Welcome to the Phile, the web's most updated blog on the internet. Guess what, kids? You did it. We have reached 3000 views. My goal was to hit 3000 by Christmas and we hit it a week before Thanksgiving. Bloody cool if you ask me. So, all the late night talk shows are on repeats because of the writer's strike, so that means I can't rip off anybody's monologue. Crap. Okay, I'll come up with ALL the jokes for once. So, the other day this guy drove by a gas station and pooped all in his pants. He took his clothes off and threw them to the side of the road. A bum sitting there woke up, and swatted away at the flying clothes. He looked at it and said, "Man, I just beat the shit out of someone." So, Matt Damon was voted People Magazine's most sexiest man. I didn't even get an honorable mention. In Disneyland On Friday, workers at the Anaheim theme park spotted a guest on the ride sprinkling an unidentified substance into the water, prompting them to close the attraction and alert police. That's not to be confused with the unidentified substance I left in the Epcot Cast Cafeteria bathroom. A Dutch teenager has been arrested for allegedly stealing virtual furniture from rooms in Habbo Hotel, a 3D social networking website. How can you steal something from a virtual hotel? In related news, an American child
was arrested from stealing virtual furniture from Webkins. The U.S. Sentencing Commission is considering retroactive changes that could mean shortened sentences for nearly 20,000 federal prisoners convicted of crack cocaine related offenses. Yeah, release the crackheads! Hey, why is it called shipment when you take something in a car, and cargo when you take something on a boat? Researchers unveiled a skeleton of the elephant-sized Nigersaurus taqueti this week. Nigersaurus had a wide mouth shaped like the intake slot of a vacuum cleaner and a light-weight skull that let it graze for long periods. They were going to call it Shaniquasaurus. It was found right next to another dinosaur with a grin on his face and its penis next to the Nigersaurus' mouth. When he heard of the name of the dinosuar Al Sharpton demanded scientists change the name. Hey, why is it everytime you hear of a man named Tiny he is 300 pounds? Two of country music's biggest stars are joining forces for a U.S. tour early next year.
Keith Urban and Carrie Underwood will hit the road together beginning Jan. 31 in a city to be announced. The outing will play 24 dates to be announced; tickets go on sale Dec. 1. Speaking of Urban, he and Toby Keith should record an album together. They could call it "Keith Urban". Okay, there you have it, the first 100% Peverett Phile
original monologue that I spent all week writing. Ten Worst Toys List for 2007 has been issued. List seems pretty lame. They could just pick ten toys at random with a "Made in China" label.
DISNEY'S AMERICA
Three disabled people have sued Walt Disney World for not allowing them to use their Segways to move around its theme parks. The plaintiffs are each able to stand but cannot walk far, and they have been denied permission to use their two-wheel vehicles at Disney World, according to the federal court lawsuit. The suit filed Friday says they're among an estimated 4,000 to 7,000 similarly disabled people who have turned to Segways as mobility tools. A group called Disability Rights Advocates for Technology, which raises money to donate Segways to disabled U.S. military veterans and pushes for their acceptance, previously asked theme parks to lift bans on the devices. Group co-founder Jerry Karr said Segways offer more mobility and dignity than wheelchairs. Disney says it fears Segways could endanger other guests because they can go faster than 12 mph. "We've made our position very clear on these Segways in our parks," Disney spokeswoman Jacquee Polak told the Orlando Sentinel on Friday. "Our primary concern is the safety of all our guests and our cast members. We have a long history of being a leader in creating accessible experiences for our guests with disabilities." Plaintiff Mahala Ault, 33, has multiple sclerosis; Dan Wallace, lost one foot in an accident and Stacie Rhea has Lou Gehrig's disease. The suit did not give their hometowns, saying only that Ault and Wallace are from Illinois and Rhea is from Iowa.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1864
The sack and burning of Atlanta by General William Tecumseh Sherman, making Georgia howl. That act and the subsequent March to the Sea makes Sherman the most hated and despised man in Georgia history.
1940
Nazis quarantine the Warsaw Ghetto, population 400,000 Juden.
1941
SS chief Himmler orders the arrest and concentration of all homosexuals in Germany. Excluded were certain top Nazi officials who happened to be fags, including Himmler.
1978
A chartered Icelandic Airlines DC-8 with 249 pilgrims returning from Mecca, crashes on approach to Sri Lanka's international airport in Colombo, killing 183 believers.
1979
A package from the Unabomber in the mail carried aboard American flight 444 explodes on the way to Washington. Several people suffer smoke inhalation.
1985
A research assistant is injured when he opens a present from the Unabomber addressed to a University of Michigan professor.
1990
Producers acknowledge that Milli Vanilli (the 1990 "Best Artist" Grammy Award winners) did not sing on their album. One of the duo, Robert Pilatus, later attempts suicide in 1991 but he couldn't even get that performance right. He does succeed 7 years later, though.
ASK PEVERETT
Dear Peverett, I haven't gotten laid in a year and a half and I've started listening to Depeche Mode. Does this mean I'm turning gay?
Why the hell haven't you gone to Russia to meet whats-her-name? An expensive lay, yes, but sure to occur. Women will do anything for a green card.... ( men too...)
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: How do you know you’re getting old? A: Your wife gives up sex for lent and you don’t find out until Easter.
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: You fuck her.
Q: What do you call a hillbilly who owns both sheep and goats? A: Bisexual.
SHARPENING AXES
The average bank cashier loses $310 a year.
It takes 2,354 tissues to stop a bullet.
The font Woody Allen uses in the majority of his films' credit sequences is Windsor-EF Elongated.
In Arab countries, the Red Cross is called Red Crescent.
Princess Aurora was Sleeping Beauty's real name.
Earth travels through space at 66,700 miles per hour.
Punk rocker Iggy Pop's real name is James Newell Osterberg, Jr. He started using Iggy after his first band in high school, the Iguanas.
Smallpox is the onlyhuman infectious disease to have been completely eradicated from nature.
In Hinduism, there are 330 million gods.
Scientists say the higher your I.Q. is the more you dream.
You use 200 muscles to take one step.
During the production of a movie, the last shot of the day is known as the "martini shot."
Fewer than 1% of searchers use the "I'm Feeling Lucky" on Google's homepage.
"Gung ho" is Chinese for "work together."
Marcel Marceau's real name was Marcel Mangel.
The average adult stool weighs about four ounces.
Most men can't remember the names of all their sex partners.
Catoptrophobia is a fear of mirrors.
In Starship Troopers, more bullets were fired than in any other movie ever made.
Tina Turner's real name is Annie Mae Bullock.
NUTTED BY REALITY
I missed the first episode of "The Amazing Race 12" but I did see the second episode. So, starting this entry of the Phile, I will do my recap of the show. Something odd happened on Sunday's episode of "The Amazing Race 12"—besides the fact that it actually started on time. Usually, the show’s editors ratchet up the tension in the final few moments, but this time, they were absent. So, too, was God, who did not intervene to help out some of his people. Shana and Jennifer are determined to prove that blondes cannot transcend stereotypes. “Clearly I haven’t had a facial or a manicure, but it’s even tougher than you can even imagine,” Shana (I think) said, covering shallowness and vanity. Jennifer made sure we didn’t confuse her with someone who was either smart or who’d ever driven a car before. Driving, she said, “Well, my brights aren’t staying on, so I have to hold them with one hand for the entire way — unless I’m just an idiot?” Shana agreed with the last part: “She asks that question a lot.” Usually religious people argue that God has nothing better to do than influence the results of a reality show, so it was refreshing to hear minister Kate say, “We are religious people, but we have no illusions that God cares whether or not we win the "Amazing Race".” Her partner Pat asked with mock incredulity, “No?”
Waiting for airline tickets, Jason asked, “Why is it taking so long?” Perhaps because the airline was printing tickets on a dot matrix printer. Apparently, they were at the Museum of 1992 Technology Airport. Ronald wore a t-shirt that asked “Who’s Your Daddy?”, and he made sure everyone knew that the answer was Ronald. At the airport, he parented Nicolas, who was berating an airline employee (“Please move a little faster.”) Ronald told him, “You got a mouth that basically starts with bad energy. … That’s your whole problem.” But even when he’s being an ass, and he’s frequently an ass, Ronald is hysterical. “I have maybe some problems with interpretation, but the words that come through my ear is very clear, because I cleared all the wax yesterday,” he said. At the Detour, which involved hoisting furniture up the side of a building, Vyxsin said, “I felt pretty comfortable doing the knots. I used to…” Immediately I thought she would end that with, “be into S&M.” But no, my stereotyping was wrong, as she ended the sentence with an even more shocking statement: “I used to macrame.” “This sucks,” Rachel said about the Detour task, which involved hoisting furniture up the side of a building. Whoever’s furniture was getting banged and scraped to shit probably thought the same thing. Ronald has a way of talking in an extremely, excruciatingly annoyingly patient tone — just like the pet shop employee in “Best in Show” who has to deal with Meg Swan’s search for a Busy Bee. replacement. When he and his daughter decided to switch Detour tasks, he said, “Where do we head now? See, that’s the other thing. Is it in that direction, or here, or?” Some reanimated child-size dolls from It’s a Small World were standing on the mat next to Phi, and Jason told them, “aren’t you guys cute.” Ronald, who later said he has “become the Archie Bunker of the home,” also makes up his own colloquialisms. He told his increasingly frustrated daughter, “I’m trying to give you the real truth that other people won’t tell you you have boogers in your [bow/boat/bowl].”
Because the panty hose on his arms and makeup didn’t give it away, Kynt explained to us, “I’m not one of those get down and dirty kind of boys. I’m kind of prissy.”
Nicolas learned an important lesson at the Roadblock. Whenever an old person says, “Oh, I can do that,” ignore them—especially because it may sometimes lead that old person to say, “I had to strip down a little bit” and take off all his clothes except for some frighteningly large black bikini briefs. On the mat, Phil joked to Donald, “There’ve been complaints from the locals you got down to your underpants.” But Donald said, “I went further than that.” Continuing to be an ass, Ronald told his daughter Christina, “You need to lose some weight.” At that very moment, their bike tipped over, and Ronald received his punishment, a “crotch-buster,” as he called it.
God failed to interfere in Pat and Kate’s race, and so did the editors. For once, there was no fake tension at the end of the race; for a long period of time, it was a forgone conclusion that Kate and Pat would be in last place and be eliminated. There’s something both refreshing and disorienting about a tension-less conclusion to an episode of "The Amazing Race".
Okay, as far as "Kid Nation" goes, have children grown more apologetic since my days as a child? The kids of "Kid Nation" are often as cruel to each other as I recall but then they go and apologize. What's up with that? Well, they don't always apologize. Feelings get hurt; tears get shed. Maybe it's cruel, but the kids will eventually find out being an adult isn't all it's cracked up to be at all times, either. I think I've seen adults apologize a lot less often than the kids on the show. Perhaps they have some sort of super-strain of kids there -- intelligent and mature beyond their years. Some of them, anyway. And some of the solid ones are starting to crack a bit.
HEROES
Peter Petrelli: "I remember...I remember everything." Adam Monroe: "Good, then...Shall we save the world?" So, if you're a hero, a lot can happen in four months. And, apparently, a lot is going to happen in the next three episodes as our favorite heroes have to save the world (and probably the cheerleader) again. From those scenes from next week's "Heroes", it looks like there may be a stand-off coming between the two father-daughter pairs on the show (Noah/Claire & Bob/Elle). I can't wait to see that. Some may disagree with me, but I thought this was a great episode. I know nothing really moved forward in the "present-day plot" so to speak, but we got a lot of much-needed answers about some of the key players on the show. And, most importantly, Peter Petrelli got his memory back. Brainless Peter was just annoying.
GEEK TALK
Could it ... be? Maybe? Potentially? Possibly? Is Warner Bros finally about to announce their official cast for the live action Justice League of America film? Should we celebrate? Throw a party? Go out for drinks? Raise a pair of underwear up a flagpole (quick, which movie)? I wouldn't go getting your hopes up just yet (I'm talking to you Mr. "I wear the same JLA shirt 30 days in a row) -- but if IESB is correct, we could be hearing who was cast in this thing at some point this week. Yes, they apparently talked to some Warner Bros. sources who claim the cast is locked -- everyone is in double secret probation mode -- and an announcement should be coming within the next couple days. A recent Variety article claimed some huge studio tent poles could suffer delays because of the current writers strike, and that Justice League of America was one of those films. Not so, says this WB source, and so it'll be interesting to see what happens throughout the week. Who should we expect in the roles of Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter and Phile Man? It's anyone's guess at this point; director George Miller and his team have auditioned almost all of "Young Hollywood" and from what we hear, Miller's done a bunch of talent scouting over in Australia as well. Chances are we'll see a mix of American and Australian talent -- faces that are kinda sorta familiar, but no one really big. Then again, they could surprise us with a high-profile actor or actress, but after the whole Jessica Biel debacle, I highly doubt it. Who do you want to see in the film?
MOVIE BUZZ
Star Trek
The first spy photos of Zachary Quinto as Spock proves the actor looks good with pointy ears. But … I thought this was a big budget film. What's up with the cheap Salvation Army sweater? The future doesn't have Armani or anything?
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
A Russian movie site has uploaded a bunch of new promo stills, including one of Brendan Fraser flying through the air with a knife. But this isn't a scene from the film. To keep himself in shape, this is actually how Brendan caught his lunch everyday.
Transformers 2
Michael Bay is so tired of fans leaking info that he's gonna plant fake info all over the web to throw people off. It's not such a great plan, though. His first false rumor claims that the sequel doesn't even have any giant robots in it.
Suicide Girls: The Movie
The punk-rock strippers may be producing and starring in their first horror movie. I don't know why they need to make a fictional film. A documentary showing the girls getting pierced and/or tattooed would be plenty gross enough.
Major Movie Star
Jessica Simpson stars as a spoiled, bankrupt actress who joins the Army and goes into basic training in the awful trailer. Although the "basic" training she really needs is some good acting lessons.
Revolver
The trailer for Guy Ritchie's latest caper uses a heavy-handed chess metaphor for the games played between Ray Liotta and Jason Statham. At least that's a step up from whatever the Madonna metaphor was in Swept Away.
Stones
Director Ridley Scott's at work on a supernatural thriller about the destruction of ancient artifacts, including the formation at Stonehenge. Though, when I first heard Scott was going to film old fossils all over the world, I assumed he was working on a tour documentary about the Rolling Stones.
The Long Walk
The Mist director Frank Darabont says for his next Stephen King adaptation he'd like to make a film out of the novel about teenage boys forced on a marathon walking competition. How far do the boys have to walk? Until they're finished reading every book King has written.
City of Men
The trailer for the sequel to City of God shows two teenage boys stuck in the middle of a violent gang war on the streets of Rio. Could be worse. They could be stuck between the striking screenwriters and the studios.
Best.Worst.Movie.
It's a documentary about the cult that's grown up around the infamously bad movie Troll 2, which starred a small-town dentist in his first acting role. Every one of his patients says that getting a root canal from him is less painful than watching him perform.
Run Biopic
Music mogul Russell Simmons wants to produce a biopic about the half of rap group Run-DMC who happens to be his brother, Joseph "Run" Simmons. Am I the only person who finds it ironic that the biggest hit from a guy named Run is a song called "Walk This Way"?
Well, that's it, phans, another entry of the Phile. The next entry is planned for next Thursday which happens to be Thanksgiving. So, unless I happen to fall asleep from eating to much turkey, I will see you then. Thanks for helping me reach my goal. Spread the word, not the turd. Peace.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Hillary Clinton is a Barrack Blocker
Hi there, and welcome to the Phile, the web's most updated blog. Merry "Time of the year when it's still several weeks until Christmas but you should be buying gifts anyway because this is a consumer culture and your possessions define you" Day. If you don't celebrate Christmas, I have a couple of things to say to you. First, I hope that dreidel comforts you while you're rotting in hell. And, second, just because you're not Christian doesn't mean you can't enjoy God Jr.'s birthday just as much as the rest of us. Just do all the typical Christmas stuff and designate December 25 "Matthew McConaughey Day" or "The Shampoo and Conditioner in 1 Festival". Okay, I was kidding. Ahem. So, for his birthday my son got "Guitar Hero 3" featuring my dad's
song "Slow Ride", and I have to admit, my wife kicked my ass on it. But revenge will
be sweet, because I will put the electric in electric guitar. Jessica Alba has announced that she will never do a nude scene in a movie. Never. I wrote a whole screen play for nothing! The big news from the world of literature was JK Rowling's announcement that Dumbledore was homosexual. Not to be outdone, the guy who wrote the Bible just announced that Jesus had a circle jerk with Judas and Matthew. In sports news, Alex Rodriguez (also known as J-Lo) has opted out of his contract with the New York Yankees. This is bad news for the Yankees, who've already lost manager Joe Torre, but there is good news. They can sign a bowl of zebra shit to play 3rd base, thus avoiding another huge salary, while still being able to win just as many championships as they did with Rodriguez. Go Tribe! So, there's a writer's strike in
Hollywood and all the talk shows are going into repeats, so how am I going to rip off a monologue? I mean, I write some jokes myself but the really funny stuff comes
from Leno, Letterman or Conan? Man, I'm screwed. So, if anything has some jokes,
political or elsewhat, please send them to me. Oh, here's one. Alphadots this kids toy
has the same chemical as a date rape pill. So, if my wife tastes something funny in her
Diet Coke... Logan returned home from school, informing me that he received an F in arithmetic and a stern spanking. “What happened?” I asked. “Well,” Logan said, “the teacher asked ‘How much is two times three?’ and I said ‘six.’” “But that’s right!” I said. “Then,” said Logan, “she asked me, ‘How much is three times two?’” “What’s the fucking difference?” I asked. “That’s what I said!” It was a joke, people.
R.I.P.
Hank Thompson, Country music HOFer: That settles it. Country music causes lung cancer.
Barbara West Dainton: Knock! Knock! (who's there?) Dainton! (Dainton who?)
Dainton-y mo Titanic suvivas 'cept for dat one english lady! Okay, that was very un-PC, I know.
George Osmond: Well, I think we can rule out booze, tobacco and caffeine products as factors in his demise... Say what you will about the Osmonds - "Crazy Horses" is a kickass song!
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
A Central Florida man is accused of punching and attacking a body inside an open casket during a funeral. Police said Timothy Cleary of Apopka walked into the Harvest Baptist Church located in the Parramore neighborhood in Orlando and attacked the body. Mourners at the funeral then attacked Cleary while others called 911. When officers arrived, they took Cleary into custody at the church. He faces several charges in connection with the incident. A public defender wanted Cleary held for a mental evaluation but a judge set bond Saturday at $350. A motive for the alleged attack was not known.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1879
Leon Trotsky's birthday!
1923
Adolf Hitler attempts to seize the government in Munich. The event is now known as the "Beer Hall Putsch" and lands his ass in jail.
1937
The Nazi exhibition Der ewige Jude (The Eternal Jew) opens in Munich, which ran until the 16th. Later, a film is released by the same name. "Wherever rats appear they bring ruin, by destroying mankind's goods and foodstuffs."
1973
The right ear of John Paul Getty III is delivered to a newspaper along with a ransom note. It takes two weeks to arrive. Previously, the kidnapping was thought to be a ruse by the son to obtain money, but the ear convinces his father to pay the $2.9M ransom.
1991
Convicted crack smoker Marion Barry, who served six months in prison in 1990, is re-elected mayor of Washington D.C. Astonishing. And even more astonishing, on the same day Sonny Bono is elected to the United States Congress.
1997
President Bill Clinton speaks at a dinner sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest gay rights organization. It is the first time an American president has so addressed a gathering of sodomites.
1997
A newborn baby is abandoned at a toilet in Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom. While the baby was found within five minutes of birth, police are still searching for the mother.
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: What should you do if you're attacked by a gang of clowns? A: Go for the juggler.
Q: What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato? A: A dictator.
Q: Why did the Texan buy a dachshund? A: The sheriff said, “Get along, little doggie.”
NUTTED BY REALITY
The kids on "Kid Nation" are starved for entertainment as we might all be soon. I'm already starved for it during the late night hours. Butlast episode was a fun night for the most part on the show. My main little man Jared was featured fairly prominently throughout the episode, the kids had some fun, and I even had a few snickers as I watched. I'd still like to have been a fly on the wall and witnessed how they get the kids on the topic of the journal entry each week separate from the town council leaders visiting the Shack of the Journal. I guess we might never know.
HEROES
There's good news and bad news coming out of the "Heroes'" universe. The good news: despite the ongoing WGA Strike, the current 'Generations' story arc running on the hit NBC show will conclude on December 3rd in an episode entitled 'Powerless'. The bad news: should the strike extend through the new year 'Powerless' may be the season finale for "Heroes". That's what Jeph Loeb, co-executive producer and writer of the series, is saying in press reports. Luckily, Loeb and executive producer/creator Tim Kring saw this strike coming ahead of time so they, and their crew, worked like crazy to get the first story arc done before the strike deadline. This made people like comic book artist Tim Sale, who creates art for the Isaac Mendez character, nearly have a nervous breakdown. Even with the hectic work schedule Loeb states that fans should be satisfied with the end of the first story arc as many hanging plot threads will be resolved. A season end in December will mean an extremely long wait for "Heroes" fans, particularly since the proposed mid-season "Heroes: Origins" has been put on hold. Don't expect any new Web comics to fill the gap, either, as payment for Internet material is the main reason why the WGA is striking. Fans can console themselves by picking up the "Heroes" graphic novel, which encapsulates the first 34 chapters of the Web comic.
GEEK TALK
So much for Batman's first official trip outside of Gotham City. Some folks are all up in arms over production on The Dark Knight currently taking place in Hong Kong. Apparently, producers on the film sent a letter to tenants and management companies in 60 buildings asking everyone to keep their lights on while filming was taking place to, ya know, make the scene prettier. Of course, environmentalists are all ticked off, claiming this isn't the right message to send when the entire world (including Hong Kong) are trying to reduce energy consumption. A project manager for a conservation group had this to say: "We welcome the filming of Batman in Hong Kong, but why do we need to keep the lights on to make the backdrop? It seems like film-making is coming before environmental protection." I'll speculate and imagine their answer might come in the form of: "Yeah, but don't you want the city to look pretty? It's sooooo pretty when all the lights are on." The light issue is just one of many that have plagued production overseas. Just recently, a scene which was supposed to feature Batman dropping from a plane into a harbor was cut after producers learned the water could pose a health risk. Sounds fairly reasonable, but isn't the Bat-Suit supposed to protect Batman from bullets, punches, kicks -- you're telling me the dude can't get wet? The Dark Knight is scheduled to arrive in theaters on July 18 ... with or without the lights on.
MOVIE BUZZ
Iron Man
A new international trailer has hit the web, which has a few new effects shots and a lot more scenes of co-star GwynethPaltrow. I'm still waiting to see a love scene between her and Robert Downey Jr. Something tells me she better stock up on cans of WD-40.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
A first look at the concept art fueling the demonic sequel, which includes drawings of the titular superhero and his enormous gun, called "Big Baby." Why's it called that? Cuz when he shoves its six barrels in your face, you start blubbering like one.
Star Trek
A teaser trailer featuring the building of the first Enterprise is said to be in the works. I'm excited. I hope they show where they put the toilets. I've seen every original and "Next Generation" episode, and not once have I ever seen anyone go to the bathroom.
Death Wish
Sylvester Stallone is eyeing to direct and star in a remake of the classic Charles Bronson vigilante flick. Last time Sly had a "death wish" was when he starred in the career-killing Stop or My Mom Will Shoot.
High Noon
Since the western genre has been making a comeback lately, they're now remaking the Gary Cooper classic. Although they may want to think about updating the title, since modern audiences might assume this is another Harold and Kumar sequel. Or something starring Owen Wilson.
Splice
Check out the creepy promo photos of the horror movie's main creature: a naked woman with a giant bald head, a tail and hands for feet. Yep, these come with a "WARNING: Mature" tag, but the only guys who are going to be turned on by them are the ones who prefer going to a freak show over a strip club.
Dances With Wolves 2
They're making a sequel to the Oscar-winning flick, but Kevin Costner says he won't be a part of it. Now we can call him Skips Away From Bad Ideas.
The Mist
There's another freaky trailer up, this one really playing up the film's religious angle. Reminds me of car trips as a kid. If we ran into some fog my dad would always start yelling "God darn it," too.
The Great Debaters
Denzel Washington talks a good game as a debate coach in the trailer for his latest directorial effort. His youngest co-star in the film is actor Denzel Whitaker, whose parents named him after you-know-who. That's one way to suck up to the boss.
Clash of the Titans
Robert Rodriguez says he was seriously considering directing the remake but turned it down for scheduling reasons. Well, that and since the film takes place in ancient Greece, he couldn't figure out how the hero Perseus could kill Medusa and the Kraken without any machine guns at his disposal.
Pride and Glory
In the trailer, Edward Norton and Colin Farrell star as brothers who are also cops, one of whom may be corrupt. What's with all these movies about crooked police officers? It makes me long for the days of all those Police Academys. Those guys may have been inept, but at least they were positive role models.
There you have it, phans, another entry of the Phile. I want to hit 3000 views by Christmas, and we are so, so close, so tell everybody to check the Phile out. You know, spread the word, not the turd. I was thinking, that's just a stupid saying I would say as a kid, and was going to stop saying that here, but I can't. Until next week...
song "Slow Ride", and I have to admit, my wife kicked my ass on it. But revenge will
be sweet, because I will put the electric in electric guitar. Jessica Alba has announced that she will never do a nude scene in a movie. Never. I wrote a whole screen play for nothing! The big news from the world of literature was JK Rowling's announcement that Dumbledore was homosexual. Not to be outdone, the guy who wrote the Bible just announced that Jesus had a circle jerk with Judas and Matthew. In sports news, Alex Rodriguez (also known as J-Lo) has opted out of his contract with the New York Yankees. This is bad news for the Yankees, who've already lost manager Joe Torre, but there is good news. They can sign a bowl of zebra shit to play 3rd base, thus avoiding another huge salary, while still being able to win just as many championships as they did with Rodriguez. Go Tribe! So, there's a writer's strike in
Hollywood and all the talk shows are going into repeats, so how am I going to rip off a monologue? I mean, I write some jokes myself but the really funny stuff comes
from Leno, Letterman or Conan? Man, I'm screwed. So, if anything has some jokes,
political or elsewhat, please send them to me. Oh, here's one. Alphadots this kids toy
has the same chemical as a date rape pill. So, if my wife tastes something funny in her
Diet Coke... Logan returned home from school, informing me that he received an F in arithmetic and a stern spanking. “What happened?” I asked. “Well,” Logan said, “the teacher asked ‘How much is two times three?’ and I said ‘six.’” “But that’s right!” I said. “Then,” said Logan, “she asked me, ‘How much is three times two?’” “What’s the fucking difference?” I asked. “That’s what I said!” It was a joke, people.
R.I.P.
Hank Thompson, Country music HOFer: That settles it. Country music causes lung cancer.
Barbara West Dainton: Knock! Knock! (who's there?) Dainton! (Dainton who?)
Dainton-y mo Titanic suvivas 'cept for dat one english lady! Okay, that was very un-PC, I know.
George Osmond: Well, I think we can rule out booze, tobacco and caffeine products as factors in his demise... Say what you will about the Osmonds - "Crazy Horses" is a kickass song!
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
A Central Florida man is accused of punching and attacking a body inside an open casket during a funeral. Police said Timothy Cleary of Apopka walked into the Harvest Baptist Church located in the Parramore neighborhood in Orlando and attacked the body. Mourners at the funeral then attacked Cleary while others called 911. When officers arrived, they took Cleary into custody at the church. He faces several charges in connection with the incident. A public defender wanted Cleary held for a mental evaluation but a judge set bond Saturday at $350. A motive for the alleged attack was not known.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1879
Leon Trotsky's birthday!
1923
Adolf Hitler attempts to seize the government in Munich. The event is now known as the "Beer Hall Putsch" and lands his ass in jail.
1937
The Nazi exhibition Der ewige Jude (The Eternal Jew) opens in Munich, which ran until the 16th. Later, a film is released by the same name. "Wherever rats appear they bring ruin, by destroying mankind's goods and foodstuffs."
1973
The right ear of John Paul Getty III is delivered to a newspaper along with a ransom note. It takes two weeks to arrive. Previously, the kidnapping was thought to be a ruse by the son to obtain money, but the ear convinces his father to pay the $2.9M ransom.
1991
Convicted crack smoker Marion Barry, who served six months in prison in 1990, is re-elected mayor of Washington D.C. Astonishing. And even more astonishing, on the same day Sonny Bono is elected to the United States Congress.
1997
President Bill Clinton speaks at a dinner sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest gay rights organization. It is the first time an American president has so addressed a gathering of sodomites.
1997
A newborn baby is abandoned at a toilet in Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom. While the baby was found within five minutes of birth, police are still searching for the mother.
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: What should you do if you're attacked by a gang of clowns? A: Go for the juggler.
Q: What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato? A: A dictator.
Q: Why did the Texan buy a dachshund? A: The sheriff said, “Get along, little doggie.”
NUTTED BY REALITY
The kids on "Kid Nation" are starved for entertainment as we might all be soon. I'm already starved for it during the late night hours. Butlast episode was a fun night for the most part on the show. My main little man Jared was featured fairly prominently throughout the episode, the kids had some fun, and I even had a few snickers as I watched. I'd still like to have been a fly on the wall and witnessed how they get the kids on the topic of the journal entry each week separate from the town council leaders visiting the Shack of the Journal. I guess we might never know.
HEROES
There's good news and bad news coming out of the "Heroes'" universe. The good news: despite the ongoing WGA Strike, the current 'Generations' story arc running on the hit NBC show will conclude on December 3rd in an episode entitled 'Powerless'. The bad news: should the strike extend through the new year 'Powerless' may be the season finale for "Heroes". That's what Jeph Loeb, co-executive producer and writer of the series, is saying in press reports. Luckily, Loeb and executive producer/creator Tim Kring saw this strike coming ahead of time so they, and their crew, worked like crazy to get the first story arc done before the strike deadline. This made people like comic book artist Tim Sale, who creates art for the Isaac Mendez character, nearly have a nervous breakdown. Even with the hectic work schedule Loeb states that fans should be satisfied with the end of the first story arc as many hanging plot threads will be resolved. A season end in December will mean an extremely long wait for "Heroes" fans, particularly since the proposed mid-season "Heroes: Origins" has been put on hold. Don't expect any new Web comics to fill the gap, either, as payment for Internet material is the main reason why the WGA is striking. Fans can console themselves by picking up the "Heroes" graphic novel, which encapsulates the first 34 chapters of the Web comic.
GEEK TALK
So much for Batman's first official trip outside of Gotham City. Some folks are all up in arms over production on The Dark Knight currently taking place in Hong Kong. Apparently, producers on the film sent a letter to tenants and management companies in 60 buildings asking everyone to keep their lights on while filming was taking place to, ya know, make the scene prettier. Of course, environmentalists are all ticked off, claiming this isn't the right message to send when the entire world (including Hong Kong) are trying to reduce energy consumption. A project manager for a conservation group had this to say: "We welcome the filming of Batman in Hong Kong, but why do we need to keep the lights on to make the backdrop? It seems like film-making is coming before environmental protection." I'll speculate and imagine their answer might come in the form of: "Yeah, but don't you want the city to look pretty? It's sooooo pretty when all the lights are on." The light issue is just one of many that have plagued production overseas. Just recently, a scene which was supposed to feature Batman dropping from a plane into a harbor was cut after producers learned the water could pose a health risk. Sounds fairly reasonable, but isn't the Bat-Suit supposed to protect Batman from bullets, punches, kicks -- you're telling me the dude can't get wet? The Dark Knight is scheduled to arrive in theaters on July 18 ... with or without the lights on.
MOVIE BUZZ
Iron Man
A new international trailer has hit the web, which has a few new effects shots and a lot more scenes of co-star GwynethPaltrow. I'm still waiting to see a love scene between her and Robert Downey Jr. Something tells me she better stock up on cans of WD-40.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
A first look at the concept art fueling the demonic sequel, which includes drawings of the titular superhero and his enormous gun, called "Big Baby." Why's it called that? Cuz when he shoves its six barrels in your face, you start blubbering like one.
Star Trek
A teaser trailer featuring the building of the first Enterprise is said to be in the works. I'm excited. I hope they show where they put the toilets. I've seen every original and "Next Generation" episode, and not once have I ever seen anyone go to the bathroom.
Death Wish
Sylvester Stallone is eyeing to direct and star in a remake of the classic Charles Bronson vigilante flick. Last time Sly had a "death wish" was when he starred in the career-killing Stop or My Mom Will Shoot.
High Noon
Since the western genre has been making a comeback lately, they're now remaking the Gary Cooper classic. Although they may want to think about updating the title, since modern audiences might assume this is another Harold and Kumar sequel. Or something starring Owen Wilson.
Splice
Check out the creepy promo photos of the horror movie's main creature: a naked woman with a giant bald head, a tail and hands for feet. Yep, these come with a "WARNING: Mature" tag, but the only guys who are going to be turned on by them are the ones who prefer going to a freak show over a strip club.
Dances With Wolves 2
They're making a sequel to the Oscar-winning flick, but Kevin Costner says he won't be a part of it. Now we can call him Skips Away From Bad Ideas.
The Mist
There's another freaky trailer up, this one really playing up the film's religious angle. Reminds me of car trips as a kid. If we ran into some fog my dad would always start yelling "God darn it," too.
The Great Debaters
Denzel Washington talks a good game as a debate coach in the trailer for his latest directorial effort. His youngest co-star in the film is actor Denzel Whitaker, whose parents named him after you-know-who. That's one way to suck up to the boss.
Clash of the Titans
Robert Rodriguez says he was seriously considering directing the remake but turned it down for scheduling reasons. Well, that and since the film takes place in ancient Greece, he couldn't figure out how the hero Perseus could kill Medusa and the Kraken without any machine guns at his disposal.
Pride and Glory
In the trailer, Edward Norton and Colin Farrell star as brothers who are also cops, one of whom may be corrupt. What's with all these movies about crooked police officers? It makes me long for the days of all those Police Academys. Those guys may have been inept, but at least they were positive role models.
There you have it, phans, another entry of the Phile. I want to hit 3000 views by Christmas, and we are so, so close, so tell everybody to check the Phile out. You know, spread the word, not the turd. I was thinking, that's just a stupid saying I would say as a kid, and was going to stop saying that here, but I can't. Until next week...
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires
Which is good, because I've got a blog to write. Hello, phans, and welcome to another entry of the Phile, the web's most updated blog. Britney Spears did a call-in to Ryan Seacrest’s radio show. Half-way through the interview, she was suddenly gone. Ryan asked her a question and there was no response. Her assistant said she went to take a shower. At least she’s showering, we know that. They called her back a little while later, and she didn’t say much, but she did talk about her Halloween costume. She had a good idea. She’s going to go wearing panties. So she will be totally unrecognizable. Britney Spears' new album is getting great reviews despite being recorded in her car, at a Taco Bell drive through. It’s called “Blackout” and it’s expected to debut at No. 1 on the Billboard charts. They’re expecting it to go gold, then go platinum, then go bald . . . Boston is on a roll — not only did the Sox win another World Series, the Patriots are undefeated; the Celtics have the strongest team in a long time; and Boston won the World’s Largest Pumpkin growing contest. It went to Ted Kennedy’s head. You can’t say enough about these California firefighters. They have been trying hard to put these fires out. Every time someone asks me if I’m tired, I think about them. Yeah, I’m a hero for working all day and then writing this blog, but what these men and women are doing might be even more heroic. Shit, did I just get serious?
R.I.P.
Paul Tibbets: The man who commanded the Hiroshima mission. Waitasec! He was FAMOUS? What's the world coming to when killing 80,000 people makes you famous?
Robert Goulet: if ever i would leave youuuu how could it be in autumn knowing how in autumn........ *thud*
Porter Wagoner: Porter Meat-Wagoner.
FOGHAT NEWS
In the December 2007 issue of Guitar Player magazine Dad was recognized as one of "The Top 40 Underrated Guitarists"!
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
A woman who had her 13-year-old daughter's genitalia pierced to make it uncomfortable for her to have sex was acquitted of aggravated child abuse. The girl, now 16, had testified that her mother asked a friend in 2004 to shave the girl's head to make her unattractive to boys and later held her down for the piercing. A jury deliberated for about three hours before deciding Thursday that the mother's actions did not involve punishment or malicious intent, or cause permanent damage or disfigurement. The 39-year-old woman, whose name is being withheld to protect her daughter's identity, could have faced up to 30 years in prison if convicted of the charges. The girl was not in court for the verdict. Her guardian declined comment.
"She was trying to protect me, but it hurt me," the girl testified earlier this week. "It not only hurt me physically, but it hurt me mentally. ... That's emotionally scarring. That's physical abuse." Prosecutors said the mother called on a friend to shave the girl's head and do the piercing after realizing that she had been having sex, including with the mother's boyfriend. Defense attorneys told jurors that the mother had trouble with her rebellious daughter and that the girl agreed to the piercing to help rebuild her mother's trust. Child welfare officials were called after the girl became infected from the piercing. Tammy Meredith, 43, who did the piercing in her home, was sentenced to a year in jail for her role. An arrest warrant has been issued for the mother's boyfriend on allegations he had sex with the girl.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1530
Holland's dikes fail, drowning 400,000.
1755
An earthquake and resultant fire in Lisbon kills 50,000. The jail was damaged, and escaped prisoners were looting, setting fires, and committing mayhem. Gallows had to be erected around the city to restore order.
1896
Tits appear for the first time in National Geographic, starting a trend of providing masturbation material to youth for decades. The tits are attached to a Zulu woman.
1939
A rabbit that was born of artificial insemination is shown to the world. History does not record why anyone felt that rabbits needed any help in the procreation department.
1948
A Chinese merchant ship with as many as 6,000 people aboard explodes and sinks off southern Manchuria, killing all aboard.
1950
Attempt by Puerto Rican nationalists to assassinate President Truman at Blair House fails, leaving one of them dead with a bullet in the head.
1951
US Soldiers are exposed to an atomic explosion for the first time in training exercises, at Desert Rock, Nevada. Participation was not voluntary and served both to train and indoctrinate.
1990
A New York City civil jury awards Sandra Miller $100 for battery after an incident in which boxer Mike Tyson grabbed her breasts, insulted and propositioned her. The jury found Tyson's behavior "not outrageous". Mike certainly has a way with women.
1994
A group of South Korean cannibals known as the Chijon Family are sentenced to death for murdering and eating five people. The group was founded in 1993 by ex-convict Kim Ki Hwan and several other prisoners, in solidarity against the wealthy. Eat the rich.
NUTTED BY REALITY
I'm starting to wonder if we're going to see each and every kid on "Kid Nation" before the end of the season. Every week, it seems the focus is on the core group we've seen all along -- the council leaders, Greg, Jared, Sophia, and some others. But then a new kid or two is thrown into the spotlight. Whenever that spotlight shines on a new face in the crowd, it's been obvious that the new face will either be in the midst of controversy or will win the gold star. Predictable? Sure is, but with the size of the cast, I don't see any better way to do it, either. I enjoy "meeting" the kids as the season goes on. Oh, and what's the bet Nathen will turn gay?
HEROES
Is Bob heralding the return of season one's magic? Save the cheerleader. Save the world. Claire is a cheerleader again. New York is burning, destroyed, evacuated (or whatever) again. Now all we need is Sylar to get his powers back. I can only hope that the overarching plotline will take us in this direction. It's not that I want to see a repeat of season one. I just long for the overlapping stories. I like seeing the characters all together, supers cooperating to save the world. It gives me the warm and fuzzies.
GEEK TALK
CNN is reporting that William Shatner is upset at not being asked to appear in J.J. Abrams' new Star Trek film. Adding insult to injury, the original Spock (Leonard Nimoy) is on board. I guess you could say the Shat has hit the fan. "I couldn't believe it. I'm not in the movie at all. Leonard, God bless his heart, is in, but not me," says Shatner. "I thought, what a decision to make, since it obviously is a decision not to make use of the popularity I have to ensure the movie has good box office. It didn't seem to be a wise business decision." I think Shatner may be overestimating his box office popularity here, but I certainly think that if you're going to have Nimoy, you need to have Shatner. No? Director Abrams originally had said Shatner would likely play a role, but the pair had a couple of meetings that led to nothing. Chris Pine (Smokin' Aces) is playing the young Captain Kirk. "Heroes"' Zachary Quinto is playing the young Spock, and we don't know much about Nimoy's role in the movie other than that "there's going to be a sense of guidance in this film and beyond." Shatner says simply, "Having been in on the creation of it, I was hoping to be in on the re-creation." I think the guy's got a point. If I had to guess, perhaps Abrams is trying to make a serious, non-jokey Trek film, and the presence of Shatner would upset that balance? Shatner has become more of a comedic figure these days, with his work on "Boston Legal" and appearances like his "Comedy Central Roast". What do you guys think?
MOVIE BUZZ
G.I. Joe
Hoping to bolster his blockbuster status, George Clooney expects to star in a brainless action film based on the old toy line. However, he's already asking for script changes. Instead of COBRA being an evil foreign terrorist organization, it'll be a clandestine group of powerful American CEOs and rogue U.S. government operatives.
Wanted
The very cool looking first promo images are now up, including one of Angelina Jolie hanging out of a moving car and shooting a flame thrower. Police have already labeled her as a "person of interest" in the setting of those devastating California wildfires.
Awake
In the trailer, Hayden Christensen remains conscious on the operating table while his life flashes before his eyes. Aha! Just as I suspected! He has the same emoting range lying flat on his back with his eyes closed as he does walking around.
Kung Fu Panda
Nacho Libre star Jack Black shows off his klutzy martial-arts moves as a prologue to some footage from his upcoming animated film. Although, it's a shame this is a cartoon, because I'd be more excited to see him wrestle a panda bear for real.
Bond Sequels
Daniel Craig has signed to star as the super spy in four more films. By the last movie, instead of people complaining about his blond tresses, they'll start bitching that he's turned gray.
Akira
The classic, convoluted Japanese anime about mutant children destroying Tokyo may finally get a live-action update. Great, maybe these guys can come up with an ending that's actually coherent.
The Flash and Green Lantern
Flash will be directed by David Dobkin (Wedding Crashers), and Greg Berlanti ("Dawson's Creek") is on Lantern. Great, now the fastest man alive is guaranteed to slip on a banana peel, while the emerald hero will probably whine about how it's not easy being green.
Escape From New York
We can all let out a collective sigh of relief now that Brett Ratner is officially not directing the remake. I'm not breathing too easily, though, just in case the dude announces he's making Rush Hour 4.
Mad Money
In the goofy trailer, Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah and Katie Holmes plot to steal old dollar bills from the Federal Reserve before they're destroyed. Lunch breaks must have been very awkward, what with Diane and Queen swapping stories about their Oscar noms, while all Katie could brag about was being the only one of them to win a Razzie.
Crank 2: High Voltage
This Jason Statham is now officially returning in a sequel in which he gets a battery-powered heart that needs constant jolts of electricity to keep him alive. As a publicity gimmick, they should wire the seats of every theater so that whenever his character gets zapped, somebody in the audience gets a jolt of juice in the butt at the same time.
David Letterman-Produced Documentary
The talk-show host is behind this feature about five young people running for office. For one scene, to give the kids tips on public speaking, Dave's having them meet Uma Thurman and Oprah Winfrey. Uma. Oprah. Uma.
Yeah! That's it for another entry. We are so close to hit 3000 by Christmas, I can feel it. Monday is Logan's 8th birthday. I've been a father for eight years. Man, I need to grow up. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.
R.I.P.
Paul Tibbets: The man who commanded the Hiroshima mission. Waitasec! He was FAMOUS? What's the world coming to when killing 80,000 people makes you famous?
Robert Goulet: if ever i would leave youuuu how could it be in autumn knowing how in autumn........ *thud*
Porter Wagoner: Porter Meat-Wagoner.
FOGHAT NEWS
In the December 2007 issue of Guitar Player magazine Dad was recognized as one of "The Top 40 Underrated Guitarists"!
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
A woman who had her 13-year-old daughter's genitalia pierced to make it uncomfortable for her to have sex was acquitted of aggravated child abuse. The girl, now 16, had testified that her mother asked a friend in 2004 to shave the girl's head to make her unattractive to boys and later held her down for the piercing. A jury deliberated for about three hours before deciding Thursday that the mother's actions did not involve punishment or malicious intent, or cause permanent damage or disfigurement. The 39-year-old woman, whose name is being withheld to protect her daughter's identity, could have faced up to 30 years in prison if convicted of the charges. The girl was not in court for the verdict. Her guardian declined comment.
"She was trying to protect me, but it hurt me," the girl testified earlier this week. "It not only hurt me physically, but it hurt me mentally. ... That's emotionally scarring. That's physical abuse." Prosecutors said the mother called on a friend to shave the girl's head and do the piercing after realizing that she had been having sex, including with the mother's boyfriend. Defense attorneys told jurors that the mother had trouble with her rebellious daughter and that the girl agreed to the piercing to help rebuild her mother's trust. Child welfare officials were called after the girl became infected from the piercing. Tammy Meredith, 43, who did the piercing in her home, was sentenced to a year in jail for her role. An arrest warrant has been issued for the mother's boyfriend on allegations he had sex with the girl.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1530
Holland's dikes fail, drowning 400,000.
1755
An earthquake and resultant fire in Lisbon kills 50,000. The jail was damaged, and escaped prisoners were looting, setting fires, and committing mayhem. Gallows had to be erected around the city to restore order.
1896
Tits appear for the first time in National Geographic, starting a trend of providing masturbation material to youth for decades. The tits are attached to a Zulu woman.
1939
A rabbit that was born of artificial insemination is shown to the world. History does not record why anyone felt that rabbits needed any help in the procreation department.
1948
A Chinese merchant ship with as many as 6,000 people aboard explodes and sinks off southern Manchuria, killing all aboard.
1950
Attempt by Puerto Rican nationalists to assassinate President Truman at Blair House fails, leaving one of them dead with a bullet in the head.
1951
US Soldiers are exposed to an atomic explosion for the first time in training exercises, at Desert Rock, Nevada. Participation was not voluntary and served both to train and indoctrinate.
1990
A New York City civil jury awards Sandra Miller $100 for battery after an incident in which boxer Mike Tyson grabbed her breasts, insulted and propositioned her. The jury found Tyson's behavior "not outrageous". Mike certainly has a way with women.
1994
A group of South Korean cannibals known as the Chijon Family are sentenced to death for murdering and eating five people. The group was founded in 1993 by ex-convict Kim Ki Hwan and several other prisoners, in solidarity against the wealthy. Eat the rich.
NUTTED BY REALITY
I'm starting to wonder if we're going to see each and every kid on "Kid Nation" before the end of the season. Every week, it seems the focus is on the core group we've seen all along -- the council leaders, Greg, Jared, Sophia, and some others. But then a new kid or two is thrown into the spotlight. Whenever that spotlight shines on a new face in the crowd, it's been obvious that the new face will either be in the midst of controversy or will win the gold star. Predictable? Sure is, but with the size of the cast, I don't see any better way to do it, either. I enjoy "meeting" the kids as the season goes on. Oh, and what's the bet Nathen will turn gay?
HEROES
Is Bob heralding the return of season one's magic? Save the cheerleader. Save the world. Claire is a cheerleader again. New York is burning, destroyed, evacuated (or whatever) again. Now all we need is Sylar to get his powers back. I can only hope that the overarching plotline will take us in this direction. It's not that I want to see a repeat of season one. I just long for the overlapping stories. I like seeing the characters all together, supers cooperating to save the world. It gives me the warm and fuzzies.
GEEK TALK
CNN is reporting that William Shatner is upset at not being asked to appear in J.J. Abrams' new Star Trek film. Adding insult to injury, the original Spock (Leonard Nimoy) is on board. I guess you could say the Shat has hit the fan. "I couldn't believe it. I'm not in the movie at all. Leonard, God bless his heart, is in, but not me," says Shatner. "I thought, what a decision to make, since it obviously is a decision not to make use of the popularity I have to ensure the movie has good box office. It didn't seem to be a wise business decision." I think Shatner may be overestimating his box office popularity here, but I certainly think that if you're going to have Nimoy, you need to have Shatner. No? Director Abrams originally had said Shatner would likely play a role, but the pair had a couple of meetings that led to nothing. Chris Pine (Smokin' Aces) is playing the young Captain Kirk. "Heroes"' Zachary Quinto is playing the young Spock, and we don't know much about Nimoy's role in the movie other than that "there's going to be a sense of guidance in this film and beyond." Shatner says simply, "Having been in on the creation of it, I was hoping to be in on the re-creation." I think the guy's got a point. If I had to guess, perhaps Abrams is trying to make a serious, non-jokey Trek film, and the presence of Shatner would upset that balance? Shatner has become more of a comedic figure these days, with his work on "Boston Legal" and appearances like his "Comedy Central Roast". What do you guys think?
MOVIE BUZZ
G.I. Joe
Hoping to bolster his blockbuster status, George Clooney expects to star in a brainless action film based on the old toy line. However, he's already asking for script changes. Instead of COBRA being an evil foreign terrorist organization, it'll be a clandestine group of powerful American CEOs and rogue U.S. government operatives.
Wanted
The very cool looking first promo images are now up, including one of Angelina Jolie hanging out of a moving car and shooting a flame thrower. Police have already labeled her as a "person of interest" in the setting of those devastating California wildfires.
Awake
In the trailer, Hayden Christensen remains conscious on the operating table while his life flashes before his eyes. Aha! Just as I suspected! He has the same emoting range lying flat on his back with his eyes closed as he does walking around.
Kung Fu Panda
Nacho Libre star Jack Black shows off his klutzy martial-arts moves as a prologue to some footage from his upcoming animated film. Although, it's a shame this is a cartoon, because I'd be more excited to see him wrestle a panda bear for real.
Bond Sequels
Daniel Craig has signed to star as the super spy in four more films. By the last movie, instead of people complaining about his blond tresses, they'll start bitching that he's turned gray.
Akira
The classic, convoluted Japanese anime about mutant children destroying Tokyo may finally get a live-action update. Great, maybe these guys can come up with an ending that's actually coherent.
The Flash and Green Lantern
Flash will be directed by David Dobkin (Wedding Crashers), and Greg Berlanti ("Dawson's Creek") is on Lantern. Great, now the fastest man alive is guaranteed to slip on a banana peel, while the emerald hero will probably whine about how it's not easy being green.
Escape From New York
We can all let out a collective sigh of relief now that Brett Ratner is officially not directing the remake. I'm not breathing too easily, though, just in case the dude announces he's making Rush Hour 4.
Mad Money
In the goofy trailer, Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah and Katie Holmes plot to steal old dollar bills from the Federal Reserve before they're destroyed. Lunch breaks must have been very awkward, what with Diane and Queen swapping stories about their Oscar noms, while all Katie could brag about was being the only one of them to win a Razzie.
Crank 2: High Voltage
This Jason Statham is now officially returning in a sequel in which he gets a battery-powered heart that needs constant jolts of electricity to keep him alive. As a publicity gimmick, they should wire the seats of every theater so that whenever his character gets zapped, somebody in the audience gets a jolt of juice in the butt at the same time.
David Letterman-Produced Documentary
The talk-show host is behind this feature about five young people running for office. For one scene, to give the kids tips on public speaking, Dave's having them meet Uma Thurman and Oprah Winfrey. Uma. Oprah. Uma.
Yeah! That's it for another entry. We are so close to hit 3000 by Christmas, I can feel it. Monday is Logan's 8th birthday. I've been a father for eight years. Man, I need to grow up. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Peverett Phile 101
Hello, kids, and welcome to the 101st entry of the Phile, the web's most updated blog. Last Tuesday Jen and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. Ten years! And I
am still alive. That's a decade, you know. We were planning on going to California for
our tenth, but right now California is already cooking, if you know what I mean. Those wildfires — what a mess; 1,500 homes have been destroyed. Today, Rodney King asked Mother Nature if we could all just get along. President Bush is in a tough spot. On one hand, he wants to be sympathetic to the people who’ve lost their homes; on the other, he doesn’t want to appear more sympathetic to the wealthy mostly white people who live in Malibu than he was to the people who lived in New Orleans. So what he’s doing tomorrow is he’s making a visit to LL Cool J’s house. This week Britney Spears hit another photographer. If she hits one more she gets a free medium Slurpee at 7-Eleven. Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson is getting some heat for not campaigning hard enough. He hasn’t been to South Carolina in more than a month; he canceled his trip to New Hampshire, another important state; and then he scrapped a press conference on Saturday. He’s pretty laid back about the whole thing. He says his strategy is working though. In fact he’s just put out a new ad: “He’s lazy; he’s late; and he doesn’t give a damn. Fred Thompson is all American. Fred Thompson for president. Or not. Whatever.” David Beckham and the LA Galaxies played their final game of the year Sunday. They got shut out by Chicago. The loss means the Galaxies will not be playing the post season. Out of 13 teams only five didn’t make the playoffs, and the Galaxy was one of them. That $50 million a year they’re paying Beckham really paid off. He scored exactly zero goals during the season.
SHARPENING AXES
Okay, this is the 101st entry of the Phile, so here are some facts about it. The very first post was originally done on Sept. 11th, 2005 with an editorial about 9/11. After that I posted four more lame entries with a few jokes (that were very rude) and a few dumb comments. In January of 2006 I deleted the Phile and started fresh with the Peverett Phile (Revisited) on Jan. 8th. That entry had no monologue, three jokes, and some pictures. The fonts were all messed up, and it looks messy now. The second entry had a top ten list under Canned Laughter and the first of Movie Buzz. I try to publish the entry every Thursday but during the summer of '06 when I was working at Star Wars Weekends, I posted on Sundays. I did the same this past year. Last summer as well the Phile had reached 2000 views. As far as the monologue goes, I get some jokes from Cona and Letterman and occassionally Leno, as well as make some up myself and from friends. Also, I refer to Wikipedia now and then. I want to thank everybody you reads the Phile thanks for reading, and I hope to do it for another 100 or so entries.
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
A Clearwater man boarded a plane bound for Albany, NY at Tampa International Airport (TIA) Saturday with gunshot wounds. The Pinellas County sheriff's office said William J. Notaro, 37, was shot during a domestic dispute at an apartment complex in Dunedin. Deputies say a woman shot Notaro during an argument in the torso and arm. They say a friend helped him dress the wounds before making a pre-scheduled flight at TIA. Notaro endured a one hour flight to Charlotte, NC, where he had a layover. Deputies say the bleeding became noticeable as Notaro tried to change planes at the Charlotte Airport. Charlotte police said Notaro wanted to keep traveling to his final destination but airport police took him to the hospital instead. Deputies say he was treated at Carolinas Medical Center before resuming his journey to Albany to visit family. It's unclear how Notaro was able to get through security at TIA without anyone noticing he was injured. A TIA spokeswoman says Notaro didn't ask anyone for assistance and said people are able to pass through security with metal rods in their bodies. Deputies are following leads on a suspect, even though Notaro has indicated that he may not wish to prosecute.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1854
During the Crimean War's Battle of Balaclava, Lord Ragland orders the British cavalry corps on a suicide mission to capture artillery guns protected by 19,000 Russian troops. Hundreds are needlessly killed in what is later known as the Charge of the Light Brigade.
1913
Birthday of Klaus Barbie, infamous Nazi War Criminal. After World War II, US Intelligence helped the "Butcher of Lyons" enter Bolivia, where he lived openly for many years in the capital, La Paz. Barbie was finally deported to France in 1987.
1938
The Archbishop of Dubuque, the Most Reverend Francis J.L. Beckman, denounces the newfangled Swing music -- the latest craze -- as nothing more than "a degenerated musical system... turned loose to gnaw away the moral fiber of young people." Its cannibalistic rhythms are said to lead one down the "primrose path to Hell."
1957
In chair number four of the barber shop at the Park Sheraton hotel in Manhattan, Mafia don Albert Anastasia is shot five times by the Gallo Brothers, under orders from Carlo Gambino.
1983
In order to maintain an uninterrupted supply of nutmeg to satisfy global demand, the United States of America invades the Caribbean island of Grenada. The invasion is rationalized as a rescue mission for American medical school rejects stuck in a sleazy offshore diploma mill.
1991
On the way back from a Huey Lewis concert, rock promoter Bill Graham is killed when his helicopter hits high-voltage power lines in Vallejo, California.
NUTTED BY REALITY
Bonanza is disgusting. No, no, no ... not Bonanza with the Ponderosa! Hop Sing could always cook up a fine feast and the Cartwrights never fussed about hard labor. The episode title refers to Bonanza City, New Mexico. You know -- 40 days, 40 kids (well, 38 kids now and almost three weeks less), and no adults. Well, they say no adults, but believe me, it's the adults putting everything in motion. But it is indeed the kids of "Kid Nation" who make this show worth watching. It's the kids who, by being themselves, bring me entertainment each week. Oh, but Bonanza City is indeed disgusting. Or, it was before the adult push of the week. Okay, I know the show is heavily manipulated by the invisible adults who aren't there. No, it's not just in my mind. You can't see them except for Jonathan the host, but they're like gremlins hiding in the dark corners putting wacky ideas in the heads of these kids. I'm not crazy, I tell you! Shhh ... let me tell you a secret. It's the adults who write the journal to set up each episode theme. Yes, it's all a set-up in the world built by kids. Somehow, the kids in the town miraculously stumble upon the same problem as the town council leaders read about in the journal each week. I mean, this happens simultaneously. How spooky is that? This week, a half a dozen of the kids were complaining about how nasty their garbage dumping area was just as the town council read that they should do something about the garbage. Amazing! Of course, it can't be editing out of sequence ... or could it?
HEROES
For some reason I feel a little short changed by this episode of Heroes. Yes, there were plenty of twists and turns and moments of... "Wait! What the heck just happened," but I still feel that not enough progressed in the storylines I care about (mainly Hiro, Peter, HRG, and Sylar). There was just enough to make this episode not a waste of a Monday -- as if I had something better to do.
MOVIE BUZZ
Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay
A really odd poster shows only co-star Neil Patrick Harris and features the slogan "What Would NPH Do?" Apparently, not being afraid to look like he'd be happy sitting in a rowboat with Dumbledore, for one thing. I mean, what's with the unicorn?
I Am Legend
There's a new trailer in which we finally get to see the creepy albino vampire creatures who want to suck Will Smith's blood and have him join their ranks. You know, kind of like Will's good friends Tom and Katie.
Heather Mills Biopic
With her divorce settlement of £50 million still looming, the soon-to-be ex-Mrs. McCartney seriously wants Reese Witherspoon to star in the movie about her life. The unofficial working title of the film is All You Need Is Paul's Cash.
The Dark Knight
While there's no official word on when a full trailer will be ready, a candle burning down in a jack-o-lantern here has led to speculation that one may drop on Halloween. Or the candle is just a subtle message from producers to director Christopher Nolan about how much money is left in his budget.
Superman: The Man of Steel
With the Superman Returns screenwriters off the sequel, fan-favorite comic-book writer Mark Millar says he wants the job "like Hillary wants thin ankles." I hope if he gets the job, he does a complete revamp of ol' Supes the way Rudy likes to wear a dress now and again.
Rambo
Finally, we can now watch the first official trailer, complete with Sly in action and a very serious narrator who reminds us that we "know what he's capable of." If the narrator means mumbling his lines and making goofy grimaces, then yeah, we know.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
The first picture of Jet Li in action has finally hit, and it features the martial-arts master's foot flying right at Brendan Fraser's face. Is it just me, or does the look on Li's face scream, "And this is for George of the Jungle!"
The Lovely Bones
Ryan Gosling's out and Mark Wahlberg's in as the grieving father. Reportedly, Peter Jackson fired Gosling because the young method actor gained so much weight for the part that he "looked like he was wearing a fat suit." Ironically, Jackson's first choice to play the grieving mom was John Travolta in drag, but he dropped out, too.
Child's Play
Apparently the sixth Chucky film will be a remake of the original rather than a sequel. Plus, this time all the murder weapons will be toys, too, including death by Easy Bake Oven.
Captain America
Gena Rowlands bragged in a TV interview that son Nick Cassavetes is going to direct. Yeesh, the only accomplishment my mom bragged about to people was when I started going poopie by myself.
Wll, that's it for another entry. I have a bad headache so I won't be able to add more stuff today. And I have to go pick Logan up from school. I do still want to hit 3000 views by Christmas, and we are so close. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.
am still alive. That's a decade, you know. We were planning on going to California for
our tenth, but right now California is already cooking, if you know what I mean. Those wildfires — what a mess; 1,500 homes have been destroyed. Today, Rodney King asked Mother Nature if we could all just get along. President Bush is in a tough spot. On one hand, he wants to be sympathetic to the people who’ve lost their homes; on the other, he doesn’t want to appear more sympathetic to the wealthy mostly white people who live in Malibu than he was to the people who lived in New Orleans. So what he’s doing tomorrow is he’s making a visit to LL Cool J’s house. This week Britney Spears hit another photographer. If she hits one more she gets a free medium Slurpee at 7-Eleven. Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson is getting some heat for not campaigning hard enough. He hasn’t been to South Carolina in more than a month; he canceled his trip to New Hampshire, another important state; and then he scrapped a press conference on Saturday. He’s pretty laid back about the whole thing. He says his strategy is working though. In fact he’s just put out a new ad: “He’s lazy; he’s late; and he doesn’t give a damn. Fred Thompson is all American. Fred Thompson for president. Or not. Whatever.” David Beckham and the LA Galaxies played their final game of the year Sunday. They got shut out by Chicago. The loss means the Galaxies will not be playing the post season. Out of 13 teams only five didn’t make the playoffs, and the Galaxy was one of them. That $50 million a year they’re paying Beckham really paid off. He scored exactly zero goals during the season.
SHARPENING AXES
Okay, this is the 101st entry of the Phile, so here are some facts about it. The very first post was originally done on Sept. 11th, 2005 with an editorial about 9/11. After that I posted four more lame entries with a few jokes (that were very rude) and a few dumb comments. In January of 2006 I deleted the Phile and started fresh with the Peverett Phile (Revisited) on Jan. 8th. That entry had no monologue, three jokes, and some pictures. The fonts were all messed up, and it looks messy now. The second entry had a top ten list under Canned Laughter and the first of Movie Buzz. I try to publish the entry every Thursday but during the summer of '06 when I was working at Star Wars Weekends, I posted on Sundays. I did the same this past year. Last summer as well the Phile had reached 2000 views. As far as the monologue goes, I get some jokes from Cona and Letterman and occassionally Leno, as well as make some up myself and from friends. Also, I refer to Wikipedia now and then. I want to thank everybody you reads the Phile thanks for reading, and I hope to do it for another 100 or so entries.
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
A Clearwater man boarded a plane bound for Albany, NY at Tampa International Airport (TIA) Saturday with gunshot wounds. The Pinellas County sheriff's office said William J. Notaro, 37, was shot during a domestic dispute at an apartment complex in Dunedin. Deputies say a woman shot Notaro during an argument in the torso and arm. They say a friend helped him dress the wounds before making a pre-scheduled flight at TIA. Notaro endured a one hour flight to Charlotte, NC, where he had a layover. Deputies say the bleeding became noticeable as Notaro tried to change planes at the Charlotte Airport. Charlotte police said Notaro wanted to keep traveling to his final destination but airport police took him to the hospital instead. Deputies say he was treated at Carolinas Medical Center before resuming his journey to Albany to visit family. It's unclear how Notaro was able to get through security at TIA without anyone noticing he was injured. A TIA spokeswoman says Notaro didn't ask anyone for assistance and said people are able to pass through security with metal rods in their bodies. Deputies are following leads on a suspect, even though Notaro has indicated that he may not wish to prosecute.
TODAY IN HISTORY
1854
During the Crimean War's Battle of Balaclava, Lord Ragland orders the British cavalry corps on a suicide mission to capture artillery guns protected by 19,000 Russian troops. Hundreds are needlessly killed in what is later known as the Charge of the Light Brigade.
1913
Birthday of Klaus Barbie, infamous Nazi War Criminal. After World War II, US Intelligence helped the "Butcher of Lyons" enter Bolivia, where he lived openly for many years in the capital, La Paz. Barbie was finally deported to France in 1987.
1938
The Archbishop of Dubuque, the Most Reverend Francis J.L. Beckman, denounces the newfangled Swing music -- the latest craze -- as nothing more than "a degenerated musical system... turned loose to gnaw away the moral fiber of young people." Its cannibalistic rhythms are said to lead one down the "primrose path to Hell."
1957
In chair number four of the barber shop at the Park Sheraton hotel in Manhattan, Mafia don Albert Anastasia is shot five times by the Gallo Brothers, under orders from Carlo Gambino.
1983
In order to maintain an uninterrupted supply of nutmeg to satisfy global demand, the United States of America invades the Caribbean island of Grenada. The invasion is rationalized as a rescue mission for American medical school rejects stuck in a sleazy offshore diploma mill.
1991
On the way back from a Huey Lewis concert, rock promoter Bill Graham is killed when his helicopter hits high-voltage power lines in Vallejo, California.
NUTTED BY REALITY
Bonanza is disgusting. No, no, no ... not Bonanza with the Ponderosa! Hop Sing could always cook up a fine feast and the Cartwrights never fussed about hard labor. The episode title refers to Bonanza City, New Mexico. You know -- 40 days, 40 kids (well, 38 kids now and almost three weeks less), and no adults. Well, they say no adults, but believe me, it's the adults putting everything in motion. But it is indeed the kids of "Kid Nation" who make this show worth watching. It's the kids who, by being themselves, bring me entertainment each week. Oh, but Bonanza City is indeed disgusting. Or, it was before the adult push of the week. Okay, I know the show is heavily manipulated by the invisible adults who aren't there. No, it's not just in my mind. You can't see them except for Jonathan the host, but they're like gremlins hiding in the dark corners putting wacky ideas in the heads of these kids. I'm not crazy, I tell you! Shhh ... let me tell you a secret. It's the adults who write the journal to set up each episode theme. Yes, it's all a set-up in the world built by kids. Somehow, the kids in the town miraculously stumble upon the same problem as the town council leaders read about in the journal each week. I mean, this happens simultaneously. How spooky is that? This week, a half a dozen of the kids were complaining about how nasty their garbage dumping area was just as the town council read that they should do something about the garbage. Amazing! Of course, it can't be editing out of sequence ... or could it?
HEROES
For some reason I feel a little short changed by this episode of Heroes. Yes, there were plenty of twists and turns and moments of... "Wait! What the heck just happened," but I still feel that not enough progressed in the storylines I care about (mainly Hiro, Peter, HRG, and Sylar). There was just enough to make this episode not a waste of a Monday -- as if I had something better to do.
MOVIE BUZZ
Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay
A really odd poster shows only co-star Neil Patrick Harris and features the slogan "What Would NPH Do?" Apparently, not being afraid to look like he'd be happy sitting in a rowboat with Dumbledore, for one thing. I mean, what's with the unicorn?
I Am Legend
There's a new trailer in which we finally get to see the creepy albino vampire creatures who want to suck Will Smith's blood and have him join their ranks. You know, kind of like Will's good friends Tom and Katie.
Heather Mills Biopic
With her divorce settlement of £50 million still looming, the soon-to-be ex-Mrs. McCartney seriously wants Reese Witherspoon to star in the movie about her life. The unofficial working title of the film is All You Need Is Paul's Cash.
The Dark Knight
While there's no official word on when a full trailer will be ready, a candle burning down in a jack-o-lantern here has led to speculation that one may drop on Halloween. Or the candle is just a subtle message from producers to director Christopher Nolan about how much money is left in his budget.
Superman: The Man of Steel
With the Superman Returns screenwriters off the sequel, fan-favorite comic-book writer Mark Millar says he wants the job "like Hillary wants thin ankles." I hope if he gets the job, he does a complete revamp of ol' Supes the way Rudy likes to wear a dress now and again.
Rambo
Finally, we can now watch the first official trailer, complete with Sly in action and a very serious narrator who reminds us that we "know what he's capable of." If the narrator means mumbling his lines and making goofy grimaces, then yeah, we know.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
The first picture of Jet Li in action has finally hit, and it features the martial-arts master's foot flying right at Brendan Fraser's face. Is it just me, or does the look on Li's face scream, "And this is for George of the Jungle!"
The Lovely Bones
Ryan Gosling's out and Mark Wahlberg's in as the grieving father. Reportedly, Peter Jackson fired Gosling because the young method actor gained so much weight for the part that he "looked like he was wearing a fat suit." Ironically, Jackson's first choice to play the grieving mom was John Travolta in drag, but he dropped out, too.
Child's Play
Apparently the sixth Chucky film will be a remake of the original rather than a sequel. Plus, this time all the murder weapons will be toys, too, including death by Easy Bake Oven.
Captain America
Gena Rowlands bragged in a TV interview that son Nick Cassavetes is going to direct. Yeesh, the only accomplishment my mom bragged about to people was when I started going poopie by myself.
Wll, that's it for another entry. I have a bad headache so I won't be able to add more stuff today. And I have to go pick Logan up from school. I do still want to hit 3000 views by Christmas, and we are so close. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
One's Too Many And A Hundred Ain't Enough
Hello, pholks, and welcome to the 100th entry of the Phile! Or as my wife calles it: one hundred days I wasted my time. You know, if the entries were years, it'll be a century. If the entries were pennies, it'll be a dollar. So, it's Biketoberfest time here in Florida, which
is not to be confused with the lesbian festival: Dyketoberfest. Wow, two jokes I made up myself, I am on a roll. Big week in Washington. President Bush had a historic meeting with the Dalai Lama. There was an awkward moment when Bush saw what the Dalai Lama was wearing and said, “Don’t tell me they lost your luggage.” Experts were worried about China’s reaction to President Bush’ meeting with the Dalai Lama. Bush said he doesn’t think his meeting with the Dalai Lama with damage our relationship with China. “But this might,” Bush said as he took a huge bite out of a panda bear sandwich. Yesterday, the world’s oldest blogger celebrated her birthday. She turned 108 years old. Unfortunately she only got two gifts — a bikini and a webcam. When she dies, I'll be the world's oldest blogger. The New York City subway system announced that it will hire 350 new workers to clean up the subway. So this brings the number of workers cleaning the subway to 350. Tiger Woods is getting his own sports drink Gatorade Tiger. I’m trying to get my own Snapple flavor. Jason, Snapple — Crapple. The New York Times reports England is fighting a war of the squirrels. Gray squirrels vs. red squirrels. This is bigger than Alien vs. Predator, Rosie vs. Trump. Here’s what’s going on: The red squirrel is a native of England. It’s a small brained, red-headed, big-eared creature. But now, there’s a new kid on the block: The American gray squirrel. He’s bigger, he’s obnoxious, his fur is so bushy it looks like fake fur. Earlier this year, Al Gore won an Emmy and an Oscar. Now that he has won the Nobel Peace Prize, some people say he may run for president. Gore says he’s not even thinking about running for president because he’s thinking about the Heisman trophy. Britney Spears turned herself into police headquarters for a previous hit-and-run accident. While taking the mug shot photo, police said, “No, no Britney — we want a picture of your face.” At JFK airport the FBI arrested baggage handlers who apparently took part in a cocaine smuggling ring. The FBI became suspicious when they noticed the handlers were losing the luggage twice as fast. Madonna signed a 10-year record deal. That means she’ll be making records until she’s nearly 60. Instead of singing “express yourself,” she’ll be singing “I wet myself.” There’s a fair going on in Vienna. A divorce fair. This is the first time the words divorce and fair are being used together in the same sentence. It’s going to be a two-day extravaganza with lawyers, and mediators, and private detectives, fun-filled rides with signs on the rides that say, “You Must Be THIS Bitter to Go on This Ride.” What would the rides there be? Half of the Haunted Mansion. I need some Space Mountain. Matt Lauer sat down with Idaho senator and bathroom aficionado Larry Craig. Craig continues to deny that he solicited for sex. It was fun to watch the senator sit there with his wife talking about how gay he isn’t. I would have encouraged them to make love on camera to prove it. According to an article on the fashions and styles of the presidential candidates, Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are the best dressed candidates. Not only that, Dennis Kucinich was voted the most likely to shop in the children’s department. Forbes magazine has come out with its annual list of the 400 richest Americans. This year’s list includes Oprah Winfrey and 300 members of her studio audience. Last Friday I got to play Goofy for a bit. I was so excited when I put on the costume. I was told, "Jason will no longer exist on the planet, and Goofy will take his place." When I told my wife, she said "You didn't really disappear, you just put on a costume."
DISNEY'S AMERICA
For more than 50 years, Disneyland has captured the imagination of its Guests with timeless fantasy worlds that enchant, delight and create memories that last a lifetime. This morning Disney CEO Bob Iger and Walt Disney Parks and Resorts Chairman Jay Rasulo unveiled a significant expansion for The Disneyland Resort, bringing even more of the park's magic to Disney's California Adventure (DCA). This multi-year project, which will include fantastic new entertainment and major family-oriented attractions, is a continuation of the growth strategy for the Anaheim Resort Area, further solidifying its position as a multi-day, world-class tourist destination From Pirates and Disney Princess to "High School Musical" and The Year of a Million Dreams, consumer demand for outstanding Disney experiences has generated record performance at The Disneyland Resort over the last several years. This new vision for Disney's California Adventure will further satisfy this demand by creating even more opportunities for Guests to enjoy the best of Disney storytelling with new attractions featuring characters from The Little Mermaid and Toy Story, as well as the addition of an all-new themed "land" entirely dedicated to Cars. Spanning 12 acres, "Cars Land" will transport Guests to the heart of Radiator Springs, where they will meet all of their favorite characters from the film and experience three new attractions, a Cars-themed dine-in restaurant and retail. "Cars Land" is also a great example of how the full creative resources of Pixar are being used in amazing new ways to reinvent and expand Disney's California Adventure. Opening next summer, Toy Story Mania! will add an exciting element of interactivity and energy to the Paradise Pier area. The Little Mermaid attraction will highlight the film's most memorable scenes and songs, and an amazing new nighttime spectacular, Disney's World of Color, will incorporate water effects, colorful lighting and music to bring the story of Disney animation to life along the Paradise Pier waterfront. One of the most significant changes to the park will be the Entry Plaza and Gateway, where Imagineers will recreate the 1920s Hollywood that Walt Disney first experienced when he arrived from Kansas City with little more than his imagination and determination. Much as Disneyland's Main Street celebrates the nostalgia of Walt's childhood at the turn of the century, the new Walt Disney Plaza will welcome Guests to historic Los Angeles and pay homage to Walt's experiences as a young artist with big dreams. The park will remain open to Guests throughout the expansion process, but when officially dedicated in several years, the reinvented Disney's California Adventure will be an even better complement to Disney's flagship park.
I WANNA TALK ABOUT ME
So, I told you about my experience being Goofy's "friend", right? Well, i got a nice e-mail about it. And this is what it said: What an honor we had this morning in helping make Jason's "Dream Come True" with an in costume experience. Thank you for allowing us to be part of this! We had a great time with the entire group (13-Professional Interns) and Jason Peverett (Epcot Cast Member with Disney 20 years).
It was not only fun to watch everyone "become friends" with their favorite Disney character, but truly amazing to see Jason's eyes light up and a genuine smile on his face after his experience. It is times like this, that we can all say, what an amazing company we work for! Where ALL of us have such a wonderful opportunity to make dreams come true both "on stage" and "back stage"! This will be a day we will never forget! A first for all of us! Thank you Jason for doing such a great job today! Again, thank you from the entire Entertainment Training Team!
R.I.P.
Deborah Kerr: Perennial loser. Six Oscar nominations and not a statue to show for it. She should have switched to porn.
Joey Bishop: If it wasn't for him. we'd be Regis-free...
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
An adult nightclub in Casselberry is offering free flu shots to Central Floridians. Rachel's Gentlemen's Club launched a free flu shot service at the business located on Semoran Boulevard in Casselberry. The flu shots will be free from noon until 4 p.m. for residents who are 55 years old and older. And given out by stripper Nurse Nancy.
TODAY IN HISTORY
I can't believe I forgot to do this pheature again last week. The most regularly done pheature and that's twice now I have forgotten about it.
1945
The USSR's nuclear program receives plans for America's plutonium bomb, courtesy of secret agent Klaus Fuchs at the Los Alamos National Laboratory.
1968
A police raid nets 168 grains of dope resin in the apartment of John Lennon and Yoko Ono. The couple is fined UKP 150.
1969
In Hawaii, Jefferson Airplane member Paul Kantner is charged with possession of Maui Wowie. "If you can remember anything about the sixties, you weren't really there."
1974
The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, based loosely on Ed Gein's story and originally titled "Headcheese," opensin theatres. One critic describes the film as "a vile piece of sick crap," containing "unrelenting sadistic violence as extreme and hideous as a complete lack of imagination can possibly make it." The movie is later banned in Germany and the UK.
SHARPENING AXES
Okay, so you know this is the 100th entry of the Phile, right? Well, here's some other 100 facts.
The number of years in a century.
A 100 year old person is known as a centenarian.
The number of runs required for a cricket batsman to score a Century, a significant milestone.
The number of pounds in an American short hundredweight.
The number of subunits into which many of the world's currencies are divided; for example, one euro is one hundred cents and one Pound Sterling is one hundred pence.
The denomination of the U.S. hundred-dollar bill with Benjamin Franklin's portrait; the "Benjamin" is the largest U.S. bill in print.
The denomination of American savings bonds with Thomas Jefferson's portrait.
The denomination of American treasury bonds with Andrew Jackson's portrait.
The number of the first folder of photos in the DCIM folder created by a brand-new digital camera (or after a change of memory card if the camera is set to auto-reset numbering).
The number of tiles in a standard Scrabble set.
In Greece, India and Israel, 100 is the police telephone number.
In Belgium, 100 is the ambulance telephone number.
In United Kingdom, 100 is the operator telephone number.
Hundred Days, aka the Waterloo Campaign.
"The First Hundred Days" is an arbitrary benchmark of a President of the United States' performance at the beginning of his term.
The record number of points scored in one NBA game, set by Wilt Chamberlain on March 2, 1962.
100 is the HTTP status code indicating that the client should continue with its request.
On "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine", "The Hundred" refers to a group of 100 young changelings sent out to explore the galaxy.
Historical years: AD 100 or 100 BC.
The minimum distance in yards for a Par 3 on a golf course.
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: Why did the guy cross the road? A: He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q: What’s a redneck fortune cookie? A: A piece of corn bread with a food stamp baked inside.
Q: Why do they call it PMS? A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
NUTTED BY REALITY
Is it me or was there really not much to get up in arms about this week on "Kid Nation"? No killed animals, no steer taunting, no religious rivalry, no bullying. What's this show coming to, eh? Well, there was a smattering of bad behavior, but we're talking kids here. Some of these kids could be teensy adults, y'know. A lot of them certainly are more worldly than I was at their ages. And, the show reminded me that I should really study up on the chronological order of US Presidents. I definitely know the ones in my own lifetime, but I surely would put Taft in the wrong place.
HEROES
This week saw the introduction of Micah's extended family, the return of a clean-shaved Nathan Petrelli and the answer to who is Molly's monster. This episode was pretty boring and uneventful. Minus the big twist with Parkman's dad being the man in Molly's nightmares, I didn't feel like the story progressed much. I guess Nathan shaved his beard, which should be enough of an accomplishment for one episode, but somehow I felt a little bit short changed at the end of the episode. However, I thoroughly enjoyed meeting Monica and the merger of the Sylar storyline into Maya and Alejandro's. The episode most likely felt stagnant not because of what they put in it, but rather what they left out: Peter and Hiro. This is the first episode of "Heroes" this season that we don't get to see the two biggest protagonists and their absence is greatly felt. Since their plots are either geographically or temporally removed from the others, it is easy to use them when necessary and set them on their own trajectory. I really hope that the writers don't plan on leaving their stories out too many times during the season, because I don't know what I would do without my favorite heroes.
Because Peter and Hiro's storylines are the most interesting, in my opinion (and that is why you read my right? for my opinions?), I would rather have their plots switch off from episode to episode (maybe covering more depth) than have to forgo their presence in an episode ever again. But that might be a little bit selfish of me. Plus next week Kristen Bell starts her story arc, which from the previews seems to revolve around Peter, so I doubt we will be seeing less of the younger Petrelli. Hopefully that doesn't come at the expense of missing out on some Hiro heroics.
GEEK TALK
Talk of a Wolverine movie have been ongoing since (I think) right after X2 came out, and the project has been moving forward (slowly but surely) since that time. Now comes word from Variety that the Hugh Jackman spinoff project has claimed a release date, changed its title (slightly), and promises some new mutants that we haven't seen yet ... as well as some old young friends. May 1, 2009, is when the Gavin Hood-directed Fox action movie will make its debut, and when it arrives it'll most likely be called X-Men Origins: Wolverine -- which means we can probably expect to hear some fresh news about X-Men Origins: Magneto some time soon. It also looks like Liev Schreiber is close to signing on as William Stryker. Yes, he'll be playing the younger version of the Brian Cox character from X2. According to Variety, the story "explores the claw-wielding character Wolverine's violent and romantic past, and his complex relationship with Victor Creed and the ominous Weapon X program, as well as his encounters with other mutants." (The Wolverine screenplay comes from Troy writer David Benioff.) And since Mr. Hood is presently scheduled to shoot some of Wolverine in New Orleans, that's led to some speculation that Gambit may be among the new mutants.
MOVIE BUZZ
Star Trek
Seems like the Enterprise has finally gotten its new captain. Relative unknown Chris Pine will be starring as James Tiberius Kirk in the sci-fi redo. I just hope he doesn't fly too close to the sun, because then the ship will just reek of Pine Sol.
The Eye
In the spooky trailer, Jessica Alba stars as a blind woman who gets an eye transplant, but her new peepers force to have scary visions of ghosts. If she wants to see something really scary, she should be forced to watch Rise of the Silver Surfer in an endless loop. I'm just kidding, I loved that movie.
Trailer Trash
Torture-porn fiend Eli Roth says his next film of all-fake movie trailers will actually be a comedy in the vein of Monty Python and the HolyGrail. You know, I always felt that the Black Knight scene was the inspiration for the Hostel films.
J.C.V.D.
Who knew Jean Claude Van Damme could be funny? But he's a riot in the four-minute promo video in which he tries to win the lead role in his own biopic. Hey, screw the biopic. They should relaunch the Rush Hour franchise with him in the Jackie Chan role.
Kept
Producers of the Saw franchise are branching out, and their next film will be a more slash-happy semi-remake of Fatal Attraction, in which a businessman cheats on his wife while on a trip. The sick thing is he cheats on her with a creepy little puppet.
Hellraiser
Clive Barker's horror classic is getting an update by a French filmmaking duo, Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo, who claim this won't be a strict remake and will star an all-new Pinhead. Gérard Depardieu, perhaps?
Burlesque
The next big Hollywood musical will be this one about a young woman who gets involved in the world of neo-burlesque, which director Steven Antin describes as "singing, dancing, comedy and more tease than striptease." You know, it's kind of refreshing when a filmmaker promises his movie will have less nudity instead of more.
Untraceable
Diane Lane tracks down a psycho killer in this trailer. The victims are slowly tortured and killed the more people visit a website called Kill With Me. Of course, they'd die much quicker if he called the site Free Pictures of Naked Celebrities.
Big Eyes
Ed Wood screenwriters Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski's next biopic will be on Margaret Keane, the woman who painted all those pictures of kids with big, black eyes. I can't look at that woman's work and not be completely freaked out after seeing that creepy little kid in The Grudge.
Benighted
They're making a film based on the novel in which 90 percent of the Earth's population are werewolves. Know who benefits the most when almost everyone is covered in fur? Shampoo companies.
Dune
The Kingdom's director Peter Berg is rumored to be filming another adaptation of the sci-fi novel about an alien who tames an army of giant worms. If he can train worms, I wonder if that dude could also talk to spiders. If so, I need him to come over and stop the swarms that keep invading my house, like, now.
Love Ranch
Joe Pesci's first major role in almost ten years will be starring alongside Helen Mirren. They'll play a real-life couple who opened the first legal brothel in Nevada. Shoot, I was hoping his big comeback would be in Gone Fishin' 2.
There you have it, phans, the 100th entry of the Phile. I am still hoping to have 3000 views by Christmas, and we're doing good so far. In next week's Phile, we'll take a look back at the last 100 entries, in Peverett Phile 101. Until then, spread the word, not the turd. Thanks for reading.
is not to be confused with the lesbian festival: Dyketoberfest. Wow, two jokes I made up myself, I am on a roll. Big week in Washington. President Bush had a historic meeting with the Dalai Lama. There was an awkward moment when Bush saw what the Dalai Lama was wearing and said, “Don’t tell me they lost your luggage.” Experts were worried about China’s reaction to President Bush’ meeting with the Dalai Lama. Bush said he doesn’t think his meeting with the Dalai Lama with damage our relationship with China. “But this might,” Bush said as he took a huge bite out of a panda bear sandwich. Yesterday, the world’s oldest blogger celebrated her birthday. She turned 108 years old. Unfortunately she only got two gifts — a bikini and a webcam. When she dies, I'll be the world's oldest blogger. The New York City subway system announced that it will hire 350 new workers to clean up the subway. So this brings the number of workers cleaning the subway to 350. Tiger Woods is getting his own sports drink Gatorade Tiger. I’m trying to get my own Snapple flavor. Jason, Snapple — Crapple. The New York Times reports England is fighting a war of the squirrels. Gray squirrels vs. red squirrels. This is bigger than Alien vs. Predator, Rosie vs. Trump. Here’s what’s going on: The red squirrel is a native of England. It’s a small brained, red-headed, big-eared creature. But now, there’s a new kid on the block: The American gray squirrel. He’s bigger, he’s obnoxious, his fur is so bushy it looks like fake fur. Earlier this year, Al Gore won an Emmy and an Oscar. Now that he has won the Nobel Peace Prize, some people say he may run for president. Gore says he’s not even thinking about running for president because he’s thinking about the Heisman trophy. Britney Spears turned herself into police headquarters for a previous hit-and-run accident. While taking the mug shot photo, police said, “No, no Britney — we want a picture of your face.” At JFK airport the FBI arrested baggage handlers who apparently took part in a cocaine smuggling ring. The FBI became suspicious when they noticed the handlers were losing the luggage twice as fast. Madonna signed a 10-year record deal. That means she’ll be making records until she’s nearly 60. Instead of singing “express yourself,” she’ll be singing “I wet myself.” There’s a fair going on in Vienna. A divorce fair. This is the first time the words divorce and fair are being used together in the same sentence. It’s going to be a two-day extravaganza with lawyers, and mediators, and private detectives, fun-filled rides with signs on the rides that say, “You Must Be THIS Bitter to Go on This Ride.” What would the rides there be? Half of the Haunted Mansion. I need some Space Mountain. Matt Lauer sat down with Idaho senator and bathroom aficionado Larry Craig. Craig continues to deny that he solicited for sex. It was fun to watch the senator sit there with his wife talking about how gay he isn’t. I would have encouraged them to make love on camera to prove it. According to an article on the fashions and styles of the presidential candidates, Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are the best dressed candidates. Not only that, Dennis Kucinich was voted the most likely to shop in the children’s department. Forbes magazine has come out with its annual list of the 400 richest Americans. This year’s list includes Oprah Winfrey and 300 members of her studio audience. Last Friday I got to play Goofy for a bit. I was so excited when I put on the costume. I was told, "Jason will no longer exist on the planet, and Goofy will take his place." When I told my wife, she said "You didn't really disappear, you just put on a costume."
DISNEY'S AMERICA
For more than 50 years, Disneyland has captured the imagination of its Guests with timeless fantasy worlds that enchant, delight and create memories that last a lifetime. This morning Disney CEO Bob Iger and Walt Disney Parks and Resorts Chairman Jay Rasulo unveiled a significant expansion for The Disneyland Resort, bringing even more of the park's magic to Disney's California Adventure (DCA). This multi-year project, which will include fantastic new entertainment and major family-oriented attractions, is a continuation of the growth strategy for the Anaheim Resort Area, further solidifying its position as a multi-day, world-class tourist destination From Pirates and Disney Princess to "High School Musical" and The Year of a Million Dreams, consumer demand for outstanding Disney experiences has generated record performance at The Disneyland Resort over the last several years. This new vision for Disney's California Adventure will further satisfy this demand by creating even more opportunities for Guests to enjoy the best of Disney storytelling with new attractions featuring characters from The Little Mermaid and Toy Story, as well as the addition of an all-new themed "land" entirely dedicated to Cars. Spanning 12 acres, "Cars Land" will transport Guests to the heart of Radiator Springs, where they will meet all of their favorite characters from the film and experience three new attractions, a Cars-themed dine-in restaurant and retail. "Cars Land" is also a great example of how the full creative resources of Pixar are being used in amazing new ways to reinvent and expand Disney's California Adventure. Opening next summer, Toy Story Mania! will add an exciting element of interactivity and energy to the Paradise Pier area. The Little Mermaid attraction will highlight the film's most memorable scenes and songs, and an amazing new nighttime spectacular, Disney's World of Color, will incorporate water effects, colorful lighting and music to bring the story of Disney animation to life along the Paradise Pier waterfront. One of the most significant changes to the park will be the Entry Plaza and Gateway, where Imagineers will recreate the 1920s Hollywood that Walt Disney first experienced when he arrived from Kansas City with little more than his imagination and determination. Much as Disneyland's Main Street celebrates the nostalgia of Walt's childhood at the turn of the century, the new Walt Disney Plaza will welcome Guests to historic Los Angeles and pay homage to Walt's experiences as a young artist with big dreams. The park will remain open to Guests throughout the expansion process, but when officially dedicated in several years, the reinvented Disney's California Adventure will be an even better complement to Disney's flagship park.
I WANNA TALK ABOUT ME
So, I told you about my experience being Goofy's "friend", right? Well, i got a nice e-mail about it. And this is what it said: What an honor we had this morning in helping make Jason's "Dream Come True" with an in costume experience. Thank you for allowing us to be part of this! We had a great time with the entire group (13-Professional Interns) and Jason Peverett (Epcot Cast Member with Disney 20 years).
It was not only fun to watch everyone "become friends" with their favorite Disney character, but truly amazing to see Jason's eyes light up and a genuine smile on his face after his experience. It is times like this, that we can all say, what an amazing company we work for! Where ALL of us have such a wonderful opportunity to make dreams come true both "on stage" and "back stage"! This will be a day we will never forget! A first for all of us! Thank you Jason for doing such a great job today! Again, thank you from the entire Entertainment Training Team!
R.I.P.
Deborah Kerr: Perennial loser. Six Oscar nominations and not a statue to show for it. She should have switched to porn.
Joey Bishop: If it wasn't for him. we'd be Regis-free...
FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS
An adult nightclub in Casselberry is offering free flu shots to Central Floridians. Rachel's Gentlemen's Club launched a free flu shot service at the business located on Semoran Boulevard in Casselberry. The flu shots will be free from noon until 4 p.m. for residents who are 55 years old and older. And given out by stripper Nurse Nancy.
TODAY IN HISTORY
I can't believe I forgot to do this pheature again last week. The most regularly done pheature and that's twice now I have forgotten about it.
1945
The USSR's nuclear program receives plans for America's plutonium bomb, courtesy of secret agent Klaus Fuchs at the Los Alamos National Laboratory.
1968
A police raid nets 168 grains of dope resin in the apartment of John Lennon and Yoko Ono. The couple is fined UKP 150.
1969
In Hawaii, Jefferson Airplane member Paul Kantner is charged with possession of Maui Wowie. "If you can remember anything about the sixties, you weren't really there."
1974
The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, based loosely on Ed Gein's story and originally titled "Headcheese," opensin theatres. One critic describes the film as "a vile piece of sick crap," containing "unrelenting sadistic violence as extreme and hideous as a complete lack of imagination can possibly make it." The movie is later banned in Germany and the UK.
SHARPENING AXES
Okay, so you know this is the 100th entry of the Phile, right? Well, here's some other 100 facts.
The number of years in a century.
A 100 year old person is known as a centenarian.
The number of runs required for a cricket batsman to score a Century, a significant milestone.
The number of pounds in an American short hundredweight.
The number of subunits into which many of the world's currencies are divided; for example, one euro is one hundred cents and one Pound Sterling is one hundred pence.
The denomination of the U.S. hundred-dollar bill with Benjamin Franklin's portrait; the "Benjamin" is the largest U.S. bill in print.
The denomination of American savings bonds with Thomas Jefferson's portrait.
The denomination of American treasury bonds with Andrew Jackson's portrait.
The number of the first folder of photos in the DCIM folder created by a brand-new digital camera (or after a change of memory card if the camera is set to auto-reset numbering).
The number of tiles in a standard Scrabble set.
In Greece, India and Israel, 100 is the police telephone number.
In Belgium, 100 is the ambulance telephone number.
In United Kingdom, 100 is the operator telephone number.
Hundred Days, aka the Waterloo Campaign.
"The First Hundred Days" is an arbitrary benchmark of a President of the United States' performance at the beginning of his term.
The record number of points scored in one NBA game, set by Wilt Chamberlain on March 2, 1962.
100 is the HTTP status code indicating that the client should continue with its request.
On "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine", "The Hundred" refers to a group of 100 young changelings sent out to explore the galaxy.
Historical years: AD 100 or 100 BC.
The minimum distance in yards for a Par 3 on a golf course.
CANNED LAUGHTER
Q: Why did the guy cross the road? A: He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q: What’s a redneck fortune cookie? A: A piece of corn bread with a food stamp baked inside.
Q: Why do they call it PMS? A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
NUTTED BY REALITY
Is it me or was there really not much to get up in arms about this week on "Kid Nation"? No killed animals, no steer taunting, no religious rivalry, no bullying. What's this show coming to, eh? Well, there was a smattering of bad behavior, but we're talking kids here. Some of these kids could be teensy adults, y'know. A lot of them certainly are more worldly than I was at their ages. And, the show reminded me that I should really study up on the chronological order of US Presidents. I definitely know the ones in my own lifetime, but I surely would put Taft in the wrong place.
HEROES
This week saw the introduction of Micah's extended family, the return of a clean-shaved Nathan Petrelli and the answer to who is Molly's monster. This episode was pretty boring and uneventful. Minus the big twist with Parkman's dad being the man in Molly's nightmares, I didn't feel like the story progressed much. I guess Nathan shaved his beard, which should be enough of an accomplishment for one episode, but somehow I felt a little bit short changed at the end of the episode. However, I thoroughly enjoyed meeting Monica and the merger of the Sylar storyline into Maya and Alejandro's. The episode most likely felt stagnant not because of what they put in it, but rather what they left out: Peter and Hiro. This is the first episode of "Heroes" this season that we don't get to see the two biggest protagonists and their absence is greatly felt. Since their plots are either geographically or temporally removed from the others, it is easy to use them when necessary and set them on their own trajectory. I really hope that the writers don't plan on leaving their stories out too many times during the season, because I don't know what I would do without my favorite heroes.
Because Peter and Hiro's storylines are the most interesting, in my opinion (and that is why you read my right? for my opinions?), I would rather have their plots switch off from episode to episode (maybe covering more depth) than have to forgo their presence in an episode ever again. But that might be a little bit selfish of me. Plus next week Kristen Bell starts her story arc, which from the previews seems to revolve around Peter, so I doubt we will be seeing less of the younger Petrelli. Hopefully that doesn't come at the expense of missing out on some Hiro heroics.
GEEK TALK
Talk of a Wolverine movie have been ongoing since (I think) right after X2 came out, and the project has been moving forward (slowly but surely) since that time. Now comes word from Variety that the Hugh Jackman spinoff project has claimed a release date, changed its title (slightly), and promises some new mutants that we haven't seen yet ... as well as some old young friends. May 1, 2009, is when the Gavin Hood-directed Fox action movie will make its debut, and when it arrives it'll most likely be called X-Men Origins: Wolverine -- which means we can probably expect to hear some fresh news about X-Men Origins: Magneto some time soon. It also looks like Liev Schreiber is close to signing on as William Stryker. Yes, he'll be playing the younger version of the Brian Cox character from X2. According to Variety, the story "explores the claw-wielding character Wolverine's violent and romantic past, and his complex relationship with Victor Creed and the ominous Weapon X program, as well as his encounters with other mutants." (The Wolverine screenplay comes from Troy writer David Benioff.) And since Mr. Hood is presently scheduled to shoot some of Wolverine in New Orleans, that's led to some speculation that Gambit may be among the new mutants.
MOVIE BUZZ
Star Trek
Seems like the Enterprise has finally gotten its new captain. Relative unknown Chris Pine will be starring as James Tiberius Kirk in the sci-fi redo. I just hope he doesn't fly too close to the sun, because then the ship will just reek of Pine Sol.
The Eye
In the spooky trailer, Jessica Alba stars as a blind woman who gets an eye transplant, but her new peepers force to have scary visions of ghosts. If she wants to see something really scary, she should be forced to watch Rise of the Silver Surfer in an endless loop. I'm just kidding, I loved that movie.
Trailer Trash
Torture-porn fiend Eli Roth says his next film of all-fake movie trailers will actually be a comedy in the vein of Monty Python and the HolyGrail. You know, I always felt that the Black Knight scene was the inspiration for the Hostel films.
J.C.V.D.
Who knew Jean Claude Van Damme could be funny? But he's a riot in the four-minute promo video in which he tries to win the lead role in his own biopic. Hey, screw the biopic. They should relaunch the Rush Hour franchise with him in the Jackie Chan role.
Kept
Producers of the Saw franchise are branching out, and their next film will be a more slash-happy semi-remake of Fatal Attraction, in which a businessman cheats on his wife while on a trip. The sick thing is he cheats on her with a creepy little puppet.
Hellraiser
Clive Barker's horror classic is getting an update by a French filmmaking duo, Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo, who claim this won't be a strict remake and will star an all-new Pinhead. Gérard Depardieu, perhaps?
Burlesque
The next big Hollywood musical will be this one about a young woman who gets involved in the world of neo-burlesque, which director Steven Antin describes as "singing, dancing, comedy and more tease than striptease." You know, it's kind of refreshing when a filmmaker promises his movie will have less nudity instead of more.
Untraceable
Diane Lane tracks down a psycho killer in this trailer. The victims are slowly tortured and killed the more people visit a website called Kill With Me. Of course, they'd die much quicker if he called the site Free Pictures of Naked Celebrities.
Big Eyes
Ed Wood screenwriters Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski's next biopic will be on Margaret Keane, the woman who painted all those pictures of kids with big, black eyes. I can't look at that woman's work and not be completely freaked out after seeing that creepy little kid in The Grudge.
Benighted
They're making a film based on the novel in which 90 percent of the Earth's population are werewolves. Know who benefits the most when almost everyone is covered in fur? Shampoo companies.
Dune
The Kingdom's director Peter Berg is rumored to be filming another adaptation of the sci-fi novel about an alien who tames an army of giant worms. If he can train worms, I wonder if that dude could also talk to spiders. If so, I need him to come over and stop the swarms that keep invading my house, like, now.
Love Ranch
Joe Pesci's first major role in almost ten years will be starring alongside Helen Mirren. They'll play a real-life couple who opened the first legal brothel in Nevada. Shoot, I was hoping his big comeback would be in Gone Fishin' 2.
There you have it, phans, the 100th entry of the Phile. I am still hoping to have 3000 views by Christmas, and we're doing good so far. In next week's Phile, we'll take a look back at the last 100 entries, in Peverett Phile 101. Until then, spread the word, not the turd. Thanks for reading.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
A Vanilla Ice Cream Cone With A Chocolate Flake
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