Back To School

No, not me: Logan. Today Logan went back to school, going to first grade. Life comes at you fast. Not only that, but yesterday was my little sister Leila's 27 birthday. Sheez. Here is some wonderful news. Doctors in Utah were able to successfully separate those conjoined twins. But sadly in Connecticut they were unable to successfully separate Joe Lieberman from President Bush. Senator Joe Lieberman lost his own parties nomination yesterday. He was beaten by new comer Ned Lamont. Or you know him as "Who?” Wasn’t that Fred Sanford’s son? And to his credit, he was just as dull in defeat as he would have been in victory. Give you an idea how bad Lieberman got beaten, even Mel Gibson was feeling sorry for him. Iran announced today that it cloned a sheep. They plan to use the sheep to pull the wool over the U.N.’s eyes. President Bush ruled out sending troops to Lebanon. Know what that means, they don't have oil. 75 hours of video is hitting the internet of O.J. Simpson's day-to-day life. During one radio interview O.J. calls Oprah dishonest...he's done it now...killing two people is one thing, but taking Oprah's name in vain, you're a dead man! Paris Hilton is now claiming she will remain celibate for 365 days. Oh, not in a row…over the course of her lifetime. NBC is considering adding another hour to the today show. Making it now 17 hours long. It will just go to day and then right into tonight. Floyd Landis said the reason he failed the drug test was that he accidentally ingested testosterone from another source. So he ate Barry Bonds. President Bush is currently reading a book about President Lincoln – or as he calls him, "the guy on the pennies”. Reuben Stoddard and Kevin Fedderline are going to record a duet. I believe they’re called "Ebony and Hillbilly”.

And now, for my soap box: Let the resounding defeat of Senator Joe Lieberman send a cold shiver down the spine of every Democrat who supported the invasion of Iraq and who continues to support, in any way, this senseless, immoral, unwinnable war. Make no mistake about it: We, the majority of Americans, want this war ended -- and we will actively work to defeat each and every one of you who does not support an immediate end to this war. Nearly every Democrat set to run for president in 2008 is responsible for this war. They voted for it or they supported it. That single, stupid decision has cost us 2,592 American lives and tens of thousands of Iraqi lives. Lieberman and Company made a colossal mistake -- and we are going to make sure they pay for that mistake. Payback time started last night. I realize that there are those like Kerry and Edwards who have now changed their position and are strongly anti-war. Perhaps that switch will be enough for some to support them. For others, like me -- while I'm glad they've seen the light -- their massive error in judgment is, sadly, proof that they are not fit for the job. They sided with Bush, and for that, they may never enter the promised land. To Hillary, our first best hope for a woman to become president, I cannot for the life of me figure out why you continue to support Bush and his war. I'm sure someone has advised you that a woman can't be elected unless she proves she can kick ass just as crazy as any man. I'm here to tell you that you will never make it through the Democratic primaries unless you start now by strongly opposing the war. It is your only hope. You and Joe have been Bush's biggest Democratic supporters of the war. Last night's voter revolt took place just a few miles from your home in Chappaqua. Did you hear the noise? Can you read the writing on the wall? To every Democratic Senator and Congressman who continues to back Bush's War, allow me to inform you that your days in elective office are now numbered. Myself and tens of millions of citizens are going to work hard to actively remove you from any position of power. If you don't believe us, give Joe a call. P.S. Republicans -- sorry to leave you out of this letter. It's just that our side has a little housecleaning to do. We'll take care of you this November.

DOCTOR WHO NEWS

The official Doctor Who website today officially announced that the second series has been picked up in America by the Sci Fi Channel. Says the release, "The SCI FI Channel and BBC Worldwide Americas have confirmed that Doctor Who will return to SCI FI in September 2006. The run will kick off with a two-hour premiere package that will include David Tennant's debut, The Christmas Invasion. Chris Regina, Vice President of Programming, SCI FI Channel, said 'Our audience has clearly embraced 'Doctor Who' and it has delivered a significant increase in viewers in the time period. We are looking forward to keeping the momentum going with David Tennant as the new Doctor.' Executive Producer and Lead Writer Russell T Davies says, 'We were delighted by the first season's success in the US, and can promise new thrills, new laughs, new heartbreak, and some terrifying new aliens in Season Two.'" Though I'd heard in recent days that there was significant confusion over whether or not "The Christmas Invasion" would be broadcast as a holiday special or as part of the actual run, it now appears that it will be the item that fills part of the two-hour slot on Friday 29 September, which is the date that is listed on the Sci Fi Channel website schedule. There is no word, however, as to whether it will be padded with other material to fill the two hour slot, or if it will be edited to share the two hour block with the first regular episode of the season, "New Earth". The BBC announcement does not list a date; the 29 September date is, however, the current planned launch date both according to our source as well as the Sci Fi "schedulebot". There has been no detail posted on Sci Fi's website, but of course, the official BBC site was also where the first season's broadcast was announced.

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

Diane Henry was voted out of the Big Brother 7 house by a vote of 7 to 1. She left because everyone promised their votes to Erika before Mike Boogie won the competition, and right before she left the house, Diane chastised them, saying, “It’s an all-star show; you guys should know better.” Sitting with Julie Chen, Diane said she hopes Janelle pays for orchestrating her exit. “I want that karma boomerang to come around and take Janelle out of the game, preferably next week,” she said. Janelle’s former ally James seemed to agree; he’s still pissed at her, and seemed to be aligning himself with Danielle. The HOH competition began on the live show but ended a few hours later, and involved the houseguests sitting atop a spider’s web made of rope. Oh, the creativity. The first five people to drop off it, however, had a chance at selecting an “egg,” some of which contained prizes. Julie Chen explained that all competitions this week will feature “difficult choices between power and temptation.” And severe boredom for viewers. But what was genuinely interesting was a new twist Julie teased to us. Julie said that the coup d’etat “twist will enable one person to overthrow the HOH at a moment’s notice.” Julie suggested this will be introduced next Thursday, so this week’s HOH may be safe. Still, it’s about time; where has this been the past month? Well, that was a stupid plan. Danielle nominated Janelle and James with the hopes that he’d win the power of veto and prevent Janelle from escaping eviction. Instead, the opposite happened, and Janelle won, saving herself. Even better, Janelle won by accepting various forms of punishment for the house. In a game that involved earning and spending points for various rewards and punishments, Janelle took a number of punishments, including forcing the entire house to sleep on cots and have no hot water for an entire week. That went over wondefully, as did her decision to put the four non-competing houseguests on slop for a week (although she apparently didn’t accept this punishment, but rather just lied to others and told them she did). Danielle opted for some punishments, trying to ensure that Janelle wouldn’t win the veto; she accepted 24 hours in solitary confinement with just a camp toilet and quasi-oatmeal to eat. Worse, she turned down one of the rewards offered, which was a phone call home. “I’m completely alone,” Danielle said once she realized that her allies hadn’t, surprise surprise, taken any punishments for themselves, but had in fact taken rewards. “I’m so pissed off.” Meanwhile, the other veto players raked in prizes; Boogie walked away with a trip and a plasma TV, while Will won $5,000. Even more incredibly, they managed to successfully blame the prizewinning on Marcellas, once again deflecting attention from themselves. Janelle came close to being the player we remember from Big Brother 7, noting that James’ nomination “doesn’t make sense.” She correctly suggested that he was used as a pawn to get rid of her, but Kaysar (oh, Kaysar!) insisted that James would “never take that deal in a million years.” Alas, he did, and as a result of Janelle’s winning the veto, Danielle put Kaysar up for eviction. He’ll most likely go home on Thursday, his birthday. Better now than after he has four more weeks to make us realize what a terrible player he actually is. In other news, we were treated to a segment with Will and Howie shaving themselves in the yard, and Will did everything in his power to assert his masculinity while he removed all of his body hair, accusing Howie of being a “fruitcake” for offering to help him shave. But the most disturbing part was when Chicken George, ever the sad, sad follower, said he “might as well” shave, too. We did not see this take place, thankfully, but instead were treated to one of the most disturbing images ever filmed: a shirtless George lying face up in front of Howie, saying, “Take it all off.” The editors cut away then, giving all of us just enough time to not hurl a brick through our television screens to make it stop. CBS has announced that, as part of Big Brother 7’s summer of crazy twists and unbelievable turns, former houseguests will return and participate in the three challenges this week. Ooh. Specifically, the as-yet-unknown houseguests will (mild spoilers ahead) “will be incorporated into the HOH competition” next Thursday, and it “will require this season’s All Stars to recall specific clues they have received from the former Houseguests throughout the week in order to be crowned this week’s HOH.” Others “will return to serve as judges during this week’s Food Competition on Sunday” and finally, “former Houseguests [will] also [be] playing a role in the all important Veto Competition on Tuesday.” As a hint of what’s to come, the HouseGuests began seeing ghostly images of former HouseGuests in the windows and mirrors of the house” last night, JAM! Showbiz reports. Tonight’s show will also feature Julie Chen introducing the coup d’etat twist.

SEARCH ENGINE

http://yourdictionary.com/library/mispron.html 100 most commonly mispronounced words. You're telling me it's not Old Timer's Disease?

http://tolerance.org/ Thanks to my friend Ron for telling me about this website. Everyone should read this site.

http://garfieldisdead.ytmnd.com/ Is Garfield really dead?

GET LOST

ABC announced that production begins Aug. 7 in Hawaii on the upcoming third season of its hit SF series Lost, which returns on Oct. 4 and will air Wednesdays at 9 p.m. ET/PT. ABC also offered a new synopsis of what to expect: Jack (Matthew Fox), Kate (Evangeline Lilly) and Sawyer(Josh Holloway) open the season in captivity as prisoners of the Others. Just who these Others are and what they want are primary questions season three will explore. Michael Emerson joins the regular cast in his ongoing role as Henry Gale, leader of the Others. Romance looms on the horizon as Jack's interests veer toward a mysterious new woman, whose motives may be questionable. Sun (Yunjin Kim) and Jin (Daniel Dae Kim) will continue to celebrate their pregnancy, but is the child really Jin's? Locke (Terry O'Quinn) and Sayid (Naveen Andrews) will band together with some of the other survivors and journey across the island in an attempt to free Jack, Kate and Sawyer. Charlie (Dominic Monaghan) will attempt to return into the good graces of Claire (Emilie de Ravin) and her baby, Aaron, but can he be trusted to stay clean and sober? The fates of Locke, Desmond (Henry Ian Cusick) and Mr. Eko (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) in the aftermath of the implosion of the hatch are answered. Will Penny Widmore find the island and her long-lost love, Desmond, and can the survivors find a way to interact with the outside world? Meanwhile, Variety reported that Kiele Sanchez will join the cast as a woman named Nikki, who is possibly a love interest for a new character played by Rodrigo Santoro. In addition, Elizabeth Mitchell joins the cast as Juliet.

THE POLITICALLY INCORRECT ALPHABET

B for beaver. A large aquatic rodent with a reputation for hard work. Just the thing to inspire children, but why the snickering at the back there? Next week, C, D and E.

TODAY IN HISTORY

1628: To assist in the war with Poland, Swedish King Gustavus Adolphus builds a magnificent warship, the Vasa, with 64 bronze cannon on two tiers. But on its maiden voyage, the lower gunports are accidentally left open, and the ship immediately sinks to the bottom of Stockholm harbor. The ship remains submerged until it is raised in 1961 to become a tourist attraction. 1966: Last words of James French, sent to the Electric Chair by the state of Oklahoma: "How about this for a headline for tomorrow's paper? FRENCH FRIES." 1969: Leno and Rosemary LaBianca are brutally murdered in their Los Feliz, California home by followers of Charles Manson. They take some of their victims' blood and smear HEALTER SKELTER on the refrigerator door. 1972: Paul McCartney and his wife Linda are arrested in Sweden after postal officials intercept a parcel of hashish addressed to their band, Wings. 1989: Disgruntled postal worker John Merlin Taylor blows his wife's brains out with a .22 Ruger, then drives to his job at the Orange Glen post office in Escondido, California. There he kills two coworkers on the back loading dock, then wounds another inside before blowing his own brains out. 1996: Heated by the sun, power lines begin to sag in Oregon. Somehow this triggers a series of failures which cascades throughout the Western states. Four million people lose electrical service in Oregon, Washington, California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Montana, and Texas.

CANNED LAUGHTER

Q: How can you tell if a man is well-hung? A: When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q. Why is it good for young boys to read Playboy and Penthouse? A. It improves hand-eye coordination.

Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg? A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.

Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
A: One hundred people who don't do dick.

Q: What is the definition of the perfect wife? A: A rich, mute, nymphomaniac that owns a liquor store.

P.P.T.V.

LOST A-Team If you needhelp and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the Lost A-Team!

WDW College Program Innoventions Fun Here we are having a good old time in the Innoventions breakroom. Todd, Val, Sasha, Steve and I (Vanessa) and some other cast members.

WDW College Program Innoventions Fun 2 Breakroom fun @ Innoventions. har har har *eyes val*

Innoventions Breakroom fun part 3! you know the drill..... 

 

MOVIE BUZZ

The Grudge 2: Watch Buffy — yes, Sarah Michelle Gellar will always be Buffy to me — die in the trailer. I'm guessing Amber Tamblyn is gonna kick the bucket, too. I mean, when your dying sis says, "Don't go in the house with the crazy kabuki kid inside" and you immediately walk right through the front door …

 

Borat: Make click on trailer for make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan!

 

Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny:  It's a fine line between brilliant and retarded, and I'm not really sure which side the trailer falls on. On the one hand, it's got Jack Black and Kyle Gass dressed up as Sasquatch for a wrestling match in a field of giant mushrooms. On the other — wait. That's just rad.

 

School of Scoundrels: In the trailer, Billy Bob teaches Napoleon Dynamite how to score. Hmm — if he can do that, let's get him working on the whole Mideast peace thing.

 

Transformers: You know what's pretty awesome? Watching freaked-out actors nearly getting impaled by evil robots.

 

The Amateurs: The trailer proves what I've known all along: Nothing brings a community together like amateur pornography.

 

Lethal Weapon 5: Will Mel do the sequel to distract everyone from hating him? Maybe they could work his drunken tirade into the plot. Like, his character could have a catchy nickname: Sugar Riggs.

 

Message Board: Apparently Mandy Moore wants to string together a movie script using fan posts on her website. So, there'll be a character named SuP3RMandyFan_84, who's got dialogue like "OMG!!! I cant belive she dmped Zach LOL!!!" Snakes On A Plane: Snakes on a Babe. Sigh. Man Of The Year: The not-exactly-outrageously-funny imagines what life would be like if a Jon Stewart type, played by Robin Williams, were to run for prez and win. Maybe they should have cast, I don't know, maybe JON FREAKING STEWART? The Dukes of Hazzard: the Beginning: Attention, Creepy MySpace Stalkers. The new, disturbingly skinny, straight-to-DVD Daisy Duke wants to be your friend! Well, that's it for another week. Don't forget to check out my webshots page at http://community.webshots.com/album/527540184iyFFCs. I hope to put up pictures from logan's first day of school tonight or tomorrow. I will leave you with a random puicture, remember to spread the word and not the turd.

 

Steroids To Heaven

Hello, and welcome to the Phile, I am your host...Barry Bonds. LOL. Good news: I didn't pass out this week. Last week my doctor put me on a steroid pack for six days, which probably pushed me over the 200 pound mark. I am still waiting to see what is going with me, if I am diabetic, if so what kind and will I become a bigot or gay? Or even a gay bigot? Well, if you think I have health problems, Fidel Castro is still in the hospital with a serious medical condition. He still thinks communism was a good idea until he was being rushed to the hospital in a ’55 Oldsmobile. Israel continues its strike on Hezbollah. Tomorrow they are going to start attacking Mel Gibson’s house. A member of "The View” said they will not see anymore of Mel’s movies. Barbara Walters said that. Mel Gibson responded by saying, "There goes one $3.00 senior discount matinee ticket.” As you may have heard, Mel Gibson was arrested in Malibu on a DUI. I don’t know what he was drinking but I think you can rule out Manischewitz. The sheriff said that Mel’s blood alcohol was .12. Give you an idea how high that is, half a point higher and he would officially be a Kennedy. They said on the news that if he is convicted he could face up to 14 days in the "Thunderdome”. Police said that they found a bottle of tequila in Mel’s Lexus. So let’s some up what happened here; Mel Gibson, who grew up in Australia, was drinking alcohol from Mexico in his Japanese car while yelling about the Jews in Israel. You know where he was coming from? A Thai restaurant. Welcome to America. A lab report this week on Floyd Landis found that he had too much testosterone in his body during the Tour de France. In his defense everyone seems to have too much testosterone when hanging out with a bunch of Frenchmen. Hey, maybe that's my problem, too much testosterone. Nahhhh. "The artist formerly known as Prince” is getting divorced. He was seen removing his belongings from the house formerly known as his. North Korea is going to test a long range ballistic missile and if this works they’re next going to try indoor plumbing. The DEA is warning teachers and parents to be aware of marijuana in the form of gum. They’re putting marijuana in gum now. In fact, you know how you can tell if your gum has marijuana in it? If you think the Bazooka Joe cartoon is really, really funny. News from Orlando: It’s now illegal to feed the homeless in Orlando, Florida. Have you seen the fat people walking around Disneyworld? We should make illegal to feed them. So, it's been so hot all over the Unites States. How hot has it been? It was so hot today Floyd Landis tested positive for Snapple. It was so hot a Guest at Disney was wearing an oscillating turban. It was so hot at "The View” that their new cast member is Ted Williams. It was so hot today I saw a funeral procession pull into a Dairy Queen. It was so hot today I saw an Amish guy buying an air conditioner. It was so hot Bill Clinton got a slurpee and then went to 7/11. And finally, Saddam Hussein said at his trial that he wants to be shot instead of hanged. If he was in the U.S. there would be a third option – go to Florida and golf.

CANNED LAUGHTER

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They were not able to get a volunteer until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with
little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

Okay, let's review the past week of Big Brother. Janelle has won Head of Household for the second time on Big Brother 7. She won the HOH competition—and kept the season six alliance in control for a fourth straight week—shortly after Jase was voted out of the house unanimously. Right before he left, Jase joked about George’s t-shirt, saying, “Crazy people make poor decisions, like wearing a Mr. Fart shirt on national television.” But then he choked up and said, “I hate the way I’m leaving this house. It kills me inside.” He said the same thing to Julie Chen, insisting that he’d be a better player on Survivor, where of course no one ever is surprised when they’re voted out. Tonight’s time-wasting family segment was spent on Dr. Will and his brother, but also featured a cameo by everyone’s favorite electronic toothbrush-wielding psychopathic leech. Yes, Shannon was interviewed, although she was barely recognizable. She changed her name from Shannon Dragoo to a much more porn star-sounding name, Shannon Michelle, which is, coincidentally, how she was credited on the “Playboy: Girls of Reality TV” video. Anyway, the only thing of substance Shannon said was, “Will and I have have not spoken in a couple of years, and it’s unfortunate.” I’m sure he thinks so, too. Speaking of Will, he told the houseguests that he regretted his statements at the veto ceremony, saying he should have said “severely disliked” or “strong disdain” instead of “hate.” Then, on live TV, he plugged his medical practice’s name, and naturally Julie Chen had no idea what was happening, although even Chicken George did (“Oh, here we go,” he said). The HOH competition that followed forced the houseguests who correctly answered questions to eliminate one other player. More significantly, as Julie Chen said, it “will kick off a week’s worth of competitions where you may be single-handedly responsible for the fate of your housemates.” Perhaps some producers have awakened from their naps and decided to do something more creative than changing the punishment food from peanut butter to oatmeal. Or not. Julie also promised that on Tuesday, we’d find out the answer to this scintillating question: “How will America’s wake-up calls affect the houseguests as they compete for the Power of Veto?” Yes, on Friday night, the houseguests will be awakened periodically with voice mail messages left by us; presently, CBS is asking how often we want to wake them up. This is of no help to me; what I need is someone to call me during the show and wake me up, especially if it continues to focus on such tragically lame events in the house. It’s like we’ve regressed back to season one. I’ve been desperate for this season of Big Brother to get interesting, and I think I got my wish the other night. Janelle wanted Boogie or Will to win the veto so she could get rid of a floater. “I don’t think anyone else is seeing the big picture here. … they have voting power and they’re actually much better players than Chill Town,” Janelle said of the floaters. James insisted they “have to go after the people we know are coming after us,” referring to Chill Town. Mike Boogie won the veto competition, which came after a night of sleep deprivation thanks to wake-up calls played at high volume every 15 minutes, driving the houseguests crazy. (“I’m about to throw myself over this balcony,” Marcellas said.) Mike Boogie celebrated his win by being the dumbass that he is, kicking glass goggles and earning himself a cut that required 10 stitches. Naturally, he planned to remove himself as a nominee for eviction, and thus Janelle had to decide whether to nominate Dr. Will (and make her alliance and the rest of the house happy) or to go with her strategy of attacking floaters. When Janelle told him and the other BB6ers that she planned to nominate Diane, James reminded her that he nominated his buddy Jase last week. “You just said you’re doing what’s best for you, not the team. … I took the team into consideration, went against what was best for me last week, and now you have fucked me. You lied to my face, Janie. You have no idea what you’re doing,” he said. Later, to Danielle, James signaled that he’s done with his season six group. “I want to start the revolution. When I get HOH next week, I’m gonna backdoor that bitch,” James told Danielle. Janelle may have been right about the floaters presenting a bigger threat. However, she now she has everyone pissed off at her: members of her own alliance and the floaters. With only Boogie and Will as allies, she doesn’t have much of a shield, as the members of Chill Town are about as reliable as a boat made of Kleenex. More on Big Brother below.

P.P.T.V.

Dewey  Dewey decides the only thing this party is missing is a little explosives. Shot in Deweyvision at the Von Zeller studios in sunny Mammoth City, California. (This was sent to me from one of my best friends Ron, that is brother made.)

Big Brother 7 Big Brother 7 live feeds. Brokeback Big Brother 7 Brokeback Big Brother 7. jack shack big brother 7 jack shack big brother 7. Big Brother 7 Competition 7/30/06 Big Brother 7 Competition 7/30/06.

Sexy Carwash Originally appearing in LIVE 42 NEWS II, the clip has been made into a surprise commercial...a sexy carwash commercial.

 

Star Wars on a Banjo Yee haw, Luke!

 

And now, for a new feature called...

THE POLITICALLY INCORRECT ALPHABET

I recognise that this does not match the stated aims of this alphabet (you wouldn't have seen "A for abortion" on many mid C20th classroom walls), but it was too engaging a suggestion to pass up. My sympathy goes out to anyone who has had to make the decision to have an abortion. Thankfully the backstreet methods of a coathanger, or a knitting needle, or a hot bath and gin are no longer necessary in many countries. Next week, the letter B.

SEARCH ENGINE

http://www.wearetheweb.org/ Music video by Internet celebrities promoting net neutrality. And they didn't call me, those bastards!

http://www.letssaythanks.com/ Come here and pick a free card to send to an anonymous US soldier serving overseas.

I COME FROM A NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS

BRITAIN'S biggest theme park has called off the country's first National Muslim Fun Day because of lack of interest, the park said. Alton Towers in central England was to open on September 17 for Muslims - with halal food, a strict dress code and prayer areas. Music, gambling and alcohol were to be banned for the day and theme park rides such as Ripsaw, Corkscrew and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory all segregated by gender. But the park said the event's organisers, Islamic Leisure, who rented the park for the day and were marketing the event, had called it off due to "insufficient ticket sales". A park spokeswoman said Islamic Leisure would refund those who bought tickets. Organisers had hoped to fill a niche for Britain's 1.7 million Muslims, some of whom may be uncomfortable with mainstream entertainment. But the fun day had caused some consternation: a non-Muslim couple scheduled to hold their wedding at the park's hotel complained to newspapers that event organisers told them the bride and female guests would have to cover up. The park promised the party would be exempt from the rules. A park spokeswoman said the wedding would take place as planned.

TODAY IN HISTORY

1950: The U.S. Army knowingly kills hundreds of civilian refugees when Maj. General Hobart R. Gay gives the order to demolish the bridge, including refugees, over the Naktong River at Waegwan, Korea. 1963: Almost a year after the world barely averted World War III during the Cuban Missile Crisis, the Hotline between the Pentagon and the Kremlin goes live. The system consists of two teletype machines, with a full-time communications link routed through London, Copenhagen, Stockholm, and Helsinki. Not to be confused with the Batphone. 1966: Comedian and social critic Lenny Bruce dies of a morphine overdose in his Hollywood Hills home, two years after his original obituary was published in The Realist. At the time of his death, Bruce was being maliciously harassed by police and districts attorney in various states for his groundbreaking standup performances, causing great difficulty in finding venues at which to perform. 1996: An angry God makes "Macarena" by Los Del Rio #1 on the pop charts. The accompanying dancing disease afflicts millions before final eradication. 
 

MOVIE BUZZ

 

The Dark Knight: Heath Ledger is the Joker. By law, I'm required to come up with at least one Brokeback Mountain reference. How about the Broker? Nah, that's stupid. Jokeback Mountain? Hmm … this is not going to be easy.

 

The Departed: Remember when Leo was just a cute little kid on Growing Pains? In the trailer for Scorsese's next crime flick, he looks closer to De Niro in Taxi Driver.

 

Die Hard Or Live Free: Why will McClane have a son played by the Mac commercial guy? It's a pathetic attempt to win over Gen-Y kids. The new title is yet another nail in the coffin. Somehow I don't think this is going to inspire the same uproar as trying to rename Snakes on a Plane.

 

Benighted: Now here's a title change that makes sense. The guy who directed Narnia is doing a big-budget werewolf movie based on a book whose original title was Bareback. Someone get Heath Ledger on the phone!

 

Pet Sematary remake: There is no way in hell George Clooney is going to star in a remake of Pet Sematary. Although I hear he may cameo as the cat that's brought back from the dead.

 

Rambo 4: Rambo's gonna be a shadow of his badass self, working at a Bangkok monastery and selling scrap metal for a living. I guess one night in Bangkok really does make a hard man humble.

 

Iron Man: Jon Favreau rules. He was the only funny thing about The Break-Up, and now he's gonnacast Terrence Howard as War Machine, the guy who steps in to help Iron Man bust baddies when he's too hung over to get out of bed. Babel: What do Brad Pitt, Moroccan slums, Cate Blanchett and wild Japanese teens have in common? They're all in this confusing trailer. Notice that this column has been 100 percent Mel Gibson–free. Until just now. D'oh! And now for the review of The Ant Bully. A bullied kid becomes the bully himself, stomping on an ant colony. The wizard ant — there's always a wizard ant blowing your good time, you know? — shrinks the kid to ant size. Then the queen of the ants makes the kid live with them and learn their ways, cooperating and thinking like an ant. Then the kind has to save them all. You've mostly seen it before. It was called Antz. Then it was called A Bug's Life. What is it about? How an evil violent capitalist learns the joys of communal living, conformity and socialism. Either that or a metaphor for George W. Bush being put on trial for war crimes against Iraq. Talking. So much talking. No one trusts the beauty of the animated image any more. They have to fill every single second with non-stop yapping and semi-clever lines. And the reason no one trusts the beauty of the animated image anymore? Because everyone abandoned soft 2D in favor of this cold, stupid, harsh, ugly 3D digital stuff. There. That's off my chest. Anyway, I didn't care about the characters, and almost fell asleep half way through. From 1 to 10, I give it a five. Logan on the other hand loved it. His favorite part was "when the bees sting the guy when they were fighting the guy [pest control man]." Well, that's it for another Phile. Remember to check my Webshots pages at http://community.webshots.com/album/527540184iyFFCs . I'll be back next Thursday, remember, spread the word and not the turd.

 

Should've Kept My Eyes Shut

Hello, welcome to the Peverett Phile, I am your host, Fainting Goat. It's true, my friends, after passing out at work and taken in an ambulance to Celebration Hospital, it turns out I am diabetic. Tomorrow I am going to get more tests done though. There is nothing but disasters on the news - the Mideast, power blackouts, the Dodgers. The Dodgers lost again. That’s 13 loses out of 14 games. See what happens when you tighten the boarders and you can’t get anymore immigrants. We have to reopen the border immediately. Happy Birthday to Mick Jagger.163 years old yesterday! No, he turned 63. Mick’s secret to looking good? Always stand next to Keith Richards. Ford is now coming out with personal computers inside their vehicles. This is so Ford employees can look for a job on the way to work. Have you seen the weather map in "USA Today”? All the states are red. It’s like a dream-come-true for Karl Rove: 50 red states. So, Al Gore if you’re reading this, we give up! You were right. Now make it stop. Make it go away. John Kerry said over the weekend that if he were president the current conflict in the Middle East wouldn’t be happening because he would be more involved in the Middle East. More involved? Bush has invaded the place. How much more involved can he get than that? Congratulations to Floyd Landis, young man from Pennsylvania, for winning the Tour de France. This is the eighth time in a row an American has gone through France and into Paris. Eighth times! Even the Germans only did it twice. Floyd Landis, came back from being eight minutes behind. Despite that he needs hip replacement surgery. He still won. Here’s my question, can the French even ride a bicycle anymore? We sent a guy who had cancer and he won seven times. We sent a guy who needs a new hip he won this time. Why are we making this trip anymore? We should call this thing the "Tour de Indiana.” Make them come over here. The demand for air conditioning caused a power outage in Santa Monica that crashed MySpace for 18 hours. Law enforcement officials said it was the safest teenage girls have been in twenty years. Some sad news, the first lesbian couple to legally get married in the state of Massachusetts has split up. They cited "irreconcilable similarities”. Congratulations to the new Miss Universe. It’s Miss Puerto Rico. Is it just me or does it seem like the winner is always from earth? In England this week they recorded their highest temperature in history. Good thing they can all cool offwith a refreshing meat pie. President Bush met with the prime minister of India. There was an awkward moment when Bush said, "Now that you’re here could you see why my computer is acting up?” Producers of "The View” have removed every picture of Star Jones that remains from the offices. They also removed the Velveeta fountain from her old dressing room. And finally, Dan Baldwin was in a car crash last night. As you might expect the pizza was not delivered.

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

While I am getting used to be a diabetic, life in the Big Brother 7 house continued to shuffle forward, and the show aired three more episodes. On Thursday, Nakomis was booted by a vote of 8 to 2, having remained on the block when Erika won the power of veto and chose not to use it. Kaysar spent part of Tuesday’s episode trying to justify his “lame-ass nominations,” as Marcellas called them; even Kaysar’s ally Janelle called his decision “easy way out” and said his “nominations just suck” because Kaysar made a deal with Will and Boogie, the least-trustworthy people in the house. But after yet another season six alliance member won HOH on Thursday, the strategizing became a bit more interesting. James realized he was the odd person out in the alliance, and considered working with Will, who’s apparently only transparent when you’re not interacting with him in person. The Six talked about putting George up in order to force a non-season sixer to put up one of their own, and because “he’s fucking worthless,” as James told Danielle. James abandoned the first plan and embraced the second, nominating both George and Dr. Will, who looked like a damn Oompa Loompa during the nomination ceremony thanks to either a horrible fake tan or too much sunlight on his pasty skin. James seemed to suggest that Will wasn’t just a pawn, but might actually go home. If only. Most of that happened toward the end of last night’s episode. Finally: Big Brother 7 got exciting. And unbelievably, Chicken George was the catalyst. The crazy bastard won the power of veto and saved himself, and what happened after that was a full-scale implosion. The veto challenge started by having the competitors burn their clothes, get written on with markers, and dye themselves blue—challenges clearly designed and practiced by drunk interns. But the last two tasks were intriguing: First, the remaining competitors had to agree to sit out the next veto. That left just Kaysar and George, who next had to agree to shave their heads. (Someone watched The Amazing Race!) Both did, despite Marcellas’ protests about Kaysar losing his hair. Earlier, we were treated to an entire segment about the crush he has on Kaysar. Marcellas even said that when he noticed Kaysar “actually kind of stank” one day, “I was trying to catch the smell in my nose so I could sort of keep it forever. That smell is better than banana cupcakes.” The tiebreaker asked Kaysar and George how many of the remaining 60 days they’d be willing to eat slop oatmeal. George went for all 60 days, and won the veto, which he used to save himself. As a result, HOH James had to nominate someone new, and that person was Jase, who the BB6 alliance agreed was a threat—more of a threat, apparently, than the Chill Town alliance. When Jase found out about this, he stormed into the back yard, where everyone was gathered while waiting for the veto ceremony. “I love getting back-doored,” Jase said, shortly before he began throwing things around in anger. He called it “the bitch route,” primarily because he’d made a pact with James to get rid of the weak players so they could go head-to-head as strong players. Jase, who really needs to stop wearing sleeveless shirts or get deodorant that doesn’t turn his armpits white, called himself a “true competitor of the game.” He used his mad skillz to try to turn the group, and James, against Marcellas, who started shouting and said Jase is “trying to throw me under the bus” as a “last-ditch effort.” For his part, James was ridiculously angry that he had to nominate someone else besides non-threatening simpleton George. “Everything I have worked for is now down the drain; I’m busting my ass in here,” he said. If only James knew what it was like to nominate someone week after week after week, only to have that person save themselves with the veto. Oh, irony. As all of this went down, Will sat quietly, ate a sandwich, and smiled. The fucker is going to win again—perhaps because of the speech he gave at the veto ceremony. Knowing the group was much more likely to vote out Jase, Will went on a tirade, first explaining that he was motivated during season two by the fact that he disliked some people in the house. He then wondered why he wasn’t motivated this season, saying, “I thought it was because I really like everyone here. I can’t find an individual to hate, because I hate you all. I’m going to ask to be removed from this game by you all. Now, if you refuse to kick me out, I will be throwing every competition, I will throw every HOH, I will throw every POV, and I will throw every food competition. George is on slop, and I will do the best I can to ensure that we all are on slop, unless you get together, have a big group meeting, and vote me out.” Although the houseguests laughed and smirked while he talked, Will told us later, “I have made the target on my back so giant that it’s become invisible.” And it’s hard not to see how smart he actually is, because he will likely survive this nomination and then coast for weeks. After Will ranted, George gave a stirring speech about second chances, saying “I’m just honored to be with each and every one of you. You are all-stars, you are all-stars at something in life.” Then he saved himself and kept his chicken ass in the game for at least one more week. If only he could be this interesting all the time. Besides the alliance of the four Big Brother 6 cast members, there may be a secret alliance of four others inside the Big Brother 7 house. This new alliance was revealed on the live feeds last week, and may help explain the angry reaction of HOH James after George won and used the veto. During “a private conversation … it was revealed that James, Will, Danielle Reyes and Mike ‘Boogie’ Matlin had formulated a pre-game alliance before stepping into the ‘Big Brother’ house,” according to Jam! Showbiz. Discussing the possiblity of James nominating Will and George in order to force George out, Dr. Will said, “My goal is not to go to sequester. Next week, I will be somewhat nervous. You don’t need to feel weird about nomming me.” Thus, when George saved himself, that created a problem for James. Separately, Will also said that he “was promised over and over by the producers that this would be huge,” referring to the all-star season, and asked James, “Can we make some general agreement that if it comes to Week Five, you will kick me?” He wants out of the house before sequester begins. Will is not alone. While the houseguests receive $4,000 a week for being on the show outside of any prize money, they earn $5,000 a week for being sequestered as part of the jury. Still, many of the houseguests are reportedly bitchy about the possibility of being sequestered. According to Reality TV Calendar, “Will, Mike Boogie, Danielle, Jase and Marcellas have all said on the feeds that they would not go to sequester. They would refuse to participate in the show any further.” And here’s another example of why having an all-star cast just isn’t always the best idea: they know too much and have inflated impressions of themselves and their importance.

P.P.T.V.

Bob Dylan commercial Dylan's early remarks on selling out, then the first commercial in which his one of his songs/he was in.

 

SEARCH ENGINE

http://www.3dtris.de/ Ouch, my brain hurts from playing this.

http://www.lulu.com/ Publish your book with no up-front costs (like cafepress for books)

PEVERETT PHILE TOP 5 LIST

Another new feature of the Phile, a Top Ten List with a difference. The first one is: Top 13 Craziest Mental Disorders (and I would know). 1) Adolf Hitler was triskaidekaphobic, which is a fear of number 13. A specific fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia or friggatriskaidekaphobia. Tetraphobia is the fear of the number 4 in China, Japan, and Korea. 2) Kleptomania: steal what you can. Inability to resist impulses of stealing. A person with this disorder is compelled to steal things, generally things of little or no value, such as pens, paper clips, or miniature toy cars (dinky cars). They are often unaware of performing the theft until some time later. 3) Bigorexia or Muscle dysmorphia is a disorder in which an individual becomes obsessed that they are not muscular enough. Sometimes referred to as bigorexia or reverse anorexia nervosa, it is a very specific case of body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). Muscle dysmorphia can cause individuals to: - Constantly check themselves in a mirror. Become distressed if a gym session is missed. Take potentially dangerous drugs (e.g. anabolic steroids). Neglecting jobs/relationships/family due to exercising. 4) Bibliomania is an obsessive-compulsive disorder involving the collecting of books to the point where social relations or health are damaged. The purchase of multiple copies of the same book and edition and the accumulation of books beyond possible capacity of use or enjoyment are frequent symptoms of bibliomania. 5) It causes the sufferer to occasionally experience a tremendously loud noise as if from within his or her own head, usually described as an explosion or a roar. This usually occurs within an hour or two of falling asleep, but is not the result of a dream.

I'VE COME FROM A NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS

A DETECTIVE was arrested for allegedly filming up women's skirts with a hidden camera. The married anti-terrorist officer told police he was working undercover to video al-Qaeda suspects. Butback at the station they found his camera had close-ups of bottoms and knickers. He was nabbed by a plain-clothes team watching out for perverts and paedophiles in Trafalgar Square, Central London, on Tuesday. A police source claimed the man, a Scotland Yard surveillance expert with more than 20 years' experience, had the camera hidden in a sports bag. He added: "The officer used surveillance techniques for his own perverted hobby - taking pictures up women's skirts.

"It was one of the year's hottest days and Trafalgar Square was packed with young women in skimpy clothes. When officers moved in, he told them he was a cop on an anti-terror operation. "But the pictures were not of terrorist suspects planning a bombing, they were of knickers." The officer was arrested on suspicion of causing a public nuisance. He has been suspended.

MOVIE BUZZ

Before I go into the movie buzz, I need to come up with a new name, as I don't like the name I have. So, if anyone can come up with a new name instead of Movie Buzz, please let me know.

Spider-Man 3: A new preview was shown to the nerd horde at Comic-Con. What'd you miss? Topher's transformation into Venom. Oh, and this production art makes me think that Superman ain't the only superhero fighting off gay rumors.

Batman Begins 2: Ans peaking of gay super heroes... Heath Ledger is the new front-runner to play the Joker. Stand-up comics everywhere, rejoice: You can ride your tired Brokeback material for another year!

Dallas:The Movie: Okay, I came up with a new name for the feature. I'm changing the name of this column to Scarlett Johansson Watch. This week, S.J.'s supposedly stepping into the role once rumored for Jessica Simpson. Hmm — probably not a good choice, but at least she's not doing another Woody Allen movie.

The Fountain: If you wanna impress artsy-fartsy types, talk about this trailer in the same way I talk about most art — by proclaiming it brilliant even though it looks like total gibberish.

Children of Men: Clive Owen and everyone else in the trailer are freaking out because nobody on Earth can get pregnant. But they're missing a more important point: It must be way easy to score.

Pursuit of Happyness: In the trailer, Will Smith tells his kid that if you put your mind to it, you can do anything. Except spell "happiness."

Stranger Than Fiction: In the trailer, Will Ferrell hears a voice in his head saying, "Will, you'd better hope Talledega Nights doesn't stink, because if it bombs, your career is over."

Untitled Lance Armstrong Biopic: Jake Gyllenhaal might play Lance Armstrong. To deserve a big-screen bio, the subject must be dead … or close to it. Hasn't anyone noticed that nothing can kill Lance?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Despite being aimed squarely at tween boys, the trailer actually looks kinda cool. Or maybe I'm just entering a second childhood.

Star Trek 11: What all the "cool" Trekkies will be wearing in 2008.

Well, that's it for another entry. I am still waiting for comments, people. Remember, spread the word and not the turd.

 

 

Just A Few Things I Ain't

I've been scruff bag, dirt bag, always someones binbag, but never been bono or sting.
However I dressed never really impressed, so they never got to hear a damn thing. I've been bad man sad man certified mad, but never 007 or saint. Trendsetter go getter international jet setter, are just a few things that I ain't. I've been smart arse, mardy arse, on and off a lard arse, but never been a legend to god. New thing dumb thing even last year's thing. Headbang? - not even a nod! I've been left-wing, secure-wing, lost stripes, gained winged. I've never caused a lady to faint. Wideboy, ladyboy, read it in the paper boy. A few things they said that I ain't. Howdy, and welcome to the Phile once again. Tomorrow I go to the doctor's to find out if I have diabeties or if I'mhyperglim something. I will letcha know what happens in next week's Phile.Yesterday President Bush vetoed funding for stem cell research. But I don't know if he gets it. Bush said stem cells may be dangerous especially if people talk on them while driving. A lot of people were complaining today about how long it’s taking to evacuate Americans from Lebanon. Lebanon? Hey, we couldn’t even evacuate Americans from New Orleans. People still talking about President Bush’s use of a four letter word at the G8 Summit. Is that really a big deal? Now if Bush was to use a four syllable word…I think that would be… President Bush had a number of gaffes at the summit. At one point he was seen giving a neck rub to the German Chancellor. You know what this means – he’s drinking again. This week in a speech Vice President Dick Cheney said that either we are serious about this war or we’re not. Of course people weren’t sure if he meant the war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan, or the war against people who disagree with him. Business analysts say that McDonald's is doing really well lately because Americans have to spend more money on gas so they're going to McDonald’s rather than more expensive restaurants. So basically, as Americans have to spend more for oil they're looking to pay less for grease. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are getting married. They are going to be living in Malibu in a $10 million trailer. They are getting married on a yacht. Pamela not only will be a bride but also a flotation device. A lot of military experts are wondering how the U.S can stop Israel from getting bombed. Israel? We can’t even stop Pete Coors from getting bombed. Did you hear about this story? The Coors brewingcompany CEO Pete Coors had his license revoked after being arrested for drunk driving last may. At least he uses the product! How creepy is this? A Dutch court has given approval for a new political party whose main goal is to lower the age of sexual consent from 16 to 12. Today Michael Jackson was seen shopping for wooden shoes. You know the worst thing about the heat wave across the country. Al Gore walking around saying, "I told you so. I told you so.” If Al Gore’s movie is correct the polar ice caps are shrinking, the ozone layer is shrinking, and the glaciers are shrinking. The only thing not shrinking? Al Gore. Scientists say now that they are very close to developing chocolate that won’t melt. It’s a chocolate you can eat in hot climates. Apparently we’re holding off on that cure for cancer. Let’s get this chocolate breakthrough first. I don’t know if this is a coincidence or not but, Ken Lay died last week. And today hell filed for bankruptcy. Okay, let's get on with this entry.

THERE IS A GOD

Faster than a speeding bullet, comic book superheroes are coming to a post office near you. Batman and Superman, Wonder Woman, Supergirl and a half dozen other superheroes will star on new postage stamps being released Thursday. The new 39-cent stamps and 24-cent postal cards will be made public at a comic book show in San Diego, and will go on sale nationwide Friday. The stamps are sold in a sheet of 20, half featuring the individual superheroes and half showing covers of comic books starring them. The Postal Service reports this is its first set of super hero stamps, indicating more are likely to follow. Characters featured in the stamps are: Batman: Young Bruce Wayne mastered all forms of combat after his parents were killed. He uses his wealth to equip himself with the tools to become the great crime fighter. He made his debut in 1939 and was joined by Robin a year later. Wonder Woman: A figure of strength, beauty and courage, she has been inspiring women since her first appearance in 1941. Plastic Man: After an accident at a chemical plant gives Eel O'Brian the ability to stretch and alter his shape, he renounces his criminal past and becomes the longest arm of the law. He debuted in 1941. Superman: The Man of Steel first appeared in 1938 and has been an icon ever since. Raised in Smallville, the baby from Planet Krypton uses superpowers to battle evil. Green Lantern: Launched with the space age, test pilot Hal Jordan became Green Lantern, a galactic peace officer with an emerald power ring. The Flash: Police scientist Barry Allen is transformed into the fastest man alive in 1956 by an explosive mixture of lightning and laboratory chemicals. Aquaman: The former King of the Seven Seas remains is determined to protect both the Atlanteans and surface dwellers from those who endanger them, using his strength, speed and ability to communicate with marine life. Hawkman: He has artificial wings powered by the mysterious "Nth metal" which allow him to soar through the sky in pursuit of evildoers. He is a master of ancient weapons. Supergirl: Superman's cousin arrives on Earth as an impressionable teenager and eventually becomes his secret weapon. Green Arrow: First appearing in 1941, the Emerald Archer learns his skills while trapped on a desert island. He later escapes to become a modern Robin Hood. The new 39-cent stamps and 24-cent postal cards will be made public at a comic book show in San Diego, and will go on sale nationwide Friday. The stamps are sold in a sheet of 20, half featuring the individual superheroes and half showing covers of comic books starring them.

 

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

Big Brother 4 runner-up Alison was the first person evicted from the Big Brother 7 house. Julie Chen revealed the results live and tried to trick everyone, saying, “By a vote of 8 to 2, Danielle—you are safe.” Oh, Julie! Alison took the walk of shame, and outside, seemed repentant, or seemed to realize that soon, Janelle’s fans would be screaming “busto” at her in the grocery store. Of Janelle, who she twice threatened with death, Alison said, “She’s really not that bad, I promise. It’s just the stress.” She added, “I think Janelle’s a great person and a great competitor. … It’s embarrassing to hear I said something like that … I apologize completely.” Alison assisted in the HOH competition, which crowned a single HOH (“this week, we return to the tradition of one HOH,” Julie said). The houseguests were asked a series of true or false questions based upon answers Alison gave during the break. As a side note, before Julie interviewed Alison, some houseguests were gathered around a screen in the house, because it was apparently still showing Julie about to interview Alison. The feed was cut before the interview began, but had producers not noticed, presumably, the houseguests would have heard Alison’s answers during the break. But they clearly did not. Everyone got both the first (Alison thinks Howie is smarter than Will, false, duh) and second (the all-star most likely to wear a bikini made of peanut butter is Kaysar, false) correct. But everyone except Kaysar and Nakomis answered the third question (prior to entering the house, Alison thought her toughest competition would be Erika, true) incorrectly. Both Kaysar and Nakomis got question four (Alison thought the person who would gain the most weight in the house would be Janelle) correct. But the game was decided at question five, which asked if Alison thought Will was the most likely person to seek revenge using a person’s toothbrush in a toilet. The answer was false; Kaysar was correct, and won. But alas, Julie Chen is a twit, she said, “Nakomis, congratulations, you are the new head of household—oh, I’m so sorry! It is Kaysar, my mistake. Sorry, Nakomis.” She said that even though Nakomis’ wheel clearly said “true” and Kaysar’s clearly said “false.” It wouldn’t be Big Brother without Julie being incapable of reading the words True and False, which were even color-coded. Luckily, Julie now gets a week off to learn the difference between the two. On Sunday's episode the first food challenge brought a new punishment food (“slop”; PB&J has been retired) that, coincidentally, the houseguests had to stick their heads into in order to win real food for the week. Kaysar is the new HOH, and way too much time was spent showing us his new HOH room. “The decor is completely different … it’s amazing,” he said. No, what’s amazing is that this is the seventh season and we’re still having HOH bedroom segments to fill time. Later, Kaysar and Erika talked about love. Dr. Will was actually, and apparently non-ironically, wearing a shirt that said “Chill Town.” And this season is officially boring. There was one interesting revelation: Erika admitted that she dated Josh from season one, and said “it’s been hard” and “horrible. … Maybe it was the wrong relationship for me,” she said. You think? When it came time for nominations, many expected Kaysar to nominate Will and others. “I’m probably going to get nominated,” Will said. But he wasn’t, as Kaysar nominated Diane and Nakomis. Now, Nakomis is certainly smart(er than her brother), and anyone who wants to win will have to deal with her at some point. But in week two? What about Dr. Will? Mike Boogie? Danielle? Jase? “I want to get the biggest bang for my buck,” Kaysar said, and said he wanted a “percussion blow.” Alas, dude, you tore your dollar into tiny little pieces and scattered them around, and all you got was basically a weak fart. Hell, even Mike Boogie said it was a “major, major mistake” not to nominate both himself and Will. Kaysar initially said he was concerned that Chill Town would “aggressively come after us” if he nominated them. Later, he told Boogie and Will that he wanted to “weed out some of the stragglers.” Since when did Kaysar make strategic decisions based upon minimizing conflict or targeting the weakest players? Perhaps it was after he gave up the HOH competition last season and proved he wasn’t really a good player after all. And that seems to be what we’re left with: Kaysar’s a nice guy who brilliantly broke up the dominant alliance last season, but since then he’s done nothing but choke. What will happen in tonight's episode?

SEARCH ENGINE

Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn’t give their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

I COME FROM A NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS

Channel 4 is to screen footage from Britain's first 'marathon masturbation' event. Hundreds of sexual exhibitionists – both male and female – are expected to attend the charity event in Central London early next month. A 60-minute documentary, entitled Wankathon, will follow in the autumn. John Beyer, head of Mediawatch, which campaigns against 'offensive' issues in the media, condemned the planned broadcast. obscenity laws 'were always a matter of interpretation'. The Wankathon is the brainchild of the San Francisco-based Centre for Sex and Culture, which holds similar events in the US to help safe-sex groups. Prizes will be on offer for those who have the most orgasms and those who can masturbate the longest –the record is eight-and-a-half hours. Faked orgasms are not allowed and competitors who break this rule three times can expect to be disqualified. However, the invigilators, who will also be naked, have not said how they expect to spot 'fakers'.

BROKEN

The pencil is shaped like a cactus. The eraser is at the end of the outline of the cactus, making the eraser unusable, unless you were to break off the end of the pencil to use the eraser.

SEX TOY OR BABY TOY

Last week's answer: a child's pull toy.  That's the last of the sex toy or baby toy quiz for awhile. I hope you enjoyed it, and I betcha can't wait for the next Peverett Phile quiz.

P.P.T.V.

Jim Carrey at 1999 VMA's Jim Carrey in rare form... "Would it kill you to play some FOGHAT?"

Chris Halen performs Slow Ride Chris Halen performs "Slow Ride" by Foghat with the group The Infinite Jesture. Now, keep in mind, Chris barely knew this song. Just a sample.

 

It's back....

 

MOVIE BUZZ

 

The Prestige: The trailer's like a Dungeons & Dragons battle come to life, but instead of a basement full of virgins pretending to be magicians, it's got Christian Bale duking it out with Hugh Jackman.

 

Snakes On A Plane: The "phobia" trailer lists the forms of terror you'll encounter: agoraphobia, the fear of public places; claustrophobia, the fear of confined places; aviophobia, the fear of flying; and ohphidiophobia, the fear of snakes. But there is one omission: overhypophobia, the fear of not living up to Internet fanboys' expectations.

 

Beerfest: I love beer. I love the way it tastes. I love the way it smells. I love the way it makes everybody more attractive. I love the way it makes me temporarily forget all of my problems. Maybe it's the beer goggles, but this trailer looks damn good.

 

Spider-man 3: The online teaser poster, like, changes color and stuff. I wish they'd stop wasting time inventing magic posters and give us another trailer.

 

Edison Force: Justin Timberlake is the kiss of death. Alpha Dog's been awaiting release for ages, and now Edison Force is going straight to DVD. The only way to save his movie career: a big-screen adaptation of The Barry Gibb Talk Show.

 

The Other Boleyn Girl: One Boleyn girl is Natalie Portman. The other is Scarlett Johansson. Apparently everyone in 16th-century England was mind-bogglingly hot.

 

Halo: While the script gets rewritten, rumors have Denzel Washington playing Master Chief. He's suitably butt-kicking — the Déja Vù trailer could be his audition reel. Panther: Jamie Foxx is right: There's only one guy who can play the Black Panther, and his name is LL Cool J. I submit as proof the cover of the best hip-hop record of 1989. Well, there we have it, another Phile entry. Don't forget to check out the webshots page at http://community.webshots.com/album/527540184iyFFCs . I am up to 24 pages already. Remember, spread the word, not the turd, and wish me luck at the doctor's tomorrow. I will leave you with another random pic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Old Red Eyes Is Back

Man, I am tired, and my back is aching. Logan and I got up early today to go to a Cast Pin Event at Epcot, and we spent a day in the park again, so I am exhausted. It was so hot today I saw some priests putting holy water into a Super Soaker. I am doing this entry before 'Big Brother' comes on, 'cause after that I am going to sleep. So, how was your week? You all know Albert Einstein? They now say he had as many as ten girlfriends. So I guess E equals more than mc squared. Think about that. That’s ten names. Ten phone numbers. Ten birthdays. You’d have to be a genius! Did you watch the All Star Game? The Mid Summer Classic. The American League won again, 3 to 2. Performance enhancing drugs are illegal in baseball, but why is ever commercial for Viagra? President Bush is heading the G8 Summit. He’s excited. He thinks it’s a conference on vegetable juice. This year the biggest problem will be keeping the leader of France from head-butting the leader of Italy. President Bush had a phone conversation with the astronauts on the space shuttle. The odd thing was that during the call President Bush was the only one wearing a space helmet. Russia launched an experimental inflatable satellite a few days ago. Here in America we call that a balloon. I’m sure you’ve heard by now Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest had the biggest movie opening in history. It’s the most popular movie that was originally based on a ride, well, since the Paris Hilton video. In fact, in China it’s the most pirated pirate movie of all time. The big story is, this past weekend, Superman got his ass kicked by a bunch of pirates! The new Pirates of the Caribbean movie made $132 million dollars in just three days. That is the most money anybody has made off a dead man’s chest since Anna Nicole Smith. Japan says they're now considering whether attacking North Korea’s missile sites would violate their constitution. Imagine that, government leaders worried about violating the constitution. There's something you don't see anymore. President Bush says we should be patient with North Korea and use diplomacy and not rush into any kind of military action. So you know what that means? No oil over there. President Bush told "People” magazine this week that he’s working on a solution for global warming. He says it will be ready in less than six months. It’s called winter. Last week convicted Enron crook Ken Lay died of a heart attack. They announced they are going to cremate him. Where he’s going, why bother? So, I sent my audition tape to 'The View'. It looks like Rush Limbaugh will not be charged with a crime after a bottle of illegally prescribed Viagra was found in his suitcase. Which I think is fair. As far as I’m concerned what happens in Rush’s pants stays in Rush’s pants. Congratulations to the Italian people for winning the World Cup. Imagine that, Italians winning without using their hands. How hard is that? Do you know how hard that is for an Italian? Okay, let's get on with the blog.

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

Big Brother 7 arrived last week, and while previous seasons have taken a week or two for something significant to happen in the house, the all-star season began with drama right away. First, Julie Chen announced the four women and four men who had received the greatest number of votes; instead of selecting six candidates, America picked eight. Ooh, the juicy, mind-blowing twists have already begun!The audience votes for the women went to Janelle, Erika, Nakomis, and Diane. Thus, the producer’s choices was racist Alison and Danielle. For the men, the audience voted for Howie, Kaysar, James, and Jase. Thus, the producers cast dumbass Mike Boogie, Dr. Will, Marcellas and George. It’s kind of nice to know that the biggest assholes, for the most part, weren’t selected by America, and also kind of nice to know that, collectively, we have a very short-term memory; half of our picks were on the show last summer. The weird thing about the first episode was that nearly the entire cast seem to be loser has-beens except for those members of the Big Brother 6 cast, who we still feel comfortable with. So, my guess is that America is firmly behind James, Janelle, Kaysar, and Howie, and the rest of the cast is basically dispensable, particularly that twit Mike Boogie. And the other houseguests know it. “Did I just time warp into Big Brother 6?” Jase asked. All of the others are also ga-ga over the house, which despite its dictionary theme, appears to be the exact same house as last summer. Thus, the old-skool cast members keep saying things like, “In my day, the Big Brother house was just a double-wide trailer that smelled like dorm-room ass.” True to Big Brother form, the first HOH competition was impossibly lame, even despite a strong metaphor (being knocked off one’s pedestal). Although the set design was decent, knocking contestants off pedestals with a swinging meteor was way too easy, and Janelle and Jase didn’t really do much but stand there to win (although Jase did push the swinging meteor toward Marcellas, knocking him off). As spoilers revealed, the first HOH competition yielded two HOHs, Janelle and Jase, who “share the responsibility of nominating two people for eviction,” Julie Chen said, and who “will automatically lose their HOH privileges and become the nominees themselves” if they can’t agree on two nominees. That led to some immediate strategizing from Danielle, who thought she could use that rule to her advantage. Instead, along with Alison, she’s getting punished for being too openly competitive early in the game. Janelle and Jase agreed, and Alison and Danielle were the first two nominated for eviction. “You guys have the ability to turn people against us,” Janelle said. Alison was more annoyed than Danielle, and being the lunatic that she is, told us, “America might like Janelle; I hate her. I’m probably going to pull her out by her fake hair and her fake boobs and drown her in the pool. I don’t think she knows what she’s getting into. This is not the way I play Big Brother,” Alison said. Well, get used to losing, loser. And don’t think we’re going to muster up the strength it takes to hate your ass for a third reality series just because you threatened to kill America’s summertime reality crush. Inside the Big Brother 7 house, things seem to be moving at warp speed. It’s already time for the first veto ceremony, and tonight, one person will once again exit the house only to be greeted by the most awkward interviewer ever. This season’s second episode began with way too much time spent on Danielle and Alison trying to a) win favor with Jase and Janelle, b) lie about their role in the plan by blaming the other person, and c) cover their asses. Alison openly admitted that she “lies all over the place,” and said, “I definitely have to be nice.” Luckily, being a two-faced lying bitch is what Alison is best at. Meanwhile, Howie was either just being himself or strategically trying to creep Dr. Will out. And it was working. “Something wrong with that kid,” Will said, telling Howie, “I’ve never had a retarded friend.” Will did find that they have a shared interest: “Howie and I have one thing in common. We’re both attracted to me.” As Howie followed Will around, Will decided he’d ally himself with Howie, and thus the season six alliance. Dr. Will phrased that by saying that he planned to “ride [Howie] like Seabiscuit.” But it was Chicken George who did that, climbing on Howie to slide down the makeshift slip-and-slide the bored houseguests created in the backyard. “The very idea of George mounting Howie almost made me straight,” Marcellas said. “Gross.” When it was finally time for the veto competition, the houseguests learned that this year, those on the block or in the HOH position won’t select the non-nominated, non-HOH houseguests who compete; instead, those people are chosen at random. Janelle easily won the competition, which involved sorting through trash allegedly from all previous seasons that was spread out across the backyard. Not surprisingly, Janelle didn’t use the veto, and either Danielle or Alison will go home Thursday. Alison wasn’t happy even before the competition, calling Janelle “bitch” and “busto” (oh, Alison, you twit), telling us, “I will murder someone to get that veto.” Why haven’t they kicked her ass out yet? That’s death threat number two, counting the one that aired at the end of last week’s episode. Meanwhile, Dr. Will told us, “I’m here just to stir up the pot.” Damn, he and his pretend evilness are so five seasons ago. I’m actually kind of bored with everyone, and right now, I’m only really interested in watching Janelle, James, Howie, and Kaysar eliminate the rest of the house one by one. Since Janelle has now won two of the two competitions, and with James’ track record for winning competitions, that just may happen. While CBS tries to distract people with a roaming RV advertising The Amazing Race 10, the actual race was being spotted around the world. (If locations, tasks, and types of teams constitute spoilers, stop reading now or risk ruining your entire day and having to eat a pint of ice cream just to get over your disappointment.)First, Kandice Pelletier, last year’s Miss New York and a former Rockette, is a member of one of the teams. getting its start in Seattle on May 27 in Gas Works Park, the place where The Amazing Race 3 concluded. In Mauritius on June 12, five teams were spotted doing a detour on the beach, and one show fan managed to record a brief video of the first two teams arriving at the clue box. At that point, two all-female teams were spotted. Teams of racers were also seen in Kuwait back in early June. A few days later, on June 16, the race visited Finland, including the Olympic stadium in Helsinki and the city of Ylöjärvi. TARFlies Times forum participants have compiled all of the reported locations into one master list to try to map out the route; here’s a simplified, non-qualified version of their list: Seattle to Beijing, China, Beijing to Ulan Bator, Mongolia, Ulan Bator to Christchurch, New Zealand, Christchurch to Singapore, Singapore to Kuwait, Kuwait to Mombasa, Kenya,  Mombasa to Mauritius,  Mauritius to Parnu, Estonia, Parnu to Turku, Finland, Turku to ?, ? to Barcelona, Spain, Barcelona to finish.

SHARPENING AXES

When it comes to finding out whether or not you're being lied to, Gepetto had it easy. All it took was one look at Pinocchios's growing schnoz and he knew. Of course, most of us don't have it that easy but could sure benefit if we did. It seems that we're largely a nation of liars, with some estimates saying that most people lie to others one or twice a day, and in about 30 percent to 38 percent of our interactions in all. Why we lie varies. Around the age of 4 or 5, when we start telling lies, it's done not maliciously, but rather to gain awareness and use the power of language, says Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital. Later on, we lie to get things we want, for personal gain or to stay out of trouble. We tell "white lies" to protect other's feelings, and then there are the pathological liars among us, the people who feel compelled to lie no matter what. So, with liars all around us (don't lie -- we ALL lie at one point or another, even those "little white lies" count), it's imperative to know the signs that someone may be lying to you. Here are seven of the classic signs to watch out for ... No eye contact. Generally, if someone is lying they will not look you in the eye, at least during a certain part of the conversation. Normally, people make eye contact for at least half of a conversation, so anything less than this could be suspicious. One caveat: there are some people who will take great pains to make eye contact with you even if they're lying, simply to make you think they're not. Change in voice. A change in the pitch of a person's tone, or a lot of stammering (umm, ah), or throat clearing could indicate a lie. Unusual body language. If a person taps their foot a lot, fidgets with their hands, raises their shoulders, turns away from you or brings their hand to their face (to touch their chin or nose, etc.) -- in other words, if they act nervous or uncomfortable -- it could mean they're telling a lie. Also watch out for blushing (or becoming pale) and increased blinking. Something sounds fishy. Making statements that contradict each other, are inconsistent or don't sound quite right are usually part of a lie. Overly defensive. Sometimes when a person is lying they will become extremely defensive, refusing to answer any questions and even accusing you of lying. This may mean they have something to hide. Changes subject easily. If someone is lying and you change the subject, chances are high that they'll go right along with it. A person telling the truth, however, will likely ask why you changed the subject and want to go back to it. Humor or sarcasm. A guilty person will often try to change the subject using humor or sarcasm. Of course, no one behavior can tell for sure whether or not someone is telling the truth or lying. While you should trust your instinct, if you're not sure it's best to try to get some evidence to back up your accusation. Rather than relying on a specific behavior, catching a liar in the act is best done by watching their normal behaviors. When those behaviors suddenly change, that's when a lie has likely been told.

 

BROKEN

R.I.P.

Red Buttons, an impish redheaded comic whose career included vaudeville, an Oscar-winning dramatic role and guest spots on The Cosby Show and Roseanne, died Thursday of vascular disease at his home in the Century City area of Los Angeles, according to publicist Warren Cowan. He was 87. Buttons had been ill for some time, and was with family members when he died, Cowan told the Associated Press. Born Aaron Chwatt and raised in the Bronx, Buttons got his nickname when he was a young singing waiter whose uniform had a lot of buttons on it. "Red" referred to his carrot top.
In 1952, after a long and successful career as a Borscht Belt comic (Buttons's musical theme was "The Ho-Ho Song," to which he danced on one leg), he starred in TV's The Red Buttons Show. The high point of his career came with the 1957 film adaptation of the James Michener World War II novel, Sayonara, starring Marlon Brando.
Buttons played Airman Joe Kelly, an American who marries a Japanese woman (Miyoshi Umeki). Both characters commit suicide rather than continue to endure the prejudice they encountered. Buttons won the Supporting Actor Oscar for the role – and went on to become highly visible in movies for the next 20 years and on TV nearly until his death. Other movies included The Big Circus, Hatari! The Longest Day, They Shoot Horses, Don't They? The Poseidon Adventure and Pete's Dragon. He also appeared on TV shows such as The Cosby Show, Roseanne and Dennis Miller Live.
In 1964, Buttons married his third wife, Alicia, with whom he had two children. Alicia Buttons died in 2001.

SEX TOY OR BABY TOY

Last week's answer was sex toy: royal balls. What is this week's?

 

MOVIE BUZZ

Okay, you're gonna be shocked as shit, but I don't have much movie news this week. Logan and I did see the Pirates movie (he saw it twice, first with me and then with Jen). Capt. Jack Sparrow is back to get himself out of a blood debt he owes to Davy Jones, one he has to pay for with his soul. Then there's the romance between Bloom and Knightley, which is just … you know … whatever. You don't really care. You just want more sword-fighting and skeletons and Nighy as Jones with his beard of tentacles. The first one was kind of boring, honestly. Depp and the cool army of skeletons kept it from feeling like a chore, but beyond that, it just felt empty and looooong. So they really stepped up their game for this one. It's still empty, but it moves faster from one cool action sequence to the next; the go-nowhere romance plot line is on the back burner, replaced by sea monsters and murderous islanders and an insane swordfight on a runaway mill wheel. Did I mention the beard of tentacles? Again with the two-and-a-half-hour movie, just like Superman Returns. The good news is that, unlike the first one, you won't feel it. Totally passes the butt-shifting-in-seat test. And I didn't want it to end. Rich Heinrichs is the guy responsible for how awesome it all looks. He's the guy who did Sleepy Hollow and got an Oscar for it. Keith Richards supposed to be playing Depp's father in the next one. You have to wait about a year for it. Meanwhile, on an unrelated note, how pissed off is Eddie Murphy that his Disneyland ride–turned–movie tanked while this one is almost Lord of the Rings big? I was just wondering about that is all. I give this movie a 10, while Jen gave it a 6. She liked the first one better, said there wasn't enough of Captain Jack, she hated the 'aliens', which is what she called Jones's crew, and wanted a damned wedding. Logan yelled out in the middle of the movie when he saw it with me, "Is that the girl you think is hot?" about Keira Knightley, who I do think is hot. After the Transformers trailer he said out loud, "Where are the Transformers?" Anyway, hopefully I will get some news during the week. For now, I will leave you with a random pic. Check the webshots page for new pictures as well, and remember...spread the word and not the turd.

 

Yo Ho, Yo Ho!

Ay, swabbies. Welcome to another Peverett Phile. Tomorrow Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest comes out. I was thinking, if they really wanted me to see it they should of called it Pirates of the Caribbean: Keira Knightley's Chest. And who said Disney wasn't into piracy? You can't walk anywhere at Disney World without seeing skull and crossbones. Well, big news from the Hubble telescope. Last Friday astronomers say it has pictures of a star self destructing. But enough about Star Jones. More problems today for the "View”. Did you see what happened? To which most guys said, "Finally, now I can watch the show.” So, President Bush took Japanese’s Prime Minister Koizumi to Graceland. The prime minister is a huge Elvis fan. There was one embarrassing moment when President Bush made the Japanese prime minister promise that when he visits Japan, he will take him to the Godzilla museum. To his credit President Bush knew all the protocol when meeting a Japanese prime minister. He’s had a lot of practice bowing to oil company executives. The senate has held hearings on President Bush’s use of "signing statements”. Do you know what that is? It’s a proclamation which lets the president sign a bill and limit what parts apply to him. The Democrats are acting like this is something new. It’s not. It’s the same thing Bill Clinton used when he signed his marriage license. A prominent polish politician in Poland, escaped a drunk driving arrest after he told the police he was only using vodka as a mouthwash. And today, Patrick Kennedy said, "That’s what happened to me." According to the "New York Post”, Michael Jackson announced that he may be moving to Paris. Well you thought the French hated us before. They’ll probably think he is one of those mimes.

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

Give your loved ones a kiss and a hug, fill your pets’ bowls with water and food, and say goodbye to your summer: Big Brother 7 debuted tonight at 8 p.m. ET on CBS, and many people won’t see the light of day until it ends in about three months. Thanks to the super-obsessive freaks who are already monitoring the offline video feeds from inside the house, we already know the identities of the 14 all-star houseguests, six of whom were selected by viewers. On tonight’s pre-taped show, Julie Chen will send them into the house, and the other six will go home with only their delusions of fame. The series will air every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday at 8, a slightly different schedule this year. And, of course, there are the live feeds, available with a RealNetworks subscription, which this year comes with “blogs, chats, message boards, polls and other interactive features,” according to a press release, ensuring that you’ll never leave your computer. The best and worst thing about Big Brother is that, sometime during the next three months, some crazy shit is going to go down, and missing one minute means missing everything. And try as you might, no non-watcher will understand you when you babble excitedly about the incident where someone got plastered with NyQuil, molested an electric toothbrush and used a knife with their flirtations, all while a crazy diminutive cult leader crazy gets thrown out of the house and then burned by America. It’s time for the insanity to begin.

TOO MUCH TIME TO THINK

I used to love to play Scrabble with my grandparents. And I was thinking, I had some really, really bad Scrabble hands in the past. Here are a few you don't want to end up with: Y Y M Q I I A, U U I A I U I, Q U U M W R Z, L E E E A A R. If I think of more I will post them in the next blog.

I COME FROM A NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS 

A TOP classical violinist killed himself by severing every vein and artery in his neck as he attempted to cut off his head with an electric circular saw. Divorced alcoholic Laurence Rowden-Martin, 48, was found in his blood-soaked bath after being seen drunkenly taking the tool into his Sheffield flat. An inquest heard police halted a murder probe after learning he'd suffered mental problems since a nerve condition ended his career. Verdict: Suicide.

CANNED LAUGHTER

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

A bear, a lion and a chicken meet up. The bear says, "If I roar in the forests of North America, the entire forest is shivering with fear." The lion says, "And if I roar on the great plains of Africa, the entire savannah is afraid of me." "Big deal!'' says the chicken. "All I have to do is cough, and the entire planet craps itself."

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their mates after mating? A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: What's the most commonly heard redneck defense in court? A: "Honest, your honor, I was just helping the sheep over the fence."

Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? A: Shoot him again.

BROKEN

Note the third option: "Unlimited toppings"! Wow! Except that right under it, in parentheses, it says "Maximum five toppings per pizza." That's not so unlimited.

SEX TOY OR BABY TOY

This is the answer to last week's sex toy or baby toy.

 

Now, what is this weeks?

 

P.P.T.V.

water trap see for yourself. Very funny!

John Hiatt - Austin City Limits John Hiatt on Austin City Limits. To see more check out AustinCityLimitsDVD.com (John Hiatt is one of my all-time favorite singers)

MOVIE BUZZ

Spider-Man 3: I haven't read this list of spoilers. Supposedly, it's pretty much the whole damn plot, beat by beat, including the mystery villain cameo in the last scene. I won't read it. I can't. It'd be wrong to walk into the best movie of 2007 already knowing the beginning, middle and end, right? Must. Not. Click …

 

Transformers: The ridiculous teaser takes place on Mars and has a theme song that sounds like a B-side from a Damn Yankees album. But Michael Bay's blog says that "none of the Mars story, launch footage and rover footage is going to be in the movie." Huh?

 

Wolverine: A script review details the evolution of Wolverine from moody adolescent — there's a great scene in which 12-year-old Logan kicks the crap out of some high-school football jocks — to adamantium-clad Weapon X rage-aholic.

 

Hulk 2: The last time we saw Dr. Banner, he was hiding out in the Latin American rainforest. So, in a way, it makes sense that the leading candidate to replace Erica Bana is George of the Jungle.

 

Clerks 2: The trailer's rated R for "mature" content — you know, like goin' all the way with donkeys and pontificating about the sex lives of hobbits.

 

Casino Royale: Twenty minutes were screened at the Cinema Expo in Amsterdam. Guess it makes sense to generate buzz by testing a clip in front of a bunch of stoners. The only potential danger: employees at the snack counter trampled by munchies-plagued fans who absolutely must have nachos right now.

 

Zoom: A Cliff's Notes version of the trailer: Take the remedial students at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters — like, say, a kid whose superpower is inflating his butt — and throw them into the plot of Armageddon.

 

GEEK TALK

 

Superman Returns has already been in theaters for a week, and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest will join it tomorrow, so of course there's only one thing on the suits' minds: How can we make money from those guys next?! Returns director Bryan Singer says he's heard the rumblings about a Superman vs. Batman finally getting under way, though he argues that the Man of Steel needs a few more solos under his belt first. But he did admit that, if such a match-up were to happen, it would be the Dark Knight who would be the baddie. Regardless, Singer says he's pretty sure there'll be another Superman. "Everybody's excited to do more." … Meanwhile, with the only question surrounding Pirates 2 dealing with by just how large of a margin the Johnny Depp adventure will rule this weekend's box office, the star is talking about his next big thing, which likely will be a reteaming with Edward Scissorhands director Tim Burton for a movie version of the Broadway hit Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. "I sure hope it happens," Depp told MTV News, "because, God — just to go back to work for Tim again, it'd be our sixth movie together. It's looking very good."

 

And now, the review of Superman Returns. Are you trying to tell me that Margot Kidder was so busy that they couldn't get her to show up as Lois Lane's mom or something? And that's really my only beef. Because I loved this movie. Not in the gay way or anything. Because Superman's not gay, as gay director Bryan Singer has gone on record as saying. Good thing we've cleared up that burning international issue.  Summer movie audiences' expectations have been moron-ed to infinity and beyond by Hollywood. They now assume films will be pure sensation without humanity and actually get upset when it's not on the menu. Well, dig it, dumb people. This is a Superman movie that gives you its biggest bang early in the film. Not that the rest is boring. It's just that this isn't about "Look what Superman can do!" It's got all the heart and soul that's been missing from every other superhero movie that isn't about the X-Men. Kevin Spacey's maniacally mean Lex Luthor was brilliant. He made the movie, and I could tell in some scenes he was impersonating Gene Hackman playing Lex Luthor. Parker Posey as his sidekick Kitty is very, very Parker Posey-ish (and that's awesome), and Eva Marie Saint, in her small role as Mrs. Kent, is sweet and sad. Brandon Routh makes a very decent cape guy, and only Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane seems slightly less than sturdy. But not by much. If you're a Man of Steel–obsessed person, you'll be pleased to know that certain things that only you will get have been included. For example, watch forthe re-creation of the cover of Action Comics No. 1. The opening credits will make fans of the 1978 movie very happy. And watch for cameos by Noel Neill and Jack Larson (from the '50s TV show; they were Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen, respectively). See what I mean about the lack of Margot Kidder?  There's a horrifying plane-in-peril scene that will make you wet your pants. I only say this because I'm one of you, and for a few seconds, it thought I was watching United 93. Then, when that part's over, you'll be like, "Where are the snakes?" From 1 to 10, I give it a 9. Logan did go see it with me and he loved it. He said "whoa" when the young Clark Kent was jumping into the sky and the first time at the movies, he turned to me and said, "I want to see this again."

 

Well, there you go, another Phile. Check out the webshots page at http://community.webshots.com/album/527540184iyFFCs I posted pictures from Logan and my trip to Epcot last Friday. This weekend I don't know what we're doing, but seeing Pirates is on the list. Remember, spread the word and not the turd. I will leave you with a random pic. Savvy?