Hello, everybody, welcome to A Peverett Phile Valentine. Happy Valentine's Day to all, even the "bad hombres" and "losers" out there! Guys, no woman will ever be truly satisfied on Valentine's Day because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money. But of you remember her on Valentine's Day, she will remember you on Steak and a BJ day. And if you're alone today, that's Natural Selection. I realized nobody uses "HVD" for Valentine's Day... sounds too clinical I guess.
In the latest edition of Burger King, no!—Burger King (only in Israel) is offering an "adult toy" meal after 6 pm on Valentine's Day. You know how McDonald's does Happy Meals? And the kids get a toy? But it's not a sex toy because they're kids? This extra-happy meal is called an "Adults Meal," and they didn't have to be clever about the name because it comes with a sex toy. Technically, an "adults toy." Via Ad Week, "The meal comes with: 2 Whoppers, 2 packs of french fries, 2 beers. A romantic ADULT TOY inside (emphasis BK’s). Former episodes of Burger King, no! featured the black bun burger, the hot dog, and who could forget the Cheetos Chicken Fries. You have to be 18 plus to order their latest monstrosity. According to "USA Today," you can expect your "adults toy" to be a feather duster, head massager, or a blindfold. All hail the king. Why only Israel? I have a Burger King two minutes from my apartment. Ugh!
After one incredibly long year without a single nude image gracing the pages of "Playboy," the bare-all images have made their glorious return, "EW" reports. It feels like just yesterday I was picking up... oh wait, I have literally never picked up a copy of "Playboy" and had no idea they stopped publishing nude photographs because I long-ago wrote off the publication as a sexist rag that ashamed men read while taking a poop. Just kidding! Remember that Debbie Gibson issue? Anyway, with the March/April issue that hit racks on Monday they are apparently back, complete with a cover line that reminds us of our animal roots: "Naked is normal."
In 2015, the magazine stopped using nude photography as an attempt to shake the sexist connotations that had become less tolerable (thank god) in the current era, in which you can't throw an #ImWithHer mug without hitting a "The Future Is Female" t-shirt. But the truth is that the nude photographs weren't the issue, and that the systemic sexism deeply ingrained into the institution of "Playboy" is a problem a quick image swap can't fix. "I’ll be the first to admit that the way in which the magazine portrayed nudity was dated," said COO Cooper Hefner, son of the dynasty's founder Hugh, "but removing it entirely was a mistake." Why was nudity a mistake? According to "EW," when "Playboy's" website cut nudity in 2014 it led to a dramatic increase in traffic, which is why the print magazine followed suit; it seemed passé to keep peddling nudies in a world where the Internet exists. But Hefner disagrees. "Nudity was never the problem because nudity isn’t a problem," he said. Whoa, revolutionary. That's like some Garden of Eden before Eve took a bite out of the apple shit. He continued, "today we’re taking our identity back and reclaiming who we are." What an identity to reclaim! It's a big day for boobs and butts everywhere. God bless and good day. Oh, wait, I have more Phile to do. Haha.
Have you tried the hottest new dating app? It's called UberPool, and like Tinder, it uses your geographic location, but sets you up under the supervision of a certified driver. Behold its greatest success story. Hayley Mitchell called an UberPool to take her home after a bad date, and ended up meeting a hot new one. The 27-year-old got in a car in London last April when she met Charlie Algar, 28. "The Daily Mail" got the full treatment for the inevitable film adaptation. Mitchell meant to order a private Uber, but accidentally pressed UberPool, hitching a ride with destiny. When she saw on her phone that Charlie was arriving, she assumed it was the name of the driver. But when she got in the backseat, she said "Oh, you're Charlie," and the guy assumed that she knew him personally. She said, "He thought that I knew him. I went along with it and said, ‘I can’t believe you don’t remember me’ and he looked very pale all of a sudden. He went on for about 10 minutes listing all these places we might have known each other from." The two spent the 10-minute ride trying to "find out" where they knew each other from. When the car reached his home, she came clean that they didn't really know each other. But he wanted to get to know her, asking, "What are you doing this weekend?" before getting out of the car. Two days later, Mitchell got a text from "Charlie Uber," and the two have been a couple ever since. They couple moved in together in October 2016, now sharing the same Uber pick-up and drop-off destination. "We always joke we should send the Uber driver a bottle of Champagne!" Mitchell told "The Daily Mail." In the movie version, the couple absolutely gets the same driver on the way to the airport for their honeymoon.
Here's a nice story for Valentine's Day... A dad accidentally sent his daughter a Snapchat of his eggplant emoji if you get my drift. Robyn Millen, an 18-year-old in Brighton, England, was horrified to see a picture her dad meant to send privately to her mother .. after he accidentally added it to his Snapchat story. The mix-up happened since Snapchat allows users to send private pictures to individuals, which expire after a few seconds, but also allows pics to be sent to everyone on a user's friend list via the story feature. Those pictures are viewable for 24 hours. Apparently Mr. Millen was not aware of that distinction, and added a pic to his story instead of sending it directly to his wife. Millen, as her tweet so succinctly states, wanted to die of embarrassment. But her dad, true to dad form, couldn't care less. Mom also thinks it's hilarious. Let this be a lesson to all parents that want to hop on the latest social media trends: it's all fun and games until a picture of your shriveled member covered in emojis gets retweeted thousands of times. Congrats to the Millens for keeping things spicy in their marriage after all these years.
Match.com surveyed over 5,500 singles to deliver their annual Singles in America Study, a comprehensive, scientific look at what it means to be looking for love these days. Here are the most important tidbits (hopefully you're not reading this on your phone on a date, because 58% of people hate that). Fifty-seven percent of millennials are lonely. Men are said to have fallen in love an average of 3.3 times, compared to women, who've only fallen in love 2.3 times. Thirty-eight percent of men agree that the number one turn-on is a female entrepreneur. Forty-two percent of participants say they judge people on their social media posts, while only 39% of people will judge you on your grammar. Fifty-eight percent of people are turned off by people who openly complain on Facebook. iPhone users are 21 times more likely to judge Android users negatively. Eighty-six percent of women are more likely to negatively judge a man with a cracked phone screen. Millennials are 48% more likely than other generations to sleep with someone right away if they feel the connection. Fifty-three percent of millennial women have received dick pics, but oof, only 49% of them requested it. Forty-three percent of people said they have had success flirting at the laundromat. Talk to your Uber driver about your love life and you're 3 times more likely to hook up. Read the whole revealing study here.... singlesinamerica.com/2017/#behindscenes. But finish the Phile first.
Alright, it's Valentine's Day and Christian Mingle might have the right person for you. But I'm not sure about their ad...
Hmmmm. No comment. I have to show this...
This guy went to Steak n Shake with his wife every year for Valentine's Day since before he was married. This is his first year without a valentine. For a minute I thought that was me in the future. I love pie graphs, and I thought this one was appropriate when the survey was done.
So, I also love inspirational posters and I think we might know who put this one out.
Not all Muslims by the way. Hey, wanna stay at the Luxor in Vegas? They have a good deal going on for Valentine's Day.
Carrot Top tickets, people! So, there's a candy heart that's kinda fitting for present day...
Hahahaha. So, I don't know what Jiffy Lube is up to for today.
Hmmm. This should be today's Mindphuck but this ad for a trip in Europe is telling us something I think. This is 100% real...
Those crazy Brits. I should know, I am one of them. Haha. So, Trump is writing a new executive order to help out relationships today. Check it out...
I think I got it wrong. I need to check. You know, sometimes on Facebook Valentine's Day goes horribly wrong.
You're just hanging out with the wrong crowd, Sean. By which I mean the normal crowd. I don't know what you are doing for your loved one today but I bet it's not as romantic as this gesture from the man who put a love letter in the paper for his 61st anniversary.
Traditionally, the first anniversary is the paper one. He's just 60 years late. So, if you didn't get anything for your loved one for Valentine's Day yet there's still time, and I'm here to help you. How about this?
Need instant love? Blow one up! The inflatable heart is the most convenient, portable and unconditional form of love ever created. And here's a vintage Valentine's Card you can print out and give to someone...
A prescient Valentine for 2017. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...
Top Phive Things Written On Modern Valentine's Day Cards
5. I am putin you first this Valentine's Day.
4. Tonight I'm taking you out to dinner and Mexico's paying for it.
3. I'm a lady in the sheets, and deplorable in the streets.
2. My feelings for you are not "alternative facts."
And the number one thing written on a modern Valentine's Day is...
1. I'd Ken Bone You.
Hahaha. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, a friend of the Phile has something to say about Valentine's Day and relationships. He is a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...
Good morning, humans. Happy V-Day. Okay... here's the way it works... Most bastards and bitches start out as nice, caring people who are considerate, honest and sincere. It's only after being fucked over repeatedly by users and abusers that they morph into callous bastards and nasty bitches who then in turn, screw OTHERS over. I said MOST... then there's the other ones who were just abusive pricks and insensitive cunts to BEGIN with. Valentine's Day (noun): 1. a holiday in mid February created by jewelers, chocolate manufacturers, card salesmen and florists for the sole purpose of increasing profits. 2. a way for cheating spouses with guilty consciences to atone for their sins by giving great oral sex. 3. the most depressing day for any fat kid in grade school.
Saint Valentine was a third century Roman saint whose violent beheading is commemorated on February 14th by giving someone a picture of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle saying "you have a pizza my heart!"
The 57th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
The author Shelly Ambrose will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks.
Me: Jetty! Welcome to the Phile. How are you?
Jetty: I'm doing great... kids are in bed and I'm sipping on coffee. I can't complain!
Me: I love your name, Jetty, it's easy to remember and very unique. What's the origin of it?
Jetty: Thank you so much! It's definitely unique, it was my paternal grandmas name.
Me: Your parents were verity creative, right?
Jetty: Yes, my dad is a playwright, and my mom is a theatre director.
Me: Were they part of a theater group? They were actors, right?
Jetty: Yes, my parents own a theatre company Ragamuffin Theatre, and they both act, stage, direct and write most of the plays they produce. They actually met in a touring theatre company.
Me: Did you ever do any acting?
Jetty: I did, starting in middle school on through some of my college years. Before I began song writing I wanted to be a stage actor.
Me: Where are you from originally, Jetty?
Jetty: I was born in Oregon.
Me: You lived in Hawaii for awhile, right? How was that experience?
Jetty: I did! I moved to Hawaii when I was 18, and I lived there for two years. I loved everything about life on the island, especially the beaches. I did a lot of growing up there, and made some dear life-long friends. Hawaii will always be a second home to me. I've been back quite a few times, and every time I step off the plane and smell the floral salty air... it takes me back to those days.
Me: How did you end up there?
Jetty: I joined a performing arts missionary group with Youth With A Mission... we traveled all over the world, actually we performed a play that I helped write and musically arrange.
Me: That's where you started your musical career, am I right?
Jetty: It's definitely where some pieces of the puzzle started to fit in. I had always loved music, and singing, and writing... but I hadn't ever really committed to putting all three together. Since I was in the performing arts DTS (school) we had a lot of creatives, and one day I was singing and jamming out with some musicians... and my friend Tek heard me for the first time. He asked me after that if I would be interested in singing with this hip-hop/rap group he was forming. I became part of a very special collaboration, we built a studio, we spent hours writing together and we eventually toured the Hawaiian Islands and the west coast as well as China performing together. It was an electrifying experience, and it taught me a lot about collaboration, writing, and producing. I don't get to reminisce about that much anymore, but it was a very special time in my life.
Me: How long have you been singing and songwriting, Jetty?
Jetty: I've been singing for a very long time haha, and writing since my first diary at age 10. I have books and books of written words, poems, and lyrics.
Me: Did you want to be a singer all your life?
Jetty: I think that was a very early dream, just like most girls. But as I grew up I think I realized subconsciously that I probably wasn't capable or able to realize that dream. It got buried with comparison, fear, and also changing passions. The love of singing has always been there, but the skills and talent came with a lot of hard work. I still have to work very hard.
Me: Jetty, who were your influences throughout your life?
Jetty: The ones closest to me influenced me the most-- my mom for starters. Growing up she was always playing her piano, singing and writing. It took me a long time to realize that she was the one who built on the first foundations of this dream and passion to express myself. I would not be who I am today without her nurturing, and more importantly modeling herself what it looks like for some one to use their gifts to touch others.
Me: Okay, what's this I read that you live in an Airsteam... how long have you done that?
Jetty: Yes, we are known as what the RV people call full-timers, and also I suppose we are tiny housers too. We moved into a vintage '79 airstream Excella 500 in May 2016.
Me: I have a pic of you and the Airstream so people know what we are talking about...
Me: Does it travel or stay in one place?
Jetty: We mainly travel in it. Since moving into it we have traveled through Canada, all the way to the west coast California and back to Michigan. We've seen some pretty amazing places. It's always surreal waking up in a new place and realizing your home is now right outside the Grand Canyon, or a Walmart parking lot... haha.
Me: Where do you live now in the Airstream?
Jetty: Currently our airstream is parked in northern Michigan. We came home for Christmas and we've been here in northern Michigan to help care for my dad who is healing from cancer. Unfortunately its way too cold here right now to stay in it. I am pretty homesick... believe it or not, that 180-square-foot trailer is more home to us than anywhere else.
Me: Do you have a family, Jetty? If so, what did they think of you moving into it?
Jetty: I do. I am so blessed to have an amazing immediate family of two sisters and a brother, as well as tons of in-laws, and extended family. We are all very close. My family was very supportive of our choice to down-size and move into the Airstream. There were a lot of concerns about how we would manage with two young kids, but I think they all see now that we are learning and growing and enjoying the experience.
Me: They must enjoy your music, am I right, Jetty?
Jetty: They do! I joke that this new album was written just for my family to get through this tough time of my dads cancer journey.
Me: Do you sing to them?
Jetty: I sing to my kids all the time, they love my lullaby album.
Me: You have a pug, right? I love pugs! What is his name?
Jetty: I have a very particular pug named Otis, but we call him Otie. He lives with us and travels in the Airstream. One time he almost went over a water-fall while he was sniffing some flowers. I nearly had a heart-attack.
Me: Was is a joint idea between your husband and yourself to love into an Airstream?
Jetty: It definitely was! It had to be to make it work. I will take the credit though for it being my pipe-dream that I talked him into.
Me: Does it get cramped?
Jetty: Surprisingly, no.
Me: It would with all my shit I have. Okay, I think the first time I ever heard of you was when I saw the video for your song "Kerosene." That's a sad song, right?
Jetty: It is... although I think the predominant emotion for me in writing and singing it is anger.
Me: I remember you were throwing tiny furniture into a lake... what was the story behind that?
Jetty: I wrote the song a few months after my daughter Ella died... and throwing the furniture into the lake was like throwing my hopes and dreams for her life away. I really wrote the song because I was so frustrated with how many people could not understand my grief or pain. It felt like people expected me to get over her loss because she was never alive outside of my womb. The video depicts the grief and anger a parent feels over losing a child.
Me: Do you like making videos, Jetty?
Jetty: I love making videos, it's something I would love to do more of if I had the budget!
Me: Actually, I think the first time I heard you was when a song of yours was on a Microsoft commercial... I remember Shazaming it... "Climbing Clouds" I think it was. Do you like having your songs in a commercial?
Jetty: It's always surreal to see a completely different picture put to my song. I love seeing how people interpret the emotions of my songs.
Me: Your songs were in quite a few commercials, right?
Jetty: Yes, I've had a few songs licensed for commercials. I've also just sang on some (Truvia), and my personal favorite is writing for commercials! I work with Blender Music Group and we do custom songs for clients. I recently wrote and sang a song for the SEC (south-eastern conference) that ended up on two national ads.
Me: All your songs you write from your heart, right? With experiences?
Jetty: Definitely. I'm not the kind of song-writer who can pump out songs just for the sake of writing. I need to say something, and it has to be vital to my soul to say it. A lot of times nowadays its some one else's story.
Me: You have a new single out called "Can't Curse the Free." This is the title track to your new album, right?
Jetty: Yes it is! I am so excited for this song to be out in the world!
Me: So, who are the free and why can't you curse them?
Jetty: Hahah, I love this question. The free are the truth-loving, over-comers who have been set free from bondages of darkness, hopelessness, and iniquity. They are a redeemed people. A curse can't hold on some one who has been set free spiritually. A heavenly transaction has taken place, and the children of God can never be taken out of Gods hands again. For me it was a vital statement to make in my walk of faith as a follower of Jesus. I believe there is always a battle against dark and light, and the darkness wants you to stay in chains. He wants you to forget that you were ever set free. He wants you to go back to your captivity... and he does this through discouragement, shame and lies. These are all very real things in my life... I am not a perfect person, and I hear the regrets of my past just like anyone. But it's when I choose to believe that Gods grace is working backwards, and that even the bad things I've done will be worked out for good... that every curse is broken.
Me: Does songwriting come easy for you, Jetty?
Jetty: Sometimes it's like breathing, other times it's like pulling teeth. No two songs are the same.
Me: What comes first, the music or the lyrics?
Jetty: Sometimes the lyrics, mostly the melody.
Me: I love your version of "Puff the Magic Dragon" on the "La La Lu and the Lazy Moon" album. What made you decide to record that version?
Jetty: My grandpa used to sing that song to me and my cousins so it seemed natural to include it. He was a great folk-singer and guitar picker... he loved Peter Paul and Mary.
Me: It's my favorite version of that song by the way... you don't record a lot of covers, do you?
Jetty: Wow, thank you so much! What an honor. I don't do a lot, but I have in the past! There are quite a few covers on my YouTube channel... the front porch sessions everything from First Aid Kit to Cat Stevens.
Me: I have to ask you about the title of "La La Lu and the Lazy Moon." It sounds like a children's book. Where did it come from?
Jetty: My mom had a song she used to sing to my siblings and I called "La La Lu," so that part seemed natural. "Lazy Moon" was the first song I found for the album... combined it sounded like the perfect title for a children's lullaby record.
Me: Did you do the art work for that album, Jetty? I have to show it here...
Jetty: I got so spoiled by Kevin White at Umami design. He is a dear friend and a truly talented and inspired artist.
Me: Do you like to draw and paint?
Jetty: Haha, I like to... but I'm no good.
Me: You love to cook though, right? What kinda stuff do you cook, Jetty?
Jetty: Wow, you have really done your homework. I love to eat first, that's probably why I love to cook! I love making my own pasta, risotto, vegetarian dishes and cookies!
Me: Is it easy to cook in the Airstream?
Jetty: Surprisingly yes! I have a pretty big butcher block counter space, a very nice range, and an Italian made oven. It all works together very nicely!
Me: Ever think about putting together a cook book?
Jetty: Hmm, I haven't... you are the first to suggest the idea! That would be pretty eclectic!
Me: So, what are your plans for this year? Are you going on tour?
Jetty: For the first time in my married life (8 years) I have no plans. Jason and I are huge planners, we love our plans... but it seems we have found ourselves in a place that is completely foreign... and a bit exciting. Anything truly could happen this year. I am sure we will be back on the road. I will also be working on a new project... possibly another lullaby album or another Pen Pals project!
Me: You have played some big festivals in the past, Jetty. What one was your favorite?
Jetty: I love Big Ticket Festival in Gaylord. I've played it for at least the last five years... I have a lot of fun talking to old friends and fans and making new ones.
Me: Do you like playing big shows or smaller shows more?
Jetty: Big shows are easier on the nerves, small shows are easier on the heart.
Me: I am so glad I got to interview you, and I hope this was a lot of fun. More importantly I hope you'll come back on the Phile again soon. Go ahead and mention your website and anything else you want to say. All the best, continued success.
Jetty: Wow, thank you so much for having me! You have definitely done your home-work on me, and taken the time to ask truly thoughtful questions. I really appreciate it more than you know! People can find me at jettyrae.com, twitter.com/jettyrae, facebook.com/jettyrae, pledgemusic.com/jettyrae and on Spotify!
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and of course Jetty Rae. The Phile will be back next Monday with singer Jacob Davich. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Have a good Valentine's Day.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker