WHO
In the No Duh News category, Sci Fi Channel has reported that they've acquired the fourth series (or season) of "Doctor Who" for air beginning in April. What's great additional news is that they've also picked up "The Sarah Jane Adventures" as well. The latter series focuses on Elisabeth Sladen's Sarah Jane, one of the most popular and famous "companions" in Who History, as she battles to keep Britain and the world save from alien encounters and invasions. Sarah Jane is aided by a small group of children in her quest. The good Doctor, still played by David Tennant for now, is joined this season by Donna Noble (Catherine Tate reprising her role from "The Runaway Bride" Christmas Special). I have to say, this casting I find odd as Noble was a bitch and from what I've seen in promos for future installments, continues to be a bitch. In fact, the character had no redeemable or like-able qualities. Maybe, after losing both Rose (Billie Piper) and Martha (Freema Agyeman) whom he actually liked, the Doctor is feeling a bit masochistic. Thank god Martha is coming back mid-season (and rumors have it Rose may be back too in some capacity). And in the meantime, Martha will be making a limited run appearance on the second season of "Torchwood" currently airing stateside on BBC America. If you're a fan of Who and you're not watching "Torchwood" then now may be the time to start. You've already seen "Torchwood's" fearless, immortal leader Captain Jack Harkness (John Barrowman) on various Who episodes, so you're practically family!
GEEK TALK
When Venom was finally revealed back in 2006, there were some apprehensions, but for the most part, anticipation was huge for the third Spider-Man movie. Then it came out, and even the die-hard fans seemed to be at least somewhat disappointed. What really sucks in these situations is when over-all disappointment tarnishes good bits. I imagine that Marvel is thinking the same thing. According to IESB, Eddie Brock and Venom are going to get their own film. The site says that since the rights to Venom have reverted back to Marvel (New Line had 'em), they are meeting up with a number of "A-list writers" to work on a spin-off film. (They're not sure on how Sony fits into all of this.) IESB says: "We have to assume that since there is movement, and there has been recent meetings with writers, this property must belong to Marvel since they have made an interim agreement with the WGA." It's not every day that we get the possibility of an evil spin-off. This could be cool, although a bit tricky with the whole Spider-Man part of it (even without the webbed hero as a star, the symbiote grabbed Parker first). But that's just me... What do you think?
MOVIE BUZZ
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
A picture has leaked out of the actual crystal skull, and it does look strangely extraterrestrial. But does Indy really have to travel all over the world to find this plastic-y looking thing? He could probably just get one out of a Cracker Jack box.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
It seems the main feature of the new, extra dirty red-band trailer for this Judd Apatow-produced comedy is Jason Segel's bare butt. Looks like Will Ferrell is gonna have some serious competition in the "getting naked for a laugh" department.
The Happening
In the first trailer for M. Night Shyamalan's latest horror flick, an epidemic of suicides has Mark Wahlberg leaving NYC for the countryside. Smart move. There's a lot less ways for him to try to kill himself out there. What's he gonna do? Smother himself with cow manure?
Iron Man
It seems that most people who watched the cool trailer that ran during the Super Bowl were turned on by Robert Downey Jr. pulling on his iron pants. Frankly, I was more turned on by the snippet of Gwyneth Paltrow not wearing any.
Where in the World Is Osama Bin Laden?
In the trailer, director Morgan Spurlock has such a tough time locating the terrorist mastermind, he can't even get the guy's uncle to give him up for the $25 mil bounty. Yikes, $25 mil! I've got any number of family members I'd give up for half that.
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes is going to remake the horror classic, although original Freddy Robert Englund says he probably won't be asked to return since he's too old. Maybe Johnny Depp could whip out his old Edward Scissorhands outfit.
Flawless
Michael Caine plots to steal a fortune in diamonds in the trailer with the help of his accomplice Demi Moore, who sports one of the worst phony English accents I've ever heard. She should have asked Madonna for some tips.
The Wolf Man
The bloggers screamed bloody murder when it was rumored that Brett Ratner was the top choice as director, so Universal went and hired Jurassic Park III's Joe Johnston instead. How come the web can keep Ratner from working, but Uwe Boll never seems to have any problem?
Final Destination 4
The film's opening near-death experience will take place at a race track with vehicles crashing into the spectator stands. That sounds scary but not nearly as intense as my own near-death experience riding the bumper cars as a kid.
Henson
A biopic of Jim Henson is in the works. The twist is that all the humans are going to be played by Muppets, while all the Muppets will be real animals that will put their paws up the people's backsides just to see how they like it.
There you go, another entry of the Phile. Not much is happening this weekend, but next week is my nephew Randy's wedding, and in a few weeks is Megacon. Check out the Phile's Myspace page (Myspace.com/peverettphile) as I posted some new pics and the Myspace.com/foghatmusic site. Also, I still want to hit 4000 views by Easter. We have over 3700 now, but we have a lot more to go. Spread the word, not the turd.
having the parade in New Orleans, everyone comes down here. I got tired of seeing so
many people wearing purple, green and yellow, and their stupid hats and masks. And
why do they insist on keep trying to give me those beads? I do not want to wear any
plastic beads! For those of you that don't know, Mardi Gras means no restrictions. Fat Tuesday is the one day of the year you can eat whatever you want, drink whatever you want, shag whomever you want. Basically for a night, you’re a member of Guns & Roses. How about that Mitt Romney dropping out? He looks like the guy that would approve your check at a supermarket. He looks like the piano player in an upscale department store. He looks like a guy who winks when he shakes your hand.
He looks like the guy who is married to an over-the-hill actress. So, last Sunday my New York Giants won the Super Bowl! At the end of the game I was hyper-ventiating. I rushed upstairs to the computer and ordered the championship package of t-shirt, cap and DVD. Eli is the Manning. What a bunch of losers the Patriots are. What a bunch of losers. Bunchen won't run naked, Tom Brady and Randy Moss won't be at the Pro Bowl, Belichick is actually thinking of using his Unabomber disguise to bomb the front offices of the opposing teams next year. How the mighty have fallen. They should have taken the L during week 1 instead of saving it for the Super Bowl. Oh, to all you Chinese who read this: Happy Chinese (lunar) New Year! Who's winning Chinese Rose Bowl; Shanghai State or Guangzhao Tech? Gosh, I'm still writing checks "Year of the Boar".
THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Groveland, Florida, is is tonight's top ten list.
Top Ten Signs Rambo Is Too Old
10. Secret mission: to bring back cheap prescription drugs from Canada
9. Used to break necks -- now he just breaks wind
8. Removes dentures when things look like they might get rough
7. Instead of dog tags now wears Life-Alert around his neck
6. The "old guy smell" is now considered one of his weapons
5. Now only sets booby-traps to keep kids off his lawn
4. Instead of killing people, lectures them on the dangers of running with scissors
3. Lately he's been shooting blanks -- if you know what I mean
2. Newest enemy? An enlarged prostate
And the number one sgin that Rambo is getting too old
1. Would rather be gardening
FEBRUARY 7TH IN HISTORY
1812
New Madrid earthquake shakes Missouri with an estimated magnitude of 8.2, as strong as any in the West. The quake destroys 150,000 acres of forest, and would have caused massive damage had it occurred in modern times.
1845
A drunken visitor to the British Museum smashes the irreplaceable Portland Vase into over 200 pieces. The elaborate glass amphora was created when Augustus was Caesar and is about ten inches high. It takes months to repair.
1968
"It became necessary to destroy the town to save it." -- U.S. Army Major, regarding the village of Ben Tre, Vietnam, in an AP dispatch.
1969
Beatle George Harrisonhas his tonsils removed. He had them destroyed to prevent them from falling into the wrong hands.
1989
Washed up tennis player Bjorn Borg has his stomach pumped after he overdoses on sleeping pills in Madrid, Spain.
1991
Mortar rounds are fired by the IRA at No. 10 Downing Street, the residence of British Prime Minister John Major. No injuries resulted but the door was severely dented.
2000
Lonesome Dave Peverett, lead singer of the band Foghat, dies from complication of cancer.
R.I.P.
Earl Butz: All he was looking for in life was a cushy Cabinet post, a repugnant sense of humor, and a warm mouth to put his foot into.
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi: He was smarter than the average con man.
FLORIDA: AMERICA'S WANG
Five young men are dead after apparently speeding on an airplane runway at the exclusive “fly-in” community of Jumbolair Aviation Estates, now most famously the home of John Travolta, officials said. The crash happened this morning at about 3:45 a.m. According to a preliminary Florida Highway Patrol investigation, a 2008 gray BMW with 5 occupants, ages 18 to 20, was traveling at a high rate of speed on the airstrip. As it neared the end of the runway, the car traveled off the end of an 85-foot high embankment, became airborne for 200 feet and struck a large tree. At impact, the vehicle split in half and the car’s engine separated from the vehicle, scattering pieces of the car over about a 200 square foot area. Three of the five occupants were ejected from the vehicle and all were pronounced dead at the scene, according to Florida Highway Patorl spokesman Lt. Mike Burroughs said. “It’s too early in the investigation to determine a speed and also to determine whether seat belts were in use at the time of the crash,” Burroughs said. Two of the five men were from Ocala, two were from Fairfield and one was from Anthony, but it was not clear if any of the men lived within the gated community. Officials were in the process of notifying next of kin. Investigators did not know at this time whether the vehicle was speeding or racing another car. Only in Florida do they think cars can fly.
DAD
On our Foghat Myspace page at Myspace.com/foghatmusic we asked people to send in tributes to dad. So, starting this entry, on the anniversary of his death, I will post some tributes here.
Listening to Foghat brings back some of my fondest childhood memories. Whenever I reminisce about the seventies, it's always summertime, my babysitter is dolling herself up for a rock concert and Foghat is most certainly part of my mental soundtrack. I regret never having been able to attend a Foghat concert in their hey-day, but I can't be entirely to blame, seeing that my "Driving Wheel" at the time was still a Big Wheel! I do recall peeking through the crack of my bedroom doorway while my parents spun LPs during numerous house parties and rocking along to "Stone Blue" and "Fool For The City" in the back seat of my mom's gold metallic Vega. By the time I was old enough to venture off on my own, times had changed and so had the music, and in my opinion, not for the better. I currently find myself spending most of my Sunday afternoons in a used record store called Discovery flipping through albums and digging into piles of eight-track tapes, and yes, I still have the same eight-track tape deck my parents gave me on my seventh birthday! Now writing songs and fronting my own band, I draw major influence from a long list of seventies rockers, and Lonesome Dave Peverett is way up on that list. His songs, his style, his showmanship, and most of all his amazing voice are all things that I strive to achieve for myself. I even borrowed the title "Lonesome" when I first took the stage as a front man. Though as hard as I try, I may never reach his capabilities but I'm ok with that because he set a bar so high that not many can or ever will. When I listen to the record Foghat LIVE it literally sends chills up my spine when Dave introduces "Slow Ride". The power and conviction in his vocals are so raw, so pure, that you can hear his soul reaching out to you, giving you all the security one would ever need to stand up, let loose and join in on the festivities of the rock 'n roll party! The most unique thing that I've noticed about Foghat is that even though they're British musicians, they pretty much epitomized what a great American rock band should sound like. God bless Lonesome Dave, he taught us all how to get up and boogie, and as long as we continue to do so, his spirit will live on forever. I'msure I'm not alone when I say that the rock world misses him deeply. -Sammy Miami
DOCTOR WHO
In the No Duh News category, Sci Fi Channel has reported that they've acquired the fourth series (or season) of "Doctor Who" for air beginning in April. What's great additional news is that they've also picked up "The Sarah Jane Adventures" as well. The latter series focuses on Elisabeth Sladen's Sarah Jane, one of the most popular and famous "companions" in Who History, as she battles to keep Britain and the world save from alien encounters and invasions. Sarah Jane is aided by a small group of children in her quest. The good Doctor, still played by David Tennant for now, is joined this season by Donna Noble (Catherine Tate reprising her role from "The Runaway Bride" Christmas Special). I have to say, this casting I find odd as Noble was a bitch and from what I've seen in promos for future installments, continues to be a bitch. In fact, the character had no redeemable or like-able qualities. Maybe, after losing both Rose (Billie Piper) and Martha (Freema Agyeman) whom he actually liked, the Doctor is feeling a bit masochistic. Thank god Martha is coming back mid-season (and rumors have it Rose may be back too in some capacity). And in the meantime, Martha will be making a limited run appearance on the second season of "Torchwood" currently airing stateside on BBC America. If you're a fan of Who and you're not watching "Torchwood" then now may be the time to start. You've already seen "Torchwood's" fearless, immortal leader Captain Jack Harkness (John Barrowman) on various Who episodes, so you're practically family!
GEEK TALK
When Venom was finally revealed back in 2006, there were some apprehensions, but for the most part, anticipation was huge for the third Spider-Man movie. Then it came out, and even the die-hard fans seemed to be at least somewhat disappointed. What really sucks in these situations is when over-all disappointment tarnishes good bits. I imagine that Marvel is thinking the same thing. According to IESB, Eddie Brock and Venom are going to get their own film. The site says that since the rights to Venom have reverted back to Marvel (New Line had 'em), they are meeting up with a number of "A-list writers" to work on a spin-off film. (They're not sure on how Sony fits into all of this.) IESB says: "We have to assume that since there is movement, and there has been recent meetings with writers, this property must belong to Marvel since they have made an interim agreement with the WGA." It's not every day that we get the possibility of an evil spin-off. This could be cool, although a bit tricky with the whole Spider-Man part of it (even without the webbed hero as a star, the symbiote grabbed Parker first). But that's just me... What do you think?
MOVIE BUZZ
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
A picture has leaked out of the actual crystal skull, and it does look strangely extraterrestrial. But does Indy really have to travel all over the world to find this plastic-y looking thing? He could probably just get one out of a Cracker Jack box.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
It seems the main feature of the new, extra dirty red-band trailer for this Judd Apatow-produced comedy is Jason Segel's bare butt. Looks like Will Ferrell is gonna have some serious competition in the "getting naked for a laugh" department.
The Happening
In the first trailer for M. Night Shyamalan's latest horror flick, an epidemic of suicides has Mark Wahlberg leaving NYC for the countryside. Smart move. There's a lot less ways for him to try to kill himself out there. What's he gonna do? Smother himself with cow manure?
Iron Man
It seems that most people who watched the cool trailer that ran during the Super Bowl were turned on by Robert Downey Jr. pulling on his iron pants. Frankly, I was more turned on by the snippet of Gwyneth Paltrow not wearing any.
Where in the World Is Osama Bin Laden?
In the trailer, director Morgan Spurlock has such a tough time locating the terrorist mastermind, he can't even get the guy's uncle to give him up for the $25 mil bounty. Yikes, $25 mil! I've got any number of family members I'd give up for half that.
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes is going to remake the horror classic, although original Freddy Robert Englund says he probably won't be asked to return since he's too old. Maybe Johnny Depp could whip out his old Edward Scissorhands outfit.
Flawless
Michael Caine plots to steal a fortune in diamonds in the trailer with the help of his accomplice Demi Moore, who sports one of the worst phony English accents I've ever heard. She should have asked Madonna for some tips.
The Wolf Man
The bloggers screamed bloody murder when it was rumored that Brett Ratner was the top choice as director, so Universal went and hired Jurassic Park III's Joe Johnston instead. How come the web can keep Ratner from working, but Uwe Boll never seems to have any problem?
Final Destination 4
The film's opening near-death experience will take place at a race track with vehicles crashing into the spectator stands. That sounds scary but not nearly as intense as my own near-death experience riding the bumper cars as a kid.
Henson
A biopic of Jim Henson is in the works. The twist is that all the humans are going to be played by Muppets, while all the Muppets will be real animals that will put their paws up the people's backsides just to see how they like it.
There you go, another entry of the Phile. Not much is happening this weekend, but next week is my nephew Randy's wedding, and in a few weeks is Megacon. Check out the Phile's Myspace page (Myspace.com/peverettphile) as I posted some new pics and the Myspace.com/foghatmusic site. Also, I still want to hit 4000 views by Easter. We have over 3700 now, but we have a lot more to go. Spread the word, not the turd.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
I'll Bet You'll Vote Next Time Hippie
Hey there, welcome to the Peverett, he web's most updated blog. Tuesday here in Florida, they had the primary . . . Rudy Giuliani came in third. Third place. Tough night. During his speech, that actress Sean Young started yelling, “Get on with it! Get on with it!” John Edwards dropped out of the race. He says he wants to spend more time with his haircut. It was my wife's birthday as well on Tuesday and she went out and voted. I
don't know who she voted for, but if Keith Urban was running... John McCain did very well yesterday — winning in Florida. Who says there’s no country for old men?
Mitt Romney has plans to stop McCain’s momentum. He’s going to take the tennis balls off of McCain’s walker. President Bush gave his State of Union address earlier this week. Wasn’t it great? I found it very moving, so inspiring, so . . . no one watched it? I didn’t watch it either. This is the last time Bush with give this speech. It was like a farewell, special edition of “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader.” I’m getting cocky for someone who is not yet a citizen. Aren’t I? Happy news from Hollywood. Angelina Jolie is pregnant. And, insiders believe, as soon as the child is born, she plans to adopt it. Today Britney Spears was taken back to the hospital. If she keeps this up, she would almost beat me in hospital visits. Scientists say a satellite will come crashing down to earth. It weighs 200 tons, full of gas. Oh, wait a minute, that's just
my stomach.
THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Groveland, Florida... that's not ripping Letterman off, is it? This week's top ten list is
Top Ten Least Popular "Bucket List" Items
10. Party with those babes from "The Golden Girls"
9. Join the "Mile High Club" by myself
8. Attend Magic fantasy camp
7. Beat a paternity test on an episode of "Maury"
6. Determine which is Siegfried and which is Roy
5. Brunch with Regis
4. Share a burger with Hasselhoff
3. Fried rat -- sorry, that's the least popular KFC Bucket item
2. Take a dead dude to the bank to cash his check
And the number one least popular 'bucket list' item...
1. Purchase a bucket
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: What did one vampire lesbian say to the other? A: "Same time next month?"
Q: What do you call a masterbating cow? A: Beef stroganoff.
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? A: His wife died.
Q: How many Spaniards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Juan.
THE WORST CHOICES FOR SUPER BOWL HALF TIME SHOWS
Sting Super Bowl XXXVII, 2003 Buccaneers Vs. Raiders
The only thing that gets fans less fired up than watching a 125-pound British guy sing about fields of gold is watching a 125-pound British guy with one name sing about fields of gold. That, and "Roxanne."
Phil Collins Super Bowl XXXIV, 2000 Rams Vs. Titans
Hey, he's the guy who brought us soft-pop shitbombs like 'Sussudio' and recently penned the soundtrack to the decade's most mind-numbingly stupid children's film, Brother Bear, right?
John Goodman Super Bowl XXXI, 1997 Packers Vs. Patriots
Goodman performed as part of the new Blues Brothers, an outfit that specialized in pissing on the grave of the late, beloved John Belushi. If there's one thing those slobs don't like, it's Dan from Rosanne dishonoring Bluto from Animal House. But you can never accuse the halftime promoters of doing anything half way. They also got professional-Belushi-legacy-ruiner Jim Belushi in on the performance. Not only was this one of the worst Super Bowl halftime shows, it may have been the worst musical performance ever.
Enrique Iglesias Super Bowl XXXIV, 2000 Rams vs. Titans
Heterosexual men hate Enrique Iglesias with a ferocity that is actually visible if the weather is cold enough. Not only does he make women everywhere slip off their chairs by passing within a one-mile radius of a television camera, he flaunted his power by making out with whomever the most sexually repressed men were jacking off to that month. While Snopes claims that the statistic about the Super Bowl being a second Christmas for wife beaters isn't true, we wouldn't be surprised if it was true for this particular one.
Diana Ross Super Bowl XXX, 1996 Cowboys Vs.Steelers
If there's one thing that people from Dallas and Pittsburgh have in common, it's that they'd rather get shot in the kneecap with a crossbow than listen to "Endless Love" between halves.
New Kids on the Block Super Bowl XXV, 1991 Giants Vs. Bills
You can figure out why the New Kids were a bad match for the gridiron. What's amazing is that the people who scheduled the damn show knew it was a bad idea, too. CBS didn't even show the halftime show that year, opting instead to air an edited-down version after the broadcast. Instead they showed news about the first war in Iraq. Take a moment to let that sink in. These days, the News doesn't even show news about the war in Iraq. It's admirable and all, but so are a lot of things that will get you fired so quickly you'll leave behind a hat spinning in midair. This marked the beginning of the, "Honestly we stopped giving a fuck" era of halftime show programming.
*N'SYNC Super Bowl XXXV, 2001 Giants Vs. Ravens
If there's one thing a guy from Baltimore can't stand, it's a teenager with frosted tips and a denim vest who makes more money in one day than his entire union has in its pension fund. The show did manage some excitement: *N'SYNC started the show by sprinting out of the tunnel, looking over their shoulders like they were being chased. For that brief, glorious moment, football fans were free to imagine that Tony Siragusa had caught the unmistakable scent of Axe body spray, and was going to burst out of the tunnel, run them down at the 20 yard line and eat them alive on national television. Instead, a gaggle of screaming teenage girls came running after them. I'm not sure what happened next because I lost consciousness.
Gloria Estefan Super Bowl XXVI, 1992 Redskins Vs. Bills
Gloria Estefan is what you would get if the Taco Bell chihuahua impregnated Celine Dion. This halftime show was so bad that it was nearly beat in the ratings by a live episode of "In Living Color". The next year the NFL spent millions of dollars to get Michael Jackson to perform, vowing to never again stake their claim on a washed-up soft-rock has-been like Estefan.
Gloria Estefan, again Super Bowl XXXIII, 1999 Broncos Vs. Falcons
The above scenario is really the only explanation I could come up with.
JANUARY 31ST IN HISTORY
1945
Private Eddie Slovik is the first U.S. soldier to be shot for desertion since the Civil War.
1950
President Truman gives the go-ahead for the development of Edward Teller's hydrogen bomb.
1961
The United States sends its first space monkey into space, Ham the chimpanzee. His Mercury/Redstone 2 achieves an altitude of 158 miles.
1974
Ted Bundy commits what is sometimes regarded as his first murder, Lynda Ann Healy, a 21 year old senior at the University of Washington. Her skull is not found until a year later. By the time he was executed, Bundy had committed nearly 30 murders, mostly women with dark long hair. It is believed that he may have murdered as early as 1961, when he was 15, but proof is at best circumstantial.
1989
Copies of the March Playboy with LaToya Jackson posing with... snakes! hit the newsstands. She also has a snake tattoo. Face it, the lady really really likes snakes.
R.I.P.
Christian Brando: Thrown to the lions.
Suharto: He knew first-hand what the rest of us learned from Johnny Cash — it's tough being a boy named Suharto.
Jeremy Beadle: John, George, and now Jeremy. So sad.
GEEK TALK
Looks like J.J. Abrams does plan to go all "Wonder Years" for his Star Trek flick! Coming Soon reports that 11-year-old (about to be 12) Jimmy Bennett has landed a role as Young Kirk in Abrams' upcoming Star Trek film, due out at Christmas. Bennett has played a little kid in films like Hostage, Firewall, Poseidon and Evan Almighty. A young Spock will also be featured, leading this writer to believe both characters will appear in the film and talk about how much they "like, like" Winnie Cooper. Fingers crossed. The Hollywood Reporter has confirmed (what was already previously reported) that New Line is in talks with Platinum Dunes to re-launch the franchise that helped secure their name as one of the big players in town, A Nightmare on Elm Street. Dunes partners Michael Bay, Brad Fuller and Andrew Form will produce, and a writer will be hired once the strike comes to an end. Since it's a full-out re-do, expect Robert Englund to not play Freddy Krueger, though we imagine he'll still have a role in the film (perhaps as part of Freddy's family). God bless the guy they get to fill his shoes; he'll have to convince tons of hardcore fans that he's the real deal. Dunes and New Line are also prepping a re-launch of the Friday the 13th franchise, with Marcus Nispel directing. And finally, though it's not really a fanboy film (but I needed one more thing to throw in here, so cut me some slack), Moviehole reports that director Phillip Noyce has officially dropped out of that planned Amelia Earhart biopic starring Hilary Swank. MH spoke with Noyce, who gave the following reason for his departure: "I had worked on Amelia for 5 months from July to end of December 2007, finding all the locations and extensively storyboarding the flying sequences - When it didn't appear that the film was going ahead, I had to make a painful decision to move on and returned to a project that had long fascinated me... Mary Queen of Scots. Scarlett Johansson will play Mary in a film to be shot on location in Scotland, England and Ireland during 2008." Apparently Swank is still attached to the film, which we all thought was moving ahead as planned (script issues, maybe), so I'll keep you updated and let you know what happens.
MOVIE BUZZ
Rambo 5
Producer Harvey Weinstein says he wants Sly to make another sequel immediately because he loves the idea of an "older guy kicking ass." It will find Our Hero in a nursing home, taking on a gang of teenage punks who are stealing the senior citizens' gruel.
Quantum of Solace
The neat behind-the-scenes video shows 007 Daniel Craig swinging from a rope at a construction site. If that guy ever wants to tackle another franchise, he's definitely a lock for Tarzan.
The Hobbit
Guillermo del Toro is officially in talks to helm the back-to-back LOTR prequels, even though he's stated that he also really wants to direct the final Harry Potter. They should just combine the two franchises. Gandalf could take over Hogwart's from dead Dumbledore. Who could tell the difference, anyway?
Marvel Zombies
The comic-book company is going to produce a direct-to-DVD 'toon in which their biggest heroes, such as Spider-Man and the Hulk, turn into the flesh-eating undead. Hmmm. I wonder if the Hulk's green skin tastes minty?
Yes Man
Check out thee crazy pictures of Jim Carrey bungee jumping. If he keeps insisting on doing all his own stunts, he's going to be harder to insure for a movie than Lindsay Lohan.
Shutter
In the trailer for this Americanized remake of a Hong Kong horror flick, Joshua Jackson starts seeing ghosts in the photos he takes. Man, and I thought I had a problem with the dang red eye in all of my photos.
Hell Ride
Quentin Tarantino's latest producing effort, a grindhouse style flick about a biker gang, has been getting uniformly bad reviews at the Sundance Film Festival, and the video of Q.T. attacking a paparazzi outside of a Starbucks. Actually, he was just pissed off about getting caught drinking a wussy drink like a nonfat latte.
Burn After Reading
The first official promo picture from Joel and Ethan Coen's upcoming comedy shows star George Clooney enjoying himself in a movie theater. The way he's cackling like a madman, they must be showing his ER haircut reel.
Well, there you go, phans. The Super Bowl is this Sunday, which I will be watching and praying that the Giants win. I had such a great time at the FX Show last week (you can read my review of it on the Peverett Phile Myspace page) that I am excited about Magacon on the second weekend of March (the same weekend as the Diney Bowl-A-Thon I'll be taking part in). I want to hit 4000 views by Easter at the end of March, so let everybody know to read the Phile, and I am planning on getting my next tattoo by Valentine's Day. What else? Oh, check out the Foghat.com site as well as Myspace.com/foghatmusic when you get a chance. Until next time, have a good week, and spread the word not the turd. Peace!
don't know who she voted for, but if Keith Urban was running... John McCain did very well yesterday — winning in Florida. Who says there’s no country for old men?
Mitt Romney has plans to stop McCain’s momentum. He’s going to take the tennis balls off of McCain’s walker. President Bush gave his State of Union address earlier this week. Wasn’t it great? I found it very moving, so inspiring, so . . . no one watched it? I didn’t watch it either. This is the last time Bush with give this speech. It was like a farewell, special edition of “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader.” I’m getting cocky for someone who is not yet a citizen. Aren’t I? Happy news from Hollywood. Angelina Jolie is pregnant. And, insiders believe, as soon as the child is born, she plans to adopt it. Today Britney Spears was taken back to the hospital. If she keeps this up, she would almost beat me in hospital visits. Scientists say a satellite will come crashing down to earth. It weighs 200 tons, full of gas. Oh, wait a minute, that's just
my stomach.
THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Groveland, Florida... that's not ripping Letterman off, is it? This week's top ten list is
Top Ten Least Popular "Bucket List" Items
10. Party with those babes from "The Golden Girls"
9. Join the "Mile High Club" by myself
8. Attend Magic fantasy camp
7. Beat a paternity test on an episode of "Maury"
6. Determine which is Siegfried and which is Roy
5. Brunch with Regis
4. Share a burger with Hasselhoff
3. Fried rat -- sorry, that's the least popular KFC Bucket item
2. Take a dead dude to the bank to cash his check
And the number one least popular 'bucket list' item...
1. Purchase a bucket
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: What did one vampire lesbian say to the other? A: "Same time next month?"
Q: What do you call a masterbating cow? A: Beef stroganoff.
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? A: His wife died.
Q: How many Spaniards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Juan.
THE WORST CHOICES FOR SUPER BOWL HALF TIME SHOWS
Sting Super Bowl XXXVII, 2003 Buccaneers Vs. Raiders
The only thing that gets fans less fired up than watching a 125-pound British guy sing about fields of gold is watching a 125-pound British guy with one name sing about fields of gold. That, and "Roxanne."
Phil Collins Super Bowl XXXIV, 2000 Rams Vs. Titans
Hey, he's the guy who brought us soft-pop shitbombs like 'Sussudio' and recently penned the soundtrack to the decade's most mind-numbingly stupid children's film, Brother Bear, right?
John Goodman Super Bowl XXXI, 1997 Packers Vs. Patriots
Goodman performed as part of the new Blues Brothers, an outfit that specialized in pissing on the grave of the late, beloved John Belushi. If there's one thing those slobs don't like, it's Dan from Rosanne dishonoring Bluto from Animal House. But you can never accuse the halftime promoters of doing anything half way. They also got professional-Belushi-legacy-ruiner Jim Belushi in on the performance. Not only was this one of the worst Super Bowl halftime shows, it may have been the worst musical performance ever.
Enrique Iglesias Super Bowl XXXIV, 2000 Rams vs. Titans
Heterosexual men hate Enrique Iglesias with a ferocity that is actually visible if the weather is cold enough. Not only does he make women everywhere slip off their chairs by passing within a one-mile radius of a television camera, he flaunted his power by making out with whomever the most sexually repressed men were jacking off to that month. While Snopes claims that the statistic about the Super Bowl being a second Christmas for wife beaters isn't true, we wouldn't be surprised if it was true for this particular one.
Diana Ross Super Bowl XXX, 1996 Cowboys Vs.Steelers
If there's one thing that people from Dallas and Pittsburgh have in common, it's that they'd rather get shot in the kneecap with a crossbow than listen to "Endless Love" between halves.
New Kids on the Block Super Bowl XXV, 1991 Giants Vs. Bills
You can figure out why the New Kids were a bad match for the gridiron. What's amazing is that the people who scheduled the damn show knew it was a bad idea, too. CBS didn't even show the halftime show that year, opting instead to air an edited-down version after the broadcast. Instead they showed news about the first war in Iraq. Take a moment to let that sink in. These days, the News doesn't even show news about the war in Iraq. It's admirable and all, but so are a lot of things that will get you fired so quickly you'll leave behind a hat spinning in midair. This marked the beginning of the, "Honestly we stopped giving a fuck" era of halftime show programming.
*N'SYNC Super Bowl XXXV, 2001 Giants Vs. Ravens
If there's one thing a guy from Baltimore can't stand, it's a teenager with frosted tips and a denim vest who makes more money in one day than his entire union has in its pension fund. The show did manage some excitement: *N'SYNC started the show by sprinting out of the tunnel, looking over their shoulders like they were being chased. For that brief, glorious moment, football fans were free to imagine that Tony Siragusa had caught the unmistakable scent of Axe body spray, and was going to burst out of the tunnel, run them down at the 20 yard line and eat them alive on national television. Instead, a gaggle of screaming teenage girls came running after them. I'm not sure what happened next because I lost consciousness.
Gloria Estefan Super Bowl XXVI, 1992 Redskins Vs. Bills
Gloria Estefan is what you would get if the Taco Bell chihuahua impregnated Celine Dion. This halftime show was so bad that it was nearly beat in the ratings by a live episode of "In Living Color". The next year the NFL spent millions of dollars to get Michael Jackson to perform, vowing to never again stake their claim on a washed-up soft-rock has-been like Estefan.
Gloria Estefan, again Super Bowl XXXIII, 1999 Broncos Vs. Falcons
The above scenario is really the only explanation I could come up with.
JANUARY 31ST IN HISTORY
1945
Private Eddie Slovik is the first U.S. soldier to be shot for desertion since the Civil War.
1950
President Truman gives the go-ahead for the development of Edward Teller's hydrogen bomb.
1961
The United States sends its first space monkey into space, Ham the chimpanzee. His Mercury/Redstone 2 achieves an altitude of 158 miles.
1974
Ted Bundy commits what is sometimes regarded as his first murder, Lynda Ann Healy, a 21 year old senior at the University of Washington. Her skull is not found until a year later. By the time he was executed, Bundy had committed nearly 30 murders, mostly women with dark long hair. It is believed that he may have murdered as early as 1961, when he was 15, but proof is at best circumstantial.
1989
Copies of the March Playboy with LaToya Jackson posing with... snakes! hit the newsstands. She also has a snake tattoo. Face it, the lady really really likes snakes.
R.I.P.
Christian Brando: Thrown to the lions.
Suharto: He knew first-hand what the rest of us learned from Johnny Cash — it's tough being a boy named Suharto.
Jeremy Beadle: John, George, and now Jeremy. So sad.
GEEK TALK
Looks like J.J. Abrams does plan to go all "Wonder Years" for his Star Trek flick! Coming Soon reports that 11-year-old (about to be 12) Jimmy Bennett has landed a role as Young Kirk in Abrams' upcoming Star Trek film, due out at Christmas. Bennett has played a little kid in films like Hostage, Firewall, Poseidon and Evan Almighty. A young Spock will also be featured, leading this writer to believe both characters will appear in the film and talk about how much they "like, like" Winnie Cooper. Fingers crossed. The Hollywood Reporter has confirmed (what was already previously reported) that New Line is in talks with Platinum Dunes to re-launch the franchise that helped secure their name as one of the big players in town, A Nightmare on Elm Street. Dunes partners Michael Bay, Brad Fuller and Andrew Form will produce, and a writer will be hired once the strike comes to an end. Since it's a full-out re-do, expect Robert Englund to not play Freddy Krueger, though we imagine he'll still have a role in the film (perhaps as part of Freddy's family). God bless the guy they get to fill his shoes; he'll have to convince tons of hardcore fans that he's the real deal. Dunes and New Line are also prepping a re-launch of the Friday the 13th franchise, with Marcus Nispel directing. And finally, though it's not really a fanboy film (but I needed one more thing to throw in here, so cut me some slack), Moviehole reports that director Phillip Noyce has officially dropped out of that planned Amelia Earhart biopic starring Hilary Swank. MH spoke with Noyce, who gave the following reason for his departure: "I had worked on Amelia for 5 months from July to end of December 2007, finding all the locations and extensively storyboarding the flying sequences - When it didn't appear that the film was going ahead, I had to make a painful decision to move on and returned to a project that had long fascinated me... Mary Queen of Scots. Scarlett Johansson will play Mary in a film to be shot on location in Scotland, England and Ireland during 2008." Apparently Swank is still attached to the film, which we all thought was moving ahead as planned (script issues, maybe), so I'll keep you updated and let you know what happens.
MOVIE BUZZ
Rambo 5
Producer Harvey Weinstein says he wants Sly to make another sequel immediately because he loves the idea of an "older guy kicking ass." It will find Our Hero in a nursing home, taking on a gang of teenage punks who are stealing the senior citizens' gruel.
Quantum of Solace
The neat behind-the-scenes video shows 007 Daniel Craig swinging from a rope at a construction site. If that guy ever wants to tackle another franchise, he's definitely a lock for Tarzan.
The Hobbit
Guillermo del Toro is officially in talks to helm the back-to-back LOTR prequels, even though he's stated that he also really wants to direct the final Harry Potter. They should just combine the two franchises. Gandalf could take over Hogwart's from dead Dumbledore. Who could tell the difference, anyway?
Marvel Zombies
The comic-book company is going to produce a direct-to-DVD 'toon in which their biggest heroes, such as Spider-Man and the Hulk, turn into the flesh-eating undead. Hmmm. I wonder if the Hulk's green skin tastes minty?
Yes Man
Check out thee crazy pictures of Jim Carrey bungee jumping. If he keeps insisting on doing all his own stunts, he's going to be harder to insure for a movie than Lindsay Lohan.
Shutter
In the trailer for this Americanized remake of a Hong Kong horror flick, Joshua Jackson starts seeing ghosts in the photos he takes. Man, and I thought I had a problem with the dang red eye in all of my photos.
Hell Ride
Quentin Tarantino's latest producing effort, a grindhouse style flick about a biker gang, has been getting uniformly bad reviews at the Sundance Film Festival, and the video of Q.T. attacking a paparazzi outside of a Starbucks. Actually, he was just pissed off about getting caught drinking a wussy drink like a nonfat latte.
Burn After Reading
The first official promo picture from Joel and Ethan Coen's upcoming comedy shows star George Clooney enjoying himself in a movie theater. The way he's cackling like a madman, they must be showing his ER haircut reel.
Well, there you go, phans. The Super Bowl is this Sunday, which I will be watching and praying that the Giants win. I had such a great time at the FX Show last week (you can read my review of it on the Peverett Phile Myspace page) that I am excited about Magacon on the second weekend of March (the same weekend as the Diney Bowl-A-Thon I'll be taking part in). I want to hit 4000 views by Easter at the end of March, so let everybody know to read the Phile, and I am planning on getting my next tattoo by Valentine's Day. What else? Oh, check out the Foghat.com site as well as Myspace.com/foghatmusic when you get a chance. Until next time, have a good week, and spread the word not the turd. Peace!
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Who Gives A Shit? '08
The Giants are going to the Super Bowl! The Giants are going to the Super Bowl! The Giants are going to the Super Bowl! I am sorry, I am just excited that the New York Giants are going to the Super Bowl thanks to NY Tymes. Welcome to the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated blog, coming to you from overcast Groveland, Florida Here in Florida, they are getting ready for the Republican primary. They’ve got one week to make sure the voting machines don’t work. The government announced that some voters will be allowed to vote online. That’s going to be a tough choice: democracy or porn . . . democracy or porn. Hillary Clinton and Barrack Obama were really going at one another Monday night. John Edwards looked like the moderator on “Family Feud.” During the argument, security guards had to be brought in, and you could hear Hillary Clinton screaming, “Don’t Tase me, bro!” Barack's new campiagn slogan is now Bros Before Hoes. Fred Thompson has dropped out of the race. He spent all day packing the bags under his eyes. I think I speak for everyone when I say, “Fred Thompson was in the race?” John McCain’s team is heading to Florida to get ready for the primary. Hillary Clinton’s team is going there so they can get an early start for Bill on Spring Break. Oliver Stone is going to make a movie about our current president. It’s going to called “Bush.” I think I saw that already. I saw it in a hotel room accidentally. Six times. Mitt Romney was in Jacksonville, Fla. They had a big Martin Luther King Day parade there. Even though he didn’t fit in at all, he made himself at home. In fairness, that was his first time ever meeting black people. Bill Clinton had an embarrassing moment too. Between campaigning for his wife Hillary, and pretending to have work to do to avoid going to bed with her, he’s exhausted. How about that Mitt Romney? Republicans say that he may be too good-looking to be running. He looks like a closer at a Cadillac dealership. He looks like he should be selling fruit dehydrators on cable. He looks like the stock photo that comes with the frame. And finally, archaeologists have discovered a 100,000-year-old skull. C’mon! Can you believe that? It looks like me after a day at work.
THE PEVERETT PHILE'S TOP TEN LIST
Top Ten Slogans For the New Driverless Car
10. "You're In Good Hands With...Oh, Actually, Allstate Won't Insure This Car. Sorry"
9. "We're A Lawsuit Waiting To Happen"
8. "Car, Where's My Dude?"
7. "We Stand Behind Our New Driverless Cars"
6. "Hasselhoff Sold Separately"
5. "What Could Go Wrong?"
4. "Spears Tested, Spears Approved"
3. "From The Same Folks Who Brought You The 'Electric Shower Cap'"
2. "It's Safer Than Billy Joel"
1. "Look Out!"
R.I.P.
John Stewart: There's people out there turning you into gold, buddy.
Suzanne Pleshette: Did they really expect us to believe that someone this hot would be married to Bob Newhart? Yeah, right.
Bobby Fischer: Looks like checkmate, you fucking psycho.
Heath Ledger: Talk about a real DARK NIGHT.
JANUARY 24TH IN HISTORY
41
Roman emperor Caligula is assassinated by his bodyguards.
1908
The first Boy Scout troop is organized in England by its founder, Robert Baden-Powell. He enjoyed watching the boys swim naked, and as a hobby he collected photographs of them.
1978
The nuclear-powered Soviet Cosmos 954 satellite plunges through Earth's atmosphere and disintegrates, scattering radioactive debris over parts of Canada's Northwest Territories. Much of the satellite lands in the Great Slave Lake; only about 1% of the radioactive material is recovered.
1986
Crackpot and founder of the fraudulent Scientology movement, L. Ron Hubbard dies. His bad science fiction writing has grown alarmly prolific in the years since his death.
1989
Ted Bundy put to death in the Electric Chair for the murder of Kimberly Leach, after ten years trying to appeal. Here is a post-mortem picture of the burns on Bundy's head.
FLORIDA: AMERICA'S WANG
This is the same phile as 'Florida Is Ass Backwards' with a brand new name! A Volusia County nursing home resident who was found with maggots in one of his eyes, an infected breathing tube, a partially inserted cathater and bed sores has died, according to his family. Anthony Digiannurio, of Deltona, was 82 years old when he was transported in November from the University Center West nursing home to Florida Hospital DeLand, where staff members discovered the ailments. It is not known if the cause of death was related to the aforementioned conditions. According to a DeLand police report released in November, a representative from University Center West said that the man had constant care from multiple hospice workers and two certified nursing aides at the nursing home. Officials from the state Department of Children and Families were investigating the incident. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services has found 19 deficiencies at the facility since June 2006.
MOVIES THAT LIED TO US
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
What it Led Us to Believe: 1) That if we ate enough chocolate, we'd not only get to see how chocolate is made (by happy singing slaves in a wonderland of make-believe), but we'd become KING OF CHOCOLATE. 2) Only dumb slobs and spoiled brats have to work regular jobs; if you're really a good kid, you'll end up with the job of your dreams. If you don't...well, apparently you're just not a very good kid.
3) But the most important message? Take candy from strange men. The Cold, Hard Truth: Willy Wonka would have long ago been run out of business and imprisoned, if not for sweat shop practices or scaring the shit out of a boat full of kids with footage of a dead chicken, then at the very least for the hygienic complications of letting a fat kid wallow around in the chocolate reservoir. Another Cold, Hard Truth? There is no such thing as a chocolate reservoir. The candy you eat is made of chemicals with names like Maltodextrin and Calcium Stearate that ooze out of gray plastic tubes and get handled by listless workers who despise you for being middle class. Eat enough of it and all you get is fat. "Fun Size" indeed. Even the real-world attempt at producing Willy Wonka-brand candy has resulted in nothing more promising than Nerds, Spree, and an "Everlasting Gobstopper" that lasts about eight minutes. Damaging False Beliefs Traceable to Film: Little people enjoy working long hours for no pay, and most of them have candy on their person. An unnatural aversion to film of chickens being decapitated. Lick enough wallpaper and you'll eventually find the Snozzberry.
NUTTED BY REALITY
In the end, "The Amazing Race 12" came down to the final Roadblock task. And ultimately, while there was tension as the teams tried to complete it and then raced to their final series of clues, the presence of three likable teams in the final leg meant that any outcome would have been satisfactory, and that the final leg would be pretty much without significant drama. “This is so unfair!” Jen cried in a flashback at the beginning of the episode. I agree: Why do I have to listen to her again even though she’s been eliminated? Sentences that did not end in references to pot, but would have been funnier if they did: “I really think every team as its way to be successful, and for us, it’s definitely…,” TK said. “It’s been proven time and time again how important it is for TK and I to…,” Rachel said. When the teams read “Ship Creek Boat Launch” on their clue, it sounded like they all said “Shit Creek Boat Launch.” And the creek definitely looked like a place that should be called Shit Creek. Has Phil always been a corny wordsmith, or is he just being a lot more cheesy these days? “Teams without fast hands could find themselves in a pinch,” he said of a crab-related challenge. “Just get out of my way; I am not very good with knives,” Ron told Christina as he filleted a fish. Seconds later she shrieked, but she did not get stabbed; instead, she found the clue among the fish’s guts. Nick and Don screwed up, forgetting to pick up a bag of gear when they picked up their clue, and they had one of their first real fights. “Your hindsight is always 20/20,” Nick said. “You read the clue but you didn’t understand it, so we’re [fucked?],” his grandfather said. “We’ve come a long way since leg one,” Christina said. Perhaps, but now you owe us all $150/hour for having to listen to you describe your relationship problems all season. Speaking of tension, TK became animated for the first time all season and started berating a cab driver. “Can we go there fast?” TK asked, aggressively. “My god, are you kidding me? We need another taxi, or we need to get there.” Twenty-three minutes into the episode, the interviews with Ron and Christina showed them both with beaming, bright smiles, and since those are obviously taped at the end of each leg, their win seemed eminent. But no! They were just happy losers. “I’d be there for a fucking year,” Don said of the final Roadblock, expressing what I was thinking exactly. It was one of those reality show challenges I find impossible even while watching from my couch, and I’m not stressing out, trying to win $1 million. One member of each team had to select one object from each leg of the race and place it on a platform, but using certain criteria. Thus, I can’t make fun of Christina, Rachel, or Nicolas for their missteps, and that they all finished was impressive enough. Whoever writes the clues really needs to get over their unnecessary capitalization habit and exclamation point fetish. The final clue read, “This is it!!! Take a taxi to Girdwood Airport and run to the Finish Line. Hurry!!!! GO, GO, GO!!!!!” I’m sure the teams wouldn’t have run fast if it hadn’t been for those exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “We won’t be disappointed if we come in second. I learned a lot, you know, how to become a better person,” Ron said. Well, congrats on that, because second place it was. Alaska’s a beautiful place, but the best locatin the producers could find for the finish line was a dirt airport covered with weeds? Seriously? TK and Rachel landed on the mat first, and TK said, “None of this even seems real. It’s kinda freaking me out.” Oh, TK, you make this too easy. Anyway, their win is terrific, as a win by a low-key, non-confrontational team is long overdue.
IDIOT'S LANTERN
John Ritter's widow Amy Yasbeck is suing two doctors who treated her husband before his death in 2003. She is suing for the potential earnings of the show he starred in before his death, "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter". I'm kind of ambivalent regarding this lawsuit. On one hand, the death of a loved one is always a tough time and my heart always goes out to anybody who lost someone special in their lives. On the other hand, we have too many frivolous lawsuits in this country and suing a couple of doctors isn't going to bring John Ritter back. Doctors are human and make mistakes. John Ritter had a congenital heart defect that multiple doctors missed. This lawsuit will only drive up everybody's health insurance costs. The Ritter family has already received $14 million in settlements, including $9 million from the hospital in which he died. At the risk of sounding heartless, I think it's time for Mrs. Ritter to let go.
GEEK TALK
In the midst of all the speculation regarding the big-screen version of Watchmen, the musical score probably wasn't all that high on the list -- but it can be just as important. As any moviegoer knows, sometimes the music can make or break a movie (for a good example of how music can ruin a flick, look no further than The Perfect Storm or The Last Samurai). ComingSoon.net is reporting that Tyler Bates has been signed to compose the score for the film. As any fan-boy can tell you, Watchmen is Zack Snyder's adaptation of Alan Moore and David Gibbons classic graphic novel. The story is set in a fictional New York in the 80s where "masked vigilantes" have affected the events of everything from the Vietnam War to Watergate. Over the last year, the rumors flew fast and furious about the cast until Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Matthew Goode, Jackie Earle Haley, Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Patrick Wilson were all officially announced. Tyler Bates started his career back in 1993, when he wrote the music for a sci-fi B-movie called Blue Flame. By 1997, he had already released his own album with his band Pet, but the album failed to become a hit and he has been in the movie business ever since. Bates has a long standing relationship with director Zack Snyder, having done the score for 300 and Dawn of the Dead. Snyder was quoted as saying that Baker's Bates' score for 300, "...moves the film into mythology cauterizing the images as you view them, making them something they could never be alone." So, I guess he is looking for the same kind of magic for the equally mythic story of Watchmen.
MOVIE BUZZ
Cloverfield 2
Matt Reeves is already giddy with excitement talking about sequel possibilities, including an idea to make another film of the same monster attack from the POV of another NYC resident. Let's hope that the next victim owns a tripod.
Bush
Controversial liberal director Oliver Stone says his upcoming biopic of George W. Bush starring Josh Brolin as the Commander-in-Chief will answer the question, "How did Bush go from an alcoholic bum to the most powerful figure in the world?" Easy! Get Javier Bardem to co-star as Karl Rove and have him threaten folks with a cattle gun to vote for Dubya.
Star Trek
The first teaser trailer is online, as well as a new viral site where you have to adjust different video screens to watch shipbuilders welding the Enterprise together. It's nice to know that even in the future, surveillance cameras are still blurry and useless.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
There's a first batch of promo photos from the upcoming sequel, in which we get pictures of a lion, dwarves and guys in funny outfits performing acrobatics. Imagine, putting together a movie and a Cirque du Soleil show at the same time!
By Any Means Necessary
Now that Ben Affleck is a hot director, Ryan Gosling is expected to take over the role of Jack Ryan in a new film based on Tom Clancy's spy guy. So if Gosling's going to take Ben's sloppy seconds, is he gonna have to date J. Lo at some point, too?
The Incredible Hulk
William Hurt, who's co-starring as Gen. Thunderbolt Ross, spilled the beans that he did in fact film a crossover scene with Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man. Looks like the jolly green giant and ol' shellhead have to team up to fight a new villain: the dreaded Spoiler!
Where in the World Is Osama Bin Laden?
The film clip shows Super Size Me director Morgan Spurlock's getting advice on what to do if he gets kidnapped by the Taliban while searching for the notorious terror mastermind. Suddenly, sitting at home eating hamburgers all day long doesn't sound like such a bad idea, now does it?
Watchmen
Director Zack Snyder has posted two storyboard pages that translates his vision for the film into juvenile chicken scratches. If I knew crude drawings like that could be the basis for a multi-million dollar film, I wouldn't have thrown out the handmade comics I drew on construction paper when I was in grade school.
What Happens in Vegas
Ashton Kutcher really has it rough in the trailer. He has to pretend to be in a happy marriage with Cameron Diaz in order to be awarded $3 million. Like that's really difficult. Having to pretend to be married to Rosie O'Donnell? Now that would be a challenge.
Choke
Director Clark Gregg introduces the clip featuring star Sam Rockwell picking up chicks at a sex-addict meeting. Now that would be a fun role to do research for.
Sleepwalking
In the trailer, AnnaSophia Robb stars as a teenager traumatized by her flighty mother, Charlize Theron. What's the kid complaining about? She could have had it a whole lot worse. She could have been raised by Aileen Wuornos, Charlize's character from Monster.
Yeah, there you go, another entry of the Phile. Tomorrow I am going to FX '08, the sci-fi convention, so I will posting a blog and hopefully pics on the Phile's Myspace site (Myspace.com/peverettphile.). Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.
THE PEVERETT PHILE'S TOP TEN LIST
Top Ten Slogans For the New Driverless Car
10. "You're In Good Hands With...Oh, Actually, Allstate Won't Insure This Car. Sorry"
9. "We're A Lawsuit Waiting To Happen"
8. "Car, Where's My Dude?"
7. "We Stand Behind Our New Driverless Cars"
6. "Hasselhoff Sold Separately"
5. "What Could Go Wrong?"
4. "Spears Tested, Spears Approved"
3. "From The Same Folks Who Brought You The 'Electric Shower Cap'"
2. "It's Safer Than Billy Joel"
1. "Look Out!"
R.I.P.
John Stewart: There's people out there turning you into gold, buddy.
Suzanne Pleshette: Did they really expect us to believe that someone this hot would be married to Bob Newhart? Yeah, right.
Bobby Fischer: Looks like checkmate, you fucking psycho.
Heath Ledger: Talk about a real DARK NIGHT.
JANUARY 24TH IN HISTORY
41
Roman emperor Caligula is assassinated by his bodyguards.
1908
The first Boy Scout troop is organized in England by its founder, Robert Baden-Powell. He enjoyed watching the boys swim naked, and as a hobby he collected photographs of them.
1978
The nuclear-powered Soviet Cosmos 954 satellite plunges through Earth's atmosphere and disintegrates, scattering radioactive debris over parts of Canada's Northwest Territories. Much of the satellite lands in the Great Slave Lake; only about 1% of the radioactive material is recovered.
1986
Crackpot and founder of the fraudulent Scientology movement, L. Ron Hubbard dies. His bad science fiction writing has grown alarmly prolific in the years since his death.
1989
Ted Bundy put to death in the Electric Chair for the murder of Kimberly Leach, after ten years trying to appeal. Here is a post-mortem picture of the burns on Bundy's head.
FLORIDA: AMERICA'S WANG
This is the same phile as 'Florida Is Ass Backwards' with a brand new name! A Volusia County nursing home resident who was found with maggots in one of his eyes, an infected breathing tube, a partially inserted cathater and bed sores has died, according to his family. Anthony Digiannurio, of Deltona, was 82 years old when he was transported in November from the University Center West nursing home to Florida Hospital DeLand, where staff members discovered the ailments. It is not known if the cause of death was related to the aforementioned conditions. According to a DeLand police report released in November, a representative from University Center West said that the man had constant care from multiple hospice workers and two certified nursing aides at the nursing home. Officials from the state Department of Children and Families were investigating the incident. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services has found 19 deficiencies at the facility since June 2006.
MOVIES THAT LIED TO US
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
What it Led Us to Believe: 1) That if we ate enough chocolate, we'd not only get to see how chocolate is made (by happy singing slaves in a wonderland of make-believe), but we'd become KING OF CHOCOLATE. 2) Only dumb slobs and spoiled brats have to work regular jobs; if you're really a good kid, you'll end up with the job of your dreams. If you don't...well, apparently you're just not a very good kid.
3) But the most important message? Take candy from strange men. The Cold, Hard Truth: Willy Wonka would have long ago been run out of business and imprisoned, if not for sweat shop practices or scaring the shit out of a boat full of kids with footage of a dead chicken, then at the very least for the hygienic complications of letting a fat kid wallow around in the chocolate reservoir. Another Cold, Hard Truth? There is no such thing as a chocolate reservoir. The candy you eat is made of chemicals with names like Maltodextrin and Calcium Stearate that ooze out of gray plastic tubes and get handled by listless workers who despise you for being middle class. Eat enough of it and all you get is fat. "Fun Size" indeed. Even the real-world attempt at producing Willy Wonka-brand candy has resulted in nothing more promising than Nerds, Spree, and an "Everlasting Gobstopper" that lasts about eight minutes. Damaging False Beliefs Traceable to Film: Little people enjoy working long hours for no pay, and most of them have candy on their person. An unnatural aversion to film of chickens being decapitated. Lick enough wallpaper and you'll eventually find the Snozzberry.
NUTTED BY REALITY
In the end, "The Amazing Race 12" came down to the final Roadblock task. And ultimately, while there was tension as the teams tried to complete it and then raced to their final series of clues, the presence of three likable teams in the final leg meant that any outcome would have been satisfactory, and that the final leg would be pretty much without significant drama. “This is so unfair!” Jen cried in a flashback at the beginning of the episode. I agree: Why do I have to listen to her again even though she’s been eliminated? Sentences that did not end in references to pot, but would have been funnier if they did: “I really think every team as its way to be successful, and for us, it’s definitely…,” TK said. “It’s been proven time and time again how important it is for TK and I to…,” Rachel said. When the teams read “Ship Creek Boat Launch” on their clue, it sounded like they all said “Shit Creek Boat Launch.” And the creek definitely looked like a place that should be called Shit Creek. Has Phil always been a corny wordsmith, or is he just being a lot more cheesy these days? “Teams without fast hands could find themselves in a pinch,” he said of a crab-related challenge. “Just get out of my way; I am not very good with knives,” Ron told Christina as he filleted a fish. Seconds later she shrieked, but she did not get stabbed; instead, she found the clue among the fish’s guts. Nick and Don screwed up, forgetting to pick up a bag of gear when they picked up their clue, and they had one of their first real fights. “Your hindsight is always 20/20,” Nick said. “You read the clue but you didn’t understand it, so we’re [fucked?],” his grandfather said. “We’ve come a long way since leg one,” Christina said. Perhaps, but now you owe us all $150/hour for having to listen to you describe your relationship problems all season. Speaking of tension, TK became animated for the first time all season and started berating a cab driver. “Can we go there fast?” TK asked, aggressively. “My god, are you kidding me? We need another taxi, or we need to get there.” Twenty-three minutes into the episode, the interviews with Ron and Christina showed them both with beaming, bright smiles, and since those are obviously taped at the end of each leg, their win seemed eminent. But no! They were just happy losers. “I’d be there for a fucking year,” Don said of the final Roadblock, expressing what I was thinking exactly. It was one of those reality show challenges I find impossible even while watching from my couch, and I’m not stressing out, trying to win $1 million. One member of each team had to select one object from each leg of the race and place it on a platform, but using certain criteria. Thus, I can’t make fun of Christina, Rachel, or Nicolas for their missteps, and that they all finished was impressive enough. Whoever writes the clues really needs to get over their unnecessary capitalization habit and exclamation point fetish. The final clue read, “This is it!!! Take a taxi to Girdwood Airport and run to the Finish Line. Hurry!!!! GO, GO, GO!!!!!” I’m sure the teams wouldn’t have run fast if it hadn’t been for those exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “We won’t be disappointed if we come in second. I learned a lot, you know, how to become a better person,” Ron said. Well, congrats on that, because second place it was. Alaska’s a beautiful place, but the best locatin the producers could find for the finish line was a dirt airport covered with weeds? Seriously? TK and Rachel landed on the mat first, and TK said, “None of this even seems real. It’s kinda freaking me out.” Oh, TK, you make this too easy. Anyway, their win is terrific, as a win by a low-key, non-confrontational team is long overdue.
IDIOT'S LANTERN
John Ritter's widow Amy Yasbeck is suing two doctors who treated her husband before his death in 2003. She is suing for the potential earnings of the show he starred in before his death, "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter". I'm kind of ambivalent regarding this lawsuit. On one hand, the death of a loved one is always a tough time and my heart always goes out to anybody who lost someone special in their lives. On the other hand, we have too many frivolous lawsuits in this country and suing a couple of doctors isn't going to bring John Ritter back. Doctors are human and make mistakes. John Ritter had a congenital heart defect that multiple doctors missed. This lawsuit will only drive up everybody's health insurance costs. The Ritter family has already received $14 million in settlements, including $9 million from the hospital in which he died. At the risk of sounding heartless, I think it's time for Mrs. Ritter to let go.
GEEK TALK
In the midst of all the speculation regarding the big-screen version of Watchmen, the musical score probably wasn't all that high on the list -- but it can be just as important. As any moviegoer knows, sometimes the music can make or break a movie (for a good example of how music can ruin a flick, look no further than The Perfect Storm or The Last Samurai). ComingSoon.net is reporting that Tyler Bates has been signed to compose the score for the film. As any fan-boy can tell you, Watchmen is Zack Snyder's adaptation of Alan Moore and David Gibbons classic graphic novel. The story is set in a fictional New York in the 80s where "masked vigilantes" have affected the events of everything from the Vietnam War to Watergate. Over the last year, the rumors flew fast and furious about the cast until Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Matthew Goode, Jackie Earle Haley, Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Patrick Wilson were all officially announced. Tyler Bates started his career back in 1993, when he wrote the music for a sci-fi B-movie called Blue Flame. By 1997, he had already released his own album with his band Pet, but the album failed to become a hit and he has been in the movie business ever since. Bates has a long standing relationship with director Zack Snyder, having done the score for 300 and Dawn of the Dead. Snyder was quoted as saying that Baker's Bates' score for 300, "...moves the film into mythology cauterizing the images as you view them, making them something they could never be alone." So, I guess he is looking for the same kind of magic for the equally mythic story of Watchmen.
MOVIE BUZZ
Cloverfield 2
Matt Reeves is already giddy with excitement talking about sequel possibilities, including an idea to make another film of the same monster attack from the POV of another NYC resident. Let's hope that the next victim owns a tripod.
Bush
Controversial liberal director Oliver Stone says his upcoming biopic of George W. Bush starring Josh Brolin as the Commander-in-Chief will answer the question, "How did Bush go from an alcoholic bum to the most powerful figure in the world?" Easy! Get Javier Bardem to co-star as Karl Rove and have him threaten folks with a cattle gun to vote for Dubya.
Star Trek
The first teaser trailer is online, as well as a new viral site where you have to adjust different video screens to watch shipbuilders welding the Enterprise together. It's nice to know that even in the future, surveillance cameras are still blurry and useless.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
There's a first batch of promo photos from the upcoming sequel, in which we get pictures of a lion, dwarves and guys in funny outfits performing acrobatics. Imagine, putting together a movie and a Cirque du Soleil show at the same time!
By Any Means Necessary
Now that Ben Affleck is a hot director, Ryan Gosling is expected to take over the role of Jack Ryan in a new film based on Tom Clancy's spy guy. So if Gosling's going to take Ben's sloppy seconds, is he gonna have to date J. Lo at some point, too?
The Incredible Hulk
William Hurt, who's co-starring as Gen. Thunderbolt Ross, spilled the beans that he did in fact film a crossover scene with Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man. Looks like the jolly green giant and ol' shellhead have to team up to fight a new villain: the dreaded Spoiler!
Where in the World Is Osama Bin Laden?
The film clip shows Super Size Me director Morgan Spurlock's getting advice on what to do if he gets kidnapped by the Taliban while searching for the notorious terror mastermind. Suddenly, sitting at home eating hamburgers all day long doesn't sound like such a bad idea, now does it?
Watchmen
Director Zack Snyder has posted two storyboard pages that translates his vision for the film into juvenile chicken scratches. If I knew crude drawings like that could be the basis for a multi-million dollar film, I wouldn't have thrown out the handmade comics I drew on construction paper when I was in grade school.
What Happens in Vegas
Ashton Kutcher really has it rough in the trailer. He has to pretend to be in a happy marriage with Cameron Diaz in order to be awarded $3 million. Like that's really difficult. Having to pretend to be married to Rosie O'Donnell? Now that would be a challenge.
Choke
Director Clark Gregg introduces the clip featuring star Sam Rockwell picking up chicks at a sex-addict meeting. Now that would be a fun role to do research for.
Sleepwalking
In the trailer, AnnaSophia Robb stars as a teenager traumatized by her flighty mother, Charlize Theron. What's the kid complaining about? She could have had it a whole lot worse. She could have been raised by Aileen Wuornos, Charlize's character from Monster.
Yeah, there you go, another entry of the Phile. Tomorrow I am going to FX '08, the sci-fi convention, so I will posting a blog and hopefully pics on the Phile's Myspace site (Myspace.com/peverettphile.). Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
The Greatest Blog On Earth
Welcome to the Phile, the web's most updated blog. So, last week weekend we went to the circus. Not just any ole circus, but the mother of all circus's. Ringling Brothers and Barnum Bailey. It was so much fun and the elephants pooped! Disney World, where I work, has been pretty slow this time of year, with mostly Brazilians and Hasidic Jews. Rio de Janeiro and Long Island must be empty right about now. Yesterday my son Logan lost one of his front teeth. He actually pulled it out of his mouth by himself. I cry when an eye lash falls out. Anyway, the tooth fairy came and left him ten bucks. I am thinking about knocking out my two front teeth and seeing how much I get for them. Actually, when I lost my two front teeth, kids in school called me Alfred E. Newman. Eddie Murphy has announced he’s separated from his wife. He’s been married for only 15 days! I guess he couldn’t get past the fact that she was a woman. David Spade is having a baby with a Playboy playmate. Miss March. In a few months, she’ll be sporting a tiny, whiny, crying thing around . . . then the baby will be born, and she’ll move on. Archaeologists have found the remains of a 40-million-year-old giant rodent. It was as tall as a human, with a head like a beaver. I once went out with a woman who had a huge beaver that smelt like it was 40-million-years old. Okay, that's just plain sick!!! If I seem like I’m off my game on this blog, I want you to know it has nothing to do with the fact that I spent last weekend with Jessica Simpson. “American Idol” premiered Tuesday night. Apparently, it was the lowest rated premier in four years. Only 85 billion people watched last night. Poor Ryan Seacrest — they’re saying he’s going to have to get his tips frosted at Super Cuts now. I like the bad singers better than the good ones. Especially the crazy ones. I was thinking I would like to see a whole show with nothing but crazy people being insulted by judges. And then I remembered that’s already a show, called “Judge Judy.” Oprah's getting her own TV network. It’s going to be called Oprah Winfrey Network, or OWN. Which is appropriate: She owns everything. The network will start small, then it will expand, it will get really good, then it will get small again then large, then small. Then it will start dating Stedman but always seen with Gayle. The Michigan primary was a few days ago. John McCain was wearing the same green sweatshirt that he wore during his win in New Hampshire. Not to be outdone, Hillary was wearing the same jockstrap. It’s not a great week for OJ Simpson. You know, America’s favorite murdering running back. Ole Stabby Simpson. He’s back in jail. He violated his probation. He made an illegal phone call. That guy is an idiot.
Congratulations to Nicole Ritchie. She gave birth to a daughter over the weekend. She weighed 6 pounds, 8 ounces. I don’t know how much the kid weighed. Chelsea Clinton is doing a series of Q&As at campuses across the country. Apparently she wants to target the college female demographic. Just like her dad. Clay Aiken is about to do the play "Spamalot" on Broadway. "I thought Monty Python was a person until three months ago," Aiken said. He probably thinks Marshall Tucker is a lawman, too. Rock 'n' roll pioneer Ike Turner's death last month at age 76 was caused by a cocaine overdose, the San Diego County Medical Examiner's office said Wednesday. Surprise, surprise. Finally, why don't they build a bridge from America to England?
JANUARY 17TH IN HISTORY
1899
Al Capone's birthday.
1950
Seven men wearing halloween masks rob the Brink's office in Boston of $1.2M cash, and $1.5M securities. One of the robbers confesses to the job in 1953, eleven days before the statute of limitations was to expire.
1961
President Eisenhower warns us of the evils of the "military industrial complex". Did we listen carefully enough?
1966
An American B-52 collides with its tanker aircraft during refueling over the town of Palomares, Spain. Seven crewmembers are killed in the resulting jet fuel explosion. Also, three 10-megaton hydrogen bombs crash near the town. Although none of them detonates, two rupture, scattering powdered plutonium over 558 acres of farmland. The USA hauls away 1,600 tons of soil and tomato plants and disposes of them in Aiken, South Carolina.
1977
After refusing appeals and demanding his death sentence, double murderer Gary Gilmore is given a hood and shot by a Utah Firing Squad in the first U.S. execution in ten years.
1994
The massive "Northridge Earthquake" strikes Los Angeles, producing a ground pulse far greater than its 6.7 magnitude would indicate. It causes 61 deaths and damages reaching $20 billion. The quake is by far the most expensive cataclysm in U.S. history.
1995
One year after the Northridge quake in California, a large 7.2 quake strikes Kobe Japan, killing 5,090, leaving 1.5 million homeless, and causing damage of approximately $200 billion dollars. It is the most destructive quake in Japan since the 1923 Kanto disaster.
2003
My sister Lucy gave birth to Jonah.
NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS
Bad news for Coco and Blinko -- children don't like clowns and even older kids are scared of them. The news that will no doubt have clowns shedding tears was revealed in a poll of youngsters by researchers from the University of Sheffield who were examining how to improve the decor of hospital children's wards. The study, reported in the Nursing Standard magazine, found all the 250 patients aged between four and 16 they quizzed disliked the use of clowns, with even the older ones finding them scary. "As adults we make assumptions about what works for children," said Penny Curtis, a senior lecturer in research at the university. "We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable." Stephen King and my wife were right.
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
Borrowing heavily from Keith Olbermann here is Florida in a nutshell. It‘s the state brought us count, recount, the pregnant, dimpled, hanging, and regular chads, Katherine Harris, Bush v. Gore itself. The state that brought the midnight raid of Elian Gonzales. The state that brought us Schiavo saga and it‘s the state the brings us more crazy new that is we can shake a run down at. It‘s Florida! Nine hundred-miles of gator taping, doctor shopping, tiger groping, mullet wearing, kitty snatching, Virgin Mary sandwich selling COUNTDOWN contributors. When network news anchors want to get whipped around in a storm, they head to Florida. When Vanilla Ice loses his wallaroo, which state does he lose it in? Florida. When dumb criminals with dumb hairdos get drunk and ride scooters, where does it happen? Florida. When are Fidel Castro gets crank called, whose on the line? Florida. Car chases, blowed up bridges, alligators, sharks, manatees and even Tarzan‘s tiger, Florida. Our most favoritest peninsula in the whole wide world including Rangaparoa (ph) Peninsula in New Zealand. Rudy Giuliani badly needs to win Florida - but that doesn't mean he'll risk jinxing his hometown team. At a campaign stop in this southwest Florida town on Monday, the Republican presidential candidate refused to autograph a white Green Bay Packers cap. The New York Giants face the Packers in the NFC championship game this weekend. "No, I won't sign that," the former New York City mayor says as he scribbles his name on a series of placards and papers. He has been spending almost every day here before Florida's Jan. 29 primary as it's his best chance to win a state before the Feb. 5 Super Tuesday contests. "Oh, please," a man is heard pleading in the videotaped encounter posted on Fox News' Web site. "No, no, no. That would be bad luck right now," Giuliani insists, almost recoiling from the green-emblazoned cap. "I'll sign it afterward." A man barks back: "Sign it now." But Giuliani wouldn't budge. "No." Smiling, he kept signing everything else.
R.I.P.
Richard Knerr, co-founder of the toy company that popularized the Hula Hoop, Frisbee and other fads that became classics: Was it a slow death, or did it just come upon him like WHAM-O?
Brad Renfro: Now he really is in Ghost World.
MOVIES THAT LIED TO US
Labyrinth
What it Led Us to Believe: 1) That if we ever get stuck babysitting our bratty younger sibling, a simple evocation of the goblin horde will not only rid us of her, but introduce us to a number of amusing muppet friends. 2) The kidnappers we've been constantly warned about by our parents aren't really a threat, as they are easily identified by their sequin-covered cravats and habit of singing about Dance Magic.
3) Babies are an easily-avoided burden. 4) Life's challenges are rarely more frightening than a maze filled with felt, and when you get to the end you get the chance to bone the guy that wrote "Major Tom." The Cold, Hard Truth: Kids that try and evoke the Goblin Horde don't get valuable lessons in responsibility; they get put under professional supervision by child psychologists. Labyrinth's female protagonist would have been charged with child endangerment, criminal negligence, and putting a rift in the fabric of reality. Worse, all the muppet friends she (and by proxy, we) fell in love with are nothing more than inanimate heaps of laundry being wiggled around by a middle-aged guy who makes a living putting his hands up fake asses. Damaging False Beliefs Traceable to Film: Learning to contact juggle crystal spheres will make your the coolest kid in school. There is a secret world of magic and wonder, and if we're good enough, we'll get to see it. The Dark Crystal was awesome.
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: What do you call two skunks who are 69-ing? A: Odor eaters.
Q: How do you get a retarded kid to kill himself? A: Give him a knife and then ask him who’s special.
NUTTED BY REALITY
The penultimate episode of "The Amazing Race 12" gave us something we haven’t had in a long time: A final three without a real villain. The editors and story producers have been playing up each team’s deficiencies (to the point where it now seems like they’re just reusing the same footage since the teams say the same things each week), and now we know why. There isn’t really someone to root against in the final three, which was revealed on Sunday’s episode, so instead of tension born of ugly personalities or interpersonal conflict, we’ll have tension from life lessons. At the start of the penultimate episode, Nate said that he and Jen were going to get serious. “We’re like the Incredible Hulk. All the sudden we’re just gonna explode and tear our shirts off and, just, everyone’s going to be, Whoa!, and say, Watch out for Jen and Nate.” Because he’s crazy. For some reason, Nicolas decided to declare that everyone wasn’t masculine enough for his tastes—including himself. “We’ve been playing the game like bitches so far, and so has everyone else. No competitors are left; there’s a bunch of pansies in the game,” he said. Nate said, “Jen and I know absolutely nothing about Taiwan, except, we think Thai food’s pretty good.” That’s so dumb it doesn’t even deserve mocking, but I think he actually might have been kidding, since he looked and Jen and sort of smirked before the editors cut away. “Do you see anything up here?” TK said. Did you notice your camera operator turning around and filming the clue box right as you walked by it? Clearly not. I still can’t believe how teams manage to miss their camera operators’ clues. “I just can’t believe you’re being this mean to me on my birthday; I haven’t even done anything,” Jen said, as if they’re nice to each other on the 363 days that it’s not one of their birthdays. One of the questions I’m most frequently asked about "The Amazing Race" is whether or not teams have to go through immigration, since we hardly every see that. They do, waiting in long lines with everyone else, which is boring and that’s why it doesn’t make it on TV. But we saw them in line this week when three teams bunched up at immigration (even though TK and Rachel arrived on a different flight). TK’s competitors have some weird fetishistic thing about his body hair. “I wanna rip those dreads out of his head,” Jen said. I’ll give her that one, since that would be a violent, painful action used to express anger or frustration. But I don’t get Nicolas’ fantasy about TK’s hair, although whatever works for him is fine. “I really want to shave his beard off,” he said. Introducing the Roadblock, which involved riding in two awesome but ultimately innocuous stunt cars, Phil decided that the thrill wasn’t enough. “If they’re still alive when it’s over, they’ll receive their next clue,” he said. Maybe he’s on to something with this life-or-death thing. Next season, maybe failing a task should result in death; that’d increase ratings more than just pretending it’s true. Speaking of danger, the Speedbump required TK and Rachel to run through a field of fireworks being shot at them, which actually seemed like great fun, especially since they were wearing protective gear and helmets. Jen and Nick aren’t the only ones paying attention to their competition’s heads. “I saw Nick’s big head coming around the corner, and I was the most fired up I’ve been on this race,” TK said. “I just don’t understand why we’re working so hard. TK and Rachel just slack off and they caught up to us. It’s stupid.” Well, Jen, that’s because you only work hard at being a horrible person. “You need to step up and make the decisions, because I can’t anymore,” Jen said. “I’m just saying you need to make the decision right now. Please, you’re the man.” She didn’t say that last part like “You the man!” but instead like, “Your penis wields powers that my vagina can only dream about, so decision-making is up to you!” However, Nate was not happy about letting his decision-making penis spring into action and decide to take a bus, so before they boarded, he screamed, “Honestly, Jen, I can’t stand you. All you do is freak out!” After insisting that they take a subway instead of a cab, which turned out to not be the best idea, Jen pretended she hadn’t just done what she’d just done, trying to blame it on Nate. “You’re the one who said, subway, subway, subway!” he said. “Oh, I said that?” she responded, incredulously. Moments later, she said, “Thanks a lot for ruining my freakin’ birthday.” Her boyfriend said, “You make it impossible not to.” Ah, love. Arriving at the Roadblock, Jen said, “We need to stay positive right now.” Well, now we have a good example for the dictionary entry of “too late, too late, idiot.” Despite being three hours behind and having a Speedbump task to complete, TK and Rachel arrived at the pit stop in second place, giving conflict-averse people a team to cheer on. “Anybody who says we didn’t try or we got lucky or whatever, we’ve been trying our very hardest all day,” Rachel insisted. Ron and Christina arrived in first, again, after being very far ahead of everyone for most of the day. After some tense editing, Nicolas and his grandfather arrived at the pit stop in third place, sending them on to the finale, and Jen and Nate home. “Fudge,” Nate said. “I think that we killed our relationship along the way,” Jen realized while they were standing alone in a giant plaza. Had they not been so abrasive for the past 11 episodes, I might have actually been touched by their subsequent displays of emotion and realizations about their focus on the game instead of their relationship. But instead I just touched the delete button on my DVR and they left my TV screen for good.
GEEK TALK
Warner Brothers has officially pulled the plug on Justice League of America, according to Variety -- or, to be more precise, put it on hold. Erik Davis alerted us to the possibility earlier this week: the studio had until Tuesday to decide whether to officially green light the project so production could begin this spring for release in Summer 2009. Variety says that the contract options were allowed to lapse for the young cast chosen by director George Miller, which rules out an early start. Now it looks like late summer or fall before the project can get underway. Oddly enough, the cast members were reportedly informed Tuesday night that, while their options had lapsed, the studio still wanted them to play the roles for which they had been cast. Officially, the reasons for the delay are that Warners didn't get an official response on tax breaks they wanted for filming in Australia and that the script by Kieran and Michele Mulroney needed more work, which isn't possible right now because of the writers' strike. The cast members included Adam Brody as The Flash, Megan Gale as Wonder Woman and Armie Hammer Jr. as Batman. The project as a whole has not incited gale forces of enthusiasm so far, so maybe this delay will give everyone a chance to step back and reconsider whether this is really the superhero tent-pole that Warner Brothers wants to make.
MOVIE BUZZ
The Hobbit 2
Elijah Wood claims Peter Jackson has told him via email that the already-planned sequel to the Hobbit will be all-new material and serve as a "bridge" to the LOTR trilogy. Wood's not sure if he'll be in the film, though, since it will feature a younger, hipper Frodo, experimenting with piercing various body parts with his "precious."
Diary of the Dead
Oh, now I get it! The trailer for George Romero's new zombie flick shows that the "diary" is actually a video that documents the rise of the living dead. Hmmm. I thought it was about some teen girl's journal or something, e.g., "Dear Diary: I love Brandon and all, but all he ever wants to do is eat my brains."
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
In the just released picture, Harrison Ford and Shia La Beouf are seen entering a room filled with cobwebs and ancient artifacts. No, it's not a still from the movie. Ford just hired the kid to help him tidy up his garage.
The Bank Job
In the action-filled trailer, Jason Statham stars as a thief who's hired to rob a safety deposit box to steal some dirty pictures of a royal princess performing intimate acts. I hope my wife doesn't see this film. She might hire these guys to find my porn video stash. Just kidding, I don't have a porn stash.
New York, I Love You
After starring in a gazillion Woody Allen films, Scarlett Johansson is going to try her hand behind the camera by directing a segment of this anthology in the vein of Paris, Je T'Aime. It's gonna be about a pervy older dude who stalks a voluptuous starlet.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Hugh Jackman's muttonchopped superhero has finally gotten his nemesis: Liev Schreiber has just been hired to play evil mutant Sabretooth. And if Liev needs any suggestions on how to handle a big hairy dude, he can just ask his girlfriend, King Kong's Naomi Watts.
Dead Already
Guess who wants to be the next big action star? Believe it or not, Dane Cook has eyes on starring in a buddy cop movie that he claims is nothing like anything he's seen before. Funny, I thought the film title referred to his career after Good Luck Chuck.
Tenderness
Russell Crowe is looking pretty retro in the promo photos from his upcoming thriller about a cop convinced that a girl's boyfriend is a serial killer. Let's see: Vicious murderer? Or Crowe's hot temper? The girl might stay with her boyfriend.
There you go, the latest entry of the Phile. The latest goal is to hit 4000 views by Easter which is at the end of March. Until next week, check out the Phile's Myspace page at Myspace.com/peverettphile and Foghat.com where you can buty some cool merch from Loentz's Emporium. Oh, and I still want to do a Peverett Phile t-shirt, so maybe that will be done soon. As always, spread the word, not the turd.
Congratulations to Nicole Ritchie. She gave birth to a daughter over the weekend. She weighed 6 pounds, 8 ounces. I don’t know how much the kid weighed. Chelsea Clinton is doing a series of Q&As at campuses across the country. Apparently she wants to target the college female demographic. Just like her dad. Clay Aiken is about to do the play "Spamalot" on Broadway. "I thought Monty Python was a person until three months ago," Aiken said. He probably thinks Marshall Tucker is a lawman, too. Rock 'n' roll pioneer Ike Turner's death last month at age 76 was caused by a cocaine overdose, the San Diego County Medical Examiner's office said Wednesday. Surprise, surprise. Finally, why don't they build a bridge from America to England?
JANUARY 17TH IN HISTORY
1899
Al Capone's birthday.
1950
Seven men wearing halloween masks rob the Brink's office in Boston of $1.2M cash, and $1.5M securities. One of the robbers confesses to the job in 1953, eleven days before the statute of limitations was to expire.
1961
President Eisenhower warns us of the evils of the "military industrial complex". Did we listen carefully enough?
1966
An American B-52 collides with its tanker aircraft during refueling over the town of Palomares, Spain. Seven crewmembers are killed in the resulting jet fuel explosion. Also, three 10-megaton hydrogen bombs crash near the town. Although none of them detonates, two rupture, scattering powdered plutonium over 558 acres of farmland. The USA hauls away 1,600 tons of soil and tomato plants and disposes of them in Aiken, South Carolina.
1977
After refusing appeals and demanding his death sentence, double murderer Gary Gilmore is given a hood and shot by a Utah Firing Squad in the first U.S. execution in ten years.
1994
The massive "Northridge Earthquake" strikes Los Angeles, producing a ground pulse far greater than its 6.7 magnitude would indicate. It causes 61 deaths and damages reaching $20 billion. The quake is by far the most expensive cataclysm in U.S. history.
1995
One year after the Northridge quake in California, a large 7.2 quake strikes Kobe Japan, killing 5,090, leaving 1.5 million homeless, and causing damage of approximately $200 billion dollars. It is the most destructive quake in Japan since the 1923 Kanto disaster.
2003
My sister Lucy gave birth to Jonah.
NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS
Bad news for Coco and Blinko -- children don't like clowns and even older kids are scared of them. The news that will no doubt have clowns shedding tears was revealed in a poll of youngsters by researchers from the University of Sheffield who were examining how to improve the decor of hospital children's wards. The study, reported in the Nursing Standard magazine, found all the 250 patients aged between four and 16 they quizzed disliked the use of clowns, with even the older ones finding them scary. "As adults we make assumptions about what works for children," said Penny Curtis, a senior lecturer in research at the university. "We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable." Stephen King and my wife were right.
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
Borrowing heavily from Keith Olbermann here is Florida in a nutshell. It‘s the state brought us count, recount, the pregnant, dimpled, hanging, and regular chads, Katherine Harris, Bush v. Gore itself. The state that brought the midnight raid of Elian Gonzales. The state that brought us Schiavo saga and it‘s the state the brings us more crazy new that is we can shake a run down at. It‘s Florida! Nine hundred-miles of gator taping, doctor shopping, tiger groping, mullet wearing, kitty snatching, Virgin Mary sandwich selling COUNTDOWN contributors. When network news anchors want to get whipped around in a storm, they head to Florida. When Vanilla Ice loses his wallaroo, which state does he lose it in? Florida. When dumb criminals with dumb hairdos get drunk and ride scooters, where does it happen? Florida. When are Fidel Castro gets crank called, whose on the line? Florida. Car chases, blowed up bridges, alligators, sharks, manatees and even Tarzan‘s tiger, Florida. Our most favoritest peninsula in the whole wide world including Rangaparoa (ph) Peninsula in New Zealand. Rudy Giuliani badly needs to win Florida - but that doesn't mean he'll risk jinxing his hometown team. At a campaign stop in this southwest Florida town on Monday, the Republican presidential candidate refused to autograph a white Green Bay Packers cap. The New York Giants face the Packers in the NFC championship game this weekend. "No, I won't sign that," the former New York City mayor says as he scribbles his name on a series of placards and papers. He has been spending almost every day here before Florida's Jan. 29 primary as it's his best chance to win a state before the Feb. 5 Super Tuesday contests. "Oh, please," a man is heard pleading in the videotaped encounter posted on Fox News' Web site. "No, no, no. That would be bad luck right now," Giuliani insists, almost recoiling from the green-emblazoned cap. "I'll sign it afterward." A man barks back: "Sign it now." But Giuliani wouldn't budge. "No." Smiling, he kept signing everything else.
R.I.P.
Richard Knerr, co-founder of the toy company that popularized the Hula Hoop, Frisbee and other fads that became classics: Was it a slow death, or did it just come upon him like WHAM-O?
Brad Renfro: Now he really is in Ghost World.
MOVIES THAT LIED TO US
Labyrinth
What it Led Us to Believe: 1) That if we ever get stuck babysitting our bratty younger sibling, a simple evocation of the goblin horde will not only rid us of her, but introduce us to a number of amusing muppet friends. 2) The kidnappers we've been constantly warned about by our parents aren't really a threat, as they are easily identified by their sequin-covered cravats and habit of singing about Dance Magic.
3) Babies are an easily-avoided burden. 4) Life's challenges are rarely more frightening than a maze filled with felt, and when you get to the end you get the chance to bone the guy that wrote "Major Tom." The Cold, Hard Truth: Kids that try and evoke the Goblin Horde don't get valuable lessons in responsibility; they get put under professional supervision by child psychologists. Labyrinth's female protagonist would have been charged with child endangerment, criminal negligence, and putting a rift in the fabric of reality. Worse, all the muppet friends she (and by proxy, we) fell in love with are nothing more than inanimate heaps of laundry being wiggled around by a middle-aged guy who makes a living putting his hands up fake asses. Damaging False Beliefs Traceable to Film: Learning to contact juggle crystal spheres will make your the coolest kid in school. There is a secret world of magic and wonder, and if we're good enough, we'll get to see it. The Dark Crystal was awesome.
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: What do you call two skunks who are 69-ing? A: Odor eaters.
Q: How do you get a retarded kid to kill himself? A: Give him a knife and then ask him who’s special.
NUTTED BY REALITY
The penultimate episode of "The Amazing Race 12" gave us something we haven’t had in a long time: A final three without a real villain. The editors and story producers have been playing up each team’s deficiencies (to the point where it now seems like they’re just reusing the same footage since the teams say the same things each week), and now we know why. There isn’t really someone to root against in the final three, which was revealed on Sunday’s episode, so instead of tension born of ugly personalities or interpersonal conflict, we’ll have tension from life lessons. At the start of the penultimate episode, Nate said that he and Jen were going to get serious. “We’re like the Incredible Hulk. All the sudden we’re just gonna explode and tear our shirts off and, just, everyone’s going to be, Whoa!, and say, Watch out for Jen and Nate.” Because he’s crazy. For some reason, Nicolas decided to declare that everyone wasn’t masculine enough for his tastes—including himself. “We’ve been playing the game like bitches so far, and so has everyone else. No competitors are left; there’s a bunch of pansies in the game,” he said. Nate said, “Jen and I know absolutely nothing about Taiwan, except, we think Thai food’s pretty good.” That’s so dumb it doesn’t even deserve mocking, but I think he actually might have been kidding, since he looked and Jen and sort of smirked before the editors cut away. “Do you see anything up here?” TK said. Did you notice your camera operator turning around and filming the clue box right as you walked by it? Clearly not. I still can’t believe how teams manage to miss their camera operators’ clues. “I just can’t believe you’re being this mean to me on my birthday; I haven’t even done anything,” Jen said, as if they’re nice to each other on the 363 days that it’s not one of their birthdays. One of the questions I’m most frequently asked about "The Amazing Race" is whether or not teams have to go through immigration, since we hardly every see that. They do, waiting in long lines with everyone else, which is boring and that’s why it doesn’t make it on TV. But we saw them in line this week when three teams bunched up at immigration (even though TK and Rachel arrived on a different flight). TK’s competitors have some weird fetishistic thing about his body hair. “I wanna rip those dreads out of his head,” Jen said. I’ll give her that one, since that would be a violent, painful action used to express anger or frustration. But I don’t get Nicolas’ fantasy about TK’s hair, although whatever works for him is fine. “I really want to shave his beard off,” he said. Introducing the Roadblock, which involved riding in two awesome but ultimately innocuous stunt cars, Phil decided that the thrill wasn’t enough. “If they’re still alive when it’s over, they’ll receive their next clue,” he said. Maybe he’s on to something with this life-or-death thing. Next season, maybe failing a task should result in death; that’d increase ratings more than just pretending it’s true. Speaking of danger, the Speedbump required TK and Rachel to run through a field of fireworks being shot at them, which actually seemed like great fun, especially since they were wearing protective gear and helmets. Jen and Nick aren’t the only ones paying attention to their competition’s heads. “I saw Nick’s big head coming around the corner, and I was the most fired up I’ve been on this race,” TK said. “I just don’t understand why we’re working so hard. TK and Rachel just slack off and they caught up to us. It’s stupid.” Well, Jen, that’s because you only work hard at being a horrible person. “You need to step up and make the decisions, because I can’t anymore,” Jen said. “I’m just saying you need to make the decision right now. Please, you’re the man.” She didn’t say that last part like “You the man!” but instead like, “Your penis wields powers that my vagina can only dream about, so decision-making is up to you!” However, Nate was not happy about letting his decision-making penis spring into action and decide to take a bus, so before they boarded, he screamed, “Honestly, Jen, I can’t stand you. All you do is freak out!” After insisting that they take a subway instead of a cab, which turned out to not be the best idea, Jen pretended she hadn’t just done what she’d just done, trying to blame it on Nate. “You’re the one who said, subway, subway, subway!” he said. “Oh, I said that?” she responded, incredulously. Moments later, she said, “Thanks a lot for ruining my freakin’ birthday.” Her boyfriend said, “You make it impossible not to.” Ah, love. Arriving at the Roadblock, Jen said, “We need to stay positive right now.” Well, now we have a good example for the dictionary entry of “too late, too late, idiot.” Despite being three hours behind and having a Speedbump task to complete, TK and Rachel arrived at the pit stop in second place, giving conflict-averse people a team to cheer on. “Anybody who says we didn’t try or we got lucky or whatever, we’ve been trying our very hardest all day,” Rachel insisted. Ron and Christina arrived in first, again, after being very far ahead of everyone for most of the day. After some tense editing, Nicolas and his grandfather arrived at the pit stop in third place, sending them on to the finale, and Jen and Nate home. “Fudge,” Nate said. “I think that we killed our relationship along the way,” Jen realized while they were standing alone in a giant plaza. Had they not been so abrasive for the past 11 episodes, I might have actually been touched by their subsequent displays of emotion and realizations about their focus on the game instead of their relationship. But instead I just touched the delete button on my DVR and they left my TV screen for good.
GEEK TALK
Warner Brothers has officially pulled the plug on Justice League of America, according to Variety -- or, to be more precise, put it on hold. Erik Davis alerted us to the possibility earlier this week: the studio had until Tuesday to decide whether to officially green light the project so production could begin this spring for release in Summer 2009. Variety says that the contract options were allowed to lapse for the young cast chosen by director George Miller, which rules out an early start. Now it looks like late summer or fall before the project can get underway. Oddly enough, the cast members were reportedly informed Tuesday night that, while their options had lapsed, the studio still wanted them to play the roles for which they had been cast. Officially, the reasons for the delay are that Warners didn't get an official response on tax breaks they wanted for filming in Australia and that the script by Kieran and Michele Mulroney needed more work, which isn't possible right now because of the writers' strike. The cast members included Adam Brody as The Flash, Megan Gale as Wonder Woman and Armie Hammer Jr. as Batman. The project as a whole has not incited gale forces of enthusiasm so far, so maybe this delay will give everyone a chance to step back and reconsider whether this is really the superhero tent-pole that Warner Brothers wants to make.
MOVIE BUZZ
The Hobbit 2
Elijah Wood claims Peter Jackson has told him via email that the already-planned sequel to the Hobbit will be all-new material and serve as a "bridge" to the LOTR trilogy. Wood's not sure if he'll be in the film, though, since it will feature a younger, hipper Frodo, experimenting with piercing various body parts with his "precious."
Diary of the Dead
Oh, now I get it! The trailer for George Romero's new zombie flick shows that the "diary" is actually a video that documents the rise of the living dead. Hmmm. I thought it was about some teen girl's journal or something, e.g., "Dear Diary: I love Brandon and all, but all he ever wants to do is eat my brains."
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
In the just released picture, Harrison Ford and Shia La Beouf are seen entering a room filled with cobwebs and ancient artifacts. No, it's not a still from the movie. Ford just hired the kid to help him tidy up his garage.
The Bank Job
In the action-filled trailer, Jason Statham stars as a thief who's hired to rob a safety deposit box to steal some dirty pictures of a royal princess performing intimate acts. I hope my wife doesn't see this film. She might hire these guys to find my porn video stash. Just kidding, I don't have a porn stash.
New York, I Love You
After starring in a gazillion Woody Allen films, Scarlett Johansson is going to try her hand behind the camera by directing a segment of this anthology in the vein of Paris, Je T'Aime. It's gonna be about a pervy older dude who stalks a voluptuous starlet.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Hugh Jackman's muttonchopped superhero has finally gotten his nemesis: Liev Schreiber has just been hired to play evil mutant Sabretooth. And if Liev needs any suggestions on how to handle a big hairy dude, he can just ask his girlfriend, King Kong's Naomi Watts.
Dead Already
Guess who wants to be the next big action star? Believe it or not, Dane Cook has eyes on starring in a buddy cop movie that he claims is nothing like anything he's seen before. Funny, I thought the film title referred to his career after Good Luck Chuck.
Tenderness
Russell Crowe is looking pretty retro in the promo photos from his upcoming thriller about a cop convinced that a girl's boyfriend is a serial killer. Let's see: Vicious murderer? Or Crowe's hot temper? The girl might stay with her boyfriend.
There you go, the latest entry of the Phile. The latest goal is to hit 4000 views by Easter which is at the end of March. Until next week, check out the Phile's Myspace page at Myspace.com/peverettphile and Foghat.com where you can buty some cool merch from Loentz's Emporium. Oh, and I still want to do a Peverett Phile t-shirt, so maybe that will be done soon. As always, spread the word, not the turd.
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