Hello, and welcome to the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated blog, now with over 4000 views, or hits. I wanted to hit 4000 by Easter, which is this coming Sunday, and we did it. So, thanks to everyone that reads this blog. Did everybody have a safe St. Patrick's Day on Monday? I was so irritated at work on St. Pat's day, just like I am every year. I hate it when everyone where's green and acts like they are Irish for a day. Wearing their "Kiss Me I'm Irish" t-shirts. No you're not! You're from Mexico! Then everybody is coming up to me and saying, "Happy St. Patrick's Day." I said thanks, but I am not Irish. "But on St. Patrick's Day everyone's Irish." So, what, then on Bastille Day I'm French? On Passover I'm Jewish? Gay Days I'm gay? Father's Day I'm a father? Oh, wait, I am a father. Kwanzaa I'm black? Halloween I'm pagan? Okay, I got that off my chest. So, the 15th International Flower and Garden Festival started at Epcot. Flowers and gardens...how boring. The vesus flytrap display is cool though. And they have a display on irrigation. Yawn. The identity of New York Gov Eliot Spitzer’s prostitute has been revealed. When asked why she slept with New York’s governor, she said, “Because New Jersey’s governor is into guys.” She’s an R&B singer. She says her latest song is inspired by a guy. She didn’t say what guy, but she did say a “bald, creepy governor.” She says she doesn’t want to be thought of as a monster. She said unless of course, someone has $4,000 and they're into role playing. Political experts say that before the scandal, Hillary Clinton had considered him for a possible running mate. Now, Hillary is considering Spitzer as a possible husband. Things are bad. We’ve got an unpopular war . . . high energy prices . . . a slumping economy . . . I just hope to God the president doesn’t find out. Friday morning, President Bush gave an optimistic speech about the economy even though the dollar fell even more, oil hit record highs, and jobs continued to be lost. So when asked what part of the economy is working, Bush said, “Hookers are doing well.” It’s been reported that Barack Obama’s Secret Service name is Renegade, and Hillary Clinton’s Secret Service name is Evergreen. Meanwhile, John McCain’s Secret Service name is Enlarged Prostate. According to USA Today, Starbucks in going to market an energy drink. It’s for people who get tired while waiting in line at Starbucks. Dick Cheney says "Fuck you": Five years after the start of the war in Iraq, Vice President Dick Cheney offered a positive assessment of the war today and called last year's troop surge a "major success." "On the security front, I think there's a general consensus that we've made major progress, that the surge has worked. That's been a major success," Cheney told ABC News' Martha Raddatz. When asked about how that jibes with recent polls that show about two-thirds of Americans say the fight in Iraq is not worth it, Cheney replied, "So?" "You don't care what the American people think?" Raddatz asked the vice president. "You can't be blown off course by polls," said Cheney, who is currently on a tour of the Middle East. "This president is very courageous and determined to go the course. There has been a huge fundamental change and transformation for the better. That's a huge accomplishment." He should do us all a favor and shoot himself in the face.
THE PEVERETT PHILE TOP TEN LIST
From the home office in Groveland, Florida, here's the Phile's top ten list.
Top Ten John McCain Campaign Slogans
10. Time To Put The "Old Man Smell" Back In The White House
9. Working On Global Warming Since The Last Ice Age
8. No Old White Men Left Behind
7. The Only Skeleton In My Closet Is Me
6. Your Last Chance To Elect One Of The Founding Fathers
5. Vote For Me, You Little Jerk
4. I Couldn't Stain A Blue Dress If I Tried
3. If I Can Hear It Ringing, I'll Answer The Damn Phone
2. A Chicken In Every Pot, A Whore For Every Spitzer
And the number one rejected John McCain slogan is...
1. Where Am I?
Howard Metzenbaum: The storied Ohio legislator was known on Capitol Hill as "Senator No" and "Headline Howard," while at home, they called him "Butt-Face."
Arthur C. Clarke: 2008: Odyssey over.
FLORIDA: AMERICA'S WANG
POLK COUNTY, Fla. -- A man who was rescued from the jaws of an alligator by deputies two years ago was taken into custody after officers spotted him naked and apparently stalking an alligator, according to a sheriff's report. Deputies patrolling Saddle Creek in Lakeland said they found an abandoned pickup near a pond early Friday and investigated. During a search of the area, officers said they found Adrian Apgar of Polk City standing naked in the water about 50 feet from the shore. He was walking toward an alligator, the report said. Deputies were able to talk Apgar out of the water without incident. Apgar told deputies that he had been bitten by a snake and was looking for an alligator. "He told deputies that he knew he was gambling with his life," Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said. "Our deputies have been placed in danger twice as a result of this man's actions." Apgar was transported to Lakeland Regional Medical Center. The report said four officers rescued Apgar from the jaws of an alligator in November of 2006. Apgar faces possible charges in connection with the incident, the sheriff's report said.
MARCH 20TH IN HISTORY
Martha M. Place, the first woman to be honored by a seat in the electric chair, dies at Sing-Sing Prison, executed for murder.
Fred Rogers, born today in Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.
South African police massacre 69 black civil rights demonstrators in Sharpeville incident, which moves African National Congress to abandon its policy of nonviolence.
The U.S. goes off the gold standard, turning paper dollars into paper tigers.
John Lennon and Yoko Ono get married in Gibraltar. The pair go on to make, uh, beautiful music together until Lennon manages to get himself shot in New York.
Members of the Aum cult release Sarin nerve gas in the Tokyo subway. Eleven people die and 5,500 are injured. The cult's doctrine of "Poa" make mass murder the way to save their own souls. They had intended eventually to produce 70 tons of the gas.
Last words of Thomas J. Grasso, executed in Oklahoma by lethal injection: "I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this."
Erik and Lyle Menendez convicted of First Degree Murder. They killed their parents for their money, and then lied all about it.
Poor Justice League. They just can'tcatch a break. The Syndey Herald reports that the city is in danger of losing the Justice League movie. The mega movie has received another setback, this time due to the Australian government. The Federal Government has refused to give the movie the new 40% tax rebate, which is essential for this $200 million dollar production. The problem seems to be that it is an American film, with American accents, and it will not do the Australian film industry any favors. But native director George Miller points out that the country needs movie franchises, even if they aren't "recognizably" Australian, to boost production and bring in jobs. I can't really say which side is right -- it seems Australia is a bit miffed Warner Bros shut down production in January over uncertainty about the incentive, and they punished them for their doubts. (I'm really curious if X-Men Origins: Wolverine is getting that tax break. Everyone knows Hugh Jackman is Australian, but come on, that's not going to be seen as a Down Under movie either.) But the biggest revelation in this story? The movie seems have a title, which I am fairly sure hasn't been officially announced yet: Justice League Mortal. Hmm. That hardly rolls off the tongue. Did they take out the "America" in hopes of gaining that tax incentive? So it has a title (maybe), but will the flick ever see the light of day? There are rumors that Miller was brought on just because of that Australian rebate -- and if it is gone, and production is moved elsewhere, Warner Bros. may be shopping for a new director. We'll see. I know many comic book fans that just want this production to die -- and there's definitely a sense that they are forcing a movie that simply does not want to be.
A man and a woman are seated beside one another at a bar getting rather tipsy. With both visibly depressed, the man asks the woman why she's so down to which she replies, “My husband left me because he said I was too kinky in bed.”
“What a coincidence!” he said, “My wife just left me. She said I was too kinky in bed, too.” So they start talking and find that they have much in common, so they decide to go to the woman's apartment and have their kinky sex. When they arrive at her apartment, she tells him she needs a few minutes so she can slip into something more comfortable. Moments later, she emerges from the bathroom with a tight black leather outfit, complete with whip, handcuffs, a strap-on, and a 12-inch studded dildo. She then hurries into the kitchen, and returns with Tabasco sauce, whipped cream, and a rolling pin. Just as she completes her preparation, she notices that the man is putting on his coat and is headed towards the door. “What's going on?” she asks. “I thought you wanted to get kinky?” The man turns to her and says, “Lady, I just fucked your dog and shit in your purse. I’m all done.”
There's now a full trailer for this Ben Stiller comedy, in which we get to see Robert Downey Jr. pull off his controversial performance as a white guy who pretends to be black. Not only that, he's supposed to be Australian, too. Expect this film to be condemned by both the NAACP and AAA, i.e., the Australian Actors Association.
In a new interview, Christian Bale says he's up to starring in a third film, because The Dark Knight ends by leaving audiences "anticipating something that really can get very, very interesting for a third." If he means Chris O'Donnell pops up to reprise his role as Robin, then he's sorely mistaken.
Sex and the City: The Movie
Sarah Jessica Parker has confessed that her character is going to experience a "significant loss" in the film. Maybe her apartment catches on fire and her Manolo Blahniks are reduced to ashes.
Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay
You can now watch the totally NSFW video compilation (and I mean it!) of Kumar stinking up the bathroom and all of the swear words used in the entire film. Although, I hear those same words from my wife every morning after my first trip to the toilet.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Sources say that unless Prince Caspian does phenomenally at the box office, then the planned third Narnia film, in which little Lucy Pevensie sails on a ship with the prince, will be the final one of the series. And just to make sure people go see that, Disney's going to throw in a scene where Lucy meets Captain Jack on the journey, and he gets her drunk on rum.
Untitled Muppet Movie
Jason Segel — of Judd Apatow's Knocked Up and Forgetting Sarah Marshall — will write a new movie starring the Muppets that he wants to be just about the fuzzy little guys putting on a show. Of course, during that show, Statler and Waldorf will drop some 'shrooms and make some really outrageous criticisms.
Sin City's Frank Miller is keeping a blog about the making of his new action film, in which he confesses that he prefers strong women. Yep, the stronger they are, the better he thinks they can twirl on a stripper's pole.
Crank 2 & 3
Jason Statham is going to be starring in two sequels, and the directors have promised they're going to up the stakes with each movie. Part two will feature the first ever moving "bullet-time" slow-motion camera and part three will be filmed in 3-D. Then, part four will be filmed in Punch-o-Vision. That's when a guy sits next to you in the theater and smacks you around during the fight scenes.
THE PEVERETT'S GO TO THE MOVIES
Horton Hears A Who
Starring The voices of Jim Carrey, Steve Carell, Carol Burnett, Will Arnett, Seth Rogen, Dan Fogler, Isla Fisher, Jonah Hill, Amy Poehler, Jaime Pressly, and Charles Osgood. Gentle elephant Horton hears a sound coming from a dust speck. The sound turns out to be an entire world of tiny people called Whos. None of Horton's jungle friends believe that the tiny people exist and want the dust speck boiled in oil to teach him a lesson. But all I kept wondering while watching it was whether these Whos were the same Whos that the Grinch was out to get. If they were, then that means that (a) the Grinch is also a tiny Who and (b) these people seem to have a lot of enemies and (c) the movie wasn't interesting enough to keep my mind from wandering. Again, the animation is perfect. And there's a clever bit showing old-school Seuss illustrations as the stuff of Horton's imagination. I also liked the shout-out to Thidwick the Big-Hearted Moose. From 1 to 10 I give the movie a ten. Even Jen, my wife, gave it a 10
which I almost fainted in the theatre lobby when I heard that.
There, phans, another entry of the Phile. Thanks again for making it get over 4000 hits. I hope everyone has a good Easter on Sunday, and don't eat to much candy. The next entry will be on the 27th, next Friday, but then the week after we go on vacation toWashington D.C. of all places. Logan is into history and President's and stuff, and he really wants to go, so that's where we are going. We are also going to Mount Vernon which I never heard of. The Phile will be back when we come back. On the Myspace page at Myspace.com/peverettphile I posted some new pics of the bowl-a-thon and Hootie concert last week, but still need to post the Megacon pictures. Anyway, it's almost three a.m. and I am dead tired. So, spread the word, and remember...after midnight, we're gonna let it all hang down. After midnight, we're gonna chug-a-lug and shout. We're gonna stimulate some action; we're gonna get some satisfaction. We're gonna find out what it is all about. After midnight, we're gonna let it all hang down.