Thursday, November 22, 2007

No, I Will Not Stuff Your Turkey

Hello, welcome to the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated blog with over 3000 views. So, today is Thanksgiving, and I ate way too much today. A big meal at work and another big meal at home. I am a pig. Anyway, tomorrow I turn 39, but I feel like I am turning 89. As I am getting older, these are a few things I think about the older I get. A 30-year mortgage sounds like a pretty clever scam. I no longer consider staying under the speed limit a challenge. My supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. People no longer view me as a hypochondriac. Okay, my wife does, but besides her. In a hostage situation, I am likely to be released first. I know I'm a grown-up because I groan every time I get up. I turn out the light for economic reasons. I have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet. My investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off, and that bundle I've spent on life insurance is starting to look smart, too. My best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws. We have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. My back goes out more than I do. I quit trying to hold my stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative. I am cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police. My secrets are safe with my friends because they can't remember them either. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired. I gave up all my bad habits and I still don't feel good. I learned where my prostate is. I answer questions with, "Because I said so!" I know what the word "equity" means. There, I am getting old. Speaking of getting old, when is this writer's strike gonna be over?


Q: If Vegetarians eat vegetables, what do Humanitarians eat? Or Parliamentarians, for that matter (of course I would expect whatever they eat to be totally Funkadelic)?
A: I've found that humanitarians tend to eat mostly rice and fish. For some odd reason they think they are Vietnamese. Parliamentarians tend to eat up some George Clinton, however, they do like a side of Prince. Throw in some James Brown and Ohio Players and you gotta real meal.


Last year I posted an entryon my birthday with facts all about me. Keeping the tradition alive, here's a new survey.
1) How do you like your grilled cheese?
Chedder on white bread
2) Where did you go on your last vacation?
Nashville, Tn.
3) Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Married still, living in the same house and still working for Disney.
4) Where are you at noon everyday?
Normally at work.
5) How many speeding tickets have you gotten?
6) What did you do last night?
Ate pizza, and watched an episode of "Doctor Who" on DVD.
7) What was your favorite movie in junior high?
Return of the Jedi
8) What is the last thing you said out loud?
9) What do you think of the IPHONE?
Not enough memory. I got my wife one for our tenth anniversary.
10) Are you friends with your most recent ex
That was 13 years ago, so no.
11) What do you do for relaxation?
Watch tv, play on the internet.
12) Where did you get your couch from?
I can't remember. We have two. One came from Rooms To Go though.
13) Do you use a plan book?
14) When was the last time you swam?
Last Easter at the Nick Hotel.
16) Do you keep your closets organized?
Yeah. My t-shirts are color coordinated.
17) How do you make headaches go away?
Excedrin and sleep. It usually takes three days for them to go away though.
18) Have you owned a beta before? What was its name?
Yes and his name was Hooch.
19.) If you moved out of state where would you go?
20) Did you attend pre school?
21) What do your shower curtains look like?
22) Did you have an imaginary friend as a child? If so what was their name?
23) How do you make eggs?
I don't. My wife does.
24) Where do you wash your clothes?
I don't. My wife does.
25) Which parent do you look most like?
My dad.
26) Who are the neighbors who live to the right of you?
Haven't the foggiest. We live in a very anti-social neighborhood.
27) What are your thoughts on Tom Cruise?
Good actor but nuts as hell.
28) What is the next vehicle you wish to buy?
Some kind of hybrid.
29) Do you pay bills online or by mail?
I don't, my wife does.
30) What would be the best gift someone could get you right now?
31) What is something stressful you will deal with next week?
Learning my new role at Disney. I'll beacoordinator.
32) What is something in your home that you collect?
Doctor Who toys.
33) Favorite Band?
I have to say Foghat of course. Before 2000 though. Squeeze otherwise.
34) Where did you get gas last?
The local Kangaroo gas station.
35) How do you take your coffee?
With milk, no sugar.
36) What is the oldest thing in your fridge?
Man, I have no idea.
38) On your keyboard what key is wearing out from pressing it so much?
It's a new keyboard, so there's no key wearing out.
39) Where do you put your keys when you come home?
Bed side table.


Dick "Mr. Whipple" Wilson: I will dedicate the next brown streak left on the delicate Charmin in his honour. That is, unless, I have been eating peanuts or corn.


President John F. Kennedy assassinated.
Linda Peverett goes into labor.
Mae West is dead.
Anthony Burgess, author of the ultraviolent "A Clockwork Orange", dead. He had been diagnosed with a brain tumour and doctors gave him one year to live back in 1959.
The actor who played Spock's father Sarek, Mark Lenard, dead of multiple myeloma at age 68 in Manhattan. He is survived by Leonard Nimoy.
Coolio arrested in Germany, for attempting to shoplift $2000 in clothes. A clerk at the store also claims Coolio punched her in the stomach during the altercation.


Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter? A: 'Cause it's too far to walk.

A man takes his stepdaughter to the free clinic. He tells the doctor, "My stepdaughter needs to be on birth control." The doctor replies, "Is she sexually active?" To which the man replies, "Hell no! She just lies there like her mother."

Q: Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A: A different bar.


Just when you thought Mohinder couldn't get any stupider, he goesand shoots Noah Bennet in the eye. He is really in too deep with this company. And lately, he is making Matt Parkman look like a genius. (Wait, did Parkman just make me say that? Dumb joke, I know.) Let me just say that I was so relieved that those ridiculous mascara-plague twins were absent from this week's "Heroes". However, they are the vehicle to get the devilish Sylar back in the states so I suppose I forgive them on some level. Everyone saw it coming but I like that it's confirmed that Claire's blood can heal people. I can't wait for more showdown scenes with her and Elle next week. I know this is completely nerdy but did anyone catch the title of the episode's reference to The Canterbury Tales? I haven't given it much thought other than that they sound awfully similar. Nothing in the episode struck me as particularly Chaucerian though. Where was Peter? I need a little Petrelli each episode (and Mama Petrelli just won't do). Even the elder Petrelli would have done just fine. All we got was a reference to him by Claire's mother. She said that girls always look for their father in their boyfriends. Noah alluded to the coincidence of Nathan and West both being able to fly. I liked Hiro's eulogy at the end and how his speech correlated to shots of different characters (i.e. Mohinder looking at the gun and probably thinking about what his father would think of what happened; Elle looking at Bob with the new information about what he did to her as a young girl).


Wolverine and Justice League: Depending on who you talk to, both films are doing just fine. Word has it the Justice League cast will be announced this week (most likely tomorrow), and the solo Wolverine flick is all ready to go -- eying a May 1, 2009 release date. Not so fast, says Cinema Blend, who have received a tip from a reliable source that claims both Wolverine and Justice League are running into problems. Could these two films become the next to be delayed by the strike? Regarding Wolverine, here's what their scooper had to say: "Apparently the movie Australia has taken up all the stages at Fox in Sydney, where Wolverine is meant to film, and they just can't accommodate Wolverine at the moment. They're going to have to push back Wolverine." Australia is still filming? Damn, how long has it been now-- at least four, five months? A recent article in The Press claimed pre-production on Wolverine was already underway on the Fox lot in Sydney, and that the film was also going to shoot on location in parts of New Zealand. With Wolverine about to start, I'm sure we'll hear official word soon enough. And Justice League? According to Moviehole's source, "the film is definitely on track" and "the cast is a lock as of today." Ah, but then you have Cinema Blend's source, who says ... "they don't have a finished script and can't work on it until the strike is over, and there's no studio space at Fox Sydney... so maybe one of these productions will have to move to Docklands studios Melbourne (but The Pacific is taking up all the stages there) or Warner Bros Studios on the Gold Coast. So perhaps there's some chance for JLA to get done, of course that probably depends on how much longer the writer's strike goes on. They'll need enough time to finish the script and shoot it before SAG goes on strike. They're rapidly running out of time." It's a game of "Who Has the Better Source" right now, so I guess all we can do is wait it out and see what happens.


Tropic Thunder
Not many pictures remain online of Tom Cruise looking fat and bald after the studio started forcing sites to take it down. Here's one, though. The reason for the removal? Because it's not really Tom in makeup for a cameo in the Ben Stiller comedy. It's really him after a week-long boozing and eating binge when Lions for Lambs bombed.
Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins
Shorthand McG directing T4. 2 bad.
While there's only one brief, mostly obscured shot of the giant monster in the new hi-def trailer, there's lots more footage of the film's wildly shaky, handheld camerawork. I'm definitely going to buy a large tub of popcorn and enjoy this one in the theater. Also, the empty bucket can double as a barf bag.
Final Destination 4
The next film in the series about teenagers avoiding the grim reaper will be in 3-D so that audiences will really feel like they're part of the action. I don't know if "Watching This Movie Will Make You Feel Like You're Going to Die" is a great promotional slogan.
In the disturbing trailer, a teenage girl discovers that she has a set of chompers "down there." I predict a new tradition: parents showing their kids this film every year just before prom night.
The X-Files 2
Actor Lance Henriksen has hinted that Mulder and Scully might meet up with his character from Chris Carter's other TV series, "Millennium". I hope they're not gonna crossover with all his shows. I mean, the guy also worked with Fran Drescher on "The Nanny".
The trailer of the film based on the nonfiction book "Bringing Down the House" turns the bestseller's subjects of primarily Asian-American MIT students into Jim Sturgess, Kate Bosworth and Kevin Spacey. I haven't seen a case of whitewashing this bad since the last time Michael Jackson appeared in public.
The Surrogates
Bruce Willis has signed to star in this sci-fi thriller adapted from a graphic novel about people who live vicariously through robots. In real life, Bruce is hoping to transfer his brain into a robot that looks like his daughter Rumer, to fulfill his lifelong dream of being Miss Golden Globes.
G.I. Joe
Strangely, the first person cast is Sienna Miller, who will appear as the villain Baroness. Some people may doubt the waif-like actress can be an action movie star, but she certainly opened a big can of whup-ass on Jude Law after she caught him with the nanny.
The Well
Steve Guttenberg is still trying to make his big comeback and will star as the father of a boy who falls down a well. Just like Steve's career did in 1988.

There you have it, another entry of the Phile. If you are wondering where is the "Amazing Race" recap and a comment on "Kid Nation", I have not watched them yet. They're DVR'ed so I should see them this week. Well, I am now going to go to bed, get up early and go shopping. Yeah! Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.

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