Monday, February 27, 2017

Pheaturing Phil And Max From Knifey

Hey there, good afternoon, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. Sorry the Oscars are better at admitting they're wrong than every person you've dated.
The world is still shaking from the colossal mixup at the end of last night's Academy Awards. Screen legends Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway took the stage to present the award for Best Picture, announcing that the heavily-favored La La Land had won it. The only problem was that it hadn't. Millions of viewers were treated to the experience of seeing the producers of La La Land make their speeches, oblivious to the frenzied Academy officials scurrying around behind them. Gradually, the beaming smiles of the "winners" were replaced by expressions of sheer horror. Then the truth was revealed... Beatty and Dunaway had announced the wrong movie. Moonlight was the actual winner. Whoops. In the ensuing chaos, Beatty returned to the microphone to explain what had happened, but the damage was done. Host Jimmy Kimmel jokingly shouted, "Warren, what did you do?!" In that moment, Beatty officially became the scapegoat. The sad part is that his explanation made sense. He clearly saw that something was wrong with the envelope, but wasn't sure how to proceed... it was Dunaway who confidently announced the wrong winner. But for better or worse, Beatty will be remembered as the buffoon here.
Iranian director Asghar Farhadi won his second Oscar for Best Foreign Film at the 2017 Oscars, this time for his movie The Salesman. To protest President Trump's travel ban on people from seven Muslim-majority countries, Farhadi boycotted the ceremony, and instead had a powerful statement read by Iranian-American astronaut Anousheh Ansari. Naturally, this powerful moment did not sit well with fans of Trump's ban. Future Kellyanne Conway/fellow right-wing mouthpiece Tomi Lahren freaked the fuck out, and took the opportunity to spew nastiness on Twitter.

In addition to being a disgusting, racist generalization about the nation and people of Iran, it's a terribly constructed tweet. There's more.

The sad snowflake was really bitter that she wasn't invited.
Are the people at Oxford Dictionaries hanging out with their college interns a little too much? Whatever is happening over there, the esteemed keeper of the English language has decided to add a slew of new words to its pages, including "yas," "squad goals," and "drunk text." I mean, those just sounds like words they were using while in a cab home after a happy hour got too aggressive. Now, some people resent when a word that feels more like a "flavor of the week" than a term that can stand the text of time, gets added to the dictionary. These are the people who are quick to remind you how many words Shakespeare had at his disposal (at least three as many as the average person today). But setting aside the fact that these additions have only been invented and used in the past several years, it's also glaringly obvious that these words are the parlance of annoying, predominantly white, often upwardly-mobile twenty-something women. This is especially true of "squad goals," which Jezebel points out was originated by rapper Waka Flocka, but then co-opted and championed by professional white woman Taylor Swift (who once asked The Weeknd if she could touch his hair, a most classic white woman move). But, some people were psyched to have their use of these words validated. Some other new additions include "dirty talk" as well as "friendsgiving," and "sausage fest," and "fleek," according to Mic. All of this only corroborates my theory that a gaggle of white girls decided upon these terms when they were tipsy on rosé. Celebrate or mourn how you like!
Magician Daryl Easton was found dead inside a closet of Hollywood's Magic Castle, with a bag over his head, having hanged himself, Reuters reports. Easton was 61. Initially, the death was ruled a to be a suicide by the LAPD, but it has now been ruled an accident by the Los Angeles County Medical Examiner's Department. Exactly what type of accident has yet to be concluded. Some think that the death could have been a magic act gone awry, though Vicki Greenleaf, a spokeswoman for the Academy of Magical Arts, dispelled that myth in a conversation with Reuters. The magician was set to appear on the club's parlor stage on Friday night, the evening he was found dead. But, how is a hanging an accident, if it's not a trick gone awry? What other types of hanging accidents are there? Easton was a world-class magician who referred to himself as "the magician's magician" and specialized in card trick's, according to his website. So, it makes sense that he wouldn't be attempting a Houdini-esque escape trick. "He didn't perform illusions," said Greenleaf. "He was known as a card guy." Hollywood's Magic Castle was a club for members of the Academy of Magical Arts. According to the club's website, "when you become a member, the Magic Castle becomes your Magic Castle. You and your guests can enjoy the unique talents of the Magic Castle’s world-class performers and dine in Victorian Splendor." Guests are also able to take advantage of a robust library of "books, videos, DVDs, and periodicals exploring the world of the magical arts, and can attend lectures presented by some of the world’s foremost experts in the world of magic." It's a strange story that reads like a murder mystery dinner party plot or a game of Clue. It's fitting for the death of a magician, but leaves a lot of unanswered questions. It doesn't seem as though foul play is suspected for the time being, but perhaps more more conclusive information will be found in the coming days.
This morning on "Today," George W. Bush gave his first in-depth interview since the inauguration in January. Speaking to Matt Lauer, Bush expressed an opinion about the media that sounds quite different from that of President Donald Trump. Matt Lauer asked George W. Bush if he ever considered the media to be the enemy of the American people (like Trump tweeted), especially during the times when a lot of negative press was being written about him. Bush answered, "I consider the media to be indispensable to democracy. That we need an independent media to hold people like me to account. Power can be very addictive, and it can be corrosive, and it's important for the media to call to account people who abuse their power, whether it be here or elsewhere. One of the things I spent a lot of time doing was trying to convince a person like Vladimir Putin, for example, to accept the notion of an independent press. It's kind of hard to tell others to have an independent free press when we're not willing to have one ourself [sic]." Hey, maybe he ought to sit down with Donald Trump for a few minutes and try explaining that concept to him.
So, on Saturday's entry I told you that the "Washington Post" adds a slogan to their masthead. It now says "Democracy Dies in Darkness." There was another slogan they thought of beforehand.

I agree. Alright, so, once in awhile Disney changes the look of their characters. This one was so drastically changed I don't know who it is.

Disney is releasing a new version of Bambi that should be pretty good. Here's the movie poster...

I'd go and see it. Today President Trump signed a new executive order... I wonder what this one was about.

Okay, that's good I guess. I mentioned at the top of the blog how Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty announced the wrong winner for Best Picture at the Oscars. Well, looking at the cover of the La La Land original soundtrack I can see why this happened.

And I think this might've been the reason La La Land was on Dunaway's mind. By the way, they made this poster for La La Land...

Makes sense, right? Anyway, it was nice of them to release this poster for the movie...

I have been telling you over the last few weeks there's lot of Trump products out there... and not all are flattering. Like this one for instance...

Hahahaha. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Other Oscar Mistakes
5. Emma Stone won both Best Actress and Best Animated Short.
4. The award for Best Actor was given to a dangerous-looking drifter.
3. One of the parachuting bags of candy was stuffed with Mickey Rooney's ashes.
2. Mel Gibson was up for Best Director, despite his virulent anti-semitism.
And the number one Oscar mistake was...
1. As it turns out, not a single award all evening went to its actual winner.

It's a stretch but if you spot the Mindphuck let me know. So, I'm British as you know and I don't have the biggest love for the French. So, that's why when a story comes up about the French I think of one thing...

Remember when Barack Obama was president and every day was filled with magic? Me too. But President Barack Obama lives in the past, sadly. At least, in the United States. HOWEVER, a few clever people across the pond in France figured out a way Barack Obama could technically become president again... but this time, the president of FRANCE, the "Washington Post" reports. Mind. Blown. Seriously though. France is preparing for a presidential election in just a few months, and the current front-runners are problematic and polarizing. We all know how that can end. So a group of French optimists have decided to try and bring a better option to the table, by recycling a former U.S. President. But they don't want just any old U.S. president... they want Barack Obama. And, like, I get it. These posters have been appearing all over Paris in recent weeks...

The group also has a website where they urge citizens to sign a petition to urge Obama to run. “The French are ready to make radical choices,” says a statement on the website. “That is good because we have a radical idea to propose to them.” They list various reasons he would be the best president for France, like the fact that he has “the best résumé in the world for the job.” Duhhhhhh. But what about the fact that Obama is not French? That could be a benefit! “At a time when France is about to vote massively for the far right, we can give a lesson in democracy to the planet by electing a foreigner as French president,” says the website. This all sounds like a great idea but there is one catch... Barack Obama would have to consent to this. And I'm pretty sure if and when they ask him, his response will go something like this... "Hmmm. What? Hahaha. No. It can be frustrating this business of democracy. Obama out." OBAMA OUT. Sorry, France. But also, not sorry. You already get everything... like a 3D printed clitoris.

Joseph Wapner 
November 15th, 1919 — February 26th, 2017
The decision in the case of Grim Reaper v. Wapner is in. Ruling is for the plaintiff.

Bill Paxton 
May 17th, 1955 — February 25th, 2017
Game Over, Man! Game Over!

Hahaha. That's stupid.

The 57th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

The author, Shelly Ambrose, will be a guest on the Phile next Sunday.

Okay, today's pheatured guests are the members of the Canadian band Knifey whose debut single "Sophie" is available on Bandcamp. Please welcome to the Phile from Knifey... Phil and Max.

Me: Hey, Phil, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Phil: Hey, I am swell!

Me: Where are you guys from? Canada, right? What part?

Phil: Toronto, Ontario.    

Me: Okay, so, if I moved to Toronto what would be the first thing I would do?

Phil: Ideally find a place to live, secondly go to White Brick Kitchen and eat Scotchish eggs.

Me: Yuck. I like to ask my Canadian guests if they are fans of one of my favorite bands... Barenaked Ladies. Are you a fan of there's?

Phil: Not terribly but like many kids growing up in Canada have heard "If I Had a Million Dollars" a million times.

Me: Do you know Adam Bentley? He has been on the Phile a few times and it seems every Canadian musician I interview has heard of him.

Phil: I have worked with Adam a lot! He is truly awesome guy.

Me: So, who else is in the band, Phil?

Phil: Max, Kyle, and Ammar.

Me: You're the lead singer, right? Do you write the song lyrics as well?

Phil: No and no, Max sings and writes the majority of the lyrics. I wrote the majority of the instrumentals.

Me: Alright, I have to ask about the band name... Knifey. It sounds like a character from Pee-Wee Herman's old show. You might be too young to remember that. Where did the band name come from?

Phil: "The Simpsons." "That's Not a Knife this is a Knife."

Me: Have you ever looked up Knifey on Urban Dictionary? Do it and tell me what you think. Hahaha.

Phil: Never actually, oh man, that’s gnarly, why would anyone ever do that!? Haha.

Me: The band hasn't been together for long, right? How did you all meet?

Phil: Nope not really maybe a year. Max and I have played shows together in the past and had a bunch of mutual friends. I met Kyle at a FIDLAR show in Toronto in someone's apartment above a bike store (greatest venue ever called soy bomb). Kyle worked with Ammar and brought him in.

Me: You just came out with your first ever single... "Sophie." Is that about anybody in particular? 

Phil: Sophie is legitimately the name of Max's lizard. But its about past relationships and stuff too.

Me: Phil, you were your influences music wise growing up?

Phil: Canadian pop duo Prozzak obvisouly, if you don’t know now you know: Joking aside listened to a lot of louder music like Refused, Alexisonfire, The Smiths, Modest Mouse, Brand New, Tokyo Police Club, Interpol, and Yeah Yeah Yeahs, & Flaming Lips are some of my favorites from the past.

Me: Max, what about you?

Max: Blink, the Police, and CCR. Those stand out for whatever reason, especially when it comes to what I write. Add your own stuff!

Me: Is the band into the the same stuff...bands and shit?

Max: Most of us love FIDLAR and PUP. If you threw a bunch of music in front of us, I'm sure we'd end up listening to similar stuff.

Me: You guys have an EP coming out... what can you say about it?

Max: Well, we've got four tunes recorded so far, and are hoping to get four more done as well. We're pretty bullish on the work in general, and are stoked for people to hear it.

Me: Does it have a title yet?

Max: We haven't sat down and figured anything out. A certain band member might be keen on "Beach Lightning," and might be using his interview as a platform to promote that name...

Phil: Max is very subtle if you haven’t noticed.

Me: Haha. Do you guys get to play a lot of shows?

Max: We're hoping to! Everyone in the bands got their own stuff going on, but I think when it comes down to it we'd all rather be on stage than anywhere else in the world.

Phil: Bands out there if you need an opening act tweet us….

Me: I think it's very cool you kids have your own record label... Cutlery Music. Cool name as well. Who came up with that and was it easy to put together?

Max: Phil 'The Thill' Linton came up with that one. Founder and CEO.

Phil: And a little inside joke with me, myself and I.

Me: Do you have other bands on the label, or will you in the future?

Max: My capella album of famous classic rock/new wave guitar solos, it'll be on Cutlery!

Phil: Only if it is nothing but Tears for Fears.

Me: I have to mention the promo pic... what happened? It looks like you were knocked out, Max. what happened there?

Max: Phil would like us to tell you that we were setting up for another shot and I had found a spot on the ground with no glass shards and didn't want to loose it. In reality, we all know Phil kicked me in my bad knee... bastard!

Me: I have to also ask about the single cover... who did that and what the hell is it supposed to be? 

Phil: Devin Wilson of Bravestation did that art for us. And its suppose to be like those paper cups from the 90’s… nostalgic, eh!

Me: I see that now. So, apart from the EP what is next from you guys?

Phil: More writing, more shows, more time spent in smelly rehearsal rooms, and more beers.

Me: Phil, go ahead and mention Knifey's website and anything else you want. I hope this interview was fun and I hope you'll come back soon.

Phil: You can find us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram @KnifeyBand or if you just wanna say hi or grab a beer in Toronto send us an email at

Me: Take care, and continued success.

Phil: Thanks for our first interview hope we did well. Also hope the YouTube links are okay…

Me: You did great and yeah, they were okay. Speak to you soon, guys.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to the guys from Knifey. The Phile will be back next Sunday with author Shelly Ambrose. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

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