Sunday, January 5, 2014

Pheaturing Sammy Obeid

Hey there, welcome to the phirst entry of the Phile for 2014! How are you? This entry is kicking off 8 years of the Phile. Bloody crazy, right? How was your New Years?  So, what's the weather like where you are? Here, it's kinda cold. But temperatures are expected to drop to double-digit negative numbers this week through the Midwest. And, though the onslaught of Arctic air could lead to negative-20 degree weather in places like Chicago, with the wind chill it will likely wind up feeling more like negative-50. This could force many Midwest residents to wear both a winter coat and a hat while drinking on their front porches.  In a section of her new book that she supposedly wrote titled "In Praise of Pubes," actress Cameron Diaz urges women everywhere to let their public hair grow wild and free, because apparently a thick and brambly bush is pleasing to Cameron Diaz. Man, I'd love to interview Cameron and pheature her book in the Phile's Book Club. How cool would that be?  While an estimated 72,000 U.S. citizens continue to lose unemployment benefits every week, Congress is still on the fence about whether they should extend benefits to help those struggling in the bad economy or simply let them starve and freeze until they stop complaining and their dessicated bodies get blown away with the wind.  A wild Crimson Tide fan... clearly incensed by her team's poor showing at Thursday night's Sugar Bowl game between Alabama and Oklahoma hurled herself into a crowd of Sooner fans and began wildly punching and kicking like a maniac until she was eventually subdued and released back into the wild of the parking lot. Did you see the video of it? I have to show you a screen shot if you didn't.

It's not the clearest picture but you get the idea.  Bill de Blasio has stated that one of his first acts as mayor of New York City will be to ban horse-drawn carriages in Central Park, calling the practice "inhumane." However, he has no problem with forcing hundreds of horses to go back to school and try to reinvent themselves alongside a bunch of younger, more-energetic horses.  Marijuana enthusiasts of the the Centennial State somehow found the motivation to leave the comfort of their form-fitting body-shaped couch grooves and walked into blustery Midwest winter weather so that they could wait in line all day, on the first day of its legality, and eventually buy state-sanctioned recreational marijuana to supplement the more potent stuff they get from their guy Jim. Iraq war veteran Sean Azzariti became the first man to purchase recreational, non-medical marijuana in Colorado after the law legalizing recreational sales went into effect at 8 am on January 1st. Here's everything you need to know about the new law. If you're planning on taking a red eye to Denver, be warned. Out-of-towners are only allowed to buy a quarter-ounce at a time, unlike the big fat ounce Colorado residents can score. Azzariti said it was "an honor" to be the first purchaser, and that marijuana helps him with his PTSD symptoms. When asked how long the eighth he bought would last, he said that he might not even smoke it, instead preserving it in a frame on his wall. There you have it. "No I'm just going to frame it" is the new "I was only holding it for a friend." Here's a picture of that sale.

Which strain won't make me feel like there are a thousand cameras trained on me? Haha.  Alright, so this year there's a change at McDonald's. Check it out.

They're taking all kinds of credit cards, and even Dr. Pepper. I don't understand. So, it's the playoffs in the NFL season that is coming up, and we know how tough American football players are, right? If they are playing in the NFL or college. Things have changed in England though, at least since I lived there.

What the hell ? Oh, as for as the toughness goes, I have to tell this story before we move on. Baylor Bears quarterback Bryce Perry risked his spinal cord and the ability to walk for the rest of his life with a heart-stopping forward flip into the end zone, to pick up six points in a game that his team ended up losing 52 - 42 to the UCF Knights, whose players chose not to gamble their ability to bear children on the day's outcome. And now, let's see who went to the big square dance in the sky.

Phil Everly
Jan 19, 1939 - Jan 3, 2014
Hello, emptiness.

If you spot the Mindphuck email me at Okay, it's the playoffs like I said, and it's Sunday, so it's time to talk about football with my good friend Jeff.

Me: Happy New Year, Jeff. So, how was your New Year's?

Jeff: Our New Year's was good. I would like to say we partied like it was 1999. And we did. If partying like it's 1999 means in bed by 10:30 and not waking up for the rest of the year. How was your New Year's?

Me: I worked til about 7, got home, then went to sleep. I woke up right before midnight but was too lazy to turn on the TV to see the ball drop. Once you seen that happen, you seen that happen. At midnight I was asleep again. Right, with the last picks last week what is the final score for the regular season?

Jeff: The regular season ended with Lori winning by a final score of 79-62-32. I went 2-0 this week with a Steelers win. You and Lori both went 1-1 with the Giants and Eagles winning as well. But the season is not over, we still have a few weeks for me to gain on Lori.

Me: And me too. Haha. Any football news in the last week?

Jeff: The biggest news is Black Monday where five different coaches got fired. Two spots have all ready been filled, so we still have a lot of vacancies if you want to try to be an NFL head coach now is the chance!

Me: Okay, playoff picks... I say Indiana by 6 and Saints by 7... beating Lori's Eagles. What do you kids say?

Jeff: First, Lori says you are a jerk for picking against the Eagles like a true bitter Giants fan. Oh and she is picking Bengals by a point and the Colts by four points. My picks are Packers by 3 points and Bengals by seven points.

Me: Yes... I am. Haha. Okay, Jeff, I'll see you next week at the Phile's 8th Anniversary entry. Good job as always.

Jeff: See you next week.

The 30th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

The author Gary Conness will be a guest on the Phile in a few week's.

Today's pheatureed guest is a comedian who appeared on "America's Got Talent" and has CD on iTunes called "Get Funny Or Die Tryin'". Last year he also performed over a thousand shows in a row. Please welcome to the Phile... Sammy Obeid.

Me: Hello, Sammy, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Sammy: Hi, I am well, thanks.

Me: Sammy, I wanted to have you here as soon as I saw you on "Conan". You were brilliant. I have to show this screenshot of you on "Conan" right away.

Me: How do you think you did?

Sammy: Thanks! I gave it a 7 out of 10, for me, given the circumstances. I'm happy with that.

Me: I was wondering if that was your first TV gig but then I read you were on "America's Got Talent" which we will talk about in a bit. I am a huge "Conan" fan, and model this stupid little blog after his type of show. Anyway, are you a fan of Conan and were you nervous being on that show?

Sammy: I'm not really a fan of anyone in comedy, but there are some I like more than others. And Conan is one of those.

Me: Seth Green was on the same show, did you get to meet him, and talk with him?

Sammy: I did not meet or talk to Seth, but we made eye contact.

Me: Conan invited you to the couch, which he hardly ever does. What did he say to you over there and did you know he would bring you over?

Sammy: I was not expecting to go to the couch. He asked me if I ever got sick during the 1,000 days and said that his body sometimes knows to not get sick until he's done with a period of work.

Me: Okay, be honest... "Conan" or the Peverett Phile, which one is a bigger deal? Haha.

Sammy: The Peverett Phile definitely sounds more controversial.

Me: God, I hope not. Haha. Alright... "America's Got Talent", I don't watch that show so I don't know how it works. It's kinda like "X-Factor" in a way, right?

Sammy: Kinda.

Me: Did you get buzzed?

Sammy: I was not buzzed.

Me: Who were the judges that put you through?

Sammy: All judges put me through, but Howie and Sharon were hesitant. Howard was my supporter. 

Me: Did you always wanna be a stand up comedian, Sammy?

Sammy: No, in fact most of my life, including now, being a comedian is not my goal or dream.

Me: I tried stand up back in the 90s, but only did it for a few times. I think I was funny, but I don't know. How did you do when you first tried it?

Sammy: Bombed the first time.

Me: I bombed the second time. Did you ever think of quitting like I did?

Sammy: I think about quitting every day.

Me: Well, don't. Last year you performed 1,001 shows in a row. That's fucking crazy! How did you come up with this idea to do that, Sammy?

Sammy: One thousand nights. 2,500 shows. It was not an idea, I just kept going.

Me: Did you do the same material every day?

Sammy: God, no. Really?

Me: Well, I don't know. I don't know how much material you have. Did you do well every show, or were their some shows when you didn't?

Sammy: I bombed maybe 40% of the time. 

Me: Did you film a documentary on this? You should of.

Sammy: I did. You mean should 'have'.

Me: Thanks, you're right. You should have. How did you book so many shows?

Sammy: I asked.

Me: You have a CD out called "Get Funny or Die Tryin'". Where did that title come from?

Sammy: It was based off of a joke I have about 50 Cent.

Me: How hard was it to pick material for the CD? Was it recorded in one show?

Sammy: It was not hard at all. Yes, one show.

Me: You're also writing a book, am I right? Will that be about your life, or just stories?

Sammy: Yes, I'm writing a book about the 1,000 days. It's almost done.

Me: You're doing so much in just a short time. Will we be seeing you in movies next year or a sitcom?

Sammy: I really don't think I've done that much. I'd like to be on the screen but I don't know if it will happen.

Me: Two main TV shows, put on Conan's couch, a thousand shows, writing a book and filmed a documentary. That's a lot more than I have done. Sammy, where are you from? What's your background?

Sammy: Born in Oakland, raised in the Bay Area. I'm Lebanese, Palestinian, Syrian, Italian, and white.

Me: What does your parents think of your comedy?

Sammy: They like it and support it.

Me: I have to mention the Aberica bit. I love this graphic you have as well...

Me: For those that don't know what it is, can you explain it?

Sammy: It's not racist. It's just a bear joke.

Me: It's funny, and clever. Hearing it and laughing, I couldn't help but tho think this would make a perfect cartoon or a movie. Adult Swim should be calling you. Have they? 

Sammy: No, they haven't.

Me: Tell us about KO Comedy, Sammy. That's something you founded, am I right?

Sammy: It's my corporation.

Me: And what's this, you worked with Robin Williams? Doing what? I bet that was amazing.

Sammy: I opened for him in Mill Valley. Many comics have as well.

Me: Alright, so on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Are you ready? Should the individual or society be of primary importance? What the fuck? Stupid question.

Sammy: I'm confused.

Me: Yeah, me too. Sammy, thanks for being on the Phile. Please come back soon, especially when the book comes out. Plug your website if you want.

Sammy: Thanks, buddy, These last two are not questions.

Me: True. Thanks again, and keep in touch. Sammy Obeid, kids. Get his comedy CD "Get Funny Or Die Tryin'" on iTunes.

There you go, the firt entry of 2014 done. I don't think Sammy liked my questions, or being on the Phile. Haha. If I ever get him back here, I have to ask. Anyway, thanks to Sammy Obeid and Jeff Trelewicz. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Phile Alum Kevin Coelho and then next Saturday it's The Peverett Phile 8th Anniversary and Sunday cosplayer and model Katybear. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Strawberry Blondes Forever!

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