Thursday, July 27, 2006

Should've Kept My Eyes Shut

Hello, welcome to the Peverett Phile, I am your host, Fainting Goat. It's true, my friends, after passing out at work and taken in an ambulance to Celebration Hospital, it turns out I am diabetic. Tomorrow I am going to get more tests done though. There is nothing but disasters on the news - the Mideast, power blackouts, the Dodgers. The Dodgers lost again. That’s 13 loses out of 14 games. See what happens when you tighten the boarders and you can’t get anymore immigrants. We have to reopen the border immediately. Happy Birthday to Mick Jagger.163 years old yesterday! No, he turned 63. Mick’s secret to looking good? Always stand next to Keith Richards. Ford is now coming out with personal computers inside their vehicles. This is so Ford employees can look for a job on the way to work. Have you seen the weather map in "USA Today”? All the states are red. It’s like a dream-come-true for Karl Rove: 50 red states. So, Al Gore if you’re reading this, we give up! You were right. Now make it stop. Make it go away. John Kerry said over the weekend that if he were president the current conflict in the Middle East wouldn’t be happening because he would be more involved in the Middle East. More involved? Bush has invaded the place. How much more involved can he get than that? Congratulations to Floyd Landis, young man from Pennsylvania, for winning the Tour de France. This is the eighth time in a row an American has gone through France and into Paris. Eighth times! Even the Germans only did it twice. Floyd Landis, came back from being eight minutes behind. Despite that he needs hip replacement surgery. He still won. Here’s my question, can the French even ride a bicycle anymore? We sent a guy who had cancer and he won seven times. We sent a guy who needs a new hip he won this time. Why are we making this trip anymore? We should call this thing the "Tour de Indiana.” Make them come over here. The demand for air conditioning caused a power outage in Santa Monica that crashed MySpace for 18 hours. Law enforcement officials said it was the safest teenage girls have been in twenty years. Some sad news, the first lesbian couple to legally get married in the state of Massachusetts has split up. They cited "irreconcilable similarities”. Congratulations to the new Miss Universe. It’s Miss Puerto Rico. Is it just me or does it seem like the winner is always from earth? In England this week they recorded their highest temperature in history. Good thing they can all cool offwith a refreshing meat pie. President Bush met with the prime minister of India. There was an awkward moment when Bush said, "Now that you’re here could you see why my computer is acting up?” Producers of "The View” have removed every picture of Star Jones that remains from the offices. They also removed the Velveeta fountain from her old dressing room. And finally, Dan Baldwin was in a car crash last night. As you might expect the pizza was not delivered.


While I am getting used to be a diabetic, life in the Big Brother 7 house continued to shuffle forward, and the show aired three more episodes. On Thursday, Nakomis was booted by a vote of 8 to 2, having remained on the block when Erika won the power of veto and chose not to use it. Kaysar spent part of Tuesday’s episode trying to justify his “lame-ass nominations,” as Marcellas called them; even Kaysar’s ally Janelle called his decision “easy way out” and said his “nominations just suck” because Kaysar made a deal with Will and Boogie, the least-trustworthy people in the house. But after yet another season six alliance member won HOH on Thursday, the strategizing became a bit more interesting. James realized he was the odd person out in the alliance, and considered working with Will, who’s apparently only transparent when you’re not interacting with him in person. The Six talked about putting George up in order to force a non-season sixer to put up one of their own, and because “he’s fucking worthless,” as James told Danielle. James abandoned the first plan and embraced the second, nominating both George and Dr. Will, who looked like a damn Oompa Loompa during the nomination ceremony thanks to either a horrible fake tan or too much sunlight on his pasty skin. James seemed to suggest that Will wasn’t just a pawn, but might actually go home. If only. Most of that happened toward the end of last night’s episode. Finally: Big Brother 7 got exciting. And unbelievably, Chicken George was the catalyst. The crazy bastard won the power of veto and saved himself, and what happened after that was a full-scale implosion. The veto challenge started by having the competitors burn their clothes, get written on with markers, and dye themselves blue—challenges clearly designed and practiced by drunk interns. But the last two tasks were intriguing: First, the remaining competitors had to agree to sit out the next veto. That left just Kaysar and George, who next had to agree to shave their heads. (Someone watched The Amazing Race!) Both did, despite Marcellas’ protests about Kaysar losing his hair. Earlier, we were treated to an entire segment about the crush he has on Kaysar. Marcellas even said that when he noticed Kaysar “actually kind of stank” one day, “I was trying to catch the smell in my nose so I could sort of keep it forever. That smell is better than banana cupcakes.” The tiebreaker asked Kaysar and George how many of the remaining 60 days they’d be willing to eat slop oatmeal. George went for all 60 days, and won the veto, which he used to save himself. As a result, HOH James had to nominate someone new, and that person was Jase, who the BB6 alliance agreed was a threat—more of a threat, apparently, than the Chill Town alliance. When Jase found out about this, he stormed into the back yard, where everyone was gathered while waiting for the veto ceremony. “I love getting back-doored,” Jase said, shortly before he began throwing things around in anger. He called it “the bitch route,” primarily because he’d made a pact with James to get rid of the weak players so they could go head-to-head as strong players. Jase, who really needs to stop wearing sleeveless shirts or get deodorant that doesn’t turn his armpits white, called himself a “true competitor of the game.” He used his mad skillz to try to turn the group, and James, against Marcellas, who started shouting and said Jase is “trying to throw me under the bus” as a “last-ditch effort.” For his part, James was ridiculously angry that he had to nominate someone else besides non-threatening simpleton George. “Everything I have worked for is now down the drain; I’m busting my ass in here,” he said. If only James knew what it was like to nominate someone week after week after week, only to have that person save themselves with the veto. Oh, irony. As all of this went down, Will sat quietly, ate a sandwich, and smiled. The fucker is going to win again—perhaps because of the speech he gave at the veto ceremony. Knowing the group was much more likely to vote out Jase, Will went on a tirade, first explaining that he was motivated during season two by the fact that he disliked some people in the house. He then wondered why he wasn’t motivated this season, saying, “I thought it was because I really like everyone here. I can’t find an individual to hate, because I hate you all. I’m going to ask to be removed from this game by you all. Now, if you refuse to kick me out, I will be throwing every competition, I will throw every HOH, I will throw every POV, and I will throw every food competition. George is on slop, and I will do the best I can to ensure that we all are on slop, unless you get together, have a big group meeting, and vote me out.” Although the houseguests laughed and smirked while he talked, Will told us later, “I have made the target on my back so giant that it’s become invisible.” And it’s hard not to see how smart he actually is, because he will likely survive this nomination and then coast for weeks. After Will ranted, George gave a stirring speech about second chances, saying “I’m just honored to be with each and every one of you. You are all-stars, you are all-stars at something in life.” Then he saved himself and kept his chicken ass in the game for at least one more week. If only he could be this interesting all the time. Besides the alliance of the four Big Brother 6 cast members, there may be a secret alliance of four others inside the Big Brother 7 house. This new alliance was revealed on the live feeds last week, and may help explain the angry reaction of HOH James after George won and used the veto. During “a private conversation … it was revealed that James, Will, Danielle Reyes and Mike ‘Boogie’ Matlin had formulated a pre-game alliance before stepping into the ‘Big Brother’ house,” according to Jam! Showbiz. Discussing the possiblity of James nominating Will and George in order to force George out, Dr. Will said, “My goal is not to go to sequester. Next week, I will be somewhat nervous. You don’t need to feel weird about nomming me.” Thus, when George saved himself, that created a problem for James. Separately, Will also said that he “was promised over and over by the producers that this would be huge,” referring to the all-star season, and asked James, “Can we make some general agreement that if it comes to Week Five, you will kick me?” He wants out of the house before sequester begins. Will is not alone. While the houseguests receive $4,000 a week for being on the show outside of any prize money, they earn $5,000 a week for being sequestered as part of the jury. Still, many of the houseguests are reportedly bitchy about the possibility of being sequestered. According to Reality TV Calendar, “Will, Mike Boogie, Danielle, Jase and Marcellas have all said on the feeds that they would not go to sequester. They would refuse to participate in the show any further.” And here’s another example of why having an all-star cast just isn’t always the best idea: they know too much and have inflated impressions of themselves and their importance.


Bob Dylan commercial Dylan's early remarks on selling out, then the first commercial in which his one of his songs/he was in.
SEARCH ENGINE Ouch, my brain hurts from playing this. Publish your book with no up-front costs (like cafepress for books)


Another new feature of the Phile, a Top Ten List with a difference. The first one is: Top 13 Craziest Mental Disorders (and I would know). 1) Adolf Hitler was triskaidekaphobic, which is a fear of number 13. A specific fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia or friggatriskaidekaphobia. Tetraphobia is the fear of the number 4 in China, Japan, and Korea. 2) Kleptomania: steal what you can. Inability to resist impulses of stealing. A person with this disorder is compelled to steal things, generally things of little or no value, such as pens, paper clips, or miniature toy cars (dinky cars). They are often unaware of performing the theft until some time later. 3) Bigorexia or Muscle dysmorphia is a disorder in which an individual becomes obsessed that they are not muscular enough. Sometimes referred to as bigorexia or reverse anorexia nervosa, it is a very specific case of body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). Muscle dysmorphia can cause individuals to: - Constantly check themselves in a mirror. Become distressed if a gym session is missed. Take potentially dangerous drugs (e.g. anabolic steroids). Neglecting jobs/relationships/family due to exercising. 4) Bibliomania is an obsessive-compulsive disorder involving the collecting of books to the point where social relations or health are damaged. The purchase of multiple copies of the same book and edition and the accumulation of books beyond possible capacity of use or enjoyment are frequent symptoms of bibliomania. 5) It causes the sufferer to occasionally experience a tremendously loud noise as if from within his or her own head, usually described as an explosion or a roar. This usually occurs within an hour or two of falling asleep, but is not the result of a dream.


A DETECTIVE was arrested for allegedly filming up women's skirts with a hidden camera. The married anti-terrorist officer told police he was working undercover to video al-Qaeda suspects. Butback at the station they found his camera had close-ups of bottoms and knickers. He was nabbed by a plain-clothes team watching out for perverts and paedophiles in Trafalgar Square, Central London, on Tuesday. A police source claimed the man, a Scotland Yard surveillance expert with more than 20 years' experience, had the camera hidden in a sports bag. He added: "The officer used surveillance techniques for his own perverted hobby - taking pictures up women's skirts.

"It was one of the year's hottest days and Trafalgar Square was packed with young women in skimpy clothes. When officers moved in, he told them he was a cop on an anti-terror operation. "But the pictures were not of terrorist suspects planning a bombing, they were of knickers." The officer was arrested on suspicion of causing a public nuisance. He has been suspended.


Before I go into the movie buzz, I need to come up with a new name, as I don't like the name I have. So, if anyone can come up with a new name instead of Movie Buzz, please let me know.

Spider-Man 3: A new preview was shown to the nerd horde at Comic-Con. What'd you miss? Topher's transformation into Venom. Oh, and this production art makes me think that Superman ain't the only superhero fighting off gay rumors.

Batman Begins 2: Ans peaking of gay super heroes... Heath Ledger is the new front-runner to play the Joker. Stand-up comics everywhere, rejoice: You can ride your tired Brokeback material for another year!

Dallas:The Movie: Okay, I came up with a new name for the feature. I'm changing the name of this column to Scarlett Johansson Watch. This week, S.J.'s supposedly stepping into the role once rumored for Jessica Simpson. Hmm — probably not a good choice, but at least she's not doing another Woody Allen movie.

The Fountain: If you wanna impress artsy-fartsy types, talk about this trailer in the same way I talk about most art — by proclaiming it brilliant even though it looks like total gibberish.

Children of Men: Clive Owen and everyone else in the trailer are freaking out because nobody on Earth can get pregnant. But they're missing a more important point: It must be way easy to score.

Pursuit of Happyness: In the trailer, Will Smith tells his kid that if you put your mind to it, you can do anything. Except spell "happiness."

Stranger Than Fiction: In the trailer, Will Ferrell hears a voice in his head saying, "Will, you'd better hope Talledega Nights doesn't stink, because if it bombs, your career is over."

Untitled Lance Armstrong Biopic: Jake Gyllenhaal might play Lance Armstrong. To deserve a big-screen bio, the subject must be dead … or close to it. Hasn't anyone noticed that nothing can kill Lance?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Despite being aimed squarely at tween boys, the trailer actually looks kinda cool. Or maybe I'm just entering a second childhood.

Star Trek 11: What all the "cool" Trekkies will be wearing in 2008.

Well, that's it for another entry. I am still waiting for comments, people. Remember, spread the word and not the turd.

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