Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Tuesday. Now that we can't shake hands or come near each other, finger guns are coming back and I'm pretty psyched about that. So, there's no sports. But if you dump a bag of Skittles in the toilet, squint your eyes and flush it's almost like watching a NASCAR race. Man, are you having problems finding toilet paper? I'd hate to see a diarrhea virus breakout right now... people gonna buy all the nasal spray.
You know what they say, when push comes to shove, you drink some good ol’ cow pee! Kidding, totally kidding. But apparently, this is exactly what some Hindu activists are doing, because well, why not? According to U.S. News, a Hindu group hosted a cow urine drinking party, yes a urine party, believing this wards off the coronavirus. Yes, drinking pee is the cure to this COVID-19 pandemic. Goodbye social distancing! Several Hindus consider the cow very sacred and believe cow urine had medicinal properties. In case you’re wondering, yes, experts have repeatedly asserted that cow urine doesn’t cure illness like cancer, and there is absolutely no evidence that it can prevent coronavirus. But still, I guess you believe what you want to believe, right? The group called the Akhil Bharat Hindu Mahasabha(All India Hindu Union) met at its headquarters in the country’s capital. There, over 200 people attended and organizers hope to host other similar events all over India. Several stated they had been drinking the cow urine for 21 years and had also taken baths in “cow dung” since they have never felt the need to consume English medicine. All India Hindu Union Chief, Chakrapani Maharaj, posed for photographers as he placed a spoon with cow urine near the face of a caricature of the coronavirus. Several leaders from Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s Hindu nationalist party also advocated the use of cow pee as a medicine and a scientific cure for cancer. Believe it or not, a leader for India’s northeastern state of Assam told several state lawmakers during an assembly session that cow dung and urine was indeed used to treat the coronavirus. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against this religion whatsoever. You believe what you want to believe. Heck, I know people who are right behind them by believing we can use plants to wear off bad energy, but pee? Cow pee? Have we really come to this? I get we are in desperate time… but I don’t know, I don’t really feel this whole cow urine party. Can you at least dilute it with some lemonade or something?
Talk about being irresponsible! Police in Virginia are now warning people of a highly “disturbing trend” after a group of teenagers were caught on camera coughing on produce at a grocery store, and then nonchalantly posting it on social media. Why is this a big deal? Well, one, because it’s gross, and two, all of this nonsense comes amid the growing coronavirus pandemic. Which, yes, continues to spread all across the United States and the world. So of course, this is more than serious. According to a Facebook post, the Purcellville Police Department stated, “We have learned that this appears to be a disturbing trend on social media across the country, and we ask for help from parents to discourage this behavior immediately.” The Town of Purcellville is currently under a curfew by Virginia Police due to the coronavirus. Police announced there should be no minor under the age of 18 years on any street, park or public place in the town between the hours of 11:30 p.m. and daylight of the following day unless they are by a parent or guardian. Authorities are also asking parents to help them in monitoring their teenager’s activities as well as their social media posts to avoid any other incidents such as these. Because well, this is dumb. These teenagers don’t realize that we are dealing with an actual issue that can cause so damage, especially the elderly. If I knew my kid was doing that, I would put him on house arrest until further notice... which would be hard to do considering he lives in Pennsylvania. Still, the specific incident was not exactly detailed by police, but authorities are urging these parents to talk with their children and let them know why such behavior is wrong. The grocery store was not named by authorities, but they did remove all tainted fruits and vegetables. As far as the group of teens, they have not been arrested or named due to their age.
A Texas man was arrested after walking into a beer garden just minutes after fatally striking a pedestrian with his car, and leaving the mangled body parts in the passenger seat. Yes, this horrible man decided to just ignore the fact that he had killed someone, and basically said, “I’ll deal with the body later, it’s time for a beer.” Disgusting. Twenty-four-year-old Paul Joseph Garcia is accused of striking the pedestrian in a white Ford Focus and sending the body through the car’s windshield, which landed on the passenger seat. Garcia then allegedly drove half-mile with the mangled corpse. According to Austin police, witnesses stated Garcia was barefoot and “calmly” walked from the car into the South Austin Beer Garden in a manner that “caught the attention of other patrons.” Authorities noted he was not served any alcohol at the bar. When authorities arrived, they noticed Garcia has debris and blood on him, which later matched “the blood and body tissue found coated in the interior of the vehicle.” The victim was allegedly pushing a shopping cart before Garcia struck him with his vehicle around 10:40 p.m. in South Austin. According to the affidavit, the pedestrian has extreme traumatic injuries to their head and some of his body parts had been detached. The cart had hit a cluster of mailboxes with enough force that was “able to bend a two-inch-thick galvanized steel post.” Several witnesses reported seeing the Ford without any headlights on and was driving recklessly at a high-speed. Police officers conducted a sobriety test on the man and quickly placed him under arrest on a charge of driving while intoxicated. He was then booked into Travis County Correctional Complex and was charged with intoxication manslaughter with a vehicle, which is a second-degree felony, along with other traffic charges. He is being held on a combined bail of $110.000. Hey, people, word of advice, don’t be stupid. Don’t drive if you know you’re going to be drinking. Tragedies like this one can easily be avoided.
To serve, protect, and apparently bring some baby formula to mothers in need. The Lone Peak Police Department in Utah decided to help a desperate mother after she called 911 at 2 in the morning. What did this mother need? Formula. She needed formula. Because she couldn’t just go to the store herself. Cool, cool, cool. In the recording of the 911 call, the mother, Shannon Bird, can be heard telling the emergency responder that she had no way to feed her 6-week-old baby. She stated, “I’ve been calling neighbors and no one will answer. I’ve never been in this predicament ever. My milk just literally dried out. This is my fifth kid and this has never happened.” Bird then told the dispatcher that her husband was out of town, and her other four children were all sleeping inside the house. She normally breastfeeds her newborn baby and didn’t have any formula left in the house. Believe it or not, Lone Peak police answered the call for help and Officer Brett Wagstaff immediately went to a convenience store in the middle of the night. The officer picked up a gallon of milk and delivered it to the mother’s door. But, he soon discovered that well, the hungry baby was actually too young for regular milk and she needed infant formula instead. So what did they do? Well, through body camera footage the police officer is heard saying, “We’ll leave this with you. We’ll be right back with some formula for your baby. She’s adorable.” YES! These officers went back to the store to obtain some formula. WHAT IN THE WORLD?! Don’t get me wrong, this is really nice, but come on! You really drove back and forward and wasted at least two hours trying to get some milk and formula? How bored were these cops? Anyways, the cops then ran to Walmart to save the day, bought the formula and didn’t allow the Utah mom to pay them back. In all fairness, Bird did say she was not expecting the officers to get the food for her. Rather she thought they were going to patrol her house while her 8-year-old son monitored his siblings who were siblings. Which I mean, seems reasonable. But no, these officers decided to do it for her. I don’t know, this seems a bit too excessive here. I mean, for one, you could have just used a delivery app for the formula. Two, this just opened the door for other moms out there who run out of food for their baby. I wonder how many more calls these fellow officers are going to get.
An Indiana man with a tattoo that conspicuously displays an eyebrow-raising belief of his (just above his eyebrows) is in jail now after leading police on a chase. Thirty-eight-year-old Donald Murray, who has “CRIME PAYS” tattooed across his forehead, was arrested by Terre Haute Police Department officers after a short pursuit during which Murray stole a car, drove it into a tree, and then attempted to flee on foot. Murray was ultimately charged with resisting law enforcement, maintaining a common nuisance, reckless driving, possession of methamphetamine, and auto theft. Back in December this criminal capitalist was arrested and charged with criminal recklessness and resisting law enforcement so his tattoo hasn’t really been accurate unless he’s been making cigarettes hand over fist selling meth and toilet wine in the county lockup. This feels like a bad tattoo to have if you want crime to actually pay for you, doesn’t it? The same way having a tattoo on your forehead that reads, “I COUNT CARDS” might make casino security keep an extra eye on you or maybe just straight up take you into the back room and smash your hands with a hammer. And then burn your mom’s house down after they leave your body buried in a Nevada desert. Maybe this is a product of once being an impressionable child half-raised by television but I feel like crime probably pays more in, say, Miami... cocaine!... than Indiana. But then again I might be underestimating the meth market. Also, obviously the cost of living is way cheaper in Indiana so the margins on money made to cost of living might be pretty good. Okay. Fine. Crime definitely pays in Indiana too. If you’re good at it. Not sure this guy is though.
Do you know who is really behind the coronavirus? Let's find out...
I knew it! Haha. There's new Fast and the Furious movie coming out and I have a screen shot from it...
Looks exciting, right? I've never seen any of those movies. You might not be able to get toilet paper but Publix, a supermarket for those that don't know is selling this toilet paper cake.
Oh, Publix. Okay, here's another...
If you need help washing your hands this chart will help...
That's "Pulling Mussels From A Shell" by Squeeze. Did you know some people are using the coronavirus as a pickup line on dating apps...
Will you be my quarantine? Haha. Now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here is...
Top Phive Millennial Memories Of A Collective National Victory
5. When Beyoncé released "Beyoncé."
4. The first month or so of "Pokémon Go."
3. McDonald's allowing all day breakfast.
2. Britney Spears' VMA's "I'm A Slave For U" performance.
And the number one collective national victory in a Millennials memory is...
1. Summer 2016.
If you spot the Mindphuck and I'm sure you will let me know. Okay, you know I live in Florida, right? Well, there's things that happen in Florida that happen nowhere else in the universe...
A Florida woman became furious during an argument with her boyfriend and in a fit of rage grabbed his testicles, ultimately squeezing them until they were bleeding. Twenty-one-year-old Katie Lee Pritchard of Indian Harbour Beach was arrested on June 4th after police were called by her boyfriend to the home she and him share, presumably as he wept and clutched his destroyed, leaking testicles. After police arrived they also reported that the man’s face was bruised and bloodied. According to the man, Pritchard attacked him in the middle of the night as he was sleeping. He awoke to her squeezing the actual life out of his scrotum. She also hit him with a brush, scratched him, and strangled him to the point that he couldn’t breathe. The man told police he never hit back but did try to block her blows, and ultimately was able to get her off of him long enough to call the police. Pritchard claims her boyfriend became jealous about her wanting to go on a date with another guy and then the fight escalated from verbal to… testicular decimation? This has got to be the end of that relationship. Not only was this domestic abuse, but it was also a violent surprise attack on one of the few parts of his body the man can’t get back. If she exploded those balls they’re gone. Full stop. Any domestic incident is worthy of ending any relationship, but at least bruises heal. Testicles don’t un-explode. This is some pretty stunning craziness. Imagine waking up and finding your girlfriend of three years, whom you presumably love, wild-eyed and trying to rip off your nutsack. You’d be forgiven if your first thought is that zombies are real and that somehow she became one. Your second thought would have to be, “Oh God she finally followed through and tried PCP.” This guy needs to start a GoFundMe for his balls and a new place to live.
Man, people are dumb. Wanna laugh?
After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Señor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, "I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King of Beers,’ a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says, "I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Molson sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren’t you drinking a Molson’s?" The Molson president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I."
The 117th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Molly will be on the Phile tomorrow. He's a Disney legend, kids.
Today's guest is best known for being the bassist of the rock band Collective Soul whose latest album "Blood" is available on iTunes, Spotify and Amazon. Please welcome to the Phile... Will Turpin.
Me: Hey, Will, welcome to the Phile. How are you, sir?
Will: I'm great, Jason.
Me: Okay, before we talk about Collective Soul I have to mention your solo album "Serengeti Drivers." What was it like making your own album?
Will: Well, I did an EP in 2012 and started writing more songs and it started to flow well so it was just one of those things where my process is like I'm busy working with Collective Soul but I started writing songs that I thought well, these are good enough to record.
Me: Collective Soul is always touring and doing stuff so how did you you have time to make your own record?
Will: When Collective Soul was touring I recorded it, I think it took about two years to record.
Me: Was it fun to make your own record with your own songs?
Will: Yeah, man, it was fun to record a record with some subjects that I deal with with some things that happen in my life or about somebody I care about. It's been out about a year and a half now.
Me: Was it difficult to separate your own stuff from a Collective Soul album?
Will: I don't think it was difficult at all, I know which songs were meant for my solo record. There's a song on the "Serengeti Drivers" album called "All on You" which we messed around with for a while that was almost going to be a Collective Soul song. That's the only song from "Serengeti Drivers" that I showed to the other guys but it was more like my solo record style.
Me: Did you write songs for Collective Soul?
Will: My song writing credits for Collective Soul are pretty limited. I wrote some small ones before "The Lighthouse" EP. Ed is a prolific writer, man, he could wake up and write a song pretty much.
Me: So, Ed, Collective Soul's lead singer did most of the writing?
Will: Yeah, most of the songs Ed had a general idea of a verse and chorus and where the song's going. As a rock band we have to turn that into a Collective Soul tune.
Me: So, writing for your solo stuff is different than writing for Collective Soul?
Will: Yeah, it's totally different in the writing than what I do. With Collective Soul I just mainly focus on the rhythm section and trying to make the rhythm section sound edgy and cool and stuff.
Me: Do you have any plans for another solo release?
Will: No, no plans but I've written some songs.
Me: So, how did you first get involved with music, Will?
Will: I started piano lessons when I was 8-years-old. My father owned a music studio in a small town so I grew up surrounded by different genres of music and all instruments in my house. I think it's important to know the studio was a few blocks from my house. The Roland brothers grew up two blocks from me.
Me: When was the first time you started playing with the brothers?
Will: Ed is six years my senior so right after high school he went to Berklee College of Music and he came back home to Atlanta to work on his craft and he quickly became one of the head engineer's at my fathers studio. I watched him hone his craft and I was a fan of all his solo stuff. Pretty much once after we got out of high school in 1989/1990 Ed started picking up me and my friends to tour with his band. That's kinda the short version so to speak.
Me: Did any high profile bands come to the studio to record there that you remember?
Will: It was a small studio and people would pop in. I don't remember anybody doing complete records but a lot of the southern rock bands... Wet Willie, Atlanta Rhythm Section, .38 Special came in for a couple days.
Me: When you were younger did you see yourself becoming a rock star?
Will: Actually I wanted to be in a band but I was really a pessimist about successful in a rock band and be able to do this for a living.
Me: So, when and how did you start to play bass?
Will: When I joined the band I never played the bass and didn't know how to play the bass. It was just about the chemistry of the individuals. Me, understanding music wasn't intimidated by any instrument.
Me: Wow. How long did it take you to pick it up?
Will: I was playing bass in a show about three weeks later. I knew the songs so didn't have to learn the songs I'm always working on it 25 years later. Music is universal so it didn't take me any time to learn the songs. I knew the songs in my head, so the only thing I had to learn was the technical side of the instrument.
Me: I love the debut album "Hints Allegations and Things Left Unsaid" with the hit single "Shine." The album first came out on an independent label before being picked up by Atlantic. Did they want you to change the album at all?
Will: Just a little bit. In fact "Shine" was a hit before we were signed to Atlantic.
Me: Let's talk about "Shine." WJRR here in Orlando at the time kinda broke the record and made it big, right?
Will: WJRR added the song off the independent label. We had a bona fide hit of the independent label that was going to happen no matter what, the question was how big was it going to be The push to WJRR was when a number of record labels were interested.
Me: So, why did you guys choose Atlantic?
Will: Atlantic was one of the first ones and our thought process was AC/DC and Led Zeppelin was on Atlantic.
Me: So, did Atlantic let you guys do your thing?
Will: Atlantic didn't mess with us artistically because the first album was already recorded and went triple platinum. The same thing happened with the second record. Creatively they didn't care about sticking our fingers in creatively. They let us record what we wanted.
Me: "Shine" was everywhere in 1994. Were you surprised that song blew up and defined your career?
Will: We were so in the moment and looking forward, we weren't thinking of a song we recorded and which one was going to be a hit. We were always thinking about the next thing, We were 22-years-old, we didn't have time to analyze which songs were going to be a hit. What's the chances of that happening anyway? We were always thinking about new music and what we could do next.
Me: I loved the second album and the song "December." You had another Number 1 hit song called "Heavy" which I don't really remember. It was featured in a hockey video hame though, right?
Will: Yeah, "NHL 2001," which is a great franchise. I don't know if you ever played the game or noticed it but we have banner hanging up in the arena on the video game.
Me: I never played the game, but that's cool. Collective Soul has a new album called "Blood" which is really good. I like it bands like you guys have released an album as nobody buys albums really any more, but I still do. Haha. How do you think the music industry changed in 25 years?
Will: It's not the expectant of album sounds, it's how good the music could be. We can still have a break out hit and bands can still become popular through streaming of their songs. We have to look at the streaming numbers but hope that a song will make it on TV or in a movie. Good music in people's ears is still the basic combination. If a song becomes a hit I don't see that any different necessary.
Me: Do you remember where you were when you first heard "Shine" on the radio?
Will: Yeah, we were down in Orlando and listening to WJRR, the first station we got rotation on. It was Orlando that we first had our success. It was really exciting to hear us on the radio.
Me: What's the most interesting or weird place one of your songs popped up? My son and I and I'm sure my sisters get a kick out of when a Foghat song is playing in a public place.
Will: I guess recently it was when I was walking in Home Depot. I'm like that's cool, good choice.
Me: That's cool. Will, thanks for being on the Phile. Please come back again sometime.
Will: Thank you, man.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Will Turpin for a great interview. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Rolly Crump. The Phile was supposed to be coming from Walt Disney World today and yesterday but as the parks are closed. Tomorrow we should know if and when they will open again. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
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