Thursday, February 21, 2008

Election 2008: 99 Problems And The Bitch Is One

Hey, kids, welcome to another entry of the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated blog. So, yesterday was my 20th Anniversary at Walt Disney World. Twenty years.
That's like two decades. They gave me a big cake and my 20 year service pin, and I got a lot of attention. When you hit 20 years at Disney you get to choose a watch or a ring. For years I wanted the watch, but as I have a white gold wedding ring, my wife Jen said a gold watch would look stupid, so I ended up ordering a silver ring. Knowing my luck next year they'll offer a silver watch but it'll be too late. Out in California, they recalled 143 million pounds of tainted beef. That’s one triple-stacked burger at Wendy’s. A hundred forty three pounds of tainted beef! I believe that’s the largest amount of tainted meat since Roger Clemens. How about the presidential campaign. Barack Obama and John Edwards got together over the weekend. Edwards may endorse Barack Obama. Although his hair is leaning towards Hillary. John McCain seems reinvigorated. He has a new campaign slogan, “he’ll lead you into the 21st century.” I like it better than his old slogan, “he’ll lead you into assisted living.” Hillary Clinton is accusing Barack Obama of plagiarizing a speech by a Massachusetts governor. She may have a point: The speech was entitled “I love chowda.” Over the weekend in Ohio, former President Bill Clinton had an angry confrontation with a heckler who claimed at one point Bill Clinton made physical contact. Clinton denied any physical contact, but again, he always does. President Bush is in Africa right now. He met the president of Tanzania and gave him a pair of Shaquille O’Neil sneakers. The president of Tanzania was thrilled and said he plans to use Shaq’s shoes as a house for hundreds of people. I want to get this off my chest: For the past 20 years at Disney, I have been using performance-enhancing vodka.
Andy Pettitte apologized for using growth hormone. Nothing yet from Jane Fonda. Cuban dictator Fidel Castro announced he is stepping down, ending five decades of rule. The biggest surprise is when Castro announced he’s going to retire in Miami. About time Castro retired. He is almost 81 years old — that is the same age as John McCain. Castro announced his retirement on the Internet. This is the man who blocked the Internet in his own country. He has a blog. Probably has a MySpace page as well — “Current mood: Evil.” Fidel is being replaced by a younger, sexier Castro: his younger brother Raul. Is this even possible? Can you imagine a country run by one family for years and years and years? That could never happen here . . . ahem. Steven Spielberg pulled out of the Beijing Olympics. He wasn’t competing or anything . . . he was the artistic adviser. He quit because of China’s poor record on human rights. Chinese officials were so upset they couldn’t torture anyone all week. I want to announce that I am not part of the 143 million pounds of recalled meat. The FDA has ruled that I am both safe and delicious to eat. What a banner two days for space geeks. The Shuttle Atlantis landed. I was greeted with two sonic booms just after 0900. There was a Lunar eclipse starting at 2042 and at 2230 they shot down that rogue satellite. It's a good week. Am I the only one who finds it absurd that they've named a space shuttle after something which is most famous for being lost forever beneath the ocean never to be seen or heard from again? It certainly wouldn't be my first name for an object that routinely hurtles towards the earth. Not nearly as awful as naming a condom "Trojan" of course. Or "Ramses" for that matter. In these trying times of economic downturns, terrorist attacks around the globe, armed assassins attacking our schools, soldiers coming home in boxes, war, death and misery everywhere… it sure was cool to log on and see a kick ass story about blowing shit up in space with missiles!


Walt Disney World Resort will always be dedicated to making dreams come true. In this magical world, fantasy is real and reality is fantastic. A wonderful sense of community awaits, where all are greeted as welcome Guests and become cherished friends. For all who work and play here, Walt Disney World Resort will be a source of joy and inspiration. This is a true story, and you might want to get a Kleenex out.
In 2006 during a seemingly routine performance of Storytime with Belle, Belle and her friend, Brittany Mumford, chose a young male child, approximately 11 years old, to participate in the show. In the few moments of interaction to assist the child on stage, his parents informed Belle that their son was autistic. They cautioned of his dislike of being "handled," and although apprehensive, helped encourage him on stage as he seemed receptive to the notion. They watched intensely as Belle continued her story using her assistant. Their son was portraying Papa, Belle's father, an inventor, and Belle asked him what his invention would be. After a brief silence (and concerned looks from the parents), the boy blurted out "Spaceship." The show continued on and then ended with the invitation for the audience to experience a meet and greet with Belle. The boy and his parents waited for the crowd to disperse; while the son hung back, his parents (extremely emotional) approached Belle. It turns out, at 11 years old, their son had never spoken. And while up on stage, with Belle, in front of a few hundred Guests, including his beaming parents, he chose to speak his first word: spaceship. The boy and his family returned to the Walt Disney World Resort a year later during the 2007 holiday season. During their stay, whenever they came to the Magic Kingdom Park, they saw each and every Storytime with Belle show. After each show, the boy would present Belle with a single red rose. During one of the performances, he appeared eager to participate and once again was selected to portray Papa on stage. The experience was unlike anything anyone expected; he took the stage with enthusiasm and animation. He spoke in full sentences and was the star of the show. While still apprehensive about being "handled," his parents informed Belle how the past year had been a miracle for the family. His development was beyond what they could have imagined, and he was now speaking and interacting as if he never had any challenges. Ever since that day in 2006, his progress had been extraordinary; the family tells and retells the story of his first word with Belle and the magic here at the Walt Disney World Resort. Belle has an entire mirror completely framed by the red roses the boy gave her as a reminder of his story and how much impact we can and do have on each and every one of our Guests. You crying yet?


These are some of the e-mails I got for reaching twenty years at Disney.
A great big CONGRATULATIONS to you!! I'll try to come by today to congratulate you in person. Carol
After watching you do what you do everyday.....I can't believe you lasted 20 years either!! (sorry, I couldn't resist!) Congratulations on your 20 years. I am proud to call you my friend. Will you be retiring soon? Norm Caron
woo hoo! congratulations!
Hey Jason: I hope you get to last 20 more, but then I don't know how you are going to pull that one off. I hope to work with you for a long, long time. You are a lot of fun. I would pat you on the back....... Milisa Demoulin
Don't worry. We cant believe you lasted that long either;) but I'm glad you did!!!
Congrats!! But you are suppose to come to work on that day to let us celebrate with you!!!!! Hope you had a great day! Eugene
Onward and upward! Congratulations on the big 20. Rita


Edward Despard and six co-conspirators were hanged, drawn, and quartered at Horsemonger Lane Gaol for plotting to assassinate England's King George III and to destroy the Bank of England. He is the last person to suffer this punishment.
America's greatest phallic symbol, the Washington Monument, is dedicated by President Chester A. Arthur. The shaft towers over 555 into the air, and sports an aluminum foreskin.
Start of the Battle of Verdun, which in nine months yielded 975,000 casualties and almost no change in the front line. It is the bloodiest battle in history, and often the one remarked as having the "highest density of dead per square yard."
The first attempted hijacking of an airplane occurs when revolutionary soldiers in Peru seize a Ford Tri-motor and demand pilots drop propaganda leaflets over the capital, Lima.
Malcolm X assassinated in a Manhattan ballroom, probably by fellow black muslims.
Nixon visits Red China, fulfilling the Vulcan proverb.
Television evangelist Jimmy Swaggart of the Assemblies of God, with tears streaming down his face, confesses sinning with a prostitute in a Louisiana hotel room. A second scandal with yet another prostitute emerges in 1991, further killing his evangelical career.


Kim Sjostrom wanted a real-life version of the film My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which played in the background as friends fixed her hair and makeup before her own marriage ceremony. But less than an hour after she and Teddy Efkarpides were wed, Sjostrom crumpled in her husband's arms during a Greek song that means "Love Me." At 36, Sjostrom was dead from heart disease. The wedding had became a project at Davie Elementary School, where Sjostrom taught first grade. Fellow teachers provided the wedding gown, the flowers and decorations. One of them, an ordained minister, performed the ceremony. "It was perfect for her," said Dominic Church, the minister friend. Sjostrom carried blue and white flowers during the ceremony — the colors of the Greek flag — as she exchanged vows with Efkarpides, a 43-year-old carpenter and Navy veteran. They had met three years to the day before the Jan. 19 wedding. During the couple's first dance, Sjostrom complained of being lightheaded. Efkarpides thought his wife, a diabetic, needed sugar, but she collapsed. Wedding guests, paramedics and doctors at a nearby hospital were unable to revive her.
She had a previous cardiac episode in her 20s and was a poster child — literally — for juvenile diabetes, relatives and friends said. Efkarpides recalled seeing the poster featuring her on New York subways. He consoles himself by reading a list of "101 Reasons Why I Love You" that Sjostrom gave him their first Christmas together. "Number 1. You make me smile." No. 98 is especially difficult: "You're the one I want to grow old with."


Q: What do you call a rabbit with a crooked dick? A: Fucks Funny.
Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets? A: So he could run his fingers through his hair.


From the home office in Groveland, Florida, here is this week's top ten list.
Top Ten Slogans For the All-Nude Airline
10. "Sure Beats That All-Nude Busline"
9. "So Friendly, Even Our Pilots Share Their Nuts"
8. "You Are Now Free To Moon The Country"
7. "We're Bringing Back the 'Smokin!' Section"
6. "Where Hijacking Takes On a Whole New Meaning"
5. "The Airline Formerly Known as Virgin"
4. "Ralph Feinnes Tested, Ralph Feinnes Approved"
3. "Bon Voyeur!"
2. "Going Down In Our Planes Is a Pleasure"
And the number one slogan for the all-nude airline...
1. "We Love To Fly... And It Shows!"


With most of the mutants, they get some funky superpower mutation and look cool -- whether they can hide it until they need it, like Wolverine, or whether it just results in some super-sexy white hair like Rogue. Then, you get dudes like Beak -aka- Barnell Bohusk. He starts turning into a humanoid bird and feels freakish and ashamed. (And some of the others thought they had it bad...) Well, if the website Just Jared is right, Beak is in 20th Century Fox's X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and he'll be played by Dominic Monaghan. He's certainly a man who gets around, between helping to save the world in Hobbit form and being quite "Lost". And while this sequel originally seemed to be a lone Logan sort of feature, it's become quite the X-Men extravaganza.
As for Beak's story -- he was a kid born in the Netherlands whose puberty was particularly rough. As Wikipedia describes it: "His body changed into that of a humanoid-bird form, with a beaked face, bulbous eyes, wing-like arms that give him the ability to fly (albeit clumsily), talons on his hands and feet, and double-jointed knees." He went into hiding over his appearance, and then found his way to the Xavier Institute. I'm not sure how he'll fit into this story, but he did take over Wolverine's shack to house his winged babies with Angel Salvadore, so maybe that'll come into play.


X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Ryan Reynolds is assassin Deadpool, Taylor Kitsch's the mutant Gambit, and rapper will play the teleporting Kestrel. The only role not cast yet is the Blob, the 1,200-pound mutant who will be played by someone wearing a giant fat suit. I nominate Gwyneth Paltrow. She looked pretty good in Shallow Hal.
Filth and Wisdom
Madonna's directorial debut may not only skip theaters but DVD as well, and be sold directly as a download from iTunes. Who knew that the Internet could be such a popular medium for downloading filth?
Jumper 2
Doug Liman is already excited about making a sequel, in which he figures Hayden Christensen can either travel back in time or work for the government. Great. An IRS agent who can literally check to see if I'm really cheating on my receipts.
The Incredible Hulk
They say the first trailer won't be available until sometime in March, but to tide us over, there's some pics of a full-scale replica of the jolly green giant. And if you think the Hulk looks angry, that's nothing compared to how I'm going to look if that trailer doesn't arrive ASAP.
The Dam
First it was Rocky. Then it was Rambo. Now Stallone is angling to return as Gabe Walker in a sequel to Cliffhanger. Except they're going to make this more kid-friendly and have Sly face off against a gang of angry beavers.
The Last Supper
Iconoclastic director Peter Greenaway is planning to animate Leonardo Da Vinci's actual painting as a film. At last, we'll finally get an answer to the question that has plagued scholars for centuries: Did Jesus burp?

There you go, phans, the latest entry. I still hope we hit 4000 views by Easter, which is about a month to go. Until next week, check out the site and the site. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd. Peace.


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