Thursday, November 1, 2007

Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires

Which is good, because I've got a blog to write. Hello, phans, and welcome to another entry of the Phile, the web's most updated blog. Britney Spears did a call-in to Ryan Seacrest’s radio show. Half-way through the interview, she was suddenly gone. Ryan asked her a question and there was no response. Her assistant said she went to take a shower. At least she’s showering, we know that. They called her back a little while later, and she didn’t say much, but she did talk about her Halloween costume. She had a good idea. She’s going to go wearing panties. So she will be totally unrecognizable. Britney Spears' new album is getting great reviews despite being recorded in her car, at a Taco Bell drive through. It’s called “Blackout” and it’s expected to debut at No. 1 on the Billboard charts. They’re expecting it to go gold, then go platinum, then go bald . . . Boston is on a roll — not only did the Sox win another World Series, the Patriots are undefeated; the Celtics have the strongest team in a long time; and Boston won the World’s Largest Pumpkin growing contest. It went to Ted Kennedy’s head. You can’t say enough about these California firefighters. They have been trying hard to put these fires out. Every time someone asks me if I’m tired, I think about them. Yeah, I’m a hero for working all day and then writing this blog, but what these men and women are doing might be even more heroic. Shit, did I just get serious?


Paul Tibbets: The man who commanded the Hiroshima mission. Waitasec! He was FAMOUS? What's the world coming to when killing 80,000 people makes you famous?
Robert Goulet: if ever i would leave youuuu how could it be in autumn knowing how in autumn........ *thud*
Porter Wagoner: Porter Meat-Wagoner.


In the December 2007 issue of Guitar Player magazine Dad was recognized as one of "The Top 40 Underrated Guitarists"!


A woman who had her 13-year-old daughter's genitalia pierced to make it uncomfortable for her to have sex was acquitted of aggravated child abuse. The girl, now 16, had testified that her mother asked a friend in 2004 to shave the girl's head to make her unattractive to boys and later held her down for the piercing. A jury deliberated for about three hours before deciding Thursday that the mother's actions did not involve punishment or malicious intent, or cause permanent damage or disfigurement. The 39-year-old woman, whose name is being withheld to protect her daughter's identity, could have faced up to 30 years in prison if convicted of the charges. The girl was not in court for the verdict. Her guardian declined comment.
"She was trying to protect me, but it hurt me," the girl testified earlier this week. "It not only hurt me physically, but it hurt me mentally. ... That's emotionally scarring. That's physical abuse." Prosecutors said the mother called on a friend to shave the girl's head and do the piercing after realizing that she had been having sex, including with the mother's boyfriend. Defense attorneys told jurors that the mother had trouble with her rebellious daughter and that the girl agreed to the piercing to help rebuild her mother's trust. Child welfare officials were called after the girl became infected from the piercing. Tammy Meredith, 43, who did the piercing in her home, was sentenced to a year in jail for her role. An arrest warrant has been issued for the mother's boyfriend on allegations he had sex with the girl.


Holland's dikes fail, drowning 400,000.
An earthquake and resultant fire in Lisbon kills 50,000. The jail was damaged, and escaped prisoners were looting, setting fires, and committing mayhem. Gallows had to be erected around the city to restore order.
Tits appear for the first time in National Geographic, starting a trend of providing masturbation material to youth for decades. The tits are attached to a Zulu woman.
A rabbit that was born of artificial insemination is shown to the world. History does not record why anyone felt that rabbits needed any help in the procreation department.
A Chinese merchant ship with as many as 6,000 people aboard explodes and sinks off southern Manchuria, killing all aboard.
Attempt by Puerto Rican nationalists to assassinate President Truman at Blair House fails, leaving one of them dead with a bullet in the head.
US Soldiers are exposed to an atomic explosion for the first time in training exercises, at Desert Rock, Nevada. Participation was not voluntary and served both to train and indoctrinate.
A New York City civil jury awards Sandra Miller $100 for battery after an incident in which boxer Mike Tyson grabbed her breasts, insulted and propositioned her. The jury found Tyson's behavior "not outrageous". Mike certainly has a way with women.
A group of South Korean cannibals known as the Chijon Family are sentenced to death for murdering and eating five people. The group was founded in 1993 by ex-convict Kim Ki Hwan and several other prisoners, in solidarity against the wealthy. Eat the rich.


I'm starting to wonder if we're going to see each and every kid on "Kid Nation" before the end of the season. Every week, it seems the focus is on the core group we've seen all along -- the council leaders, Greg, Jared, Sophia, and some others. But then a new kid or two is thrown into the spotlight. Whenever that spotlight shines on a new face in the crowd, it's been obvious that the new face will either be in the midst of controversy or will win the gold star. Predictable? Sure is, but with the size of the cast, I don't see any better way to do it, either. I enjoy "meeting" the kids as the season goes on. Oh, and what's the bet Nathen will turn gay?


Is Bob heralding the return of season one's magic? Save the cheerleader. Save the world. Claire is a cheerleader again. New York is burning, destroyed, evacuated (or whatever) again. Now all we need is Sylar to get his powers back. I can only hope that the overarching plotline will take us in this direction. It's not that I want to see a repeat of season one. I just long for the overlapping stories. I like seeing the characters all together, supers cooperating to save the world. It gives me the warm and fuzzies.


CNN is reporting that William Shatner is upset at not being asked to appear in J.J. Abrams' new Star Trek film. Adding insult to injury, the original Spock (Leonard Nimoy) is on board. I guess you could say the Shat has hit the fan. "I couldn't believe it. I'm not in the movie at all. Leonard, God bless his heart, is in, but not me," says Shatner. "I thought, what a decision to make, since it obviously is a decision not to make use of the popularity I have to ensure the movie has good box office. It didn't seem to be a wise business decision." I think Shatner may be overestimating his box office popularity here, but I certainly think that if you're going to have Nimoy, you need to have Shatner. No? Director Abrams originally had said Shatner would likely play a role, but the pair had a couple of meetings that led to nothing. Chris Pine (Smokin' Aces) is playing the young Captain Kirk. "Heroes"' Zachary Quinto is playing the young Spock, and we don't know much about Nimoy's role in the movie other than that "there's going to be a sense of guidance in this film and beyond." Shatner says simply, "Having been in on the creation of it, I was hoping to be in on the re-creation." I think the guy's got a point. If I had to guess, perhaps Abrams is trying to make a serious, non-jokey Trek film, and the presence of Shatner would upset that balance? Shatner has become more of a comedic figure these days, with his work on "Boston Legal" and appearances like his "Comedy Central Roast". What do you guys think?


G.I. Joe
Hoping to bolster his blockbuster status, George Clooney expects to star in a brainless action film based on the old toy line. However, he's already asking for script changes. Instead of COBRA being an evil foreign terrorist organization, it'll be a clandestine group of powerful American CEOs and rogue U.S. government operatives.
The very cool looking first promo images are now up, including one of Angelina Jolie hanging out of a moving car and shooting a flame thrower. Police have already labeled her as a "person of interest" in the setting of those devastating California wildfires.
In the trailer, Hayden Christensen remains conscious on the operating table while his life flashes before his eyes. Aha! Just as I suspected! He has the same emoting range lying flat on his back with his eyes closed as he does walking around.
Kung Fu Panda
Nacho Libre star Jack Black shows off his klutzy martial-arts moves as a prologue to some footage from his upcoming animated film. Although, it's a shame this is a cartoon, because I'd be more excited to see him wrestle a panda bear for real.
Bond Sequels
Daniel Craig has signed to star as the super spy in four more films. By the last movie, instead of people complaining about his blond tresses, they'll start bitching that he's turned gray.
The classic, convoluted Japanese anime about mutant children destroying Tokyo may finally get a live-action update. Great, maybe these guys can come up with an ending that's actually coherent.
The Flash and Green Lantern
Flash will be directed by David Dobkin (Wedding Crashers), and Greg Berlanti ("Dawson's Creek") is on Lantern. Great, now the fastest man alive is guaranteed to slip on a banana peel, while the emerald hero will probably whine about how it's not easy being green.
Escape From New York
We can all let out a collective sigh of relief now that Brett Ratner is officially not directing the remake. I'm not breathing too easily, though, just in case the dude announces he's making Rush Hour 4.
Mad Money
In the goofy trailer, Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah and Katie Holmes plot to steal old dollar bills from the Federal Reserve before they're destroyed. Lunch breaks must have been very awkward, what with Diane and Queen swapping stories about their Oscar noms, while all Katie could brag about was being the only one of them to win a Razzie.
Crank 2: High Voltage
This Jason Statham is now officially returning in a sequel in which he gets a battery-powered heart that needs constant jolts of electricity to keep him alive. As a publicity gimmick, they should wire the seats of every theater so that whenever his character gets zapped, somebody in the audience gets a jolt of juice in the butt at the same time.
David Letterman-Produced Documentary
The talk-show host is behind this feature about five young people running for office. For one scene, to give the kids tips on public speaking, Dave's having them meet Uma Thurman and Oprah Winfrey. Uma. Oprah. Uma.

Yeah! That's it for another entry. We are so close to hit 3000 by Christmas, I can feel it. Monday is Logan's 8th birthday. I've been a father for eight years. Man, I need to grow up. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.

No comments: