Sunday, June 12, 2016

Pheaturing Phile Alum Holly Elle

Hey there, good afternoon and welcome to the Phile for a Sunday. Well, as you by now last night there was a shooting at the LGBT club Pulse last night in Orlando. I have really no idea what to say about it, but my heart goes out to all the victims. I had a few people on Facebook checking in with me seeing of I was okay... yeah, I wasn't at a LGBT club at 2:00 am. I am still pissing blood a lot though, and hopefully will get this stent out on Tuesday... but this isn't about me. I have to say though there's an urgent call for blood donations. Oneblood is asking all eligible O Negative, O Positive, and AB donors to donate today. You can call 1-888-9DONATE to find a donation center near you. Look at this pic from today in Orlando...

Alright, let's move on, think about all the victims and give you something to get your mind of this senseless violent act, at least for a bit.
The world is terrible, here's a bear taking a bath in the woods.

Here's a bear named Takoda relaxing after a hot day by splish-splashing around in a giant tub full of cool water while playing with some floating balls. The world outside this camera's frame may be a terrible, depressing place, but this... just to reiterate... is a bear named Takoda who lives at the Oregon Zoo and has a big enclosure and a big bath and bath toys. Really, that's all you need to know.
Thirteen years ago, Brian Banks was a promising California high school football player on his way to a full scholarship at USC. Then he was accused of rape, told the jury would never believe him, pressured to plead guilty, and sentenced to six years. The woman who claimed he raped her later recanted her statement, and he was declared innocent after wrongfully spending five years in prison with five years of parole. Brock Turner, meanwhile, is a 20-year-old Stanford student whom two eyewitnesses saw raping an unconscious girl. He was only sentenced to six months in county jail as punishment. As you can imagine, Banks... who, it should be mentioned, is black... isn't happy about this. Said Banks to the "Daily News," "I would say it's a case of privilege. It seems like the judge based his decision on lifestyle. He's lived such a good life and has never experienced anything serious in his life that would prepare him for prison. He was sheltered so much he wouldn't be able to survive prison. What about the kid who has nothing, he struggles to eat, struggles to get a fair education? What about the kid who has no choice who he is born to and has drug-addicted parents or a non-parent household? Where is the consideration for them when they commit a crime?" He later added, "You know a man is guilty, so why aren't we unleashing half of the punishment that was unleashed on Brian Banks when he was innocent and there was no evidence? They gave me six years. They gave him six months." (Emphasis ours.) Damn. No way to put it more clearly than that. Banks said that the female victim here "has been totally ignored. She has to live with her hardship and tragedy for the rest of her life." He continued, using a metaphor some may not like, but that's a right you get when you're falsely imprisoned, "I wasn't physically raped, but I was raped in a sense of my freedom. I was kidnapped, taken against my will, placed in a box for five years and two months. I was denied all human rights. When I screamed and pleaded and begged, it fell on deaf ears. It's a different form of being assaulted and taken advantage of. I know what she is going through." It's not like there's a real question here about the disparity in the sentences. Beyond the society-wide difference in sentencing for white versus black men, the judge explicitly said that when it came to Brock (unlike, say, a poor kid who the judge saw as having no potential anyway), quote, "a prison sentence would have a severe impact on him." That's why he gave him six months. That's why everyone's angry. That's why this story, out of many, is breaking through.
Data visualization expert and maker of cool infographics Randall S. Olson recently came across a fascinating study on male orgasm times that's currently behind academic paywalls. Being a lover of science, statistics and stuff that people are interested in, Olson poured the data the scientists collected... from 500 heterosexual couples across Europe armed with stopwatches and sex journals... into some startling graphs showing the distribution of how long men kept the motion of the ocean going. The stopwatches were very important: the recorded results were 1.9 minutes shorter, on average, than when men simply estimated how long their intercourse had lasted. How long was the real average? 6 minutes. That means that the average guy, Olson points out, was overestimating his time by 31%. To be clear, the "start" time was penetration, and the "stop" was male orgasm (this is known in the biz as "the Victorian Special." It's not, actually, I made that part up). But, of course, a 6 minute average isn't the whole story. Most men fell in the 4-11 minute range, but the total range of completion times ran from 6 seconds to 53 minutes. Here's one of Olson's two distribution charts, which makes the wide range of normal and the even wider range of unusual apparent.

This will probably make you feel pretty good for a few minutes before you start comparing yourself to the long tail.
A man in Eagle Point, Oregon, caught an alleged bike thief on Friday morning the easy way: by lassoing him while on horseback. According to KTVL, a man "attempted to steal a mountain bicycle outside of a local Walmart store when people in the parking lot began shouting and calling attention to the theft." That's when Robert Borba, who was for some reason hanging out in a Walmart parking lot with a horse and lasso, chased the alleged thief down. KTVL also reported that after the arrest, Borba said to an officer, "Can I have my rope back? I've gotta go," which makes you wonder how much cowboy ropes cost. (Apparently they go for anywhere from $20 to $120+, if you were curious.) If you want to read more about this story, you can find further information in one of your mom's Harlequin romance novels, probably titled something like "Asphalt Cowboy."
Hey, someone opened an "adult nursery" in Illinois. And yes, it's kind of a sex thing. Meet Todd. He owns Tykables, the world's first (probably) nursery store for adults.

The store, which opened in April in suburban Mt. Prospect, Illinois, sells Tykables brand adult diapers, which Todd says is for both incontinent adults and... more importantly... for people who identify as for “ABDL” or “Adult Baby Diaper Lovers.” That's a sexual fetish where adults put on diapers and pretend to be babies. Sorry if you've never heard of this before and are now disgusted, or congratulations if you've never heard of this before and have just discovered that this is what you're into. Within the four walls of Tykables (that name, OMG), Todd promises you will find... A 7.5 foot crib, a 5.5 foot rocking horse, an adult-sized high chair, and, the piss-de-resistence, the 6ft diaper tower. Todd says the main thrust of the store is to sell these diapers for both medical and sexual needs (whats the difference, amirite?), but it is also to create a fun space for the fetishists because "not everybody has access to a nursery." Unsurprisingly, some of the residents of Mt. Prospect, either disturbed by the store or horrified by their newly-discovered sexual fetish, are demanding the nursery be shut down. Tuesday night, dozens of locals came out to a village meeting to complain about Todd's space. One man said, “It’s hard for us to swallow in this community.” Haha, cool choice of words, dude. Another woman spoke up saying, “He’s getting his party go in there, and we’re supposed to sit back and watch.” The woman's fear is unfounded, however, as they keep the door to Tykables locked tight and the windows shuttered, and you can only get in by appointment. So if you really want to be a voyeur to this party, you better call ahead. Despite these residents tantrum, Tykables is apparently there to stay. All the confused sexual rage from these complainers went nowhere because no actual sex goes down at Tykables. Just consensual bottle feeding and teddy bear cuddling. As a village official presiding over the town meeting declared, Tykables is “a business that many people find at best distasteful, but that is legal.” So suck on that.
So, I was looking at the IKEA website and they have directions to build everything they sell, but I didn't know they sold houses...

Hey, did you know Ted Cruz is actually doing Ted Talks? No? Check it out.

Hmmmm. There's one thing you might know about me, and that is I do not like breaking rules, unlike this guy...

Get off that lawn! Can'y you see the sign?! Ugh! Sigh. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is this week's...

Top Phive Kind Of People Who Want To See Warcraft
5. Video-game-movie completists who saw Angry Birds last week.
4. "World of Warcraft" lovers who've always wanted its limitless universe to be shoehorned into a half-assed "Hobbit" knockoff.
3. Deviants who've always had fantasized about a boar-tusked Paula Patton.
2. Bruce Warcraft of East Omaha, who'll see anything with his name on it.
And the number one kind of people who want to see Warcraft are...
1. Straight-up dorks.

Oh, Target. Haha. If you spot the Mindphuck please let me know. Okay, so, a friend of the Phile wants to say something about the tragic event that happened in Orlando last night. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man... you know what time it is...

Massive casualties and over over 50 confirmed dead (including the gunman) in an Orlando, Florida gay and transgender nightclub. What the fuck is going on with people lately? First the shooting death of that talented young singer by a well armed assassin posing as a fan at a post performance signing. Now, this... They say this nightclub shooter "rounded up people and... just started executing them." Police and S.W.A.T. teams got into a gun battle with the suspect who wound up being one of the fifty fatalities. Now the anti-gun lobby are busy as bees ramping up their efforts to have stronger gun laws. I truly wish that those laws would actually help... but they wouldn't. You see, my friends... stronger gun laws will only keep guns out of the hands of people who obey the law. Criminals and psychos do NOT obey the law. They WILL get there hands on a gun, knife or explosive device if and when the desire to cause harm takes them over. We live in an increasingly dangerous and violent society, where our safety should come down to a few basic elements being present at all times. Awareness of your surroundings. MORE good men and women being among us who are artfully skilled in deadly forms of violence as a means of protection, self defense and the overall safety of the general public. My thoughts go out to the victims and their families... My thanks and appreciation go out to those who helped put an end to the carnage. Carnage that may have ended with a much higher body count had it not been for those who placed themselves in harms way.

Gordie Howe 
March 31st, 1928 — June 10th, 2016
A stroke. That's howe.

The 49th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Author, good friend and Phile Alum Jeff will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks.

Today's pheatured guest is a Phile Alum whose latest single "Flip That Script" is available on iTunes. Please welcome back to the Phile... Holly Elle.

Me: Holly! How the hell are you? Welcome back to the Phile!

Holly: I am awesome thank you and I hope you are too.

Me: Well, I wouldn't saw awesome... I lost count how many times you have been here. Do you know?

Holly: I think that's a good thing don't you? I would guess maybe 5 but I'm not sure.

Me: I thin this is actually your fourth time. Anyway, when are you gonna come to Orlando to visit, eh?

Holly: I will definitely be in Orlando again at some point. I need to ride the Tower of Terror at Disney World again. It's my fave.

Me: I know someone you can get you in for free... hint, hint. How is life in Nashville? I take it you are still living there, am I right?

Holly: I am still in Nashville, yes. I can't imagine leaving but you never know. I just love the city and the people. Life is a lot busier here now. It seems everyone has figured out our little secret and moved to Nashville.

Me: Ever been to Darkhorse Studios? It's in Franklin. I heard it was a really nice recording studio.

Holly: You know what, that does sound familiar. I have not been but I'd love to check it out. Ocean Way studio here on Music Row is pretty awesome as well, I've been lucky enough to visit there a few times.

Me: So, let's talk hockey... you're a Predators fan?

Holly: Uh oh, I might get in trouble with my home town of Calgary here. I've been in Nashville 9 years now so yes, I'm a Predators fan, but I still support the Flames as well.

Me: What about those Islanders?

Holly: Islanders who? I was only watching Preds. I was really disappointed that we didn't make it to the next playoff series, even though it was a long shot. One great thing was that I was actually there at that epic triple overtime game with San Jose. But I was holding out real hope that we would go further. We didn't, and my interest in the playoffs stopped there. Not that I'm bitter...

Me: You're originally from Canada, so I am guessing you grew up being a hockey fan. Do you play?

Holly: Yes, the stereotypes are true, hockey is our game. I can toss a puck around yeah. I actually have a photo on my Instagram (@hearholly) of me that my brother took when I was home at Christmas. It's my official hockey card.

Me: I actually have that photo here...

Holly: Growing up in small town Alberta my whole life was basically spent at the rink. I was there when my brothers were playing hockey, I did figure skating, and I played a game called ringette which is similar to hockey but different. I see that my American auto-correct doesn't even recognize ringette as a word.

Me: Haha. I personally never played hockey. I don't know how to ice skate and I am afraid to get hurt. Did you ever get seriously hurt playing?

Holly: I love how you assumed I had played in this question, and you were correct. Ringette has no hitting (unfortunately). You do wear full equipment and hockey skates, which are a little harder to skate on than figure skates but no, no injuries. Not when you're a pro star (obscure 80s Canadian cereal reference) like me.

Me: So, tell me about Glitterati Music... what is that? Is that your own label?

Holly: I love that you asked about that. Glitterati Music is my music company. Right now it encompasses my publishing company, and all of my own music. Basically as an independent artist, that's my label. One day Glitterati will be an umbrella for my brand, and future businesses.

Me: Okay, so, let's talk about your newest single... "Flip That Script." What is the song about, Holly?

Holly: As always I like to let the songs speak for themselves for the most part. For those who need a translation on lingo though, flipping the script is turning the tables. What's really exciting about this song is that's my dad playing accordion on the track. How cool is he?

Me: Very cool. You have been releasing a lot of singles... are you planning another EP?

Holly: I never rule anything out. But I'm going to keep doing singles for a while. It makes the most sense for me right now as an independent releasing my own stuff, but also for how people consume music. We all want the hot new song, then we move on to the next one. So that's how I'm offering it. 

Me: Will you be making a video for the new song?

Holly: Probably not. But I would like to do another video soon. Maybe for the next single.

Me: How often do you sit and write, Holly?

Holly: I have no set agenda whatsoever. If I decide to work on a project, I'm busy nonstop. Otherwise it's when the inspiration hits.

Me: Since we last talked you have started blogging. That's so cool. Your blog is on your website, am I right?

Holly: Thanks! Yes my blog is on my website at

Me: Do you like blogging?

Holly: I always love talking about things I have a passion for. The blog actually started because I get asked a lot of beauty questions. The question I get asked most is about my eyeliner. I got asked about it so often, SO often that I thought, hey, let me just write this down in detail and link the products and it will just be easier to direct people to that. I LOVE makeup and I learned a lot of what I do from blogs/YouTube/Instagram and I like it when everything is listed in a super easy way so I can duplicate it. So that's what I wanted to do for people.

Me: Okay, I read your two entries and you talk about eye liner in one and the other dry shampoo. What the fuck is dry shampoo? Haha.

Holly: Thanks for reminding me, I need to get some more posts up. Dry shampoo is a life saver for long hair. It's a dry spray product that refreshes and volumizes your hair without having to wash it, since we don't wash long hair every day.

Me: So, your blog is aimed at women, am I right?

Holly: There was no intentional aiming, and as we know, there are many beautiful men out there who use eyeliner or dry shampoo too. But I'm just going to write about either things I'm really excited about, or things I get asked about.

Me: Are most of your fans female?

Holly: I would hope that there is an equal representation from all variations of groups.

Me: I mentioned last time you were here that I get male readers liking you. They ask about you... if you are married, with anybody, do you tour across America, etc. I always tell them to email you and ask you. If you wanna answer any of those questions now, feel free. I don't think you are married though. If you are, who is the lucky bastard. Hahaha.

Holly: Yes, I was curious about that last time, I'm so glad you told me. Is this a very frequent thing?

Me: When you're here, yes. Well?

Holly: I'm happy to answer questions. I'm currently single. I'm holding out to date Pekka Rinne at the moment but he has yet to call me... A tour is in the works and the moment it is set up the dates will be posted on my website

Me: Alright, so, this year as you know is the Phile's 10th anniversary year. Last time you were here I asked you what you were doing ten years ago. This time I will ask what has been the biggest highlight of these last ten years? I know... being on the Phile. Ha.

Holly: Yes, being on the Phile. And what would be number 2... wow, ten years is a lot to draw from. Musically it would be seeing Paul McCartney in concert since he is my #1 music idol (as the best Beatle). My brothers and I wept when we saw him. Also my niece and nephew have lit up our lives. I'm just so lucky that I have so many things to choose from.

Me: Very cool. Okay, so, what's next for you? I am sure you are working on a new single. Or your new EP "Holy Hell." Hahahaha.

Holly: I feel like you will continue to say that until it happens won't you?

Me: Yup.

Holly: Of course a new single. It's another pared down emotional song, closer to "How A Heart Breaks" as opposed to something like "Flip That Script." I love to mix it up.

Me: Holly, thanks so much for being here again on the Phile. Please come back again soon... and visit me! Plug your website again!

Holly: Thanks again, it's always a pleasure.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and of course Holly. The Phile will be back tomorrow with another Phile Alum... Meka Nism. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Stay strong, Orlando.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

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