Welcome, you're reading the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated blog. I am your host, Box Molder. I was supposed to go see the new X-Files movie today, but Jen went to get her hair done, and then we went to Chili's where I got my mouth slashed open like the Joker's by my beer mug. Actually, it was just a little cut, but we got our dinner comped. By the way, next time you eat at Chili's you have to try the Quesidila explosion sald, or whatever it was called. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi referred to President Bush's time in office as “a total failure.” Bush defended himself, saying, “Oh come on, I hardly spent any time in my office." The government of Cuba announced today that by the year 2010 Cuba will have high-speed Internet service. Not only that, by 2011 Cuba will have a computer. According to a new report, Americans are fatter than ever with 25 percent of Americans now classified as obese. Doctors compiled the report by going to the mall and looking around. The Walt Disney Corporation announced that it is going to build a Disneyland in mainland China. Apparently it will be the first Disneyland built for children by children. Important celebrity news: Sarah Jessica Parker had a mole removed. To be fair, the mole is saying it had Sarah Jessica Parker removed. There’s a new interview out with Jessica Alba. She explains why her baby girl is named Honor. A lot of celebrities name their baby after where the baby was conceived. Honor is named Honor because Jessica was “on her” back when she was conceived. John McCain is saying Obama’s trip to Iraq is a publicity stunt. I’m getting sick of all this mudslinging — I’ve got a solution that will make everyone happy: President Batman. New pictures of Britney Spears have emerged . . . holding a pack of cigarettes while her son, Sean Preston, has a lighter in his hand. At least they’re spending quality time together. A lot of moms don’t make time to smoke with their kids. I'll give anything to hold her lighter, if you know what I'm saying. Hurricane Dolly made landfall in Texas. I know there are only so many names to choose from, but how are we supposed to take a hurricane named “Dolly” seriously?
THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Groveland, Florida, here is this week's top ten list...
Top Ten Signs You're Having a Bad Summer Vacation
10. That 8-foot mouse you saw wasn't at a theme park
9. You're staying at a resort billed as "The Cancun of New Jersey"
8. Instead of time off, boss institutes a "Take Your Speedo To Work" day
7. Your airline asks you to bring your own fuel
6. Your suntan oil costs $140 a bottle
5. Lifeguards attempt to push you back into the ocean thinking that you are a beached whale
4. You went to Disneyland but your hotel is in New Jersey
3. Due to the bad economy, summer has been downsized and outsourced to India
2. Your stimulus check bounces
And the number one sign you're hsving a bad summer vacation is...
1. Your summer fling is with Barbara Walters
Estelle Getty: It's about time we buried a Golden Girl.
JULY 25th IN HISTORY
In Toledo, Spain, over 400 dead bodies are charged with heresy and burned in effigy, in a great public spectacle. What a wonderful thing, this Spanish Inquisition.
Margaret Zelle, also known as Mata Hari, is found guilty of spying and is sentenced to death. There is no actual evidence that she is a spy.
Rock Hudson acknowledges he has AIDS.
At a baseball game, actress Rosanne Arnold warbles the Star Spangled Banner, grabs her crotch, and endears herself to an entire nation.
Woodstock '99 festival ends in looting and rioting, leaving 12 trailers burned, towers toppled, and several women raped during the course of the show. About 500 state troopers were needed to quell the mass uprising of peace and love, apparently triggered by overpriced vendors and commercialization.
A right tire explosion on the Concorde causes the plane to crash after takeoff from Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris, leaving 113 dead. It is the first crash in Concorde's history, and the only supersonic commercial flight to ever crash.
KICK ASS PRESIDENT'S OF ALL TIME
Plenty of people know George Washington as the father of our country, but few people know, (and this is, perhaps, more important), just how similar he was in behavior to the Incredible Hulk. Stay with me. As described by Thomas Jefferson, George Washington "was naturally irritable" and when his temper "broke its bonds, he was most tremendous in his wrath." One time, in fact, he became "much inflamed [and] got into one of those passions when he cannot command himself." Witnesses agreed that, after these sudden bursts of rage, Washington generally became calm and amiable again. Sound like anyone you know? Anyone, incredible, perhaps? (It's the Incredible Hulk.) The Iroquois Indians affectionately nicknamed Washington "Caunotaucarius," which translates to either "Town Destroyer" or "Devourer of Villages." I was really hoping it translated to "One Who, (When Angry), You Will Not Like" so I'd have more evidence for this whole Incredible Hulk thing, but "Town Destroyer" is pretty cool too, I guess. Washington wasn't just a shirt-ripping comic book character waiting to happen, he was also an amazing general and, possibly, totally invincible. Washington was always at the frontlines in any of the many battles he took part in and there are countless stories of Washington returning from battle with bullet holes in his uniform, or without a horse, (it having been shot from under him), but he always remained unharmed. As a general, he believed, (like the always-screaming Leonidas), in the strength of small numbers. Typically both a loner and rebel, Washington preferred a small band of dedicated warriors over large armies any day of the week and he won plenty of battles when the odds were decidedly not in his favor. He once wrote that "Discipline is the soul of an army. It makes small numbers formidable; procures success to the weak, and esteem to all." Though that isn't quite as catchy as "This is Sparta!" you'll have to agree that it's slightly more eloquent and certainly more recyclable, as it is more applicable to situations that may not explicitly involve Sparta. Greatest Display of Badassedry: Making America. Most Badass Quote: After another tough battle where Washington was miraculously not wounded, he wrote a letter to his brother detailing his experiences. He described being surrounded by bullets and death and concluded by saying "I heard the bullets whistle and, believe me, there is something charming to the sound of bullets." When he caught news of this, King George III reportedly remarked thatWashington's attitude would change if he'd heard a few more. But King George III didn't win the war, so fuck him.
With this episode, Donna has become my favorite "Doctor Who" companion of all time. Yes, better than Sarah Jane. Yes, better than Rose (who finally reappears as a person and not in a cameo or on a video screen). I love her quick temper yet human personality (it's reminiscent of Rose's mother from the first two seasons), which makes sense since this episode is about the Doctor's adventures from the human perspective.
The Doctor and Donna land on a planetary Chinatown. While the Doctor negotiates with salespeople, Donna is invited to get her fortune read for free. While in the fortune-teller's hut, the woman distracts Donna as a beetle-like creature climbs on her back. By whatever power the beetle has, Donna's personal history is changed so that she turns left instead of right on a critical moment in her life. In this alternate history, she never takes the job at H.C. Clements and never meets the Doctor. It's amazing that such a good episode can be created that is mostly Doctor-less. It does kind of balance out last week's Donna-less episode (both were filmed at the same time), However, in retrospect, some of the best "Doctor Who" episodes of the new series didn't include the main character very much. Most notably the episode "Blink". By having Donna not meet the Doctor in the new timeline, the slaughter begins. This is virtually guaranteed in any alternate history. Why aren't any alternate histories happy? For that matter, why couldn't the Doctor regenerate when he was killed fighting the Racnoss Queen in the alternate history? Did he decide to commit suicide out of loneliness (he wouldn't have had a companion at the time). I would have liked it if Sarah Jane had shown up in the original "Smith and Jones" episode to better explain her death in it. It does make more sense that the Torchwood team gets involved (and subsequently killed and/or kidnapped) during the Sontaran invasion when the Doctor isn't around. The second-stringers are called up to bat. This is the first time the series so blatantly acknowledges its own spin-offs (okay, Torchwood was already acknowledged but you didn't really hear about the team's missions). It's a Russell T. Davies creation love-fest. The beetle creature that created the alternate timeline is even part of "The Trickster's Brigade", the Trickster being a character that has appeared in The Sarah Jane Adventures. It is a frightening moment when London is destroyed by the falling Titanic replica, sending Great Britain into economic chaos. I liked how Davies' and company acknowledges mankind's tendency to cannibalize itself in hard times when the Italian family that the Nobles are staying with are sent to a work camp. The United States is rendered helpless due to a chunk of the population turning into the fat creatures of "Partners In Crime". Given the obesity epidemic within that country, you'd think the Adipose would have gone there first. As a bit of foreshadowing, Donna's grandfather sees in his telescope that all the stars are going out in the sky. The disappearing bees are also mentioned again. As mentioned, Billie Piper returns reprising her role of Rose Tyler. She is searching the parallel worlds for the Doctor because a great darkness is coming. She seems to have regained her first-season look and has some sort of issue with her teeth (they seemed to stick out a little more, like she just had dental work). In this episode, she acts a lot like the Doctor and has seems to take on his role. It is kind of strange that she's back, given that the parallel world she went to was cut off, but that's acknowledged in the episode and will hopefully be explained more in the future. I like how they revisit the Bad Wolf motif from the first season. As its core, this episode is an analysis of Donna. Her lack of self-esteem is analyzed ("I'm just a temp" she says) and her reasons for wanting a more adventurous life with the Doctor. Also acknowledged is the similarity between this episodes' alternate universe theme with the recent one in "Forest of the Dead". Davies seems to be setting up Donna to play a major role in the Doctor's life. I wonder what that role is? Parallel world/alternate history stories are always fun. As with last week's episode, the writing of this episode worked more with Russell T. Davies' strengths, which are more about people and emotion and less about the science-fiction aspect of the show. This season has had some really good episodes and this one has become one of my favorites.
The first giganto film of the summer has been given a DVD release date, according to Video Business, and if all goes accordingly it looks like you'll be able to enjoy Iron Man in the comforts of your own living room (legally) on September 30. There's no word on special features yet, however Amazon now allows you to pre-order three different versions, including your standard single-disc ($34.99), a two-disc special edition ($39.99) and a Blu-ray Special Collector's Edition ($39.99). (Note: Those are the list prices and each DVD is cheaper through Amazon.) The article also says to expect Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull to hit DVD in October with Kung Fu Panda in November. One imagines (and hopes) Hancock, WALL-E and The Dark Knight will all hit DVD by Christmas as well. So, who's buying this DVD?
There you go, Phans, the latest entry. The next update will be posted next Friday. Until then, spread the word, not the turd.