Man, I am tired, and my back is aching. Logan and I got up early today to go to a Cast Pin Event at Epcot, and we spent a day in the park again, so I am exhausted. It was so hot today I saw some priests putting holy water into a Super Soaker. I am doing this entry before 'Big Brother' comes on, 'cause after that I am going to sleep. So, how was your week? You all know Albert Einstein? They now say he had as many as ten girlfriends. So I guess E equals more than mc squared. Think about that. That’s ten names. Ten phone numbers. Ten birthdays. You’d have to be a genius! Did you watch the All Star Game? The Mid Summer Classic. The American League won again, 3 to 2. Performance enhancing drugs are illegal in baseball, but why is ever commercial for Viagra? President Bush is heading the G8 Summit. He’s excited. He thinks it’s a conference on vegetable juice. This year the biggest problem will be keeping the leader of France from head-butting the leader of Italy. President Bush had a phone conversation with the astronauts on the space shuttle. The odd thing was that during the call President Bush was the only one wearing a space helmet. Russia launched an experimental inflatable satellite a few days ago. Here in America we call that a balloon. I’m sure you’ve heard by now Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest had the biggest movie opening in history. It’s the most popular movie that was originally based on a ride, well, since the Paris Hilton video. In fact, in China it’s the most pirated pirate movie of all time. The big story is, this past weekend, Superman got his ass kicked by a bunch of pirates! The new Pirates of the Caribbean movie made $132 million dollars in just three days. That is the most money anybody has made off a dead man’s chest since Anna Nicole Smith. Japan says they're now considering whether attacking North Korea’s missile sites would violate their constitution. Imagine that, government leaders worried about violating the constitution. There's something you don't see anymore. President Bush says we should be patient with North Korea and use diplomacy and not rush into any kind of military action. So you know what that means? No oil over there. President Bush told "People” magazine this week that he’s working on a solution for global warming. He says it will be ready in less than six months. It’s called winter. Last week convicted Enron crook Ken Lay died of a heart attack. They announced they are going to cremate him. Where he’s going, why bother? So, I sent my audition tape to 'The View'. It looks like Rush Limbaugh will not be charged with a crime after a bottle of illegally prescribed Viagra was found in his suitcase. Which I think is fair. As far as I’m concerned what happens in Rush’s pants stays in Rush’s pants. Congratulations to the Italian people for winning the World Cup. Imagine that, Italians winning without using their hands. How hard is that? Do you know how hard that is for an Italian? Okay, let's get on with the blog.
WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY
Big Brother 7 arrived last week, and while previous seasons have taken a week or two for something significant to happen in the house, the all-star season began with drama right away. First, Julie Chen announced the four women and four men who had received the greatest number of votes; instead of selecting six candidates, America picked eight. Ooh, the juicy, mind-blowing twists have already begun!The audience votes for the women went to Janelle, Erika, Nakomis, and Diane. Thus, the producer’s choices was racist Alison and Danielle. For the men, the audience voted for Howie, Kaysar, James, and Jase. Thus, the producers cast dumbass Mike Boogie, Dr. Will, Marcellas and George. It’s kind of nice to know that the biggest assholes, for the most part, weren’t selected by America, and also kind of nice to know that, collectively, we have a very short-term memory; half of our picks were on the show last summer. The weird thing about the first episode was that nearly the entire cast seem to be loser has-beens except for those members of the Big Brother 6 cast, who we still feel comfortable with. So, my guess is that America is firmly behind James, Janelle, Kaysar, and Howie, and the rest of the cast is basically dispensable, particularly that twit Mike Boogie. And the other houseguests know it. “Did I just time warp into Big Brother 6?” Jase asked. All of the others are also ga-ga over the house, which despite its dictionary theme, appears to be the exact same house as last summer. Thus, the old-skool cast members keep saying things like, “In my day, the Big Brother house was just a double-wide trailer that smelled like dorm-room ass.” True to Big Brother form, the first HOH competition was impossibly lame, even despite a strong metaphor (being knocked off one’s pedestal). Although the set design was decent, knocking contestants off pedestals with a swinging meteor was way too easy, and Janelle and Jase didn’t really do much but stand there to win (although Jase did push the swinging meteor toward Marcellas, knocking him off). As spoilers revealed, the first HOH competition yielded two HOHs, Janelle and Jase, who “share the responsibility of nominating two people for eviction,” Julie Chen said, and who “will automatically lose their HOH privileges and become the nominees themselves” if they can’t agree on two nominees. That led to some immediate strategizing from Danielle, who thought she could use that rule to her advantage. Instead, along with Alison, she’s getting punished for being too openly competitive early in the game. Janelle and Jase agreed, and Alison and Danielle were the first two nominated for eviction. “You guys have the ability to turn people against us,” Janelle said. Alison was more annoyed than Danielle, and being the lunatic that she is, told us, “America might like Janelle; I hate her. I’m probably going to pull her out by her fake hair and her fake boobs and drown her in the pool. I don’t think she knows what she’s getting into. This is not the way I play Big Brother,” Alison said. Well, get used to losing, loser. And don’t think we’re going to muster up the strength it takes to hate your ass for a third reality series just because you threatened to kill America’s summertime reality crush. Inside the Big Brother 7 house, things seem to be moving at warp speed. It’s already time for the first veto ceremony, and tonight, one person will once again exit the house only to be greeted by the most awkward interviewer ever. This season’s second episode began with way too much time spent on Danielle and Alison trying to a) win favor with Jase and Janelle, b) lie about their role in the plan by blaming the other person, and c) cover their asses. Alison openly admitted that she “lies all over the place,” and said, “I definitely have to be nice.” Luckily, being a two-faced lying bitch is what Alison is best at. Meanwhile, Howie was either just being himself or strategically trying to creep Dr. Will out. And it was working. “Something wrong with that kid,” Will said, telling Howie, “I’ve never had a retarded friend.” Will did find that they have a shared interest: “Howie and I have one thing in common. We’re both attracted to me.” As Howie followed Will around, Will decided he’d ally himself with Howie, and thus the season six alliance. Dr. Will phrased that by saying that he planned to “ride [Howie] like Seabiscuit.” But it was Chicken George who did that, climbing on Howie to slide down the makeshift slip-and-slide the bored houseguests created in the backyard. “The very idea of George mounting Howie almost made me straight,” Marcellas said. “Gross.” When it was finally time for the veto competition, the houseguests learned that this year, those on the block or in the HOH position won’t select the non-nominated, non-HOH houseguests who compete; instead, those people are chosen at random. Janelle easily won the competition, which involved sorting through trash allegedly from all previous seasons that was spread out across the backyard. Not surprisingly, Janelle didn’t use the veto, and either Danielle or Alison will go home Thursday. Alison wasn’t happy even before the competition, calling Janelle “bitch” and “busto” (oh, Alison, you twit), telling us, “I will murder someone to get that veto.” Why haven’t they kicked her ass out yet? That’s death threat number two, counting the one that aired at the end of last week’s episode. Meanwhile, Dr. Will told us, “I’m here just to stir up the pot.” Damn, he and his pretend evilness are so five seasons ago. I’m actually kind of bored with everyone, and right now, I’m only really interested in watching Janelle, James, Howie, and Kaysar eliminate the rest of the house one by one. Since Janelle has now won two of the two competitions, and with James’ track record for winning competitions, that just may happen. While CBS tries to distract people with a roaming RV advertising The Amazing Race 10, the actual race was being spotted around the world. (If locations, tasks, and types of teams constitute spoilers, stop reading now or risk ruining your entire day and having to eat a pint of ice cream just to get over your disappointment.)First, Kandice Pelletier, last year’s Miss New York and a former Rockette, is a member of one of the teams. getting its start in Seattle on May 27 in Gas Works Park, the place where The Amazing Race 3 concluded. In Mauritius on June 12, five teams were spotted doing a detour on the beach, and one show fan managed to record a brief video of the first two teams arriving at the clue box. At that point, two all-female teams were spotted. Teams of racers were also seen in Kuwait back in early June. A few days later, on June 16, the race visited Finland, including the Olympic stadium in Helsinki and the city of Ylöjärvi. TARFlies Times forum participants have compiled all of the reported locations into one master list to try to map out the route; here’s a simplified, non-qualified version of their list: Seattle to Beijing, China, Beijing to Ulan Bator, Mongolia, Ulan Bator to Christchurch, New Zealand, Christchurch to Singapore, Singapore to Kuwait, Kuwait to Mombasa, Kenya, Mombasa to Mauritius, Mauritius to Parnu, Estonia, Parnu to Turku, Finland, Turku to ?, ? to Barcelona, Spain, Barcelona to finish.
SHARPENING AXES
R.I.P.
Red Buttons, an impish redheaded comic whose career included vaudeville, an Oscar-winning dramatic role and guest spots on The Cosby Show and Roseanne, died Thursday of vascular disease at his home in the Century City area of Los Angeles, according to publicist Warren Cowan. He was 87. Buttons had been ill for some time, and was with family members when he died, Cowan told the Associated Press. Born Aaron Chwatt and raised in the Bronx, Buttons got his nickname when he was a young singing waiter whose uniform had a lot of buttons on it. "Red" referred to his carrot top.
In 1952, after a long and successful career as a Borscht Belt comic (Buttons's musical theme was "The Ho-Ho Song," to which he danced on one leg), he starred in TV's The Red Buttons Show. The high point of his career came with the 1957 film adaptation of the James Michener World War II novel, Sayonara, starring Marlon Brando.
Buttons played Airman Joe Kelly, an American who marries a Japanese woman (Miyoshi Umeki). Both characters commit suicide rather than continue to endure the prejudice they encountered. Buttons won the Supporting Actor Oscar for the role – and went on to become highly visible in movies for the next 20 years and on TV nearly until his death. Other movies included The Big Circus, Hatari! The Longest Day, They Shoot Horses, Don't They? The Poseidon Adventure and Pete's Dragon. He also appeared on TV shows such as The Cosby Show, Roseanne and Dennis Miller Live.
In 1964, Buttons married his third wife, Alicia, with whom he had two children. Alicia Buttons died in 2001.
SEX TOY OR BABY TOY
Last week's answer was sex toy: royal balls. What is this week's?
Okay, you're gonna be shocked as shit, but I don't have much movie news this week. Logan and I did see the Pirates movie (he saw it twice, first with me and then with Jen). Capt. Jack Sparrow is back to get himself out of a blood debt he owes to Davy Jones, one he has to pay for with his soul. Then there's the romance between Bloom and Knightley, which is just … you know … whatever. You don't really care. You just want more sword-fighting and skeletons and Nighy as Jones with his beard of tentacles. The first one was kind of boring, honestly. Depp and the cool army of skeletons kept it from feeling like a chore, but beyond that, it just felt empty and looooong. So they really stepped up their game for this one. It's still empty, but it moves faster from one cool action sequence to the next; the go-nowhere romance plot line is on the back burner, replaced by sea monsters and murderous islanders and an insane swordfight on a runaway mill wheel. Did I mention the beard of tentacles? Again with the two-and-a-half-hour movie, just like Superman Returns. The good news is that, unlike the first one, you won't feel it. Totally passes the butt-shifting-in-seat test. And I didn't want it to end. Rich Heinrichs is the guy responsible for how awesome it all looks. He's the guy who did Sleepy Hollow and got an Oscar for it. Keith Richards supposed to be playing Depp's father in the next one. You have to wait about a year for it. Meanwhile, on an unrelated note, how pissed off is Eddie Murphy that his Disneyland ride–turned–movie tanked while this one is almost Lord of the Rings big? I was just wondering about that is all. I give this movie a 10, while Jen gave it a 6. She liked the first one better, said there wasn't enough of Captain Jack, she hated the 'aliens', which is what she called Jones's crew, and wanted a damned wedding. Logan yelled out in the middle of the movie when he saw it with me, "Is that the girl you think is hot?" about Keira Knightley, who I do think is hot. After the Transformers trailer he said out loud, "Where are the Transformers?" Anyway, hopefully I will get some news during the week. For now, I will leave you with a random pic. Check the webshots page for new pictures as well, and remember...spread the word and not the turd.
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