Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? The Vernal Equinox has hit. On March 19th, 2020 at exactly 11:50 p.m. EDT spring, believe it or not, sprung. This according to the 2020 Farmer’s Almanac, which says that this year’s Spring Equinox is the earliest in 124 years. That might explain why spring might not feel so, um, springy, in your neck of the woods yet. But, technically... while we’re all stuck inside practicing good social distancing and self-isolation measures to help stop the spread of coronavirus... spring is here. So what does that mean for both the weather and the virus? First, coronavirus. Per Accuweather, increased UV light, which comes with the Vernal Equinox, typically has an adverse effect on viruses. “If the coronavirus behaves like most other viruses, then as the sun grows stronger day by day as we head towards the summer solstice, the stronger sun and increased hours of sunshine may start to take their toll on the virus, thereby helping to slow its spread, particularly as the sun gets stronger in April and May,” said AccuWeather Founder and CEO Dr. Joel N. Myers. Unfortunately, according to the 2020 Farmer’s Almanac Spring Forecast, this spring isn’t going to be as sunny as we’d hope even if we weren’t beset by the worst case of food poisoning in the history of the world. The Farmer’s Almanac predicts a wet and stormy spring. Just what we were all hoping for! The Farmer’s Almanac predicts chilly and wet weather in the Northeastern United States, cool and shower weather in the southeast, cool and stormy weather in Texas, and cold and wet weather in the Rust Belt and upper Midwest. California and the American Southwest won’t be much better, with the Farmer’s Almanac predicting the region is going to slow to warm up, though at least it’ll be dry. In the Pacific Northwest, one of the regions of the United States hit hardest by coronavirus, the forecast is cool-to-warm weather and average precipitation (which, for them, is still a lot). Not buying the Farmer’s Almanac forecast? They were, as usual, pretty spot on.
Just look at this good boy!
There really isn’t anything better than a dog who gets excited to see you! You know that whole theory that mailmen and dogs absolutely don’t get along? Well, that is staying behind in 2019, because this dynamic duo is breaking the barriers! Just look at the special relationship this dog has with his favorite mailman. Moose, a one and a half-year-old Golden Retriever pup has formed a special everlasting bond with his new mailman. Forget mom and dad, this is his favorite human now. The video, posted by his humans, shows the mailman’s truck approach the house and Moose waiting patiently for him to get out. As the man gets out, the Golden Retriever is seen waiting patiently in the driveway, wagging his tail in excitement. That’s when the mailman comes up to him and the pooch jumps on him, embracing the mailman as he hugged him affectionately. It’s a beautiful sight to see, dog cuddles are the best. Honestly, we do not deserve dogs, ladies, and gentlemen. Just look at this wholesome screen shot. If this doesn’t melt your heart, something is wrong with you. According to Moose’s owner, Meghan Gruszynski, the mailman’s dog recently passed away, which makes his visits with Moose extra special. She noted, "I loved how much he loved our boy and loved how much Moose loved saying hi to him… He loves how much love Moose gives him every time he is out on his route.” And in case you were wondering, yes, there is proof of the everyday encounter! Moose’s parents also noted that the mailman was assigned to Moose’s area just a few weeks ago, noting the duo bonded instantly. So, could it be that this good boy sensed the Mailman’s friendly vibe and just wanted a new friend? Most probably. I wish I was this man! No I don't, he's delivering mail in the snow.
Geesh, talk about a terrible first date. A woman accidentally became a getaway driver after her date decided to casually rob a bank. You know, the usual. Is it even a first date if one of you doesn’t commit a crime? Kidding, totally kidding. But this is pure gold. Authorities stated the Massachusetts woman became an unexpected getaway driver after she met the man on a dating app. Her date, Christopher Castillo, pleaded guilty to armed robbery and three counts of assault and battery on a police officer for the crime committed in December 2016. Yes, it’s crazy this man is barley being punished. According to the Bristol County District Attorney’s office, Castillo was sentenced to three years in state prison for the robbery and two years in the Bristol County House of Correction for struggling against and spitting on police who tried to subdue him. The woman, luckily, wasn’t charged because well, I’m sure this hilarious “worst date ever” story is punishment enough. According to authorities, the woman told police when she picked up Castillo from his parent’s house in Chepachet, Rhode Island and drove him 30 minutes east towards North Attleboro, Massachusetts. The man was reportedly drinking wine in the passenger seat of her Nissan Maxima. Which oddly enough, wasn’t charged for it. When they arrived at the bank, the man quickly got off and left her alone in the car for a few minutes. The District Attorney’s office stated Castillo walked into the Bristol County Savings Bank and showed a bank teller a gun. He demanded the $1,000 saying he was “really hurting,” and needed it badly. Suddenly, he came running back with sunglasses, a hat, a gun, and $1,000 in cash in his hand. He then told her to “fucking go.” Panicked the woman drove off, but later stopped when she saw flashing stones cruises behind them. The women quickly pulled to the side, got out of the car and walked away while Castillo stayed inside. When authorities searched the vehicle after they handcuffed him, they found a .44 caliber handgun, which was an antique belonging to Castillo’s stepfather, and the sunglasses and hat that match the description of what the robber was wearing. Authorities also found the $1,000 in his wallet. So, years later after that date from absolute hell, Castillo was sentenced to five years in prison. I hope this woman learned her lesson when it comes to online dating.
A Scottish man is living in hell after a surgical procedure on his groin left him with a permanent and extremely painful erection that refuses to subside. Fifty-seven-year-old Glazier James Scott first underwent surgery two years ago after 1.5 tons of glass fell and crushed his pelvic region in a work accident in Glasgow, Scotland. The accident left him with serious injuries in that sensitive area of his body, including a fractured a bone in his spine, lacerations on both of his legs, and a blocked urethra. The injuries and subsequent surgery made it so that Scott was no longer able to become erect, so a second surgery to insert metal rods into his penis, in order to aid with erections, was performed. The second surgery, it turns out, did its aiding way, way too well. Scott now has an everlasting erection that is so painful to the touch that he can’t even wear pants, and can barely move. He also (understandably) refuses to leave his house out of embarrassment. Plus he can’t wear pants anyway so where’s he going to go? Most heartbreaking of all, though, is that Scott doesn’t want to see his 9-year-old daughter, again out of embarrassment but also because he just doesn’t want to be around his little girl while sporting a glowing red hard-on. Fair. Scott has, of course, complained about all of this to the doctors and staff at the facility where the surgery was performed but they’ve said they can’t help him because they don’t have any male doctors to send (because, apparently, a female physician can’t treat this issue?). Scott meanwhile is basically like, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SEND A TRAINED MONKEY TO FIX MY PENIS FOR ALL I CARE JUST MAKE THE PENIS PAIN STOP.” No luck yet.
A woman in Washington state and her 16-year-old daughter were arrested after the woman allegedly posed as a baby photographer and drugged a mother in an attempt to steal her newborn. According to the Pierce County Sheriff’s Department in Tacoma, Washington, the woman called 911 telling emergency responders she was experiencing drowsiness, was vomiting and had numbness and instability on her feet. She believed she had been drugged. Upon receiving treatment at a hospital, the woman filed a police report with the sheriff’s department, noting she had accepted an offer from a woman in a Facebook group to take photos of her newborn for free. The woman was offering her services to build her portfolio. Thirty-eight-year-old Juliette Parker was named a suspect and allegedly carried multiple aliases. Parker allegedly visited the victim’s home three times to take photos and was seen taking selfies with the baby and wiping her fingerprints from items she had touched. The sheriff’s department released a statement noting the suspect had used a cupcake to drug the mom. “During the third incident, the suspect and the suspect’s teenage daughter gave the victim a cupcake to eat; the victim reported feeling numb and drowsy immediately after eating the cupcake. The new mom told the suspect and her daughter to leave her home. After they left, the victim noticed that the suspect had stolen her house keys.” Parker, along with her daughter, were arrested at their home. She was booked on attempted kidnapping and assault charges. After multiple interviews by detectives and numerous search warrants, they identified additional victims before discovering Parker’s plot to “steal a newborn baby to raise as her own.” Sheriff’s Det. Ed Troyer stated deputies with the sheriff’s department donated money to buy new locks for the victim’s window guard and door and helped her install them. Parker has also allegedly been involved in a bomb-making incident. Not only that, but Parker was also a candidate in the Colorado Springs mayoral race last year. She came in second with 11.9 percent of the vote. Authorities are asking anyone who’s been contacted by a woman posing as a photographer named “Juliette Parker,” “Juliette Noel” or “Juliette Gains” to call detectives at 253-798-7724.
Instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this record...
Never mind. If you want to get a face mask to protect yourself how about this Adidas one?
Are you a fan of those Fast and the Furious movies? There's a new one coming out and I have an exclusive screen shot from it.
The Charmin bears now be like...
They're rich. Here's another...
Ewe. So, some people are using the coronavirus as a pickup line on dating apps like this...
Rock on. So, they told me I'd see odd sights at Walmart. I didn't believe it until I saw this...
If I had a TARDIS I would go to the 50th anniversary of the battle of Gettysburg where Union and Confederate veterans shook hands.
Hey, future kids, this is who wrote the Declaration of Independence...
Haha. Now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here is...
Top Phive Names Not To Call The Coronavirus
5. Asian Affliction
4. Ching Chong Cough
3. Yellowman Fever
2. Kung Flu
And the number one name not to call the coronavirus...
1. Slant Eye Sickness
If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, so you know I live in Florida, right? well, there's things that happen in Florida that don't happen anywhere else.
A Florida man working at a hospital in Lee County, Florida was arrested after a female patient accused him of non-consensually sucking on her toes.
Twenty-three-year-old Frantz Beldorin of Lehigh Acres, Florida was arrested by deputies from the Lee County Sheriff’s Office when a female patient reported him to hospital security for the toe-sucking incident. According to the victim, she awoke in the middle of the night to a wet sensation on her toes and then looked down from her bed and saw Beldorin on the floor, hiding. Beldorin, who has worked at the hospital for the last four years, told police that he had actually dropped his phone on the floor and was down there trying to get it. He believes the woman awoke and became afraid when she saw someone in her room, in the dark. He also said he had no idea what she was talking about, re: the toe sucking. He then informed police that he would not bother to suck on the woman’s toes because he can get that sort of action elsewhere if he feels like it.
Beldorin was charged with battery on a person 65 years of age or older and was released from jail after paying a $1,500 bond. Until his court date he is being forced to wear a monitoring device. His excuse alone tells me he probably did it. Because it’s terrible. Personally I would have gone with, “She’s an old lady, bro, you really think I’d do that!?!?!? Look how old she is! She’s so… old!”
Hopefully his lawyer is cooking up that defense right now. It still probably won’t work, but it’s better. A monitoring device? For toe sucking? Lee County might be the toughest county in America on flight risk criminals. If you get a DUI do they give you house arrest? I don’t think Beldorin was going to be perusing flights to non-extradition treaty countries, is what I’m saying.
And now for some sad news...
Kenny Rogers
August 21st, 1938 — March 20th, 2020
Not many people can write a hit song about gang rape.
Max von Sydow
April 10th, 1929 — March 8th, 2020
It takes some range to play Jesus Christ and Ming the Merciless.
The United States has officially suspended all non-essential traffic across its borders with both Canada and Mexico as it battles to control the coronavirus outbreak. The move follows an announcement made last week that both Canada and the United States agreed to close their shared border for at least 30 days, for essential travels. It will remain open for urgent or necessary business and commercial traffic. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo stated this will not affect lawful trade or commerce.
President Trump took steps to minimize border crossings at the Mexican border by blocking any migrant and asylum seekers on top of the measure that is already in place. The United States also issued a “do not travel” warning for citizens, which advises against traveling to an international destination. Mexico is also suspending air travel from Europe to help protect the southern border of the U.S. President Trump added both the Mexican and Canadian borders are being treated the same, in terms of action taken to limit any cross border travel. The border closing between Mexico and the United State will take effect beginning on Saturday, March 21st, 2020.
The CDC also recommends to immediately institute “blanket refusal” of entry to anyone on both the southern or northern U.S. border who doesn’t have proper documentation for lawful entry. This replaces existing practices of processing and holding in CBP facilities at the border those attempting to cross. All attempted border crossing individuals will be returned to their original country of citizenship, as stated by Trump.
As COVID-19 cases rise, in the United States there have been at least 210 deaths and over 14,600 confirmed cases of the virus. Worldwide, there have been over 11,1000 deaths, with Italy being the biggest one-day coronavirus case increase. Globally, there are more than 265,000 confirmed cases around the globe.
Health experts have recommended everyone to partake in lockdowns and self-isolation to help prevent coronavirus spread. People are asked to remain in their homes as much as possible.
On Friday, March 20th, 2020, President Donald Trump announced the following measures to help combat COVID-19:
Restricting nonessential travel between the U.S. and Mexico
Allowing borrowers with federal student loans to be able to pause their payments for two months without interest accruing
Enacting the Defense Production Act to get critical medical supplies.
The 117th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Rolly will be on the Phile on Wednesday.
Today's guest is a Phile Alum who is the subject of the documentary film David Crosby: Remember My Name which premiered at the 2019 Sundance Film Festival. Please welcome back to the Phile... David Crosby.
Me: Hello, David, welcome back to the Phile. How are you?
David: Hello. Feeling familiar.
Me: So, you have a new documentary which is sooo good called David Crosby: Remember My Name. Did you learn anything about yourself putting this together?
David: Unquestionably yes. It's a thing I encountered in those 12-step rooms a long time ago when I was working on getting sober and I do unquestionably learn while looking about my own life if I wanted to look at it honestly. I could bake an event and wonder how I wounded up there. What was the choice I made? What was the bad decision? I could look at it and do the one really useful thing which is learn from it. Then I could set it down and walk off. That's a very good thing.
Me: Okay, so, I was wondering about something when I interviewed you last time and didn't get to ask you. What is a singer or a song that has a big significance to you?
David: Josh White's "Strange Fruit." I think Billie Holiday made it more famous than Josh White did. It had a real significance to me. My mom had that record and I said, "What's the 'strange fruit,' mommy?" She started crying really hard. Weeping. She felt then she had to explain racism to her little child. Boy, that sure mystified me. I couldn't understand how somebody could not like somebody because of the color of their skin. That doesn't make sense. I loved my mom for being the human being that she was and that she was extremely committed to equality amongst humans. She taught that to me early and well. It served me well all my life.
Me: I was surprised for your love of jazz with this documentary, especially your love with John Coltrane. What can you say about him?
David: He was and utterly brilliant musician. Many musicians I liked like Bill Evans, and Miles, Miles was a hero to me. He cut one of my songs once which was amazing. Those guys opened the world to me.
Me: Did you want to be a jazz artist?
David: No, I don't have that kind of skill. When my brother turned me on to late 50s jazz I loved the freedom of it and destiny and musical brilliance really attracted me. It always has and still does.
Me: I love the song "Mr. Tambourine Man," David, the Byrds version. I love the electric guitar sound. Was that a conscious thing to add the electric guitar or was that a happy accident?
David: No happy accident. Roger McGuinn did that and he did it extremely well. Roger is the best guy for translating Bob Dylan's songs into music. There isn't anybody else that ever come close to him. He's really good at it, he really understands Bob, he's friends with Bob, he studied Bob's music, he's sung all kinds of Bob songs and he knows how to translate them onto a band record. He's brilliant at it.
Me: You guys did tons of Bob Dylan covers. Why was that?
David: Well, they're good songs, man. His poetry was fantastic. They were simple which served us well. I think I did good harmonies on them and stuff. I think Roger McGuinn is responsible for about 50% at least of what the Byrds did.
Me: What did Bob Dylan think of the Byrd's renditions of his songs?
David: He listened to us playing "Mr. Tambourine Man" and went right out and got himself an electric band. Immediately.
Me: So you're taking full credit for that? Hahaha.
David: I am. I may be wrong but unless Bob says different I think that is what happened.
Me: I love the song "Almost Cut My Hair." It's one of my favorite songs you did. What do you think of that song?
David: Ha. I haven't listened to that song in years. I'm really proud of it, I think we did a really good job with it.
Me: Do you listen to any of your past stuff?
David: Truthfully, no, I don't listen to the old stuff. I'm proud of it, I think we did good work. I mostly listen to new stuff.
Me: Are you a very forward thinking musician, David?
David: I have to be. I'm so fascinated with it. I've been so lucky, the people who have come into my life like my son James Raymond who is a brilliant writers absolutely brilliant and a much better musician than I am. Michelle Willis, a Canadian singer-songwriter. Becca Stevens, a Carolina girl who is a brilliant singer-songwriter.
Me: Yeah, you mentioned them before. And they're pretty on the eyes as well, David. Hahaha. What is it like to sing on stage with those two women?
David: It is a joy. It's an absolute joy. With Michelle, man, I think Canada should put up a statue. They got to be proud of that girl. She is an unbelievable singer-songwriter. She has massive talent and by the way, she's in the middle of making a massive record that is going to rip the lid off. You're about to find out how good this girl is. She really is. You need to interview her for this blog.
Me: I hope so. Okay, so, tell the readers who haven't seen the new film what it's about.
David: A big part of it is about me on how I get along with other musicians. People like Roger McGuinn, Stephen Stills and Graham Nash and Neil Young. I do not speak to these people who I used to make music with.
Me: Why is that?
David: Well, I think it's more they don't speak to me actually. What happens is I start a band like that, we love each other, we love each other's music, I'm thrilled and I'm excited and have a blast. Forty years later after its devolved to turn on the smoke machine and play the hits and we don't like each other... I mean we don't like each other as friends it's no fun. I had to get out of there or it would've spoilt music for me. Music is more important to me than those guys are. I like those guys, we did good work and I'm proud of it and all that stuff but I'm sorry, music is more important. It was a very tough decision to make, I don't make any money now because I'm not in a big group like that. That was a tough choice to make and I think I did the right thing because the music that I'm making, although it isn't making money is making my heart happy in terms of the art that it is. It just completes me.
Me: So, singing with Michelle and Becca is better for you right now than playing again as Crosby, Stills & Nash?
David: Playing with Michelle and Becca, if you listen to the last record we did, it's some of the best work I've ever done in my life. Ever. It might be one of the best records I'd ever been on. I don't know if you remember but it's called "Here If You Listen." I recommend it highly.
Me: Yeah, that's what you were promoting last time you were here. What is one of your favorite tracks from that album?
David: "Bubble Balanced on a Pin." Or "Bounced on a Pin." We started out with it being called "Bubble on a Pin." I like it a lot. It describes how I feel sometimes right now.
Me: Like a bubble balanced on a pin?
David: Yeah. Fragile.
Me: Is it because you're getting older or the health issues you're dealing with?
David: All of the above.
Me: Yet you're out there performing and playing and leaving home for stretches at a time. What does that feel like?
David: The leaving is bad. It's bad. I love my family and I love my home. Being on the road is very hard if you're old like me. I don't have the stamina to deal with it like I used to have. But, man, the three hours that I'm on stage is heaven. It's so good. It's so much fun. I love it so much. I have so much fun doing it. I need to do it anyway because you may not know this, but streaming does not pay us. It's like if you did your job at wherever you work and they paid you a nickel. It's not okay. So, that cut my income in half with streaming, I used to get paid for my records but now I don't. And then leaving CS&N cut my income in half. I don't make very much money but it's okay with me, I'm lucky I have a job and I'm really happy with the level of the music. I think it's crucially more important to feel good about the music and feel good about myself. That's one thing you'll find about all ex junkies, we want to feel good about ourselves. I try really hard, it's kind of like a built in condition.
Me: How are you feeling about yourself because you called yourself a jerk in the documentary.
David: Oh, I feel great. I was a jerk, many of times. But I still feel great about myself at this point. I'm trying very hard to be a decent human being and I'm doing my job, I'm making very good art. That's the one place I can function and help and I'm doing it, and I'm doing it well. I'm pretty happy about myself now.
Me: Not only do you love playing music but you also love sailing. What does sailing give you that music couldn't?
David: Oooh. Steadiness. It's like having a load stone that I could touch and my life makes sense. It's so beautiful and stirs me on in such a level. I have always been a sailor. I started when I was eleven, I've been sailing my whole life. I've sailed many, many, many thousand of miles. I love it and its one of the reasons I'm resentful about the streaming thing is I had to sell my boat. I loved that boat.
Me: What kind of boat was it?
David: I owned a schooner for about 46 years or something. More than fifty actually. That really hurt. I still am not okay about that.
Me: You had some good times on that boat, right?
David: I had a joyful time. I lived on it in Sausalito. I had a blast. The best experiences were the long voyages. Sailing from Mexico to Hawaii, 3,000 miles. Sailing from Hawaii to Tahiti and back was just a joy.
Me: That seems like torture to me. Hahaha. So, do you think anyone nowadays is making the same kinda protest music that you made and still make?
David: Not often. People are desperate to kind of make a living. So they go very strongly for the most "pop" thing they could do and they hesitate to take any political stances because it will interfere with their earning ability. That of course is a vey terrible compromise to make. There are people, good doing people, writing well, writing stuff that is significant. But it's not common.
Me: So, the peace and love movement that happened in the 60s, does that movement need to come back now or something different?
David: I would defend the values that we had as hippies. I think that movement was correct about everything except the drugs. I think we were completely right about civil rights and completely right about women's rights and completely right about democracy being a good idea, and completely right about not liking it and not liking that corporations have bought Congress. I don't think we're wrong. I think it's going to take more. It's a fight, we're in a fight with the soul, heart and life of this country. I don't think its anything less than that.
Me: So, has the love of making music ever left you?
David: Never. I love it, man. It's a joy. Come on, I get to make people happy. Come on. Seeing audiences faces from from our side?
Me: Nope. Do they look good?
David: They're all smiling at me, Jason. That gives me lots of juice.
Me: That's fantastic. David, thanks for being on the Phile again. Please come back when your next release comes out.
David: Alright, thank you.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to David Crosby for another great interview. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Will Turpin from Collective Soul. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
No comments:
Post a Comment